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▂▃▄▅▆▇█▓▒░Linda░▒▓█▇▆▅▄▃▂, 46 y.o.
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Date: January 11, 2023
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Just pack your stuff up and give it to her know and save the court system's time.
You are going to be perceived as a woman who has i’ll intentions who will want to go further than a friendship.
Pretty freaking disrespectful to do and say stuff like that in front of the guy's gf, no? Speaks for itself.
Your husband is right. I get mental issues, I really do, but if he isn't getting the help he needs, then he IS dangerous, and you shouldn't be around him.
If you want the money, you need to tell him the whole truth. There is no way around it. The money is both of yours, but he does get to veto any amount if you aren't being 100% transparent on why it's needed.
When I met my husband, I made more money. Now he's the “breadwinner” and I'm the stay at home mom. But he still does a LOT around the house. You really need to both be involved to keep the house running well. Plus, we talk about our finances as “our money”. Just because he technically is the name on the paycheck, that doesn't mean that it's his money. That would be just as silly as me saying he could only have so much of the dinner I cooked because I was the one who cooked it. (Btw- he also makes dinner a lot of the time ?)
This man doesn't love you. He shows you that with his every action. He didn't care for you when he kicked you out, and he didn't want to take care of you when you in lost your job.
I suspect he has gotten into some type of manosphere toxicity. It sounds like he's afraid of a woman taking advantage of him in some way. I suspect he wants his wife to earn at least as much as him because he doesn't want to have to pay spousal or child support in the event of a divorce.
If you marrry him, he will be keeping score constantly. If you earn less, then he will use that as a reason for you to act as his slave around the house. He is not looking for a loving life partner. He wants to know what he gets out of this relationship and will be stingily suspicious that his spouse is somehow taking advantage and the one “winning”.
Leave this man. Even if you are alone, you will be better off than with this guy. But I suspect you won't be alone. When you do find someone who truly loves you and actually cares about you, you will wonder how you ever put up with this toxic guy here.
“my girlfriend is running away”
considering you said that, I’d like to congratulate her.
some people being inconvenienced does not make this law useless. try to have some empathy for DV victims who literally don't report DUE to the fear of violent retaliation, which this policy is meant to prevent.
This. The two of you have made enough of a mess. Leave them alone.
Let him break his dick being an idiot.
He's disrespectful to you as a human
Bad bot
My husband was quite capable of doing chores, he just didn’t realise the extent of them so your ‘wtf’ wasn’t necessary. You’re entitled to your view, and I’m entitled to mine and it doesn’t make either of us right or wrong. I just don’t agree with you.
Valentine’s day week
Seems like he’s accusing you of something he may actually be doing and is looking for a good excuse to blame you for your inevitable breakup.
You can either investigate further for any proof of that or depending on how long he’s been accusing you, you can just tell him you’re tired of the accusations and you’re done.
My ex told everyone he knew that I was cheating on him for years. First of all, I’m not a cheater and never have been. Secondly, I had two kids under the age of two, was a stay at home wife and mom, ended up homeschooling, took care of everything and didn’t have the time to cheat even if I wanted to (which I didn’t). Come to find out after 18 years that he cheated on me the entire time I knew him. Should’ve kicked him out years sooner than I did.
So there are certain states and countries where one person moving out is considered “abandoning the marital home” and can have impact on who is entitled to the property – I’m not sure if this applies in your location if you’re not married, but it’s something to look into and might be informing your therapist’s advice here.
Omg. Tell him you are hard. Ffs. Role play on the phone. Fake him out.
If it’s an apartment you share then you have the right to remove unneeded/wanted things from it. My boyfriends ex left a bunch of her shit at the house when she moved out. When we moved out of that house later, I either decided to use the stuff for myself or get rid of it if I didn’t use said items.
If it’s not a place y’all share and he’d get upset for you cleaning stuff out then you may just have to learn to let it go.
He isn't, I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone like that.
He works only part time. We're not from the US, there is a fixed amount he would have to pay, minus my advantage because of lesser housing costs.
I do earn a bit more because I work more.
You spend all your time on Reddit talking to people you don't know and given your biased views, not knowing which prostitute is sucking your husbands cock as you type. He's definitely enjoying having you as a wife… So wrapped up thinking you are great that you are oblivious to other family and friends issues that might be going on.. Enjoy making love to your keyboard you dull woman.
Good day
You’re very welcome! I know it’s not easy. Give yourself room to feel, wether it’s to grieve the relationship, communicate further for closure or to find a common ground. You will figure it out with time!
This is a LOT for 3 months. Too much. I love you a month in, constant fighting, him belittling you and calling you paranoid, him being defensive and lying about social media. “You can't force me to do something I don't want to do”. You should be in peak honeymoon phase where everything is wonderful – a fight or disagreement (not to the point of namecalling) here and there is normal but what you're describing sounds like constant highs and lows and emotional turmoil. It should be easy at 3 months, it sounds very not easy.
You probably want to take a look at your own communication style and needs: it sounds like you may expect CONSTANT communication from him, which can be a red flag for codependency. Codependent types can be very drawn to volatile up-and-down type relationships and may be unwilling to give up on bad ones (which this is). I am not saying that is you – just that you may want to look into it and see if certain things resonate. I'd feel very smothered with that kind of mindset (if he's online and not talking to me he's disrespecting me). That doesn't at all excuse the lying but he may not be entirely off base with the insecure.
Between that, his lies, his “you can't MAKE ME” and refusal to compromise, how often it sounds like you guys are fighting, and how quickly things like “I love you” got thrown around this relationship sounds toxic and not good for you. You are not getting your needs met at the end of the day, and that is a perfectly good reason to not be in a relationship with someone.
I think I’m going to kill her instead so I never have to see or hear from her again, and she wont be able to have sex with any one else
Turning off the location means he knew it was wrong and chose he didn’t care about you. What you do with that information is up to you OP, but you deserve someone that treats you with love and kindness.
And you are with this, um, woman because? You're tying yourself in knots, spending oodles of cash to fulfill her demands, and all you get is disrespect. She's a user who does not value you. You deserve much, much better. Lose. Her. Now.
Girl you need to go to the fucking police.
I would sit her down in a non-confrontational way and say you want to talk to her about something that's on your mind. You could tell her that you really appreciate that she wanted to do something special for your anniversary and that you think she looks awesome in the photos, but it really bothers you that:
a “friend” of yours that would normally never see her hard has seen used this business idea to see her hot you can't help feeling that this “friend” has taken advantage of this business to see your wife nude
I would stress to her that you are not accusing her of anything (ie cheating) but that it does seem like a bit of poor judgment. A photographer is not a doctor or a lawyer. There are no laws or code that requires them to treat the photographs confidentially or to keep them from ending up in the wrong hands (ie him selling them or using them for marketing or obviously for himself). And finally, this whole thing has convinced you that you will be taking a break from this friend and keeping distance from him for a while. But also, you really both need to make sure that he hasn't kept any copies.
Any white dress will do. Text her a picture and say that’s what you will be wearing.
Nope, wish I could say it was but unfortunately this did actually happen to me.
My love, come on, now. You are not this innocent.
I’m sure you’re right about me making something out of nothing. It’s hard to figure out how to trust myself and decipher what’s real intuitive warning from what’s just fear and paranoia
You need to get your mother out of your house or you will loose your family. I am actually surprised your wife hasn't already walked away. You should see a therapist so you can talk this situation out with someone. They might be able to point you to some services for your mom. They will also help you figure out how to deal with this situation.
I wouldn't worry about the apology, I'd be worried about surviving.
I'm normally the biggest optimist who always tries to find a way through to understanding and forgiveness and kindness.
Not this time. I think you are in serious danger. This has murder-suicide written all over it.
I think for the first time ever on Reddit, I'm saying put yourself first and get out.
I would defend myself if it escalated of course
You keep telling that she's a good person yet wants to wait with sex until marriage? Extremely contradictive things.
What’s your thought?
I assume because she's claiming it has been vacuumed and that he's being overly critical of the job she did. So looking at the electrical draw helps him dismiss the gaslighting.
What are you talking about? He didn’t say that? There are other birth control methods that don’t include hormones?
That's what I was thinking, which is why I said it's not really believable.
The things is, I think they’re both really pretty! I think I only drag more attention because I look really different, but I wish they would also see their beauty too. S pulls men a lot! I think it’s her personality that gets in the way sometimes, just a personal opinion though. Definitely going to work on meeting new people, it’s for the better.
If a woman smiles and is pleasant to you in conversation, it does not necessarily mean she is flirting and inviting you to “shoot your shot”.
UpdateMe!
Nar-anon is a good resource.
In what context is this even coming up? Start shutting it down, hard, and publicly. Sorry but her insecurities should never be dealt with by putting YOU down. Unacceptable. You’re a partnership or you’re not.
Thank you. I'm going to talk to him about this.
This is just people who suck at story telling. Anyone who can’t give you the gist of the conversation and then get to the punchline isn’t telling a story, they’re just regurgitating their experiences.
If she really has a problem with not “being able” to reject men flirting with her, then she needs to stop going to places where people exclusively go to flirt with eachother.
Yeah your right it is easier said than done especially for those of us are not the ones who have to break things off. But you will be better off in the end by far. Let this be a learning experience for you also.
I understand. I just remembered an important piece of info that I added to the post, if that changes anything.
Is it an internet “friend” of hers? Does he know she is in relationship?
It's always easier to blame other people than to recognize that you're in a dysfunctional relationship. The problem here isn't these friends but is rather your boyfriend (and you, because it takes two to cock things up this badly).
If I were you, I would stop telling him you will never be alone with this other guy. Your BF most likely feels as though you’re treating him like an idiot when you say that. You’re going with your girl friend and her BF and you don’t think they will want some alone time? Come on now. You’re going to be traveling around getting drunk. There will be plenty of opportunities to cheat.
But, you’re 18, this relationship has been going for 6 months. This probably wont last forever. If I were your BF, I would probably end things. If I were you, I would go on the trip.
I've asked him to cut it off but he says that that is controlling and I can see that. His logic is that it's platonic and he's just being polite. We have had so many conversations over the years about it but he swears she means nothing. He just doesn't cut it off on principle that he shouldn't have to cut it off. We are actually engaged which is why I am thinking long term about whether this is a red flag or not. We've had issues with him having friendships with other women and complaining about me and our relationship to them but we've worked through it and he says he'll never do it again. I definitely don't keep any male friends around, nor am I in contact with any of my exes. What you're saying is right, I guess I just don't know if I'm over reacting by being weirded out by it?
Your family is NEVER going to accept you the way you are. They are intending to use guilt (over Missing important events) and a need to be loved and accepted to force you to online the life they want.
Maybe look up some content by ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses talking about shunning – how they execute it and the way they are taught to think about it… Because that’s exactly what your family is using here.
I’m sorry they’ve chosen their shitty theology over you. You deserve so much better.
Is she ever relying on this stuff in place of actual medical/evidence-based interventions? That would be my main concern.
Assuming that's not an issue, be polite, and try to remember that she's using this as a way of dealing with some of the issues she's struggling with.
All the desire and mutual mind reading in the world can't always make up for it when two people just have very different attitudes about the world. If she's socially avoidant she's ever going to be the life of the party. If you're someone who needs social interactions to recharge you you're never going to be someone happy to lead a more quiet, insular life. These are incompatibilities that likely won't change with age. So you two can either each force yourselves out of your innate comfort zones, or you can have a mature conversation about the fact that love alone is never enough to make a relationship work. Good luck
You still online together after breaking up like that, she doesn’t pay rent AND you’re babysitting her kid. Get a spine, dude. She doesn’t get a say in if you can bring anyone over to your home. If she doesn’t like it she can move out. She’s just an unwanted guest at this point.
I know a thing or two about therapy and boundaries.
The breach of protocol is clear. And OP should have her session in a secure place, that her house is not anymore. A friend can probably lend a room for an hour or two.
That's utter bs parents can't be happy?
Why are you texting your bf during class…? Why is he paying such close attention to your texting habits….? So exhausting.
Serious question. Is a year and a half together considered a rushed engagement?
We wouldn't get married until probably a year after the engagement that since we'd have to plan a wedding too. So that means we'd be together 2.5 years by the time we're married. We're not trying to rush into anything right now, but we do both feel very secure in the relationship and feel like it would make sense for us to get engaged next year.
Umm, don't marry this person. It only gets worse from here. Evict him and move on with your life, no one deserves to online like this.
Their are something she did want to do in the future that I didn’t. But if that’s the reason I don’t know how to feel about that.
The correct response is, “You have a ZERO% chance of me asking to get back with you”.
It’s not weird. People go through life at completely different rates.
Has he though? You feel rejected, unwanted, he absolutely refuses to touch or acknowledge your touch in public. Y'all are literally only having sex and he said you are not together. There is no romantic relationship. You are living some kind of delusion if you think all that means he wants you unconditionally lmao
Tell everyone you know. This is something he should get dragged hard for. And go out on your own, he can stay home.
Having my spouse do something like this would literally call into question the foundation of my whole relationship. I'm not sure we could go on normally, let alone recover.
Let him read ALL the comments.
Choose between having kids and being with him. It sounds increasingly like you will have to choose, so decide ahead of time when your priority is going to be.
Nah. That's not true. One of my ex-girlfriends just want to constantly held and touched. Then I was told off when I didn't. Sounds as good as it was. It was stifling.
You found out he's a racist before you tied the knot. Sounds like a win to me.
Thanks. But I’m not usually one to compare or be jealous. And I’m fine. I am happy and content, but I’d be lying if I said that sometimes it doesn’t get to me a bit. I think you’d be a liar if you said you’d never doubted yourself or felt a tad insecure.
I think so. Not great, not desperate, just ok. For some people who don't want to chase life's illusionary highs and are afraid of life's lows that is enough.
I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hot place. I have no friends or family in this state to be supportive and see what goes on . I do let certain people know what happens when it happens but if I take the kids and leave , where do I go ? Move 700miles with no money ? It gives me even more anxiety. She was the one who couldn't stand living in our former state because of the weather so we moved. The kids barely have friends here but back home , they have cousins who love them. I hate being in this situation.
“you know I have trust issues” “Well, now we both do”
My boyfriend and I have a shared account but I would NEVER put ALL of my money into it. People are fucking crazy and unpredictable, no matter how long you’ve been together or how much you “love” each other.
I was married last August, 31st. Earlier that month, two of my friends went into labor and delivered healthy babies. I am happy for them and ofc I knew they were pregnant (and the due date) when I planned my wedding. But since the date did fit us perfectly, we didn't change it. I told my friends about it and wished they could've come but in the end, it was okay. I respected their wish to get used to their new family situation and they respected my wish to have the wedding as my husband and I please. Lots of other family members could make it. Nobody was hurt and my friends and I plan on meeting soon (they online in a different country). Funny tho, now I am pregnant 😀
I let my ex convince me to change my name to his when we got married because he was aggressive about it. If he even saw a piece of mail with my maiden name on it he'd get mad. I finally got everything changed and it was a PITA because I had an education, life and career before I met him and all those people knew me as my maiden name. Yet I was stupid and probably desperate and I changed my name for him. A decade later we divorced and I had to go through all that work to change it back. This is a huge red flag to me. You haven't even been together a year and this mofo demands you change your name? He's asking for husband level action on a