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☀ dominique ☀, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 31, 2022
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How are you 26 with a 23 year old kid…. something doesn't add up here…
most men don’t want to know past sexual experiences it will ruin their “idea” of you and get insecure
Dude, wake up. You have to realise that this person isn't worth having a long term relationship with. She broke your trust, lies to you and cheated on you emotionally and physically. You need to get yourself out of this situation for the sake of your mental health. High chance that you will probably not be able to get over this and this thing might eat you up for the upcoming time if you do decide to give her a chance for some reason. Man up, break it off, go to gym if you don't already and take your time to heal yourself. It might be difficult for your at start but eventually you'll find someone who treats you better by being faithful to you and not lying in this manner. Hopefully you do understand she isn't worth it regardless of the fact how much you love her and care for her. Gl and take care.
Yes, you are an utter piece of shit. You punished a defenseless animal, ffs. And how, exactly, did you think this was going to help? Your wife is just going to be pissed off and even less likely to listen to anything you have to say. Go try and get the dog back.
OP, ignore this creep. You are absolutely right and should not have to defend yourself live or in your relationship. If there is a god worth worshipping, they aren't condemning victims of sexual assault. Purity culture is weird weird weird and only created to give men a fictional privilege to “take” something that should be willingly shared. You have endured things no person should, and are still here, and that is worth celebrating. Please know you deserve better from a relationship.
Please please right now this is important, break up with her, she doesn't respect you and at best plan b, at worst a little dog that she like to keep around. Don't fall for it
Go and heal yourself and explore another venues
Why shame someone who didn’t do anything wrong,
So they actually learn from their mistakes. In this case the guy had already kicked OP. This is a grown man we're talking about, and he kicked a woman who is supposed to be his friend. OP brushed it off as “I grew up with brothers, I know what men are like”. That's beyond naive if she actually thinks she has been physical with her brothers so she can “handle herself”.
She doesn't seem to understand there's a massive difference between play fighting with her brothers and another grown man kicking her.
Then after he kicked her and they were in the car she tried to attack his masculinity. She needs to acknowledge that if she goes around doing things like that to men that she admits she knows are angry, aggressive, confrontational and violent then she's going to get hurt.
As a society we need to keep the focus on telling people not to be rapists and murderers, rather than telling women not to wear short skirts.
This is useless though. The Ken who don't do these things still won't do them, and the men who do them aren't going to change. They already know rape and murder is wrong, and they do it anyway.
imo, id go to him and offer a way for him to relive the experience but to be in control of the outcome in maaaybe a role play fashion
He is overwhelmed and tired. It doesn’t sound like this behavior is normal. Sometimes you need to let one go for the team (family) and this is one of those times.
It’s called respect. If you’ve had a big argument I think it’s perfectly valid to have your partner ask first before kissing or hugging – in case you don’t know if they’re comfortable with that or not yet
I did mean more in a normal relationship after 3 years. You should know your partner well enough by then to know what level of affection is appropriate. But I'm beginning to realise by the way this comment is getting updated and downvoted, that a lot of people still need to be asked, even after that time
Boyfriend sounds like an idiot to be honest. The person doing the piercing saw and touched….hhhhmmmm
I have an ex who made a tinder with a random females picture to ‘see’ how it was on a dating site for girls. So yeah, definitely possible it’s a catfish
You should hav stalked to her about your expectations before not after
I would definitely ask finance experts first so they can tell you if this is a good idea or a terrible idea, but keep this in mind as you do: your mothers home is likely her retirement plan. She’s been putting money into it, and the foreclosure process can easily take all that money away. $6k is nothing in comparison to the price of most homes, so she probably risks to lose a lot more than that if the bank forecloses on her.
With that in your head, how much of a financial headache are you willing to sign up for during her retirement? Or are you willing to just leave her hanging?
The only reason I’m saying any of this is because I have 2 parents that I have vastly different feelings about. My mother, who I would literally do anything for, and my father, who is going to have to rely on his own savings to survive his retirement.
My mother is my rock and my best friend, and I know that she has shitty spending habits (and she does make enough money to support them now), but I also know that I would happily fuck up my own credit just to support her later in life if she needs it. HOWEVER, I also know that she would never actually ask me to help her pay for anything if she didn’t know that I was very sound financially (and she definitely would not have asked me when I was 24), and given that your mother asked you for help when it seems like you’re not really ready to help is kind of a red flag, and definitely another thing to consider as you think about this. But this is clearly more of a “what makes sense for you” sort of a situation (again, ask personal finance people before you do anything).
Had a gf for 5 years with bipolar and I tried being the sweet and loving bf while she worked through. You’re the poison here and need to leave him alone. Let him heal and you work on yourself. While you figure out your medication and how to live with this, you’re actively abusing him and causing him trauma he’ll have to heal from for years to come
Not sure why you’re posting in an advice sub. Seems you’ve been looking for reasons to break up with her ever since you found out her body count, so just do it already.
Sounds like you should also be seeking therapy if you are insisting on staying with someone who is abusing you every time you go to her home.
Mangos, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Mangos, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
I'm going to side with the fiance here. Yeah yeah call me the bad guy so what?! I just wish I had a dollar every time somebody said oh no no no not me, I would never do X or Y thing not ever, cross my heart and hope to die I swear over my mothers grave. Then go on to do the same exact thing they swore they would never do. Everybody and I do mean everybody is capable of killing. They just need the right pressures, circumstances and ofcourse the right framing. Its the I felt scared and threaten so I shot him. Self defence? Or murder? Its semantics really. At the end of the day someone died its just that one is legal and the other one isn't but dead is dead.You still got blood on your hands even if it was justified.
What is the 1st step one must take to break someones trust. Easy, you must 1st gain their trust. How many people that have been cheated on say I never suspected or did not see it coming etc. Thats pretty much everybody. You say you would never cheat and I say I'm the queen of Wakanda. I'm a male by the way.
Note that a lot of affairs occur with people the partner already knows. Its the trainer at the gym, Jill from accounting at work. Her friend who is always there while your wife harrases you over silly things. Its that guy you have been talking to every morning you stop to get your starbucks coffee over the last 6 months. It makes sense that is someone you know because you already feel comfortable with them you already have a connection, share the same interests etc. Your friends are your friends because you share similar views. BML pussy hat vegan girl is not going to be friends with mr Maga hat, gas gusling f250 with a gun rack on the rear windshield. I know what some of you are going to say. Oh, I have a friend from the opposite sex that I would never ever blah blah. That is true. But can you say the same for every friend? Can your friend say the same? And can you say you will never ever until the day you die change your feelings? And yes, some people can say just that but also remember that this exact scenario isn't rare at all. I bet you know more people who have cheated or have been cheated on on 1st name basis than people who have cancer and have suffered a stroke combined. And you are also going tonsay oh thats just immature people should … people nothing!!! Peolle should steal, murder, lie, cheat etc and yet here we are.
Bottom line is this. A man and a woman are hanging out together in an intimate setting, having a good old time. When you look at them they are like a couple. Do you assume they are friends or do you assume they are an item? Heck, every time you see a man and a woman together like say at the supermarket do you assume friends or do you assume they are in a relationship? Be honest now. I mean lie all you want but you are only bull shiting yourself. Yes, they clould be just friends but the behavior doesn't say friend. It says boyfriend, husband or whatever. Lets be completely honest here. If you heard of a woman who had a man over at her house what would you think its going on? And this is regardless of her being single, engaged, married or whatever. I know what you are going to say… you are going to say oh but he should know better. Nope, you assume he should know better. Thats on you for your dumb assumptions. You assume things and then get all butthurt when people didn't see it your way. Sure, ideally he should had know better but he didn't and thats that.
The whole arguiing over him not trusting you in my opinion is stupid. If someone says they dodn't trust me sure, I would be hurt but I would also ask, ok, what can I do to prove to you I am not what you think. I would ask what has happened in their life that leads you to believe I am not a trust worthy person. The you have to trust me because I say so yewh, maybe that works in fantasy land but here in the real world it doesn't. People are full of insecurities and also full of shit. Its better to live in the real world and accept that people have all sorts of issues. I can also understabd why he would break the whole thing off He opened up to you and communicated his concernes and what do you do? You give him the good old fuck you. I'm right, you are wrong and yournfeelings doesn't matter because its how I feel that matters and you… well, you are just a dick I use to scratch my itch. Turn this whole scenario around and tell me you wouldn't be upset too.
Then I think he's good. You should still break it off, but nice to see he isn't a predator.
I really appreciate this, thank you. My issue with the therapy is, financial means, and the time. I’ve been swamped with work these recent months, and I don’t want to just pick a therapist/clinic to go to. But I definitely agree with not wanting to date with someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. And I ofc should exhibit that as well. But he did consider this as a valid excuse. I think it’s just that I feel hurt not being able to share my worries, with just him listening, because it would mean I would have to keep it to myself
They all traveled to dc together
So basically, he’s not even trying. See a couples counselor. If he’s not willing to do even THAT in order to improve your marriage, then he’s just a shitty person.
I prefer to have low key/minimal contact with most of these family members and yet my wife continues to seek more connection from them. I've explained to her multiple times 1 on 1 and via therapy why I prefer to have minimal contact with them.
our therapist keeps reminding me that while it's important to voice my needs and have boundaries, my wife's needs are important to consider too
What are her “needs” in this matter? Why is her desire to push you to engage with your family and engaging with them herself behind your back a “need” that you need to consider?
Her pushback involves that I am being controlling and that it's her right to have a relationship with my family
I say, divorce, and then cut contact with all of them. Fucking yikes.
Damn , hope that bish has her cancer returned ???
I agree lol
You guys don't have to be a-holes in the comments damn!
Your “friend” is the problem here.
All great advice OP. No amount of begging sending flowers can change her mind. I do feel that something in writing sent to her, NOT a text in your handwriting on a big card. Tell her from your heart what she means. Then all you can do is wait. Never forget you have children from her. Good luck mate.
Second third 4th 5rh chances are only on you. If you do give her another chance, be careful but if you are going to forgive, don't use it against her.
Can't afford insurance… how can I do this to myself
This is probably going to be a nude pill to swallow but he seems really immature and if he got THAT defensive over it, and then deleted his browsing history, i would also suspect something else is going on.
if he doesn't want to change this or work on it, then I would suggest leaving.
dump him, who is he to judge.
What does she want you to say?
“I am confused about the soup not being made here when that is more usual?”
She sounds kind of tiresome.
Oh I’m glad to hear that! You deserve better than what he’s doing to you. That’s not love.
he punched a wall because I got annoyed
You can't date someone this violent. It always starts with inanimate objects…
I've been getting more irritated at things he does, the way he breathes, eats
A sign that you resent him.
I think I still love him
You don't. And I think you do know what love is and you know you don't feel it. That is ok. You are so young! There is so much more life to life and people to meet who aren't violent.
He's said to me that if we broke up, he'd probably become self destructive and not take care of himself
Manipulation tactic. This might be true – but it sounds like he is already self destructive!
This is more than low-key toxic this is toxic. I've been there and it sucks. You are afraid of the unknown and feel comfortable even though it's a miserable relationship. You know what you have to do – time to wish him the best and end this.
You sure he even likes you? Some people just aren’t affectionate but honestly, I’d seriously evaluate if you two are compatible. I’m not super affectionate but I do want the occasional cuddle and nice words.
It’s who you’re picking.
Go find ladies with your same interests –
You’re probably picking based on looks.
Her behaviour is baffling. Wrapping zip lock bags an giving that as a present just made it so much worse. This almost seems like she is rubbing your nose in it.
This is how I felt, he said I paranoid and should seek help for it. I was his girlfriend but felt like his side piece. Thank you for making me feel like i’m not crazy!
I can understand the awkwardness. It happens to women sometimes, we underestimate at times just how much men have a physical advantage over us, and when they never show their true strength it can come as a surprise and be quite shocking, and frankly scary when we realise it.
In those moments it becomes truly apparent that if a man wanted to hurt me or overpower me he could probably do so with very little trouble. It sucks to learn it the way you did, however it is an important life lesson. Good to know it now than if you god forbid find yourself in a situation where you may need to defend yourself against a man, because when it comes to brute strength 99% of the time they will come out on top.
I mean he respected your no huge green flag. But side note my wife and I are legit sparring partners because of the strength difference so I can be her safe space while she learns self defense.
This man is gross. Hes not special. Ive heard this kind of crap from other women about their asshole EX boyfriends and EX husbands loads of times when we aere all younger. Anyone who would say any of these things to you is trash and should be binned. No man who vares about hou would make hou feel this way about yourself. Also, dealing with an alcoholic… Just dont, save yourself the heartache, that alone should be a deal breaker. Also 20 is not like a seriously high number. Like its not a shocking number. Please leave this guy. You deserve better. You cohld have slept with 20000 people and deserve better
Why are you still with this guy?
In a marriage, assets and finances get intertwined, and the courts will be involved in the divorce. If you remain unmarried, it makes for cleaner breakups. No courts mingling, less of an issue w shares finances, etc.
It isn't just the thought of breaking up. It's that breaking up as a married couple brings alot more risk into it, and that risk is often taken by the man in the marriage since most often, women initiate divorce.
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Well this guy is entirely mercenary, isn't he?
Couldn't have said it better, myself.
OP finds the fact that he doesn't much care about her or his child and has zero respect for her boundaries, to be some kind of exciting challenge or puzzle she somehow needs to solve. Likewise she's intrigued by his dishonesty and it triggers validation-seeking and closure-seeking behaviors. Otherwise OP would be anywhere else but asking the internet for advice.
Chronic Enablers like OP irritate me. They're the kind of people who vote for professional asskissing clowns like Boris Johnson, Ted Cruz, Scott Morrison, or who's that guy in Brazil, Bolsonaro? Leaders who might be deplorably evil if they weren't so corrupt and incompetent at everything except lying.
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Show your boyfriend this post, along with the comments. You explain the issue quite well to us. If he’s still dismissive, then that’s a red flag. He should be apologizing to you: “OMG. I am So sorry!! It was totally not my intention to hurt your feelings. I will stop making these jokes now that i know they bother you” and NOT telling you that “you’re too sensitive!”. Because right now, he’s basically just being a dick to you, too prideful to admit he did something wrong. A good boyfriend, a loving boyfriend will know when he’s fucked up, apologize, and not make the same fucking mistake again and again and again and gaslight you into thinking that YOU’re the problem and not him.
SHOW. HIM. THIS. POST.
Why would it? My goodness! Say you like him. You want a date. That's it. That's all you can do. What on earth do you think is going to happen? What else is there?
This man values sex more than he values you, he’s made that very clear. You are also sexually incompatible. Why are you still with him?
Sorry about your conditions, they sound painful. Hopefully, you will find a partner who understands your needs and can be there for you when you are in pain.
She doesn’t want me to hear her conversations and thinks I judge them, which just sounds like an excuse to me cuz most time I’m playing my game while she’s talking otp. I did check and she really just sits in her car talking. I’ve walked out before to catch her and she was talking to her friend. It’s just weird af.
Exactly
Ok, you should have lead with that.
Let's see this from the other side. I'm in a relationship with a girl that feels exactly like you do and that has done some procedures (lips, breasts, nose, eyelashes). I did not notice them until she told me about them a few months afterwards.
I am against these procedures. But, after talking about them in depth with her and her mom, I came to the conclusion that she has done it mostly to fix her personal image in the first place, and looks are in second.
Because she is always pampering me with compliments on how I look and how she is lucky she found someone like me, I can't really be angry about the procedures, cause she obviously wants to hear the same from me, or to say it I'm better words, to be in the same line with me when it comes to looks.
Honestly? I would confess to him about this. If he is the one, he will be there to support you I'm those decisions. If he is not, well, it's better to break it off sooner than later.
Good luck ?
He mentions tomboy ect and then being a lesbian is best ect. Clearly the underlying reason is something else as common sense defeats all his reasonings.
You should ask yourself… if he's this controlling when he's your bf… how controlling is he going to be if you marry him.
Should you stop? Seeing him? yes.
Can you explain what your problem is?
Substances don't make us do things. Substances lower inhibitions and allow us to act out what we want. As soon as his inhibitions were lowered, he sought the attention of other women. Do you honestly think things will change? Is there a point in staying with a man who's literally one party night away from dipping his wick in an inkwell not your own?
I might have been unclear with my text but I never told him to stop masturbating I told him to stop watching porn while doing it because it made me feel uncomfortable. Telling your partner to stop watching porn if you feel uncomfortable doesn’t feel wrong to me but I might for other. I would never ever tell by boyfriend to stop masturbating because that is on a whole different level, I believe that it is the porn that makes me uncomfortable but I might not have made that clear
Im sorry OP but you dum asf
Don’t listen to these people and feel pressured to have another one just because people on the internet tell you to. If you feel like having another one is a good idea then sure. But if you don’t then don’t. I do think you should sit down with your wife and go through the pros and cons of having a baby, especially at this age, financially, physically and otherwise. I am turning 40 this year and honestly physically and emotionally I’m a lot more tired and I like my space. When I was younger, I had a ton of energy to run around with my kids all day long, watch cartoons, do arts and crafts and being with them all day everyday. At 40 it is much harder unless you have enough money to hire help. Financially too will it be comfortable for both of you to raise a child? Really sit and hash it out with her. If she still wants a baby and you don’t then you will both have to decide who will give in or how you’re going to end the relationship. You’re in a tough situation and I hope it resolves well for all of you.
You just have to make a comment on the OP with exactly what I wrote and Reddit will do it for you. Hope that helps ?
I totally understand. I too am an overthinker and have trust issues. Im glad he deleted all of them. Now just focus on trying to leave that behind and be happy! Make new wonderful memories that will fill up his phone.
Why did you move in so quickly? She's clearly a rebound and your looking for that companionship you had for so long. Let her go. Be single and figure put your shit first.
I really appreciate your words and absolutely, getting into therapy is something I'll be prioritizing in order to get a handle on this. Thanks
That's what he says to you.
First be honest with how you felt (without making her feel that she did anything on purpose). It sounds like there was a lack of boundaries set. You should be able to have a responsible conversation about trying a second woman. This is not the most empathetic emotional route, but it is the possible quickest to at least give you comfort until you/both can figure out what your real turn-ons are: Work for the FMF. If your SO is now resistant, you know where you stand. If she is down and you find someone, do whatever you can to maximize your performance and lay it DOWN! Make your SO feel great during the experience. I think you need confirmation that she is down for the extra and not just down for the other guy. If she still rocks with you and another woman, she was just in the moment with the other guy and it comes back again to just having ground rules or being ok with it. I’m prepared to be downvoted.
Yeah, I could've freaked him out and he wasn't ready for it. Honestly I'd like to save some face and minimise contact for a couple of days so i could also clear my mind.
Overall, this does not sound good. Or healthy. Or anything like it. But let's analyze your post, shall we?
It's always been the case that he wants a wife who earns at least 60k, which I suppose is fair. It's his prerogative to want that. It's hugely important to him to have a financially equal partner.
As such, he's really pushed and supported me through my accounting qualifications and has not wanted to fully commit until this is done.
The financial equal is a bit weird, but nothing I'd break up over. Not on its own. Him pushing you to get there gives me a bit of a weird feeling, but I can't put my finger on WHY it does.
I lived with him from Jan to Apr at which point he asked for a break and I moved out and found a new place (he didn't help me).
So, he just… kicked you out, and that was that? Uhm. Also, if someone ask for a break, they should get a permanent break IMHO. Because the issues don't go away with a break. Because a “break” is often asshole-speak for “I wanna bang this nude chick/dick, but keep you in reserve”.
I paid about 70% of market rate rent. He asked me to do all the cooking and cleaning to make up for the rest.
Uhm, what? If he's that hell-bent on getting 100% from you, I'd have given him an invoice listing every hour of chores you do. And have him pay 100% regular pay for that kind of maid service. (Okay, maybe 50% because half of it is for you – I'd still have done it.) But, most importantly: It shows you he's not into this relationship because he has YOUR best interest at heart, but because he wants to get the last bit of everything out of you. That's the point where I'd say “dump him”.
Last year, in October, I got fired. Keep in mind he's now asking me to commit and decide whether I want to marry him and has decided he “can get over the financial disparity” as long as I do the chores and childcare.
ALERT: Red flag! Now that you're totally off-balance financially, he pressures you to commit to him, while letting you know he's doing you a favor by “offering” commitment if only you become his bangmaid, incubator and nanny in one.
Combine that with the fact he's very quick to dismiss you (like when he “asked for a break”), and you can see where this is going. Disparity in power (him having all of it because he's the sole provider), disparity in options… Don't do this to yourself.
I was very scared about my finances and asked him if he'd let me move in. He basically said no, by avoiding the question and saying he'd have to think about it.
For someone pressuring you into commitment, he's very unwilling to commit himself…
I asked why he said no, and he said he didn't think it would be good for the relationship to have me there depressed and unemployed.
Once again his “getting everything out of you” mentality at work. Unless you can contribute at least 50% financially and 100% in chores, he won't want you and will be looking for something better to come along. Also, can you imagine how he'd treat the “in sickness and in health” bit of the marriage vows? What would happen if you suffered from PPD after your first child was born? Also, doing *all* childcare and *all* household chores with a newborn is a number. Imagine what he'd expect if you had twins or even triplets…
I also asked him what would happen if I got unemployed whilst married and he got annoyed and said stop asking stupid questions, to avoid it.
Point. He knows what he'd do, and he does not want to tell you because he knows it's not what you'd want to hear.
No, now that I'm older and wiser, I would not accept any of this from a “partner”.
It’s also a dealbreaker for a lot of potential future partners, and also a very big thing to hide from potential future partners
My vagina has literally never been drier than reading all these wannabe fuckbois forgetting the part where she's a person with thoughts and feelings and the right to make her own choices. So damn glad I'm not 20 anymore
It was just the fact we both SWORE we would not be talking to other people during that time and it was just space
Your poor wife.
Hope it worked out for you, but I disagree with the principle of “I work, therefore I don't parent”
What possessed you to do this? This is like one of those “If I was a hornet and you didn't know it was me and I stung you would you crush me?” (and getting upset when the answer is “obviously”) sort of questions. Don't do it. Get over it. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
You sound like a big red flag. Stop overthinking a dream, and focus your energy on reality.
Kittens can sleep or rest almost anywhere with a pillow or towel and be just fine, a grown man doesn’t have as many options. So you prioritizing them on the bed over him, is you taking kitten care a bit too far. That said, his reaction is over the top and saying he doesnt want kids with you because he fears you’ll take care of the kids over him is so incredibly selfish, kids need more care than a grown ass adult male. Think long and nude about staying with this guy, as that right there shows he expects to be the priority, regardless of the needs of anyone else in the picture. That’s not someone who’d make a good partner.
He is 33 and still single….. red flags galore.
Respect his boundaries
I couldn’t even fathom my girlfriend being completely stressed out and her telling me she needs time/space and then turning around and complaining about how it makes me feel.
Has it occurred to you AT ALL that you’re adding to the amount of stress he’s going through by doing this? If you can’t deal with this then leave but Stop making this about you
Shocking behaviour
Wait, how old was she when she did this?
I am so so sorry about your son. That's devestating. I hope you and he and your whole family find some peace soon.
moreso perplexed
Leave her this is ridiculous.
Leave her this is ridiculous.
His family support me but there is only much that they can do. He has no respect to anyone. I live in the uk. Going back to my home country is not an option at the moment because it’s nude to online there esp with kids. The economy is bad and there are no jobs.
Interesting idea to try time apart. Thank you
You say “after meeting” you, were you guys official when this happened?
No, you take a look at your post write it properly in a way we can understand who has done said what to whom. Use more names not just “her”
After that you should post it again, you might get better response.
So you lied to us when you said “I would never accept cheating.” You mean you would never accept if your wife cheated on you, but if your friends continuously hurt people it’s fine because you’re not involved. They’re definitely top of the line people. Your friends are truly adequate representation of the values that you hold closest to you – trustworthiness ??
Prosecute. Don’t just leave but seek justice. And an improved sense of self worth.
I don’t agree with cutting the friend off. However, i understand and accept some people will want the friend cut off and that’s cool too. It’s just not what i would do.
You're mistaken, this is not a boyfriend , this is a child .
Do you want a child or a man ?
Well… I'd appreciate it not to be the only thing I get, I suppose
How will he behave if she gets highlights or cuts her hair. How would he act if she got cancer and lost her hair? What would he be like if she got pregnant and he didn't want the baby? How would he act if he did want the baby and her life was in danger if she didn't terminate the pregnancy? I do not think she can trust him.
I understand how you feel. My ex was addicted to Xanax and had alcoholism the entire time we were together. It took me a long time but I finally left, as much as I didn’t want to- I recommend you consider doing the same and leaving for your own sanity and mental health. You seem like a good person who cares a lot, like me, and it’s so heartbreaking watching someone you care about throw their life away over drugs. While marijuana I don’t consider to be a “drug”, in his case may lead him to relapsing on whatever “hard drugs” you mentioned he was doing, and it may not end well. If you can and if he’s open to it, potentially look into a rehab center for him if he has the finances. Otherwise keep your head up and try to stay strong.
It's not so much as “doing more” as having things you enjoy and can share with others. Things that aren't about money/career. Things in your life to share with a partner.
Try some hobbies, find things you like and want to continue, then chat with others and you'll end up expanding your social circles. Maybe find more people and a partner that way, if mot, at least you'll have fun along the way.
So the owners are Emma’s parents . They’re old money and I did met all of them at thanksgiving last years. They seemed nice people but they do have her working there as well. I never had a problem with her whatsoever or work trips but this threw me off.
I don’t know what HR can do regarding this if it’s a family thing.
You need to Google “ unintentional orgasm.” There are whole webpages is dedicated to this topic. It’s not uncommon for women and you don’t have to be sexually aroused to climax. It’s happened to me before.
Encourage her to look for treatment for CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or to try a Sex Therapist, she can request a referral from her GYN. There is also Pelvic Floor PT and dilator therapy. Does she have a history of anxiety?
This can be an adhd symptom actually. Does have trouble hearing people but doesn’t have hearing loss? Also a sign.
non binary
Values, morals, standards—a lot of these (not all) are social constructs that change drastically depending on time period, environment, culture, etc etc, this is a very close minded mindset to have. i’m sorry if the only experience you’ve had with poly ppl/ENM are annoying fckers (of which there are a lot) but thats not all of them. i’ve met lots of people in open marriages that have successful relationships because they’re doing what works for them instead of listening to ppl like you ☠️?
Its his bedroom too you know. Its not like they have separate rooms. He has a right to go in a room without having to ask to unlock the door.
It seems like your husband makes you feel special. That you hope his violence towards others won't be aimed at you directly because you are too special to him. But even if his violence isn't directed towards you, you can still be indirectly affected by his violence. That's the situation you are in now. Regardless of what sort of relationship you wanted to have with your family as an adult, your husband violently ripped that choice away from you and doesn't seem to regret it (you said in another comment that he said he would do it again to teach a “lesson”). So while you aren't the direct target of the violence, he is using his violence to control you and your relationships with others.
Well If I were your mom, I'd definitely want to know that someone I thought was a friend baby-trapped my barely adult son, but ultimately it's up to you.
There isn’t anything wrong with you. Sometimes people grow apart or change in different directions, and it’s ok. I was engaged and had a similar situation occur at 27. I thought it was something I did wrong or he did, but at the end of the day it boiled down to us being young and changing in ways that didn’t work with one another during our 20s. It’s difficult now, but it will be a learning experience and you will be ok. The biggest thing is to try and navigate the end of the relationship with kindness and empathy. It doesn’t have to be a horrible end and if you can preserve some form of kindness, you can hopefully salvage some form of friendship in the future (future being keyword here).
It doesnt matter who she is unfaithful with in a relationship? Like what would i care if she did it with her father, the neighbor, her teacher,brad pitt, the fucking dog??
Does not matter at all and he is right that he concentrates on that because that is all that matters in a relationship. Unfaithfulness should have the immediate action of breaking up and that is the answer op is looking for, not your or others “omg its the brother how exciting this drama is” bullshit.
Op break up with her else it will continue. For once you cant expect her to never have contact with her brother, it will happen one way or another unless she cuts her whole family off but how realistic do you think that is. So she cant even promise you the number one thing you would need to forgive the cheating.
Its over. It will eat you from the inside till you break if you continue this. I know by experience.
I know he’ll have a meltdown and be ballistic if he knows I’m the one who did it. I do not think he’ll become violent.
So his feelings are more important than the dog's safety. Okay.
You picked a real winner
Oh, so his love is conditional. Good to know.
I think these are all snap judgements that are pretty unfair. I wasn't cheating on her, I ran into a high school acquaintance and chatted with her for a bit. I deleted the messages because I knew that my GF would flip out on me and accuse me of cheating again.
She's not perfect either. She wants to hold on to the past and live there, I just want to move forward.
I think i'll take the risk .. i cant help what the heart wants… why stay in an unhappy relationship you know
These are all symptoms of bad mental health. Untreated depression and anxiety can look like this.
I urge you to address this as a mental health issue and not a matter of lack of motivation or laziness, nor physical size and appearance.
Talk to her about her mental health, tell her you are concerned and would like her to seek treatment.
If she doesn't want to address her issues, then you have to decide whether your lifestyles line up and whether there is a future together that would satisfy you.
If you’re having trouble getting over a conversation about the possibility of an open marriage, there’s absolutely no way you’d be able to recover from giving him a “free pass” to sleep with someone else.
I think therapy would be beneficial. Even if you end up coming to the conclusion that you don’t want to stay together, you’ll know in your heart you did all you could to try to fix it.
Sign up for therapy and talk to a lawyer so you can have clarity about your options.
How much longer is LD?
There was about a 5 minute gap between me walking in and him coming out. I don't think it could've been masturbation, we had some smegsy time about 20ish minutes beforehand. We're pretty open and honest about our personal and combined sex life so I don't know why he would lie. I am very sex positive, especially when it comes to masturbation and expressing himself as long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life. It definitely seemed like he was taking a photo, not sure what else he could've been doing. The whole situation was weird.
Massive red flag. He is throwing a temper tantrum over you being responsible and him not getting his way. And he wants you to do something that will hurt you academically so he can have some fun. You should think very seriously if you want him to be your bf. Not husband material.
Plus, I assume it's a good experience, lol.
I mean, why?
Because porn told you? They are acting.
On top of that when you watch that stuff what's the actual mechanical impact of having two girls? They basically just take turns, right? You could see how it comes across as 'I just want to have sex with another girl in front of you' given you can't even actually answer what she is meant to get out of it.
Just be real about that. If she asked you to go with a MMF would you get weird? Like, what, not cool watching another guy plow her while you cool off or something? Starting to see the problems? What if she came harder with him then she ever could with you? Heck, what if you get your silly MFF and the other girl makes her cum harder than you ever could?
Like don't get me wrong, I am painting a grim picture of threesomes, but do note they are extremely overrated and most people just aren't really ready for them. Unlike others who have pointed out she isn't even ready to go into one in the first place I am just pointing out a few of the inevitable things you will face even if you did.
I'm going to be honest with you and you're not going to like it. This thread probably isn't going to go the way you're expecting it to. Your comment here set off alarm bells. It sounds like there's a reason you're reluctant to tell the full story. At this point, all I can say is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and if you want to work things out with the mother of your child, you probably need couple's therapy. Good luck.
my girlfriend have been together for about 2 months and she caught something from me that had to do with my past relationship.
ok, i *totally* misread that!
You mean she “caught” the convo about the Jersey. Totally different deal.
OK:
– She should not be going through your phone. That is a massive boundary violation and pretty much worth a break-up this early on on its own.
– I would be miffed if a new, exclusive boyfriend was reaching out to an ex about an object– no matter the value. If it was at all a recent (sounds like it) or contentious (also sounds like it) break-up, doubly so. Objects are often used as a reason to keep playing a thing out… if you are done, be done. Understand that the object, like the relationship, is gone, so it does make more sense that you might apologize about that— but, the bigger thing is, she shouldn't have been going through your phone in the first place.
– Heck no on that “open relationship” proposal.
Statement still stands that this much stuff this early on is pretty reg flaggy– and, also, are you sure you're over your ex enough to be launching a new relationship?
End it now. Let her go on her trip and cut loose a little.
Did you go through with it? I've never been in that position so I try to learn about it from other people's experience
As long as you don’t distribute them and delete when asked, keeping them is fine.
You’re a liar and a cheat. Let him know. Break up. He’ll find someone capable of being faithful eventually.
Inform his parents that he's suicidal or any family or friends of some sort then leave
You have men on your planet? What they for? Ooooohhhhhh
Damn. That’s poignant. And also hilarious.
As someone who wants to quit really badly, that hits me, man.
Of course I’ll forgive him. I was just making sure he realised how much he fucked up, and I’ve made him grovel.
I do love him though, so much.
I enjoy that he’s grovelling, and learnt his lesson. We’ve been together for 5 months.
You should be the one grovelling. Tell him what you did, grovel, show him you've learned your lesson. Hope that he doesn't dump your cheating ass
I did report the managers who saw it as well. I was shocked that I was seeing this in the first place so this could be the slower reaction time. I questioned them about it while they were walking away giggling if they actually drank some and who on earth told them it was allowed. They both responded with “the other manager”.
Backtracking is so fun to see ☕
I don't think they are saying op should agree to this, they are just suggesting a way for op to start a discussion about it with her boyfriend. Like telling him “before I agree to anything, let's talk about what exactly I would be agreeing to…” and then go from there.
Thank you. I told him that he hurt me and how I feel. He said that he didn't want to hurt me and he was just disinformed and he didn't know that a prenuptial contract would solve his worries about not losing his parents house (I also never in our relationship told him about wanting that house. I don't even care about it or about money. I even pay my half of the expenses everytime, because for me that's the correct choice). So that's why I am shocked and hurt about this
I would recommend that you bring it up with a bit of corcern for his health.
“Like, honey we need to talk. I think you need to go to the doctor. Maybe you remember that I brought up you smelled a bit a while ago, and honestly it never went away and I'm nervous there's something wrong.”
Been through a similar thing. Shit sucks. I’ll say one thing, you need to advocate for yourself more. If you want to do x, y, and z, communicate and do it. All the time that you’re just watching her do her own thing because you don’t want to impede on her, you try to do something nice for her and she doesn’t reciprocate, doesn’t mean anything in the long run. Push for what you want and if they’re unwilling to compromise, especially on what’s important for you, then you need to find someone that matches better with you.
I could probably pay off the debt over time, but I'm mostly afraid of this not being the last time it happens.
Their visa is dependent on partnership, I do worry that declaring insolvency would cause issues for that in future. But I might look at getting some legal advice, thank you.
Relationships are supposed to be fun. Have some
That’s my fear that we won’t be friends. We both are in the same friend group, and if that happens, the group might disperse.
This is a completely insincere “man”, more like a boy. Don't invest in listening or responding to him, block and move ahead. Don't go look at social media, don't text, don't read texts or listen to voice mails. He's a liar hon, and he's playing you. xo from a granny
I guess a question is how long can you live this way with this kind of relationship. Good that she is in therapy, but hopefully there is progress to the point you don’t have to do this kind of action indefinitely.
Women like you are vile. Abhorrently so. YTA
Jesus, cut it with the “friend group” bullshit. All people deserve basic respect, kindness and love. Im guessing you’re a teenager and grossly under equipped to handle adult relationships. I know this must not make much sense to you, but the internet is universally telling you that you’re doing it all wrong. Get the hint, get off Reddit, look in the mirror and listen to your boyfriend. He may be the only sane person in your life. THIS is your wake up call.
Well yea the guys 32 and she's barely out of college lol
Well yea the guys 32 and she's barely out of college lol
I have some views here but I'd like to ask a couple of questions if I could:
How long have you been together? How often do these little “discussions” happen? How many times have you made plans and he has not followed the plans? (Not Super Important) Do you sometimes live with him? Weekends, full weeks, etc.
Thanks.
More like because I didn't disclose upfront that I like to read easy popular books instead of intellectual ones, and he felt he had invested in the relationship only to find out I was someone else.
Hrm 2 yrs is usually the point were people settle and the sex can die down. It shouldn't however get worse of one partner. It's horrible that he has become a selfish lover. I hope you can get him to knock it off or this is likely to continue into the future and be even worse for you. He has to be willing to make that change for you and go back to giving you orgasms.
You can make a report to your local humane society or equivalent where you live if there is one. Just the medical need alone is enough to warrant that. If your country doesn’t have an animal welfare agency then I’m not sure what agency regulates this.
I appreciate your bluntness. Thank you
How is he so macho if he sucks in bed? Have you asked him how that works? Stop having sex with him until he is man enough to learn how to fuck.
She's still sleeping with this guy. Leave.
We talk all the time! It’s a key to our relationship. And we talk about this a lot. We can’t seem to put our finger on the spot and I’ll probably go talk to my therapist about it a bit. Manly men have those as well!
Appreciate the comment about the bigot item. It’s a real one for sure. Went to CU Boulder and I remember seeing guys with red hats get bitch slapped by women all the time without a word coming from their mouth. But hey, to each their own on that item.
I was just PMing someone about this topic and the advice they gave me was to treat going into the environment like watching a TV show and try and dissect it all analytically so that I can feel out better ways to include myself and hang out. Going to definitely be trying the approach.
Your girlfriend sounds insane. Run, dude.
I wouldn’t touch that man with a 39 1/2 foot pole
You deserve better!
You’re beautiful. He’s an idiot. Dump him and don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t make you feel beautiful, even on your worst days.
It's understandable that you're feeling baffled by your girlfriend's sudden behavior, as it seems like it was based on a misunderstanding from a third-party source. It's important to remember that emotions can be complex and sometimes irrational, so it's possible that your girlfriend may have other underlying concerns or insecurities that are being triggered by this incident.
One way to approach this situation is to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend. Try to avoid getting defensive or dismissive of her feelings, and instead, listen to her perspective and validate her emotions. It may be helpful to clarify your intentions and feelings towards her, and to address any concerns she may have about your relationship.
Regarding the bartender's comments, it's important to take them with a grain of salt and not give them too much weight in your relationship. As you mentioned, this person may have their own biases or motives, and their opinion should not be the sole basis for making decisions about your relationship.
Overall, it's important to communicate openly and work towards understanding each other's perspectives in order to resolve any issues in your relationship.
People don't delete accidental text messages.
He sees a therapist and a psychologist. I did contact them and let them know what was happening. They obviously cannot tell me anything but I wanted them to know.
Keep taking the meds
Exactly. My ex did it too, bc he was fucking his ex, and other girls too. My current bf? Wanted to make it official just from the start, fb “taken” included, and when his ex starts to text him later (very flirty, tons of emojis), he told her he has a gf. See? It's that simple.
Correction – your ex gf emotionally detatched from you.
It is an important distinction. I am sorry to tell you this but it is over. You ended things. You are no longer together. She doesn't love you anymore 🙁 It sucks I know but it's the truth and the sooner you accept it the sooner you can move on. You are young – I imagine this was your first super serious relationship – but I promise you will find someone who you have an even better connection with.
But it starts from moving on from this one. First, find a way to stop living together. Who's on the lease? Can you stay with a friend or familiar member if you need to?
Then you gotta cut all contact. No reminders, no false hope that she may want to get back with you. Gotta end it.
Then you work on yourself – spend time with friends and family, dive into your hobbies or pick up a new one, work out, read a book. You'll be ok but you need time apart to get the healing process started.
That starts with the living arrangement.
You’ve gotta use your words babe. You have to ask for what you want. Very few people have psychic abilities. But most people will adjust their behavior for someone they love if they know precisely what is expected.
He sounds like a sweetheart and I’m sure if he knows what you want he will try.
You don't need to be scared to bring it up.
Just outright say she asked a question which let you know that you might have different perspectives on how you handle finances as a couple.
It's so important to talk about it, most couples would want to be aware of big purchases even if it's for them as a couple. However, I have come across couples where one of them doesn't care and will let the other one do what they want as long as bills are payed.
If she's part of the latter, it's so important to know. Mainly because it means you'd have to be aware of the fact that she might do this, and you'd need to know if you could ever trust her to only do this in circumstances which you would be happy with.
I think it's insane, but I know a few couple who work like this. Which makes me believe there will be others. Personally, I couldn't handle this.
I told him that at the end of the day it’s a matter of being respectful towards others..
^^This^^,
and if he doesn't see eye-to-eye on you on this subject, that is a MASSIVE incompatibility between the two of you.
he believes that it’s wrong and has even gone as far as saying he “now identifies as a white woman” when he’s literally an Indian/ Filipino guy.
Tell him you're not attracted to white women and break up with him. ?
This isn’t even an ok relationship. He doesn’t care about you or your feelings.
Just do what I did.
Let her walk right out the door next time she threatened it.
And then I locked the door behind her, blocked her on everything, and started to move the hell on with my life.
I would break it off. She is a romantic type. This is her way of justifying being able to act on a whim. She will eventually execute on this plan.
Your girlfriend has a real sex problem if she really can't bear to not have sex for 3 days. Or, she's just incredibly selfish.
You're injured, it will take time to heal. She just needs to be patient, or she needs to be single.
I agree that it’s gross regardless
Honestly I think nothing is happening but something could and I think you need couples counseling. I think you both need to talk to each other the minute she turns to him for emotional support over you that’s not good. Maybe cut back on hours working idk but I think couples counseling should be the first priority
And look at it another way: How many women have you seen say something to the effect of, “I can dress however I want to! You shouldn't sexualize me just because I dress a certain way!”
So op didn't sexualize her and still got shit for it because “any guy would fuck me”, insinuating that it would be natural and desired for a man to sexualize her lol
Insanity.
He’s a good person. He does help when he is home, but that’s like 1.5 hours of our daughter’s whole day. He is kind to me in other ways. I could be better too, but it is nude because I am genuinely so drained/stressed by the time he gets home, all I want to do is sleep.
He is manipulating you. Call the cops and have a welfare check done, block him, and go to therapy to work through your issues.
Of course you're allowed an opinion! But I don't understand why you think other people here “made shit up” when you concocted an entire motivation for the girlfriend on your own that isn't in the post.
Being late and frustrated is no excuse for being explosively angry and abusing a child. If you have told him before that it’s unacceptable and he has done it again then you need to either make sure he gets into therapy to learn how to better control his anger and process his emotions instead of taking them out on a kid, OR you need to seriously rethink your marriage.
Children are brand new little people with big, new emotions that they often cannot regulate and they need adults to help them learn how to do that. If he isn’t able to regulate himself as an adult then your husband is just going to cause more harm than good. You’ve already set a clear boundary with him, and he has crossed it. He needs therapy if he cannot regulate himself so that he doesn’t further harm your child who has had bad prior experiences with your ex.
If your ex is unwilling to take responsibility for his actions and take steps to better himself for your son AND your coming child, then he doesn’t deserve access to them. Period. You need to protect the kids first.
Yes you will.
Mom, as comfortable and happy as you are surrounded by things, is as uncomfortable as I am. Having space and sparsity makes me peaceful and happy. Having things like you like them make me sad, depressed and uncomfortable. I will have no choice but to regift, return or donate any items you keep providing. I do not want them, but appreciate the love you had in obtaining them. But please stop.
I love to keep hearing about crazy trans people making it harder for normal trans people to exist. I might be going on a rant here but im in my 30s and transitioned over 10 years ago. 90% of my guy friends don’t even know im trans and I just live like any other dude. The only thing that kind of sucks is to hear the person saying they’re pretending to be a man. But idk maybe this trans person is one of those that don’t even put in effort.
Anyways I don’t even have advice but yeah wow wish there was just more representation of normal trans people, although maybe the normal ones like me just don’t tell people so that’s why you only hear about the crazy ones.
Read the post.
She did the downpayment. She does the housework.
At least until she's repaid for the downpayment I think it's fine.
My dad had an incurable cancer. Somehow, once he was on the experimental trials, a new one seemed to be available each time the cancer mutated to resist the last one. He lived 16 years after they told him he had 5 left.
I wouldn’t say the last year had a quality of life I would accept. I went with his wishes though.
His parents are one of those “ he wouldn’t do that. He’s my sweet baby boy “ kind of parents
baking powder and lemon juice…
Goddamnit… comes from watching “clean ur kitchen like gramma” videos!
I think you’ve already concluded it’s time to move on that said. Having to beg him not to cheat, is this because he’s a pos or is it because you have a fear of being cheated on? If it’s the latter is would suggest processing that before starting a new relationship. Trust is very important in a long term relationship and may be a good idea to find therapy and do some inner work before moving on. Not that I would be able to trust someone who is watching a series on things not to say to prostitutes
Thank you. I feel like a job is a job, i don’t need to be making like 30 an hour right now
Obviously OP, I don’t know the girl so take this with a grain of salt and all. And as other people have said, clearly she has issues.
But also, clearly she’s LYING to some degree about how great and how happy and how much better than you the other guy is. And most of them are pretty clearly lies at that. Almost like she was saying stuff she heard on dating sit-coms about how to make you jealous/hurt/pissed off.
Here’s the thing…this is a strategy on your (hopefully ex) bf’s part.
By saying you’re constantly effing up but failing to provide concrete examples he removes your ability to make changes. If you were able to make an effort and possibly change some things, then he would have to acknowledge that effort. He also wouldn’t be able to blame you for messing things up if you change how or no longer do them at all. This is called a moving goal post. He’s leaving it open to potentially find fault with anything you do. His strategy is to keep you guessing what “everything is your fault” actually means.
He’s trying to start a cycle where he blames you for some trivial thing that’s really his responsibility, you make some huge effort to make it up to him (this benefits only him btw, not your relationship as a whole) and then when you feel like things are back to normal he throws another fit to get you to go above and beyond again.
Dump him.
Our lease ends in September. Could that be an idea? Might be a smoother transition, at least living-situation-wise.
Sounds like he needs some nude core therapy. He's clearly not coping with daily life at this point and it is absolutely NOT your job to console him and act like a therapist 24/7.
You have needs as well, and while yes he's clearly suffering through a mental health crisis you shouldn't be relegated to being a wall he can complain to and seek comfort from with zero reciprocity.
Is he willing to go to an intensive therapy program? If not, I think you have to have a hard discussion with him about your needs, boundaries, and reestablish that you are also a feeling thinking person and can't be an emotional black hole.
Your friend is a moron, setting up a dating profile IS DOING SOMETHING. Just because he may not get the opportunity to take it to the next level, that is troublesome. Follow your gut and talk to him about how you feel and go to counseling to try to Strat putting effort into IMPROVING Your connection. If he doesn't want to, take him at his word.
Absolutely leave him. I’ve complained about my partner to my fam or friends before, but not ever about her cultural, ethnicity, or ‘race’. (She’s not white and not American). They’re both gross unreconstructed racists who just put on a nice face in public. Plus, if he thinks you “tricked” him into being w you, he does not appreciate you. You have the element of surprise. Go for walks, see friends, decide how you feel, but if you wanna just dip, do it. Find a friend, make it work. But that was painful to read and I’m so so sorry bc you don’t deserve that
Break up now. Why next week?
She’s not “scum”, she’s 22 with two kids and a lazy husband, she’s probably struggling and desperate. That doesn’t make it right, but she’s not “scum”, Jesus Christ.
To me it just comes off as a matter of liking the painting but not liking the memories/person attached to it anymore, especially now with a new partner, telling you directly wouldve probably made you feel as if he wasn’t over his ex, when that’s not the case
Five hours later, she tells me that she went through my personal files and photos.
I literally laughed out loud. Does she have no self control? This is too funny.
You don't trust her anymore because she showed you that you shouldn't trust her. Personally, I would not give it another shot. Do you want to constantly be questioned for very normal inconsequential things for the rest of your relationship?
Btw, she sounds immature. Maybe someone a little older wouldn't act like this.
I live in a lower incomes building in a nice-ish neighborhood in Chicago (been in Chicago for 18 years) and I think you're being a bit naive. No, people are not shot 24/7, you're pretty safe from that if you're not in a gang. But people get mugged all the time. I wouldn't say not to move here (I personally love it here) but you really need to have your wits about you at all times, and if you are categorically denying thee crimes that do happen, I feel like you're gonna be one of those people who walks around semi-tranced and not paying attention to anything, not taking in their surroundings, etc. I don't go out at night unless I need to and I've been privy to a lot of violent arguments out my window, one 3 weeks ago involved a guy pulling a knife. That wouldn't be your business, but it's something you might walk past. Most people I know have been mugged. My partner worked in a govt office and got pulled into a house and had a gun pulled on him while walking to the train to get home in broad daylight. I've seen so many random men's penises and been followed from public transit — that's normal for women. Our neighborhood has been tagged up with gang shit since lockdown (and check out the “group events” at Millennium Park that happen in the summer). Your boyfriend is not wrong to not want to add that stress to his life even if it's relatively fine.
Chicago is not your playground. People are born and die here.
You need to tell your husband that this guy gets the fuck out of his life or you will.
This is a disgusting betrayal on very many levels. You deserve to feel safe and cherished by your partner.
I'd have been gone as soon as I read it.
Nope – definitely not worth saving a bit of money to stay at his place.
I agree it’s certainly more than the pregnancy part even though that’s all the wife seemed to argue.
It’s just that people who’ve had higher benefits are often all for equality until something is taken away from them. Want to keep your own surname? Cool. Want the babies to have only your surname? Woah that’s too far.
OP could be the perfect equal partner and caregiver without ever needing to be reminded. But one could argue fairness would be giving women a turn to pass on maiden names for the same amount of time that children have automatically been given their father’s surnames (considering most of this time the caretaking was also not equal). But again, this is not what the wife was saying – just food for thought.
You need to be realistic…you two are at completely different points in life. He's just starting out and experiencing the world (you are contributing to his experience) and you're entering middle age…. just not compatible in a long term relationship….