0 views
♥LIAM RODJER and AMANDA♥, 18 y.o.
Location:
Room subject:
To Start live video press there
Live Live Sex Chat rooms ♥LIAM RODJER and AMANDA♥
Date: October 23, 2022
The ad code is not a valid HTML code.
Fix the ad code in the Theme options.
Fix the ad code in the Theme options.
I have a coil in, take the pill and also ask him to wear condoms. The chances of an unplanned pregnancy are 0%. I am taking every step I can to ensure I am not in this situation which is why I have no idea why he came out with this conversation.
You have a right to feel however you want to feel. Questions of right and wrong come when deciding what if anything to do about it. If you're worried about your GF's safety or think she may have a drinking problem, you can discuss that with her. And in the future you don't have to pretend you find it funny if you don't.
I feel like most comments didn't read the whole post. I understand that you did cnc stuff before and if I was hin I would feel like shit too and its a good thing that he does. If he does it again after you say the safe word THEN I would leave him. If you feel like you can't be with him after what happened also then you should leave but don't discredit the fact that he feels horrible. If he didn't feel anything that would be REALLY bad but the fact that he does feel bad makes me think he isn't dangerous but he definitely is questionable
You should probably fry your eggs and make sure you can never reproduce
Well not necessarily. That could just break his self-esteem, make him to let go of all efforts and lower his expectations in terms of dating. I would suggest talking it out and letting him know that he CAN make the effort to look better and be attractive.
He just wants to bang you with no responsibilities
You clearly crossed a boundary. You don't cuddle with someone of the opposite gender when he's in a towel. This a boundary that most monogamous couples would have unless stated otherwise. How would you have felt if you came home and saw your boyfriend cuddling up a girl when she's half hot.
It's not unreasonable for him to ask for a paternity test. You should do it just to clear it up for him. Are you worried the results would show otherwise? Then you should apologize for your behaviour, discuss boundaries for your relationship and compromise.
Comment Rule 1: All comments must be on topic and focus on the OP, in good faith. Derailing arguments, fights, and moral whataboutism is not allowed. Advice given must be good, ethical advice. Remember, the goal is to help your fellow human.
It changes YOUR feelings. But it does not change anything about the dynamic of the relationship. Nothing whatsoever. It's like learning you like chocolate better than vanilla. It has no effect other than the insecurities of the recipient.
And last time I checked, your insecurities are not my problem nor my fault.
Also, in another comment op said she kept asking him about his type. Obviously he will point out hot celebrities if she asks for his type.
It sounds like you may have vaginismus, which was what I went through trying to lose my virginity as well. It took me a long time to get over it, but I finally am (mostly). There is treatment available for that. Or you could have another medical issue. Either way, see a gyno and hopefully they can figure it out.
For me, doctors just treated me like I was crazy and never helped me. I finally just decided to have sex despite the pain because I had made my partner wait 2 years and didn't want to lose him. Over the years, I have learned how to relax my muscles through a combination of getting more comfortable with my own body, yoga, antidepressants/anti anxiety medication, and breathing exercises. Also of course, the more foreplay, the better. I'm talking 30 mins or more, and lube.
I thought the same thing, suuuuper gut wrenching, but THIS was the beginning. But the sooner she leaves this, the better for her.
And yep, if she stays, ouuuuch to the unhappiness she’s going to experience, in the every moment he is away, the wasted time in what is he doing.
I haven’t tried to date yet, and am not sure I will I am 46 and have been either LTR or married for 30+ yrs of that. I won’t lie and say even from reads that men my age are available and aren’t doing the same things.
I just know people don’t deserve this. Her husband comfortably would have kept this going had she not come across it thankfully.
And then he’s either not strong enough to cave to working peers giving peer pressure or he wanted to do this. Either aren’t great for her.
And then I’m like when you do things like this, how are his peers from work supposed to treat her at the Christmas party if he couldn’t even keep his dick in his pants. Like what are cheating people thinking. I don’t get it.
Yes, they taste like chicken.
Definitely- if for no other reason (and there are many), asking about STDs implies to me he isn’t concerned with condoms. That poor woman and the baby might have a dangerous infection already and not know.
Yikes that edit. Good luck.
That’s so wildly different though. Absolutely the courts will step in if there are child endangerment issues! As they should!
It’s not as cut and dried with two adult professionals who don’t have any reason for the court to believe the baby isn’t safe with.
Me experience clearly isn’t representative of everywhere or everyone, but in my divorce my ex and I agreed to a morality clause preventing romantic partners from overnights. He was a dumbass and didn’t realize that meant no cohabitation. I was the dumbass who thought it was enforceable. Went back to court and the judge basically said that since they were in a stable long term relationship he didn’t see any need to enforce and we actually changed the wording of the orders.
All of that is a long way of saying that she can ask and he can say no and there is no guarantee the courts will enforce what she wants
u/Suitable_Ad_6807, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You wouldn’t feel assaulted by your brother squeezing your butt?
Hurt people hurt people. So when someone acts like that, I imagine what could have caused them to be so hateful and then forgive them. But still avoid them afterwards. Not worth exposing myself to that more than once. Also look up Daryl Davis. Focusing on people who are the opposite of bigots helps make up for the ones that are.
I just kinda want to know what other information you need…. He admitted to it. You saw the flower receipt, you talked to the affair partner…what else do you need? The proof is literally in the pudding. I'm not trying to be mean because I completely understand this must be absolutely earth shattering, especially when you feel like that man is your whole world..but girl. Come on. You don't need anymore info!
He slept with a 19 year old. NineTEEN. Like, a teenager. That he is the teacher of. Then he treats you like dirt when you're sick, and throws you some sort of sorry “it's not you, it's me” in the form of that “you're endgame material” nonsense (I'm sure you're awesome but that is just such a f-boy comment I had a little hiccup when I read it). If you were endgame to him, he wouldn't jeopardize your future together by sleeping with a kid he teaches. Heck, not even just the relationship's future, but your future livelihood as well. Since, yanno, he can't keep himself from sleeping with his students, and that's a fireable offense. Now he wants to sit you down and finally “act” (in quotes because this will be an act) like a real partner just to cover his icky behind. Don't let him.
3 years seems like a long time, but trust me, you will get past it, and find someone who treats you how you actually deserve to be treated if you set yourself free! Don't make the mistake of letting him talk you out of it and then spend the next however many years in constant doubt. This wasn't a one time, maybe he made a horrible mistake type thing. He was buying her expensive gifts, he was more worried about her health then yours when you were sick, and he was ready to keep it going if you didn't find out. So take care of yourself, ok? And definitely report him.
Avoid him, keep busy and time. Think about how this was selfish of him to do that. He pisses off and you get the pain.
Set higher standards for your life partner or your kids will grow up with an abusive/absent father.
She hasn’t been attracted to him since they had the second kid she says. That’s what lead to the divorce
You don't. You asked, she said no, respect her boundaries or let her find someone who will. If it's not an enthusiastic yes it's a no.
Ps. It never goes well.
OP says they’ve been living there for 6 years. So I really doubt the roommate is just letting him stay there.
he knows full well he wouldnt be ok with you sending nudes to random strangers on the internet. he’s trying to manipulate you into not thinking this is a big deal, but it just means he’ll be better at hiding it from you in the future
I don't know why someone disagreed with the other comments so far. 2 years maximum and most people (maturity is a factor though) will know if they want to move towards marriage with their partner. I legit believe there is no timeline for anything. Socially, many people don't think under a year of dating is enough, but there are plenty of marriages that have stood the test of time even for them.
I'm not saying it's recommended, but all I'm saying is that there is no timeline and people need to move at their own pace. Sometimes finances don't line up, sometimes, people just don't think of it.
Hello /u/Southern_Border_8953,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Every single word of this.
I promise you young lady that there are men out there who would cut off their left arm to treat you like the amazing person that you are.
Your boyfriend is not that man.
Hello /u/throwRAFantastic,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
She won't have to either if she keeps making decisions of this magnitude with consulting her husband.
Hello /u/Awkward-Action8407,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
She needs therapy. I was inclined to believe her on the first incident because women can be catty like that but three separate groups in which there is no definitive proof that anything negative was said to her is way too much.
Don't drop anymore friends for her and make therapy a requirement of staying in a relationship with her if you think this is worth salvaging.
I say this with kindness. I have bpd and have been in a similar mental state. She may be undiagnosed but its clear she needs help to address her delusions.
Even if you break up I strongly recommend pushing her in this direction.
The jerk store called; they're all out of your boyfriend.
what can i do to express how his behavior was ridiculous?
“I can see that we're not compatible. Have a blessed life and lose my number.”
You’re delusional.
She would tell me, when she first started she tried it one time because the guy offered like $600.
Meaning if she told her husband in the future that she was a sugar baby but not a sex worker she'd be lying.
What is whose “opinion”? This was rape, sexual assault…I am a “real rape” victim of different varieties.
Eh I’m a parent and I would have laughed.
Gonna guess you make more money than she does?
You don’t send a text to a girl saying “it’s ok, u don’t have to come if u feel pressured “. Sounds like your whole vibe is too desperate + try hot, be cool DGAF teasing guy, that’s who she will be goin on a date with
Your wife is the problem here
What a selfish asshole.
You don’t have the ick, you straight up resent him. And guess what, even small levels of resentment over time can cause the other to lose confidence, which can cause them to not try and let themself go, it’s called learned helplessness. So you not wanting to hurt him by staying is actually hurting him. Break up and when he guilt trips you be honest, “look I’ve developed so much resentment from all our problems, that I don’t know how I feel. And I don’t know if you’re a terrible boyfriend or not. But I do know we’re not working, and my resentment isn’t good for me nor is it good for you, I can’t imagine how hot it is to feel good about yourself when I’m feeling so resentful all the time. We just don’t work together. I’m sorry.”
So you want to try to make this work with a cheater give it up buddy move on.
So when he yelled at me, tells me I’m crazy when he met a girl on a flight, brought her to my home, and shows up and he hooked up with her, then made her leave then used my credit card to get her home. Then told me he didn’t care about her and wanted to be with me. No gaslighting?
I agree on all points. Realistically I should have been a better boyfriend to begin with. I feel like I check almost all boxes but I’m not an edible arrangements type of guy or flowers but I should be for her because it shows appreciation. And my appreciation is like services, care, conversation etc. But I feel like these are just simple things not like cheating, or abuse, or anything else for us to fix so I don’t understand how she became so disinterested so quickly. I really thought I talked to her about getting married this year but she says I never talked about that with her. So I don’t really even know if I did or I just said that to myself this whole time. I’ve been collecting ring pictures and things she likes etc, got her size for a ring. I think she just convinced herself she was wasting time for some reason. Like she tried to convince herself not to be in love with me within the past month. She said “she doesn’t have anything left to give”. I do feel like the caretaking of her brother and the accident has had an effect on her greatly. But that’s a short term thing. When she moved out this past weekend he was here helping move stuff out but he does have to get another surgery because he wasn’t healing right. She’s an incredible person but communicating well is not particularly her thing and I don’t pick up on signs well either.
I agree on all points. Realistically I should have been a better boyfriend to begin with. I feel like I check almost all boxes but I’m not an edible arrangements type of guy or flowers but I should be for her because it shows appreciation. And my appreciation is like services, care, conversation etc. But I feel like these are just simple things not like cheating, or abuse, or anything else for us to fix so I don’t understand how she became so disinterested so quickly. I really thought I talked to her about getting married this year but she says I never talked about that with her. So I don’t really even know if I did or I just said that to myself this whole time. I’ve been collecting ring pictures and things she likes etc, got her size for a ring. I think she just convinced herself she was wasting time for some reason. Like she tried to convince herself not to be in love with me within the past month. She said “she doesn’t have anything left to give”. I do feel like the caretaking of her brother and the accident has had an effect on her greatly. But that’s a short term thing. When she moved out this past weekend he was here helping move stuff out but he does have to get another surgery because he wasn’t healing right. She’s an incredible person but communicating well is not particularly her thing and I don’t pick up on signs well either.
This is gross and upsetting. If you want to just leave, and not try to fight him on this or persuade him to fix it, I don’t think you are unjustified.
However. He is your husband so presumably you love and care about him and don’t want to throw your whole relationship history in the trash, but I assume you are also not going to accept living like this. His response suggests he is not currently planning to change. So you probably need to take action to help him and make this a form of an ultimatum: fix this, slash get help to fix this, or your relationship won’t continue.
I will take him at his word that this is depression. I assume this is affecting other areas of his life and yours. So he needs treatment, probably both meds and talk therapy. Meds means a psychiatrist, therapy means a PsyD, a MFT, a LPT or a LPC. Both are probably booked 3-5 weeks out on normal employer insurance, worse if you have Kaiser or a healthcare marketplace plan, or Medicare. You should start now to look at your health insurance plan to figure out next steps. Often there is an intermediate step where you talk with a coordinator on the phone and describe the issue, and they refer you to the right person or people for your situation. (You can just say you don’t want to overshare his personal private details that would be embarrassing but that you feel comfortable sharing that he is not taking care of himself, including basic hygiene, and it’s to the point of being a health hazard for you and he has stated he is resistant and not intending to change.) Then reach out to your trusted family or a close friend and explain you may need to stay over on occasion for a bit, you are going through something with your husband and you are safe but you know you are going to need to take some nights away for space while you work it out.
Then make the following ultimatum: 1) He stops peeing in bottles now. Tonight. Not he cleans it, not he reduces it, not he does it and hides it or you promise not to look — he stops the bottles now and he goes to using the bathroom. He can make sure to pee before bed to help reduce the impulse to go if needed. If he pees in a bottle again going forward, you will leave and stay with your family the next night. The second time will be 2-3 nights. The third time means you move out and don’t return until he has therapy well underway. 2) He makes appointments for depression treatment now. You will make the call and he will attend, or he can make the call and show proof. If he refuses, you will leave and stay with your family until he either lets you make the call or shows proof of the appointment. After the appointment he should be able to show you what med treatments they prescribed and who he is speaking to and give you a general sense of what their treatment plan and goals are. Tell him he has been both depressed and resistant about this, so you need him to show whatever documentation he has to provide you with the reassurance you need. 3) Tell him this: If he lies about treatment, you will file for divorce. If he refuses treatment, you will leave and stay with your parents for a few weeks and if he doesn’t get an appointment within 2 months, you will file for divorce. If he says he will start treatment and doesn’t go, comes up with excuses, or fails to make it a priority such that 2 months have passed and he has not attended a single appointment, you will file for divorce. Divorce takes 2-6 months and that’s if it goes quickly, which it may not, and if at any time he gets treatment you will put the divorce on pause until progress has been made enough for you to move back in and dismiss it, or continue with the process. If he starts treatment and drops out and the pee bottles return, the sequence of you staying with your parents and requiring treatment starts again, up to and including divorce. His depression might mean he hears this as a betrayal or that you don’t love him or think less of him, tell him that is not true. This is a problem, if he won’t admit it then you should not be together, if he wants to fix the problem then you want to support him and work with him, and that is why you are doing it.
I am sorry. This will be a lot of work. You can decide how much to do and how worth it that it seems to you. Good luck regardless.
I call my husband Bum, or BumBum. I have for many years. If he told me, just once, that he didn't like it, I'd stop. It's a respect thing. He doesn't get to tell you what should or shouldn't bother you when it comes to what YOU are being called.
another example – my brother and I went to school with a dude who hung in our group who had a nickname from the day we met him. He introduced himself with the name. Went by it all of high school and years after. One day he sent a text saying “I actually don't like being called [nickname], can you all please call me [real name]”. And we did. Coz… respect.
Do you want to continue your life with this man?? You guys are literally keeping distance, that’s the first red flag in a relationship, just divorce and find someone who will respect you better
Before making an opinion, ask yourself if your fiancé asks for your opinion.
Besides, my to-go saying is “if there is nothing nice to say, rather stay quiet”
Give him chance and see….Maybe he made mistake, we all do sometimes…I'm with my fiancé now 11yrs in, and I remember did something similar..I thank GOD she gave me a chance back again….
Dude r/deadbedrooms they understand
38 and been dating you for five years?
Fucking yikes.
The person you love doesn't exist. She showed you her true colours. Take it from someone who's been through this a few months ago, with a partner of almost 7 years….it feels like the world has ended, but it hasnt. You've got the strength to get through it. It will get better. You can live! without her. I know you're thinking “if I give her another chance she'll understand her mistake, appreciate it, and never betray me again, we'll be stronger than ever”….but that's not what's gonna a happen. She's gonna do it again whether it's next week or in 5 years. And you will never be able to trust her again. I gave my cheater 3 chances before I finally understood he will never stop, no matter how much he cries, apologises and promises he'll never do it again…Leaving is the hardest and most painful thing you can do, but also the right thing to do and the best decision in the long run. Good luck whatever you decide
You were smart to leave. Lord knows what she would accuse of if you held your fork the wrong way. It sounds like she has been spending too much time with her friend as well as easy to manipulate. You already have been accused of cheating. Im sure if you sit and think more red flags will appear.
Love
Yeah, it shows you that your wife doesn't want cheaters in her life. What's wrong with that?
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to not want to be with somebody who is in contact with their ex. The jacket this is weird, yea, but if he doesn’t want to be with somebody who talks to his ex he can make that choice. He’s controlling if he tries to force her not talk to her ex. If she wants to talk to her ex she can, but he needs to uphold his boundary and walk away then instead of guilting her or forcing her to not talk to him.
Your absolutely right ! I’ve been overlooking the big things in hope of small adjustments and that just doesn’t make sense . Working on a plan to move forward now ! Hoping everything goes good
As long as you have your boundaries then i think it would be nice, its always good to have someone who understands
I know not everyone has access, but in this case if his behavior and actions have truly changed, and he is not exhibiting any of these behaviors but you are still feeling this way, I'd heavily suggest couples counseling if all else fails. You can talk about it until you're blue in the face and get reassurance, but you've stated you have been and it's not helping with these issues, and that is probably the best time to start seeking outside help.
While I have very limited information here, it sounds like he honestly wasn't a good friend. It was a very one sided friendship- and while that doesn't necessarily mean that your relationship is bad, or that he is the same person, it's completely valid to struggle with such an extreme shift from one sided relationship to in a relationship. It would be very very hot for any person to simply let that go and move into dating.
Now it's also possible that he may be exhibiting some of these same traits still even if they are more toned down and subtle (again I have limited information here)- and if that is the case, I'd say it could absolutely be triggering these feelings of resentment that you have. I think that the first step is identifying what is triggering these feelings- is it repeated behaviors, is it reminders of the past, is it that you never processed those feelings when they first occurred? Once you've identified those feelings, I think it will be easier to determine if this is something that can be resolved solely by talking, or if you need more professional help to sort all this out.
So now she gave me an ultimatum take her or she walks.
Not necessarily. If it’s the type of strip climb where they have varying times, that could be for like one really long dance. Or multiple dances. Or a dancer could have convinced him to tip her a lot. Or 2 girls at a time. Anything is possible. It’s pretty common/fairly easy for a dancer to get a guy to spend 200$ on her for like 30-40 minutes.
There is a difference between violence in defence of others and violence for violence sakes. Its a well known tactic in war and fights to make sure you beat your opponent badly enough that they never fight you again. The husband was calculated in his use of violence not someone who is out of control or is a danger to everyone around him
Bro stop wasting your breath and just leave
You’d be surprised how well time boxing works. I talk about my shit for x minutes, then you go, etc. But really each couple needs to find a conversation style that works for them. Friends of mine literally agreed that they don’t care what the other person talks about, but they’ll be as engaged as they can be and ask questions and stuff simply because they want their partner to return the favor. Maybe try talking to him about…talking.
Having an ex call CPS won’t do anything unless she’s actually doing something wrong. She needs to block him
Why don't you call the fire hall? I bet the firefighters would love to help with the party!
Good on you OP, you did the right thing
Respectfully you are rejecting them because they're trans, and there's nothing wrong with that. You're a straight woman attracted to men. You can be supportive of their desire to transition and also politely bow out of the relationship. I'd just be completely honest and up front. You're happy for them to become who they're meant to be, but you're not attracted to women and don't want to be in a relationship, so your support will be as a friend, no ot a romantic partner.
If you wanted to make it work, you never should have cheated. There's a very small population of women that will forgive infidelities, as any self-respecting person wouldn't.
And that's not how throw away accounts work.
also im quite sure my mom doesnt spend her time looking at half hot men as shes too busy taking care of 4 children alone half the week and working long hours to provide
You don’t help him.
You stop dating him.
He’s showing abusive traits. Do you think it would stop at that if he moved in with you? I think it would escalate to physical abuse.
Visiting once in a while is different to moving in together. He’s on his best behaviour when he visits.
He’s showing his true colours now.
He doesn’t love you. If he did he wouldn’t treat you like shit. Are you sure he isn’t just using you to get residency?
Break up before your self esteem is so low that you start thinking this abusive twat is the best you can do. He isn’t. You can do better.
And mental illness is no excuse to behave like a cunt.
Your insecurities are showing. Until he gives you a reason, take his offerings at face value.
You got a point but the stress and damage that debt will cause in the long run can easily slaughter love.
Yes, it’s juvenile to not lay wreaths at the feet of people who have had a child. My bad. I’m going to send Mother Windsor, Lucretia Borgia and Octomom flowers. Stop being ridiculous
Spitting is really the most disgusting, low class, lack of respect thing anyone can do to another person. I would call it over and break up.
I don't think you can do anything else but break up. Let him know you aren't okay for blaming you for the guilt/shame he is feeling. You were both there and nobody protested against what was happening. This isn't on you and you shouldn't have to feel so insecure about this. Walk away proud. If he wants to blame anyone, he can blame himself.
Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m sorry you were manipulated in this way and has clouded your life in a certain aspect. I commend you for recognising that and for moving forward, take care!
You’re totally right.
You don’t want or lose him? Why? He’s an asshole. Get away from him asap
Ditto.
So you think I should talk to her? I just think she doesn’t love me or anyone else if she’s cheating on my dad with her own brother.
It is a very immature and emotionally manipulative way to behave. You need to decide if you want to be with someone who responds in this way
Cause he used to be my homie fr, or I thought he was, we grew up together and everything… until almost 2 years ago when we stopped talking, adult life separated our friendship I think… so that’s why I feel weird
i just dont get this mindset. I love my girl to look hot lol
Sexism seems to be contagious in your bfs family.
So… it may be better for your child to be kept away from this.
What makes me wonder is, how often older men are being humored and get away with it, as this was just being a trifle. “Oh, that's just the way he is!”
Me thinking: frigg, he then urgently needs to learn different ways to be!
They are never considering how much it may hurt his own wife/ mother!
Or even willingly belitteling her in front of others!
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Hey guys, When me and my partner met he was not a vegan. We have been together for 8 years and for the past year he has been a strict vegan but he is isolating himself and becoming controling. He told me today that he will no longer go anywhere where people could be eating meat. He said he will never visit my family for meals out or Christmas. He also said that we cannot go for date nights anymore as people could be eating meat in the cinema or restaurant. I have tried to tell him I think he is isolating himself too much, but he said he will do it with or without me? I'm stuck as eating out is my favourite thing to do and I love meeting family for dinners. Any thoughts?
UPDATE – I have told him I do not agree and that this is so over the top. This was his response – 'I will not reconsider, To give you a comparison, if a human stood and watched another human being raped and killed and eaten and didn't do anything, that's not OK, is it?'
Thank you everyone for your comments, I really appreciate it! Just to let you know, I have always done my best to support him. I am always more than happy to eat his vegan food, he was vegeterian for a few years before this and never took it this far. But, this just crosses the line for me and I feel like it is too much. Especially as all of my family always cater for him, so for him to refuse to see them makes me upset, I feel like I already do everything I can.
Further update – he has also messaged his parents to let them know he will never be eating at a dinner table with them again. I haven't spoken to him yet, I'm having some time to reflect.
Yeah, that might end up being the way but it makes me sad. the 12 year old is very astute… very high emotional intelligent and senses people's feelings. Def no hiding the issue.
I have a meeting with her school pysch on Friday so am going to make sure they keep an eye on them. I also have my best friend and their sports coach keeping an eye on them too. Lots of extra eyes and ears to make sure all is good.
I can understand my ex not wanting to be with me, I mean, couples fall out of love all the time… but the kids are such good kids, and yes, prob a bit bias, but they are fun and engaging and witty and people I love being around (apart from the eye rolls I get).
So this is where the story ends, really. You voiced your opinion, you suggested different styling. He doesn’t want to. The end. If you’re not attracted to him because of a haircut anymore, break up.
I was so confused by that. Pine needles??lol
That is so so weird OP…no normal person in relationship sends her bikini pics to father in law. And also, should have less communications too..they are not friends…even you dont chat with your dad a lot right?
How come your father only resurfaced 4 years ago? How was his previous relationship like?..does he like young girls?
Red flag is an understatement. It's more of a large clearly written sign stating “WARNING: Cliff ahead. Many have died here. Do not continue. Turn back now.”
Honestly, fighting is one of my boundaries. I will leave each and every relationship where there is regular arguing and fighting. Been there, done that – never again.
I have a friend who was in a similar relationship like yours, instead of breaking up they got married – that was literally their “solution”. Now they have a child together, not even a year later. Don't be like them. Be responsible.
Be glad that you don't have to play his game of guessing what he really wants. Just take him at his word and then take your things and go.
Yeah, I guess I feel like shit because while I've said I never liked it, I still have put up with it so that's my fault. Maybe it's because I'm the type to fawn or freeze when we argue, so I have never set a boundary and immediately fold under any confrontation. I guess it's very hot for him to control his words, and I can be annoying sometimes.
If you have to prove your whereabouts, and that you’re faithful – it’s not a healthy relationship (I only read the title- BTW)
Look into having your parents and grandparents put the entire inheritance into trust or a corporation and give you the shares and/or put you on the board.
These predate your marriage and would likely not be subject to marital asset rules (depending on location). Everything you earn during marriage will be shared if you live! in a community property state.
I'm sure they are also unhappy that you are unemployed, at age 32, but feel like reminding you of it would be beating you down.
You are a failure-to-thrive adult, unemployed, living with aging parents, unable to have a meaningful relationship with a partner. Providing them with a grandchild is really not the main problem here. Don't go looking into adoption or surrogacy as a way to satisfy them so you can continue dodging “maturation” as your prinicipal challenge.
Start living like an independent adult – get a job (even though you are “not too interested”), move out, then start dating (even though your heart's not in it), and maybe as a fully developed adult you can return to the grandchild issue. Or tell them to pound sand. In any case you are wasting your life in the current situation.
It sounds like he's just overwhelmed with how much is on his plate and is struggling to prioritize. Maybe a conversation about expectations about how much the two of you want to see each other each week and figuring out how to plan that quality time would be beneficial.
I don't think the amount you want to see him is unreasonable, but you two need to figure out a better system for the timing. Giving you a specific time doesn't seem to work, so maybe him letting you know when he's nearly done would be more helpful. Blaming you for not meeting his goals also doesn't seem fair, he's an adult and is the sole person in charge of managing his time. If he's having trouble doing so that may be something he needs to figure out himself.
I will say, you can absolutely love someone and not want to be around them 24/7. I can't get some things done when other people are around because I'd rather talk to that person than do the work. Even outside of chores I still want some time alone to decompress, and basically any introvert will tell you the same thing. If you're not feeling wanted you should absolutely ask for some reassurance, but it doesn't sound like his need for time to study is remotely a reflection on his feelings toward you.
How can you actually believe a word he says? You may not even know the real him. He's presenting himself as your perfect man. His true self is someone who probably stalked your mother and yourself for years, and orchestrated this relationship. He is telling you everything you want to hear.
Unless you walk around with your hands in the air, and are waving them like you just dont care to which even if you did…… no one really cares abour pits. Your hubby is being a tool. Wear that sleeveless dress and go on with your beautiful sel!
I was in your position about five years ago. Not Latin but Polish Catholic, very religious mother. I was going to church only to appease my mom. She goes to church every day and her life revolves around the community. It works for her and there is nothing wrong with those who do.
I know a lot of people here are saying “just say no” and shut her down when she asks which may work too, but this is what I did and now her and I have a good relationship.
I had to have a really tough conversation one day where I told her that I am very thankful for the life and teachings the church gave me as a kid and that it has given me some great values. However, I do not find myself pulled towards going to church every Sunday and although I respect those who do, it would be lovely to have the respect reciprocated back. I told her that I do not feel guilty whatsoever and that I can still be a good person without going to church every week. I told her that I found myself lying to her about a lot of things (like going to church) and that I no longer want to do that because I’d rather be honest with her even if it’s not what she wants to hear. Ask your mom if she would also prefer this. It was quite difficult for my mom but it was a necessary conversation that she ultimately accepted and now our relationship is really good. I am sure she would love it and hopes that I one day go back to church regularly but for the time being she doesn’t bug me about it.
Hope this helps!
If he isn't willing to do any reflection, change or research, you are at a dead-end.
It's possible that he's trending toward asexual by nature. New Relationship energy is one thing, but if that's the only thing fueling a sex drive, it doesn't hold up over the long term.
Get her a couple of her favorite snacks, or take her out to lunch. Something to help her relax a little since she's been studying hot for the test.
You are young and should be using your time to broaden your horizons. Come visit California. Ditch your ridiculous boyfriend. He's a tool.
Or someone was just telling you that their experience directly contradicts your opinion that you should nuke all evidence of any former partner so as not to make your current SO uncomfortable that you had a whole-ass life before meeting them– do you not know how this works?
Welcome to Reddit I guess
I think it is a deal breaker. Because that is Hella controlling. Go enjoy your life and get away from her.
You prioritized golfing with some buddies over driving your wife to the airport. Your wife is your life partner, you should prioritize that partnership over a tee time that was planned after you agreed to drive your wife to the airport.
You're ready for marriage.