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Date: October 6, 2022
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I’m speaking to his so called uncle on a daily and he thinks his behaviour is acceptable pretty much and if I just make him finish he won’t bother me that much after it’s so weird but I don’t know what to do I’ve tried to get rid of him so many times
You don't really know anything about their situation except what they've shared. They might not be able to move. They could have a health condition that requires outside care. They might not be able to get a job to be able to move out. You can't judge someone just because they on-line with their parents.
You get in your car and go home.
Why do you just keep reposting this?
I think it’s best to be honest here. Maybe just say escort for cash and see how they take it? Don’t have to disclose more than you are comfortable with. But at least they know and you know that they know. Ya know?
So first, yes you need to tell your wife. Now everyone involved knows but her, and so if/when she does find out, it will feel even worse. If you want to know if it is appropriate to continue a friendship with this woman, the answer is- only if you and your wife decide together that it is okay. I highly suspect the reason you don't want to tell your wife is because you want to continue this friendship, and that means you are placing the friendship over your marriage.
Your wife is 7 months pregnant, has a demanding career, two other children, and a husband who is dealing with a very big life changing event. You have decided she is dealing with depression when it mostly just sounds like she is dealing with life.
She recommended therapy for you, which is what anyone- with or without a degree- would suggest after revealing a sexual assault. She is not your therapist, should not be using her skillset on you, and likely knows she is not equipped at all to use her degree for your issues. That is why she suggested therapy and has not given you more “feedback” than that.
If you want emotional support from your wife, then ask for it. If you think she is depressed, talk about it. If you think she is overwhelmed, then help her.
How do you think people cheat? Do you think that people start out as cheaters, looking to cheat and taking the first chance to do it? It isn't a switch to cheat, it is usually a slow decline in to those actions. People don't get married with the decision to cheat or not cheat. It is typically a mix of things that make people cheat, and you are currently fully on the path downward to cheating. Here we go:
Opportunity is one of the biggest factors, obviously, since you need a person to cheat with. Well, you found yourself a female friend, created trust with your wife that you could be with this woman alone, and she has now indicated very clearly that she would cheat with you. You feel emotionally distanced from your wife, which is the next biggest thing. You are unhappy, and most of us have unhappy periods in relationships, so this coupled with opportunity is the deadliest combo. It isn't anyone's fault that you are in a low period, but it is what you DO during this low period that matters. Most people who are at the height of relationships don't cheat, it is in the slow or naked parts that this happens. Excusing the behavior is the next one. You are ignoring all the symptoms, and coming up with excuses not to tell your wife- she is pregnant, she is sad, she couldn't cope- but she was apparently healthy enough to be left home alone, strong enough to work and care for two children and grow a third, and emotionally strong enough for you to have wanted to have a third child with her. And you are excusing the inappropriate behavior of this other woman, and putting yourself right in the line of fire for it to happen again. Denial is the last one. You are in denial about your own feelings and actions. You lay out a great case for an unhappy marriage: you “joke” your wife loves her career more than her, she is apparently depressed, she isn't emotionally supportive of your sexual abuse. You do not mention any of the ways that you are showing up for her during her nude time, but are very careful to point out the ways she is not showing up for you. You brush off that spending time with this other woman is disrespectful to your wife, you so easily accept she just had a tough moment and is fine now, but do not have that same trust in your wife's abilities to control her own emotions, and dismiss entirely that this could happen again.
These are all the elements that lead to cheating. And then add that in your post, you spend more time discussing why you are friends with this woman and laying out your trust and friendship, then you do explaining why you love your “wonderful” wife (the only kind word she gets from you). Admit you like the attention, admit you are unhappy, admit that you contribute to that unhappiness, and if you truly want to remain married and faithful, get a therapist, show up for your wife, and work on your shared issues.
GET. OUT. This is only a taste of his controlling behavior when he feels you’re “out of line”. I had a friend that had her marriage end up a lot like this. They’d fight, he’d hide her debit card, he’d empty her account, he’d leave her stranded by siphoning her gas. It got really bad when she said she’d not rely on him further and got a job. This is abuse and it will get worse. She had kids and he had zero qualms about leaving her and his own kids stranded. He felt she was endangering them due to her actions that caused him to punish her. She cried many a time at the grocery store when her card was declined, or when someone had to bring her gas on the side of the expressway.