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❤️Tori❤️and support Kate❤️ I, ‘m new here!❤️ Let’s Spend an unforgettable time together!❤️, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 31, 2022
So this is interesting
You can bring it up in a respectful and communicate to her that you want to split things 50-50 or however you see fit
It’s sounds to me though you want her to pay more things because she decided to work while you decided to get an education
Maybe create a date budget to better allocate your date money instead of asking her for her money if that’s what u were thinking
Dating apps are sort of designed to fail. Don’t put all your eggs in that basket. It’s a trap.
Focus on in person interactions. If you don’t like drinking culture that is fine, but understand you are choosing to increase your difficulty. Focus on other campus life activities. Student organizations, athletics, student government, volunteering, politics, etc.
OMG! theres this thing called communication, talk to her!!
sounds like your love language is physical touch and hers is acts of service. she probably does a lot for people at work so when she comes home she wants you to take care of her how are you seeing this as an issue?
tell her you wanna talk and do those cute online tests/quizzes like “whats your top 3 love languages” and then when you get results talk to her about it and then she will probably start putting effort into the things you like and you’ll put effort into the things she likes instead of resenting her for asking you do do small but meaningful things without her asking. like charging her phone cause shes too tired, and getting her water cause shes too busy. communication is so so so important
They can get this block
No offense but how can we not judge you. He gave you a std, he cheated, and even knowing he’ll blame you for it, you still don’t want to break up with him?!
Advice is to go to a therapist immediately, and hopefully get yourself some self worth.
He’s not going to propose to you. He’s waiting it out. Still checking out his options. 8 years in and you’re not even engaged? And he says he doesn’t intend on proposing for another 2? He said the issues was always there, and he was waiting to see if they’d get better. They still hadn’t. He wants to be married, but not to you. You’re the placeholder till he finds the person he actually sees himself settling down with.
I know women like you, my moms friends always wanted to get married to her boyfriend of 13 years. They got engaged but then he dumped her. 5 years later, he’s happily married with 2 kids. Imagine that. She waited by that man’s side through some of his worse times and in the end she wasn’t chosen to be his wife.
I also have a coworker who was with her man for 10 years. HE TOLD HER that he WANTED to get married. But he wasn’t financially stable, wanted a house, and build his career. And these are all valid reasons to hold off on marriage. But years went by, and soon a decade had passed, they had a couple of kids, they were in a position to purchase a home (lived in a rented unit), he finished his education and they were stable. So she asked again. But he said he wasn’t ready(10 years until and you’re not ready?), they broke up, but then he proposed, they got married and they were divorced within 2 years. He said marriage was to big of a commitment (but children weren’t?) but 3 years later he proposed to his then gf of 1.5 years, bought a home, and are now having kids. My coworker is bitter about this. She wanted the big wedding, the ring, the house, a 2 parent household, but now she feels like a single mom (from what she said he does the bare minimum for his kids with her). Don’t be like my coworker, don’t be like my moms friend
If you wanna wait this out then go ahead. But I know how this usually goes. It’s either you’ll wait for years, the man will realize he’s no longer the cream of the crop, women aren’t paying attention to him anymore, so he finally settled and married his gf of 10+ years. Or after being together for a ridiculously long time, they get married and they get divorced in less than 5 years.
In my honest opinion I think if they want to marry you they’ll make sure it’s known and show you they’re making moves to make it happen. After 3-6 years, if your partner knows you want to be married and still hasn’t made major moves to make it happen you should know by now they’re not as serious.
You’re not getting that ring, the big wedding, or a marriage outta this guy.
“your BF let someone call you a bitch” “BF should have told him to fuck off”
This is all escalatory language. There's a silent “or else” behind everything you're saying the BF should have done or said. If I was going to deescalate a hostile situation between people, the LAST things I would ever say are “fuck off” or “I won't let you talk to her like that.”
Trust your gut!
Sounds to me like she never got the chance to have her party fun stage in her life and now wants to experience that, as well as got into a committed relationship she wasn’t ready to fully commit to. 20 is SOOOO young, and you grow so much between the ages of 18-25. The person I was when I was 20 is no where near the person I am now (26). I think you two should either go to couples therapy or cut your losses and just try to end things civilly.
It sounds like he admires her and thinks she’s amazing so I understand your insecurities. On one hand, I’d reassure you that if something was going to happen with those two it would have happened by now. On the other, he should be making you feel like you are admired, amazing and the only person he wants to be with. If he isn’t then there is something not right.
People work and do school all the time in their final year of school and it’s not a detriment to their degrees at all.
She said that she told him to not have sex with her even if she initiate it in the middle of the night. She said it more than once that she don’t want that when she is on drugs but he is doing it anyways.
Thankyou
Oh my lord 3 weeks without getting your end away , you know you're balls could literally drop off soon
Call 911 and let them know you have a full sack emergency
Sorry if I'm missing your point somehow but I don't understand how this modifies anything I said?
To use your examples it is not kink shaming to refuse to help Beatrice to hurt animals, and it would also not be kink shaming to refuse to let Aileen give you an erotic foot massage.
That's all I'm saying here. Too often we get OPs in here who have been accused of kink shaming simply for not consenting to participate and I think it's important to draw the line.
Well we’ve been together since I was 19 so most of my life. We were very happy until covid. During the first six months of covid he stayed with his month and came back a changed man after. He started making passive aggressive comments every possible chance (something that woman already loved doing)
Then he also started doing things like acting like an adult child for example can’t go to super market without calling me a million times, waking me up to ask if it’s acceptable for him to have coffee, doing a baby voice when he talks to me and no matter how much I beg him to use his normal voice he forgets about 45 seconds in, doesn’t send any work emails without me reviewing them first… so yes I found it to be such a big issue because to me it seems ridiculous that a grown man can’t figure out going to the barber shop on his own and I wanted to know if I’m being too harsh.
Justified and realistic fear of violence
In most cases you’re obligated to give an engagement ring back as it’s only given as a gift under the condition of marriage
HOWEVER
not this one. That was your property to begin with. It was always yours. I would literally pay for a billboard that states this.
Do yourself a favor and get outta there
Do not invite them. And don't let them crash either.
I really needed to hear this thank you. I’m definitely overthinking it, I just want to feel special and know no matter how rocky it gets he and I will both put the effort in that’s needed
threw in my face that I saw my ex at a wedding and danced with her
They do this when they need to justify doing you wrong so it quells the guilt they feel. I call B.S.
She literally suggested therapy because you asked her why she wanted to make soup at someone else’s house??????? Is there some other history going on? Thats off the damn wall.
I appreciate you! Aromantic is just like… a romantic orientation that you can have. Just because OP's handling a situation poorly doesn't mean the entire identity is just an excuse to use people for sex? What an awful thing to say!
I'm aroace myself so I don't like, date at all anymore. I do think it's important to be honest about who you are and what people can expect, and if you're not compatible, that's that. That's where OP went wrong. Not in like, identifying as aro.
Lose the 80-or-so kilo dead weight in form of a boyfriend, continue the meds. Mental health is so much more important than a few extra kilos (12 pounds is like 5 kilos, that’s really nothing).
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I gained weight. One day my husband traced his finger down the side of my body, following the new curve. He told me how much he loved that specific shape, that specific part. It gave me so much confidence.
He's since done it with other parts.
Don't tell her you find her sexier or more attractive. That will just make her feel like you didn't find the old her sexy. Just drop in compliments about how incredible certain soft bits feel. Tell her you love how soft and smooth her hips feel. Run your fingers over her stomach and breathe in that way that she knows means you like it.
If one of her family says anything about her gaining weight, butt in and say “doesn't she look amazing?!” As if you had no idea they meant it in a negative way.
I'm really glad you like her body more than ever, but its best if you don't comment on it (pro or con.) For people who have obsessive thoughts about their weight, the best thing you can do is to make them think it's completely out of your mind. I'm definitely on the obsessive end when it comes to my weight and the greatest time for me and my body was when I was with my ex who kept encouraging me to eat. Sometimes he called me skin and bones but i was like that when we met so, didn't bother me. I was afraid to gain weight and he made the prospect less scary. As far as i am concerned the only people's opinions who matter about my body are mine and my partners', so i was able to just focus on trying to like my body without external pressures. So freeing! Haven't felt so neutral about my body since we broke up so, keep in mind positive impacts are fleeting (and negative ones stay forever.)
If she brings it up, encourage her. Be like “did you gain weight? Huh. Guess I didn't notice cause I was too busy checking you out. You're as beautiful/sexy/hot as you've ever been.” If her family makes comments, privately (on the ride home) be like “i can't believe aunt Kelly said you gained weight! Why is she so critical? That's so weird that she'd comment on your body.” Support her if she comes to you about it. Lift her up if someone else tears her down, but don't make weight a frequent topic of conversation.
Yeah go be with the pedophile! Great advice
Horny people have terrible judgement and he really crossed some hot boundaries here. Sharing pictures of you is illegal in a lot of places.
You could tell him that he has broken your trust and complete honesty is the only way you see any chance to avoid divorce. Ask to see his phone and look through it to see what he's actually been up to. If he won't let you there's already your answer.
What do you think was going to happen if the man wasn’t planning on backing down? Or had a weapon on him he felt threatened enough to need to use?
When she becomes the new target, he would very obviously be forced to physically act despite him wishing to avoid getting involved.
Being ignorant of the risks is not a smart play.
I have told her a lot of times and most of the times she told me to change at least a bit (would be ok with me) but it never really happened. We barely argued and now that it's over it feels very childish for me to break up. I would like to work on it and I hope she is also open for it.
One of you is lying. Stop trying to prove it. You, her, and Jesus know the truth, just one of you is to cowardly to admit it. The Glass Onion answer here is that maybe you both cheated and caught the same sti separately.
Then he’s not that interested
People have sex with other people in relationships before yours. It’s unfortunate you saw private moments on video which were never ever intended for you. I get why you’re upset but you have to get over it or the ex bf will succeed.
My kid isn't quite 4 yet so I can't say I've successfully wrangled this yet, but I haven't given up any hobbies. Me being better than him at coloring is irritating him. Sometimes I'll color outside of the lines a little on purpose and make it seem like an accident and im definitely not trying to be Really Good when we draw together, I keep it pretty basic atm. Mostly I just keep telling him we have to practice together and I've had more practice than he has and make sure I give him a lot of positive feedback when he's doing well and remind him we all make mistakes when he's frustrated at himself.
As the not as talented kid of a very artistic mom and several quite artistic siblings, maybe in the short term the “well I'll give it up so they feel better about themselves” approach would have helped? But in the long term it would have hurt me later on, and I would have lost the guidance I got from my mom helping show me how to draw. And when I was older and attended an art studio seeing the older more advanced students and my teacher draw was really illuminating. Sure, I was jealous. But it was something to strive towards.
Similar with piano – my mom taught us all from a young age and was a pretty solid pianist herself. She didn't play often and in lessons it was always pretty basic demonstration, but I always loved hearing her play for herself on the rare occasions she did.
It's a balance with every kid and experience, though. I can't pretend to know what's right for everything, but I don't think it sounds healthy for someone to stop doing something entirely because their toddler is jealous they're better. Seems like a bad life lesson to learn in general really.
This is intentional abuse. Ditch this controlling ass.
This is literally over a division of labor? Jesus Christ. I bet she’d trade places with you in a second. What do you think postpartum looks like mentally and physically? Do you think she’s going to be flooded with hormones with a stitched vagina, and then be down to do dishes the next day? You signed up for this, and now that it’s hot, your first instinct is to bail.
Go to couples therapy, hire a housekeeper, set time aside to discuss both your emotional and physical needs. I’m not saying your needs don’t matter, but leaving your family should be your last resort, not first.
She stayed with you through your trauma, and least try everything possible to stay through hers.
That's what I was worried about. She might've started feeling like a piece of meat or a means to an end if it's just to get off and sleep every night.
I think all the people suggesting that you record it mean well, but I also don’t think they quite understand the situation.
Your parents are already denying basic facts and gaslighting you. Recording it is going to change absolutely nothing, except probably get you in trouble.
That statement/title was based on my feeling. I see her from time to time, but it never seems to come from her direction, thus giving me the feeling she doesn't want/care to see me/us.
I don't let her notice how i feel about it most of the time when i see her. Don't want to spoil the mood when she is here. But sometimes, when emotions piled up like now, i get an emotional outburst and reprouch her. My mother is the avoiding conflicts type, so if i get a bit angry towards her she shuts down. So no, it's not constructieve talking. I also find it hot to express my feelings because i feel not really heard of seen by her (but i guess there is some old pain there)
If he's so committed to you, why on earth is he seeking women out?
Maybe his ex LEFT HIM BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE CHEATING and has been painting himself THE VICTIM THIS WHOLE TIME HES BEEN WITH YOU.
Confront him. And if he acts like you are the one who is crazy, BREAK UP. Don't put up with the BS.
You are being used OP.
Therapy.
If your height is causing you major anxiety and insecurity, talk to a therapist.
It's been about 14days since I broke up. Haven't been happier for a while. Thanks for the help
WhyNotBoth.gif
Hey there WTFishappening_2020 – thanks for saying thanks! TheGratitudeBot has been reading millions of comments in the past few weeks, and you’ve just made the list!
It sounds as if you don’t want the dog. A yard will make a huge difference. A dog that size needs a lot of exercise.
his girl has done nothing wrong, she's just trying to have as much of a relationship with her dad as possible.
And reaping financial rewards from it. I don't see how OP is wrong to feel bitter about her getting more financial support than him.
It's a shame that your FIL is so busy telling you that you're wrong and that you must change or he won't see you, that he is failing to look into the future.
A future where most other family members will think he is being silly to cut his son and grandson out of his life over such a trivial issue as your choice of name. A future without his son or his grandson. A future where he will not be included in your family or your family get-togethers. A future where he ages and can never ask for help.
He's being silly. Let him be silly. Don't change anything. Let some time go by. Let him pout and grouch. He'll come around.
I confronted her after this incident. She hasn’t drank anything since and we’re going to counseling and such.
Thanks. Just to be clear, the comment about them being any empty bag of skin was from ME not him. He would never say something like that to me. His comment was just that they've changed and that I don't look the same anymore and then gently made the suggestion of wearing a bra.
Then stop fucking doing it.
You already know this is a dumb move you’re just trying to justify it for some reason
That's either a lie or a ridiculously stupid decision.
She deserves better than you.
It is for me, but some people want kids and can get through the few months of phobia.
How a person handles a no says a lot about their character.
And the fact that you even think she might sabotage your life makes me wonder why you are even dating someone you don't trust?!
Sorry, there’s a typo in your first sentence. Should be “I have to ask this child to brush his teeth.”
You’re not dating a man, you’re dating a 6 year old
Yo I can see why she's upset.
First of all you ARE condoning cheating, and solely because it's your friend. Because there is never a reason to cheat. You just tried to validate someone co.mitting adultery on someone instead of trying to fix the actual issues present. I would be furious if my husband suddenly okays cheating in anyway.
Cuz now you've just made it free reign to question your own loyalty.
Secondly, why would you want to be friends with a cheater? If she fucked over her husband who is to say she won't fuck you over in some way?
You're being an enabler.
As for lack of trust….you quite literally just confirmed any small suspicions she may have had. I highly doubt it was even mistrust that made her insist on this, it's quite honestly probably part of her character to not enable that behavior in others, and she expected you to be on her team and agree.
I find it really interesting how “trust” is the first thing you started worrying about…..does she actually not have a reason to trust you? And that's why this is suddenly incomprehensible and overdramatic of her?
You smell fishy as fuck.
Ugh. That sucks.
If she’s barking and you work from home and have to do meetings then I get it. Probably time to tell friend that doggo needs to go somewhere—either another friend or a boarding kennel as it’s impacting your ability to do your job.
I appreciate you saying all of this. I am actively trying to reflect on if she has merit when she called me cheap. I feel like I have taken her on dates at least 1-2 times per month (its tough because I work Wed – Sunday and she works M-F and has to put her son to bed at 830 every night). I am unable to recall the last time we went out and she paid for my meal. I can't recall the last time she made a date night for us. I feel like she is gaslighting me and its hot because I know she is 99% of the time very accurate in her memory while my memory is not. But when I ask her for clarification or examples she says “this is ridiculous I have already told you numerous times”. I'm just hurting badly. No deep seeded issue at hand, I just don't have a lot of money.
Please no. You deserve better. Don’t put up with this garbage.
Your wife needs some other hobbies
What she is doing is very controlling. You don't get to dictate your SO Doctors and therapist. Would it be okay for him to tell her she can't have male Gynecologist, just because he's male?
Get him to admit it via text.
I.e. “Why do you want to kill me and my family if I refuse to marry you? That's really scaring me. It's abusive and I'm scared of you now…” Etcetera
Hell of a situation . I don't think you were an escort as much as “older dude ” pimped you out . You are straight up , classic , “turned” . You were tricked and pimped out .
I think people realize now that you’re also stuck. But now the case is – you must get yourself and your daughter to a domestic abuse shelter. Call the police to escort you. Report the dog to animal control. That’s all you can do. Please help yourself and your daughter. You can do this. Many women have.
I said in another comment – DM me if you want direct help. I have experience helping friends in similar situations.
OP stops dodging the questions about his replacement family. Including “how old is your new wife” and “how much time did you spend with your son before this”
You're a deployable mother
I hear you dude. And it’s rough, I know it is, and it’s hot to see the light at the end of that tunnel now. Especially since it sounds like you were so invested in the relationship. But it sounds to me like you’re a great guy and someone else will absolutely love your kind nature.
Give yourself some time, be kind to yourself and let yourself heal at your pace. And remember that it’s normal to feel upset in this situation.
As for meeting someone else? It’ll take time to get over your gf, absolutely. But you’ll be baffled by just how many other people there are out in the world
Find a new bf
Either she really doesn't remember, or she's lying saying she doesn't remember. Unfortunately trust is questionable right now, it's time for a conversation
You can cover shit with gold and it's still shit inside even tho it looks like golden turd.
Oh, I'm sorry you're going through this. You've got to just talk to her about it. It will hurt, but just reassure her you're not leaving her alone with the baby. You don't have to be married to be parents. I do hope you continue to support her as much as you can, as she's going through so much being pregnant. But you're absolutely correct that getting married because of the baby isn't good, and that trying to force it will only make for an unhappy household for everyone (you, her, and kid). Best wishes to you and her, and I hope you all get through this okay. Proud of you for being honest with your dad and yourself. Now go be honest with her.
So if I legally own a gun, and then somebody burgles my house and steals my gun, I can be charged with arms trafficking? That's insane
Not yet, I'm nervous because I don't really know how he feels about me.
“comments… albeit innocent..” How can they be innocent if they're affecting you to the point of giving yourself some sort of eating disorder?? Also if they're on his fyp, it's because that's what the type of content he looks at. Whether he comments or likes doesn't matter. You don't need this kind of personal stress in addition to starting med school. You'll have plenty of stress that has nothing to do with someone else's preference for Your body!
I know you will probably hate hearing this but, you're young, just chalk it up to experience and move on.
The old ” it's not you, it's me” is a classic and fits multiple situations. Good luck OP.
Your gf is an alcoholic. Anyone who drinks like that even if they are in college is an alcoholic.
I had a snoop. Husband refuses to participate in her kink so she goes elsewhere.
Kinda feel sorry for the poor fool. He's made some bad decisions
I’m sorry, but a 23-year-old man kind of has little business being with a 19-year-old, even if you are both adults.
Go on the trip and tell your boyfriend a very few months that he’s just gonna have to deal with it. If he doesn’t like it, too bad; you guys can break up or not but that’s his insecurity to deal with— maybe he should’ve thought of dating someone closer to his owners age for that.
He’s a 20 year old boy. Being fickle comes with the territory and he doesn’t really have any experience with relationships to know what the right thing to do is.
He wants to break up with his gf, but he’s too much a coward to do it. He’s leading you on.
You’re not withholding sex. “Withholding” implies she has a right to or is entitled to sex, and she does not. You have chosen to not have sex, which is completely your right. You choosing not to have sex is not withholding sex from her.
Looks weird, but is correct.
I feel the disrespect from both of them but honestly I am in a relationship with him and not her. I still feel bad but he was crying alot last night over this coz he thought I am gonna break up
Kama sutra book.
So…deliberately looking for half-naked women because “internet” is an absolute bullshit excuse.
Holy fuck, you just told her that it's perfectly ok for this guy to deliberately look for these images as long as she's confident.
It's not like he just randomly stumbled onto an ad plastered in whatever ap. This dude is actively searching for images.
What complete crap.
She set a boundary. He crossed it.
The issue is whether she'll tolerate it.
I get that we should always want people to be safe and happy. Unfortunately parties are not the only place where danger can occur and we can't put them in a cage.
What I recommend is that you two talk and discuss where she is going and ask her if she wants to give you gps access to the phone in case of something horrible or if she just gets drunk and lost. I do this with a close friend. More for them to have a way to find me if I get hurt or go missing.
She doesn't have to do anything but let her know you are worried but respect her decision to go and hopefully she has fun
It's heartbreaking but it's also funny how many people are surprised when their cheater cheats again. Like what did you expect??
UpdateMe!
Hahhhh. Sure he is doll, sure he is. I wonder if his long time gf knows if they are in an “open relationship.” That's what women in their thirties dream of after all, true love, commitment, and their partner fucking co-eds.
Maybe she's just using writing as a way of letting out fluttering feelings. Try and put yourself in her shoes.
On the other hand….. Y'all are also very young and have long lives ahead, God willing, don't get too attached to anything this young.
when you clean, your wife interprets it as a passive aggressive insult. she's very aware she could have and should have cleaned the mess, and she is mad at herself for not cleaning it, so she assumes you're cleaning it because you're mad at her, so she insults you- in her mind, she's firing back.
of course, you haven't actually insulted her, and you don't actually care that you had to clean the mess, so all she's done is shit on you for being a good partner.
No? Also I didn't suggest firing the person anywhere in my post.
You can transfer the secretary to someone else, or ensure they aren't in your office alone with you, etc.
No no, I agree with you, everyone should be open and upfront about herpes and avoid sexual contact during an outbreak. I just don't understand why the location matters so much.
My ex wife did something similar. Boyfriend pays and I pay …
yah he made it pretty believable :/
He needs counseling. Watching porn hours a day isn't healthy. Getting off once a day is. And using porn to rub one out is fine. But watching it hours a day without doing anything is not healthy.
Please break this into readable paragraphs.
Man, the issue with people like her is that they crave the attention. This shit will happen again and again because they like how it makes them feel. Even if there is no physical cheating she will get herself in sketchy situations because she likes them. And she's 25, she's a big girl and she won't fundamentally change.
Peace out of that drama …
Now She's keeping me in her home so the only way to keep dating him is escape and stay in his house lol She's super conservative so i know she would be super mad and offended and will still thinking is a bad relationship (she literally said it was toxic just for the age gap) i just want her to accept it and stop thinking its toxic, i don't want things go problematic.
Kind of sounds like an excuse to not date you? Or just an excuse to stay single in general
Honey, you need a better boyfriend. One who makes you feel GOOD about yourself!!!
Um…no. If his mother doesn't want this person calling her mom, then that should be that, married or not. But I agree with the rest of it.
Work all of this out – including what to tell your ex – with your therapist.
Good. Get your affairs in order while he’s gone. Call a lawyer, make sure your kids are taken care of. Document everything. It’ll help you greatly with custody if you can show in court that he just ghosted his kids for 48 hours
Because it’s not a mistake – it was a series of choices he knowingly made every step of the way (multiple times).
He could have stopped at any time.
He CHOSE not to.
He justified each step past the line, and just pretended the line was always one step ahead of him. Now that he’s caught he trying to trick you.
He’s not sorry, he just doesn’t want consequences. He doesn’t care that he lied to you. He doesn’t care that he hurt you. He doesn’t care that it would have put you at risk. He’ll do it again because he will choose to, and maybe he’ll just be better at hiding it until he’s not.
If he’s fighting for you at all, it’s only for the convenience you bring to his life, or to just avoid the hassle that will come with you leaving and then being gone. He’s his only concern.
Psst! Fiancée. I was confused and thought the man had cheated until further down when her gender was referenced. That said, do not forgive her! Cheaters don't change for the better! She's sorry she got caught.
Fuck his wife. Problem solved
It seems crystal clear that you made the right decision.
(1) Something in your past partner made you unhappy. That is fair. You have one life to online. It's amazing that you did as much as you did to support him getting “better”, I think more people need to do that. But ultimately, the relationship did not make you happy.
(2) This person is toxic. Someone who isn't doing well has to take steps to help themselves. Anger, self hate, depression etc. Those things exist, but so do tools to take charge of them. It's not something that a partner has to deal with. A partner can support someone who helps himself.
The feeling, the doubt you have is tough, but this is clearly a right decision.
Some people are not dog people. There isn't anything wrong with that and he is allowed to feel the way he feels without being villainized. This seems to be an incompatibility in the relationship. So you have to handle it like any incompatibility. Is it big enough to end things? That is up to you.
if I have to, I’ll choose her
Seems like you have already engaged in this exercise and made a decision.
Who says that? And does the mom know that having ADHD means she can pass it on to her kids?
Yikes. Definitely hiding something. Break off the engagement