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(, っ◔◡◔)っ♥ Keyty ♥, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 30, 2022
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And how does this help him?
Look I’m a similar age to you and in a relationship where this NYE would be our first together but I’m working so we won’t be together.
It’s not a big deal. We like each other and I’m sure there will be many more.
With regards to the trips. I mean a trip to Cancún with her friends isn’t an offer that comes around often. You are young, she would be crazy to not go!
your perception is incredibly skewed
I do not care. Subs have rules. People should post within those rules.
Get on your knees and please that man. It’s the only way.
To ME, not him. Are you reading everything?
Well apparently there was 2 other situations where you did something with your gay Bestie.
And stop the whole “oh woe is me” pity pussy isn’t gonna make you feel better
OP thinks the world revolves around him.
She didn't leave coz she's over it, she never thinks about you, it legit made no difference to her whether it was you or a random cactus.
Definitely don't know how to go about this situation . Should I talk to him about it or or should I just break up with him?
Please kick him out once you’re sure your money is 100% protected. Use the time you would have stayed with him for yourself, your hobbies and close friends. Spend the money you would have spent on him on a fun trip or something nice for yourself you wouldn’t normally do. When you are ready you will meet a mature, messy guy who will not do any of this messy shit or try to online off of you. He is most likely trying to or successfully getting laid. That is why people who go to clubs every night go to clubs.
Not introducing you to friends and family after a couple of months of dating is a good hint. Not willing to move in together either.
Yep Ya gut is right.
You’ve been fine for 5 years on ya own Stay that way.
If it’s ment to be it’ll be.
Wow thank you so much for your help. But it's not critical thinking that will help. The correct put-down would have been “google it”. You need to try a bit harder. But then, it would have taken you the same amount of time to be nice and just explain what the hell you mean.
OK so I looked it up and now, I don't understand why you say “women and femmes” as if what you call a femme in English is not actually a woman?
And do you mean that butch lesbians don't operate the same? or are they included in “women”?
Just fyi, you're also sleeping on the same dick his ex wife did for many years. Just saying.
Just as an aside. I like you was an anxiety eater however I have a great and supportive wife. My approach to weight loss is to stop the focus on weight and focus on fitness more. Also don't eat late and eat small portions on small plates. Good luck.
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Dump him now. You two are not compatible. It is better if you both separate and find people whose needs match.
? you can do a lot of the emotional work on your own by reading self help books, reading articles, doing shadow work journal prompts, and following therapists/mental health professionals on social media.
Doesn't sound like her really wants help. He wants approval to rug sweep.
A puppy on sale?? You need to re-home that poor dog and never ever get a puppy again. You should be blacklisted from buying a puppy ever again. You're not home, she's incapable to even do the minimum. That poor thing!
That is very understandable though, we did talk, and he did say he cannot get back with me due to his intrusive thoughts, because his ex did the exact same, they got back together, but she made no effort, gaslighted him and cheated again before he finally left.
I want to prove him I am not like that, I WANT TO make us work. But I get it, he did go through so much pain. Thank you as well, I suppose it is just as simple, and I need to breathe. Overthinking has been always a thing with me, and I guess I tried to stop it before it got too bad by creating this post.
Yikes. He needs to get over that half-baked excuse. Not all therapists are alike. Some are shitty, some are amazing. My boyfriend went through three or four before he found a good one. Don’t go through BetterHelp though. I think you need to put your foot down on him getting therapy. He already dragged you four hours away from your support system. You had to take a lesser-paying job on top of that. If you can compromise and support his career, the least he could do is try therapy, right? He might even qualify for state-sponsored therapy where you online.
Yes but the track star had 0 points, 0 assists and 0 rebounds.
It's subjective as to what is considered best athlete.
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I need to work on my jealously and insecurities so let’s have a threesome! Great idea! /s
Maybe next time try therapy instead. Monogamy is over in this relationship.
Yep and most people consider it cheating now because the Internet is such a big part of our life so I would talk to him about it because that’s what he’s doing. It takes the intimacy out of the bedroom two turns it into a solo act with a partner, many miles away
Because the person he knows has other aspects involved. He knows them as a PERSON which makes it worse.
No, No, No!…. he's using you and you can do SO much better.
You decide whether to keep the child or not but know regardless of your decision- you will be alone!… cut off all ties, heal, find your self-worth because you are special and deserve the best and eventually you will find a true companion not this manipulative man-child.
Btw- the age difference lie is reason enough to break-up let alone all the other issues… how old is he exactly?
I would of asked them to define their perspective of what confidence looks like. It’s an ambiguous aspect or if dating to rely solely on, as I’m sure an unattractive confident man would require meeting certain standards before a chance is considered. As we all care about looks. Not saying anything is impossible, just slightly more improbable.
If I was sufficiently taking care of myself then I feel like I wouldn’t be in this situation, or at such a crossroads.
You love this man, and you're falling for the sunk cost fallacy. At the same time, there's social pressure.
My inability to make an effective decision in this scenario shows I am struggling. I am trying my best to make the right decision to look after myself, but everything feels wrong.
Ending this relationship is clearly for the best.
no way. its never your business to interfere in another relationship.
what if he turns out to be manipulative and uses this against her? what if he's a serial cheat himself? what if they don't have a very intimate connection and don't share any of their past with each other? you simply cannot know the inner workings of other people's relationships. Don't interfere.
Hon, he’s not husband material. Anyone that talks like that isn’t ready for marriage.
Do yourself a favour and date someone else.
Personally, I would never get over the accusation. Go ahead and let him get the test as he probably will do it behind your back anyway. The sticking point for me is he is so 100% sure that you cheated and he doesn’t trust you.
I would be out of there.
WTF is Jane contributing? Why can't she get a fridge or a microwave?
This is a YOU problem. You jumped into a new relationship and are already entangling finances with the new girl without untangling them with your ex. Jane sounds like she sucks here.
oh good grief that's not that bad of an age gap. You're both adults.
big time YIKES. You should leave him but I get that it's easier said than done. Hope things get better for you though.
this ex (Jess, 24f) who up until this point I didn’t know about except that they broke up before he moved here
if you want to get nit-picky, it's a bit more “omission of truth” than straight up “lie”, but “omission of truthing husband” doesn't quite have the same ring or ease to it.
Did u let the trainer's wife know about the affair ?
That's fine then. In general I think you should judge him based on the kind of person he is to you. I also had stupid ideas at some point to check girl out on her social media to have easier time talking it out. Of course unless their interests are also yours it's something that would come out eventually anyway so pretending leads nowhere. On that note, you should ask him, if there are any “fake” interests and other things you don't know that remain to this day. Assuming there still are after 2 years it's really bad.
Assuming there are not and it has been cleared out before anyway, there remains only one issue. His impulses to commit sexual assault. I unfortunately can sort imagine his thought processes that has led him to this but it's obviously dangerous and should be adressed. Assuming you decide to stay with him he needs to have this brought to some psychologist and have his “urges” treated.
Of course if you feel like leaving him that's a good idea too. It's definietely a safer one.
If he's been living with you for a year, in many jurisdictions that's considered a tenant, on a lease or not. Consider proper eviction routes as to not open yourself up for legal troubles.
Oh shoot, I missed that.
Damn…
Right. But the more invasive things were like: talking to him about changing his mind, showing things that I would like to say to him, asking him things like why he did it and all sorts of stuff that she definitely would’ve done if I said yes.
lol, probably not the best response… but I appreciate a good laugh during this shitty time, so thanks.
What are you doing OP, this is a straight up NO. He ia an addict He cheated He is wayyyy olderrrr
Exactly! She has sent done anything yet! I get asked out and hit on all the time by clients. I say “no thank you” even when it’s really uncomfortable, becuase that’s what adults do
I’ve thought about that, like I said in other comment, I give him all the money to pay for everything. I know everything we pay and the numbers add up. But I always have that weird feeling on my chest. I always have to beg him for us to go out, not to spend, but to have a nice chat outside of the house. And I always have to make sure he doesn’t buy something we can’t afford.
It’s every person with trauma’s secret fear that someone feels this way about it. It’s not beautiful, strong, character building, or interesting to have horrible things happen to you. Romanticizing trauma is hurtful and shows the person doing it has zero real world first person experience with it. If you’re going to continue this relationship, you absolutely must (at a bare minimum) read some books about what trauma is and does, and how partners can support people with past trauma.
It’s the pure fucking attitude that someone would accept all the help, attention, gifts, and thoughtfulness and love only to say they can’t be arsed to be expected to reciprocate in one small easy fucking way
It's about forming a new habit. So taking a class is something you can do, usually you can't smoke while doing it, it changes your routine so you're not feeling the “I always need to have a cigarette when I ABCD” urge. Could be any class. You just need to break your routine.
Damn! It’s always the chance to flee before the baby is made that’s always missed.
There is only one acceptable response when someone tries to get you to do something by threatening to kill themselves: “Do it, pussy.”
People can’t see that from the outside. All they see, when looking at you and her as a topic, is how much time you lavish on her.
Heck, from the outside you’re giving off an uncomfortable vibe of Nice Guy(tm). Even that much could be negatively affecting perception of you in your social groups.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling her, “Look, if you don’t want to hear my advice, I don’t want to hear your problems. I told you my opinion ten times, and you ignoring it ten times to your detriment hasn’t changed it. Telling it to you for the eleventh time isn’t going to make any difference, so stop wasting my time.”
There’s the old saying about “the definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” This sure seems to apply to her, but at a certain point, you realize it applies to you too.
I’d speak with him on seeking help regarding this issue, it may be he’s experienced it in the past before. But on the bright side you should be glad that his views on infidelity are good, meaning he doesn’t approve of it. But please get him help so that none of this negatively affects your relationship. These things may lead to paranoia and having to walk on egg shells.
This is something you should've told her immediately.
I could but I don’t want to text him, he’ll think I’m using it as an excuse to see him again
Had something similar-y. When I broke up with my ex, he had told me he was thinking of doing all the things that I’d been asking him to do more or at all- going down on me, visiting my family and coming to family events with me. This was after 6.5 years of dating. He’d gone down on me 2x, and a small handful of visits to my parents and only once to thanksgiving. I didn’t want him to do these either cuz I was leaving him, or that I’d been away for a month, (cuz of the pandemic) I wanted him to do these things without me asking for the most part. Saying you’d do x thing because they’re breaking up with you is…. Eh
No I'm genuinely just at the end of my rope. I'm sick of hearing people gossip and judge us when I dare to hold my wife's hand.
Oh yeah of course I'm not going to mention it, that's just a hopefully aspiration for the future.
I have dated women online before, and kind of in person, but have never gone on a official “date”.
So a newish friend (since you’ve just become friends over the past year) has not gotten so close that you’re going to house share next year? Yup, your relationship will probably be ending because it does seem like you’re replacing your girlfriend with Polly. This isn’t a friend who you’ve known most of your life, your girlfriend might be able to see things with Polly that you don’t. Maybe Polly is interested but you don’t see it cause you’re in love with your gf, your gf might see the signs and the fact that you’ll be spending so much time together leads to other things happening. I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve seen this happen a lot.
Yeah that’s the only dad I have.
I’m just stating facts. The land is indigenous. It was my moms land and she never let him on it whil she was alive. We inherited it from her because we are indigenous. My dad isn’t. Hence he has no rights. I’m not just making this up. It’s understood in our community and actually reinforced by the Indian Act in Canada.
Get an abortion
Can I dm I finally broke off with him
Can I please echo, it's not you, it's them. You aren't a monster, you don't have BPD, they're lunatics. Leave them alone to their insanity and find a healthy relationship, Queen!
I'm sorry? He didn't cheat?
Those messages about asking to meet up and nibbling on her tits is already heavily emotional cheating!
You want to make what work? Having a relationship with someone like that?
She has said as much in therapy… She will stay because she doesn't want to sell the house.
I'm still in this because I haven't ever had an honest relationship with this woman and I felt like it was worth trying. I was a liar and a people pleaser when we met and I can't online that way anymore.
He sounds like a dick. You don’t deserve this treatment. Tell him to go move back in with his mommy who does do much for him. What an unbelievable ass. So sorry you have to online with this shit – i would stop doing anything for him.
Right but you don’t know how many years ago it was. A couple usually means 2. So that would be 20 and 25, yes?
This idea of sink cost is nonsense. A year is actually a decent amount of time for a relationship. Just break up and move on.
This may be very risky so please don't do it unless you feel 1000% safe – he has shown himself to be a TW: rapist so please tread carefully around him, but would you feel comfortable having a “calm” conversation with him about this and taping it?
I just fear that if you try to speak out about this, he'll deny it whereas if you try to talk with him as like “can we talk about what happened?” and sound sympathetic to him, he'll admit to it and explain himself.
I taped someone in my personal circumstances and that helped me a lot, but of course it's very risky so please be careful if you do proceed down this path. I just don't want a situation where you speak up about this and people starting harassing you about “he'd never do something like that!!”
When I look at a potato growing in the ground, I don't say that's not a potato. I say it's not grown yet.
Why didn't you just send another text instead of a letter?
Sounds like he’s choosing other things over you. You might need to have a serious conversation with him about what both of you want, and if a compromise is possible or if it’s better to break it off.
That IS the red flag that your on equal footing…it means she is really immature. The kind of immature the excuses dangerous punches because they are drunk.
I wasn't defending his reasons. I think this dude is a POS for agreeing to have a child with OP until she actually had the child and then decided he didn't want it. I was just saying that OP had provided his reasons.
Well the longest rebound I’ve witnessed was 1.5 years so maybe there’s still time for that
I can’t tell you if he’s a narcissist, abusive, has anger issues, or has just been irritable lately. However, the fact that you don’t feel comfortable confronting him about these things raised a red flag. Are there signs that this would cause him to lash out? How have you both handled communication in the past? It does sound like he’s being egotistical and patronizing no doubt about it. I
also would be curious about his past relationship. The fact that he pointed out that his girlfriend would be emotional while he stayed “logical” during arguments definitely strikes me in a negative way. Often abusers can seem stone cold and straight faced during a fight while gaslighting the other to appear overly emotional and crazy.
There is a difference between wanting security with who comes into a country and an extreme political position where nobody is welcome in a country.
Do you come from a different country? Are you living in a country you were not born in? Many refugees are escaping the kind of national insecurity you complain about. I agree that it is always up to a country's politicians to make sure there is a balance between humanitarian needs and national security. A sign that says “refugees welcome” does not necessarily mean that anybody can come and do whatever they want (not following the rules/laws/customs of their host country).
So what exactly is your position? That a nation should not have humanitarian values? Not help those that are fleeing a life threatening situation in their country or not? what exactly is your position on this topic?
He doesn’t respect you, he lies, & he blame shifts his actions to frame it as your responsibility. Ofc he doesn’t want you to move out, you’re helping to keep living costs down & that’s really valuable with current economics.
He sounds immature and selfish for a man in his 40’s ffs. I hope you walk away.
as someone who has been on both sides of this, from my experience she misses the intimacy with someone but she doesn't actually like you enough to commit and stick it out.
if someone says the don't want to be with you, you have to believe despite the kiss
I agree, I've been doing what I can to change myself to not be forgetful but when I bring up something, she turns it into a fight about what I did wrong.
A relationship is not supposed to make you feel bad. And if it does, you don’t have to stay in it. You can leave. Dating is just the process of figuring out if two people are compatible — it is not a one and done situation. You do not have to stick around and date this man who belittles you and makes you uncomfortable because at some point in time you agreed to be his girlfriend. It’s ok to say no thank you, I’m no longer interested in spending time with you, and remember that you don’t need him to agree to end the relationship for you to decide that you’re done.
“Shhhhhhhhadaaaaappp!”
Nope sorry read it. She was wrong then but that was then different situation different outcome. Either he chooses to be with her or not but he can’t keep coming up with road blocks
Have you considered not being a shitty partner?
Your sis has no shame and basically using manipulation tactics to get what she wants. So ridiculous. You have every right to have that ring, it is urs, ur grandma knew it was going to be urs. And hopefully you will give to the next generation of the next women, it is a Beautiful tradition that ur sis wants to take advantage of. With a mind like hers I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets the ring, she will prob lose it or does not hand it over to the next lady. What a shame, I hope you continue to stand ur ground. Good luck
Visit isn’t till the end of the month but for sure.
I tried therapy, I had 3 different therapists. I just never feel a good connection and for the last two years it got too expensive. I try to work on it by reading a lot about it, talking a lot about it, questioning myself everytime I feel jealous, etc. But I know I am the problem for sure. I can just say that it’s an emotion, like sadness or anger. It will never dissapear completely because it’s not something you can “control”. In previous relationships I didn’t feel that much jealousy because my past boyfriends were just not the “Golden Retriever” type, this is the first time I got to deal with it actively like that.
Oddly enough this distance has helped him see that I am truly here for him, that I am not going anywhere and he actually began to trust me
Oh, I don't think this is a coincidence….
Far too many lies about something important to even consider moving in with him. Never mind that moving in after 6 months is just, well, stupid.
OP just cut off your sister while I don’t really see you talking about her sex life, you talk about her a lot and it seems like the relationships is really really bad for your mental health
Seriously where is he talking about her sex life?
So that's probably why you're overthinking this. I would take him at his word and not worry too much.
He really just sounds like he's not mature enough for you.. but to answer the question you might have to tell him just like that. It might turn into an argument because he'll probably see it as you nagging but it's the truth
A lot of OPs will post based on their POV and is often super biased towards what theyre wanting to hear. This one seems to be the case, cant just ignore it
Okay well you can leave him. You don't have to stay with him. He's never gonna change and will probably get worse.
Avoid buying a living animal as a gift.
Reality check: You should do the improve yourself thing. Build a life for that is interesting for you.
((HUGS)) Has the dress been found?
Exes aren't part of “girl code” because they've already had the experience and already know what they're getting. You don't have to “warn” someone who's already aware.
Can i edit it on here or do i have to repost it again?
She gets two identical job offers but has to take the one that’ll put distance between the two of you? Yeah, this is definitely her attempt at a soft breakup. I’d confront her and ask her point blank if this is her trying to break up.
Hate to tell ya….but heard of similar. And its still going on! I think were at 8 years hahah. Luckily it's “harmless” as in I don't see her doing anything harmful to anyone…but yes of course it's nuts.
Hopefully it stops one day lol
He's controlling and treats you like property. This is completely unacceptable behavaiour.
You have two options.
The moral option: Be patient. Wait for things to naturally progress. Once they break up be supportive and understanding. Patience is key here.
The unmoral option: Find the behaviors she hates and encourage them. If there's a specific behavior he does, laugh at it, tell him he's hilarious, make it unbearable.