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???? (´｡• ω •｡`), 22 y.o.
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Online Live Sex Chat rooms ???? (´｡• ω •｡`)
Date: March 25, 2023
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Married man and father of three here.
You should not be worrying about seducing anyone right now. You are taking care of a baby and have another one on the way? Yeah, no. Your man should be all about you right now. If he’s pulling away that’s a him problem, not a you problem.
I hate the pile on, but the age gap is concerning. The fact that you think your value is in your ability to seduce him reinforces that concern. You guys need to be a team, even when you are pregnant and feeling cranky and frumpy. Especially then, actually.
You just keep working on that baby. Your BF is a grown man. He can take care of himself for a few more months.
Let's also reminisce on the fact that in the late teen years that isn't is common and even expected for there to be significant beef with parents and other relatives.
I'm screenshotting this to read in the future when my mom has a meltdown.
It’s mostly in regard to communication between us. I express how things he says are hurtful or interpreted as him not caring about my emotions. His response is often “that’s not true”. I say things such as that is how your actions make me feel, to which he often doesn’t even respond. As I continue to talk and explain my perspective he only comments on the portions he interprets as hurtful such as “your a drag to be around right now” rather than all the thoughts prior. I often have to re-explain the core issue I have to no avail of confirmation of my emotions. I then feel so frustrated and start to yell, he’s always responsive in those moments as to how I need to calm down and it’s not that deep. I feel like he waits for me to loose it to cop out of the issue at hand. I can’t tell if I’m over analyzing this and I’m the issue.
This is disgusting. You’re trying to understand and people here and your son are punishing you. This is brainwashed craziness that I can’t even wrap my brain around. I’m so sorry you are going through this alienation; I truly hope you are able to find peace with your family. It sounds like you’re trying
I don’t know how too. I’m too weak to assert any form of independence against her. I don’t know how to. I’m sorry I’m not trying to say this against you but I just want to articulate how I feel about it. everyone who I talk to about this tells me I need to put my foot down and say enough is enough and take some space. But I don’t know how to because I don’t have the capacity to in my current state
If he can’t check his pockets and you don’t feel like it just don’t do his laundry. Let it pile up. And he can empty his pockets as he u dresses if he wants you to resume washing. He doesn’t HAVE to empty. You don’t HAVE to wash.
It's a matter of opinion/personal preference. Stop doing his laundry if he can't do this courtesy, and it means that much to you.
I don't think I'm gonna get out of this alive and well unless we get back together, and the chances of that go down everyday. I don't want to on-line anymore.
I want to, but honestly I’m scared. :/ I have no one outside of this relationship. No family, no friends, only his family, him, and my coworkers.
Shoot your shot.
Don’t worry, I wouldn’t want you to.
Like you're doing right now?
If you have proof, but aren't leaving, you're just accepting it again.
He wants to hint that you were also unfaithful in the divorce. A map could give him ideas about new boyfriends, other exes, etc. Take photos, write down dates/times, and then destroy it. (A hammer works pretty well, especially on a cement floor or sidewalk). DON’T put it on a city bus or another car, it’s potentially illegal.
He’s been off for about 6 months give it take now. I was thinking that we might need to talk to a sex therapist but I guess I was hoping we wouldn’t have to get to that
You don't, just leave him.
I agree with this. I would do what the previous comment says and then do not engage in any other attempts he makes and report them if he does.
Consult with a lawyer and see if you have grounds for an annullment. You have five years to do so, and if you were pressured into marriage or your spouse misrepresented himself, you may have a good case. I wouldn't spend a single second trying to save this, I'd suggest putting all your effort into ending it asap.
Simple solution: stop talking to her because she’s your ex.
So it sounds like you on-line with mom, correct? Can you go somewhere else, like your boyfriend’s home, when your dad pulls stunts like this? I don’t see why you should be putting up with his behavior.
Could you have asked him to leave when his friends arrived? That is not his home – but it is yours. It’s weird for him to not want to be alone with HIS friends. Have you discussed any of this with him?? Frankly, your father sounds super immature – he uses his kids as an emotional buffer ffs. You need to stop allowing him to do that to you. If he drives you somewhere you don’t want to be – tell him so. Get someone to pick you up, or Uber home. You need to figure out your boundaries and stick to them.
This is a complete mess and you should just leave. Not only are you enabling her cheating on her BF, you are also in love with her yourself, and you'll no doubt end up getting burnt once again. She clearly doesn't see loyalty in a relationship as something important and is just hurting everyone she touches.
This is a complete mess and you should just leave. Not only are you enabling her cheating on her BF, you are also in love with her yourself, and you'll no doubt end up getting burnt once again. She clearly doesn't see loyalty in a relationship as something important and is just hurting everyone she touches.
She is 26 yet so unable to handle her liquor that punches you in the back of the head? Man run, those hits can kill.
never mentioned you being a rapist but it’s telling that that’s your first thought
If you dont convert to islam they will never accept you so dont waste your time with her
Sex is an activity that requires immense trust and vulnerability. Despite what many people say, it is (to varying degrees) a bonding activity that creates a connection between you and your partner. In a very intimate way, you are getting to know/becoming closer with the person you have sex with.
This guy who you abused cares about you. He likes you. Despite everything you’ve done to him, you’ve cultivated a bond that makes it easier for him to forgive you and look past the horrible things you’ve done to him.
Asking Reddit why he could possibly go back to hooking up with you after all that you’ve done to emotionally manipulate him into feeling connected to you is pathetic and absurd. Take a moment to seriously ground yourself and put yourself in his shoes. What you choose to do has an impact on people in both positive and negative ways.
Stop toying with people’s emotions through sex and acting dumb about why they keep coming back. You are being emotionally manipulative.
I understand what you're saying, and I appreciate your perspective. However, I feel like my situation is a bit more complicated than just finding someone who treats me with respect. I have somewhat of a history with this person, and I've developed feelings for her over time. Additionally, I struggle with self-esteem (because im dealing with hairloss, but im the right path since the meds are doing their work) and I also have a weird personality, i dont know how to explain it, by that I have a nude time finding girls who are interested in me. While I know it's not healthy to try to change someone, I still feel like I want to explore this possibility and see if we can make things work. Of course, I'll keep your advice in mind and make sure to prioritize my own well-being in any decisions I make.
I have told me plenty of times he can have her, I do not like drama in my life.but he continuously tells me he wants me and not her.whole thing feels so childish
You’re a good guy to pick her up. I’m sorry she still comes to you after she hurt you. You obviously deserve better. If she has family or other friends who would help her, maybe next time call them to help her? You are allowed to break up, and she needs to respect your boundaries, drunk or not. Best of luck man!
That's right. The best I can do really is to be there for her and have her best interests in mind regardless
I mean, it is not “that hard” to push it in, but it is a bit of effort. When I do it I really want it, use a lot of lube and still need to make a point of relaxing and slightly push back for it to happen. This might not be a general thing, I don't know, but I can only imagine the pain when it's rammed on like that and I can't grasp it being accidental, especially not twice.
you give him a therapy ultimatum. He has to get therapy for his toxic dad relationship.
Because you're making choices out of fear instead of love. Choose to love yourself the way he should be instead and punch fear in the face. You're bonded to the ups and downs. You're terrified of being alone, but I promise alone is better than with someone who ignores, makes you feel lonely, and cheats on you because he can.
That's the thing your bf doesn't realize. People react to things differently which is why one should not do it at all. It is in fact unprofessional and creepy. You are already proof that you'd be uncomfortable.
Imagine if it was his mother, sister or daughter he might sing a different tune. If it were you he might actually blame you.
Also it's very gross he was trying to be this way with a coworker when he already has a gf. Because he asked if he was more dirty minded than the average right? Like, why are you doing that. If it's not sexual then I'd call it bullying. Really gross at any angle.
Tell her to stop telling everyone your personal financial situation and stop disrespecting you in front of your friends/acquaintances
Both of you can check the fucking pockets, holy shit and people wonder why the divorce rate is so high because couples fight over the dumbest shit.
That would hurt for sure
Incompatible is for when neither person has done anything wrong. Ex. mismatched sex drives, wanting and not wanting kids, future goals don’t align…
they’re not “incompatible”. She is a shitty person and a bully who demeans him.
Yep. This is the same excuse my bf gave me when he was cheating. It was always bc he was “too tired”
When she unblocks you you say this, “I no longer choose to date someone who acts like a spoiled, entitled brat who behaves like a toddler in time out when she doesn’t get what she wants and makes insanely ridiculous demands. That isn’t what a relationship is. It’s not using someone for stupid material items. Your priorities are totally screwed up and so are your ethics in how you treat people. Good luck with life.” Make sure it’s sent so she has. And then YOU block her.
Try, “I'm not a big texter but I'm looking forward to Friday!”
If she texts, reply. Don't be rude.
Oh give me a break. I’m allowed to ask
Ifs been 9 months and they on-line together…
Absolutely not. It’s up to each couple. I’ve been married 25 years and it’s never come up.
Username checks out…
No 🙁 I have no evidence to prove it
You definitely need to have a talk next time you see him.
Tell to her give up this guy or you’re done
This sub has some bias…
You would prefer she learned that lesson from some drunk?
I’m right and I’m so determined to prove it I’ll physically assault you to prove it.
You suck OP. I hope she gets away from you asap.
Yes, you should absolutely break up with her, and then never date a cheater.
And get some money aside.
If you haven't already: monday first thing open an account for yourself and put some money in it.
What a real weirdo! Moving you completely out of your support net at 8 months pregnant and then leaving.
Your life, your decision. It's about you not them.
we only got back together because she told me she was sorry and was willing to accept my hobbies
Then why are you still together now? She's obviously not willing to accept your hobbies. So on top of being disrespectful and rude to you constantly, and dismissive of everything you enjoy, she's a liar.
What on earth are you still doing with her?
I'm gonna give you a tip, since I've read some of your comments. It's never going to make sense. You're not the sort of person that would ever treat another that way, so waiting around to try and make it make sense, or pretend it's not a problem, is only going to make it worse over time.
So stop waiting for it to make sense, and realise that even if it did, it still would be abhorrent behaviour, and unfair to you. And take back a bit of control, and leave her for good.
God God this dude sucks on so many levels. Get far away from this asshat and never look back.
Man up – she is your ‘ex’. She gets zero say in how you spend your time.
Does she have any of her own hobbies or friends? Or are you the only source of entertainment for her? If you are still making time to spend with her and visit her family (meanwhile it sounds like she puts no effort in to prioritize yours) then she is just being unreasonable and controlling.
Alright!
If you stay with her, you’re just inviting stress and heartache into your life.
You should sell the house, split the money and move back to that other city where you had good habits and were happy. I guarantee there’s a woman there who will add value to your life, because this girl sure as hell won’t.
She’s cheated on two guys and loves attention from other guys.
Considering what you describe fills you with dread, yes, you should end it. Just my opinion though. I remember being your age and know the type you’re describing. If you were confident and treated the relationship casually, I would tell you to have fun. But that’s not the impression I get from you. Not a knock on you, just trying to give you a heads up.
What’s your point? Does that make is actions okay somehow? GTFO
He's ridiculous. Not sure what you want advice on. If he prefers lighter eyes that is his preference. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you.
Anyone who tells me what to do with my life can head out the fucking door.
Sometimes, an accusation is a confession.
Yep, OP has a very cliche, very classic abuser on her hands. She's in the cycle, and he's just going to get worse until he gets violent.
All these kinks… I don’t want to go there… If it was my ex I’d be like ok, maybe you should get a mistress. Or ok, maybe you should just get a mail order bride. Or ok, maybe let’s just break up, I wouldn’t put up with it even if you paid me…
Everyone here has pointed out the projection, so I'll point this out as well: Bella Ramsey is 19 years old. She plays younger roles, but she's close to your age, far closer than your SO, which I suspect is another reason why she's flipping the hell out trying to make you feel badly.
You need to get out of this relationship, OP.
Yeah this situation is pretty much the entirely in the free use area, except for her saying no before. That is more like cnc.
Ask him why he's even dating you, then break up with him because you deserve to be with someone who lives every part of you.
I’m all for friendships beyond our own genders. And it sounds like you are mature and supportive in general.
But this definitely seems sketch. Already being flirty, and hanging out WITHOUT you routinely? Assuming you weren’t even invited on this overnight trip they’re planning, that’s honestly really disrespectful of your gf. She already knows you’re getting weird vibes off this guy and she doesn’t care.
Nexxxxt.
Bf or bf’s dad needs to go
Please don't marry someone who can't stop cheating on you.
I'm curious whether your opinion would be different if they WERE married? Like if they'd been together the same 3.5 years, but had gone down to the courthouse a year ago – your wording seems to suggest that then you would suggest he stay with her for now?
It's interesting to me how many folks think “marriage is just a piece of paper, it doesn't prove how much I love someone” and how many others think that “well if you're not married you're not really committed to her or anything”
Hold on right there, I get what you are trying to say but I want to defend myself.
First – It's not about being good at sex, the worries I had at the beginning about the fact that she never had a boyfriend where that it would be nude to communicate or that she maybe has unrealistic expectations about relationships, it was not a dealbreaker for me and the doubt's about that are gone.
Second – The fact that I don't believe her about the depressed thing can be my own problem with trusting people in general, thats right and I have to work on that. It was an emotional reaction to feeling rejected and I know this, but I didn't blame her for that, I told her that I was understanding. I was more worried about the fact that she distanced herself the days after that.
Sounds like she's the pedophile. I'd seriously reconsider your relationship for a whole bunch of reasons.
Not your problem OP. The man is trash please let him go
There isn’t enough evidence yet to say if she is or isn’t. I would wait to see how she acts when she comes home.
You need to look into why you’re feeling like this. Is it jealousy or something doesn’t add up regarding him according to you? Is it his actions/jokes or really nothing? Does it affect how you interact with him/your friends?
Personally I know that every time I disliked someone from the get go, I was usually right to dislike them (I was never rude to them, but if I got an iffy feeling about someone, eventually turn out to be right. Either narcissistic, abusive or compulsive liars).
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit. I don’t know how more clear I can be. He’s showing you right now that he’s selfish, self involved, and his feelings and desires will always come before yours, even if it hurts you.
Thank him for showing you what an awful person he is before you got more serious and choose the dog, babe.
You don't have to settle, at all. But you should also prepare yourself for the possibility that you won't find someone, too
You don't have to settle, at all. But you should also prepare yourself for the possibility that you won't find someone, too
Let me tell you this as the 19 year old who was in your place: He’ll tell you what he needs to get you back. He’ll love bomb you (as he did), saying all the right things and doing all the right things. And then sloooooowly, carefully, he’ll start again. And this time he’ll be sneakier. Maybe even go for your self-esteem so you feel uncomfortable dressing the way you do.
He has already shown you what path he’s on, one where he’s possessive and jealous, and will make you feel bad about yourself, even threaten you with ultimatums, try to break you with breaking up and blocking when you don’t bend to his will, only to come crawling back. That’s who he is right now. Maybe one day maaaaaaaaaany years from now he’ll grow up, maybe he won’t. Do you really want to be around during the time he’ll be who he is right now, hoping that one day far in the future he might be a person you can be happy with?
This could have been a reality check for him, who knows. If you choose to stay with him to find out, keep your eyes wide and be prepared to be disappointed. Therapy is a good idea, and noting down any and every time your bf says or does something that rubs you the wrong way, no matter how tiny, even just an off comment or tone, even a “joke”, is a good idea so you don’t forget.
But really, you’re 19. Your life is ahead of you, and you will forever regret not letting yourself be who you are and dress how you want if you let someone else, or yourself, curb you. You should be with someone who makes you happy and excited, someone who builds you up, not someone who will make you second-guess wearing that dress you love.
I know… none of this started till I got pregnant and it’s like everything did a 180
Change your passcode dude. She got way to comfortable with your money.
Everything you do could potentially mess up your kid. Just try to do what’s best for you and your child. There’s no guarantee on what may or may not mess up your child.
Low maintenance, because you said you don't want to wait hours for a response, people are busy you know. Also, you didn't say spoil every once in a while. Doing something for birthdays and holidays isn't spoiling, it's just taking care of your partner. You didn't say adored, you said BEYOND adored.
Now I'm projecting because YOU said you wanted a man that earns a decent amount and spoils you. That means that I've had women use me as an ATM??
Good day, ma'am.
Those emotional rollercoasters get you HOOKED girl, just know that those lows are going to keep coming and get lower and the highs will never be as high again
Your approach to the relationship can be incompatible with his autism, AND he can be acting like an abusive asshole with no excuse. Those two things can be true at the same time. No matter how much you push his buttons, he shouldn’t call you these sorts of disrespectful names.
Your boyfriend should look into the Pathological Demand Avoidance profile of autism. Although its validity is debated, the coping skills suggested for PDA can and do really help people who identify with the traits in the profile.
Lastly, in my experience, it is so much better to be single than verbally abused on the regular.
How have you been toxic?
How long have you been together?
Over a year
Does she on-line with her parents?
No she lives with me
Does she have a job?
Yes
Is she from a wealthy family?
No
If she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, has she explained why she didn’t pay for the drinks herself or why any of her friends paid drinks?
No it just happened last night quickly and she is still in ignoring mode
Yikes! I'd break up with her, and in a public place too, or at least in front of witnesses. A person who lies like that might make up other lies. Suppose she claims that you did something to her.
Obviously you did care, to the point where you kept telling her she didn’t have anything that without you. And kept doing it till you destroyed her over it. This wasn’t one and done, it wasn’t until you realized that she doesn’t need you that you care. Oh and the whole “I want a nice car too but don’t have one” that you throw in the post says she needs to get out, you’re still being a douche.
Thanks, this is one of the more thoughtful and realistic answers I’ve gotten
I wouldn't say you sabotaged anything.
You told him before he went and he went anyway.
Tell him you would rather be with someone that wants only you and the thought of you being with another man makes them sick to thier stomach.
Tell Jim he made his choice and now you are making yours, you want a divorce, he wants to sleep around he can now do it as a single man.
You deserve better
He's a good dude, he just rapes sometimes. What misunderstanding? She said clearly she is too drunk to have sex. There's no misunderstanding or miscommunication. Unconscious person can't consent. She definitely should move on by dumping this rapist ass.
If she truly feels like this, I am glad she was able to leave as well. It would break my heart for her to be with me if it made her miserable. I just want what is best for both her and our children. Thanks for your response.
Well No.
You oay for your school and stuff, and you make him pay for his, if he don't have the savings then that us his issue.
It's not uncommon to have your partner with you for support when coming out to your parents.
Ohhhhh helllll no. Proud of you OP for sticking up for your SIL. Your husband seems to think this is gonna go away.. NOPE. This is a dealbreaker. At least for me. Especially with children. Absolutely fucking not. You will not be around my children with your ignorance, bigotry and hatred. Your husband can’t just shrug his shoulders. I’d be seething if I were you. That comment about “it’s different when it’s your own blood” no, no it’s not. Makes me wonder what they were saying about your brother when you’re not around.
He didn't delete them, he unsent them. Which I am not an apple user but I assume this means the recipient couldn't read them either.
Yeah, sounds like good advice and I know cutting off ties is best but we really wanted to try and have a stable friendship (which we did have) but you’re right. I just don’t like that she’s hurt because when we broke up it was good terms and I guess I was hoping it would stay that way.
You've needed new brakes since December???
You're inferring most of this. OP never says anything other than he takes care of most of the financial responsibility (and that isnt enough so they have a 3rd roommate). The rest you've completely made up. And everyone says I'm projecting.
She never says he cant cook or clean. You're just guessing. Though I'm so busy arguing with people downvoting me, idk if shes added any new comments. I'm only basing my comments based on that one, very limited look at his life in the original post.
I don't think you would. It's not healthy to rely on your children like this, or really anyone for that matter. She can't be his only friend, his only support, especially since his 'support' comes with strings attached:
if I dont want to talk to him or hang out with him for say more than a day he gets very sad and offended
he never wants me to on-line out of the state or go into a profession that he doesnt approve of. He gets very upset and goes into rages at times if I mention not wanting to get married/have kids by the time Im 30 and at very little things too
I feel like I am always having to be the peacekeeper, calming him down and keeping him happy
This isn't healthy. This isn't caring. It sounds like he has no interest in truly caring or spending time with her. Why are you bending over backwards to make OP the bad guy?
Then you likely already know you're heading for a break up. He's free to choose his life's path, and so are you. If you don't want the same path, you make your own.
How on earth does someone get to a point in their life where any of this sounds remotely sane? You must have endured too much, and think you don’t deserve a healthy relationship.
No we slept with each other a few times!
You held off for 2.5 years already. You recognize that your wife is sexually traumatized. In the same way that you originally recognized that the marriage wouldn't change much in your relationship morally, it was your mistake to expect the marriage to magically change your traumatized wife from a naive virgin into a voracious man eater.
Speaking as a former Christian turned atheist, it takes years, maybe even a decade to complete deprogram yourself. And I was given every reason to deprogram myself, and if I intended to stay alive in this world, I needed to walk the razors edge of morally justified existence from being one of the good guys, to becoming one of the good guys. I recognize that at many points I could have died, or, lost faith in my desire to be alive. I don't recommend you put your wife in a position to question her morality as nude as I have, but, conversely, you can't expect her to change as quickly as I did. And even I took many very hot years to fully and truly change.
This is going to take a lot of time, maybe several years. Sexual trauma is not easy to deal with, especially within a religious framework.
It's going to take a lot more than what reddit can offer. You should seek professional advice. Even I have a psychiatrist.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
This isn't a diary entry. What are you asking? You should break up with her and go live your life. You are cheating and you are a shit person for doing it. Don't be a coward and break up with her
I keep coming back to that “I’ll show the lawyer how MEAN she is that she won’t FORGIVE me!” and marveling at the audacity.
When I practiced family law, I worked on parental termination appeals. Some of the most tone deaf and delusional human beings on the planet. OP is right up there with them. My only hope is that the judge will also see right through her.
he cheats and lies. you’d be foolish to stay. love yourself.
At first I thought you meant Stardew Valley was a childish game and I was ready to fight you lol
I am so sorry you are hurting. You sound like you've had a really nude life. Getting help was the right thing to do and now you need more help.
Unfortunately, she can't fix you and it is very hot and probably destroying her life now as well.
Life isn't fair, there is no such thing as fair. It sucks, I know.
All you can do is reach out to any family you have left and ask for their help. Reconnect with a counselor and start talking as much as you need to. It may not feel like it but with time this gets easier.
At some point you need to take control of your life and take actions like going back to school or even taking a class at a community college. One small step at a time until you can walk again and then run again.
There’s a subtle difference when you say “you’re being a bitch” and “you’re acting like a bitch”. So I’d have a problem with what he said.
But if you can’t talk to your spouse like an actual human and have to result to derogatory language… that’s a problem.
1 . Don't talk about past relationships. It just opens the door for comparing yourself to the past ones:
When we were getting to know each other he told me about how in the past he really liked this girl (never dated)
He went out of his way to get her something of that Disney theme simply because he liked her and wanted to show her.
So why wouldn’t the same through process be applied here?
2 . I don't think its absurdly insulting to ask your partner what they would like for their birthday. After 4 years together with my fiancé, we still inquire about bday / x-mas gifts. And if she told me “I want you to surprise me!”, I would have no issue coming up with a gift that was personal for her.
3 . But this bit right here, is the biggest concern of your post (for me):
I want to add that he proceeded to say “don’t get mad if I don’t get you anything because you said “I don’t want anything”.
I think that is a pretty insulting POV for him to take… If you said “I don't want anything” he should at minimum be taking you out and treating you to a lavish date night.
So, if your Bday comes and goes and he sticks to these guns:
You said you didn't want anything, so I didn't get you anything.
I think that speaks volumes on how invested he really is in this relationship… Especially when you're almost a year of dating and most people would want to go out of their way to make their girl feel special.
Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. I'm also sad to say that the first meeting didn't go much better. Hopefully my eye can heal quick and I can get a second chance at a first impression before the week is over.
I just wanted someone to tell me what's right. I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone, reading your responses has helped me feel better and know what decisions I should make. I am going to be a better husband.
Stop having sex with him.
He doesnt respect you and frankly, im afraid hell decide what he wants matters more and will stop attempting to rape you via coercion and will rape you with force. Dump him
“It’s not my fault. It’s the alcohol that’s to blame.”
Classic alcoholic logic.
I mean you’re right, he’s likely just an arsehole but ya know.
You don't even know my first name and you assume I don't love my boyfriend. Just because I accidentally do stuff to him when I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't care for him
Your partner is abusive. And after she escalated to physical abuse, she blamed you. Is that an environment you want your daughter to grow up in?
So I'm a big believer that every one is 100% responsible for their own behavior. This doesn't mean there's never an interaction that triggers a response, it just means that ultimately you are in charge of you and your own decisions.
So I'm pretty sensitive to people laying things at my feet, especially if I've already admitted that I could have handled something better.
Was the surprise with your daughter the best way of handling it? With 20/20 hindsight obviously not. The whole plan of canceling day care without running it by your partner… its never great to announce big lifestyle changes on people… people like to feel heard on decisions.
And you acknowledged these mistakes. So for her to act like throwing a lamp (legally battery) is some how forgiven is, to use a technical term, bullshit. If the roles were reversed and you threw a lamp at her while she was lying in bed people would be calling the cops.
So her not owning her mistakes is a major red flag. Quite frankly she should be in therapy.
I just want a real apology. Has anyone else experienced this, and what are the ways I can get her to admit she’s wrong?
I mean this is a tough call. This will be triggering for other commenters but I have not had great luck getting women to admit their mistakes. Now to be clear, I've only dated women and as such there's inherent bias in my sampling, but it is what is.
The trick is she really needs to acknowledge that it was a mistake and she seems perfectly content to lay it entirely at your feet. If you really want to play hardball you could talk about taking your daughter to stay elsewhere until she's willing to get therapy this would probably require filing charges with the police but realistically the family law structure in the West would almost certainly side with the woman so even with that approach you can't really force accountability on a woman who refuses to accept it. That's just the sexism that exists in family law currently.
Otherwise I'd recommend standing your ground to the extent you can. Family law makes it nude to protect yourself and your daughter in cases like this.
Meh, it happens. I mean, you and your wife like each other, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that your respective siblings would like each other too.
No biggie, to me.
So how long have u been there?
But it will make OP become as ugly as she feels!
In her eyes. She is jealous. And instead of getting slimmer he wants to make him fatter.
He doesn’t love you very much. I didn’t even finished reading, come on now! Leave him, love yourself, you deserve better
Some men use that as an excuse to go down on you. Then they want you to suck their junk
Lol tell me you’re a minor without telling me you’re a minor
i just feel like he wouldnt respect me as much, if i did reach out and we got together again. idk.
But, you don’t really think you are.
You don’t want insight, you want validation.
Problem is, you’re only gonna get that from other dudes who want to do the same thing you do, and not a single one of them is going to help you keep your girlfriend. They will, however, tell you she’s an unreasonable bitch when she dumps you, and I’m sure that’s practically the same as having a girlfriend, right???
You’re right, I don’t know why I kept on thinking of something bad will happen etc. But your words makes a lot of sense, I might have this weird psychological thing that keeps me terrified at even not looking at her snap stories because I don’t know why it’s just really weird
I know. I have a feeling her love language is actually money.
It’s crazy how smart little ones are.
Neither of you work? You need a job and you need to get your daughter out of that house. Your partner isn't acting like a mother or a partner. She might wake up some day but it doesn't sound like that will be anytime soon.
If you get ignored from nearly all women throughout life and then there is one women showing interest in you, asking questions, smiling and being enthusiastic, some men would obviously think that this women is maybe interested in them.
At the minimum it’s an emotional affair there is an attachment there between both of them. And because she’s coming out with him away from the office, it could be physical too. You need to decide what you wanna do. Do you wanna stay with her find out if she’s cheating, this isn’t right might wanna talk to HR or talk to his wife but this is definitely an emotional fair if she keeps meeting up with him over all this time and lying to you about it have you checked your phone?
Dead bed room is a symptom, not the problem. I vote break up because I don't think you've been in it for awhile now anyway.
It seems like he understands that what he's doing is wrong and that you're suffering but he hasn't faced any consequences for it. So if he doesn't face any consequences it looks like he isn't going to change his behaviour. Maybe you need to go to therapy together so he can understand the seriousness of this issue more fully? And if he still doesn't change, you will either need to give up and get a cleaner or leave him.
Yeah, she knows. We’ve discussed it in length multiple times and generally have a good line of communication. I’ve flat out told her that when I’m triggered I freeze up and forget things and struggle to form sentences. And she claims she just can’t control her outbursts and she’s doing the best she can.
Side note I missed work for four days once because she triggered an anxiety attack that made me dry heave. Which makes me think she genuinely can’t change without more help (she’s gonna set up a psychiatrist appt now that she has a referral (U.S. healthcare)) but like. She sees me at my most triggered and still does this and idk…
Yeah, she knows. We’ve discussed it in length multiple times and generally have a good line of communication. I’ve flat out told her that when I’m triggered I freeze up and forget things and struggle to form sentences. And she claims she just can’t control her outbursts and she’s doing the best she can.
Side note I missed work for four days once because she triggered an anxiety attack that made me dry heave. Which makes me think she genuinely can’t change without more help (she’s gonna set up a psychiatrist appt now that she has a referral (U.S. healthcare)) but like. She sees me at my most triggered and still does this and idk…
Girl, run. You know in your guts you should listen to yourself. Please please run. Have the courage to run and on-line your life. I give you permission, if that’s what you need to hear, to fully live your life. He’s not it.
Pretty much.. yeah what they said!
OP this man only cares about his own sexual pleasure and gratification.
He makes you feel horrible about having needs of your own but expects u to bow down…literally..for his.
What are u getting out of this relationship except lack luster sex and belittling?
Is he really that great of a partner otherwise that you are gonna put up with being used as a human fleshlight longer?
leave the dude!!!
Also what was the girl doing in such a hurry that she forgets her ID of all things? I can think of a few things in this specific situation and none of it seems like something you want. Its not a red flag at this point but a whole damn parade. Also. If you have pictures together. You, her and the baby. Make sure you post those on all her posts.
Sometimes I wish to meet up with her/them and talk about this, but I know it would bring lots of pain back in my life and I don't think I am ready for that at this time. Maybe in a couple of years.
No I was asking if they’ve managed to pick well AFTER an abusive relationship. I don’t know why people are misinterpreting that.
You need to be able to function without your partner. Being this reliant on your partner isn't healthy. He has other responsibilities in life and he can't be at your beck and call whenever you feel like it.
Spend time with friends, keep yourself busy with hobbies.
THIS……mature people in a relationship treat each with respect and compassion. You are not doing either. She doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. And you don’t deserve her.
She’s lying to you AND him. She’s telling him she doesn’t talk to you anymore, she’s telling you that she was “drunk” and he came onto her and it was a mistake. She’s playing you both. She deserves to be alone and she definitely does not deserve your friendship.
If I was stay at home I would agree, but like I said I also have my own job and study. The reason he’s offered to pay the bills is because when he comes home from stints he doesn’t want to have to do that. I still pay for our groceries, cleaners, and other things. In this situation I feel like I’m asking to be understood?
I’m not sure what else you can do. You apologized, you admitted it was stupid and why you did it, the only thing left is to ask how you can help assure her. Other than that, she’s going to feel the way she’s going to feel about it. Hopefully she will communicate with you about it, but after you ask how you can help, there isn’t much more to do.
Wait, so she is wearing this toy everywhere, so like it’s vibrating panties, or a remote control toy?
If yes, then ask to see her phone – the apps those toys keep track of WHO is controlling it – local or remote, and sorry but if remote she’s cheating on you
I’m sending you a hug and crying with you anon. I can’t tell you the sleepless nights I’ve had. Sammy made me a better person and taught me how to love life and enjoy the little things. I guess I use dating loosely, I just want to find a friend or a companion at this point because I’m not sure I can ever love someone the same after this.
Why are you even, for one second, considering taking him back?
No. Nope. Nyet. Never. Adios.
Why are you in a relationship with this person? He's projecting, his behaviour won't improve. Just leave.
Yikes! If you're in the States, I assume you did a search on your states licensing site? Maybe his legal first name isn't the one he uses?
Call the hospital where he works and ask for Dr. WhateverHisNameIs or ask for anesthesiology, and then ask for him? If he's not working, you know he won't answer, and they'll either tell you he's not in or they don't know that name. I think he'd pop up on the hospital website, so it's weird that he's not. I'd be uncomfortable too! Good luck! Keep us posted?
It sounds like she gets to sleep in the bed too! She might even get to run her own bath with fresh water and everything. /s
Please run girl. Please
I doubt this even has anything to do with you personally. It sounds like this a weird manipulative thing this guy does to try and get the upper hand, or he gets off on being cruel to women. Or maybe he was covering up the fact that he couldn’t get it up. Who knows?
Whatever his deal was, this isn’t normal behavior. He’s probably done this to many women. It wasn’t you.
She’s right. Do you just erase the life you’ve had when you start dating someone new? That’s not healthy.
Reading this gave me the 'ick' so strongly, I don't even know how you're still married to this asshat.
Good catch. If she doesn't get a job he's on the hook to support her and her boyfriend for ages.
Plan ahead of time OP. Think about custody.
Get evidence. She needs to record him when he has been drinking otherwise he could just deny it. Many women refuse to believe their partner is capable of this behavior.
What does he have to lose? I’m not gonna show up at his house I’m not an angry teenager lol
Absolutely fuckin nailed it right here… Except the daddy thing thats just weird and uncomfortable it happened to me once i pulled out went soft and broke up with her on the spot its funny to joke about but totally ruins shit and believe you me breaking up with a chick mid sex not my finest or smartest hour but here we are and yes my bits are still by some miracle intact…not from a lack of her trying
This