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Date: December 9, 2022
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“How can I fix my bfs mental health?” Maybe stop abusing him? Wtf
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What did you do? You started therapy 4 months in, but that doesn’t mean you should being horrible right away. When did you “get better”? Also, 1 day away is not enough. And it feels controlling since he should be the one dictating the terms. Given that you seem to have traumatised him, you should probably see each other 1 time a week.
For what it's worth, no one (who's healthy) actually likes confrontation. It's horrible. But …it is a good thing, because it leads to change.
I can't even imagine being in this position, nor can I imagine having to make this choice.
Let me ask you though, what do you hope to gain from confronting your father? What chance do you want to give him? Do you want him to end things with this woman and leave your mom in the dark that it happened at all? Or do you want him to speak to your mom himself? (I would urge you towards this one btw…your mother does deserve to know, so that she can make up her own mind about her marriage).
If you're going to go into a confrontation, then it's best to have all your ducks in a row in advance, as it will make it slightly easier. You need to know what your aim with him is, in specifics, and you need to know what you want to do if it goes poorly. And most importantly, you need proof.
So the first thing I'd recommend is trying to get back into your dad's phone to take some pictures of the conversation. And then send them to your email as well, have them in two locations, just in case.
Next thing I'd recommend is to really think through what you want the outcome of this to be. There is no point telling him you're “giving him a chance” only to be stumped if he asks “to do what?”
And finally, plan for the worst. So…if he tries to lie, do you show him your proof? If he gets angry at you, do you tell him that you'll be telling your mom if he doesn't? If he just refuses to engage, what do you do then? It's going to be easier to handle in the moment, if you have already decided what to do.
Now…I guess the only other thing I have to say, is that you need to understand that your mother does deserve to know that he's stepped out in her. I can promise you, people deserve to know if their partner is unfaithful, because they deserve to make their own mind up about what they do or do not accept in their relationships. If I knew my partner had cheated on me, even if it was only once, I would end the relationship instantly. And I'm not saying that to scare you, I'm telling you that because it's about self respect. I respect myself too much to tolerate being lied to, exposed to STDs, and have my marriage vows decimated. I deserve a partner who respects me…and so does your mother. So I would strongly recommend that your goal of confronting your father, be that he tells your mother himself.
Not to appeal to popularity, but I have more upvotes than not on my first comment. Most entirely understand what I said.
First off, are you absolutely sure that you're not bi? Don't shoot me! I'm just asking to make sure that you've thoroughly explored that possibility. Because if you are, it will set you free like you can't imagine.
That aside, assuming you're not, sexual compatibility is a perfectly valid reason for two people to break up. It sounds like you might be trying to hold on to somebody that you're not fully compatible with. Believe me, a relationship where two people are trying to force, in any way, compatibility in the bedroom is not one that's going to work out.