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? ? ? ? ?, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 5, 2022
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I am a Counselor. I love this man so much. He doesnât have the capacity to be a good husband. We have been married 7 years.
You deserve people in your life who value you just as much as you value them!
Our society places a TON of value on romantic relationships and much less on friendships, which is kinda strange. As you've seen, romantic relationships end and we don't have a say in that. Make sure you're putting in the time, energy and effort to keep and make new friendships so no matter what, you have people who love you and will be there for you. It takes more effort to do that as an adult but it's worth it. Plus, it's amazing who you meet through friends (don't treat your friends like a matchmaking service please) because you know at least one person you like already thinks they're pretty cool.
Thanks for the update. I'm sad it hurt you but I'm glad you got the info you need to make a clean break.
Dudes a dumb ass, he doesn't realize that hes going to be the one that's easily replaced. Even an average woman in the dating game is a seasoned gladiator in the coliseums, dumb dumb is going to regret this months later when your dating hotter and more accomplished men.
It was all a façade for as long as you did what he wanted or at least didnât openly defy him. When you found out about his affair, he knew the gig was up so the façade fell. You didnât know before but you do know. If you allow him back into your life, youâre giving him tacit permission to do it again.
DO NOT GO BACK!!!
Call him sistah! Do his nails. Perm his hair.
She would be feeling the same way as you and youâd already be back together if she wanted to be with you. She wouldnât be seeing or hooking up with other people, sheâs moved on. I wouldnât give her a gift still, especially not one like that. If sheâs going to come back, she will but that will only push her away and make her lose respect for you. Most people trying to stay civil after a breakup will say they arenât interested in seeing other people but thatâs just to not hurt feelings. Itâs pretty crazy of you to believe that she wouldnât, and if you want to stay civil you need to let that go. The best chance of her coming back is if you leave her alone completely.
TBH he already has you and the house so he probably is just comfortable and happy with things the way they are. My aunt lived with my uncle for 13 years. He was comfortable. Finally he wanted to buy a house and she said no until marriage. He put a ring on it and theyâve been married 20 years.
Why don't you propose?
But it wasnt another man
If there's no point to it, stop doing it. You're going out of your way to like these posts even if it's only a small effort, you're choosing to do it. It's gross. You don't have to press like on things you find on the internet, no matter how horny you get.
I agree, what I mean is in normal conversations I have to be the one to start them and stuff otherwise we donât talk
Thank you for your kind reply. He have made it clear thati he like/love me for who I am. I think my real problem is that I think too much about others opinions :/
You don't know wether you can trust someone or not. That's the thing about trust. But as long as someone hasn't done anything to not deserve trust, they deserve to be trusted.
This!
Also can say..”fuck me hard baby.”.”yes make me cum”
We are fixating on you because you are the abuser hun, you are worried about him cheating but you donât even care to think why he feels that way. I hope that man cheats on your selfish ass
Judging from your other post with the same name and one of the replies you give there, you don't care about getting help for yourself. You are a selfish terrible person. You don't want to break up with him because it'll make you miserable. BOOHOO cry me a DAMN RIVER, you hit that boy and make him want to off himself. You are a selfish despicable motherfucker, the way you write everything is like you're trying to make this all out to be his fault. NEWSFLASH, HE WOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT CHEATING ON YOU IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A VILE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN. YOUR actions, YOUR abuse drove him to not only want to kill himself but cheat on you. AND STILL all you think about is YOU and how YOU'D feel if you break up. You are not ready for a relationship at ALL. break up with that poor boy and set him free. When you're single, get into some fucking therapy you need it. The silent treatment is just as abusive as hitting, you are not a good person.
But do you want to be better? If you legitimately do, you have to break up with him and let him go, you heart him enough, no matter if you go into therapy you will not be able to fix otlr change what you did to him. You can only part ways and wish him the best while you go to therapy
Block and ghost him.
Best case scenario is you escaping him 10 years because you can't take the physical and emotional abuse anymore. You're 30 looking like you're 50, asking yourself how an out of state relationship messed up your life this much. And he leaves you for the latest person he's cheating on you with, but you and he knows that he's coming back so you can't move on. Either by yourself or with someone else. “No other man around his kids bs.”
Worst case scenario is murder suicide.
I know I'm assuming a lot, but it's because abusive relationships are so boringly predictable. It just feels intense and inescapable when you're in it.
You're out of state and he's not even your real bf yet. Block him and ghost him.
Thank you so much for your reply
Girl, noâŚ. this is a HIM problem, not a you problem.
Donât put up with that shit
Make him eat you first before sex? Or maybe ask him directly why ignores your request. Most of the time men don't do it because of hygiene reasons, if he says that is the reason then assure him that you cleaned yourself before for him. Does he like getting a bj from you?
? ok thanks
Dude – get a paternity test done as soon as it is possible.
I am an old lady, and I am telling you – get a paternity test done as soon as possible – don't be stupid. If you are the father – then that protects your legal rights to access to your child. Do not sign a birth certificate without a paternity test.
If it is not yours – then bullet dodged.
I have met a lot of women throughout the years (Social Work) who legit had no idea who the father of their kids was or they thought they knew but were totally wrong.
A lot of times people with multiple partners think they know who the dad and are sincere in their belief, but they are just wrong because their understanding on human gestation and fertility cycles is just woefully ignorant. They think they got pregnant on this date, but they actually got pregnant on that date.
I feel you on not feeling excitement.
My dad and step mom, have a 7 & 3 year old. Iâm 30. (Iâm also adopted by my dad when he married my mom when I was 2)
My dad has called me punkin my whole life.
When I found out they were pregnant with my sister(the 3 year old) I felt replaced. Though Iâm close to my dad, I asked my dad if heâll use my nick name for her.
He assured me thatâs my nickname and he would never do something like that to hurt me.
If my dad understands the importance of my nickname being just MINE.
Your dad should understand the importance of your actual name not being shared with your sibling.
The only thing Iâd say to him if I were you is, I have zero interest in being in you or step moms life if you name this child my name.
Not only is it mean to you, itâs so mean to your unborn sister. Sheâs gonna one day realize yâall have the same name.
Not worth the hassle.
This is coming from someone that has done it twice. Once for a year another for about 2 years.
Yeah my dad and stepmom have no connection to the name.
Yeah for sure condoms tend to just show up rando In hidden places for no reason at all. Sneaky fucks. Probably nothing lol.
For god sakes leave him. If he wants to be dating his mother let him, you donât need to cater to him and his behavior, also you need therapy
I am so sorry you are going through this. You did the right thing. There is nothing further to discuss with him and I would leave that door firmly shut. You deserve better than that in a partner. Please go to the doctor and get checked out. I would also encourage you to give yourself plenty of space for serious self care right now so you can process this and heal.
Who cares about what you want? Seriously. Why should anyone care about the desires of somebody like you? You donât care about your husband, and youâre supposed to love him. You should probably keep quiet about the kids if you intend to be such a person for the rest of your life. Youâre going to ruin all of their lives.
Iâm a firm believer that a paternity test should be done before the father is added to a birth certificate regardless of suspect.
Why are you against allowing your husband to feel insecure about this. Because it hurts you that he suspected you cheated? Well thatâs hurting him too. That the trust he had is fractured due to insecurities. Let the test take place. Let him feel the relief that it was all in his head.
The first clue is the age gap.
No well-intentioned 31yr old man would EVER seriously date a 22yr old. What does a 31yr old man have in common with a 22yr old girl? Nothing.
I hate to say this, but you're being used by this man. Likely behind the back of his actual girlfriend or wife. Most men are pigs (speaking as a man myself).
Get out, don't look back.
She ran off suicidal as fuck (let's ignore the abortion because let's be real, if the mom dies….) And didn't want to answer her husband but apparently had enough time to read her sister's “it's a prank” message.
If there was a sliver of truth in here, this would such an overdramatic version of the story.
Might want to consider counseling for your abuse trauma. Also, if it is his decision to refrain until marriage, the only possible thing anyone can do is accept it.
He warmed his hands before grabbing her boobs. Now THAT'S a real gentleman!
Won it in a work raffle
Thatâs right but Iâm not her life partner, weâre in a strong relationship but not yet thinking about marrying / becoming life partners. It seems she wants to broaden her social circle and meet more people whereas Iâm interested in focusing on a small set of my old friends and her. You think this is something we should work on or something thatâs not gonna change?
Exactly my thoughts.. I give my cats a little toss all the time and then they run back to my lap and I give up and let âem stay Lmfao
So what do you think he's going to do if your parents die? Not anything helpful, I bet.
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It's not a creeper, it's someone.that.probably found out he's cheating with her/him and wants to expose him.
You automatically seeing him as the victim and doing damage controller, just tells him he can continue doing it.
Get tested for STDs.
My ex was like this. I couldn't be sick without him being sick.
What you as the younger person want should be immaterial to the much older person, they have the life experience to understand how imbalanced and potentially damaging it can be for the younger person. The older person should hold themselves accountable and not involve themselves with someone young enough to be their child. So the older person who agrees to this (regardless of who does the pursuing is wholly at fault)
You should have her read âThe Gift of Fearâ. This is not ok, and itâs also a psychological disorderâŚIMHO but neither should you be confronting him. Blocking and ignoring him is the best way to go. Restraining order if necessary but there should be no communication with this guy.
absolutely this! he was deliberately trying to make you snap, you tried to remove yourself, and he followed you to keep doing it. this is emotional and physical abuse on his part(physical was him deliberately causing bodily distress, emotional was using your reasonable reaction to make himself the victim), and you reacted to his deliberate provocation. if you want to make an effort to avoid hitting in the future, you could mentally rehearse leaving the situation(like you already tried to do), or maybe yelling âleave me alone!â as loud as you can over and over until he does.
You're actually so fucking ableist and uninformed, It's disgusting, there are so many types and levels of autistic people, seriously shame on you for spouting such fucking nonsense.
Sensory overload is absolutely no joke, and these people cannot stop themselves from lashing out sometimes, OP is not in the wrong here, now take yourself out of the conversation.
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Her behavior is not normal. Her rages are not normal for pregnancy hormones. Her mental health is in serious trouble. I would talk to her doctor. And do not get rid of your dog but maybe see if your dog can stay with a trusted friend until you can get this woman some medical help.
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Omg. Wow. She got herself pregnant. Amazing.
If sheâs gotta do anything to convince you of not being friends with someone you fucked she definitely is. You shouldnât even be thinking about this.
The inheritance is yours to do with as you please as per the prenup. Declare it off limits.
Technology is a privilege, not a right. Take away the iPad, computer, game console, iPhone, etc and make him earn it back. If he wants to watch something it will be with adult supervision on the big tv. Heâs going at least 30 days so he can detox from it and form some new habits.
Your first week is going to be pure hell. Donât give in or youâll be in a worse position that before.
Consider taking some parenting classes like âLove and Logic Parentingâ or something. Itâs painfully obvious you both need it. Also consider some couples counseling. Parents need to be on the same page regarding discipline or the kid learns how to play you against each other.
Your MIL sounds like a robust and hearty young grandma. Why is she living with you? It sounds like she is a miserable roommate and getting between you and your husband. Sounds like you could get a job, your own apartment and qualify for some childcare and grocery assistance and be MUCH happier.
My advice would be to apologize and assure him that you weren't referring to him, you're happy with your sex life and attracted to him, and leave it at that.
It's a sensitive subject for guys, yeah. But he also reached to make that comment all about himself when that was clearly not what you meant. I think an apology might be warranted for hurting his feelings (intentions are irrelevant, after all). But if he is mature, he will extend that grace to you as well. Part of overcoming our insecurities is acknowledging when we are acting irrationally… which he is, to draw this out and stew over it.
I know I know. I'm not a saint here. I asked before kissing her, about her break, and her response was basically just that she wanted me to kiss her either way so I did.
iâd say probably 911
I have an Indian relative who married a whoâs woman so he could have lighter skinned daughters. He had two sons darker than him and man did he physically, verbally and emotionally abuse those poor children, including telling them constantly how dark skinned and ugly they were.
Sounds like your boyfriend is not a necessity tbh. Any man that wonât reciprocate is a waste of time.
This is massively fascinating but Iâm sure for you itâs a horror. Iâm so sorry that you love this way and I hope someday your brain is kinder to you.
She absolutely had a physical relationship with someone else most likely the girl, maybe she needed to experiment and thatâs why she left, now she realizes it wasnât what she was hoping or expecting and wants back
lol
First step: Tell him to fuck off. Second step: leave. Third step: don't respond to his pitiful attempts to get you back. Fourth step: On-line an awesome life without this guy.
Sounds like you were the first one to get married, and your friends dropped the ball on the bachelor party. However, going binge drinking the night before the wedding is such a terrible idea that itâs really good that you didnât make it to the bar with your buddies that night. It also sounds like everyone lives too far apart for a party on another night.
You should really focus on the fact that all of these guys care enough about you to have spent their money and time to come from wherever they were to celebrate your wedding. That you werenât partying at the bar with them isnât really the point.
Do not throw yourself a butt-hurt belated bachelor party. Thatâs just pathetic and humiliating.
Be happy for your friend and enjoy a fun night out with your friends – on a night where it doesnât matter at all if youâre hungover the next day.
A non-invasive test can easily cost upwards of a grand, which is quite a bit to drop at once when the same results can be obtained for less than a hundred bucks when the baby is born. I'm not saying it's what I'd do in that situation, but I can't say that I think it's completely insane.
They both are nasty homewreckers. Yuk
This has been posted 6 different times on 3 different subs. GIRL GET A GRIP.
This has been posted 6 different times on 3 different subs. GIRL GET A GRIP.
My gut feeling is wouldnât the chat have mentioned people bringing their SOs? Seems like if it was established it was âguysâ night outâ, then they would not have invited Maya.
I feel a lot of concern for your coming child. To be this fatphobic is scary and cruel. You have to address this now. If your wife can deprive her child of a whole grandparent because of some extra pounds… Will she deprive her child of friends she seems as being overweight? What if you get an injury and gain some pounds? What happens if your child is “overweight”?
Your wifes mindset will cause so much hurt for a lifetime for the child if this isn't addressed.
Just tell her itâs happening and donât let her emotionally blackmail you anymore. This isnât news to her so hire an attorney, get your things together and have her served.
Around kindergarten age could mean that the kid is 4. Kids start kindergarten normally between the ages of 4-6. She could have been 20 when she got pregnant, or maybe the kid is around 3 and is just big for their age. That would make the mom around 20-21 when she got pregnant. This person may not necessarily have been a teenager when they had a child.
I said no multiple times. He threw me onto the bed and I continued to say no. He then grabbed my face and said âI am tired of hearing no, shut your mouthâ. I didnât say anything after that and just tried as quickly as possible to get it over with.
Imagine this happened to your daughter in the future. Would you consider it rape?
Tell him to get some therapy!!
Congrats on baby girl!!
I'm sorry for what happened between you two. Was there something you think that started making it change?
Thank you, I appreciate this and it's what I'm doing
You are describing uncontrolled mental illness. You are not equipped to handle this yourself. She needs a team of professionals. Disengage from her with all due speed.
Sex therapy
can you stay with one of your siblings for the time being? Now is not the time to be embarrassed or reserved. Ask literally anyone and everyone for help. Ask. Just ask. The worst they can say is no.
He has dishonoured your marriage by planning to cheat. Your relationship is done.
Get a good lawyer. Sounds like youâre able to provide a stable home situation so unless thereâs something like drugs or abuse going on you dont need to worry about having your child taken away. Donât listen to her threats and continue to make your child a priority.
From personal experience- mismatched libido is really frustrating and there's a sub reddit called “dead bedrooms” where you can meet many of them.
By all means, see if you can help him get more interested, but you should decide how long you're willing to devote to it. Do not marry the guy if he's not meeting your sexual needs.
Lmao I'm not sure you know what the word misogynistic means. Hilarious.
Then your relationship is not ready yet to move on to the next step of moving in. If he is ignoring your concerns and health problems, then that is what needs to be worked on – that you both hear and care for each otherâs well being.
Jesus Christ, heâs in his own house. Just go to the bathroom you cretin.
I have no advice. Thatâs disgusting.
My advice? Give as you got don't ever EVER engage them unless they speak to you first I'd go as far as just acknowledging the mom if you see yourself with this girl for a long time take it from another black woman love on her hard because she is there wanting the approval of pops and bro but all they probably are used to are the hood ppl be yourself always “sip water and mind to business” xx
Please make sure it's a therapist familiar with family trauma and repressed memories. See that they know a wide range of therapy techniques. A patient focused therapist is usually best. EMDR might be a therapy technique that might get useful for her.
Under the prison.
I mean this in the kindest way possible.
If youâre worried about being paid back, nickel and diming, etc then you canât afford to be dating
I mean this in the kindest way possible.
If youâre worried about being paid back, nickel and diming, etc then you canât afford to be dating
So much yikes… you guys are both going to be very hurt. You took her property and invaded her privacy, and from the looks of it, she has a big secret or two.
Hereâs a thought, something like âHey kiddo, you know Iâve been thinking a lot about how nice it would be to spend more time with my grandson, has it ever crossed your mind to go to college?â Try opening it that way to see if he will open up to you about it.
Pre conversation have a long talk with husband to see how you could work it out assuming he goes to the school he got accepted to, when or if you come to an agreement on how it could be done, then talk to your son.
Because she wants to have kids?? She literally has fertility issues. Do you have any idea how expensive adoption is? Even if you adopt from a foreign country, it is tens of thousands MINIMUM for a child.
You are right about one thing though, she should find somebody else. He wants them to be together for 15 years before they get married and actually thinks she'll still be able to get pregnant or they can “just adopt” at that time. He wants to completely throw her window of fertility in the garbage because he can't make up his mind.
Oh not this again.
I 25M Cannot deal with my 28F mental health anymore
I am really starting to struggle holding my problems and hers, I am struggling to sleep and I have massive bags under my eyes because of exhaustion.
So why are you staying in the relationship?
What you should do is go to a therapist. Getting cheated on mind fucks you and messes with your ability to trust and be secure in a relationship.
Also, block this guy everywhere. Your ex couldn't be honest with you even when breaking up. Never look back. Focus on yourself. Move on.
Since it was a sexless marriage, would it be okay if he cheated on her?
Since you don't want to leave.
Marriage counseling. Find out why she cheated. And personal therapy. To get over the cheating.
Itâs weird that he cares so much. Invite him to a celebratory dinner after the ceremony. Thatâs only part thatâs fun anyways.
Who in the right fucking mind tries to propose in 3 months? What a psychopath.
Okay well weâre technically not even official. I just called him that in the post because I didnât want to complicate things, we have been talking for 2 years romantically and only recently began taking things to the next level. (Though he does call me his gf). Heâs still very important to me but so is my best friend and I wouldnât want to betray her like that. I donât know..
Does he clean? Or are you doing all the cooking and all the cleaning?
Your son will be much better off having divorced parents than parents in an unhealthy marriage. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust. If this really destroyed your trust in him then you are doing your son no favors by staying. I find it strange that he paid for his friend's cover but does it really matter if he got the lap dance or not? He crossed a clear boundary that you set as a dealbreaker and lied about it. What other boundaries is he willing to cross and will you always be on edge wondering if you just haven't caught him yet since he clearly won't fess up himself?
I'm very sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. But please, please don't stay with a man you don't trust because you have a child together.
Dude, it sounds like she is an addict. You can't believe anything she says until she gets straight. She needs professional help with this.
Sister too.
It is learned helplessness when they've done nothing but lean on OP to fix everything
She needs to work on herself first before she can be in a relationship with anyone.
You need to set boundaries and stick to them. You decide what's best for your health, mental and physical, not her. If this therapist is helping you, continue to see her.
The issue is that, any relationship with this girl will have an increasing amount of conflict unless you're willing to basically merge with her and become one. If you want to remain your own person, and you should, then you'll probably have to end it with her.
Also she's aware of her BPD diagnosis and working on it – then why is she using it as an excuse?
Yeah he agreed by nodding to her comment – (that her boobs were low and bad compared to what they used to be)
He didnât nod and agree to her interpretation of his nod/expression because she didnât say those out loud.
Read through it again, itâs all there in the original post. the way she wrote it though makes it really easy to misinterpret what was said so itâs no wonder people are misunderstanding.
Both are young now. Sex is important in life but sex is not life.
I appreciate your bf because lots of persons cheating and create trust issues. He is genuinely telling his feelings and he is not wanting to cheating on you.
Best give him space. Take time think twice both of them.
Take good decision. High sex drive is created by hormone.
Fixing his high sex drive is no less than fixing her low sex drive.
Neither needs fixing.
I don't know, number of partners doesn't really matter if he's going 5 days a week. If he's been doing that a while it could be he's had more sex than you only with fewer partners, just saying.
People have different libidos, if you like the dude you'll want to normalize saying “I'm not in the mood” or “I'm having as much sex as I want to have”. If he respects you that kind of has to be the end of it, right?
Yup. Give him to his Mom at this point.
OP responded to your questions in subsequent comments.
Don't call in sick, just continue to say no. Be known for having a backbone instead of someone who transparently lies. You're in the right to say “no,” don't ruin your moral high ground by lying about it.
No need to read further than the title. Answer: u don't. I went through something similar and u may not see it now, but ur in denial of what has happened and later u may begin to show symptoms of PTSD. U need to get away from this person.
Because she is still 100% hung up on him as reflected by all her posts here.
Listen to your sister.
And then one day years and years from now youâll find it. And youâll be like âoh shit! I forgot about that crazy asshole.â
And then you can throw it away
He just crossed into the land of no return.
Have some self-respect and break up with him. NEVER allow ANYONE to call you names.
What you need to do is to dump him and move on. This is hardly a relationship where your supposed significant other doesn't want to take you out on dates unless you deserve it. What the F does that even mean? Stop wasting your time with this guy who doesn't treat you right but treats you less than him. You deserve better.
wym. obviously looking for advice. what else?
Yes. ? bye bye loser.
That sounds terrifying. I donât think you should ride in the car with him. It sounds like he has serious anger management problems which are above Redditâs pay-grade.
It is clear he is deliberately terrifying and terrorising you.
At bare minimum you need not to drive anywhere with him in the car, because itâs clearly a major trigger for deep seated issues.
I would suggest you use a private browser and check out resources for people in abusive relationships, to see if any of the patterns of coercion, control, anger, and disrespect seem familiar. Not just with regard to driving anywhere in the car but more generally.
Your post is deeply concerning, and Iâm so sorry you are in this situation. Your husbandâs anger and control issues are not your fault. You deserve to be treated with kindness, calmness, empathy, and respect. You deserve to feel safe.
âRollercoasterâ relationships typically indicate dysfunctional relationships. Itâs time to get off the ride and move on with your life.
Also, take her words to heart. She is showing you who she is – uncommitted, volatile and hurtful. It might be exciting now, but this isnât the foundation of a 25+ year happy marriage.
Babe, she knows what you look like. Go in with confidence.
You can loose weight real quick. Ditch your idiot of a fella.
Why don't you remove yourself from the personal drama and just be professional at work? dont bother telling drama or listening to it. that way it wont matter if billy ray is having an affair with loquisha or that Madeline likes to lick toes. You simply wont care anymore since they will stop telling you the drama, which in no way fuels you.
Ah, a waking app sounds good. Good luck.
Please block him everywhere.
Every contact (even him following you on media) triggers memories of the trauma he caused you.
And delays your recovery.
Finally – you dodged a bullet. Fortunately you and your future kids thay you did not marry him.
Do you have decent extended family? Where are your grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Anyone your parents are afraid of?
you honestly sound WAY too selfish to be in a relationship.
At no point in a healthy relationship is this okay, but at 7 months you shouldn't have a pattern of multiple fights.
This isn't your person. Move on.
Honestly surprised they havenât deleted but maybe theyâre just dead inside.
“I don't initiate sex more than 3 times a month”
Man, I wish my wife initiate sex more than 3 times a decade.
What did you do to him? I feel like that's an important part of the story.
It sounds like she was groomed by them if they just made it seem like it's normal all her life. Are they hard too? This is so uncomfortable
Not really, in her case is not even blood related.
So let's replace “relative” for “friend”. Lets imagine you are sleeping very hot with your female friend, which also happens to be your ex but you consider her “family”. Now, is that a big deal to your girlfriend?
Seems like she married him and then changed the terms of their monogamous marriage to poly. I read her historyâŚ. No comment
Funny how âmy body, my choiceâ doesnât apply to men.
Yes but turnoffs are still turnoffs, no matter when the truth is revealed. First date, fiftieth date, whenever. His feelings of being turned off are valid, too ??ââď¸
Your preferences are your preferences. Learn to say no. Be confident. You like him as a friend. If you donât want to change that, donât.
Not the same I think. She said they have been together for 6 years. This post says 3 years. Idk.
If youâre uncomfortable with him thatâs more than enough reason to break up. You donât need to justify it
Maybe send him another text and just apologize, something like “I'm sorry. I misread things, went to a bad place and that's on me. Wish I had something else entirely. If your situation changes, let me know and maybe we can meet for coffee it happens.”
Don't expect a reply. It's time to move on and at least you can do it with a clear conscious.
All iam saying if you happy and you willing to marry that person then go for it , congratulations and God bless!
If youâre having hesitations, youâre not ready. If someone is pressuring you this hard, heâs not worth it.
Go ahead and end it. Youâll be better for it in the long run.
Maybe not. But tgat's a contact the mother doesn't trust, so off she goes and tgat's all.
Again, please don't bring an innocent bystander into this mess. There are other options of disposing it without needing to interfere with someone else.
Going off the behaviour the age is not relevant as she isnt a mature 26 year old, which is why it probably feels normal to you
Let me give you a tip, women that hit out when drunk, then hit out when angry, then when they dont get their way, then when they feel like it
If you're really lucky (as the probability of this happening ramps up with people like this)
You'll defend yourself and be painted as an abuser or they will just make up that you did
Heed the warning dude, I've ducked and weaved through a few women like your partner and they all turn out the same
Why do you need him to admit it? Honest question. Why does that matter to you.
Thatâs the only question that is important.
Will you leave him when he admits it? Will you forgive him when he admits it? You are not being honest with yourself, youâre not being respectful to yourself, you are letting him cross all your boundaries.
You know he is cheating either accept it or stand up for yourself and leave.
So⌠this girl, regardless of the label of your relationship, is still continuing to punish you for going out with friends, after thatâs what originally changed the label? And you say your âclose friendsâ? Doesnât sound like it. Tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you will not have an ex girlfriend who thinks she can determine what you do and with whom. Reiterate thatâs why you broke up in the first place. And block her.
If it smells like sht, looks like sht, and tastes like a load of sh*tâŚ. Dump her.
she does want to.
No, she wants to want to. But she doesn't want to.
The only thing that will do it is consistency. If she can't commit to that, she will never lose weight.
He needs to learn – as we all do – how to feel his feelings, and manage his emotions, even when those feelings are hard. That isn't something you can do for him.
Sometimes a therapist would recommend he sit with his feelings, maybe with a feelings wheel (google it) and then journal about why those feelings are there, addressing them, etc.
Controlling and weird? Let her go out? Itâs her life, she is not a robot that I have controls of. Like I said in the post, we have spoken to each other about this before and both came to the agreement that we donât want that lifestyle
Talk to her and tell her how therapy helped you. If she agrees you can use meeting you as a cover story for the appointments. I think it's completely up to your sister to decide but you can suggest it to her and help facilitate it.
Why haven't you called the cops to report the assault or the stolen car?
This was such a kind response thank you x
I feel like this is always how these deals work out.
Itâs always the woman who gives up her career to support her husband for a set amount of time with promises that he will do the same for her. Surprise! When itâs time to reciprocate the guy never wants to. A story as old as time. The only thing youâre missing is a pregnancy so that it suddenly âjust makes senseâ to focus on his goals and delay your turn indefinitely.
He was never going to support you.
Your “husband” pimped you out without your knowledge. Don't ever give this fucker a child.
Sometimes when it comes down to itâŚpeople are just not compatible. We have different needs, desires, and love languages. People are not difficult to love⌠thatâs just not how it works. You are not difficult to love because you have expressed your affinity for physical touch and Iâm proud of you for recognizing that he is full of it when he says itâs your fault. You now need to recognize that you put the work in you did couples counseling and individual counseling to work on yourself. Itâs time to take that second step out of the door and find happiness.
Is she getting help for her anxiety?
Actually, when you post in r/relationship_advice, you are soliciting opinions. Do you not get that?
If you have a one year old together then you are all family and you felt comfortable telling his stepmother and sister. I don't think he's untrustworthy, I just think he needed someone to talk to and him and his sister are close.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and I hate to say it but you need to get yourself for any potential STDs. Just for your own peace of mind.
From what Iâve read, this sounds more like a compatibility issue with sex rather than her having vaginismus. Itâs very telling that she doesnât give you much head, and also doesnât want to reciprocate and also is fine going a week or two without sex. Sex is so much more than penetration but it sounds like she doesnât have the desire to do even other stuff, unlike you. For some people having sex is very important. For others, it is not as important in a relationship. There is no âfixing herâ I promise you she will not change. You need to ask her âIn general, how many times do you feel the need to have sex a week/a month in order to be happy?â Iâm betting her number is going to be way less than yours. So you either come up with a compromise or you move onto someone else who is on the same page as you sexually. Life is too short to be having an unsatisfying sex life.
Parents age or older is weird, but I see no issue with an age gap of ten years.
Up:(
Thank you.
You should divorce and return to your dreams because you should never leave them for another person in the end it will fill you with regret and resentment. Whether it's dream school, job or hell hobby the number 1 rule is don't abandon it because if they are a good partner they will be supportive.
I will be going to college in the fall donât worry. But what can I do until then to be less of a burden
Excuse me? I do not post stupid cheating stories, nor do I rarely talk about this as its a sensitive subject unless you were talking about op being the troll.
The main problem is that girls tell each other everything. Have you ever seen a woman & thought to yourself âWhoa. Sheâs smokinâ hard!â? Iâm guessing you have, but because you donât do a thought-by-thought brain-dump on your friends, thereâs no text history of every short skirt youâve seen.
I think itâs nothing meaningful on your gfâs part.
If your school is not a religious school, consider whether you could go to the financial aid office for help. This story is surely going to piss off someone there enough they would want to help you.
This is the second story i've read here on reddit within a few days where the woman is literally in some kinda pain from an injury or surgery, and the only thing the husband/boyfriend is concerned about is sex. Then he gets mad, throws a stupid tantrum, and the woman feels like its her fault. Idk wtf is going on but no ma'am. Op, this isnt on you to fix. You have a real immature husband who's only concerned with his own needs. Dont try and fix NOTHING. He should be BEGGING for your forgiveness for acting this way. Do not be a damn doormat. Match his energy and let him know what his next options can be…and thats to either get it together and treat you right or get lost.
I'm happy for you but you know nothing about this couple other than what she gave to us, and it still makes him look good. He stopped doing it without disrespecting or shaming her and still makes her cum. He probably is insecure about the fact that he doesn't like eating her out in the first place, and instead of understanding that, she's… after 6 years, basically asking strangers what she should do to coerce him back into it (otherwise why post it like this? If she was trying to break up, just do it.) Unless he forces his sexuality on her, she shouldn't be this upset after so many years of being happily together? But if she's finally realised that she has to have it eaten out, then ofc she should find someone who will. Nothing wrong with that, just don't blame the guy for it.
I donât want to get into specifics but my career choice has left me with a very flexible schedule. I do work, and as said in another comment I do make the majority of our money.
Is this sufficient information for you? I know that there is no tone on-line, but that is a serious and non-asshole question.
Have a look at that car and house first.
Then go from there.
Consider that keeping a house involves taxes, bills for insurance, water, electricity, heating!
Houses need repair/ painting, etc.
So selling it might be a good option.
Ask several reliable sources for their best estimation, such as not to sell it below its fair market price.
Inquire, if the inheritance requires paying taxes and how an inheritance us handeled tax wise in Germany!
Get cancer you stupid bitch
Saying Iâm the bad guy for not being lazy and getting a job
Avoiding her INCREASED my chances of getting a job
Youâre so thick itâs insane
Get cancer you stupid bitch
Saying Iâm the bad guy for not being lazy and getting a job
Avoiding her INCREASED my chances of getting a job
Youâre so thick itâs insane
This exactly. I absolutely went through this when I was younger so I have empathy for the girlfriend here. But OP didnât do anything wrong and she needs to learn not to take it personally if heâs not in the mood.
I started researching open marriage
I guessed you missed the bit where a fair number of spouses are appalled when asked if they want and open marriage, and the marriage is never the same.
Good job on the research genius.
Thanks for your comment. As I've pointed out in other replies, I don't think there will be any 1-on-1 sex with strangers for neither of us, or at least not at the very beginning. I think your suggestion is very valid though, and I'll make sure to think about it.
Um ok.
Could you and your sister get a place together, and set up a specific time every week you go and visit your mom? That gives you the breathing room you all need, and still gives your mom time with both of you?
Realistically, whatever it looks like, you need to move out for your own mental health. The saying applies here. You canât light yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Hug him.
And try to make it a common thing for both of you to go through job opportunities together.
Look at WHY he had been fired. (Such as to help him to not running into that same thing again, if it can be prevented).
Tell him… regards from me…. the reason why one gets fired is really seldom oneself!
But a random idea in the other persons head/ a financial issue the dismissed person knows nothing of.
By what you've described it's already a problem. So the question is not when is it problematic it's how are you going to solve it. What steps are you taking to reduce your porn use?
That would be a huge dealbreaker for me. I just can't with wasting food. It's utterly wrong.
It sounds like he can't get past this. Some people have very strong opinions against someone they love doing 'love for sale” work with someone else- they figure something innately about you can and will allow you to do transactional relationships, cheat in the future for money or some tangible or intangible that he fails to provide.
He has asked to marry you though and you said yes. Why would you both do so if this is such a common occurrence? Wouldn't it make sense to work out this issue cause he is not letting go of your past, BEFORE the pressure of an imminent wedding and lifetime commitment to someone who can't let go…???
Well, she wasn't being put as second priority. She knew I was going with my friends, but I just joked about making her watch it with me again.
You can tell her you changed your mind. I wouldnt consider a change of heart a lie.
It's over. You said a childish and stupid comment that he took as hurtful. You basically told him that he had a small penis.
You aren't going to fix it. He's going to leave if he's got any balls left after you cut them off.
Does she know them? And doesn't she think it's weird he doesn't want you around?
Guys are pressured into having to like sex all the time that we feel bad if we say no. Women also act hurt if we tell them no because then they assume that we're not attracted to them. I would just talk to him and let him know it is fine if he doesn't want to have sex sometimes. Now if it turns into no sex for like a week or two, then you may have another problem.
âWho are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?â – OPâs boyfriend.
OP just be grateful he used protection. Get STD tested anyway. Block and move on.
Maybe she was saving her money while he was paying her bills?
I agree he probably left something out, but it could be as simple as she got a better paying job and doesn't need him to pay bills anymore.
Don't feel bad – you just had your dream girl destroyed and your future ruined. It'll take years to get over it.
It takes me years to get over relationships.
One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. You'll find someone else and you'll be better for it. You did good leaving her and not letting her make excuses. Stay strong my brother.
I'm super confused. You say that he's asked you out a couple of time when you didn't accept and have therefore never actually dated but repeated say “I saw us going long term”.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone needs space and time to grieve. Maybe let them know there is anything they need you to do for them, to just ask. But otherwise, let them get through these difficult days in whatever way they need.
Wow! Racism and misogyny! Double hit
They lived longer then both my parents,
? you say you've never done anything wrong, but it sounds like you have. Cole didn't know your boyfriend's name yet your boyfriend knew Cole's name. You introduced him as a friend. You go to concerts and go on dates with Cole alone. You might not call them dates, but if you did those same things with a guy you were seeing they'd be called dates. They are dates. You're attracted to him and continue getting closer to him. These are all huge red flags. Idk how your boyfriend hasn't dumped you yet tbh, whether or not one of you has made a move yet you're establishing an emotional relationship. I feel bad for your bf. You guys should break up, save him the heartache of having to feel like he's playing second fiddle to your attractive close guy friend and let him find a girl who will prioritize him like my gf and I do for each other.
Just remember, she ended this relationship. All you have to do is walk away. Obviously in the opposite direction.
She hasn't had another adult to talk to for so long, or people that find her opinion interesting outside of your own family circle. Of course she's in dire need of this attention. She's telling you too because it's not something sordid. She's had a very narrow outlook for the last decade and now she's eager to be a rounded person and part of a bigger social life. Doesn't mean she loves you less!! Try to encourage their, because I bet it's pretty overwhelming for her too and she's working hard
You guys might not be compatible! You can only do so much.
It's up to her to fail or succeed on her own at the end of the day. There is nothing to indicate that her work ethic will change anytime soon. How long do you want to put up with this? Forever?