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?Eve, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 12, 2022
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Men are guilted into it literally everyday and it’s gross
Good thing it is only him on the lease lmao.
Why are you messaging her about the issue vs having an in person conversation? If you can’t have the very hot conversations now, face to face, you might want to reconsider getting married.
Ive been crying for hours… he literally told me to choose between furbaby and him. I cant make myself not choose my furbaby.
It really depends. Some people just can’t afford college degrees and that’s not something that I understood when I was younger. I was raised in one of those snobby elitist families that thinks uneducated people are like second class citizens. It’s taken me a long time to learn to respect everyone’s hustle, and accept the fact that we’re all just trying to get by in this world.
Everyone’s story is different. Some just don’t allow for college. That doesn’t mean the person is unworthy of me or of a “lower standard” or whatever. You should really be judging whether or not you want to date someone based on the quality of their character
I have read this a couple times thinking I missed a positive outcome. I just don't see it. As a matter of fact, I don't really buy much of anything he is claiming at this point, but I'll get to that in a minute. If you let him go, anything can happen and I hate to say it, but it probably will since they will be under multiple influences and he is very sexually comfortable with her. If you deny him, he will always hold that grudge and probably look at you entirely different from this point on. You already tried to get invited, he fought that off and made you feel silly.
As far as his character, what kind of mature 29 year old man keeps a “best friend” that is not only female, but someone he has a long sexual history with? To make it worse, he “hangs out” with her often and i'll assume you are not at those meet ups. He is in a relationship, at best he should either have you with him or limit their contact to phone calls and such. There are soooo many red flags with this guy, sorry to say. He is either some immature guy, or he isn't being honest with you. Trying to slide this trip by you is probably just another deceitful thing he thinks you will fall for.
My gut tells me if you were to go through his phone or spy on him, you will be making another post asking for a different form of advice.
I mean, she's 23 and you're 30, so right away I'm thinking you probably either have nothing in common or you're very immature/behind for your age, which would track with A. She may have picked up on this and realize she should probably wait on sex until she's sure you'd be worth having kids with.
If she normally likes sex C is unlikely. I'd guess she either wants to wait because she's unsure about your suitability as a partner and is nervous about pregnancy (especially if she's opposed to abortion), or else she really is just getting more religious, in whcih case you should consider if you'd want to marry a deeply religious woman.
Going on 7 years of lush love and extreme attraction
Stay away from them before you catch something.
Yes. Always test 2 days in a row.
Yes you should. Have him delete it and unsend it if he has… This is a massive breach of consent.
This is immigration fraud and is illegal.
You forget that her having a bf while married and being a lying manipulative brat is what will put her on the street. The fact that she wants him to commit a crime and join the army where he could get blown up by an IED tells me exactly how evil she truly is.
It’s not just about that. If I felt fulfilled in other areas I wouldn’t care about the gifts. It’s not about the gifts themselves, it’s about the lack of effort
At this point everyone knows. But the friends keep using group chats with me and keep adding me to group chats despite knowing we’re broken up
dating a man- no
I was “mom” in my friend group and no, it was not a “weird sex thing” like people are saying. I had the best grades and was typically the most responsible one so I was mom. My bf at the time was “dad” solely by merit of being in a relationship with me, but if they had already decided that a different guy was dad then you should at least get to be stepdad. I'd start calling yourself their stepfather and start calling them all “sport” and “buckaroony.” Also grow a mustache, no beard, and make absolutely awful puns that are only very indirectly related to what the conversation is about.
Likely wants to ignore it and hope he just goes away for fear of him getting angry if he feels rejected and possibly retaliating..
Thank you!
Honestly it’s much more complicated than that. Aside from these factors, he’s been a good partner. I care about him and don’t want to see him on the streets. I just want to find the proper way to discuss these issues without him being triggered. He’s never responded well to authority or being pressured but I don’t any other way to address it due to my own biases
Lol ok, so my boyfriend moved into the house I own. We split the bills and he pays part of the mortgage. Officially, he pays 'rent', which is less than half of what he paid for his appartment before. I love him, we've been together for almost 3 years and we're planning on getting married some day.
I'm still not putting his name on my house. I've been paying mortgage for longer than he's been in my life, plus all of my savings are in it. I love him dearly, but I'm not giving him half of my home! It's never been an issue between us.
Seriously, putting her name on the lease is like giving her half of your house. That's a major step. It means that if you break up, she owns part of your house!
Nah, son. Don't do that… Also, if she doesn't understand that not having her name on a house is beneficial, so that ya'll can take advantage of government backed loans and their low down payments, when you upgrade, you need to be considering what you're doing here.
P.s. Anyone can pay a mortgage. They don't have to be on the tittle for that. She can give you a check/transfer that references the mortgage # every month, and that will show that she's contributing.
You just described abuse. Love bombing after being really mean? You need to stick to your ultimatum and leave. He's a huge red flag! Be safe.
He needs to be taken to the Vet now because he could have injuries making it very hot for him to stand up. You should have taken him in first thing this morning after you saw your sister throw the ball at him.
Imagine if he was like “I’m going to Amsterdam and I want to go to the red light district to sleep with a Dutch prostitute”.
Then when she says no I’m not comfortable with you doing that, I’d rather break up. If he came back with “that’s controlling” he would be gaslighting her.
People have $30k to just spend on kitchens…? Damn. I guess I'm broke, or financially irresponsible..
You can't accidentally rape someone. You either do or don't.
Someone spiked your drink.
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You get it. You truly get it. Thank you! A lot of people suspect dementia or a UTI and honestly I do not see it at all. She is 65 and what I describe as “spunky and upbeat” 90% of the time. She gets around just fine, loves doing house work and cooking food (however ironic that might be.) There has been no warning signs of cognitive decline. She drives and functions like a normal adult aside from the fact that she hoards food. She would know if she had a UTI as much as I would know if I had one. I really believe it falls more in line with the fact that she doesn’t like me letting my kids snack during the day and perhaps during the first visit that bothered her. So when she returned for the second visit she thought she found a way to control the situation and when that failed she took it out on the kids because she knew she couldn’t take it out on me! I will consider your suggestion for now I will continue to take the kids to babysitter or daycare until I’m off for Christmas break.
Dude, if she did this literally months after getting married, then mark my words, 2, 3, 4 years down the road she's going to get hammered and do it again. You're literally in the honeymoon phase and she let someone fuck her. What do you think is going to happen when the flame mellows out? I'm sorry man but if you stick this one out, you're going to get burned. Have some self respect and throw her to the curb. Not to mention she waited for the one dude to leave to bang the other guy. She wanted his dick throughout the night and you're buying into her “I was loaded and it was a physical instinct” bullshit… you're being made a fool of. Ask yourself right now out loud. “Am I a fool?” And then when she does this again, and she will, you'll remember what you asked yourself and you can answer “Yes I am”. Have some self respect.
My cousins and their parents all did 23 & me so that they had something fun to do and a way to prove it.
Aunt is very dark with green eyes and black hair, her ex is white with red hair and green eyes, both their sons have blonde hair and blue eyes and are lightly tanned. It was so dumb
No.
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So say you’re really in love you get married or maybe just happily stay together and then she starts texting or her access starting to come around and now she feels guilty and dumps your flight on your butt your signing up for a whole bunch of stuff you can’t see in front of you leave it alone
Lets get this straight you allowed your abusive daughter in the house with children? I dont blame your husband. This girl abused you all and i gotta be honest i would leave and see to it you never saw my som again.
Fun fact! It's not actually fetal cells! It's extracellular DNA, meaning there's free-floating fetal DNA just floating around in mom's bloodstream!
Try r/survivinginfidelity may help you to figure out your feelings and get advice from people that have been through it
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It’s so weird to me to assume she’s lying. There’s 0 proof of that and she never said it was an innocent friendship she said she didn’t know he was married
im sorry im new to reddit lol
It's been a long time since this happened, is there a reason these thoughts have popped up to confront her now, 7 years into the relationship, and would something that happened so long ago really change things?
It also could've been her mum, or maybe even she did send it to you but had second thoughts about the “I love you” at the time, possibly feeling it was too soon or not something to say first time in a text.
If you bring this up now, regardless of what the truth is, it's likely going to be a pretty negative conversation.
It's been a long time since this happened, is there a reason these thoughts have popped up to confront her now, 7 years into the relationship, and would something that happened so long ago really change things?
It also could've been her mum, or maybe even she did send it to you but had second thoughts about the “I love you” at the time, possibly feeling it was too soon or not something to say first time in a text.
If you bring this up now, regardless of what the truth is, it's likely going to be a pretty negative conversation.
She started ranting that my meds are clearly bad if they’re changing me this much and that she likes to be wanted.
she liked having the power to turn you down and now that's gone away.
Thanks! I do have a therapist. We meet once a week for 45 mins, but the rest of the week I feel like I am stuck with my negative thoughts. I want to get to a point during the break where I can manage my mental health on my own and not have to depend on my partner fully in that way, but these last few days have been very hot because I think I have been depending on her, maybe too much?? Just having a nude time and I feel like I lost a major source of emotional support, and now have significantly less support to deal with the emotions that come from losing that support.
I really do love him… But I dont like his childish side. .. He treats me really well too.. That is why it is so very hot. His family is so good to me too. But he is not fond of meeting my relatives.
I read this like an hour ago and I’m still fucking cackling. The internet is wild.
I appreciate the reply! We've been doing #1 but I'm still sane enough to not leave him just because he's bad in bed. We tell each other what we like and what we don't like. I do the adjustments but he doesn't. But as for the rest of the aspects in life, he's okay.
Ask. Be ready for a rejection.
No I don’t think it would change. I think the lesson for him is integrity. If you won’t stop doing th thing you don’t lie about it just so you keep getting what YOU want. That’s childish and selfish. 16 is a good age to really start ramming home how your rights end where another’s begins. She is entitled to say I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that watches porn. He is absolutely entitled to say I don’t think there is anything wrong with porn so I will not do that: we have to break up.
Telling girls their boyfriend is lying to them because they are wanting unrealistic things is absolutely horrible and incredibly sexist. Telling boys it’s ok to lie in order to keep a relationship (that may be well be fully sexual) is horrible. It’s actually gaslighting and downright abusive.
I have a 16 yo son. My response to him to his gf leaving him over this would be: she’s absolutely right. You should never have committed to something you weren’t going to do. You broke her trust, you failed to act with integrity. Find a woman you are morally and ethically aligned with. You don’t get to pretend your something your not to get the girl you want.
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This is backwards thinking. If this is someone feels, then say it upfront. “I'm hooking up with other people, but it's not serious – but I want to take you seriously, so I'm not going to have sex with you, but I am seeing and hooking up with other people to be clear.” And let the other person accept that logic.
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Move on. She's not feeling it and doesn't see anything happening between the two of you. A second chance isn't going to change anything.
It just reallly ruined a really nice date day. We don’t go on a lot of dates so this just killed the mood entirely..
Well it looks like I don’t need to drop him as that’s what it seems like he’s done to me so at least I can save up my money for the things I need it for & for my university studies!
Then he gets therapy!!
Stop accepting his behavior!
While I don’t know if that’s explicitly cheating, it is absolutely a breach of trust and would be the end of the relationship if I were your boyfriend.
I mean, I'm almost 40 years old and my dad is not the type to have drinking buddies. But if that's where your mind goes, that's on you.
I appreciate your input. The confusion and problem solving was exhausting.
Do you have someone crafty in your family? My husband found out my size by saying “Hey, my mom is making all the girls in the family rings and needs to know your finger size.” His mom is always making things, so I was totally oblivious.
Sexual challenge and mystique have gone + Hes already seen the film 200 times. If u eg split up, and he then sees u at a wedding in a nice dress with another guy, he’d have sex with u again, because you’ve become unattainable again. It’s all about prizeability
Tonight, sleep somewhere else. You need to sleep. Kiss him goodnight, then go to bed by yourself.
Next, look into more medium term solutions. A sleep study and weight loss are months-to-years solutions. These are good and should be pursued. But you also need sleep now.
Have a look at night time ear muffs. Hibermate make an earmuff-eyemask combo that is pretty effective at blocking out sound. Sleepmuffs make a noise blocking pillow that wraps around your head. If you use one of these in conjunction with ear plugs, you might be able to block out enough sound to sleep.
You have no kids with this cheating woman. Dump and never look back. Take take your ring back and buy a boat.
I understand that you want this to be between you and your partner. But she wants her mom there. I know it’s kind of a buzz kill. My ex girlfriend lives with her mom today along with my daughter. My daughter’s grandmother raised by daughter not my ex. So it is what it is. Talk to your partner and see if you can compromise.
Whoa
Am I really responsible for entertaining her every single day? Am I really responsible for the fact that she is not an individual who can keep HERSELF entertained for even 2 hours? Am I to blame that SHE doesn't have friends? Why do I have to get blamed? I NEVER stop her from going anywhere. I fully trust her and never question any intentions. She could be out with 5 male friends and I would never doubt anything.
Oh she for sure has at the least a disordered way of thinking about food and her body. You don’t adamantly hate all people with any extra weight without internalizing some of it
We’re almost always together but when we’re not he’s always on the game, at work or when I’m at work
When we identify something that annoys or frustrates us and we're able to start predicting that behavior with regularity, it becomes even more annoying or frustrating because now we're disappointed each time it happens. It's your instinct telling you the behavior is unwelcome and the fact you can start predicting when it'll happen is a serious turn off.
You can be in love with someone but be turned off by certain repeated behaviours. Talk to your boyfriend about how his approach to sex with you is becoming a problem.
So many men are delusional about their attractiveness. So many posts here about open relationship. Women always find more guys than the other way.
As I'd said, it was on its own on the bottom shelf, so pretty very hot to miss from where I was lay with my head right next to it. He is a writer, and it just looked like any other of his writing projects, which he has no problems showing me and letting me read. I wouldn't have considered it snooping.
It would allow us some insight into why you don’t just leave. If you can’t list a decent chunk of things she does that add value to your life, then it’s very hot for anyone on here to understand why you don’t just call it quits
Say goodbye. She won’t change. You can do much better.
What you said originally, how you told him and what he did, none of that has anything to do with my point. My point is, right now, you’re requiring it as a sign of love, that’s what’s manipulative. Require it cuz you want it, require it because you don’t want to compromise, require it because you want to make a statement, who cares. But require it to prove his love and commitment equals manipulative.
Him trying to be a good person is like the worst person ive ever read about lmao
My fiancee and I have a rule. If we have a friend of the opposite sex we knew before getting together, then it's okay to text/call/hang out with that person. If it's someone we met during the time we've been together, then the guy needs to text him, girl should be texting me. Period. The person met us both, so there's no reason for him to text me or her to text him. It's a respect thing.
If I met a couple, I would NEVER want the female to even think something shady could be going on. I would avoid absolutely anything that could be deemed “suspicious”. I would not be texting her husband, would not be working out with her husband, nothing. Why? Because of this exact scenario. And if for some extraordinary reason I had been in her room, I would immediately let her know why.
“she got as much as her parents were able to give her growing up”
i dont know about that nessacarily. i also grew up to poor young parents as the oldest child and i can say with certainty i did not get the best of my parents. Teeagers and young adults arent super equiped to raise children and it gets harder with finantial stress. My mom really only mellowed out when i was 16. My younger brothers got better parents and more finantial security than i did and we're closer in age than ops kids.
Ok
A man values a women who is discerning in her sexual partners because of what it says about him to be chosen by her.
Yall so afraid for the money yall don't have lmao. She isn't entitled to money and nothing in her post states that. She made a point that he does not care for the situation she's in but he's spending money on gifts. She learned she has a piece of shit boyfriend who does not care about her and would rather buy gifts than help his own girlfriend in need. She's free to do anything she wants with that info. That is all
Well I got “cut off” from women and this is practically my first relationship so thanks for letting me know this is hell ?
Hey, I stumbled upon this post on instagram and sought it out on reddit.
I just wanted to say that I am really sorry about your gf reacting this way, but you need to break up with her. She has shown you her true colours. Constantly pushing you to open up, but then not following through and comforting you (like a gf should!!!!) when you do.
This is in no way, shape or form your fault. Your gf sucks. She can't ask you to talk to her and then turn her back on you when you do. And you warned her about your past being rough.
So, break up, I know it's easier said than done, but please don't let her hurt you any more. You deserve someone better, someone you can trust.
I would also suggest looking into some kind of therapy (if that's an option for you) to work through your past with a professional. Obviously it's a long process to find help and requires a lot of patience and money, but it could help you in the long run.
Again, I am really sorry. You sound like a great person despite having all that happen to you in your childhood. I genuinely wish you all the best!!!!! ♡♡♡
The intervention is you kicking his a*s out or packing your bags and leaving. There is no coming back from that kind of abuse and disrespect.
You made a mistake and you are obliged to clean it up so You in a month like your life better. Come clean with her. It will be difficult and ncomfortable for a while and then it will become less uncomfortable.
You’re mad to forgive him.
You're gross. I am glad Lucy is free from your misogyny now.
Well either way she did say it.
He is immensely annoying. You are very tolerant. Just make sure you respect your own limitations and lifestyle.
Honestly, this would get a, “hey, this is a boundary” conversation from me. I would explain it is not okay with me for them to speak to me that way ever, for any reason. If they apologized sincerely then cool, I’d drop it but I probably wouldn’t marry them yet? I’d give the relationship more time. If the boundary was broken again I would see it as a “okay, this is a personality thing for you and it’s never going to be okay with me so this isn’t going to work out” scenario.
The state doesn't have to allow you to have sex with strippers for you to have sex with strippers. You can have sex with any stripper who let's you have sex with them.
Right, I can never tell. He didn’t seem like the type at all, but now, I’m just confused.
Right, I can never tell. He didn’t seem like the type at all, but now, I’m just confused.
Right, I can never tell. He didn’t seem like the type at all, but now, I’m just confused.
She's just using you at this point. As soon as things calm down she'll go right back to it.
Get far away. Go on get.
Do you want your son growing up seeing his dad treat his mom like a doormat? I get it, I really do. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when my 4 year old called me a fat bitch and laughed about it. Don't let yourself get to that point. It started with shit just like this.
To be fair, cheating is looked down on in our society. You cheat on your partner? Easy alimony case, support case, or child custody case.
She can be concerned, but there's a difference between being concerned and outright telling someone their trauma is fake because everyone else experienced it and didn't have the same reaction. Do you tell people who are afraid to drive that their trauma be it via accident, a scare, or whatever is invalid?
It’s Reddit hombre people be like “that’s a sign they are an emotional abuser and probably violent, better lawyer up” to almost anything lol
Mate, did you read what you said.
You cannot call something self defence and disproportionate at the same time. Now you're backtracking and say, “k not it's not self defence.” You're all over the place.
I know for sure what I would've done in that situation…not maim somebody. Glad the rest of society doesn't think that's a reasonable response and we're all not walking around with broken arms.
Your point and my point are polar spectrums, idk how they can be conflated has both being reasonable. Never have I been pushed or slapped and retaliated by stomping on somebody's neck or breaking their leg, does that sound reasonable to you. You literally just said earlier it's not proportionate.
He's lazy..He doesn't want to put the work in that it takes to have sex so he's taking the easy way by jerking off.
If she can't trust you enough to have a therapist of your choosing then what are you doing in a relationship? Unless you gave her a reason to not trust you (i.e) you cheated, then again, why are you in a relationship? Relationships that rely on control and emotional manipulation due to a lack of trust are dogshit and could be a huge contributing factor for both of y'all's mental health decline. You don't need to cling to them, there are way better matches out there.
I've came to see I'm actually not not ok with female therapist. I've actually found many good, competent ones, with good reviews, good feedback to users' questions,.. So it wasn't anymore a matter of female, but that exact one. Seeing her made me hurt to stomach.
She hates the one you picked because you picked her. She has developed irrational anger and hatred towards this person because you picked her. You can't let your SO bully you into letting her control your life because that's just not what good couples do.
Trust me, the formerly perceived “weird” kid with adhd, bullies already exist at 8. Wasn’t that bad for me, but they definitely exist. If you don’t know you were probably part of them, either in the middle of the bullying gang or at least on the sidelines (like medium popular in highschool if that makes sense). Think back at the annoying kid, were they really annoying? Possible, we had a kid in school that thought it was a great idea to force everyone to kiss. That was a really annoying one. But maybe the annoying kid was just a weird one that was being bullied. And mean kids at 8 have friends, they are popular; you said it yourself, your son is a bully and has tons if friends.
Adhd makes you impulsive but not cruel.
From your comments I gather that your husband has an empathy problem. He has a very tight circle of people that he cares about and the rest can go to hell for all he cares. That’s problematic and if he is truly lacking empathy on a basic level you’ll not get through to him with moral arguments. And you don’t have the time to tackle the issue at this point so I suggest for the time being just go with rational arguments: tell him your son will be punished by teachers educationally for bad behavior and by students socially. It will be bad for his future. Hopefully you can get him on board.
For your son I’d suggest to talk to a therapist. Maybe your son has also an issue with empathy? Either taught or genetic? I don’t know. And get your daughters also checked.
Careful, now we are entered the realm of pure speculation: there are disorders like Antisocial Personality Disorders. As far as I know they are genetic, so if your husband has it, your kids can inherit it (or the traits of it can be learned from a role model like parents). The lack of understanding why this behavior is bad and the lack if caring about others would fit. If you decide for a therapist and think even remotely that this might fit to your husband please mention it.
Did his family attend the wedding? Have you met them?
Either you are the side piece or some other chick is, but this is definitely not the way honest, faithful people act.
Maybe she doesn't find you as attractive as she did the person she did it with. This is most likely the answer.
How would he lose the child? He’s her LEGAL PARENT!
This is what a petty person would do: put on your best make-up, send a pic “can't wait to see you”, take the makeup off and then go see him. See what happens.
Then dump him. No need to waste time on a selfish, immature jerk.
I already commented, but I’m back to make another comment because I’m so upset. It is very clear that this was something he planned he tried to butter you up by giving you that ring and necklace. He decided that he was done waiting and was going to have sex last night whether you wanted to or not.
At the very least, if resentment ever did form, it'd be towards myself lol, not him. But when it comes to finding other options, we are both very strictly monogamous, so that definitely isn't on the table. I think that might be another reason why I feel pressured to just do it. I know he would never cheat on me, with any gender, but I would feel bad for not satisfying him in this way 🙁
Grooming 101 telling a 19 year old how mature they are. Yikes
Aside from being toxic, immature, hypocritical, and afraid to discuss it in person?
He is an amazing and understanding, caring, loving boyfriend in all aspects of our relationship,
No. No he is not.
He is taking YOUR trauma and making it about HIM!!!
WTF does that?!?!?!?
You're getting it. Can't ignore it.
Oh I’m so glad you’re taking time
I think it's pretty simple, though painful tell her what she said and then break up with her. Not all women care about size.
Thanks!
You don’t love her, you only want her when she looks beautiful. Love means you stick with her through the very hot times and at her lowest, but instead you went to have sex with a barely legal teenager. She was suffering with depression whilst you thought of your selfish desires, sure you can’t help what you’re attracted to but doesn’t mean you have to cheat on her.
Seconds after dropping you off, she ran someone over in her car?
Honey, why are you accepting this as what you deserve?
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
Why is it your job to save her from herself?
She booked a nonrefundable surgery without enough money to pay for it, she loses her deposit.
She gets a dog she can't care for, she returns it.
She should be your partner, not your project.
You can't fix her. You can't save her. You can only decide how you deserve to be treated. A good therapist can help you with this.
When you say “naked” do you literally mean “naked” as in “birthday suit” very hot? Completely, utterly in the nude, next to her stepfather? What did the stepfather wear? Nothing also?
I'm not blaming her as it seems to me that she's used to a certain dynamic in her family so she doesn't know how it would look to other people outside the family… but not your fault too if you don't want to deal with that type of family dynamic.
What did you do to him? I feel like that's an important part of the story.
She already said that porn is a boundary. If that’s something he’s not okay with then they aren’t compatible and she needs to leave. She doesn’t need to reverse the roles to find some kind of sympathy for this dude and his fake excuse. Come on.
a lot of woman get physically attacked or assaulted if they say no to men who dont know how to take a no, she probably didnt want a fight to break out either if she went over to you— many guys dont even stop when a girl says she has a bf
Was not expecting that. So. Here’s what you know. He believes it’s acceptable to hit women. It’s her fault. You are having a child. If it’s a boy, he’ll teach him to have the same beliefs. If it’s a girl, God help her. Does that answer your question. Get an attorney. Set up child support. And. Never put anything in writing that you don’t want a judge to read. Save every nasty communication from him. You will get emails and texts. Don’t respond in kind. Save them.
Yesterday she said wants to “stop talking to him for a while”. I told her I want her to block him and never speak to him again. She now wants to send him one last text saying how wrong what he did was (because she was so shocked initially that she didn’t get this across to him). And then she will avoid contact with him.
This is the beginning of some pretty bad abuse. Trust me it’s happened to me twice.
I'm confused on why you married her and why this boyfriend is suddenly an issue now? Did you just recently learn about the boyfriend she had leading up to the wedding?
Lol, I have a buddy like this. I remember when we were around that age (this was over 20 years ago now) and his gf confided in me that this had happened and she didn't know what to do.
It was just guilt. He felt really guilty and had a lot of shame and didn't know how to deal with it. He came around before too long. They agreed they would never do that again. And that lasted a few weeks before they just gave up and started having a normal sex life.
Sounds like you and your ex partner had different views over sex and communication, and breaking up was the right thing to do.
Time will heal all wounds, but for the future you'd save yourself pain by avoiding the religious types.
that is absolutely dependent on the state. some states do require 18 years of back pay and some limit it.
Hi please choose a different color dress for the wedding. If that doesn’t work employ a bridesmaid and a glass of wine
Why?
Why?
Stop being a pussy
I play DnD, weight lift, videogames, and paint models in my spare time (don't have a lot of it mind you) and my wife likes to go out and be social, figure skate, buy & sell and such the only things we like together is exercise and movies type things.
I don't force her to play with me and she doesn't drag me out of the house lol we do things together but doesn't mean we have to do the same things to love and appreciate each other.
Not sure what you should do OP but being a bit of a door mat for your partner, you can like your own things.
If I told you that Japanese people slaughter and eat dolphins is that a racist stereotype? Or is that a fact? It's truly a horrific thing. Those are amazing creatures. Seems like he went a little off topic with the Chinese but they do indeed eat bats… he was just stating a fact. I think you both need to mature a little bit. Your reaction was over the top and he needs to mature as well.
I imagine he was also referring to his own. My husband has blue eyes and while I love his eyes, I am not into the whole blue eyes make melt thing. But I love him and his eyes.
i feel so terrible because i haven’t even spoken to him about ending things. i really need to. this feels so wrong and it makes me so panicked. he might be sexist, racist and cruel but i need to know exactly why he pulled this on me. i need the clarity…
Everyone doesn't.
You've just got the wrong friends.
Look. If you stay with him, you need to know he’s going to be fucking other people. Probably both men and women. And I doubt he’ll be safe about it.
So if you’re okay with being with someone who: – Doesn’t respect you – happily lies to you – puts you at risk for STDs – does not care if his actions hurt you
Then stay with him. Some women decide they don’t care and they prefer the stability of the family unit. But know that if you chose that, you are giving up on the possibility of being in an honest, loving relationship built on mutual trust and respect. He’s gonna be out sucking some guy’s dick in a glory hole and then will come home and lie to you about where he’s been. If that doesn’t bother you, then that’s fine. But you can’t ever expect him to deal with you honestly going forward.
I'd go nuts if my or my wifes parents would stay with us for more than 3 days.
Stick to the old saying: “Guests are like fish – after three days they begin to stink!”
How you make him understand? You tell him: “Listen up, it's either me or your parents. Make your decision and stick to it. This is not a threat, it's a promise because we won't stay together if I have to endure such a staycation of them again!”
Yeah he also aged 3 years in 18 days.
Thankyou for the advice. Unfortunately, with my new growth I think I've just levelled up and she isn't ready to grow. I'll just try to stick it out until the market calms and I can move on!
Definitely will make boundaries and try to do meeeeee.
Damn what did I miss? ?
Jesus fuck, from a man’s point of view let me just say we have very different stages of our lives. Sometimes shot just happens and it clicks for us. First of all let me tell you do not under any circumstances contact this guy. First you will ruin your relationship with your husband, you may have already put cracks in your relationship with this nonsense selfishness talking about private messaging the ex. Your ex not wanting sex with you all the time doesn’t have a fucking thing to do with you. Stop being conceded, it have everything to do with him finding himself. Sure you played a part of that, but only a small of the outcome. Men have to find themselves and figure out what they want, you two were clearly not compatible and that’s ok. There are 8 billion people on this planet, not all of them are gonna be a good fit for one another, just because you see him now dressed up and fucking around with two women isn’t a knock on you. Get out of your head, move the fuck on. If you can’t move on for God sake don’t tell your husband you’re hung up on this. Get some therapy because that isn’t healthy thinking. You’re better than that.
He's hedging. He's not taking full responsibility.
I agree it's great that he's given a quasi-apology and agreed to therapy. Hopefully the therapy will help with the hedging. But for him to take full responsibility, he has to be honest about what he's apologizing for. He can't say it was a joke when they both know damn well it wasn't.
Family boundaries are necessary. Either the family makes positive changes, for themselves too not just to impress future boyfriends, or the person (you here) hold them accountable and leave the instant they start acting up and go low contact.
And the partner does the same. You two become a new unit with your families becoming secondary. Those secondary folks must behave decently (some quirks are harmless) or be cut off. Of course be helpful to your parents during emergencies, etc., but no more family time until they make positive changes. Same for the partner’s family.
Looking at my own parents, both should have set boundaries early! Their crap hurts the grandchildren too. If you are having a very hot time setting firm boundaries with your family, just think about your future child crying because grandma said her ethnic hair was ugly, or your son feeling ashamed to be interested in something his uncle says is stupid. You might put up with their crap, but will you let your child go through that too?
I’m sorry OP. Take time grieve. Don’t jump back into dating yet.
It’s name calling and being aggressive.
He’s trying to gaslight you that it’s okay for him to be abusive because it’s all your fault. Red flag.
Could you read what you just wrote and honestly look at yourself in the mirror and say this is a good idea?
I don't know if I'm jumping to conclusions but has he jumped from an 18year old to 'innocent' you?
If you're waiting for marriage, is he perhaps attracted to that aspect?
Leave this alone. Your parents’ relationship is their own business and you have no idea what conversations have happened over the last 10 years. This may already be a healed wound for them. Reopening is is selfish on your part. Go talk to a therapist.
Stop being a walkover, you need to get some self respect. If he wanted you to be together you would be together. He wants to fuck around but have you available in reserve. Tell him it’s over and you won’t be seeing him again.
There is!
It's not for nothing that personal data is strongly protected.
And OP is the one holding the copy rights of her childrens photos/ the childrens personal rights. Not granddad.
Prenups can be drawn in a way that protects all parties of the marriage fails. If someone is that against it and won’t even talk about sitting down with lawyers and working something out id take it as a red flag.
recommend talking it out with a counselor or therapist or loved one
fundamentally it's not healthy to online this way.
if you continue to, it will impact you and your wife's happiness.
If a call or message crossed a line, I just told them that I appreciated our friendship and our professional relationship but that I am not interested in more and cannot maintain the friendship unless they dial it back.
I had one colleague who would drunk text me on Friday nights periodically. We’d been friends for years and I knew he was going through a rough time so I let it go as he’d send follow up apology text and was embarrassed.
Either way though, I did tell my partner/show him the messages. He wasn’t bothered by it at all, I just prefer transparency.
He gets hit on at work too but as he’s in a memory care unit, they’re all 80+ YO women with dementia and don’t remember his name day to day. He’s just the very hot carpenter who plays oldies and is nice to them. ?
RUN. I'm sorry man, really I am, but this isn't one of those jumping to conclusion posts like 90% of the posts on this forum where people just say break up with the person.
You really should not stay with this person for your own mental health. The relationship is done.
Ikr? So incredibly embarrassing for them.
It’s like they are physically yelling “I’m lonely and desperate and obsessed with this girl”
I am just curious, does this mean every time a woman gives a man the silent treatment, he should leave because she is being abusive?
Sry I didn't realize this was a relevant point but I just want to clarify My mom could send us to the school she works at with a discounted tuition bc she works there but my dad has some expensive health conditions that I don't really want to get into on reddit so covering all his medical bills and sending me to a private school (even at a discounted price) would be a stretch and we would have to cut back on alot of things. I also like my school lol
I’d wait until a somewhat jovial or romantic moment (I’m picturing it as driving downtown for a show in a freshly washed jaguar w a favorite song playing) and smile and look at him and say “baby. What would you consider to have been the best years of your life so far? When would you say you have felt the safest, most loved and most content?” Que giant smile but and this is key..when you flash this smile it’s REALLY important that you consciously make sure you’re eyes look like you’re being completely sincere. I’m dead serious
You seem to be between two women who bkth are going to bring luggage your way. One is coming from the grave, and the other was? Or is hung up on her ex, even if she doesn't see him anymore.
Im gonna tell you that you should take that happiness you built for yourself and find someone in the exact same place. That way, no one is pulling you down while pulling themselves up or vice versa.
IMO, if you were a friend of mine, I would tell you unless they are distinctly awesome to the point you couldn't see anyone being better suited to you, then invest yourself in finding that better match.
Tell her you’re not a piece of meat and you don’t appreciate being used then walk away
If his GF has a problem with yours- his GF is the one who should stay home. If the GF can’t be civil for a few hours, she shouldn’t go. Your GF may not like her, but has no trouble putting that aside and being civil. This is his GF’s issues, don’t make it yours.
Who hasn’t gotten bored and thought “I wonder what Felicia is up to?” Clicky clicky “ah… she married a woman, they look happy good for them”. ?
You decide if it matters to you. Do you mind being friends with someone who believes themselves to be emotionless? It hasn’t bothered you so far.
It’s not worth further conversation, though. He said what he meant.
Like other said block her and go no contact. Staying in contact will keep triggering you. For your anxiety Start exercising. Go on long walks in nature, follow some guided meditations for relaxation. Reach out to a friend and get out and do something to distract your self when you start perseverating. Your not still in love with her your I love with the idea of her. She has shown you who she really is.
Dump him. Move in with your parents to save money and have a stable home for this baby.
How close are you with this guy? Like…is it your friend from before marriage, or two friends your wife and you made together?
They both sound relatively shitty, honestly. Unless it was someone I cared about a lot, who had helped me out in the past, I would talk to my wife about creating distance from people like that. Trust when I say relationships like theirs blow up in the worst of ways, and I doubt you’ll want to be anywhere near it when it does.
You are both exhausting and need to communicate better. Don’t let things fester, if you have an issue talk about it right away.
The adjective “criminal” is missing.
Because it's not.
In the vast majority of situations, the money in a shared account can be freely transferred by any of the authorized users.
If one choses to wipe you out and leave you only have your eyes to cry.
Hell I know an ex-colleague that got cleaned out by a long term GF that decided she wanted a break up and a nice exit package (he was the one making the vast majority of their revenues).
It was for him a very expensive lesson about proper compartmentalization of assets. If you're not married DO NOT put more than the strict necessary in a shared account.
Do you clean up your dogs poop when you let her out?
I’m 65 and can’t imagine having a 56 year old husband. The other way around doesn’t usuall matter because men usually age more gracefully. But that’s coming from me and even at my age there is a marked difference in my age and someone still in their 50s.