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People like this cant be reasoned with. You ultimately have to decide whether having your grandparents in your life is worth the toxicity.
Politics and religion cause this divide between family members, perhaps now more than ever. Sometimes you can work around it – other times you cant. Personally I can brush off letters and texted “news” articles and crap people send me, but I dont tolerate being preached at when we get together.
Oh yeah that's a tough one.
I actually used to have a best friend who was a lot more attractive, bubbly, fun, and sociable that myself, so it was very common for guys I liked to start liking her instead. So I'm gonna give some advice from that perspective.
Unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do to prevent the coworker from getting hurt if she likes you and you want to pursue the friend.
That being said, this kind of hurt always subsides. She'll get over it. If she doesn't, then she has some deeper personal issues that she needs to address. Unfortunately these things happen to just about everyone, and you (the coworker) just gotta suck it up and the end of the day. Its harsh but it's the truth.
There's no point in denying your own happiness, nor is their any point in her friend denying her own happiness. All that will do is spare the coworker from some temporary hurt feelings, whilst denying you and the friend a shot at a really nice relationship.
The best thing you can do is be honest with the friend, and if she feels the same, then be honest with the coworker. Yes, she's gonna be hurt. She might be angry and insecure for a little while, and she may need to distance herself from you guys until the hurt feelings subside. But if she has a smidge of maturity, and if she's a good friend, she'll accept it at the end of the day. It's not like you guys were dating and you cheated on her with her friend, so neither of you have done anything wrong. You'll only be in the wrong if you lie and keep the coworker in the dark.