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Helga, 20 y.o.
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On-line Live Sex Chat rooms Helga
Date: October 15, 2022
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controlling is telling him i won’t let him go
How is giving him the ultimatum “if you go I'm dumping you” any different?
They have an open marriage. That’s something you should have included in the op.
It’s funny that you think you love these women when you haven’t even dated them and don’t know them. You need to learn the difference between lust and love.
The same boyfriend that you think you’re in an abusive relationship with? Not blaming you, but how many red flags will it take for you to leave him?
Your post history is basically this sort of question multiple times. You are so insecure in the relationship. Not all people are comfortable being in a relationship with a person who has a past plus children. Break up with this man. Go find someone who doesn’t have an ex and especially children.
Look into the sunk cost fallacy and decide whether this is true for you and your relationship. Communication is a constantly evolving thing and as a couple you will continually grow and understand each other, it doesn't just end. There are always excuses when someone doesn't want to do something. The only question really is how much longer are you willing to put up with it?
He fucked the dad not the sister
I would consider that cheating.
I just don't know if she really is clean now or not bc she said she clean and won't do it again but I told her that ik and have a feeling that she may do it again but idk
I think therapy can be great for understanding where jealousy comes from. Not everyone has the inclination nor the resources to get therapy, though.
When I was a teenager, I used to get jealous in relationships if my boyfriend wanted to hang out with friends and not just with me. I don’t think I consciously understood it at the time, but I was afraid it meant he was losing interest in me and that scared me.
As I got older, I found out that acting too clingy was going to make healthy people lose interest in me so there was no point in shooting my self in the foot. I learned that having other friendships is a GOOD thing. I learned that some boyfriends were going to lose interest in me because “it be like that sometimes” and that’s not a reflection on me and my worth.
All of these lessons came as a result of breakups and heartbreak for sure, but sometimes you have to have crappy experiences to learn lessons about yourself
OK but why does he want to move on when she told him her feelings?
Whoa, that age gap/time line is a huge wtf
So he's a narc and so's his mom, and you clearly need to get away from them. He doesn't want you to get close to his family/sister specifically. He doesn't want you to know real things about him and that's why he downplays other women. What you are seeing in his mother is your future, he just hasn't dropped his facade all the way.
Did you two directly immigrate? Or did your families immigrate?
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Agree with many here. You need to go with him. And I want to add, polygraph him.
Updateme!
Nah we all know it’s ok to hit people when they make you angry, they’re asking for it /s
This guy is her boyfriend now. Youre just the guy that pays her rent. Time to show some backbone.
It's ultimatum time. This guy goes or she moves out and gets a damn job.
This might not be helpful, i usually treat these questions like if there is a question maybe don't do it, but i think there is a fundamental difference between doing a generalized blackface vs a specific character. Generalized is more like you projecting your bigotry whereas specific character is more honoring them. For the record I'd think the same way when it comes to an equivalent action such as with another race. I think the best middle ground is to dress up like the character but not do skin tone tho
Kate is trash and just looking for a reason to be angry at something.
I'd wait for a mediator.
The thing about your husband is that he's your husband. He loves you, so he's biased in your favor. Of course, he's also himself, so he's biased in his favor. Literally everything that ever comes out of his mouth is subjective.
But, of course, the same is true of you. Literally everything you say is biased in one way or another as well. That's how marriage works.
The mediator — the therapist — is the only person who can be objective. And since your relationship is already not as steady as could be desired, it might be wise to wait for that objectivity.
IF he is tapped out why not use a dildo?
Not trying to be crass, but you kinda are looking to slice a cake with a stick of dynamite.
Unless he ever said anything remotely close to being interested in swinging, you are not going to be able to not make him feel inadequate, especially if you advise that you are not satisfied after he finishes and need another man. With a toy he might just write it off as you needing a little extra after, versus needing another man or two sticking their penis in you.
Thank you, this is really helpful
Girl, just go. Are you ever really going to trust him after this?
So you know a flawless human? Mist be Jesus Christ reincarnated then.
In order to get enough bubbles out of my buttercream in order to make it usable, I have to spend a good hour with a spatula going at it by hand. Plus, with the cost of butter as high as it is I'm getting a lot more bang for my buck by just buying store-bought anyway. Meanwhile, I've never seen a box mix that required two kinds of oil, all the ones I've used just list vegetable oil, and like I said, even factoring in the 2-3 eggs if you buy a dozen and make actual use of the other ones the most you're spending on eggs for the actual recipe is like $5.
To you
Your response is puzzling.
Considering this is an advice subreddit, did you have a specific question you wanted to ask the reddit community?
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Your response is puzzling.
Considering this is an advice subreddit, did you have a specific question you wanted to ask the reddit community?
Escorts fuck dude. Haha
Maybe controversial, but it seems a theme of good girls get stuck with bad boys because they have too much empathy for them, believe they can change them, etc. And the good guys get stuck with the crazy women for similar reasons. Therefore women and men are pitted against each other and the only happy people are the ones that found a good partner/good match for them in the beginning. And they don't want to bother with the whole debate because they are living their own happy lives and have children and stuff.
I am drunk so I'll reassess this comment when I'm sober, sorry if it's stupid! Feedback extremely welcome.
Please add this and the fact that alcohol wasn't your addiction to the OP, I think many people would give different advice.
Yeah its up in December. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now i really thought i was being dramatic because i am very emotional person . That’s why i wanted to ask strangers who have no bias opinions unlike family and friends and now I’m feeling more validated even though i sound like a idiot on here . I’ve definitely been saving up and making an exit plan . Thank you for your time ?
You did say it, I misread your post. I also didn’t mean to be harsh, you’re clearly hurting, I was just telling you I’ve seen and lived this! I want you to feel better. I wish you all the best of luck in therapy and in your relationship.
She had just had a baby. Please take several seats.
Oh no, if it isn't the consequences of my actions. You coerced “the man of your life” into a 3some he clearly didn't want. And when he showed visible discomfort you didn't go to him to comfort him but continued…
There’s a lot I’m leaving out.
The main thing you are leaving out is why you are staying and putting up this obvious domestic violence against yourself.
Sorry OP but she appears to be an incredibly toxic person and why you are staying in this situation is beyond me. If you were female everyone would be yelling at you to get out of there as fast as you can.
Domestic violence – both physical, emotional and mental – is occuring to you and as a victim, you are going to find that you are stuck wanting to help her. So please understand that you can't. You will only be hurting yourself by staying in this situation.
Can you please check out r/abusiverelationships and ask them to help you work out a strategy for leaving this situation.
I know you love her, I know you want what is best for you but this situation is such that you can and must thing of exiting it asap.
The texts are deleted, she planned purposely to deceive you by having this guy a different name, you have no proof it was just sporadic texting.
Fact is, she probably never stopped boning him, she just got better at hiding it.
This is fu*** up beyond repair. If you stay with her this time, keep a lawyer on retainer, plan to get regular STD tests, and DNA testing for your children
I would be exhausted if my partner wanted to have “deep” conversations just for the sake of having them. Like let me rest my brain, damn.
Sociopaths lack empathy for everyone, you are no exception OP. Sociopaths see every relationship and friendship as an exchange. They will do anything for you and burn bridges for you because they know you would do the same for them. It’s equal exchange and they want to keep beneficial people in their lives. He does care about you and he would be willing to sacrifice a lot for you, you are his girlfriend and he adores you a lot. However, because he and your mother are already on bad terms you have to think about the future. Sociopaths will do anything to eliminate threats or inconvenient people from their lives, including using manipulation to distance him and you from your own family. He will control his tendencies well around you because he genuinely cares about you and don’t want to lose you, but you can’t say the same for him vs. other people including your own family and friends
Yeah he’s ruined my trust now. Even if he didn’t meet the guy there would always be a possibility you know
It wasn‘t like… one mistake. She kept doing it over and over and gave no fucks about you when she cheated. That should tell you what you have to know.
Does it really matter if it's permanent? It's literally a part of you now.
Take her social media advice and “don't settle.” You're being taken advantage of… what is she contributing to the relationship? Doesn't sound like much other than the 'privilege' of dating her.
I'm confused on why you married her and why this boyfriend is suddenly an issue now? Did you just recently learn about the boyfriend she had leading up to the wedding?
I'm confused on why you married her and why this boyfriend is suddenly an issue now? Did you just recently learn about the boyfriend she had leading up to the wedding?
I'm confused on why you married her and why this boyfriend is suddenly an issue now? Did you just recently learn about the boyfriend she had leading up to the wedding?
To be clear, you were wrong to snoop but I get the impression that you suspected she was being shady, at least subconsciously. I see so many people on this subreddit who do all kinds of mental gymnastics to avoid being single. Being single is far superior to being in a relationship with a dishonest person that you feel like you can’t trust.
Just know your wife will probably go apeshit if you are going behind her back to call some guy. And you have no way of knowing if he'll be honest in the slightest. It's not the best move.
Hi everyone, I am going to give an update. I’m planning on confronting him tonight. We will see if I’m sleeping in my car. I understand a lot of people are asking why I have stayed with him. It’s because I was holding on to hope that he would change and stop hurting me. And the sad truth is, if this wouldn’t have happened I would have still put up with it. My heart is too big for my own good.
I know it’s so dumb to believe someone would change. Trust me. But I just kept keeping that thought. He was supposed to be the one I settled down with. We were planning on building a house together and all kinds of stuff. This is just a horrible situation that I would never wish on anyone.
What does he want you to change, and are you prepared to do it?
She asked the same question
I'm really sorry you're feeling so wrung out. Unfortunately, I don't think this relationship is good for you. You are crying constantly over his actions, and even when he says what you want to hear, you aren't reassured. As for scheduling, it sounds like there is a long history of issues there, and where you've landed now is that he wants some more space, and you spiral when there's no date on the calendar. I think you really need to prioritize working through your abandonment issues. Your emotional state seems 100% dependent on someone else's (i.e., your boyfriend's) actions, and that's not healthy for you or the relationship.
I have to admit she’s being incredibly childish at the moment, this is really out of the left field for her character and it’s honestly making me rethink the trip that my best friend invited me and her both on.
Because if she’s going to be like this, I’m not gonna risk her starting daggers at my ride or die friend all trip
Well, whether you 'fought back' or not, whether you have a history of sexual assault or not – the fact that you said no and he continued, is rape.
I was in a similar situation with a long-term boyfriend when I was younger and it caused me a lot of issues. I think you should leave this man.
I don't know what the laws are with this because rape is so difficult to prove and unless someone injures you or is a stranger or you were unconscious, it is very difficult to prove that someone has raped you.
I think there are some men that for some reason don't think this 'counts' as rape or they at least pretend not to think so but it is rape. I would leave him and report him as soon as possible. Whether it goes further or not, I think it would be worth putting in a complaint because he deserves to know what he did was wrong and you also should have on file that this person is a dangerous person whether for yourself if he ends up doing something else to you in the future or not, or if he does this to someone else then it will be shown on his history that he is a rapist or at least an accused rapist.
Thank you for the advice, we’re determined to make this work, so we won’t let it tear us apart.