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Max, 26 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
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If she's not what you want, you should break up.
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So yesterday (Dec 13) I (32 M) found out my girlfriend (35 F) was pregnant. Today she revealed to me she cheated on me on November 27 and 29. I am extremely hurt over this and don't know if the baby is even mine now. She is very adamant that she used protection. Regardless of that I don't know how to feel about the cheating, I could get over it I'm sure, but if the baby isn't mine I won't be able to ever look at her again. She thinks she is 5 weeks pregnant. I'm so stuck in my mind and feel so numb I am unsure what to do. Part of me wants to leave and not be around her but at the same time part of me doesn't want to leave her in such a stranded position she is in. At around I weeks I read there can be a paternity test done by drawing blood from us. I just don't know what to do from now until then.
I think it’s time to shit or get off the pot after 3 years, 1.5 living together. You both know what you’re getting basically. If you’re not sold then move on.
First, I was disgusted by my partner almost immediately after quitting birth control so thinking that will “cure it” might go the opposite way for you.
Second, a huge predictor of relationship longevity and happiness is having shared activities. She really won’t do anything of you? It sounds like your girlfriend who “has no hobbies besides TikTok” isn’t really someone you view as fun and engaging.
So I would say get off the pot.
Obviously she needs some mental help and could benefit from some medication along with therapy. If she doesn’t get help and improve, leave her.
That was very mean of her to say but sometimes people with mental issues say messed up stuff.
If you love her, give her the chance to change. If she doesn’t—do not remain in an abusive relationship with a crazy person. It’s not worth it.
Just to be clear, I'm not saying do those things, I'm saying find concrete things he can do to show you that he can be trusted. It can't just be, “I'll know when I know,” because that also lives him living in limbo if this was an honest, one-time thing. (It wasn't, but still.)
And no, this isn't the only way to stop people from cheating. You just need to date someone that's in a healthy place emotionally, can communicate clearly, and… you know, won't cheat. Or if they will, they'll realize instead they don't want to be in a relationship with someone and will break up with them instead. It's about finding someone with emotional maturity.
that's your best friend? lord no.
?????
Ask him his plans, and then decide whether your goals and his are compatible. Stop nagging him and trying to change him. Accept him or leave.
And keep your parents out of it.
I've just broken up a 4 year relationship with a person I love because I feel like we're not compatible. Precisely to avoid the future others wrote about. It can be done, hurts you both like hell, but I hope that it hurts less than how it'd hurt to know you never gave a shot to find something that doesn't make you miserable. To find someone that'd celebrate your sexuality and explore it with you and be engaged and interested. I'd never forgive myself if I didn't take that chance and let myself stay in that relationship. I still love her, will support her sometimes, but I know when to take charge of my life.
Guy but 23F?
Err regardless, Give him/her the heads up in her behaviour and talk to her about her creepy behaviour.
Call the cops. Period.
Get it in a police report. They will contact CPS for an investigation. As the police for a temporary restraining order and contact an attorney to file an ex parte to extend it until family court. CPS won’t take your child if you’re actively leaving the abusive spouse (drugging a child is abuse). People like this will be the first to call CPS on you if you leave and flip the story. Get ahead of it and don’t leave the family home or you won’t get it in the divorce. The cops will more than likely arrest him or CPS will come in time for you to have an opportunity to change locks and install cameras outside in case he shows back up.
Wow. That is comprehensive and wise. You are awesome.
Your recent edit breaks my heart. What a horrible thing your husband did to you. You're in Canada, so am I. I had a chemical abortion about the same week level you were. It was a very good decision from me, and was relatively painless. It cost me $40 bucks in Ontario. I know food and living is shit right now, so if you need any help covering the costs if this is a route you want to take, send me a Dm and I can try to help.
Your boyfriend just told you who he really is please pay close attention. He's about as useless as a condom with a hole in it
Make sure to have ur exit plan before u do.
And make sure to get a DNA test before u sign papers.
Also, foward those messages to her HR
And she’s answered so I don’t know what point your trying to make here?
There’s no way in the world two people on the planet do this, see you destroyed and leave for weeks, then happily fuck away believing they have your absolute happy blessing. This is a troll post or get yourself to psychiatric help asap.
Just start bringing him. Force the issue.
He's literally cheating while you're witnessing it and then gaslighting you. Just end it now.
It's not tricky, what it is is one person denying the other of informed consent because they are selfish.
Yes, you disclose as quickly as possible anything that may sway their opinion of you up to and including things that would make them not want to date you.
“But I like him/her! I don't want to lose them over this!'
EXACTLY! You know some people won't be ok with it so you hide it. You care more about what YOU want, what YOU think is ok. You take away their informed consent based solely on your feelings. It's such an incredibly selfish way of thinking it boggles the mind how so many people don't see it
I feel like he doesn't deserve to know how badly he's hurt me. I want to be a stronger person.
I don't plan on moving out. We have 5 other roommates and I'm close friends with 2 of them, I'd hate to move it. Also I can't really break the lease. I have 5 months left
This is a harsh question, but does she maybe regret becoming a mom?
So, what advice are you wanting? Or are you just seeking validation?
I'm a 32 year old female and I loved Catherine called Birdie. I thought it was sweet, funny and I got a bit tearful at the end too lol. Your partner has issues. If she thinks you're a pedo for watching that, she must think you're totally depraved for watching and enjoying Stranger Things. It's a very odd view to have.
Confirmation bias is a hell of a thing.
Your relationship is fresh, 4 months is nothing if you look at the big picture. And I completely understand why she told you to leave. She had this job before you and clearly wants to keep her job so she's not going to quit just to make you happy. This is 100% your problem. You either learn to let your insecurities go, because that's what it is, or you walk away from the relationship. There shouldn't be any consideration going into any other option here.
I have 1 more question here actually. I know not seeing your family for a very long time is extremely difficult for people. I, however, can't seem to justify seeing them in July for 6k vs seeing them in October for 1.8k… Am I too cheap??
No reason for me to be envious of you
OP said they checked their IDs and saw wedding photos. What more proof would you like?
Nasty that you show that video without the other persons consent
I’m not sure you should be trying to convince him. He has his reasons for wanting distance from his family. You can’t fully understand because you are close with your own family.
You can encourage him to seek therapy for any trauma but I wouldn’t force the issue. If he is happy and functional while remaining low contact with his family that should be enough.
My partner is very low contact with his only brother. I am close with my four siblings. We have different relationships with our families and that is ok.
You are correct, no means no.