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SQUIRT!! [1500 tokens remaining]
Date: October 19, 2022
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Thank you ?
I just went and looked too and I am… I don’t even know. Appalled I guess? That’s a lot going on there.. the wanting to fuck his therapist and whatever else..
Yeah.. I really really hope those kids feel loved at least..
You guys aren't even married yet and she's cheated and pregnant by someone else, it's over. Sorry
Its your dad, should be easy. Tell him he should think about what he's asking of you.
Is this my ex? He liked it when I cried and wanted me to cry during sex (and had with previous partners). Please leave. There’s so many other things wrong here and red flags and I can’t imagine what else might be going on that you haven’t said. I am like you, many sexual assaults and I couldn’t say no or I didn’t know how to but that is no excuse for taking advantage of someone when vulnerable. It feels so icky afterwards too. Talk to a trusted friend about what happened, hopefully you can find safety and help to see that you must leave. This is a huge red flag.
Thruple would not work if they weren't friends, and even though they don't have sex any more, why wouldn't they want to keep in contact? With friends?
I have good relationships with all my exes, and we still keep in contact years after, because we're friends. And we don't have sex anymore, even when we hang out.
This is a you problem, not a wife problem. Go get some help, go see a therapist. Your anxiety is the issue, not your wife snapping.
You'll need to provide all the context if you want advice. How old are you both?
forget the cheese. it is not the problem.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He said he won’t fool around. He’s a doctor and mentioned he won’t date around with nurses, etc. He said I set the bar high that he doesn’t know if he’ll find someone with these new standards. Idk if I believe he won’t fool around.
You were ill with covid and he made YOU sleep on the sofa!? Mate my bf just wouldn’t dream of it. If he needed a separate space he’d never turf me out of bed when I’m ill. Insane.
I’d take great pleasure in reporting him. Then I’d pack my shit and take my well paid job elsewhere thinking what a lucky fucking escape that was.
Get out. Get out while laughing in his face. Get out smiling and thanking him for revealing his true self to you. For he has done you a favour.
You sure you want to be with a guy like this who can’t manage time? Im sure there is other inconsistencies with him more than you know, your best choice is to break up and move on because he won’t give two fucks about you if he’s dating other girls.
He dumped me.
But nothing really. He wouldn't call me, he broke his promises repeatedly, we spoke on the phone once a month and he never came to see me. I never even knew his address. It was a text based relationship and I didn't trust him
Oh boy she is not happy at home then
He's the problem, friend. Even if he hired an assistant who was a dude, what would stop him from just going to a bar or a club?
You deserve better than this shit.
Dump him and get a different man. Ex strippers are not for everyone, some people don't care, some do. This is just what you signed up for when you decided to do that job. It's one of those jobs where, if you do it, you know that not all people will be ok with it.
This sounds like he was ok at first… but grew to not like it. That's fine. It's his preference and he is allowed it. You should probably find someone who won't mind your stripper past, and also likes army women. There are some men out there that don't mind.
If he’s running it because his battery dies, he better be pulling it out and driving. Otherwise he’s just draining it.
This dude is lying like lied about the apps. You only forget to do that if you don’t care too much about going exclusive. I might have legitimately forgot at 20 but not now.
When it comes to beauty that people find overwhelming, my experience is universal. It also happens to people that become famous as adults. Actors talk about it often – how difficult it is to form genuine friendships, how they have to be careful because they don't know whether someone actually likes them, or they just want to use them. How they have to set boundaries to protect themselves. That's how I know you are not at that level of beauty. It is universal.
People see us as trophies. They see beauty as power. So they try to use us to make themselves more “important”. You have no idea what that's like. They want to be seen with us; I've had people fight just to stand next to me. Not because of “me” but because they wanted to be seen standing next to me. I had “friends” charge people ridiculous amounts of money in exchange for an introduction. People have charged others money on the promise they would arrange for me to walk down a particular street. People paid, just so they could look at me. Not to talk to me, just to look at me from a short distance. Those are only some examples.
You have never experienced that. Most people can't wrap their head around it. In NYC, home to actors and world renowned models, I stop traffic just by standing there waiting to cross the street. You don't know what it's like to get mobbed by strangers when walking down the street, they want to touch my hair, tell me that am beautiful, try to get a hug. I've had crowds of children stop, stare, and then run towards me for a hug, or just to say hi. It affects everyone, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation. My experience is universal – every person that's of equal beauty have described similar experiences.
If you had experienced a world, a life, where your beauty is overwhelming, you would not have written the OP. You would know that friends are priceless. Given your age, you would know setting boundaries is the only to function. You would know that by now, if you were truly beautiful.
I'm not knocking you, am just explaining that you are not a the level of beauty you believe yourself to be. Maybe because of your abandonment issues, you don't want to set boundaries. Maybe you feel like setting boundaries will lead to people “leaving” you – abandoning you. I'm just pointing out that you shouldn't use your looks as an excuse because your looks are not the problem. You are not truly beautiful. Don't sabotage yourself and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Learn to set boundaries. Start little by little. At first it may feel weird, it may cause you some anxiety. But it will get better. Dealing with those issues now will allow you to create long lasting friendships. Those relationships are priceless.
When it comes to beauty that people find overwhelming, my experience is universal. It also happens to people that become famous as adults. Actors talk about it often – how difficult it is to form genuine friendships, how they have to be careful because they don't know whether someone actually likes them, or they just want to use them. How they have to set boundaries to protect themselves. That's how I know you are not at that level of beauty. It is universal.
People see us as trophies. They see beauty as power. So they try to use us to make themselves more “important”. You have no idea what that's like. They want to be seen with us; I've had people fight just to stand next to me. Not because of “me” but because they wanted to be seen standing next to me. I had “friends” charge people ridiculous amounts of money in exchange for an introduction. People have charged others money on the promise they would arrange for me to walk down a particular street. People paid, just so they could look at me. Not to talk to me, just to look at me from a short distance. Those are only some examples.
You have never experienced that. Most people can't wrap their head around it. In NYC, home to actors and world renowned models, I stop traffic just by standing there waiting to cross the street. You don't know what it's like to get mobbed by strangers when walking down the street, they want to touch my hair, tell me that am beautiful, try to get a hug. I've had crowds of children stop, stare, and then run towards me for a hug, or just to say hi. It affects everyone, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation. My experience is universal – every person that's of equal beauty have described similar experiences.
If you had experienced a world, a life, where your beauty is overwhelming, you would not have written the OP. You would know that friends are priceless. Given your age, you would know setting boundaries is the only to function. You would know that by now, if you were truly beautiful.
I'm not knocking you, am just explaining that you are not a the level of beauty you believe yourself to be. Maybe because of your abandonment issues, you don't want to set boundaries. Maybe you feel like setting boundaries will lead to people “leaving” you – abandoning you. I'm just pointing out that you shouldn't use your looks as an excuse because your looks are not the problem. You are not truly beautiful. Don't sabotage yourself and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Learn to set boundaries. Start little by little. At first it may feel weird, it may cause you some anxiety. But it will get better. Dealing with those issues now will allow you to create long lasting friendships. Those relationships are priceless.
There shouldn't be a next time OP and the husband need to leave and give back the peace in her sister's home so BIL can heal.
Don't mean to question this post credibility given the terrible circumstances but in your previous post, you claimed to be 21. In another you have a BF not a husband…
So there’s one of two possibilities:
She’s irrational and can’t make up her mind. Don’t let her get to you, she’s the confused one.
She thought you were trying to seduce her by being shirtless and was being sarcastic about it. Thought it was a douche bag move after she decided to go slow and decided to block you.
Not really sure which is it. I’m guessing its 1.
Not sure on manufactured tbh. It sounds like the friend may honestly believe that is disgusting then when pointed out it shattered her world view. When that happens you either confront the problem or run. “If” the friend truly believed this but also really loves the fiance then removing the person that helped them see their beliefs were the problem allows them some degree of cognitive dissonance.
They can go back to their happy dumb clostered place and act like they never had that conversation. Of course if this is the case there is only so long till the walls come down and they have to accept they're wrong or see their fiance in a different light. Honestly I hope it's manufactured because the alternative is just sad and soooo dumb to so strongly believe that.
Fingers crossed we find that one day ?
You are a cheater and a predator.
Hall pass is not a thing. Well, it is but it’s a hypothetical that will never happen.
Again, you are just a general verity cheater.
I agree and I’m starting therapy soon. Thank you and I’ll check it out.
Thank you so much for this. It’s really helping me navigate through that
A 32 year old dating a 22 year old, getting engaged in under 2 months, majority of your interactions were live…..there's nothing healthy about this relationship.
Run away from her and get some therapy.
This is a him problem, not a you problem.
Not everybody is you as fortunate as you bro . If she works from there a lot it would be actually be morally right for her to contribute to utilities if she wants it to be hotter . He’s not at fault for living within his means especially when she herself says she earns more than him and he doesn’t earn a lot . .
What you're experiencing is the stunning clarity that comes from having a baby. I went through the same thing and ended up leaving my ex when my son was 6 months old, after 9 years together.
You cannot unsee him now.
At this point, I think you would benefit from not being there. Can you stay with your brother or with your parents? This should be enough for your partner to realize that you mean business and it's time for him to decide if he's going to step up and be a father to this child.
UpdateMe!
Not enough evidence to say for sure but always trust your gut…
You don't know him, you don't even live in the same country not to mention city for you to be able to have ability to spend enough time with him in order to truly know him. You know persona he created for you. Those comments are showing his true and real character. Not to mention you both are 19, what past are you talking about? When he supposedly treated women like they were nothing, a year ago? And where did you learned that about him? Let me guess – he told you that and said that he is treating you differently because he love you. He changed for you. Find someone you will be able to actually know, someone you can spend time with and see how they act in different settings, different situations, in company of different people… And no, three weeks visit isn't enough to truly know someone. You are very young, you have time to find someone. To learn what you want and need in a partner. I'm not going to tell you about how many people thought at 18 or 19 that they were in a very serious relationship with the love of their life and how they see it now after years passed. Just do yourself a favor and find someone you can actually know, not their live persona.
No, it’s not borderline cheating. Like… not even close. She was put in an uncomfortable situation and was honest about it. Blocking the number is sufficient as he will have no way to contact her. You’re blowing it way out of proportion & being absurdly jealous.
First of all, checking her phone like that is very wrong. It’s a huge invasion of privacy, and that’s not fair. She deserves to know at the very least and you went through her phone, cause that’s just not right. There might be a time and place for secretly going through somebody’s phone, but it’s definitely not when you’re in a happy and healthy relationship.
You need to sit down and decide what you want from this. You need a concrete idea of what you plan to do. If you bring it up to her… what are your expectations?
Would you instantly end the marriage based on this emotional affair from a few years ago?
Would you do couples counseling?
Would you ask her to end the friendship with Tom? What if she says no?
What would it take for you to believe it wasn’t physical? Is her word enough?
Is this something that you can and would overlook to make the relationship work out?
Don’t react to it when he bird calls. If u don’t respond ur telling him “use my name I have a name don’t disrespect me” honestly what are you??? A maid? Jfc don’t stand for that shit
thank you 🙂
You and he are on the same side and he is lining up with you against her, which is a good thing.
The girl has to be able to meet her mother and vice versa. Neither of you should stand in the way, but especially not you to avoid any future blame. It’s up to him to decide. But at this point he has nothing to worry about. The mother has proven her worth, and no court is going to take her away at this point.
You’ve been with this dude for nine months and he’s suggesting you go under the knife for cosmetic surgery? This wasn’t some thing you were actively looking into and his suggestion has pushed you to a consultation for surgery. This is absolutely insane!
Throw out the whole man.
That’s a horrible thing to ask of you. He should be thanking God accident was minor and you weren’t in car with him. That’s how normal people act.
Explanations do not equal excuses. You are right that I could have worded it more impartially and not addressed the wife's mistakes outside of acknowledging they happened.
But that's not how I give advice. I base advice off of the actual situation and bring up the things that are affecting what advice I give. The wife was 18 (so young and dumb) and did find herself in a situation where she no longer had a good time to tell him. Should either of those things excuse her behavior? Nope, but it does add perspective.
My advice would change if she had an affair with the brother last year or if they were now in their 40s and the hookup with the brother happened when they were in their late 20s. My advice would change if they had only been married a year or two or if he was getting married next month instead of already being married. Or if she had had a long term relationship with the brother they hid from OP. Life isn't black and white and the facts inform the color grey things end up as.
I'm glad you wouldn't lie to your wife, but I'm also confused on where I implied you would. The only time I addressed you was where I pointed out that I broke down two different perspectives on the situation to show how people could look at it, but I didn't mean literally you. I think we just approach things differently, and that's fine. It's actually what's great about reddit. Getting to see how different people approach things!
That's good, at least you aren't the only one making the trip. But it sounds like you are constantly in communication with him during your free time. If he is adamant about not giving you alone time on your weekends (which I think is ridiculous) have you tried not talking to him on the phone every day? Maybe have 2/3 nights during the week for phone calls and the rest of the nights to yourself with just a check in text?
Well there goes that friendship.
Update Op!
Don't worry, I don't think we were getting to deep about it either. Good luck.
Thank you appreciate it
I did meet a therapist, went on SSRIs, but then stopped them suddenly due to me not being able to refill. My fault.
I don't think you can do anything but show up and be who he needs you to be, which may take years still to regain his trust. I know it sucks to be the mentally ill one and hear this but you did hurt people you love (I did too) and you can't take that back