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Room for online sex video chat Arti032
Model from: in
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1999-08-01
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityIndian
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBlack
Subculture: subcultureHousewives
Date: October 20, 2022
Seems poly couple was trying to brainwash/peer pressured your girlfriend, it seems poly guy wanted to bang her, but she put some resistance because she was with you, so the talking to convince her began, maybe he told her the same he told you about how she's limiting your sexuality by being monogamous.
My first thought was jump the gun that your gf, go out on a date/was considering going first and then felt guilty and brought the open relationship into the table in a way to assuage her guilt, but then I remember that I read too much Reddit sometimes, if your gf hasn't showed red flags since then, you know your gf better than us.
My only advice is for you not to keep your feelings about this locked, talk to her how you are feeling, maybe one month later she can see things clearly and can give you a better explanation why bringing the talk in the first place, communicate your feelings, even if those are uncomfortable.
This is the answer. There is an hourly graph of screen activity. It should be zero from the time you plugged it in and went to bed until you woke up and started using it again.
If it shows any screen activity in between then you have your proof. You already know she is lying, but this will make her realize that she will have to admit it.
I'm already feeling weird on liking someone 4years younger. (22F)
I'm not sure she actually did lie, she said she was watching TV but actually it was Youtube. The argument could be said that they could be viewed as one and the same, and frankly if she felt the need to hide the fact that she was watching something on youtube of all things, well that suggests there might be a controlling issue from op
Being confident is the new sexy
OP gets laid then whines about.
Is this a joke? Is this real?
Don't believe him. Keep your cats, drop the whole man. He honestly does not sound worth it at all.
Don't give him an ultimatum as that would be so unfair to him, instead, tell him that unfortunately you two will have to go y'all separate ways because you want to find a man who's like-minded. It may be hot, but you have to do it if you want to be happy.
You can have that and more. Don't settle. Certainly not for your first. You literally don't know how much good is out there.
Write him a letter, but also please tell him. Say the words, I’m proud of you, I love you, I’m lucky to have you, as often as you can. ❤️
I think she should explain this to him. He should respect your space and decision to achieve self-fulfillment and self love. If he continues to be persistent, I think you should cut ties.
Once you get the urge to go through your girls phone your energy would be better spent dumping her and focusing on yourself.
Girl, I didn’t even read the whole thing because if you have THIS much drama to write about after just 18 months? This person is not for you. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.
You're welcome dude. You'll find someone in the future who's on the same path as you, this won't be the end
That’s not absurd at all, it’s a boundary most people have actually.
*one was physical: you have to be very naive to believe this only happened once.
The big issue is you have 3 kids at such a young age and have to consider their well-being in all this too.
My advice is to end the relationship but not necessarily jump straight into another one. You need to ensure you have a good post-breakup balance in place, especially for your kids.
She's abusing you op. Go to food banks and can't she get free eye test and dental on NHS because of her conditions? I know I did but I'm in benefits right now. And chili being similar to spa bol? Nah mate, totally different dishes with totally different ingredients from totally different ingredients.
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As noted in the title, we are both 34 and just had our first child together, after being married for a year and a half, and we were dating for 4 yrs before that. I cut out the rest of the backstory to hopefully get below the character limit.
Since our baby was born, I have done 90% of the diaper changes, cleaned 99% of the dishes daily, kept up house cleaning, delivered water/food/tea from the kitchen whenever she needs it, constantly offered/asked if anything else could be done, held our son while she takes personal time in the bath for multiple hours at a time, woken up in the middle of the night almost every time she wakes up to breast feed, told her she’s doing a great job, and otherwise offered every other means of support I can think of. I’m also sole financial provider.
I've been home 24/7 for the last three weeks on paternity leave and the baby is held and cared for by one of us at all times he’s awake…Nevertheless, when I gently asked if she'd be ok if I went to play a computer game for an hour at the beginning of his next 2-3 hour nap (meaning his needs are met and she would presumably have relaxing time too) she flipped out and said I'm always trying to escape and she “feels like a single mom.” Huh?
I have been putting my own mental/emotional/physical health on the back burner, the way I feel a dad should.. Honesty though, I believe a person has to stay healthy and take care of themselves to be able to care for others. Self care is like the first rule of caregiving and therapy, isn’t it? I bring this up respectfully , and suddenly I’m not contributing ANYthing? I still feel my sore legs from bouncing him for 3 hours because he was overtired, don’t tell me I’ve done nothing.
Now, when she said this thing about feeling like a single mom, I admit, I reacted and got defensive and tried to remind her of everything I'd been doing for the family, but that just triggered her to tell me I wasn't listening etc…
We got louder, she told me I was a terrible person and to be quiet and not yell, and I retorted that she was terrible too if she's going to attack my character (in the same breath, I said “I don’t really mean that but I’m saying it so you know how it feels”) and I logically explained that she was calling me a terrible human when I was just trying to calmly make her aware of need I had for a mental break…by that time I think we had crossed the point of no return, and each time I said I was sorry for saying she was terrible (she never apologizes to me, btw) or that I had raised my voice, she threw out a new insult to exacerbate the argument. ie. Me: “I’m sorry” response: “you’re so disgusting and despicable”. very confusing…
Ultimately, faced with her ongoing insults while I was genuinely apologizing and saying, “please stop this and please remember I love you”, I got frustrated with her angry outburts and said something like “alright, if you feel so much like a single mom and hate me so much, be that way and I'll seek full custody when we get divorced. I have videos of you being physically violent with me” -OK, Not my best look – and yes I felt bad and apologized for saying that, yes it was an emotional outburst, and yeah it made things worse than they had to be, and it’s not justified despite her attacks, but it’s all totally true…we’ve got underlying issues that she hates talking about.
At that point she shut herself in the bedroom, and I went to shower and to cool down emotionally. I felt like I had just needed to beg to take a 30-60 minute piece of quiet time (now no longer happening due to our emotional turmoil) , and was more exhausted than before. After showering, while our son was still asleep, I went in to see her and said, “can we please reconnect? I'm sorry for the things I said.” In response, she told me I was delusional if I thought she would talk to me after what I said. I apologized again, and she made it clear she wasn't talking, and I went to sulk in the living room, where I slept on the couch, and continued into the next evening.
I feel miserable and alone. I resigned myself to surfing the news and Reddit (a small comfort to read of others’ woes, I guess)….really feeling in the doghouse. I also know that attempting another apology will just throw fuel on a raging fire. Seems backwards, but it’s true.
Anyway, as she decidedly began the silent treatment and locked herself in the room, she is fulfilling her own gripe and effectively being a single mom, completely taking care of our son on her own for the last 12 hrs, and keeping me from him. I expect she’ll later blame me for not being there for them.
My dad-instincts hate it and I want to step in and pick him up when I hear him cry from the other room, though the door is shut and I physically can’t (she IS taking care of him so I’m not concerned about our son’s safety, btw. )
My vindictive, hurting instincts say, “let her see how it actually feels without me being there,” though I know neither of us is gaining anything through this. She has said this thing about being a single mom before today and she lays the guilt on any time I mention my own mental hygiene and need for brief snippets of mental downtime (like, I can't even shower, or she says something like “did you enjoy spending SOOO LONG in the shower?”…literally, like if it's 10 minutes, she'll guilt me for it being so long, despite the fact that I'll go out of my way to let her take hours long baths without disturbance).
I'm still handling both dogs and housework, and waiting patiently for her to come around to the fact that we're supposed to be in this together, and that I am NOT trying to escape by taking a few minutes here and there to maintain my emotional sanity. I guess it’s my take that if our baby is asleep, it’s our time to either nap or do adult things. She seems to think that every single minute, even baby’s sleep time should be 100% either focused on her or on baby boy.
Now, today, she covertly reached out to our couples therapist (as she typically only engages in meetings after we have an argument that she blames me for, and strategically avoids meetings when we are in an ok spot and are able to get down below the surface). And we have a virtual meeting scheduled Thursday (in 4 days), which I only know about because of our joint email account she insisted on having. My guess is that the meeting headline will be that I threatened her with divorce and I'm so unsupportive and we will glaze over anything else…and I will apologize.
But I still won't and don't feel settled….
Please advise what you think I should do now, and long term, and how would you make the best of this marriage – or if/how you would you get out – and how I help my kid have his best life.
If I don’t reply promptly, it’s because we are still in the midst of this…
Man if my wife were carrying another man’s child I would cut her entirely out before the end of the sentence where she told me. Poor husband. Saint is putting it lightly
I think you're fine one the amount of gifts, personally. But if he feels awkward getting gifts I would take him aside and give them to him a few days before Christmas and say “Hey, I know you feel awkward about getting gifts, but I couldn't help but pick out a few things for you. If you want you can save these and open them with us christmas morning, but if it makes you more comfortable you can open them on your own.” That might make him feel more at ease.
I don’t really agree with you. Especially if that’s been his stance about drugs from the very beginning. OP obviously knew that going into the 4 year long relationship. I think it is a boundary. It’s the same as not wanting weed around your kids or around yourself. Besides weed at her age damages her brain. I’m not saying I’m anti weed ( I’m not ) but I think he’s actually helping her form a better life style.
Some people hate the smell and the second hand smoke. And the smell usually lingers on the smoking. Wether it’s weed or cigs. Besides I think it’s nice that hes always enjoyed her company sober. I had an ex that wouldn’t hang out with ke unless we both smoked a big roll. I didn’t mind at the time as I enjoyed weed but he influenced me to smoke daily. It was nothing I did before the relationship. Now that I’m out of it I realized it wasn’t normal to only want to hang out with your gf high or tipsy. ( he was most likely cheating on me as well which is something I realized after I broke up w him )
Now op can always go hangout with her friends or family for a day or a sleepover to smoke. I don’t think that’s something she’ll need to tell her bc as she’s a grown up and can do what she pleases. But I don’t think her bf is being controlling. It’s him own boundary which should be respecte d
Thank you, no I’m not a mom either. I have a pitbull but no children. So the comment seems so bad to me because it was moms plural and I’m not a mom, so it felt so disrespectful 🙁
Ignore that.
He is the most amazing person I know, he has the biggest heart, the kindest soul and I am lucky to have him.
He is not. Do yourself a favor and lose weight by getting rid of this man.
“qbq” is a good book that teaches how to navigate convos like this (there are multiple versions of the book)
They expect OP to fund their anniversary every year it seems.
I think statically men and women are about equal, women tend to vary less, but men tend to have more outliers like your boyfriend who might be smarter, but there's another guy out there as dumb as a rock as well.
Might not be trying to be sexist, but he might be emotionally autistic. Because for his higher IQ, his EQ is as dumb as a rock to even bring this topic up like this.
You're right. I've never felt emotions as intense as this and she is the first person I would usually turn to for support, but I can't and the thought of losing that hurts so incredibly much…. I can't help myself thinking this could be solved somehow but even if we come back from this I'm terrified we'll not be close as we are now. I an trying to take some “me” time and calm down, think things through and then tell her but it's extremely naked as all I can think about is her and what I should do and I can barely do my college stuff and etc.
This is emotional cheating, at the very least.
I don’t know how you feel about marriage. Perhaps it’s sacred to you; perhaps it’s not. I’m not going to tell you not to try to work through this with her for that reason. But in a very real sense, your marriage is rapidly coming to a close, and you may not have a say in it. There are many people who would not wait around for her to come back.
You’re probably wondering why this happened. Who knows; maybe you were emotionally distant or didn’t provide her the support she wanted. Maybe you did nothing at all. I can’t tell from your post.
The thing is, rather than taking it up with you and trying to solve the problem together, she chose to solve it with somebody else. Thus, the cheating. At that point, the marriage is kind of finished, you know? And if there’s lessons for you to learn, you get to learn them later, because she’s not really taking the effort to help you understand. in a functioning marriage, you work together to solve problems.
I making some assumptions here, so sorry if I’m off-center. That’s the best advice I can give under the circumstances.
Honestly just came to make sure someone said this. Unless he was her first? What sexually active 27yo has never had an STI test?
Plus the no protection thing, good lord… test before becoming intimate, and with every new partner. And have had that conversation 5 months ago! Use protection! Yeah, i know 2 couples in my whole life who actually got married in 5 or less months of meeting who went on to be together for decades and had kids and all, but that's not the norm.
Unless you're able to talk openly and responsibly about sex, the possibility of infections, and the probability of pregnancy when not using protection, you're not responsible enough to be sexually active.
More and more listening to you all amazing people I feel like you’re right thank you for responding
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How is being red pilled bad tho
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Obviously there are attempts to legislate morality, or else people wouldn't confuse the two. What I am talking about is people classifying moral incompatibility as a disagreement on politics, when it's really something much deeper.
Just keep in mind that this is natural in a traditional man / woman dynamic. Men / Fathers tend to want to remain fiscally responsible and save for the family’s future and women / mothers are the ultimate big brain consumers who really strive to create the best home possible. (Obviously this isn’t always the case)
But it’s good to have both. It’s actually a really powerful dynamic.
Lol a couple has an issue, he explains the situation, apologizes and agrees to make changes, and she considers breaking up. lol dating in 2022.
Asking if you orgasmed isn't a weird question. But asking how much money you make is rude.
“So I'd just like some sort of justification how you decided that even getting me a card or a cheap gift was off the table for Christmas, but getting yourself supplies and a model seemed reasonable. I'd like to return your gift and treat myself to something nice.”
You're completely entitled to that conversation.
I'm sorry your partner has decided you have no right to have an opinion on her health and the lifestyle affecting it. I think a partner who is not allowed to speak their mind on any matter is going to choke on that after a time. You should go with the “Honey, since my opinions, thoughts and feelings are so offensive to you that I am not allowed to express them then I am afraid I am going to have to end our relationship” and see where she stands on it. If she can't accept polite criticism given with love and support then maybe it is time to find someone who is closer to your own level of self care.
I say all of this as an overweight man with a morbidly obese partner who I allow to roll over my feelings about her food choices on the exclusive basis that I can't go out to find a new home while Covid is still prevalent . I hope for your sake that you can end your relationship sooner rather than later as it only gets harder the longer you are together. I would like to point out 3 very real possible outcomes to this:
She tells you “Please stay I will accept comments” which may or may not last (if it doesn't then do continue leaving). She watches you leave and either maintains or puts on weight. She watches you leave and works her butt off to get you back or show you she doesn't need you (at least she will be healthy even if you suffer from the loss).
I'm sorry your partner has decided you have no right to have an opinion on her health and the lifestyle affecting it. I think a partner who is not allowed to speak their mind on any matter is going to choke on that after a time. You should go with the “Honey, since my opinions, thoughts and feelings are so offensive to you that I am not allowed to express them then I am afraid I am going to have to end our relationship” and see where she stands on it. If she can't accept polite criticism given with love and support then maybe it is time to find someone who is closer to your own level of self care.
I say all of this as an overweight man with a morbidly obese partner who I allow to roll over my feelings about her food choices on the exclusive basis that I can't go out to find a new home while Covid is still prevalent . I hope for your sake that you can end your relationship sooner rather than later as it only gets harder the longer you are together. I would like to point out 3 very real possible outcomes to this:
She tells you “Please stay I will accept comments” which may or may not last (if it doesn't then do continue leaving). She watches you leave and either maintains or puts on weight. She watches you leave and works her butt off to get you back or show you she doesn't need you (at least she will be healthy even if you suffer from the loss).
you should not be having to convince your significant other not to rape you. it. is. NOT. your. fault.
I’d look more into that aspect, then. It might be affecting your libido and even attraction more than you realize. I haven’t read it myself yet, but the book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski is extremely highly recommended for all women who struggle with sex and libido. I think Dr. Nagoski also has a podcast, or was featured on one.
I'm usually a hardliner about hitting but he was essentially verbally assaulting/abusing you and this is more self defense imo. Legally murky but morally not so much.
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For example I say “you didn't do x I thought you were going to” and he'll say something like “well you didn't do z and that was hurtful too”.
This is a common issue in couples who aren't communicating the best, especially with someone who has trouble taking accountability. From your end, he deflected and put the blame back on you. From his end, you were scolding him and made him feel bad about it (or like you said he has bad accountability issues). It sounds like you have a good grasp on the issue.
Perhaps after he deflects, say “wait a minute. That is changing the subject. We can talk about what I didn't do, but first let's address this.”
Are you asking for an apology or saying things in a scolding way? Perhaps you can tell him next time in advance, “I'm not mad at you and okay that you didn't do it, I am simply bringing it up so it gets done. The dishes are still in the sink.”
It sounds like you have talked about it enough that he's aware you notice him deflecting. Have you emphasized that it makes you feel unheard and confused when he shifts the conversation back to you? I would emphasize that and say you want to go to couples counseling to discuss this topic.
Big ones do hurt. And can make you tear and bleed. I had to break up with a guy because of his monstrous dick. I just couldn't do it. It hurt so much and I'd bleed afterward for days. He's not thinking about this logically.
Sounds like performative bullshit to me. Decide whether this is something you want to deal with. If not, then just withdraw yourself from the entire situation and kiss this relationship goodbye. You're young. You'll have other relationships, hopefully with people that align more closely with your own values.
I use social media but mostly in relation to my cats and cat rescues. I don't post pictures of myself very often and if I had a boyfriend, I sure as hell wouldn't care if he interacted with my posts.
Good choice. Does he talk to her?
Honestly, if he texted her the day before your wedding and she kept it for all those years it means she was feeling superior to you and getting of to that. I hope she’s still miserable.
Also, what does he do to make you feel like you’re the one? And not because you have a good life because you’re you. Texting the day before your wedding is f’cked up and I don’t think I could get over it but I would hate that she got what she wanted and ruined the beautiful life you had but you deserve to be someone’s first choice.
My brother please move on and forget about her and go NC
She lied about when she got off work she lied about where she was at that's a lot of lying
and i really doubt nothing happened in the car and you'll never know the truth because she is such a liar
the fact that she knew you had a fear of cheating and still did this shows she has no respect for you.
It's over the trust is broken and you'll never know if she is ever telling the truth '
It hurts now but be glad the trash took itself out now you can find someone ho actually loves and cherishes you
Is it that you feel she is not as strong or as committed as you are?
Do you feel if she lived you as much as you love her, this wouldn’t ever happen?
Why doesn't she have a 30 day pill container? That would save a lot of time and issues
If I were him I'd leave you
“Going home isn't an option.”
Cuban death squad after you? Going home seems like it should be in contention.
If you want to stay in the States, getting situated should keep you occupied for a while, and then you deal with this like any other break up, with a little extra dose of damn that was dumb.
You live, you learn, you heal, and you'll do better next time.
The unfaithful partner to open relationship pipeline is real. LOTS of couples try to rationalize opening their relationship up once one of them cheats. If it's not the cheater, it's the “victim” (for lack of a better term) because they're trying to convince themselves that their only problem with the initial infidelity is the lack of communication. It softens the blow if you can make it feel like no big deal to yourself.
The fact that you've slept with more people than he has but are still insecure about who he's talking to proves that you're really not okay with him sleeping with other people, you're more-so looking to “get even” with him, that still didn't make you feel better. This can also be determined by your post history. The fact that you're upset that he exchanged nudes with a woman on Snapchat yet you post nudes for anyone to see tells me that it's the lack of control over him that bothered you, not the exchange of illicit photos itself.
Truly not faulting you. But I would have left him back when he committed the infidelity in the first place, this is just masochism.
Oh, agreed.
Yes we’ve never met, several video calls though. I somewhat agree with you, I think I’ve been building him up in my head and I try to make him act like I want him to and then he doesn’t and I get disappointed. I’ve been in and out of brief relationships in real life so I think it has something to do with that
It's still shitty, for sure, but it's not nearly as shitty as leaving them wondering. For example, in cases like this, she was very clear with OP, so at least he immediately knew it was over.
Ghosting can leave you not even knowing if something happened and they can't reach out or even if they're still alive (in extreme cases).
In regards to his actions now it's basically the same. Either way it's over, he has to accept it and move on. But it's a big big difference those first days.
Also so lovely to read. We are certainly at two very different stages of life, which may make the future difficult! But it seems to be working for now. Thank you so much for your thoughtful words!
If your husband actually wanted to grow and face his emotions and where his disappointment comes from, then a skilled therapist can help with that. Even a constructive conversation with a good listener can help him process these emotions and realize that he is being an ass.
If he doesn’t want to grow and actually be your partner in this then you are better off without him.
Have a conversation, ask him why he is so disappointed. Is this a “I’ve always wanted a little boy to do guy stuff with” then there are lots of “wow, that is really sexist” talks you can have. If there is a deeper reason then formal therapy may help.
If he locks you out and refuses to open up about what the hell is going on, then you need to shut him out. I would recommend finding a safe place to stay for a few weeks while you sort out living arrangements. You need support right now and if he isn’t capable of supporting you then he needs to be out of the equation.
Sounds like she was just being nice.
This reaction to OPs comments says a lot more about you than OP tbh. People can objectively say missing a half day of work without bring the business down because they’re in a minor role without “demeaning” them.
OPs gf had plenty of opportunities to say she didn’t want to go, she needed to be at work, whatever she needed, without being a yo-yo of sobbing or neutrality.
And his body is his “fucking body”, he can do whatever he wants to it.
Thank you for the advice! He has mentioned that he understands he’ll need to take on a majority of the bills and he’s fine doing that since it will only be one more year and then I’ll have my own income, I just hate feeling like a burden!
OP, it doesn't even matter at this point if he is doing something inappropriate. Your gut is telling you that you can't trust him. When you don't have trust in a relationship, then the relationship isn't going to last very long. You might as well cut your losses and just move on at this point. Be selective, find someone you feel you can trust. Let him find a girl who doesn't care if he flirts and/or cheats with other people. You deserve to have a life without the stress of worrying about your boyfriend.
and paid nothing to raise affair baby.
Did we read the same post bro?
We dated for a year. I guess we had left off that morning with an open “let’s meet up tonight” vibe that got to me. She said she was pretty tired…
I’m probably overthinking all of it but I guess that coupled with my diagnosis are leaving me a mess rn
He is a cheater that is now cheating on you, he still has a romantic relationship with not-so-ex-girlfriend. It seems you are just the side chick. The rest is just bs. Stay broken up.
Walk the f@@king dog. Sorry I really dislike people like you. Animal abusers.
Yeah that's my thought process. I just don't really view social media (especially instagram) as reality so a like on insta doesn't mean much to me.
Will do ? thanks for the advice.
He likes you lots and lots. Not friend zoned at all.
If you think this was a train wreck to read why don't you try living it ultimately the first step for me was to be done with the situation He made the second step easy which is him moving out because he left I know I'm going to be traumatized by this I'm already traumatized the mental and emotional abuse and the react of abuse automatically guaranteed trauma but I know there's more solutions than just therapy
I have offered this, he said it’d be relieving because he’d be able to blame me for leaving and taking the kids leaving him to live the live he wants but also loves his kids as much as he hates being a parent and can’t imagine a life without them. I’ve offered a judgement-free way out many times. I just want him to be happy and know that I’ll be okay.
As someone with trauma i would never dare to speak in behalf of everyone with trauma. But i do think i can in this case.
Stay the f* away from us
Being school smart and being in academic institutions does bias your world view and experience. You won’t struggle in his works and he yours. Not that deep.
“She denied asking him to come to town but said she would stop talking to him behind my back.”
Translation – “I see that you are onto me, so I'm just going to hide it better.”
Yes absolutely
This is a key point here. Some people literally don't have empathy that allows for understanding how damaging the father's actions were. They don't care. They'll never understand and they're also not worth arguing with.
Your boyfriend sounds like a sex trafficker. He targeted you when you were 16. He’s pushing you to move to US without any support system. Be careful.
It could be funny to make the box casserole and a homemade one of the same type of ingredients and see which one the guests like. Make your own food for the side dishes.
One thing I thought of is that he's eating a lot of extra salt, and that's probably why he likes it.
The issue is if not for the wedding his parents won’t give him the same money. So eventually we will be saving the same
The issue is if not for the wedding his parents won’t give him the same money. So eventually we will be saving the same
I think he believes he's trying to help, but if you wanted or needed the kind of support your family would provide you would have already told them. He doesn't know all the ins and outs of your relationship with your parents so should not be trying to tell you what to do here. Also ultimatums don't really have a place in relationships. I personally am a very private person and would not react well at all to this ultimatum. If I want family to know something I will tell them, no one else can influence or try to force me to tell them things I don't want to because no one else understands the relationship I have with them. I know what I would do in your situation, but the decision on what you do is yours to make, I don't think anyone should have a say in this but you.
I’m not against how it’ll look. I actually think it’ll be cute. I’m mostly just hesitant about the actual process.
I mean, it's been now established that the awkwardness is a good and valid point. Similar goes for the age thing.
I was just talking about the sibling thing. Also… don't punch anyone. It's considered assault. And on Reddit they have a serious anti-violence policy, so telling you'd hurt someone can be seen as glorification of violence.
He is a sexist bigot, that’s why.
Thank you very much for this thoughtful advice
Is this comment a joke?
You're both consenting adults. Go for it.
Yes, tramp stamps send off a certain message.
No, he’s not being controlling by opposing the idea of getting one.
My ex pretended to be different than he really was for almost 6 years, until we moved in together and got engaged… complete 180 for the last 6 years of the relationship, and just kept getting worse
Took me 4 of those to realize that other person never actually existed.
If you aren't keeping the baby you have no reason to tell him but if you are going to. You need to.
As someone that's currently pregnant i knw its a whole lot to deal with and go through.
But as someone that also grew up without a father there is a big difference in not having one because he's a dick and didn't want to be involved. As a single mom you can do ur best to protect that child from that then because it's his choice to not be involved.
But to not tell him and have your child find out later the reason they didn't have a dad that although he is a shitty dude and bf. Might surprise the shit out of everyone involved and been a good dad.
And you never told him about the child… that's setting yourself up for failure and for the world of confusion and resentment from your child.
They worried more about their lives and their careers than him.
They were teenagers
Lmao wtf, is this a troll? Credit to you if so because I genuinely cannot imagine someone as deluded as this actually existing. You rushed into a marriage with someone a decade younger, barely an adult and pressed for kids as soon as she finished education; weren’t there to support her during what seems to have been a pretty tough pregnancy, and pregnancies are tough at the best of times; allowed your mother to be condescending and nasty to her and told her to just deal with it. The pregnancy ends with a tough labour (again, tough at the best of times) that by itself will have left her physically and mentally traumatised. She’s exhausted, recovering from physical trauma, can’t come anymore and has to nag her idiot manchild husband, who’s full of nothing but excuses, into doing his fair share of child raising. Maybe you can resolve this by respecting your wife for a change? Respect her wishes of not wanting to put herself through that hell again, for the likes of you, regardless of much that “disappoints” you, you pathetic fuck.
Nobody cares about age gaps unless the younger person is in their late teens or early 20s.
You’re 30, so you probably won’t experience any pearl clutching. Might want to re-think your whether you want to spend your future with someone who’s slowing down in life and is probably about to run into a bunch of health issues though.
Oh Jesus Christ, this is middle school shit. Run, run fast. Run far. Hey as far away from this kind of crazy as you can and never look back. Holy shit.
Giant bullet dodged.
If he is deleting anything it means there is something to hide. Stop being so nice and ask him directly why he is cheating on you.
Could be a love language problem but that isn’t an excuse for him to be an asshole about something extremely sweet. That man has to go. You deserve better.
Have a proper sit down discussion.
Never do something sexual you aren't comfortable with.
Start with respecting your self. Get your power started. Leave. Start at a woman’s shelter if money is an issue.
If he has anger issues, don't deal with that person and leave him, just that is reason enough to not be together with him.
You got me confused on why you're using his anger issues like an excuse, and for what? Don't tell me you think it is okey he acts out on his anger because he has anger issues?
Stop letting life happen to you, and start being in charge of yourself and your decisions.
You did have a say when your girlfriend moved in, you just didn't say anything.
Now, when you try and say something about cleaning, she shuts you down, to the point you just aren't comfortable in your own home.
If you love your girlfriend and want to save the relationship, you need to be honest with her and give a very short timeline to change:
She has said that the mess she leaves is your problem because she is fine with it, and since you aren't fine with the mess she leaves, then you two shouldn't be living together. If she isn't willing to compromise and take on more of the chores/agree to a higher level of cleanliness, she needs to move out. You need alone time/game time. I get that you can't do it when she wants to sleep- that's a compromise of living together- but that means you should play at other times, and she doesn't get to decide your entire social calendar. If you want to game, you game. So long as you are making plans with her for other days and being a present partner, gaming is totally fine.
Now, think to yourself, if she fixed these two things, would you still want to live with her? The answer might be no, and that means you just need to tell her this isn't working, but you want to save the relationship, so she needs to move out. Sure, this might mean you breakup, but you are likely to breakup if you continue living like this.
Take control of your own life, use your words and stick up for yourself.
Please stop making your girlfriend's unpleasant and/or traumatizing experience in the club all about you and * your feelings*. It's disrespectful and objectifying to her, as well as ridiculously controlling.
Look, either you can hang with the choices she makes as a fully-assed person and adult in her own right, or you can't. If you can, then do what you need to do to get a handle on your jealousy: talk to a therapist, a friend, a religious leader, the Almighty, anyone but her. If you can't, break up. Those are your only choices.
Well, sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander right?? If he’s justified in seeking peace of mind by a paternity test, surely she’s justified in doing the same via spyware or whatever.
See how stupid that sounds? No trust, no relationship.
Should men confront women for having large dildos and vibrators? It is his personal sex toy, and he has chosen to not share he has it with you.
Let the girl orgasm if she wants. If it bothers you… leave the room.
Book yourself a weekend away, just you and your children, tell him on the Thursday night that your away on Friday night through to Sunday. Then every other weekend plan activities to do out of the house, keep telling him you won’t be home to babysit his child. He needs to make arrangements for him to have his visitation days in days he can actually spend time with his child.
Any updates?
Don't think I could hack it with someone that naïve
Yeah, I'm usually in favor of platonic friendships regardless of gender but, uh…
I would not be comfortable with my husband having this kind of emotionally enmeshed friendship when he has already tacitly supported infidelity for “reasons.”
FYI, OP, people who cheat always have a reason, oftentimes one that even seems totally valid, but that doesn't mean it's ok. It's still a betrayal to cheat on someone when you can instead act like an adult, hand mature conversations and break off a failing relationship instead.
+1
Stop thinking about it and focus on the present. No one can help you but you. If she's with you, she wants you. Not them.
Stop thinking about it and focus on the present. No one can help you but you. If she's with you, she wants you. Not them.
This is the fakest thing I've ever read
Quick question, what country are you two based in? Some have stronger health and safety regulations in place than others.
Reddit has a hate boner for cheaters and anyone that has been cheated on gets a pass even when being unreasonable. Like this guy is being..
And i got downvoted too for saying the same thing. What happens if he thinks she cheated. What will he do and how will he react? If he's that bothered by fiction will he get violent when presented in real life? It's scary.. you don't get to gloss over this and just pretend nothing bad could happen.
it sound like you are amping yourself up then psyching yourself up. you shouldn’t force yourself to do it. also what do your boyfriend mean when he said he wasn’t going to wait?
Double standards like this piss me off sm
As someone approaching 30 – I can confidently say I was this ignorant 22 year old.
But thats exactly what it is – ignorance. They are genuinely just extremely insecure and immature.
(Spoiler alert, I only grew because I was single after that)
One child is probably all you will end up getting. Granted she might end up loving your child, or she might end up not loving it and resenting you.
If having loving family with multiple children, I don't think she will give it to you.
He was probably with his wife and didn't want to talk about it.
There's no saving this relationship
That’s good and healthy. In the grand scheme of life, as long needs are being met, it shouldn’t matter. Even when we first got together and she made quite a bit less, I was fine joking incomes when we got married and never questioned spending or made it a thing. Hell, my sister is a stay at home mom because her and her husband wanted five kids. That doesn’t matter to them either.
Not sure how people can expect a healthy marriage when it’s a competition of income or holding g ones income over the other. It’s just bizarre to me that people bother getting married with that mindset.
I'm glad you now have people in your life who are there to hold you up. Wonderful.
He lacked good judgement. Can he learn? You two need to regroup and deal w the crisis at hand first. Then talk about how unwise that move was. Never assume u have a job until a written offer is given. Never
Run like hell.
His ex may be crazy, but he's the real problem if he is blaming the harassment on you!
Your family are awful. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
I lost myself for 13 years. It us plausible he's trying to find himself. Sometimes we get wrapped up in too much, and lose ourselves.
So why doesn’t he dump her then if he doesn’t want to be with her?
Red flag. I’ve had a guy once who apparently filmed me during sex, and had to jump way too many hurdles to get him to remove them. I’m still not sure if he eventually did.
You’re allowed to have boundaries. You’re allowed to not want to do something. If he still does, it’s him choosing his own pleasure over yours, and that’s never okay. A “no” should always be respected.
In the words of Quagmire:
“Hey, I am not a Gigolo! … Okay, I'm a Gigolo.”
Do you know what bein in love does? Lol
I don't remember , when she asked i just told 21 without any hesitation
I think it sounds more like an excuse by you to keep putting off getting your driving permit. What is really behind your reluctance to get it? Is it worth losing a relationship over? If you don’t like being manipulated to do something that an adult should do without manipulation, then be an adult and get your permit. If you are just looking for permission or excuse to break up, then break up. This is two separate issues that you forced into one by your reluctance. You feel manipulated? He probably feels lied to and that you don’t keep your promises. He is probably wondering what else will you say you will do but then not do? Marry him, move with him, have children with him? Stop looking for validation of your point of view and go study for your permit.
Spit in her face and dump her ass.
Says the one who has yet to say anything worthwhile.
The thing about people… a lot can be:
she is an incredible person
And have that wild side to them.
I'd say, if you're enjoying what's going on… keep rolling with it.
Why smother a flame that is working and you two mutually like it? (You're enjoying it, right?).
Saying:
Hey, I don't want to ruin this by sexting too much.
Can cause a withdrawal and actually break something.
Instead, if that is working and you're genuinely enjoying it… keep that thriving (cause its working).
Don't say: I want to remove the fun bits and focus on building a relationship.
Instead say: I want to keep the fun bits, meanwhile adding to our relationship.
Add the layers as you go, don't remove what's not proven to be broken.
At the same time, she supposedly told OP about the baby on August 26th, so she would have to have planned this REALLY well in order to be using him to cover for someone else being the dad (almost impossibly so). Most women aren't going to plan to cheat on somebody and get pregnant by them, so pretend to get pregnant by their boyfriend first.
As such, I'd be more worried there is something wrong with the baby, her, or both.
but you're not throwing a birthday party? You're telling him to do all the organizing. Start your own group chat with his friends that he wants there. Tell them the dates and the location. Tell them everyone is responsible for their own food, bev, and transportation. Ask who plans to attend
It's a camping trip. It should be chill and easy. No one wants regimented cake and games on a camping trip.
The language you use is very telling. It is NOT okay to “allow” an adult to do what they want to do. They are not your child. If you care about the health, happiness and longevity of your marriage, I suggest learning to respect your partner as an equal, perfectly capable of making their own decisions when it comes to their life, especially their profession. You don’t know that he is going to get hurt. He is still young and sometimes people have to learn by experiencing things. You can offer your advice and reason, and you might be right, but ultimately the decision is his to make and you need to respect that. If you don’t like the decisions your partner makes, it isn’t your job to change those decisions, but to question if you’re with the right partner.
I don’t see people as purposeful users right off. I wonder how hot it would be to find a ride to work when it’s a two hour drive~ the price of gas alone. Do you mean an hour there and an hour back? How does she usually get to work?
Before you say anything, ask her to open up her phone and hand it to you. If she refuses and says something about trust, you reply “you mean how you trust me when you check my location when I asked you not to?” Just so you understand there are cheaters who use that feature to make sure they don’t get caught in a compromising position. So asking for her phone may be something you want to do anyway.
If there’s no cheating involved, sit down again and reiterate that you don’t want to be tracked. If she doesn’t agree, CC or more may be necessary.
I have had this very same feeling for 13 years, acted on it, and still going strong. I am not interested. Yes, it gets lonely sometimes (my kids are adults and out of the house – i am 52 now). I do all you do too. But i am also done with the bs. I have nothing to hide. I am not some airhead who sits in front of a mirror putting layers and layers of makeup on my face, ruining my skin, and completely changing the way i actually look, for tik tok likes. (Dont even have an account).
Both my relationships, one 8 years (ex-husband), one 13 years (ex-bf) ended with them cheating (kids with husband, no kids with bf) And i did everything for them and the family/ies Everything.
The stress is not worth it. I am much happier alone.
I am open to friendship. Thats it.
You go girl. The right man will come along. I got your back.