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rosemariee chat
Date: October 20, 2022
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Yeah I guess I know this is the way .. but I can’t see myself doing it . Sadly
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First ever Reddit post and on mobile
I (33f) and my boyfriend (31m) just discovered today that I’m pregnant. We’ve been together for about 8ish months. We have never tried to prevent this from happening and for months he made comments about me being difficult to impregnate leading me to believe he wanted a baby.
We haven’t had the healthiest relationship. Communication is poor on his end and he says it’s because he’d rather talk in person instead of text. But we only see each other on weekends due to distance. When he is around, he always makes sure his phone is in his pocket or facing screen down. When I ask him about it (cuz those are usually red flag behaviors) he insists it’s to keep his screen safe. Between that and the lack of communication, I have had trust issues with him.
I’ve doubted the relationship with him for other reasons such as he very easily loses his temper and will punch/ destroy things. He grabs me by my throat if he gets angry enough. He turns the tables anytime I try to talk to him about his issues and he makes the conversation about me and my past partners and history having traumatized me instead of acknowledging that his own actions are what causes my issues with him.
And today when I told him I’m pregnant and confirmed it with a second pregnancy test, he insisted on abortion. He then told me he supported whatever decision I made, but was still pushing abortion. And then he said he didn’t want to continue the relationship if I chose to keep the baby.
I have 3 kids ages 14, 12, 7. Considering abortion is difficult. I’ve started doing my research on it and possible long term effects and how it may effect any future pregnancies. I’ve read comments on sites from actual people talking about their difficulties trying to conceive down the road after having had abortions. I’ve read about the different types of abortions and I’m Fucking scared!
I haven’t been to a doctor yet to have an ultrasound done to make sure the pregnancy is even viable. It’s not been even 12 hours since finding out. I’ve had more emotional support from my kids than he’s been willing to give!
I understand it’s pretty big news. Life changing news. I just feel like he’s making it more about him than anything else, to the point that apparently if I choose to go through with the pregnancy that he won’t want us to stay together.
I don’t know how else to tell him that I don’t want to make an impulsive decision, I want to make an informed one. Abortion and pregnancy both come with their own risks. I told him to do his own in depth research and not just reading whatever paragraph a Google search pulls up from an article.
We’re both processing the news still, but his stance already seems very much like an ultimatum. I’m deeply hurt and confused because I didn’t do this to myself. I want to consider all my options and choose what’s best for my health and wellbeing. Babies aren’t easy but I feel like the guilt of terminating a pregnancy that in no way whatsoever was attempted to be avoided would mentally destroy me.
This is my first pregnancy that wasn’t met with any type of joy and the abortion topic pushed so hard. I’ve never felt more alone and abandoned in my life. I don’t know if this is just him being in shock or if this is him showing all his true colors. Should I give him time to make his own informed decision? Any advice at all is greatly appreciated!
TLDR/ Boyfriend said he doesn’t want to stay in a relationship with me if I don’t abort his baby that we never tried to prevent
It’s fine to talk goals and timelines but I’d date him when he’s nearby and you each hand your own places. He sounds a bit “line bomb-y” to me.
Hope your day turns around.
It was obviously a joke. If she’s genuinely reacting this way over a normal joke, then you’re dodging a bullet. Honestly though, if she’s leaving you over this, it’s probably not over this. This was an excuse to leave.
I'm glad you asked people before you got crazy deep in this relationship. Friends can be older but since they knew you from so young they shouldn't be partners
Let her go to the concert obviously. Graduations are boring af.
First and foremost, it is important to remember that feeling your emotions in this time is totally acceptable. It's not always easy, but the healthiest thing you can do is acknowledge what you are feeling – no matter how big or small those emotions may be. Talking with your grandfather and spending some quality time with him should also help bring closure amid an incredibly difficult situation. Be sure to tell him all the things that you want to say while there is still time and express any love/gratitude that your heart desires. Seek comfort too through family, friends and also counselors if needed (to have someone safe who can provide emotional support). Lastly, don't forget about yourself during this tough period of mourning – take a break when it gets overwhelming, practice self-care however possible, seek emotional healing activities such as writing down those thoughts/feelings or listening to music…all these will help make the path ahead easier on the long run.
Get rid of him!!!!!! Now!!!!!!
I thought this sounded familiar
No, but it's likely a good sign that he's not satisfied witn his current sex life with OP.
OP do you think your BF is currently satisfied with his sex life?
Why do you have to go?
Mike is 33 fucking years old. If he doesn't understand where he fucked up sleeping with his BEST FRIEND'S new date then I do not blame Sean for wanting nothing more to do with him.
And you describing him as a “horn dog” who can sleep with whoever he wants just makes my skin crawl. Why would you want to continue to be friends with someone who could so easily betray you and your other friend like this? It just proves he's extremely disrespectful and cruel and I bet you'd be singing a different tune if you were dating someone new and he seduced her and slept with her the first time he met her.
And im not saying these girls are 100% innocent either if they have no sense of loyalty to the person who they've been dating. But still.
Mike is 33! You can tell him he's way out of place and seriously hurt Sean and he needs to get help for what you assume is an addiction to sex but he doesn't have to listen to you. Hes 33. If he wants to get help he will. But it sounds like he doesn't give a fuck about what he does and much less how his friends (AND LITERAL BEST FRIEND) feel.
Mike sounds gross.
I bet his time management at work isn't like this.
Whatever his reasoning is, its a sign that he is not boyfriend matterial. Sorry you have had to go through this, but you need to do things:
1) Accept you are unlikely to have closure
2) Accept that the relationship is done
It will be much easier to get on with your life once you have done that.
If he eventually comes crawly back, don't let him back into your life. This kind of shit will just happen again and it will be worse because your lives will be even more intwined.
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This is a recipe for disaster.
Is .. your sister hotter? Not being a dick, honest question
Eyy nice edit, try the MDMA together bro, cuddling will be even better
Hmmm…. Good question.
Touching and being touched feels very good, I did MDMA together with a group of friends, so there was a lot of hugging. I did it in a techno club as well, so many people there were having the same experience, and sometimes would ask if I wanted/needed a hug.I had specifically asked my friends to have an eye on me, in case anything happens.
I'm in a long term relationship, my gf is in therapy and consequently stays away from drugs (for the time being at least), but I talked about it with her beforehand. I did also find out during the trip that a female friend of mine that I've known for years actually used to have a crush on me, so we talked a lot about how happy we both are that we're better off as friends. So I guess there was a lot more emotional openness? I did feel a strong need to hold her hand later on (touching feels good), and she agreed under the condition that we establish boundaries beforehand, to respect my relationship. So I guess platonic handholding and cuddling? My gf didn't mind, and it felt very comforting.
I do have to say that I usually get pretty horny at some point, but at least for me it's not in an animalistic way where I simply wanna have sex with the next-best person. It's still manageable and just dancing is also nice, but if you are in a relationship, discuss boundaries beforehand – or take it together with your gf. Be careful with dosage though, if you take MDMA orally it may need a while to take full effect, after what I've heard about 45 minutes, sometimes more.
In the end, I've only taken it a couple of times so I'm no expert, just found it to be a pleasant experience 😀
Maybe ask around here on Reddit some more, there should be subs dedicated to trip experiences/advice, but I don't know any off the top of my head.
Simple advice here. You need to realize (and it shouldn't be hard) that he doesn't/ didn't care about you. Since he does not, you shouldn't waste any future time crying over the loss of a “loser”
Tell your sister to mind her own business and tend to what's going on under her own roof.
So what’s the problem lol
Tysm for sharing your story I've only had my therapist for a few months and we've had 5 session I'll definitely write my issues down and give it to her!
And Op I would be really worried about your child. Your wife because of her “anti-fat “ might push your child to have very terrible relationship with food. This might lead to your child developing eating disorder. Parents who have used “healthy food” logic have kids with the worst dietary habits as they grow up. Anorexia, bulimia and orthorexia being the most common one. They also develop body dysmorphia in extreme cases.
I just wanted to add that therapy can really help. My spouse will not go to counselling and I have been working with a therapist to help me look at myself and the relationship. It has really helped me, in terms of thinking about what I want to do with the relationship.
Couples therapy can be helpful and might be worth a shot before ending the relationship. Your spouse is human and can change. She just needs to be willing to do so and commit to doing the work. You can make it a pre-condition for moving ahead with marriage.
It may very well be that you should exit the relationship, but I would advise seeing if she will change first. She may be taking advantage of you, but there could also be issues with communication, complacency on her part (especially if it is a learned behavior), or issues that you are not aware of.
Not being willing to go to couples therapy or communicate and address relationship issues is a point where many people decide to end relationships.
Even if he was telling the truth, that it was from a woman months ago and he kept it in case she asked for it back…why hasn’t he just texted her to see if she wants it back? Why have it somewhere in his room where he would see it every day? Not worth it. Move on. I know dating can be intimidating when you haven’t been out there in a while but trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who don’t have random bras hanging in their rooms.
Even if he was telling the truth, that it was from a woman months ago and he kept it in case she asked for it back…why hasn’t he just texted her to see if she wants it back? Why have it somewhere in his room where he would see it every day? Not worth it. Move on. I know dating can be intimidating when you haven’t been out there in a while but trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who don’t have random bras hanging in their rooms.
He’s a really, great guy. I’m very lucky to have him, the support he’s offered me when I have been through some truly despicable events was like the softest and warmest hug. I fought really hard for our relationship to be official when we first got together (that he didn’t want) and now down the track, I feel like maybe he was right. We do have excellent communication in our relationship, I’m super chuffed with it, but the niggling feeling of FOMO for my age and the crushing expectations of his age are kind of butting heads. Thank you for your advice!!
You have no way of knowing such a thing. You are simply projecting your own opinion and feelings.
My ex did this. My opinion is if someone is so depressed that it is harming their relationship, finances, and career, and they’re already in therapy and it’s not doing enough, it’s probably time for an antidepressant. If he’s like my ex and refuses to take one, then you can see where his priorities lie and they’re not with you.
Maybe it is better to do this over a call?
Jesus built my hard rod.
Don't give them the credit, OP could just be astronomically stupid.
You need to go no contact until you've given yourself enough space and time to grieve and begin moving forward.
Block him, and focus on yourself and your life and your other relationships and connections and interests
Yeah when you put it that way… I know how stupid I'm being. Just got to get through today and then I'll have space to think
kept buying her drinks after she was way past reasonable thinking
Yeah, but she put herself in that situation. She chose to go to a place where 99% of guys want to flirt and fuck, she chose to allow flirty contact with that man to start and continue, and she allowed him to buy her drinks.
This is 100% her fault, not his 'predatory' behaviour. The fact they call it that is avoiding responsibility. All cheating starts with allowing boundaries to be breached. She was fully in control and allowed it to go this way.
Where is this going? Are you trying to have a relationship with the pool boy? Seems weird.
oof, you have my sympathies
You think this “sad guy online stalker” act reflects the type of guy that your ex would be interested in?
Js.. as a married woman I'd want to know. So i can kick the shit out of him. Poor woman thinks shes married to a man that isn't a utter AH. Tell her!
I don't watch Unsolved Mysteries for a reason. I can't handle not knowing hahahahaha
I don’t want him to think I’m trying to hard to get him to like me.
Completely understandable. But I want to make a change
Write her a letter. Get it all out. And then burn that bitch like the bridge she burned when she did you wrong. Then you can move on having gotten it all out…
What the hell? Your sister stole your husband, your family condoned it, he whipped her ass and that’s somehow your fault? He cheated on you with your sister, which is pretty indicative of the kind of guy he is, were they expecting him to suddenly grow morals after that? Respectfully, losing your family might be the best thing that ever happened to you, NTA
I’m familiar with the kind of statistical mistake you pointed out, and it’d be screaming obvious to me, too. But when you’re new somewhere (and even when you’re not), there is often a need to present criticism in a gentle, indirect, structured way. Good human relations are, for better or worse, often a prerequisite for good science.
You can probably come back from this if you are careful. In the future, though, maybe approach your manager or the project lead directly to see what channels are best used for this kind of criticism. It needed to be said, but probably with a bit more delicacy.
I would never tolerate my SO dancing with a stranger. I dont care if other people will call me insecure or possessive, I find it extremely disrespectful and inappropriate.
Had she been just dancing with a friend, no issue. But a stranger who tried kissing her, and her not walking away? Unacceptable, and don't let anyone tell you you are overreacting. Your reaction is completely normal!
If your girlfriend doesn't see anything wrong with this, when you talk to her (sober), I would reconsider the relationship.
Just tell her you think it would be overstepping a boundary with your brother and that you are not comfortable with it.
You don’t need this. You are the one who can do better. A lot better.
I get where you are coming from
What consequences?
You are in a horribly dangerous situation. I know well-meaning people are going to tell you “just leave” and yes, you do need to leave but you need to protect yourself.
I’ve known two men who served time in prison on wrongful convictions on account of a woman’s false testimony. Your wife is a loose cannon and her history of violence demonstrates that she is capable of pretty much anything, especially if she does it right in front of your kids. You may find yourself in a situation where you are forced to defend yourself to save your own life and how is that going to be perceived in court? Or, she could actually Jill you or turn her wrath on your kids. You do not have the luxury of sticking around because you love her and want her to change.
You also don’t want your kids to grow up thinking this is okay or “normal” and take it from someone who grew up in a house with domestic violence, this absolutely will traumatize your kids. Damage has been done already. Trauma causes lifelong, life threatening issues that can at least be mitigated if you take action now.
Call an attorney, tell them everything that has been happening and not only file for divorce but make sure you get sole custody of your kids and supervised visitation for the mother. You may have to make a police report in order for this to happen. Don’t give her any heads up as to what you plan to do, you don’t want her to beat you to the punch and change the narrative.
Your kids deserve better and so do you. I wish you the best.
your kid is years away from even being able to tell what clothes and toys are nice or not. what your kid is doing at that age developmentally is absorbing conflict and stress from the adults around them in ways that can contribute to how their brain works permanently. Kids this age aren’t making memories yet, but the type of growth there brain is doing in this time forms the foundation of their mental health and sense of belonging in the world.
The first time it’s not harassment. If it continues when it’s obvious she doesn’t want to talk to her, then yes.
Dear God. Get some self-respect! And therapy.
No, he is not your soul mate. No, he is not the one.
Are you even in a relationship? Because you sound a little unhinged. And he sounds shitty.
Therapy.
You can’t say she can use college kids and ignore the risks of using them. Is a risk a guarantee? No. But she knows no one in that city so it’s not like she can got by recommendations or friend of a friend. She’d be hoping that what they tell her is the truth. There’s services, but I’m guessing a 19 year old can’t use them as they charge more that what the vast majority of 19 year olds make per hour.
Also a college kid who takes night classes because they work full time – wouldn’t have the availability to watch a kid as they have a full time job.
About a week before our date, I told her I wanted to take her to the country club with me for brunch and golf. We were both very aware that it was a date.
Why don’t you just divide up the time sort of more fairly. And if you’re really wise, maybe you can figure out a way to do it at his house when the creepy guy isn’t there. And I would say it just like that I want to start figuring out a way that we can spend time at both places. Whenever I’ve been with people that are so controlled like this it’s never been that great. And they usually haven’t been people. I could feel really safe and settled in with. They’re what I call compartmentalized relationships. A couple of older guys that I’ve dated were like that. As long as it goes in their direction and they’re comfortable with it, they hanging out. But they’re not very sacrificial so they don’t bend when you need them to as well. Just something to keep in mind.
I just updated the post, he pays for most of our expenses and quit the program because of his PTSD. He quit to start therapy and once he's better he has plans to go into computer science
I am sure he is attracted to others but probably you too! That said- he seems to have a lot going on- if you are questioning it- it seems like he isnt meeting your needs. Maybe couples therapy?