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tammylodge chat
Date: October 21, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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That is an unfortunate circumstance that has been brought up by others.
Honestly, bro imo not everything needs to be talked out. Just keep it civil with this guy. He’s laid out the basis for your actual relationship through the wedding invitation. No need to potentially cause arguments or any unnecessary conflict, just keep it stepping.
He got mad about me not wanting to do something that's outside my comfort zone. He said partners need to make these sacrifices for each other
Everyone does better with support and validation. It’s the bread and butter of all successful and fulfilling relationships. If however you’re in relationships where you don’t like the person but stay because you need the support, then that tells me either you don’t have enough positive support in your life in other areas (family, friends, co workers, mentors, bosses) and/or you may have negative self talk tendencies that increase your need for support and validation. Depending on which it is, or both, would determine what would help you most. Do you know which it is, or both?
Bro, what is the point of you posting this on two advice subs if all you’re going to do is defend your own opinion on the matter and tell the people who have different ones why they’re wrong. Unless there’s a history of jealousy or isolation from your friends by your SO, then there’s nothing wrong with her verbalizing her discomfort with the frequency with which you communicate with this one coworker. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you tell yourself to affirm your stance (“she shouldn’t feel this way if she trusts me, I shouldn’t have to end other relationships for no reason, I’ve done nothing to make her feel this way,” etc.), they’re all just reasons of why you would prefer to continue the level with which you communicate with this person over having an adult conversation with your partner and getting to the bottom of why she is feeling this way and reaching a compromise. Because based on your post, it doesn’t seem like she wants you to stop all communication, just to decrease it. And make sure to mention her level of communication with her own coworkers, if she sees anything wrong with that, why, etc.
Yeah, and maybe I'm misreading the situation but the “she dropped everything to help me when I overdrank” is giving me some off vibes about the situation
Did she really not flirt with him at all? Seems invited to me
You need to let this person go
First of all never tell a man how many men you slept with it’s none of their business and it’s judging
Second he’s manipulative and a narcissistic he feeds off people who he can put down
Seek a self confidence Counselor
Nope, I can barely afford gifts for the people I love, people I don’t like got nothing coming.
I wanted to add my story. I didn't realize I was bi until I was 33. A small part of me was dense AF, but other people caught on. I would constantly get asked what my orientation was and I would always just say straight. I thought it would be like something you just know when you are attracted. It was hard for me to understand my own feelings because I just wanted love. After I figured it out, so many actions I did then just made sense. Thankfully it didn't affect my relationship.
They're part of the problem. They enabled, no, raised him to be a shithead narcissist. Probably because they're narcissists themselves.
Leave the situation. This will never improve since he grew up and currently lives in one giant shitty feedback loop. People like this don't have the capacity for introspection. Just get out.
Surely you see the difference? You can unknowingly have an STD. You don't unknowingly cheat.
If a partner said they were a virgin in all forms of sex, I wouldn't demand an STD test. Unless I didn't trust their word of course. When doing STD tests with an experienced partner, I wouldn't even demand to see the result, I'd assume they'd tell the truth. If I couldn't, I'd not have sex and certainly not marry them.
To most people, yeah 4 months is a long time. Way too long IMO especially at a young age, and without having a conversation about it. Have you tried to initiate or ask her if everything’s ok?
If he's anxious with notifications, the app would probably have the same effect on him unless, of course, his anxiety about notifications is linked to the act of opening the text the notification was about. What is it about the notifications that makes him anxious? Would putting his phone on vibration mode help? Or silent mode and he just looks at it periodically, responding to any messages he might find? I think we need more info.
Just talk to him about it as gently as possible. I had the same issue a few years back, and after some communication we figured it out and she got so much better. Communication is key.
You are extremely dense. He said he rejected her advances multiple times and even blocked her. Get a grip.
Just a friendly reminder to anyone wasting their time with this post. OP has been spamming this nonsense for weeks. Pretty sure its one of the regular spams the Vagina spammer drops on this sub every day
Thanks. He doesn’t use dating apps so I have no idea, but entirely possible. Is there any way to salvage the friendship?
Not a good idea – don't do it. Let her live her life.
So your boyfriend wants to move to this country to mooch off the low taxes in red states? Tell him Americans said he can stay where the fuck he came from we don’t like his kind around here.
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Also why are you dating someone whose 30 he's far too old for you
Yeah, she's better at gifts than I am. He's just weird and an ass about it. She paid more than 400$ for both gifts and he complains?
Yeah, she's better at gifts than I am. He's just weird and an ass about it. She paid more than 400$ for both gifts and he complains?
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I've always been skinny/underweight but my boyfriend has struggled with his weight for a long time. When we met he was definitely not overweight, but with COVID he was a few pounds away from obese. I noticed these changes obviously, but I would NEVER tell him that his weight was an issue for me. I wouldn't even make comments saying I like his weight or would accept it no matter what or whatever, because it's something I knew he was insecure about and making comments only brought about these insecurities. All I could do was listen when he brought it up, try to support whatever effort he was putting into weight loss or accepting his body, and express concerns when his insecurities affected his attitude/behaviors. He's a grown ass man, I can't tell him what to eat or when to work out. Eventually, he got a check-up for the first time since before COVID and when he realized how much he weighed he was internally motivated to change. He lost 50 lbs in 6 months by changing his diet and exercising daily. He's happy with his body now and feels healthy. And I'm so happy for him! And I know he did it all for himself and not because someone else told him to!
This is all to say, OP, that I don't think it's your place to make any comments about her weight, even if they are “I'll love you no matter your weight”. Trust me, she knows she's gained weight, she's thinking about it, and I think any comment runs the risk of making her feel even more insecure. I'm glad that for some people it served as a reminder of their partner's love for them, but your girlfriend doesn't seem to want any comments about her weight, so just let it go.
Ask him if it was a date. No matter what he says just reply “oh haha! Just checking ?”
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If he’s so wonderful and the relationship has been great why is the ring so important to you? Maybe you’re the only one who thinks the relationship has been that great? Either way to propose you split up your family over something that isn’t causing any real issues just comes off as you being materialistic and maybe slightly controlling
That's the painful truth. I needed to hear it plainly. The messed up part is I rejected a genuinely nice guy who has shown me interest and a willingness to commit for the guy I'm with now.
You both already know him so this shouldn’t be an issue. It’s the random dudes that worry me.
Dude, you are projecting SO hard.
Yes, HE asked for the sandwich.
She asked what HE wanted and he said a sandwich.
He got home and was expected to have sex with her.
He said no.
She made it all about herself and threw a tantrum.
At the very least, it's childish and controlling.
I think YOU'RE the one who's sexist if you don't see the wrong in her behavior.
She owes him an apology.
And SO DO YOU. Go find it ❤️❤️
or do I take it as a sign of a toxic/unhealthy relationship?
This.
Unless she's actively working to fix this harmful and toxic state she gets into, this won't end and you're stuck on eggshells. There's no romantic way to work around the way she's treating you.
To me, it sounds like she wants to feel like part of the team. You think of the locker room as the place for getting hard. She sees it as the place the team hangs out before, during, and after the game. If she were to go off by herself into a different locker room, she would miss a lot of the strategizing and camaraderie of the team.
If you aren't comfortable with it, that's your choice. You may just not be compatible. But I think it would be good for you to consider that she has valid reasons for doing this.
It sounds like he clearly told you already that its not going to work. Because of your religion and how that would affect his relationship with his parents.
If she is undressing for other guys I know it’s for swimming she is still actively choosing to do it. It doesn’t matter if my SO places down boundaries or not I would never strip hard in front of guys. And who’s to say she hasn’t done the deed with them.
Wow
“Just because you decide you're over it doesn't mean everyone suddenly needs to be cool with your toxic as fuck outbursts. People who value their relationships do not fight like you do. If you act like this arou d other people, you are permanently damaging many if not all your relationships. You cannot treat people like this and expect them to stay in your life.”
This is exactly why I am divorced. Together for 7 years, 2 years owning a home together, still said he felt “rushed” into getting married. Changed his mind a year later. We were both 31. I filed for divorce 4 years into the marriage when my friend found his Tinder account.
Not saying this will happen, but it's more common than people want to admit.
Blonde one wasn’t mine we took a court test
He answered your first question in another comment. Wife left him when she was pregnant.
I was mostly being facetious. She’s too immature to understand the importance of co-parenting.
You need to 1000% get out of that relationship
It seems all so vague somehow. Did you try talking about it with her and letting her know that sort of relationship isn’t something you’d wish to have and you want more equality?
Let her know you’re happy to help until the toddler is easier to manager, but your eventually want to go back to being equal. If not, it’s her decision, but you do not want to be in a romantic relationship with someone that want you as their maid long term.
Also, I just feel like you want to exist the relationship just based on something she said. It seems that you don’t want to fight over this for the sake of the relationship or even discuss it in more detail with her. Why is that? I truly don’t understand why you’d be so ready to leave and why you made your mind up to such an extreme without discussing it with your partner first and even giving ultimatums to see how she reacts?
It makes me so scared to think that my partner would ever be so quick to jump the gun and take such a big decision when I’m pregnant, and not even letting me know about his feelings. I’d feel so blindsided.
So since she was 11?
Sounds like he's a groomer and pedophile.
I would ask your fiance and accept the reply. If he's too conflict averse to say no even though that's what he really wants, watcha gonna do? He's an adult, so to some degree he has to live with the choices he make. If he chooses to say ok even though it's not, he kinda has to learn to on-line with the consequence of that
If he's “only” annoyed by this person's personality, it can't be that bad? Being part of a family usually means learning to get along with people who annoy you. Though, it's a different matter if he's outright rude or similar.
This sounds like hell, especially the unsupporting husband part. It feels like you're fight a solo battle against an army.
Might as well get with the ex since you’re not over him ??♀️ don’t waste this new guy’s time
My dude it’s very obvious
A few things…
1st…it's obvious you don't want to break up with your fiancé. You could negotiate to get her a bigger diamond (a lump of coal..with an over the top marketing campaign) for your 10 year anniversary.
2nd ..you are still young. The salary you make now will not always be that high. As you get older technology changes FAST & you will have difficulty keeping up. IT jobs like many other jobs are cyclic in nature. Have a plan..there will be times when you don't have a job. Jobs in Silicon Valley come with the price of working VERY LONG HOURS
3rd…your girlfriend sounds like she wants to “keep up with the Joneses” i.e. the very over the top wedding. Do you both have the same financial goals? Does she have any financial goals, other than spending money or trying to “Keep up with the Kardashians “?
I would not let someone bully me into making bad financial decisions that could haunt you for years. She sound very immature! Good Luck! I wish you well.
Even if it were “just a guy thing”, which I don’t believe it is, your sensibilities and feelings are always valid for you.
Please try to see your early relationships as opportunities to fine-tune what works for you/what you want, and what doesn’t work for you/what you don’t want.
You really don’t need to settle, you can do so much better.
The question comes down to do you really believe that you can do better?
Do you believe that you deserve better?
Do you believe that someone better would want to be with you?
If any of those answers are no, that’s where you really need to start.
I'm going to need some sources on Europe depending on America for national defence.
I was exactly the same as you OP. At 25 I thought that I was too old for a meaningful relationship. That said, I had a broken marriage behind me and no college degree. When I look back to that time I think ‘wtf was I thinking’ ? You are slap bang in the prime years of your life OP. Set yourself some new goals. Relax and get out there and enjoy it. Good luck.
I'm aware what socialism is. I live in a country with good social welfare.
There is nothing stopping someone from being socialist and religious. Marxism might dislike religion, but socialism doesn't have to, and many religious groups are clearly socialist. (Feeding the poor is a core tenet of many religions).
Communes, co-ops etc all attempted to share resources between people and work together to feed the group. Pretty much textbook socialism.
It says reduced because he took a plea deal to a lesser charge. In this case, he admits guilt to a lesser charge in 3 change for a lower sentence. It avoids a trial where he could be found guilty and get a harsher sentence.
If it says he hit her with a frying pan, he probably did. He did this when he caught her cheating. That’s a bit of an overreaction. You’re only a month into this. You’re in the honeymoon phase.
People who physically abuse their partners don’t typically change.m
I’m sorry to say but if possible I wouldn’t even tell him when your delivering the baby or put him on the birth certificate at this point. Especially if he is only using your child now as a way to get citizenship, your better off acting like he doesn’t exist and try to focus on you and the baby.
I hope this is not real.
She went silent for a minute or two, and when I begged her to talk, she started accusing me of having an incestuous relationship with my sister.
I have tried contacting her but she is not answering my texts and calls.
I think it's best if you didn't call or text her anymore. She's sexualizing caregiving for someone with a disability and accusing you and your father of being sexual predators. This is, to say the least, not normal or healthy in any relationship. There are many potential girlfriends in the world who will not act like this.
This level of jealousy and paranoia will likely only escalate with time. Only you can decide what to do, but I hope you realize you deserve better.
PERFECT
His daughter lives there. The poor kid has already gone through a divorce, he probably doesn’t want her having to go through a move and feeling displaced. She’s already lost her family and now she’s supposed to lose her home that she’s lived in her whole life so that her dad can give it to his new wife and kid.
It sounds like he doesn’t need the money anyway and he’s offering to get a bigger place when you guys outgrow the apartment so none of this is even necessary.
well now i am too !! i used to do it bo-weekly but now y’all are making me feel like I should do it more frequently
Weak men create hard times….Man the fuck up and don't dive heads first into being a fallback option.
Your GF is being jealous and immature. There is nothing wrong with going out to lunch with a coworker. What if your boss is female? Can you not be alone with her? How about her boss, is he a man? Is she never alone with him? I can see this causing your career problems if you let her dictate who you can and cannot have lunch.
Not to mention the way he suggested it is a lot of red flags. “I've been patient enough” is said only by creepy people, especially 3 days in.
I have been staying away and put major boundaries up. Now I want to make sure I am not being naive by getting more relaxed and being “good friends”
Ignore the holier-than-thou comments like you needing therapy for your crazy revenge and bar brawling bitch nonsense. Some people can be so annoyingly judgmental.
I'm stuck on the part where he ordered food just for himself!
Right, and when I put myself in the husband's shoes, or even imagine my boyfriend in the husband's shoes, this would be a complete nonissue. The risk entirely depends on OP being a horrible person who would cheat on her spouse or her spouse being a horrible person who will spiral into mistrust over his wife communicating in a pretty healthy way about her ex reaching out and her conflicted feelings. That's always possible, but you're right that you're not going to convince me that it's inevitable. Not every single person is a cheater or an insecure maniac. That shouldn't be a controversial or naive statement.
Ok, let me spell it out. My point is that it's both unkind and unhelpful to tell OP she has torpedoed her marriage when there's no reason to believe that that's the case.
OP I see you have gotten eaten alive in some of these comments. But if any advice reaches you, I hope it’s the advice to block your ex. I was in a deep pit after my break up a few years ago and the first step out of it was to stop checking in on her. It’s torture.
Hat kinds of things do they discuss in the chat? I guess I'm wondering if it's a big deal or do you just feel slighted.?
I have no idea what these labels mean and urban dictionary has not made it clear either, can someone loop me in?
Following this logic, though: wife stops by co-workers house briefly, Google maps does not update all day, and the watch shows she was at work location. Wouldn’t this mean she was at the co-workers house for a period of time, even if only for a few minutes? And if so, why wouldn’t she tell her husband? Seems sus
I wanted both of my children desperately but I still have moments of “did I make the wrong decision” and moments of feeling trapped, and I went out of my way to have a child both times. Don't get me wrong. I love them. But don't have a baby unless you 100% want them. It aint easy, and they grow up and become little bastards half the time lol. Just be sure that you're doing what you want.
He wants to keep you on hold whilst he goes out to do single person stuff. He doesn’t want the responsibility and commitment of a relationship right now, but he wants to keep you on the line for when he’s finished and ready to settle. Move on and find someone who will actually fight for you, and not bail on plans with you for someone else etc. find someone who isn’t afraid to commit and who actually respects you.
You are… Gross. From your comments and general context, I'm assuming you use religion to justify bigotry and misogyny, but wow what a hypocrite you are.
Basically, you want her to raise your child with her husband and keep banging her. Class act.
You keep saying that if she decides to be with you, you would be over the moon because you're this upstanding guy who truly loves her. Yet, simultaneously claim that it is impossible for her to get divorced so that's not an option.
In order to force her to go with your true first choice, you are going to tell her you could never love her again if she decided to abort her pregnancy.
So her husband is an abusive pos who financially supports her and you are an abusive pos who in no way supports her.
She should get an abortion, a divorce and a new fuck buddy.
It’s an expression you don’t have to be religious to use it.
Go to your graduation then go to the reception. Anyone has a problem tell them to fuck off and mind their own business
Stop having sex with her
You are forcing her into a position where she feels dreadful because she feels she made you do something you didn’t want to, but you told her you did want to, even though you didn’t want to.
Stop having sex. You’re allowed to. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and you’ll need to put that part of your relationship aside for a bit while you work this through.
Work out what you’re ok with – kissing ? Cuddling ? Holding her while she masturbates ? None of the above ? And tell her.
The number 1 Adult Skill, the single most important thing you will ever need to learn, is to communicate honestly with your partners.
Hell you may find that it makes her uncomfortable and that she wants to dial it back as well.
And if she wants to break up over it, then good. You need someone who loves you and has your back no matter what, and she’s not it.
But stop lying to her about how you feel. That’s just awful, for both of you. Be honest with her, and go from there.
You don't know him, you don't even live in the same country not to mention city for you to be able to have ability to spend enough time with him in order to truly know him. You know persona he created for you. Those comments are showing his true and real character. Not to mention you both are 19, what past are you talking about? When he supposedly treated women like they were nothing, a year ago? And where did you learned that about him? Let me guess – he told you that and said that he is treating you differently because he love you. He changed for you. Find someone you will be able to actually know, someone you can spend time with and see how they act in different settings, different situations, in company of different people… And no, three weeks visit isn't enough to truly know someone. You are very young, you have time to find someone. To learn what you want and need in a partner. I'm not going to tell you about how many people thought at 18 or 19 that they were in a very serious relationship with the love of their life and how they see it now after years passed. Just do yourself a favor and find someone you can actually know, not their on-line persona.
Stop pretending anyone is in a relationship with you. At best you are a stalker and the chick doesn’t know you exist. This long winded rambling looks more like mental illness than intelligence.
I wonder how Carol and Ted feel about it? I think they’re all sleeping together…
He
You're 21 just bail
Be grateful that he showed you who he is only 3 years after dating and not make you waste more time. Yes, this is goodbye forever. There's absolutely nothing he can say or do that can ever make what he did, forgettable or forgivable. He belongs in your exes list.
Change two and add three or four others—it’ll kill her to try and determine the necessary corrections.
She is now bawling her eyes out because I wouldn't soothe her because she had a nightmare where I cheated on her. Fml
Oh good god do not “test” your partner. It’s absolute bullshit and manipulative. If you reach the point of paying a stranger to tempt them, do you actually see a way of coming back from that? Truly? Because I don’t see that ending well at all no matter what the person tells you.
It’s understandable to be insecure about it, but it probably really is for the kids. Especially if he contributes anything financially to them right now, which would be gone if he passed. He probably just doesn’t want to leave his kids destitute and giving it to his ex if something should happen to him is more reasonable since they’d likely need the money before they turn a certain age should that extra financial support vanish.
Woah yeah, that poor guy.
Time to have that discussion about boundaries. If you’ve never had it then how’s he supposed to know there’s a difference between watching it together and him watching it alone.
so lemme get this straight.
she has been actively deceiving you and you are wondering if worry is justified?
or in other words, she is lying to your face, you have evidence she’s full of shit, and you’re wondering if you’re in error?
stop allowing yourself to be gaslit.
she is a bullshitter. she has chosen to live by deception.
can’t tell you what to do, but i would suffer kindly DTMFA, block her from your socials, and if anyone asks about her, politely say that you could not trust one that refused to trust you with the truth.
If she was intending to cheat, she wouldn’t have told you about it.
It’s rape by deception. You were not given the ability to consent. The pair of them conspired to rape you three times.
This is an horrific betrayal. I’m usually on the side of reconciliation on this sub but not in this case. I don’t think I’d be able to reestablish any sort of relationship with him or his family. Divorce.
You cant put all your expectations on your friend. This is what a pet or romantic partner is for. Obviously you need to find someone who really enjoys alot of close personal time.
In the long term, you will need to learn to enjoying being with yourself. Pick up some hobbies that you enjoy, sports, games, movies whatever. Even with a romantic partner you won't have them all the time forever.
So make your boundaries actual boundaries.
Tell him you no longer want to be friends for all the reasons that you've listed here, and then stop talking to him.
…It was obviously not planned.
So.. he abandoned you with your first child (apparently it wasn't his fault) and then had two more children with him.
And you think you can fix it with toxic positivity? Toxic positivity is when you pretend that everything is all dandy and great and wonderful when it actually fucking sucks. Toxic positivity is refusing to acknowledge the very real issues going on all around you. Toxic positivity is letting your child's father belittle your child.
I want to be happier. Can anyone give me some insight?
Don't be in relationships with unhappy jerks. Protect your children from unhappy jerks.
Oh I know! Makes me wonder what the friend might have said to these people in order to get them to show up and drag this woman out of her home like that.