I am reconciling with my husband as well and you’re right most people look down on us because we chose to stay and work it out. He has to prove to you that you what he wants you get to decide how that looks but he better shape up or you will need to move on. I truly love my husband and we’re trying to work things out it’s definitely a lot harder when you on-line together my healing ( crying) keeps getting stalled and some days are tough the pain is still so real this just happened and my spouse did it with someone I once called a friend and that hurt even more. I can’t tell you how to reconcile all I can do is try to give you a little advice. I messaged my ex friend thinking she would feel bad for any of it she didn’t. Basically she took no blame still defended my husband and said I deserved it. Maybe you’re experience can be different but I advise against it after all she can still be seeing him and wouldn’t tell you. Does he still take trips away from your apartment that take longer than is normal? Can you check his email or anything that’s how I found out what my husband was doing. I searched the girls name and then searched Zelle and Amazon all kinds of stuff popped up.
Great question! Don’t plan every second of every day with activities. Make sure she has down time and ask what that looks like for her. My husband will often go do something I’m not interested in and I will pick a cozy spot to read or take a nap. I can’t stand when there are too many organized activities in a day. I usually like one planned thing, dinner reservations and I like to rest of the day to be open. Talk to her! Ask her what a good vacation looks like for her and what kind of down or alone time she wants. And don’t be mad if she doesn’t want to do something you want.
Depends on what yall like. Find out if you're a switch or sub or Dom and him as well. I'm a switch. I love being degraded during sex but next time I want to be treated gently and lovingly then the next time I'll be the dom and degrade ? talk about it! Find out yall likes and dislikes. No kink shame!
This is not true. I don't know where you work, but physical holds can not be done as retribution. For anything. So if the bite is over, you don't do a physical hold. If there is imminent danger to self or others then hold. If they have stopped/are safe then no hold.
You don’t get a choice in the matter as a caretaker. If you dont you are at risk of losing your license.
Where would you lose your license for not doing a hold? This sounds like you are not a nurse or other licensed staff that can order an emergency hold.
The best place to make friends is with local hobby groups. If you google “local [insert hobby or sport here] club” you can usually find a few hits. But to answer your other question, you can never go wrong with more friends. The true friends will support you meeting new people, and won’t care how it looks. The one thing I might avoid if I were you is bars, as depression and alcohol don’t mix.
Yeah I know what your meaning. That's why when she said “she wanted to see other people” while we were on the break it was a deal breaker and I said NOPE because just like you said man, It's hard to trust and if your like me trust is naked to earn especially after that. Life does go on I agree and if you dont have a child be glad because it's even harder.
This isn’t even a question. You always 100% break up over this. It’s a reflection of core values and there’s a reason this is a massive source for divorce, fighting, and even domestic abuse.
You do not suddenly pick and choose when you apply your beliefs, they’re inserted into every aspect of your life. Run. Don’t walk.
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From not understanding boundaries I would have expected you to say he was flirting or worse…. From what you're saying is you simply have an issue with him having female friends.
This is your issue and you need to work on that. If you specifically don't trust him, then ultimately your relationship has no future. If you always have issues with boyfriends having female friends, then you need to work on why you feel that way and get past it.
Because dictating who he is friends with is controlling.
It is about trust because he is saying he believes she cheated on him. To me that’s instant divorce. I would never accept that kind of disrespect. I would also question his fidelity as it’s usually cheaters who assume their partners cheat.
On your edit2: that does never happen where I on-line. If that happens in your country then I agree it’s fucked up.
You are going to have to get over it, or end the relationship. Unfortunately its not going to go away.
The good news is, that it was an ex, and you're not competing with them. Also as someone who has a tattoo on their side, he probably doesn't really see it, so its not like on his chest where he will see it every day.
Just think of the ex as any other tattoo artist. They have the same relationship now as an artist. When I see my tattoo I don't think about the artist, i just think- oh yeah i have a tattoo there…
She is divorced and she has a 9 year old daughter she told me after being divorced because of her terrible husband she don’t trust men, she had short relationships after her divorce, and my relationship with her is the most lovely relationship she had, she said her plan was to tell me in her birthday..
Women not trusting men based on statistics is smart.
Men doing the same is also smart. Step into the shoes of a man, and try to see things from our perspective.
It isn't about the manosphere or misogyny – it's about the shared experiences of men. Fathers sharing wisdom, brothers too and friends telling stories about bad experiences.
A man has no say (as its hold be) in terms of pregnancy/abortion. That's power a woman holds over a man. A wise man protects himself from that.
Same way a wise woman protects herself from the “power” of a man.
to piggyback – QUIETLY make plans to leave. Do NOT confront him in person or at least definitely not before you've made your exit and not by yourself. He may not have abused you thus far but ppl like him often lose their shit and become abusive when they feel like they're losing control over their partner
In a proper marriage the money belongs to both partners, regardless of who earned it. The Father is cheating his wife out of their money. I hope OP tells the mother and she leaves his lying cheating ass. What a tool.
Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean you can't go every once in a while. Especially since it's a special occasion. If there is trust, then there really shouldn't be an issue with you going. She has no right to dictate what you can and cannot do.
Thank you! He does have ADHD and that is why I am trying to avoid him feeling attacked. Because he can't help it!
I will bring up a whiteboard or similar, he has stated that if he can't see things laid out in front of him he simply does not think about them. Which I understand!
Yeah, polygraph and dna test are out. Obviously splitting up is far from my mind at the current stage, but the the comment about trust being broken is still fair.
Please consider talking this thru with a therapist. It can be very hot to reconcile that someone we love is in fact abusive, I've been there. It took me years from my first realization to fully accepting the reality and therapy was key in making that change. She never pressured me to do anything, just helped me process my feelings, find my own truth then figure out what I wanted to do and come up with a plan. Having a supportive person in my life who I could be open with was truly lifechanging. I wish you all the best.
Completely agree with everything you said and I do feel as through it’s a “I can fix him” situation. He doesn’t seem like he’s willing to talk about anything bothering me so I’ve considering asking for a short break just to think about what I really want. Communication has always been a big issue between us and it’s pretty important to me. I’ve also realized that I definitely need to get to know my coworker better because their personalities aren’t too different, and I’m starting to think I should consider communication a bigger part of what I find attractive in a person.
Also don’t apologize for helping! I really appreciate the advice; gives lots of room for reflection!
Shouldn’t be talking to an ex that “flirts with him” at all. He obviously shouldn’t be in a relationship and you shouldn’t trust him. Hes going to keep crossing lines with this relationship and he’ll always have an excuse. Going through your partners phone isn’t normal.
They’ve been together 10 months and she cried over the fact that her ex is getting married. Doesn’t have anything to do w her wanted him to propose. You’re dense.
No… that's still not a normal reaction in the situation you're suggesting. Especially in a relationship that's less than a year old. If anything, it's a case of the girlfriend having planned her life out with someone else, and even long after that someone else checked out and left, clinging to that idea. Only for it to finally hit three years later that he wasn't interested and wasn't coming back. It was her own poor decision to start dating again before she had fully accepted that the ex was no longer an option.
Does anyone read for context? She brought up a past reason, not the current reason (“he often says”). She never said he would not bring her there because of financial reasons this time. In fact she says later she was saving up for it so she never intended for him to pay for it.
People who have their lives turned upside down like this scenario are always hysterical, regardless of ultimate reason. Whether the divorce was via cheating, SA, death of a spouse – its a huge change from the last 30 years for her. No matter what the reason shes always gonna be hysterical so you just jumping to SA is a combo of fear mongering and really, really trying to write off the moms almost definite cheating (probably due to your gender camaraderie tbh)
Send HR a fucking email documenting each of these exchanges, and then forward that email and any responses to your personal offsite email. There needs to be a blatant, written record for your lawyer later. There is little chance this job is ever going to be a happy or healthy one for you (or any woman), but there’s a decent chance you might be able to walk with some kickass severance, a settlement, and/or impeccable references. If, on the other hand, you don’t start protecting yourself? These dickwads are going to drag your good name through the mud for shits and giggles, because that’s what shitheads on a power trip DO.
I give you permission to leave the relationship. I know it can be scary to set boundaries and stick to them, but you will eventually be much happier if you do. I'm much older than you and really the only regrets I have in life are the times I wasted not leaving abusive relationships.
That’s true of everyone who cheats… they all have reasons they don’t go. Comfort. Convenience. Ease. Being taken care of. They like the high of cheating.
You dodged a bullet what a child walk away from that man. He sounds like a jerk you don’t want to walk on eggshells through a relationship because he can’t be an adult and deal with losing. Let it go and find someone better.
Sarah has been lying in wait to pay you back for something you did when you were a CHILD.
Pathetic.
Let them go and move on because your dad's a delusional narcissist by allowing his mistress turned wife to act as though their trist didn't effect you…a teenager. Sarah's a fucking loser for harboring resentment against a child even after you made it a point to apologize.
There is no right answer here. At 29 you are both at this weird space of being too young for the current world state to have kids, and pressured to have kids because the clock is ticking. But none of that really matters. What matters is that this child is unexpected, unplanned, and now growing, and that your window to act is dwindling.
Your BF is definitely scared. He was calm and supportive at first, but he is only human. I don’t think him panicking now is at all abnormal, even if it isn’t helping the situation. But it is your body, and your baby. Only you can decide if you can keep it or not.
Him thinking it will go away by him pressuring the relationship isn’t right, and he knows it. But that doesn’t mean abortion isn’t a valid option. You two need to have a SERIOUS discussion about how this is going to go, and by that I mean you need to project how things will go down the line.
If he leaves you and you keep the baby, you’re a single mother and he is paying child support. It doesn’t make either party happy. He’s alone and still funding a kid, who you are supporting atop rent on a single person’s salary. It’s… not great. And if you can online a single parent life style… that’s a naked question to ask yourself. Not being able to be there for your kid because you’re working extra hours. Would your family members help you raise your kid in a way that would mean not hiring a baby sitter? It’s a lot to plan for and honestly? You deserve better.
If you two stay together and keep the baby, it’s not the end of the world but it is a big change. You two SHOULD get married at that point, if nothing else at least on paper so if anything happens to one of you, there’s no question for guardianship. You two can work on deepening your relationship at your own pace, but having a child is big and it’s not about either of you if you do. It’s about what the kid needs to survive.
If you two stay together and abort the baby, what is there to prevent the next one while the two of you sort yourself out? Has he been good about condoms? Are you or were you on birth control? And if not, are the two of you willing to make the changes in your sex life to ensure this doesn’t happen again? Asking you to go on medication so he can go bare isn’t fair for you, especially if you have issues with B/C already. There are other options, but each comes with their own risks, from tubes tied to IUD. Only you two know your current birth control situation, but this needs to be discussed if you are willing to abort.
This is an important extra piece here. But don’t worry about your ability to conceive outside of this. You getting pregnant again is possible, but people will always push you to have kids now while your body is young and your eggs are fresh and it’s honestly often lopped in with scare tactics urging you to freeze your eggs or whatever. If really and truly, you two want kids later and for some reason can’t? Adoption is an option. The foster system is entirely overburdened right now, and there are plenty of kids in the system. For every parent like you who’s thinking to abort or keep it, there is another putting their kid up for foster care because they can’t afford to have it.
I would say the worst option for you here would be to have it only to have to give it up because you can’t afford it, with or without your partner. You’ll be distraught, feeling like a failure and not even having your child, not because you did anything wrong, but because our system is so broken it can happen easily. Please think hot on your options here. They are all serious, and it’s not just both of your lives here. It’s your child’s. If your child is going to be born in a situation that it won’t be able to enjoy a good life? Abortion isn’t a bad option. But if you truly think you can give it a life it deserves, do it. But throwing it into foster care is a disservice.
And no matter what. What you want to do is your decision. He can hate you, leave you. Whatever he wants. But he can’t stop you, and he does have to support you, either with you or financially. Just make sure that you aren’t having this baby purely for yourself. The baby needs to have a good life. It won’t ask to be born. It will resent it if treated badly.
birth control is evil it sucks we market it as like a cure all with no side effects when it clearly does. and we try to push it on younger and younger girls. i currently have a non hormonal iud after being on nexplanon for 4 years and having two babies after the nexplanon, so i’m hoping the iud doesn’t mess with me but i really don’t know lol if anyone has experience good or bad with the copper iud let me know
My father has too much respect for my personal autonomy to want to think he has any right to authorize my own adult choices. And I really love him for that.
You're welcome and good luck.
Leave him
I am reconciling with my husband as well and you’re right most people look down on us because we chose to stay and work it out. He has to prove to you that you what he wants you get to decide how that looks but he better shape up or you will need to move on. I truly love my husband and we’re trying to work things out it’s definitely a lot harder when you on-line together my healing ( crying) keeps getting stalled and some days are tough the pain is still so real this just happened and my spouse did it with someone I once called a friend and that hurt even more. I can’t tell you how to reconcile all I can do is try to give you a little advice. I messaged my ex friend thinking she would feel bad for any of it she didn’t. Basically she took no blame still defended my husband and said I deserved it. Maybe you’re experience can be different but I advise against it after all she can still be seeing him and wouldn’t tell you. Does he still take trips away from your apartment that take longer than is normal? Can you check his email or anything that’s how I found out what my husband was doing. I searched the girls name and then searched Zelle and Amazon all kinds of stuff popped up.
Great question! Don’t plan every second of every day with activities. Make sure she has down time and ask what that looks like for her. My husband will often go do something I’m not interested in and I will pick a cozy spot to read or take a nap. I can’t stand when there are too many organized activities in a day. I usually like one planned thing, dinner reservations and I like to rest of the day to be open. Talk to her! Ask her what a good vacation looks like for her and what kind of down or alone time she wants. And don’t be mad if she doesn’t want to do something you want.
Depends on what yall like. Find out if you're a switch or sub or Dom and him as well. I'm a switch. I love being degraded during sex but next time I want to be treated gently and lovingly then the next time I'll be the dom and degrade ? talk about it! Find out yall likes and dislikes. No kink shame!
Ok thank you for the help
This is not true. I don't know where you work, but physical holds can not be done as retribution. For anything. So if the bite is over, you don't do a physical hold. If there is imminent danger to self or others then hold. If they have stopped/are safe then no hold.
You don’t get a choice in the matter as a caretaker. If you dont you are at risk of losing your license.
Where would you lose your license for not doing a hold? This sounds like you are not a nurse or other licensed staff that can order an emergency hold.
I swear I’ve seen this exact same post a few days ago ?
The best place to make friends is with local hobby groups. If you google “local [insert hobby or sport here] club” you can usually find a few hits. But to answer your other question, you can never go wrong with more friends. The true friends will support you meeting new people, and won’t care how it looks. The one thing I might avoid if I were you is bars, as depression and alcohol don’t mix.
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Yeah I know what your meaning. That's why when she said “she wanted to see other people” while we were on the break it was a deal breaker and I said NOPE because just like you said man, It's hard to trust and if your like me trust is naked to earn especially after that. Life does go on I agree and if you dont have a child be glad because it's even harder.
You mentioned a home, is it yours, can you kick him out?
He wanted to break up with you but didn't want to go through with it. So he got you to break up with him instead
This isn’t even a question. You always 100% break up over this. It’s a reflection of core values and there’s a reason this is a massive source for divorce, fighting, and even domestic abuse.
You do not suddenly pick and choose when you apply your beliefs, they’re inserted into every aspect of your life. Run. Don’t walk.
What the actual fuck?
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He already tried though…. and the fact that she banned the conversation entirely doesn’t exactly open the floor for discussion.
From not understanding boundaries I would have expected you to say he was flirting or worse…. From what you're saying is you simply have an issue with him having female friends.
This is your issue and you need to work on that. If you specifically don't trust him, then ultimately your relationship has no future. If you always have issues with boyfriends having female friends, then you need to work on why you feel that way and get past it.
Because dictating who he is friends with is controlling.
And now you won't be missing out. You can have exciting sex with as many men as you want. That is what you wanted, right?
If I ever did that to my wife all she would have to do is point at his ears. There's your paternity test.
Well, INFO: why did you break up and did you two talk about what you each did during the split? Did either of you see other people?
It is about trust because he is saying he believes she cheated on him. To me that’s instant divorce. I would never accept that kind of disrespect. I would also question his fidelity as it’s usually cheaters who assume their partners cheat.
On your edit2: that does never happen where I on-line. If that happens in your country then I agree it’s fucked up.
You are going to have to get over it, or end the relationship. Unfortunately its not going to go away.
The good news is, that it was an ex, and you're not competing with them. Also as someone who has a tattoo on their side, he probably doesn't really see it, so its not like on his chest where he will see it every day.
Just think of the ex as any other tattoo artist. They have the same relationship now as an artist. When I see my tattoo I don't think about the artist, i just think- oh yeah i have a tattoo there…
There's nothing about being a housewife and having family values. Don't listen to those people, they're toxic.
She is divorced and she has a 9 year old daughter she told me after being divorced because of her terrible husband she don’t trust men, she had short relationships after her divorce, and my relationship with her is the most lovely relationship she had, she said her plan was to tell me in her birthday..
So he is telling you who he is now. If you were the one, you’d be living together.
Women not trusting men based on statistics is smart.
Men doing the same is also smart. Step into the shoes of a man, and try to see things from our perspective.
It isn't about the manosphere or misogyny – it's about the shared experiences of men. Fathers sharing wisdom, brothers too and friends telling stories about bad experiences.
A man has no say (as its hold be) in terms of pregnancy/abortion. That's power a woman holds over a man. A wise man protects himself from that.
Same way a wise woman protects herself from the “power” of a man.
She's cheating on her boyfriend with you & stringing you along
Is this friend normally a predator?
Guilt
to piggyback – QUIETLY make plans to leave. Do NOT confront him in person or at least definitely not before you've made your exit and not by yourself. He may not have abused you thus far but ppl like him often lose their shit and become abusive when they feel like they're losing control over their partner
Dump her rude ass and make sure to explain why. That she beat you in the rude department.
In a proper marriage the money belongs to both partners, regardless of who earned it. The Father is cheating his wife out of their money. I hope OP tells the mother and she leaves his lying cheating ass. What a tool.
Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean you can't go every once in a while. Especially since it's a special occasion. If there is trust, then there really shouldn't be an issue with you going. She has no right to dictate what you can and cannot do.
So if you want to go, then go.
In a lot of places that won’t even rent you a room.
Sounds like he’s not that interested.
Congrats for being open and willing to make sacrifices! I’d give it two months and see how things change.
I suggested we try couple's therapy
Why couples therapy? This is a her problem. She needs her own therapy.
Relationships run into issues. I will sit here and spend hours trying to help couples get through it.
But those are genuine relationship issues.
Some things, such as this… makes me question, why are you still investing in this person? Nothing about this relationship sounds promising.
You ruined this movie for me because you watched it with your ex. Thanks.
That is borderline insanity.
Of course. Be gentle with yourself, be gentle with him, and try to get to the root of the issue. You can figure this out!
So what? Why does it matter that the photo is two weeks old? Maybe he felt good in that picture and was having a day where he wasn’t feeling his best.
It’s not like he sent you a year old pic or tried to cat fish you.
Stop overthinking it
Thank you! He does have ADHD and that is why I am trying to avoid him feeling attacked. Because he can't help it!
I will bring up a whiteboard or similar, he has stated that if he can't see things laid out in front of him he simply does not think about them. Which I understand!
Yeah, polygraph and dna test are out. Obviously splitting up is far from my mind at the current stage, but the the comment about trust being broken is still fair.
Please consider talking this thru with a therapist. It can be very hot to reconcile that someone we love is in fact abusive, I've been there. It took me years from my first realization to fully accepting the reality and therapy was key in making that change. She never pressured me to do anything, just helped me process my feelings, find my own truth then figure out what I wanted to do and come up with a plan. Having a supportive person in my life who I could be open with was truly lifechanging. I wish you all the best.
Completely agree with everything you said and I do feel as through it’s a “I can fix him” situation. He doesn’t seem like he’s willing to talk about anything bothering me so I’ve considering asking for a short break just to think about what I really want. Communication has always been a big issue between us and it’s pretty important to me. I’ve also realized that I definitely need to get to know my coworker better because their personalities aren’t too different, and I’m starting to think I should consider communication a bigger part of what I find attractive in a person.
Also don’t apologize for helping! I really appreciate the advice; gives lots of room for reflection!
Shouldn’t be talking to an ex that “flirts with him” at all. He obviously shouldn’t be in a relationship and you shouldn’t trust him. Hes going to keep crossing lines with this relationship and he’ll always have an excuse. Going through your partners phone isn’t normal.
Getting a dr8vers license is the easiest of the 3. If he's not making any effort to do any of it after a year of promoses he probably won't.
Sounds like he’s doing the right thing. I wouldn’t want with be friends with any of my exs. Just let him be.
Lord you suck as a person
They’ve been together 10 months and she cried over the fact that her ex is getting married. Doesn’t have anything to do w her wanted him to propose. You’re dense.
No… that's still not a normal reaction in the situation you're suggesting. Especially in a relationship that's less than a year old. If anything, it's a case of the girlfriend having planned her life out with someone else, and even long after that someone else checked out and left, clinging to that idea. Only for it to finally hit three years later that he wasn't interested and wasn't coming back. It was her own poor decision to start dating again before she had fully accepted that the ex was no longer an option.
Well, reading your post, obviously, God is a fact. If he can't understand that after this and some more, he can't be very smart.
The embryo cannot consent to being created. That was the first mistake.
Does anyone read for context? She brought up a past reason, not the current reason (“he often says”). She never said he would not bring her there because of financial reasons this time. In fact she says later she was saving up for it so she never intended for him to pay for it.
People who have their lives turned upside down like this scenario are always hysterical, regardless of ultimate reason. Whether the divorce was via cheating, SA, death of a spouse – its a huge change from the last 30 years for her. No matter what the reason shes always gonna be hysterical so you just jumping to SA is a combo of fear mongering and really, really trying to write off the moms almost definite cheating (probably due to your gender camaraderie tbh)
Send HR a fucking email documenting each of these exchanges, and then forward that email and any responses to your personal offsite email. There needs to be a blatant, written record for your lawyer later. There is little chance this job is ever going to be a happy or healthy one for you (or any woman), but there’s a decent chance you might be able to walk with some kickass severance, a settlement, and/or impeccable references. If, on the other hand, you don’t start protecting yourself? These dickwads are going to drag your good name through the mud for shits and giggles, because that’s what shitheads on a power trip DO.
I give you permission to leave the relationship. I know it can be scary to set boundaries and stick to them, but you will eventually be much happier if you do. I'm much older than you and really the only regrets I have in life are the times I wasted not leaving abusive relationships.
That’s true of everyone who cheats… they all have reasons they don’t go. Comfort. Convenience. Ease. Being taken care of. They like the high of cheating.
So basically she gave you the threesome as a way to soften her news of wanting an open marriage? That's all types of deceptive.
You dodged a bullet what a child walk away from that man. He sounds like a jerk you don’t want to walk on eggshells through a relationship because he can’t be an adult and deal with losing. Let it go and find someone better.
Sarah has been lying in wait to pay you back for something you did when you were a CHILD.
Pathetic.
Let them go and move on because your dad's a delusional narcissist by allowing his mistress turned wife to act as though their trist didn't effect you…a teenager. Sarah's a fucking loser for harboring resentment against a child even after you made it a point to apologize.
There is no right answer here. At 29 you are both at this weird space of being too young for the current world state to have kids, and pressured to have kids because the clock is ticking. But none of that really matters. What matters is that this child is unexpected, unplanned, and now growing, and that your window to act is dwindling.
Your BF is definitely scared. He was calm and supportive at first, but he is only human. I don’t think him panicking now is at all abnormal, even if it isn’t helping the situation. But it is your body, and your baby. Only you can decide if you can keep it or not.
Him thinking it will go away by him pressuring the relationship isn’t right, and he knows it. But that doesn’t mean abortion isn’t a valid option. You two need to have a SERIOUS discussion about how this is going to go, and by that I mean you need to project how things will go down the line.
If he leaves you and you keep the baby, you’re a single mother and he is paying child support. It doesn’t make either party happy. He’s alone and still funding a kid, who you are supporting atop rent on a single person’s salary. It’s… not great. And if you can online a single parent life style… that’s a naked question to ask yourself. Not being able to be there for your kid because you’re working extra hours. Would your family members help you raise your kid in a way that would mean not hiring a baby sitter? It’s a lot to plan for and honestly? You deserve better.
If you two stay together and keep the baby, it’s not the end of the world but it is a big change. You two SHOULD get married at that point, if nothing else at least on paper so if anything happens to one of you, there’s no question for guardianship. You two can work on deepening your relationship at your own pace, but having a child is big and it’s not about either of you if you do. It’s about what the kid needs to survive.
If you two stay together and abort the baby, what is there to prevent the next one while the two of you sort yourself out? Has he been good about condoms? Are you or were you on birth control? And if not, are the two of you willing to make the changes in your sex life to ensure this doesn’t happen again? Asking you to go on medication so he can go bare isn’t fair for you, especially if you have issues with B/C already. There are other options, but each comes with their own risks, from tubes tied to IUD. Only you two know your current birth control situation, but this needs to be discussed if you are willing to abort.
This is an important extra piece here. But don’t worry about your ability to conceive outside of this. You getting pregnant again is possible, but people will always push you to have kids now while your body is young and your eggs are fresh and it’s honestly often lopped in with scare tactics urging you to freeze your eggs or whatever. If really and truly, you two want kids later and for some reason can’t? Adoption is an option. The foster system is entirely overburdened right now, and there are plenty of kids in the system. For every parent like you who’s thinking to abort or keep it, there is another putting their kid up for foster care because they can’t afford to have it.
I would say the worst option for you here would be to have it only to have to give it up because you can’t afford it, with or without your partner. You’ll be distraught, feeling like a failure and not even having your child, not because you did anything wrong, but because our system is so broken it can happen easily. Please think hot on your options here. They are all serious, and it’s not just both of your lives here. It’s your child’s. If your child is going to be born in a situation that it won’t be able to enjoy a good life? Abortion isn’t a bad option. But if you truly think you can give it a life it deserves, do it. But throwing it into foster care is a disservice.
And no matter what. What you want to do is your decision. He can hate you, leave you. Whatever he wants. But he can’t stop you, and he does have to support you, either with you or financially. Just make sure that you aren’t having this baby purely for yourself. The baby needs to have a good life. It won’t ask to be born. It will resent it if treated badly.
What the green card bullshit is this. Why are you putting up with so much crap? Are you trying to move to his country?
birth control is evil it sucks we market it as like a cure all with no side effects when it clearly does. and we try to push it on younger and younger girls. i currently have a non hormonal iud after being on nexplanon for 4 years and having two babies after the nexplanon, so i’m hoping the iud doesn’t mess with me but i really don’t know lol if anyone has experience good or bad with the copper iud let me know
She might really benefit from emdr therapy
You don't need strangers to say what you already know bro, ?? sorry bro time to move along ?
He's abusing you.
Could be he's in the closet, maybe in a country / culture/ family where it is unacceptable.
It would be important for him to marry a woman and produce a child, but he finds affection towards a woman, and PIV is distasteful .
Either way, get away from this vile man.
You are worthy of so much more than this.
File for a divorce, your husband deserves better.
Make a list of what needs to be done.
Let him pick what he thinks he can do.
Have HIM put a calender week behind it, when it will be done.
Ask him if he needs your help. If everything is there required to do tgat work.
Then look, if it is done according to his schedule.
If 3 things get late, reconsider if he needs to move out.
Go off Twitter for a month. She’s give up looking
Give her one’
Go anyway.
my spouse tried that, and for a while – I caved. Not anymore. I save up, and off I go for a week…ish.
he doesn't want to be alone with the kids. too bad.
go.
enjoy yourself
My father has too much respect for my personal autonomy to want to think he has any right to authorize my own adult choices. And I really love him for that.
Also don’t forget you went on ONE DATE. what has he brought to your life so far ? Chaos. Frustration. Confusion.
If someone doesn’t make your life better for being in it, drop them immediately. Immediately.
This!