Craig, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're “walking on eggshells,” as you say. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Craig, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
It's not strange to me that you two look similar. Lots of men have a type. You never mentioned how you met maybe that can help clarify. The only thing I would be wondering is if he's told his daughter about her bio mom.
Bruh, all of this is abuse. There are range of shades beyond physical bruises which leave festering wounds and deep scars on the mind, which most of her self talk exhibits. Reread the last paragraph alone it’s tragic.
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Craig, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're “walking on eggshells,” as you say. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Craig, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
It's not strange to me that you two look similar. Lots of men have a type. You never mentioned how you met maybe that can help clarify. The only thing I would be wondering is if he's told his daughter about her bio mom.
Well he certainly fucked around and found out.
Bruh, all of this is abuse. There are range of shades beyond physical bruises which leave festering wounds and deep scars on the mind, which most of her self talk exhibits. Reread the last paragraph alone it’s tragic.