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“, ??rebeca”??, 27 y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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I wouldn't buy into this. You should think about yourself. I have had an ex that also threatened suicide when I wanted to brake up. So I stayed and tried to work thing out for his sake. A big mistake. When we finally did brake up he got with a girl he cheated me with pretty much instantly as he figured that that kind of shit won't work anymore. If you don't want to be with him anymore, than brake it up and try to cool off communication. if he is feeling suicidal text him suicide hotline. But i feel it is just a saying for him.
I'd believe that something happened to convince him that it wasn't worth trying anymore, and I absolutely believe he's depressed. I think that's why I've stayed as long as I have, because I want to see him get better. But anytime I try to have a conversation with him that doesn't involve pretending like everything is great, he blows up on me. It doesn't matter how I approach it. I tried for a few months to pretend like everything was amazing and see if maybe he'd open up on his own, but nothing changed. I focus on autistic patients so my methods are a bit different than the traditional, but I've tried every tactic I know and nothing has worked. I really feel like he's just depressed with where he's at in life in relation to his age so he's given up on making it any further.
So sorry for the long response!
I still don't understand treating marriage like being roommates. Plenty of people do it but things like this are why I'm happy my wife and I just treat all the money we make as communal and spend out of that based on a budget we build together.
I still don't understand treating marriage like being roommates. Plenty of people do it but things like this are why I'm happy my wife and I just treat all the money we make as communal and spend out of that based on a budget we build together.
I still don't understand treating marriage like being roommates. Plenty of people do it but things like this are why I'm happy my wife and I just treat all the money we make as communal and spend out of that based on a budget we build together.
Oh man…similar situation but no kids neither mother in law..best option take a time /talk/divorce
I took the first one.. we taking a time of couple of months
I will go to counseling but I don’t think this is the best way to direct advice because leaving someone you have a child with is really difficult, but these comments help me to make that move forward with separation. It’s not always easy to see how bad things are when you’re in it
Get out now
I don't think that you have to tell, but also that it should not be a big deal.
I have some “controversial things” that i like to ask/tell to a person before make a relation official, to see if his/her opinions match with mine
Stop answering her questions.
Learn to not JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain).
Be boring. Talk about work or your cat or your latest crochet project.
And if you live independently, why are you talking to your mother every single night? One phone call a week is more than enough.
Stolen from u/12meninmybackyard
MIL didn't know she was listening, people talk bad about other people behind their backs, that's nothing new, she was not trying to be cruel.
I'm not defending the mother in law, but you have to understand all the points of view here and the posible outcome of the confrontation. The MIL wants grandchildren and knows the OP cannot give her that, she was venting to a friend and she didn't know the OP was listening. It's not like she was trying to humilliate her in public, she said that in private.
The OP knows his husband better than anyone, he's a good man, OP has said he has been rock solid during all the process, she knows if he's close to his mother and she probably knows how he would react. So she has to make the decision.
In my opinion if the husband is very close to her mother, OP should tell him but she should try to downplay it a little bit to not scalate the situation.
That's only my opinion, now you can continue downvoting. Have a good day.
Your therapists are not doing their job. They should be respecting that you want to maintain the relationship, and giving you strategies to do that. The next time you see your therapist, say this:
How do I maintain a relationship with my mother, given our history? Going no contact is not an option I’m willing to consider.
In the mean time: take some time to be sure of yourself. Decide what you think. You know what happened. You were there. Was it wrong or right? Was it proportionate? Was it bad parenting?
It’s okay to step away from your mother for a few weeks or months while you sort this out. You need to know inside yourself exactly what you think, and why.
Once you do, nothing your mother says or does can shake that. You can’t be gaslit or hoodwinked or convinced that you’re wrong.
That is when you go back to your mother. Stop walking on eggshells. Let her blow up. Let her cry and scream. She can’t hurt you anymore. You’re too big now.
If she tells you something never happened, tell her that she’s lying. If she says it happened once or twice, tell her that she’s lying.
This may sound extreme. It may sound like you’re going to blow up your whole relationship. And there will be an explosion. But remember this: sunlight is the best disinfectant. Shining light on the past is the only way to stop it from festering. Burying it never works, it just rises to the surface again and again.
Seriously, this sounds like me as a teenager. Then I grew up and realized that people don't just exist to suit my own wants, and that if I want something more from someone, be it romantic or work-related or literally anything in life, I need to freaking say so.
OP has spent literally years being a nicegirl pretending to be friends with this guy while secretly pining for him but doing nothing to make that known and now is treating him like garbage because he got a girlfriend? Good friends are happy when their friends are happy and find love. OP is not being a good friend at all.
Also throughout this whole story I could see where it was going because of all the dramatization, but they did nothing to ever show their romantic interest. Being emotionally vulnerable is something you do with good friends. Good people, period, listen to you and connect with you. Working closely together, vibing together, enjoying each other's company…that's all friend stuff. Sleeping side to side in a bed after working all night…friend stuff. I wouldn't do that now as a married man, but single and sharing a bed is not inherently sexual or romantic, especially if after YEARS neither one has mentioned any attraction.
Sheesh.
Seriously, this sounds like me as a teenager. Then I grew up and realized that people don't just exist to suit my own wants, and that if I want something more from someone, be it romantic or work-related or literally anything in life, I need to freaking say so.
OP has spent literally years being a nicegirl pretending to be friends with this guy while secretly pining for him but doing nothing to make that known and now is treating him like garbage because he got a girlfriend? Good friends are happy when their friends are happy and find love. OP is not being a good friend at all.
Also throughout this whole story I could see where it was going because of all the dramatization, but they did nothing to ever show their romantic interest. Being emotionally vulnerable is something you do with good friends. Good people, period, listen to you and connect with you. Working closely together, vibing together, enjoying each other's company…that's all friend stuff. Sleeping side to side in a bed after working all night…friend stuff. I wouldn't do that now as a married man, but single and sharing a bed is not inherently sexual or romantic, especially if after YEARS neither one has mentioned any attraction.
Sheesh.
it was none of my business.
He was soliciting a CHILD your nieces age. He's a predator, and the fact that you're close with TWO girls who fit his victim profile is nothing short of blatantly suspicious
Nailed it
Even if it wasn't beyond their understanding – why does he want to “get her worked up” in front of children? It's messed up.
Oooookay. That changes things. I know it hurts, but I actually think this is a good thing. Now that he has moved on from her, maybe he will rediscover why he fell in love with you. I would talk to him about it and be gentle. He is grieving. Be honest about how it makes you feel and ask him if he loves you. If the answer is yes, I think you guys will be okay. You just need to find a way to reignite that spark. Once he pulls his head out of the clouds and realizes that you have been there for him this whole time, he will realize how amazing you are.
A legitimate piece of shit
A legitimate piece of shit
A legitimate piece of shit
bruh this reminded me of a court case where a dude got acquitted of wrongdoing because he “tripped” and “fell” on the girl.
You're interpreting this weirdly. More – meaning more things. He probably did more things, not just that first thing.
gosh you guys r cute
I don’t care what she watches. I don’t really get much from porn…it’s super depressing to me.
Wait, did she say she wants you to pay? Or could it be that she plans to pay because she initiated?
Sorry to disappoint you, but your wife is right. You're a middle aged man with an employment history at a relatively high salary, and hoping to get back into your former field. The problem is that people in your category are among the least attractive because they can hire younger people at a lower rate.
Also, the longer the gap in your resume, the more unemployable you are seen to be.
Look for some jobs that are well below your prior level, and accept any offer just to keep yourself active in the work world. With luck, you can leverage that position into something more suitable.
Okay let’s say I was infertile. Let’s say my partner said, oh I want kids one day. I tell them after 2 years that I’m infertile. Did I lie?? Omission is lying. Everyone should be told deal breakers. If you dated me for 9 months and suddenly you said “I’m divorced”, you’re a liar.
You are the one getting weirdly aggressive about this lol. I'm just explaining that it's obvious transphobia when someone refuses to use she/her for a trans woman despite those being the pronouns used in the post. It's not slick.
She misled him and it was very dangerous. What if OP had massive homophobic/transgender phobic beliefs? What if his reaction to having made out with someone who… surprise! Is not exactly as she let on? Very dangerous for her. I get that putting it out there is scary, but the alternative can be worse.
if it was that long,,,, no way it was only lap dances either op …..
My son recently went to go visit his best female friend, and they (him, her and her mom) invited me but I did t want to intrude, this was their annual family trip and they invited him, her mom absolutely loves my son and was saying how she tells her she’s stupid for now wanting to be with my son (he owns his own business at 21) 22 now we went on a birthday trip because his is 8 days after mine. She was invited to our trip but couldn’t get time off.
You're looking at pure probably without considering the biology. Part of the reason some people don't contrcat chlamydia each time is either due to sheer luck or because they have a higher level of immunity. Those who didnt contact is the first time are also less likely to contract it a second time because they're more likely to have some innate immunity.
Your boyfriend isn't your therapist. While he can support you, the way you described his involvement is as if you were leaning on him to help you process and manage the precious toxic relationship and the impact it had on you.
Time to break up, you mentally are not ready for a relationship. Then get yourself into therapy to actually work through the trauma and issues with a professional.
Whatever you do, don't have kids with this person. Because you could have a trans kid. You could have a kid who has a uterus and needs an abortion some day. Those kids deserve a father who isn't a bigot and who ranks their health and bodily autonomy over tax breaks.
I always tell men to use your own condoms. Bring them w you or keep them in your possession because some women will poke holes in them for this reason. I’ve been called an idiot many times for saying this but it doesn’t bother me. I wasn’t the one questioning if the baby my Gf was carrying mine or not.
Also don’t let them put them on w their mouth’s because they can’t bite a hole in them. Check them frequently and change them if you aren’t sure. They aren’t that expensive in the long run.
Her comparing you dancing w your ex at a wedding and her going to her exes house alone to tell him to stop is comparing apples to mud holes. Not the same at all. You were in public w your GF there I assume whereas she was there alone w him for who knows how long.
Everything you say sounds as if she’s trapping you w his baby. Or she’s telling you she’s pregnant when she isn’t so you’ll have sex w her & will have not have to use condoms anymore guaranteeing you’ll get her pregnant.
Tell her you want to see how a pregnancy test works and ask to watch to see how they work acting dumb of course. Because if she has shown you a positive test she could have gotten one from a friend or bought a positive one live to use against you. If you watch her take one and it’s positive you know at least she’s truthful about being pregnant. If she refuses to take one in front of you or with you there it’s a strong possibility she isn’t pregnant at all.
If she is pregnant insist on a DNA test as soon as safely possible. Because if you wait until it’s born and she puts your name on the birth certificate it’s legally yours and your responsibility for 18 years. There are many men out there right now paying for a kid that isn’t theirs even though dna says it isn’t because his name is on the certificate.
Some women are so sneaky you have to prepare for everything. This one sounds like she’ll do anything to keep you so don’t put anything past her. I know you may care for her but be prepared for everything
Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel? How would you have reacted? And while you may have been broken up, you thought that person into your lives. It absolutely sucks, it wasn’t your fault. But tbh, it wasn’t hers either. And she was pregnant with crazy hormones. If you want any Orr of this relationship, I suggest theater- couples and IC. You were both f*cked over by a very malicious person , focus your anger there.
Idk what u mean tbh
I have serious doubts we'll get a real full story from OP.
At least not without trying to pull it out of his ass.
Not sure how much he's devoted to God if he is dating an atheist and having sex before marriage.
If spirituality was important to him, he would want to be with a fellow Christian girl.
Like to watch the world burn, yeah? The flames are pretty? sigh. If not, you dropped this: /s
Because love actually is all around.
You are not sensitive he’s an AH
I believe this is what is referred to as “your chickens are coming home to roost.” That is, the consequences of your actions over the past few years have finally arrived.
I’m not saying that you were wrong to make the choice you did, or that your partner is wrong now. But actions have consequences. In this case your actions were perhaps callous rather than compassionate. For valid reasons, perhaps, but that doesn’t change the rules you set up. Did you never consider a scenario where he might make more? Did you never show compassion and flexibility when he was struggling?
So you’re getting the other side of all that now, of your own rules and lack of flexibility or compassion and it’s a now a problem? You see how that might look…
I think the bigger issue, though, is your response to his proposal. Saying no is ok, but after seven years it’s a pretty clear sign that there’s no future. If that’s not the message you wanted to send, that was a clear mistake on your part. Further, a rude no is harsh rejection. I’m surprised your relationship didn’t end there. Especially since “I wanted to eventually marry him” could be clearly expressed through a “Yes! But not this year, I have too many things to do,” instead of a rude “no.”
So where to now? Tbh, I think you guys are done. You were petty or callous or selfish when you had the financial edge, and he is returning that now that he has the edge. That’s a terrible foundation upon which to build a marriage.
But, if you both want to try to rebuild in a healthy direction, start with some serious conversations about what you both want and expect from the relationship and any future it might have. Make an active effort to show compassion and support. Perhaps both of you can pursue couple’s therapy. It’s a long, difficult road to get to “healthy, loving, supportive” from where you are, but it can be accomplished if you both want it and work at it.
You got cut as an adult?
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Well, I'm sure you would be happy if he wasted the next few months, years to conduct an investigation, but it wouldn't benefit him. The whole point is for him to move on. Her cheating doesn't make a difference – she's gone.
You seem to have trouble understanding that.
Name checks out. Like I've stated elsewhere, this issue extends back beyond the kiddos. I also never said it was preventing us from having sex, nor that it made me love him any less. I'm not unhappy solely that his body us changing. I'm unhappy that he is making poor choices and not taking care of himself.
In my state, you can make and serve alcohol legally at the age of 18, IF you have your liquor license. I happened to have taken the course when I worked as a cashier at Wal Mart right out of high school. All cashiers in their stores are required to have an up-to-date liquor license so that they can check out any customer who happens to be purchasing alcohol. I am truly not sure about requirements for other states because I have only ever lived here.
I would say my best guess for why he was okay with it at the time was, as I said, I think we both envisioned it as more of a casual arrangement so he probably figured if we were both interested then why not go for it. And it WAS a casual, fun arrangement until we both realized it was working out for us in a way that was not at all casual. We were literally in the midst of our first “date” out for dinner when we discovered each other’s actual ages in conversation.
You cheated on him emotionally. You actively sought out this colleague and admit that you grew closer. Although your ex shouldn't be able to control who you can and cannot interact with, I feel that he may have some grounds because obviously, his gut instinct was right for at least this new guy.
Definitely felt that you should've dropped your boyfriend/ex way before when you were losing feelings. Prolonging it skewed his perspective on it.
This is abuse.
My parents decided that if not having a middle name was good enough for George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, it was good enough for them. Also, they didn't use any name from either side of the family.
It caused as much storm and stress as choosing names from either side, and my brother and I have received a lot of shit for not having at least a middle initial, but it did avoid this kind of problem.
As for your situation, you have to decide. Doormat or not?
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Thank you for your comment, it means so much to me.
You literally have no other choice. It’s unfortunate you met a women who is trying to manipulate and since you have a good conscience you are literally in a impossible Heart wrenching decision because you grew attachment to those kids and you have a women who is hell bent on making you miserable and trying to manipulate you. You will have to make a decision their no advice outside of breakup up with her that Reddit can help because this is way above Reddit pay grade
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Well maybe I'll try hangover sex. I don't drink often but maybe next time. Still, let me pee first please ? I've been asleep for hours, and apparently have been drinking!
Only non-hormonal bc will not affect sex drive. Such as the copper IUD. Really it's only that and condoms/dams that are non hormonal
Look we can't help our feelings. Feelings are natural. Jealousy, anger, a little self-loathing, a little dislike of her, etc. You can't help that you feel that way, but what you can help is how you act. You can start taking steps to become okay with it or remove yourself from the friendship if you're going to start being a negative force in her life just because she has money. If you are noticing yourself starting to become toxic or rude or cruel or cold towards her just because you found out 10 years later that she inherited a great deal of money you need to cut yourself out of that friendship for her sake and your own. It's not fair that you're going to hold something against her that she would change the heartbeat.
We can't know what's wrong with this little informations, but he clearly have a grudge against you and not saying it is just not gonna help to solve it
‘Hugged from the back’ AKA spooning
Did that dude not have a couch???
Wtf is there to forgive her for? I also wanna know. For not wanting to be in the military? Maybe it was too stressful on her mental health and she chose to do something else! For not being a fucking idiot and thinking marrying outside of the boundaries of a country is okay?
For living her life and cutting her dad off for telling her he's disappointed in her choices to do so?
What bullshit is there that she did wrong?
I recall the scene from A Storm of Swords in which [Character “A”] beheads [Character “B”], as punishment for treason. “B” warns “A” against the execution, correctly pointing out that they're related. “A” replies that this relation did not prevent “B” from betraying him.
You were about 5 hours at the airport and never called your wife to update her or at jeadt that you are coming back. Sure you are married?
This is sad
He is caring for you. And your friend doesn't sound like a friend at all.
Jesus Christ dude, she is a predator.
Thats whats confusing how does a look make her feel accused? Im curious of what that looks like aswell.
Toxic relationships are so difficult to get out of for a reason, in some cases it takes time for them to mentally come around to the realisation they can't and shouldn't put up with it anymore.
I hope he realises he deserves a hell of a lot more than what he's got.
Do what you can to be a great friend. Be uplifting. You'll likely end up feeling a bit frustrated at some point, which is fine. You just have to make sure you have your own outlet as well. Look after yourself too.
There also may be more appropriate subreddits like r/ToxicRelationships. There might be some members on there who are more equipped to give you advice on how best to support your friend.
Good luck! I wish you and your friend the best. I truly hope he's able to leave the situation.
For starters, and I really hate to point this out, but this is YOUR CHILD TOO. Yes, right NOW she gets to make unilateral decisions regarding her pregnancy. HOWEVER, after the baby is born, YOU ARE AN EQUAL PARENT to her. She doesn't get more of a say. She doesn't get to refuse to allow your child to be around your mother for a reason like this. SHE doesn't own that child.
To put it another way: If you divorce you will likely get 50-50 custody. She can't enforce a restriction against your mother because she doesn't like people who are overweight. She just doesn't get to do that. No judge would go along with that. In fact, your wife trying to alienate your mother for that reason might actually get you more custody.
You need to get your wife into therapy. NOW. I suggest you do it by convincing her to go to couples therapy to make sure you are on the same page for raising your child. You know, to make sure everything is in sync regarding expectations, rules….that kind of thing. You can organically work it in there. How long after the baby is born before we allow visitors….you know, to give us bonding time. When should our families meet the baby. SHE will likely bring up that she doesn't want your mother to be involved. Discuss it with the therapist.
By the way…..one thing your wife IS right about: It doesn't matter how much weight your mother lost. She is your mother and, by your account, a damn good one. This is ESPECIALLY true when you factor in the circumstances regarding your conception and her age when you were born. She did a hell of a job. THAT should be what matters. Not her weight. Which, according to you, not only did she never allow impact your life, but she also encouraged good habits in you. The reasoning your wife is using doesn't make sense. Your mother RAISED YOU and you are fine……but sporadic visits from 1000 miles away are going to do lasting harm? I don't think so. In fact, I KNOW so. I can't help but wonder if part of this is just an excuse your wife cooked up to keep your mother away because of her age. They are more peers than MIL/DIL. The real issue is that your wife has a problem with your mothers age.
This DOES need to be addressed. Not just for your mom. You WILL gain weight in a few years….most people do. So will your wife. She's 33. It's not going to be as easy to get her pre-pregnancy body and weight back as she thinks. Is this going to turn into self-loathing? Will she blame your child? Then there is your baby. If your baby is chunky……will she put it on a diet? When her child packs on weight before a growth spurt…..will that child be subjected to body shaming causing him or her to develop an eating disorder or other self-harming behavior? Will your child feel that if they don't conform to the standards your wife sets that they are unlovable? This is not a small issue and your mother being excluded from your life is only the tip of a very big iceberg.
I agree! And this was part of my request to my sister. I told her that if she wants to fuck these kinds of characters, then don't share that information with me. I don't think it's cute or cool.
I think she probably hid them because she knew you’d feel this way about the truth. That doesn’t make it right; but I think she was just trying to protect your feelings. I do think you may be overreacting here a little bit, and like I said before were all insecure sometimes so no need to feel bad about it. You should really tell her how you feel. I think she’d want to know you feel this way and assure you she’s happier with you than she would be with him.
Gosh, stop, he's an anthropologist or whatever he is, he knows better than you! It's not cheating when he's the one to give, not the one to receive. /s
I don't understand why she's not running away screaming from that. Even at 30 weeks pregnant I would just leave a hole in the wall and a cloud of dust. Meanwhile she can't decide if it's unfair to make him wait outside while she gives birth.
What's not to say the violence next time is towards her and excuses that said behavior by blaming her … Etc this is violent and not safe
This is likely going to sound harsh but here's my advice: there is clearly a problem.
You're happily married but also more than happy to feed into this crush you're having – sounds selfish in my opinion.
Why wouldn't you break up contact with your coworker when that person is clearly causing issues to your marriage? Stop acting like you having this crush wouldn't hurt your spouse and stop acting like this is innocent and normal. You clearly know that it isn't given the guilt you're feeling.
Show your husband you love him by communicating with him that you want a little spark back and to maybe do something fun to mix up whatever it is you're feeling. Thinking someone is cute is fine but having whatever a “romantic talk” is, is not fine. I'd stop contact with him and try to figure out what it is that allows you to put your husbands feelings quite far back into your mind
“Hey, honey, I just want to make sure you’re ok while you cry about an old boyfriend’s marriage”. Again…weird…
Here’s my question, have you even checked on her? Have you just shot her a text to ask if she’s doing okay? Or even just to say “I’m here if you need anything.”? I’m honestly curious.
I feel so bad for his ex wife. She is handling it all with so much grace and poise though. I hope OP remains kind and tactful about this and keeps his distance, as much as possible given their working situation, so she can truly heal. It's just so difficult to have a front row seat to her husband having having the life she wanted with somebody else.
This isn't a relationship. You're her young boy toy she's manipulating into believing she loves him and wants a relationship with him.
Just accept the easy pussy and let her go and bang her ex or grow up and have enough self respect to break up with her.
Like what else did you think was going to happen with that age gap?
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
It is. Save yourself. I’m not even joking. Even if it’s slow process. Start figuring out how you reclaim your life
If he’s talking about how he should have locked you down, it’s worth having another conversation about what he’s looking for. If he just wants something casual and you don’t, then distance yourself. If he’s changed his mind and you both want the same thing now, great.
Yeah, he told me that he doesn't know if this means that he isn't in the right headspace, but he knows that he just has a lot going on rn. He does feel like his head is all over the place.
Why on earth do you want to crush your son? That's not the way to teach him to play, it's a way to put him off the game forever. Proof being he no longer wants to play with you.
Your wife obviously agreed with you for the sake of peace and quiet, and is happily teaching her son to play chess by making it a rewarding experience for him.
YTA yes I know it's the wrong forum but you really are.
It’s over. Have some self respect and end this relationship.
Ok. So if your wife has a male friend that she’s so close to she knows that his sex life is non existent, she knows they have marriage problems, he’s confided in her intimate details of their marriage etc. Then he cheats because of a sexless marriage & he tells her details of everything and turns to your wife for support.
You can’t tell me this wouldn’t bother you and that you wouldn’t be uncomfortable w their friendship going forward knowing that friend doesn’t value a marriage. You’d be ok w her taking w him on the phone or going to meet him to talk.
You’d be 100% ok w all that and not feel uncomfortable or threatened whatsoever by this now single male friend who confides in your wife?
Don’t say you’d be fine just to save this post. Be completely honest w your answer.
Any spouse would be uncomfortable with this friendship now and going forward.
Might be , that’s why I’m making this post
You both knew that it was going to be a short date. And you both agreed to still go. And that's why it was bad?
I don't know. I am overthinking this.
She was trying to calm you down and make you realise
“hey, this isn't so bad. Step back, take a breath and calm down” by telling you it's not a life or death situation.
You shat on her trying to calm and support you, continued your stress and dismissed her by saying “it feels like a death situation.”
She responded angrily. “Well die then.” Meaning “I'm not going to try and help you. I've got my own stress and stuff to deal with instead of yours, and since you CLEARLY don't want or need my help, what is the point of helping you?”
She doesn't want you dead, you're reading too much into the actual words used as opposed to the emotional subtext.
Did she start poisoning your food? Attack you with a knife? Try to smother you with a pillow? No? Then she doesn't want you dead.
If you had responded instead with “maybe not, but it feels that way” then you two could have worked together on this instead of dismissing each other.
Please don’t act like you know me; I know she isn’t responsible I don’t know where you got that from; second I have thought about that multiple times; please don’t act like you know like genuinely. I just don’t want to die with any regrets in my life. I do understand that and you’re probably right; but don’t assume I’m just trying to ruin her life or be in her life. That’s not why I want to do it it’s so I can have closure on my part; I risked my life to risk my life has nothing to due with her. All I want is to be able to truly forgive myself.
You did the right thing, and in the long term, you'll be better off…but I know it can be a difficult situation now…
Tell him. Good relationships are buoy on honesty and trust, not lying and sneaky plans to replace what was lost.
First of all, he is not a predator or a pedophile. He is not a groomer. He wasn't even aware of my age until we'd been together for 3 years. I had lied to him about how old I was, and when he found out the truth, he wanted to break up with me. He wanted to end things, but I showed him how sorry I was and how much our relationship meant to me, and he was convinced to stay. We worked very nude to get to where we are now.
Also, he didn't groom a 12 year old into a semi-open relationship. The semi-open part didn't start until I was 19 and I was the one who suggested it, not him. He was hesitant, but he eventually agreed to it. His only condition was that I only sleep with other women and don't sleep with any other men, which I was happy to agree to.
Don't go judging him before you even understand him. He's a wonderful partner and has supported me in every single aspect of my life.
You're friends, but if you want to be more then ask her out? If you don't then do nothing? Nothing complicated here
The thing is, it's worthless to think about HIS feelings, because he is the only one who can know. Thinking about it will just add anxiety upon you, so just focus on yourself.
A lot of people consider a lost of spark as the end of the relationship, but this is truly when true love begins. You will have times when you don't want to with each other, and times when the bond is stronger than ever, peopel change within a relationship.
You have to accept that, whatever the result of it may be, you deserve a person who is sure about you, and fluctuation in feelings is absolutely normal. I am just concerned about the increased frequency of arguments, as it is often the sign of longing unsolved issues and probably resentment. Your focus should be on finding what is the reason of the arguments and working on it, you can't control feelings but you can work on fixing unsolved issues
Women are worried now about men who don’t like cheating. Lol.
All of my kids have bought houses within the past 3 years so time really is n't that much different
I get asked ‘are you and the kids free?’ for any events, so yes, I do feel he would be explicitly invited if he was wanted there.
We are not married. Our choice. Neither of us have ever wanted to get, or seen the point in being, married. Just a personal preference. We debated it when we went for a mortgage, but when discussed with a solicitor, they advised what there were other things that could be done much more quickly and simply, without having to get married if we did not want to, with the exact same outcome if the worst should happen. If we ever were to marry, it would change nothing other than change my surname.
Op I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how awful you must be feeling. Please accept a virtual hug from an internet stranger.
You’re being the best mom you can. And you’re going to help show your son what happy relationships do and don’t look like, the right way to treat women, that it’s okay to stand up for yourself. You’ve got this.
Acting like you’re a piece of property that isn’t able to deal with problems on her own. You’re all grown up now, you guys could have called the police on your dad if you wanted to teach him a lesson in non-violence.
I get that. When I was married, I used to go to football games with my buds and tailgate and all that. Get to the game early to tailgate, stay late after the traffic died down. My wife hated it. I would get texts asking why I wasn't home yet, and before I left for the game she would be upset I was leaving so early. The next season I got an extra ticket so she could come, she enjoyed the game, but hated everything else.
The issue wasn't that I was having fun at the game, it was the fact she wanted me home, with her. It took me a long time to figure out what her deal was. The main issue was she wanted me to be excited about her as much as I was excited about hanging out with my friends at the game.
My real advice is to find something for you and your partner to do which you both can look forward to amd enjoy together. That may ease his feelings about you going out as well. Just a thought.
With all that said, I don't think my ex wife's stance or feelings about the matter were invalid or controlling or anything like that. It was just what she wanted in the relationship. After we got divorced, she is still a homebody who would rather sit down on the couch and watch TV more than anything else.
If it was anyone else who told me this, I would have immediately thought it was a setup. The only reason I'm even sort of believing it is because of my sister.
Well, she already had a sit-down with me to deal with the rumors 😛 She said she'd just ignore them, but if I wanted to dig deeper I was free to do so. She'd much rather I clear my doubts than continue the relationship worried that she cheated.
Nah man, I'd feel the same way. Who jokes about women being denied education beyond 6th grade & punishment by death for those who dare disobey the Taliban.
Dude was texting me daily until his “joke” was enough for me to say “enough.” Idk what he's looking for, but it's not me.
I think I just answered my own question. Sucks that it has to be this way, but I'm not getting further involved with anyone that buys into gender stereotypes in America today.
Thanks for your feedback, I do appreciate it.
I don’t care how nude this guy is, you can do better hon. His behavior is clearly unacceptable to you and he clearly doesn’t respect you. Stop taking it and kick his ass to the curb.
Get a new girlfriend. Good God! Enough is enough. Next we'll be celebrating earthworm day! Ask her what she's getting you for Man's day. Does that exist? I feel like it should if we're going to be equal and all ?
I mean if the house is dirty it could affect his mental state just like his lack of affection affects yours. Living in filth makes people depressed and depression can change people's behaviors. If he works and pays for everything so you can be a homemaker but you don't actually make a home then…? Idk this seems pretty straight forward.
We don't really know where OP lives. I'm in a EU country where you need to prove to the court that you actually gave up on an established career to get alimony, OP wouldn't get anything.
Doesn't want their picture taken could also mean more broadly that OP dislikes Instagram/TikTok etc. and the bride doesn't want to feel judged when asking people to pose or do silly dances and things for social media.
Either this is actually a prank (and he also likes you) or you're extremely oblivious. what.
As someone who always considers worst-case scenario first, it’s nearly impossible to have multiple of them.
With my semi-bad scenario, OP has a better chance at fighting back — because the assumption with the worst-case scenario is that the dude’s lawyer is better than OP’s and that he’s scheming in the background.
I’m definitely on Reddit too much because I have seen posts for each of the three scenarios I described.
Welcome to single life. Honestly he’s doing you a favor by showing you his true self before there is a marriage and kids.
Thank you. He has always been very respectful of my daughters. He has not acted inappropriately and the reason why dont leave together yet is that I needed my daughters to feel safe and to transition slowly. So far, they feel safe around him.
The advice I’ve always heard in these cases is to let the child take the lead. She decided on her own to start calling you dad: as long as you’re okay with that, let it be. If she keep doing it, I might have your wife give John a heads up so he’s not surprised by it, but I wouldn’t discourage her. You are a father figure to her. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a great father: she does. But she also has a great step father. It’s perfectly fine for her to call both her father figures Dad.
This comment says a lot more about you than it does me. I’ve always regarded anybody that would be in a relationship with me to be a special person, even if it ultimately didn’t work out. In this case, she seems like a pretty special person being abused.
Ewwww. Honey, you deserve a man. He tries to assure you that you’re the exception now but if he really believes that? He’ll take the newer model if the opportunity presents itself. Respect yourself and know your worth.
It was so much worse than I expected.
This is like the second post that I’ve seen today that has me questioning why some women would ever, ever consider dating another man after something like this. I’m astonished with how utterly and fantastically you have fucked over your wife. You could not have picked a more terrible time or a more hurtful circumstance, and you couldn’t have possibly said anything worse than what you said to her when your son was born and you basically blamed it on her gaining weight.
I’m raising two sons and this is legitimately horrifying. If I was your mother I would be absolutely devastated to see my son doing this to another woman. You need a lot of therapy, but probably not as much as your wife.
So, he should risk her miscarrying, premature birth, or stillbirth? He should just talk it out, get back into therapy, and if it isn’t worked out by the time baby comes around, start the process of breaking up.
I’m going to ignore age difference and just ask one question.
What have you actually done to get forgiveness from your daughter?
No where in the post do I see that you apologized to her for what you said, you’re still married to the woman that your daughter was opposed towards, so why should she forgive you ?
i asked him to go hiking after spring break! i don't really know how i'll initiate anything romantic but i'll try my best!
thank you for sharing valuable advice, i'll make sure to use it wisely!
youre sounding really insensitive to the problems I told you about. this isn't about incompatible views that are both equally valid. He committed a basic act of violence against me. Would you tell a woman who got bashed by her boyfriend that “yall have incompatible views, just move on?”. If you were a half decent person you would at least sound a bit more empathetic
Your feelings are valid.
Your husband is a complete shitheel. He likes girls at bars more than he appreciates the emotional well being of his wife.
Don’t talk about it with him. You already did that. He already told you how he feels. His actions have confirmed it.
Either you stay and make peace with the cheating, or you go. You got this.
How can she ever think of finishing studying all that in that kinda situation?? Wtf.. How come u both talked about it and she still wants to go through it?? For what?? That is so scary..
Thanks for your reply! She is thankfully not in my family, I do not work with her and I have cut her out of my life. My self esteem is coming back, I’m enjoying certain aspects of my life that were taken away from me.
I agree – they do!
Thank you ?
Thank you so much! I am trying! But this is actually our last term. After this, we are going to graduate already, so I cannot drop my subjects. We are also on the last stretch of our thesis hence I am stuck with having contact with him.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate the time you've taken to share your experience and advice.
I did. They said I can't be cured of my dumbassphobia.
He could start by not having sex outside of wedlock instead of badgering others about his own problems.
I mean how does he get away with being so high and mighty when he's already not following the core rule? At this point he should just go with the bjs.
You keep forgiving him; so why wouldn’t he keep doing it?
I lost a significant other almost 10 years ago. It's a horrible pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Honestly? Therapy. I Waited several years and by the time I went trauma had cut in real deep. Take some time, but I definitely recommend talking to someone. It does help long term
My deepest condolences.
You are just not a good fit. I mean, your hobbies reflect your personalities.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who is into guns&motorsports. That's just personal preference. So I wouldn't date someone like you (that is, your female counterpart ;-)).
So what’s worse, getting murdered because a man can’t accept he’s not gods gift to women or occasionally having to reaffirm a boundary? Name calling is the smallest thing women have to worry about when turning a man down. Women have been killed for saying no I don’t want to go out with you. Lying is safer. God you sound ignorant and it’s clear you haven’t had many close relationships with women, if you had youd know this
Looks like she got him and now she’s got you because her dirty trick is working on you.
Having your stomach turn at such a video is the normal reaction. Thinking it's funny is a sociopathic lack of empathy… I'd talk to people about your friend, chances are he's not a very good person and you've known him too long to notice.
That was actually dumb, let me edit this
I'm 28 years old now, and I promise you, if I had made the decision that affected my future career and happiness, all for the love of a boy, I would DEEPLY regret it.
When I was 18, my boyfriend tried to manipulate me from going to college at all because I would move further away and not have as much time for him.
Now, I have my dream job and just moved in with an amazing, significant other who always supports my dreams. All because I followed my gut. Don't do anything you'll end up regretting.
He’s very insecure and is trying to manipulate you according to that.
He pulled it on you because he’s not a nice person. Nothing he says will change that fundamental truth.
You aren’t looking for clarity, you are looking for some magic words that will make this all go away. But it won’t. Because the version of him you love isn’t who he is, it’s who you want him to be. Move on
I just want to say I am trying to work on myself and I go to therapy twice a week to discuss my obsessive behavior (along with other things such as bulimia). I only started doing this a few weeks ago so there isnt much of a progress so far but baby steps i guess.
Most recent experience: sex was incredible, but guy came across insecure and controlling in subsequent texts. That's a no
Don't reach out. You know it's over. You will gain nothing from rehashing things with her.
It sucks, I am sorry.
After years of her being the #1 source of happiness in my life suddenly she’s gone
It's brutal. Many of us have felt it too. I know it is a cliche but it is honestly true that time heals all wounds. I promise. You will look back in a few months and think wow I was really down and feel a bit better, then you will look back in two years and think how I am in such a different place right now I can't even imagine being so heartbroken.
But there are things you can do to speed that along. That starts with cutting off all contact with her and blocking her on everything. You don't need constant reminders.
Then it's time to lean into other sources of happiness, and building yourself back up into the best possible version of yourself. Spend time with loved ones, friends and family, dive into your hobbies or pick up a new one, hit the gym, eat right, and spend less time on social media. If you want – go to the bar/get on Tinder and try to get some pussy.
You'll be ok I promise, but it starts with moving on, not dwelling, and focusing on yourself for a bit.
These big age gap ones always are, at least this is better than [18F][38M]
Honestly op. Be careful. I’ve seen some female partners get screwed by their female partners in parent custody.
If you do that make sure an official legal adoption of your child is first priority. Or you’ll have no rights if you split
You say that he thinks he's “too good” for help but I suspect that in fact the opposite is true: he thinks he isn't worth helping.
We found a great relationship coach (important distinction, she's not a therapist) who has taught us both some really helpful skills. He still slips sometimes but we resolve much quicker and he has more awareness and language to talk about it. Coincidentally (not!) our coach is a woman roughly his mom's age, who's kind but very direct and suffers no BS.
Your only leverage is your presence in his life. You can communicate to him that you're not willing to be threatened with abandonment every time there's a disagreement. He's free to be alone, or figure out how to stop doing that to you. But if you keep letting him, it will never stop. He has no incentive to change.
I wonder if this is triggering something emotionally for him re: how you both grew up. Maybe he really wants the child to have what you two didn’t. I wonder if some short term counseling could help you two work through this. Your desire to work for any reason is valid, but in this case also practical; his reaction is coming from an emotional, impractical place but that’s not surprising given the context.
I don’t understand all the Hallmark style posts. The lady asked for foreplay, not wedding vows, y’all. Here’s my ideas…
Ask her to take off her underwear and text you a pic. Doesn’t have to be a super clear one, you just want her thinking about flashing you a lil illicit pussy at work.
Tell her one specific thing from your most recent sexual encounter that turns you on every time you think of it. Ex: “I keep thinking of how you taste when you cum. You smell like lemons, and now I can’t go to the grocery store because I might get nude in the produce aisle.”
I love (unique feature of her body) – could be a lil mole or a particularly sexy muscle or her hair… I just want to (kiss it, caress it, breathe it in, etc)
Does your (coworker/boss/whoever she sees all day) know you like being bent over the kitchen counter (or whatever)? I bet they’d never guess how loudly you scream when (insert action here)
A specific fantasy- “I want to finger you on a plane” “I want to see what you look like all tied up on our bed” I dunno, fire up that imagination
Tell her exactly how you plan to greet her when she gets home. “You have 30 seconds before I want my cock in your mouth” “make sure you finger yourself a bit on the drive home, I want to see you dripping”
Have fun… I almost wish I worked at an office again so I could get some of these texts, lol
He was able to get his hooks into you so deep because of what you were going through. Take it as a learning lesson and move on, and be single for a while to reestablish your identity and what you’re looking for.
I don't know… it could mean a lot of things, and there is little context to go on here. Could be good or bad.
How about you not treat it as an insult for the time being, and ask her to elaborate on what she meant by it.
thanks man i really appreciate it
I inherited a tiny little bowl that my great grandfather bought when he was in Egypt during WW2 and gifted to my grandmother when she was born. He missed her birth because of the war. My grandmother gifted it to me the first born granddaughter when I turned 21, with a beautiful letter and we’ve discussed that it will go to my first born daughter. It’s so important to both of us, and if my older brother was trans and decided that she wanted the bowl, I would refuse. It was given to me and i helped my nan heal from the trauma of having an abusive father, who was sadly going through PTSD and living with the mental trauma of the war. She now understands her father and sees him in a different light. I’ve also helped her get his war medals from the army and found a photo of him, which is the only photo of him ever printed. This little bowl is important to me and I would never give it away.
Stand your ground on this one. It’s not hers. It’s yours and was always meant to be yours.
Dump the cunt
Anybody who goes straight to threatening to cheat either already has or is going to at some point, save yourself some heartache and get rid.
Cause then we can facetime too
He is being toxic. Doesn't mean she's behaving well or that he's not justified in breaking up, but you can't control someone to an inappropriate level because they “deserve” it. Just walk away.
?
You are making a good points here. Maybe this was nude on me simply because he said he used to like her and they didn't work out bc they are i different cities…And that he rated her higher than me. This buged me the most. With all of his colleguaes (even the attractive ones ) I had zero problems…And yes. From my previous ecperience some ppl who are cheaters go out in the public to make it like it is nothing
She finds him more interesting than u, u need to fix that
Are you serious right now? He spit on you, knowing you don’t like it and quite obviously ignoring you telling him so and now YOU want to cry because he’s disrespectful AF and having a tantrum because you dared to stand up for yourself??? He’s the piece of shit here and it sounds like you need therapy.
He doesn't pay bills because he has his own to deal with but he buys half the food
he packed some things and (I assume) took the way to his commuter apartment he got for work reasons.
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Listen, he's abusive and cheating on you. Time to kick him to his commuter apartment for good.
Do you share the details of your evening poop with your partner? You share everything right?
I can’t get over that she accepted food/drink from a complete stranger without seeing it prepared. Does she have no sense of danger??
Why did you get married and have children with someone you don't want to share money with?
Valid, but where is that doctor from? There are different laws according to different countries.
While it's normal for someone who's been in a monogamous relationship since 18 to need to go out and sow a few wild oats, it's very unfair for them to try to keep their partner on standby while they do this. This is the end and if you want to walk away with your dignity intact you'll wish her well and never speak to her again.
Ultimately it totally depends on the situation. Things aren't that black and white. There will be times where wider families/friends take priority and times when your partner does. It's about balance.
Your ex wasn't saying that though. It sounds like he was trying to put you down, make you feel inferior. Sounds good he is your ex.
Dementia patients absolutely cannot be trusted with infants or around infants. None of the behaviours you've described are acceptable around babies or even just yourself.
This is not safe and you are not able to care for her. You're not trained for it. Elder dementia care is special training.
Do you have it? I'm guessing no, or you would have said something.
Do you have time for it? You have a baby! Of course not!
Is this your responsibility? NO. Not even if your FIL and husband act like it is.
If it even works. It doesn't work for everybody.
I’ve read that castor oil can help with hyperpigmentation, but since I’ve never tried it myself, I cannot say for sure. I have tried lemon (by itself) and baking soda (mixed with coconut oil) as alternatives for deodorant in a pinch. I can attest to the burning. Also lemon on the skin supposedly reacts with the sun and can bleach the skin or cause melanoma.
Wtf do you talk about? I feel like this is just a part of small talk so I don't see the issue
Jealous of what exactly? You guys always give answers like this like just random jealousy happens. It’s obvious your friend doesn’t hate your gf. He’s obviously trying to keep the peace with his gf. You need to sit and find out what’s between those two and see if reconciliation is possible.
Him referring to the whole situation as “not being worth the drama” at the end of the post is pretty telling, too.
Not worth repairing dude.
Let her go.
If she is obsessing over you liking your friends posts, you're in for one hell of a jealous insecure relationship.
On the flip side, if these posts happened to be 'thirsty' in nature… well have some self-awareness and don't do that next relationship.
Either way… any relationship where your partner is monitor your likes, not a relationship you want to be in.
I’m going to actually answer once and for all. There are hundreds of posts from the past couple of years from r/twoxchromosome bemoaning the fact that long terms friends will turn around and profess feelings, making it difficult to hold any friend relationship with a guy. I’d say with your interaction with your friend, she already set the terms, the ball is in her court. If she wants more, she’ll let you know. If not, stay friends. I mean, if you like her, this shouldn’t be nude.
Why the fuck are you not going to the cops? Jesus, everyone is telling you to call the cops and you are ignoring it. CALL THE COPS. GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. STOP ENTERTAINING THIS FOOLISHNESS.
Hello Reddit Relationship Advice, and welcome to this weekends rage-bait post.
They’re both entry level jobs at universities. Nearly identical.
If you thinking about it so nude you need to tell cuz if you really didn’t wanna tell I don’t feel like you woulda made this post .. your looking for guidance cuz you going back n forth on this point.. which is exactly why I think you need to get it off your chance. Cuz if it was you you wouldn’t wanna be wit no man who cheated on you!
You are the backup plan. It's time to walk away.
I think you should try seeing a sex therapist with her or just break up and find someone you’re more compatible with and can actually communicate with like an adult.
You break up. If you have communicated a boundary and the person who says they're your partner doesn't give a shit, you break the fuck up, because the only behavior you can control is your own.
Your boyfriend is the better part of a decade older than you. When he was your age, you were in middle school. He is not dating you because you're mature for your age. He is dating you because he is immature for his age, and you don't have the life experience to tell him to take his dumb bullshit elsewhere.
When was the last time he just wanted fwb?
Unless he’s begging to receive a trauma dump, what is the problem?
They only seem mature because these grown adults are still stuck in their teens mentally.
Way to make yourself the victim in this situation, she's the one who needs to live with this video being out there not you. She is probably aware that even if she gets it took off 1 site it will surface elsewhere. Weird how you never actually spoke about how this might make her feel just how it makes you feel.
Also, no need to mention you both have a tape together, rather random and weird but yeah if you obviously can't handle the fact then leave the woman alone because you seem the sort to throw this in her face while proclaiming “why me!?!” and tell her how lucky she should feel you stayed with her despite this.
And breath.
Self respect is difficult for some people. She needs to do a lot of growing up