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Golden Ticket Show In Progress. Tip 50 to join the show
Date: October 26, 2022
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We broke up twice. Once four months ago. That was him. And i broke up with him about a month ago. Both times he came back and apologised for his actions
That’s not what I’m saying.
I am so sorry this is happening to both of you.
The closest person in my life outside blood relatives was someone with bipolar. For years, it worked super well; I'm autistic, so the joke was that their emotions didn't make sense but I couldn't read them anyway.
Then, lockdown happened. Overnight, I went from being their best friend in the world to someone they'd rather never see. It was hard, as we were roommates and it was lockdown, so we were always together except when I was at work. It got to the point where I'd come home and just hear the door slam as they closed it to make sure I didn't try to make conversation. They wouldn't even make eye contact. Sometimes if they were watching TV and I asked to join in, they'd say ok. Other times, they'd tell me to leave. Even watching a television show next to me was not acceptable to them. Meanwhile, I could hear them live all the time making friends and having a great time. At this point, they were not working or attending virtual college despite options. Eventually, the only times they spoke to me was to tell me about how wonderful this guy or that guy online was. And they told me they'd be leaving the country as soon as our lease was up to move in with one of these people. To say I was lonely was an understatement.
It was a year before I was done waiting for this manic/depressive swing to end. It wasn't the mental illness that drove me away, it was the fact that when I told them that the way they were treating me was unacceptable, they told me that this was their mental illness and I should just wait it out like their parents do and eventually they'll want to be close to me again. They had no desire for therapy, or meds, or anything, and thought I should just accept that this would be our lives sometimes. I realized I had one life to online, and I didn't want to spend it with someone who didn't see anything wrong with treating me this way. Mental illness is one thing when you are taking literally any steps to address it, it's something else when you expect everyone else to just take abuse. When I told them that even if they didn't leave after the lease was up, I was, they decided I was a selfish monster.
I was sort of lucky, in that this person had parents with money who would never let them starve so I didn't have to worry (too much) about their safety once I was gone. But I can tell you what it took me a very painful year to learn: Even if your loved one “comes back” . . . what then? Will they take the steps to make sure this doesn't happen again? Or will you spend the rest of your life worried that this will start all over?
It's been about two years. I live alone with a new kitten. I haven't made any friends as close as that person was to me, and I probably never will. And yet, I am infinitely happier, more confident, and more secure in my place in the world. It was worth it.
I hope this helps you in some way.