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play boobs and fuck [Multi Goal]
Date: October 26, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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Bitch he almost did SA w/you ? why you want him dumb bitch
At 29 the four times a day thing isn't going to hold up. That's a late teen early 20s sort of thing. Once a day though if the enthusiasm is there. At least through the 30s and early forties.
You might try watching some porn with him. A lot of couples do it. I don't. But maybe I/we should try it.
I've been with my wife 12 years. After about 10 years I thought well rather than trying to focus on all the other women out there and rather than thinking about the various ways in which my wife is not perfect, rather than that, I thought to myself: why don't you just focus on getting her off.
Things have gotten extremely randy since then. In our 12th year the sex is better than in our first. Not by a little. By a whole lot. I gave up judging her and started making love to her.
I know y'all don't want to think about it but we're both close to collecting social security.
Michael being gay has zero relevance.
Facts: OP has a good wholesome day with an old pal. BF becomes so enraged with jealousy that he packs a bag and leaves, accusing OP of having an affair.
If Michael had been heterosexual, what exactly is different? Nothing. Either BF trusts OP or BF doesn’t. This is on BF, not OP. Not Michael.
um ……nothing will happen, she didn’t do anything wrong. i have done the same many times when my neighbor won’t shut up. your problem is with you and stop taking it out on her
Nope.
You're right. I hate that I make him feel this way. I have to leave him alone. Thank you for reminding me that.
You make less money so he values and respects you less. This is awful for you and you seem cool w it.
How can I help her. I have tried to tell her and plead with her but I get rebuffed each time. The one time we did do therapy she pushed it make me to be the one that was in need. Sure it helped but I really did it too see if she would commit and of course not. After a few sessions we had a trip to Disney world with our daughter and in the hotel room she blew up in a similar way.
Yes! If it’s an iPhone you should be able to hit edit and then it should say show recently deleted. Not many people know that this was added in the recent update
It's only TWO months and she finds you/the relationship boring…
Move on to someone who actually likes you and finds you interesting.
Her acting like an asshole is understandable given her difficult situation. Not an excuse – just an explanation.
You being hurt and/or not engaging with or supporting her is also understandable because you too are a human with feelings.
Of course he's the problem.
Nothing
get him therapy. Video game addiction is a bad thing also just go out, meet with friends, maybe ask him for a break or plainly if it wokt get better, just leave this relationship
stingy people will always be stingy and as long as you care the relationship is doomed
You should consider not getting him anything. It sounds like that's what he really wants, and you're tearing yourself up worrying about it.
You may not be financially compatiable…
Is she is like this while in debt and saving for a house, its not going to get better.
I once broke up with a guy on Christmas morning – don’t waste another second of your life or his in an unhappy relationship. Waiting until after Christmas may produce an awkward but pleasant enough Christmas for him, but it will still be a tumultuous Christmas for you regardless of when you break it off.
It doesn't sound like you guys like each other any more.
And you were right not to escalate the situation.
Think about this, would he have confessed if you haven't found out? You would have gone clueless when he would have not only emotionally but physically cheated as well.
Okay then, what about the next time you have problems. Are you confident enough that he will not do this again?
Leave him.
I don't understand the question!
Do as your sister requested, she most likely wouldn’t except a gift from you for the child anyway.
Your feelings are valid. However, I question the whole relationship. You seem genuinely committed but your BF does not. I think it's time to question the whole thing. You do not get to see him on days that matter to you. There are days you are even banned from asking him to hang out.
It sounds like you are around for just when he has nothing else to do. You are worth more than that.
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She raised your husband, so she raised a man capable of hitting his spouse, which is not a stretch when she's willing to hit her own grandchild.
Oh blow that shit up, I’m a fan of this approach vs everyone playing nice to save feelings. Just be sure it’s true is the only stipulation.
Block her. I am glad you moved on. He is the older one but the one playing games still.
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No no no you are not ready for it and he’s not even letting you have the pick with a guy as a fantasy yourself. Which is selfish when he can’t do the same with a female. So personal experience I lost a best friend and her relationship ended after I had one. The main reason was the female reaction to how the threesome was her seeing him with another woman broke her and it broke relationships and tbh it’s not worth that. Maybe with a stranger but personally from experience I had a ex boyfriend ask me for one and I asked the same thing you did to add a male for me. It was a straight no then I thought no i don’t want to do it and if I’m not good enough the door is that way. We can’t do things for the sake of keeping our man happy when we feel uncomfortable with it
I second this!
Am I respective I would say yeah if she wanted first of all I'm on the point if my woman satisfied and I'm satisfied but if she don't want to satisfy me then why should I satisfy her it's got to be first somewhere somebody got to meet in the middle so on this why please him if he don't want to give you what you want it's only fair my woman was down then I want to know what she damn for I would like to know her freakiness but that's a whole another subject piece up
Oh honey…. This is 100% not a good person… he’s legitimately taking advantage of the fact that if he asks you enough, he knows you’ll give him what he wants to please him. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you. Someone who cared about you and LOVED you would never force you to do something you didn’t want to do. At this point, he really just seems like he’s preying on you and has been for a while… Especially after he knows what you’ve been through and still insisted on having his way because it made HIM feel good…. You are worth more than that. You are more than just a wet hole. You are a person with feelings and fears just like anyone else… And you deserve so much better….
He's not your friend. I'm sorry. I did date and marry my best friend, and he would never EVER talk to me like that!!!! I could make out with and tease the poor man until his balls are blue and purple and he would never sink that low. I was in an abusive relationship(marriage) before him, and even when I get triggered at random, innocent stuff that he does and absolutely FLIP THE FUCK OUT…. he is still gentle and supportive. Your boyfriend is a piece of shit who is more like the abusive husband that I left than the wonderful man I am married to now. Ghost the fuck out of him. You don't even have to tell him what's up, why it's over. He's just going to try to flip it on you and make you feel guilty. Just ghost. It will be emotionally more healthy for you to just decide to walk away and let it go in that manner anyways. He's already undone so much of your healing. Also, more therapy, specifically with someone who specializes in PTSD from sexual trauma. Please take care of yourself love. I would give you the biggest hug right now if I could. You deserve so much better than what you've received.
Commenting here to say that she's not alone. I have some unresolved traumas too. But I'm still virgin at 21. It's too tight, I might experience the same pain as her when I finally have sex.
This sounds like the worst boyfriend ever. Do yourself a favour and leave him he doesn’t deserve you
Your actions were… well… choices.
At work, I became really close with Sean (21M), as we spent a lot of time together…
Sean said some things that made me feel really appreciated and “important”. We talked everyday at work, we both stayed long after the shift was finished to keep the other company, when we didn't meet at work we texted each other…
However, my friend changed their mind one day when they actually saw us together all day long and they said that he probably has a huge crush on me, and they asked if I also felt the same, and I denied. But it was a lie…
But I have these feelings for Sean
You're a cheater. You did your boyfriend dirty.
At least have some decency to take some responsibility for your shitty actions.
I’m so sick of these awful age gap relationships. So many dumb girls being treated like shit by awful men.
Wtf did I just read? Why are you intentionally censoring so many words? Are you sure you’re 24 and not 14?
My maternal grandmother has blue, my maternal grandfather has green. My paternal grandfather had blue, and my paternal grandmother had blue. Going back to the great-grandparents, maternal they were brown, blue, blue and blue. Paternal they were blue, blue, green and blue. (I've met all of my great-grandparents)
With my sons, my oldest son's dad has brown, our son also has brown. My youngest son's dad has dark blue, our son has the palest blue eyes I've ever seen.
I honestly just want to scream.
The bar is in hell. How fucking entitled and delusional is HE that he's trying to convince her she's petty for being grossed the fuck out.
I'd be disgusted and PISSED if my partner didn't give a shit about giving me worms. What a selfish piece of shit.
I guarantee this isn't the only time he's put his wants over her health or needs.
His behavior is disgusting. HE is disgusting.
You two have been married 4 years and together presumably longer. His previous cheating doesn’t explain this behavior if it’s new. Has he been this jealous always or just since you got pregnant?
“BUT HE'S SO AMAZING EXCEPT FOR JUST THIS ONE LITTLE THING AND A COUPLE OTHERS!”
Your buddy is a scumbag imo, but I don’t think she did anything wrong. It’s really can you trust her still, if so you’re kosher, if not it’s over.
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Yes have a conversation with your dad , let him know what's going on with both your brother and your mum , let him know how uncomfortable this behaviour makes you and if he can help with you moving out sooner
I'm sure he knows or just presumes about his wife and figures if I'm not sexing with her then whatever but he may care more about you and if this is hurting you then it may inspire some action.
Get a test if it’s a issue. That’s the only logical solution to your fears
One more thing to be aware of though, theres also been cases of the actual birth mother showing as not having the same DNA but then they find out she has some special rare condition where she really has 2 different DNA’s inside her. The child really was hers, but genetically the daughter took the secondary DNA that isnt shown on moms DNA tests.
Its been years since i read the story so i dont have the exact details and probably said some things wrong, but its wild to think that you can give birth to a kid, theyre 100% from you and nobody else, but because of a rare DNA Quirk theyre born and are 0% related to you
My daughter is a carbon copy of her dad. My son looks like he's straight out of Ireland, and nothing like us. It happens sometimes, all the recessive genes just unite
This is fake, isn't it? In the USA, OP's entire generation of women has surpassed their men, now outnumbering them in college 3 to 2. For this so-called BF to be unaware of this, he'd have to have been raised by the Taliban.
I mean, a USD200 pair, for a kid his age, seem a bit “sus” to offer to your brother's GF. The brother is fully wrong to treat OP like that, but I agree it's pretty weird his brother has ulterior motives.
Meh, not quite. If you're living at home and earning a $15/hr minimum wage, $200 aint a whole lot, and this is the “season of giving”. Still just a frikken pair of sneakers, and OP's boyfriend's behavior might just turn his concerns into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she fucked him. wants to fuck him. or is planning to fuck him.
just get out now.
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Great advice on how to waste your 30s.
It won’t work, I’m in same situation and two kids later I can’t leave now.
Sometimes a little pettiness goes a long f****** way
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Glad someone asking the important questions.
OP is being such a moron to try and stay w this gross predator man. Wtf is wrong w her. He is groveling? She is THAT gullible?! He is obviously using her and doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. What a really stupid and risky thing this man does. Get him out of academics he is freaking GROSS. I have constantly been sexually harassed by men like him in college and in my career and I'm so sick of it. Can u imagine wanting to stay in a relationship w such a creepy person?!
5 letters: leave.
He's hoisting that glaring neon red flag high
Your bf giving you silent treatment over this? What a way to tell you he’s insecure and communication-challenged.
Now he says you can’t go to his family’s Christmas party?
F that. Pull a power move, dump him, and get that family Christmas food as the brothers date.
It sounds like he just wants you to leave him alone about bring back together
He doesn't love or care about you. You're just a living sex doll to him. He's not someone you build a life with. You deserve better. There are men who will actually care about you and will not pull this immature shit. Find a man your age. I'm close to his age and wouldn't date someone like that. No woman my age would.
It's rape. No matter how you look at it, it's rape. The second you do not consent it is rape. He sees you as an object.
Dude just move on.
you def drank too much and too fast.
Wise advice. Hopefully you listen to yourself.
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I'd be pissed Even though my postings are harmless
I would be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, had she not reacted in this way. It’s extremely suspicious.
Test
I was merely giving an example of why a person would turn off location services after learning their partner is keeping close tabs on them. I'm not implying that the woman in question is innocent. She's clearly somebody else's girlfriend now.
Noooo way! Another age gap couple where the dude is controlling and disparaging and the girl is more than willing to overlook glaring red flags??! Headline news at 11.
Honey, your prefrontal cortex isn’t even developed yet. Don’t let this guy inaccurately mansplain Science to you.
Tell her to leave and move out, she is using you for security and a place to live!!! Take away her security and her place to lay her head . Tell her to pack and leave and get an eviction order if necessary. Don't play her games and don't let her manipulate and control the situation and relationship.
Horrifying. Sand has lost all innocence
Do us all a favor and don’t ever have kids ffs lmfao
If she's depressed, but doesn't confide or want consolation from you and asked for a break and says she won't come back that's her breaking up with you.
Go find someone else
If he didn't give it to her, who did?
I’m 36, never really got into video games. Maybe go find Man that doesn’t play video games
So, my friend drinks and smokes. But does not drink and smoke. I only drink, but normally DD, so usually I'm just out with my friends.
He didn't drink and smoke regularly because this is the past and smoking was not quite yet legal. But we had parties for things, birthdays, whatever back to back weekends. Both times he did something out of character that he regretted.
We were all cool about it. But he was mortified. He was calling/texting people. Asking hey, was I inappropriate in anyway towards you? And apologizing for his behavior.
It's been almost a decade. He still drinks and still smokes. But only does one or the other. Not both on a get together.
Not excusing the friend, Dave. But Maria can say, hey Dave this can't happen again. They've been friends for a decade if this is a legit mistake on Dave partying too hard he'll apologize.
If he's being terrible he will just continue to become terrible and Maria can end the friendship.
This dude is unstable. The swings from “I love you” to ignoring for days at a time are giant red flags. Pay attention to them.
It could have been a false positive too, did he say if he had symptoms?
don't give any of it. sorry bro, but you gotta move on
Did you ask her why she's pissed about you going on a trip to India?
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In case you need someone to say it: you don’t have to live! like this. You can decide that this is not the life you want, because being with someone who is considerate is the bare fucking minimum. Therefore, it’s perfectly reasonable to move on.
0 brain cells
Literally no other way to catch it. It is a sexually transmitted infection.
Nope, bad idea. He wants it more than you. IMO, it's not going to bring you excitement or even spice things up, it is for him to bang another woman in front of you and not be cheating. Ask him if you get to have a MMF 3some, I would be shocked if he agrees to that, if he won't then he doesn't get his 3some. Also if he already has someone picked out for this 3some, he's probably already cheating.
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After she said she was gay. On a drive somewhere she mentioned “if she wasn’t gay, I’d be her bf” she was messing with my head. Why would she say that if she wasn’t “stringing me along”? Remember I don’t mind if she is or isn’t gay, I don’t have a problem with it, I can accept it, if the person isn’t lying or manipulating me, basically, show true Color’s and I’d accept otherwise I can’t see their good intentions if they lie too much, it gets confusing and a hassle to be her friend even.
Compared to a 20yro? Yeah. It is. Gross.
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Absolutely.
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“He is setting that as his standard.”
Boi, byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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I am shitting and pissing my pants right now.
i would pay a lot for some of that right now
No.
Support your BF, otherwise stay out of it.
If she’s the one who suggested the break, why is it on you to reach out when you think it’s time to get back together? Serious question. That’s confusing to me. Is there something she’s asked you to work on about yourself during this break? Feels like the “we were both just stressed and she doesn’t want us to see each other 24/7” thing isn’t the whole story. Either she’s not telling you something or you’re not telling us
Dump that lying ho
I say leave it alone and distance yourself. Say she likes you back but you’re poly and don’t seem willing to give up your poly relationship and the poly lifestyle. Don’t turn this woman’s life upside down when you’ll never be able to give her what she needs.
Your abortion had nothing to do with your current boyfriend and you don’t owe him anything.
Telling you he has to re-evaluate his feelings about your decision is telling you that he doesn’t think you deserve the right to make decisions about your own body. It’s misogynistic. How would he feel if someone took his rights away?
First, you’ve only been together for 4 months. That’s way too soon to get married. You barely know each other.
Second, he’s showing very troubling behavior. This is a sample of what’s to come if you do marry him. Your abortion was traumatic. He knows grad. Throwing it in your face when it wasn’t his business is wrong.
Finally, you shouldn’t have to give him time to decide if you’re good enough. The fact that he thinks he has the right to do this to you shows you that he doesn’t respect your right to make choices about your own body.
Don’t wait for Jim to decide if it’s ok for him to judge you. Don’t marry someone who treats you as less than. You deserve better!
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INFO: Can we get more info on “(mostly friends and coworkers) are telling me she is trying to trap me into having a baby”? This is a huge accusation to make with no backup?
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Thank you for your advice, I appreciate how reasonable it is, I’ll take it on board, it’s really thoughtful and communicating my intention in this situation would’ve been very wise, thanks a lot.
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I can’t tbh I just don’t want to, the things where I get messed up is just losing my favorite person. I don’t wanna lose cuz I never felt comfort with anyone else I been with.
She is 36 trying to have a kid with u, she is crazy and clearly manipulative run the fuck aqay
What can i say the ass was fat
Do nothing that’s almost feels like you are going to say something to him hoping he comes back. You have no reason to say anything to him about it you’re hardly even dating.
Yes, it would be wrong. Simple as that!
Reasons, reasons, … She has a SO and you do be getting in the way. If she IS flirting with you, and has a SO, you don’t want her. And if she isn’t then it’s just awkward, yeah?
Oh honey, this man is never going to change. Even if he says he will, he will still be fantasising about his friend’s wife or some other woman dominating him. You deserve better.
I mean… you’re right in what is there to talk about because he broke your trust.
But I would be curious as to what he thinks there is to talk about just for the hell of it.
If he broke your trust like that and you take cheating to be a deal breaker then I’d talk with him and break up.
You could just ghost and block and give the cold shoulder, but he wants to talk. Let him. See what he has to say.
It probably won’t be enough though, so you can make him painfully aware of the consequences of his decisions by breaking up with him firmly, over and over if you have to.
Then he may realize. But paying a sex worker to cheat? Yeah. I probably wouldn’t want to continue that relationship either. That trust is broken for sure and he knew what he did.
He’s probably never talked about that trauma to anyone, you gave him a release he will most likely never forget and I think he will love you even more for it. Personally I don’t think you have to worry about them ever being a concern especially since she doesn’t talk to him anymore
kind and compassionate otherwise never shown any other signs of bigotry
Somehow I doubt this. You lie with dogs, you get fleas. You chose to date a conservative and you're…shocked at this behavior?
Him struggling with the fact that you had an abortion is fine. People have different opinions about abortion and its morality. And abortion is a good topic to be on the same page as your spouse. HOWEVER the reason for why he’s upset about your abortion is in no way okay. It sounds like he’s more upset about you getting pregnant in the past that about the morality of having an abortion.
Girl, be glad he did this before you got married or kids with him. He did you a huge favor. Probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but being without him will be so much better than being with Jim’s
All this 100%
Lol I thinks it’s the same quote but it’s like 6 in the morning and my brain is half asleep still
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How long does it take to grow back 12 inches of hair. A couple years?
How long does it take to grow back 12 inches of hair. A couple years?
How long does it take to grow back 12 inches of hair. A couple years?
I agree with the others, he won't let you meet her because there is more going on than he is saying.
He is cheating on her with you. You are the side chick.
Time to end the relationship and move on.
Don't be that girl. All the signs are there.
No guy who is in a relationship would not introduce his GF to his friend if they were only friends. He wouldn't make up so many excuses to keep you from meeting her.
I agree with the others, he won't let you meet her because there is more going on than he is saying.
He is cheating on her with you. You are the side chick.
Time to end the relationship and move on.
Don't be that girl. All the signs are there.
No guy who is in a relationship would not introduce his GF to his friend if they were only friends. He wouldn't make up so many excuses to keep you from meeting her.
I agree with the others, he won't let you meet her because there is more going on than he is saying.
He is cheating on her with you. You are the side chick.
Time to end the relationship and move on.
Don't be that girl. All the signs are there.
No guy who is in a relationship would not introduce his GF to his friend if they were only friends. He wouldn't make up so many excuses to keep you from meeting her.
She's 27 now? 28?
She's 27 now? 28?
She's 27 now? 28?
That's the eye troll. Hey there!
Hey, how's your husband's moustache doing?
Any sudden desires to start marching towards Poland?
Look, it's fine. We understand.
Not everyone is cut to be an artist…
That's the eye troll. Hey there!
Hey, how's your husband's moustache doing?
Any sudden desires to start marching towards Poland?
Look, it's fine. We understand.
Not everyone is cut to be an artist…
That's the eye troll. Hey there!
Hey, how's your husband's moustache doing?
Any sudden desires to start marching towards Poland?
Look, it's fine. We understand.
Not everyone is cut to be an artist…
Take care of yourself. Take EXTRA care of yourself. Stay hydrated, eat good food, give yourself space to grieve, get a journal, engage in your hobbies. Also, please go get an STD panel. Virtual hugs!!!
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I'm currently making it work. It was hard, but it got easier once we both took the time to process and then talk about what happened and why. (Took two months post me finding out, but everything takes time.) We're looking into couples counseling in a bit to work on small bags were having in communication.
The most important thing is do you want to rebuild and renew your trust and relationship? If you need space then ask for it. Don't force anything, the only reason I continued is because I know I love him and he was being stupid when he should have been communicating his needs.
Him not being okay with you having a abortion is normal if he is someone who is agaisnt abortions.
But everything else ? Married so soon , changing mind constantly and saying he's okay with it to them only bring it up in a fight. Ja leave this guy he is unstable and needs to sort he's shit out.
and you need to find someone who feels the same about abortions as you , it's a very important topic you both have to be on the same page about.
But good on you for letting the person know early on in the relationship, that is very mature of you and you will find the right person for you if you stick to this.
Did he introduce you as his girlfriend to his mom and sister?
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You've just had your character tested in a very unfair and hurtful way, and you aced that test.
If someone ever puts me in the horrible, unfair, dehumanizing position your former boyfriend did to you, I hope that I manage to address it with even a fraction of the grace and clarity you did. You made all the correct moves at every step, and I promise that eventually that will be a real comfort to you.
He will continue trying to engage you in conversation, so just go ahead and block his number and social media accounts now because you're 100% right: there's nothing left to talk about. Getting you to “discuss” his infidelity is a trap; it's an attempt to normalize what he did. He'll tell you that you're not being open-minded, or that it doesn't count because it was paid sex, or offer to let you cheat once on him to make you two “even.” Or one of a million other pathetic excuses that pathetic people use to turn their pathetic behavior around onto the ones they've hurt.
This is why he brought up his infidelity to you in the first place. If he can just make it your fault for some variation of “not being reasonable,” instead of his fault for gleefully fucking another woman while fully aware you were waiting for him back home, then he can happily convince himself he's not a horrible excuse for a human being. He needs your complicitcy to achieve this and he will continue trying to get it from you, so be prepared. Just do not engage him. Your silence is your best weapon. Any conversation you allow yourself to be pulled into with him will just be used to turn things around onto you.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you. You don't deserve it. Take a day or two. See if your friend or some family are okay with you spending the holiday with them so you're not alone and this Christmas won't just be a bad memory. Keep yourself occupied, get a new book to read or find a new hobby to dive into. Give your mind time to process. Do not try to get this all sorted out in one day; it won't work and it'll just make you feel even more broken. As you put some time between yourself and this betrayal, the sting will fade, I promise.
I'm really sorry you had this foisted on you, especially at this time of year. Recover, and press on. You're clearly capable of it, and it's the best form of revenge.
Exactly – this is on him. He's the dad now and he gets to clap back at his family about his kid. Having a kid that has a long journey takes a lot. Make sure that you are getting breaks and rest times for yourself.
Your skin color is your skin color. Screw that noise.
Keep working on that weight. For yourself. 40s and beyond are a lot better if you haven't been schlepping the extra baggage all those years to then.
Knowing that young adults are immature and vulnerable isn’t infantilizing them. It’s just how it is more often than not.
I’m sorry that phrase triggered you.
??
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
Hey there. I'm sorry to say this OP, but it seems like you're getting exactly what you gave. It is completely reasonable for your friend to want more stability than you were able to give. You essentially ghosted him for a few months. It's great you apologized, but if I were your best friend, I would have been fundamentally hurt by that, and he has every right to be. Even if he initially said everything was fine, he may be pulling away to protect himself, and/or generally trying to create a shell around himself to keep from ending up in the same position again. He doesn't owe you friendship, particularly after you bailed on him for a period of time.
I'm sorry to say this, and I know what you are experiencing is really nude. I think this is a great learning experience for you — that important relationships are built on fundamental mutual commitments to communication. In the meantime, your grief is valid, I hope you are able to take care of yourself and make space for it. You are not alone, losing friends is so nude, and you will be okay!
I take it your mom doesn't have high self worth and self esteem. She rather be someone's mistress than be alone and work on her issues. The only thing you could do is that tell no way you're going to support what she's doing. When she leaves make you she gets into therapy.
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Yikes
Well she removed the video for obvious reasons.. The only way I'd be able to see it now is if Fuckface decides to send it to me.
What race is foreign?
This can't be real.
Please tell me it's not real.
Lie to me if you have to.
Lmao my bad!
Lmao my bad!
Puppies need time and patience…lots of toys…tell her to get him a tennis ball…they love that stuff…he's probably teething too…lots of toys he can chew on…Puppies are like having a baby…she needs to do better.. stop complaining and make sure the Puppies needs are met
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It depends. Is there a reason like with scheduling and timing?
This is more common for Americans yes – do you care that much? If so why?
Clearly you're not using him though? You could argue back the same to him and he wouldn't like it. Real couples help each other out.
I helped my partner with money and it landed me financially in the red. But when my money was low, he helped me out.
So no threesomes then? I’m just asking for clarity and not judging you in any way.
I also want to add and make sure you see – when I first read what you listed my thought was “wow those negatives outweigh the positives, this does not sound like a good relationship.” It wasn’t until you asked me to explain that I went back and thought of why I thought things were so bad that I was like “wow there’s a lot of abusive behaviors here”. So please don’t feel bad if you weren’t seeing them…I didn’t initially call out them as abusive either! Just bad and not a good bf. Sometimes when you’re in the thick of it and care about the person it’s hard to see the difference between bad and abusive.
If you value her as a person, accept her for who she is and let her handle her own business
Because it’s false confidence. She is faking it. I do this too. Because confidence is sexy and I know that. But deep down I’m a coward.
What about saying “Do you have any stories about bf when he was growing up?” Moms love to talk about their kids.
The military paid for our entire move and he has a job.
Definitely. There's more to this story. OP is screwing up his friend's marriage. Not the “thank you” I'd want.
Dump him and find a new boyfriend who is actually interested in having sex with you more than his hand.
Eh. I would cut things off until I meet here because this is huge red flag
You as well.
The way you talk about being unable to let him go is something you should discuss in therapy. I’ve been that way and have a lot of trauma and found out I have bpd. You sound a LOT like me and if that’s not a warning sign idk how to convince you. I get that no internet stranger will talk you into leaving but the expression of your attachment is definitely one of the signs.
I honestly had to check to make sure this wasn't a troll post. You're literally mad at the poor guy because he's excited your date went well?
Would you prefer he ignore you and date other people while playing hard to get and pretending he doesn't actually like you?
Please end things now and let him go find someone else who deserves him.
Based on these studies, the average length of an erect penis is between 5.1 and 5.5 inches. Get rid of this girl, she is toxic and is playing power games
I sent the story to his friend, but he doesn’t seem to care. It’s like they are both in on it!
Well don’t have sex then problem solved you will also have to join his religion raise any children that way no contraception and so on
She likes you. Tell her you like her or tell her you don’t. It’s just that easy.
Maybe ask one of your friends to go over and take the puppy since you're overseas OP.
OP my ex's family were JWs.
We were together for 6 years, we lived together for 5 when they finally convinced him he would never spend eternity in the new system with them if he didn't return to the religion. I was raised a Catholic, but I am not religious.
Trust me, this religion is completely incompatible with someone who is not a believer. You will be labelled as un-yolked and shunned by the congregation.
You will never celebrate birthdays or Christmas, and they will make you raise your children as JWs.
Their beliefs on blood transfusion may also be something you want to look into.
Please read up about this religion and understand completely what you are signing up for.
Block and delete her on everything and tell your GF to do the same. DON'T keep this from her she has a right to know that she being stalked by your Ex.
Why are you wasting your time with someone who doesn’t want you?
Agreed, it'll be numerous maxed out cards & spending everything he makes. Not someone one would want to have a family with
Love this. Thank you. I will do this.
1) He didn't cheat. 2) he told you what would happen 3) choices have consequences
Consequences of your actions chasing you right now…
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If you don’t want your wife to know and she doesn’t want her husband to know… I’d say that’s a massive red flag for whatever you’re about to do. Neither of you have good intentions otherwise there is zero reason for it to be a secret. It’s been years I assume. You’re both married. There’s no need for closure and y’all aren’t friends. What are you doing?
There’s literally no reason to do this unless you’re looking to blow up your marriages. Come back to update us when your wife finds out you cheated on her.
Probably because he pulled this shit with new people and they were smart enough to leave him to his own vices.
There has never been any indication, threat, or worry of physical harm or danger. Its just the fact that I don't want to loose my sister over this. I know she is “toxic” and needs therapy of her own (which she refuses), she's just my only family left
The first time we played he played normal but explained why he was doing each move and how it was helping him win.
u/YT_Sharkyevno, this is the way!
You may be a much better player then her right now, but you want the game and her time with you to be enjoyable. Use the opportunity to bring her into the fold, not to show her how good you are. You need to tone down the ego somewhat. Being smarter then others is not something to be lorded. It is both an opportunity and a responsibility.
When I played with my kids or people not as skilled as me, I would coach them as they played and I would explain my moves.
I just want to mention- cats absolutely are not ok to go without food. A lack of food for at little as 48 hours can cause hepatic lipidosis, which is a potentially fatal disease impacting the ability of the cat's liver to function.
Sleep in the guest bedroom or go to bed earlier. It’s not ok to wake up a hard to get to sleep baby because of a hobby.
Do you at least take on the effort of putting the baby you woke back to sleep?
Well put + yes, things are great between us! Absolutely no complaints concerning our relationship.
People are giving you advice, and you’re literally screaming like a little girl and getting defensive. What are you talking about?
Dude your bf is absolutely trash!!! I am blown away hearing stories like this where girls/women keep getting asked by their SO to do something they don’t want to do, and they get worn down and give in and then feel like crap afterwards. Ya’ll need to put your foot down and say “NO! DO YOU HEAR MY F$&KING WORDS?! nooooo!!! Do you want me to Ride your ck and scream out your friends name louder than ever?!?! NO YOU DONT!” If they persist, leave. Let them know you’re not a doormat. You have boundaries. I understand that people want to make their partner happy, but you are literally sacrificing your happiness and mental stability for it! Stop doing that! You are worth more than that! You’re mind and health is worth more than a jackass that wants to do something that will ultimately screw you up. They are not worth it. That’s all I’m saying! You want to see how things play out? Get his best friends name, and next time you guys have sex keep saying it over and over… he’s going to get pissed. He’s going to feel how you feel. It’s pure bullshiiaaat. Find someone that believes **YOU ALONE are enough for them. Someone who will love and cherish you!
I'm glad to hear it OP.
You set a clear boundary, he broke it. Further, he’s mad at you for enforcing the boundary that he knew about, and then broke.
Jim could be real sweet sometimes, but Jim doesn’t have very much respect for you.
Run, girl – run like the wind.
No. If he seemed to enjoy being with me and I enjoyed him, then it wouldnt matter at all. What he likes to look at on the internet would have no bearing.
Uhh you need to cut her off. The more you allow it to happen, yes allow, the more of a pushover you’re going to become. Cut her off and tell your girlfriend what’s been happening.
I agree with everyone else saying this guy has no respect for boundaries and you deserve way better. But I can also empathize with having anxiety around breaking up and wanting to do it gently. He doesn’t deserve it, but if it gives you peace then that’s what counts.
I’d personally trying something like this “hey (coercive bf), I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and have come to the decision that we’re not going to work out. You and I have very different needs and expectations in a relationship that won’t be compatible long term. I want to save us both future pain by doing this now instead of dragging things out.”
Optionally, you could include a brief summary of your reasons on the slim chance he actually takes any of it on board: “I’m initiating this breakup mainly because you don’t respect my boundaries (for example: demanding sex over and over even when I said no the first time. Also, continuing to make me feel badly when I repeatedly decline sex by masturbating beside me and STILL asking me to have sex with you to help finish you off). This behaviour is considered coercion because you are trying to guilt me into sex instead of respecting my no. This really isn’t okay and is something you should consider in future relationships.”
If you feel comfortable blocking him I would add: “I am firm in my decision and don’t intend on discussing it further. To make this easier on both of us I am going to block your number now and am happy for you to do the same to me. Best of luck in the future.”
And then you block him.
I would do this all through text personally so that:
a) he can’t try to coerce you to stay as he CLEARLY is unlikely to respect your decision. b) it allows you to remain calm and safe without having to be with him physically. c) if you don’t block him and he says anything threatening/is awful in any way you have a written record of it (always good to have).
I used to think that people who chose not to be friends with their coworkers and who avoided drinking with their coworkers had a stick up their ass. I learned why the hard way.
It’s hard when we’re together to not cross a certain line though and it’s just getting more difficult
I may be one of the small minority of people here in an actually healthy relationship. There’s nothing toxic about what I said. Stop priming OP to believe garbage and forgive him.
Unfortunately my family is the type that would be appalled so I’ve felt pressured to go to “keep the peace” but after this year I’m not even going to bother going. I’ll just do what I want during the holidays lol
Sorry but being insecure to this point is not attractive at all. If he feels like you’re not letting him breathe ever and always doubt him, how are you going to handle long term ? Life will make you separate at times for longer than 2 weeks. How is he supposed to handle the constant accusations ? You don’t trust him and you don’t trust his feelings, with absolutely nothing indicating a cheating behaviour. Your hints are so small. That’s nothing. Having strong anxiety is also knowing that part of your feelings are just guided by it and to take a step back when it’s start looking irrational. Imagine if the role were reversed. Would you be cheating because you get tired at night, because you took 10 minutes to send all your passwords ?
That’s the first time you’re being separated in months, of course the dynamics of how you communicate are going to change a little bit and that’s healthy. You’re probably more dependant on him that he is on you, so he’s enjoying his time while missing you. What’s not healthy is you going crazy on your own and then sharing it every little second, making any conversation with you a nightmare because he’s trying to reassure you and you don’t listen and just repeat the next day.
You are working on yourself, that’s great. If you want this relationship to keep going, stop sharing every little stress you have and find another way to get past them. Write about it, ask a friend, try to put yourself in the other’s shoes, do some sport, meditation, whatever ease out your mind even for a few minutes. And work on not being so dependant on your boyfriend. People are not out there to be responsible for our peace of mind. Being codependent to this point can’t be good for either of you. This situation is hard on you and nude on him.
Whenever I have people genuinely put in effort to give me a gift I am always so overcome by gratitude that I don’t understand his take at all. Something that thoughtful would have made it a really good gift to me. And to buy you a gift with your own cash? Idk, the whole thing seems weird. You essentially purchased your own Christmas gift and his gift
Same room yes, bed no.
I’m having those exact thought today. As much as it sounds horrible. For me it’s a frustration release. It’s Christmas Day been at the holiday house for the last three days. Kids are at that stage of being over it. Their dad is complaining about how much he has spent and that he’s in pain(still don’t understand why you would do this when you have a bad leg). So I’ve been trying to wrangle a 4yr and 3yr while daddy sleeps or relaxes. This entire trip I’ve had no time to myself.
Just sit down and be there for your sister to vent, maybe try and take her out somewhere without the kids. Perhaps organise a day to take the kids to an indoor park. And mum stays home.
Contact HR before they do.
I'd make a wager on it!
“Because it's so unusual for a guy to string someone along for the sex of it”… /s
Or drunk because of a dead driver?
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Ugh I’m so sorry. Try to busy yourself and don’t forget how absolutely ridiculous this is. You don’t deserve it— especially not on Christmas. Sending you hugs ❤️
Look, I’m all for role playing. Sometimes I agree to being someone who doesn’t really “do it” for me, but it’s ok because so does my husband when I’m the one choosing. Mostly, we imagine scenarios we both enjoy, and it can be a lot of fun.
There are hard limits though. People we know are one of them. It can be very hurtful to imagine your SO/play partner is so attracted to someone in your day-to-day life. Personally, it would make me very insecure around that person and my SO. Ask your boyfriend what he would feel like if you were picturing one of his friends, or brother or dad or cousin while you were having sex with him. Of course we’re attracted to other people from time to time, but our emotional boundaries AND our partners’ emotional boundaries should always be respected if we want to have healthy and safe and adventurous sex. Communication is key, also from your side. Express your discomfort, find alternatives. If you don’t, the hurt will only grow and you’ll eventually resent your partner so much and that’ll be the end of this relationship.
Cut her off!! You well know what she is trying to do, she should no longer be your friend
RemindMe! 6 hours
Don’t say anything more to him. He’s saying plenty with his behavior. I’d start moving on.
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Why is the only option kicking you out of your bed, and not getting a crib for the baby?
Classic! “Yeah, I’m mentally Ill and lash out sometimes, BUT I say sorry, that’s why he’s an abuser and I’m benevolent”
And that’s where the “you two might not be compatible” part comes in.
Before insulin prices were finally lowered in the US (on SOME insurances), I actually traveled to Canada to buy my insulin. It was still hella expensive, but it saved me a few hundred dollars compared to the price I would have paid in the US, with insurance.
Based on your responses to the advice here, you are not ready to be in a relationship. You can't even put this “friend” in her place lmao, your gf deserves so much better than what you can provide. I hope she realises this.
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Thanks so much for your response and advice I really appreciate it a bunch and it means a ton to me I’ll definitely figure this out because I just don’t want anyone harming my girlfriend
So instead of allowing her to figure her own shit out or offer ways for her to be safe, you think it's best she not go out at all?
I really hope you don't have kids. If this is how you treat your siblings, I can't imagine how over bearing you'd be as an adult.
This is what happens when you get with a 31 year old at 20. You're actually going to marry him? Geez..
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Lol come on bro
Med school is not just 4 years. It’s that, plus residency and potentially fellowships for further specialization, complicated job searches, etc. It’s very common for literally married couples to break up during that time bc it’s so hard on couples. If you have all these challenging goals together, I would wait on marriage. You will come out different people when you’re done with these programs. Being strapped into a relationship in this way just hampers your choices frankly (speaking from experience).
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I know full well it isn't free, which is why single parents also work, and I raise my two boys alone on a lot less then 180k.
EDIT: I know this is a lot and I sound crazy but I even asked him for all of his social media passwords and he gave them to me. At first he said he didn’t know this off the top of his head and then he eventually sent them like 10 minutes later. This makes me think he deleted stuff or is hiding things.
This is off the hook. Please seek serious mental and emotional help.
I mean, I got a lot going for me (though I know anything following this sentence is going to be met with harsh criticism) I’m funny, nice, pretty, long hair, tall, athletic, have a M.S. in Data Science, love video games, have a dog, compassionate, sexually adventurous, speak 3 languages, I’m a writer, and I run small business on the side that donates 60% of the proceeds to charity.
thanks!
thanks!
Oh its absolutely true, a person that is truly in love with their partner doesnt feel the need to get fucked by everything that walks.
She’s knows I’m at her every beck and call right now because she’s carrying my baby and that’s why I feel that I’m not appealing to her right now.
If I completely ghosted her she would definitely miss me, she will need me there as the weeks go on and she only has 8-10 weeks left. She will regret messing me around like this, even though I’m the nice person I feel like I should focus on myself and only myself.
You need a better BF!! He blames you for his crappy driving. He was in control of the car, not you!!
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Are you a Targaryen
Oh go cry about it.
You can get upset if you let him know your expectations. In this case he knew you expected at least something to show he cared and he didn't care about your feelings.
Now, if you didn't, remember he doesn't have the same upbringing and life experiences as you. Hjs stance on gifts might be, justifiably, different than yours. Maybe in his family you only gift if you gave enough money to spare, or maybe you should only gift it is something of value. In this case, instead of getting mad you should talk to him.
Tell her shes just jealous of you and block her ass
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nah i havent, part of me wants to but at the same time the trip is only 10 days. there’s only 4 days left so i dunno if i should just stick it out or not
Something that I haven't seen been said. The problem is you leaving them to figure out how to like each other. Your lying is bad, but this is worse imo. If you have a partner and a friend, you have to protect one from the other and preferably the partner, unless the partner is being unreasonable. You didn't protect your partner for problems she had that were real and you let your friend cause even more damage to her. It seems you just don't give a duck to your girlfriend's feelings and expect her to deal with them.
Yes, still creepy. If you have bettered yourself it’s ONLY because she left you. If she hadn’t you’d still be the lazy, inattentive person you were. If you are indeed a better man you will leave her alone, don’t dare smash her happiness for your selfish regrets.
Goddamn you are so fucking selfish and a delusional creep and you just don't see it. Go to therapy and leave her alone.
Same ? I have made cute little grab bags for friends when I was totally broke – not hard – get something! So many women on Reddit posting about these scrubs –
Long term? He’ll have died of old age before you’re 35.
I feel bad for your gf tbh. If it were me I’d have a lot of trust issues with you. Cause if you didn’t tell her you had sex with your now best friend before how’s she supposed to trust you not to cheat or something now?
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You sound really lovely and she sounds absolutely awful. You did NOTHING wrong. She’s treating you horribly. I hate that you’re even wondering if you did something wrong.
Keep yourself and your kids away from her. You deserve to be treated so much better (we all do). Heal, keep standards high for yourself, and soon enough you’ll have someone wonderful to spend Christmas with.
I think the suggestion probably comes from the cleaning at 3 AM bit. That’s….a bit out there.
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Very! I’ve ho’ed about and seen it fairly often. Other gal friends have too, and a number of guys I’ve talked to have said they’ve suffered it. Nothing wrong with you or them. If anything, it means you’re extra fine and that’s why they’re so nervous.
Run mutha fucka. Run.
What is your home environment like?
What is their bedroom situation? How much have you welcomed them into this home and to you as a new Stepmother?
I'm just a reddit stranger but I do know that kids are intuitive and can sense when they are not welcomed/wanted.
Are there lots of arguments or is your house very peaceful?
OP I'm a product of 'staying together for the kids' and it doesn't work. I hated my childhood so much and was happy they finally divorce. Keep the divorce clean, no arguments in front of your kid, no bad mouthing etc, and live! your life with her. Talk to a good lawyer and document anything you can
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I agree with this but i also want to point out (for the outliers) that BMI is a generalized metric and is often unhealthy when applied to individuals because there will always be outliers.
The best metric is how you feel in your body. ?
Not a professional but this is weaponized anxiety at best and blatant lying to get you to submit under her rule at worst.
You made a good call. Don’t go back
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My bf has pointed it out and laughed it off ‘your dad doesn’t like me such a cliche’. In all honesty what makes me more upset is that my Last boyfriend was a twat, he cheated and emotionally abused me and my dad really made an effort to get along with him and my current boyfriend is none of those things and I’m really close with my dad and I hoped whoever I marry my dad at least try’s to get to know.
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Because they had a plan and then she decided she didn't want to follow said plan and would rather keep her min wage job, which I suspect probably doesn't require much of her if she's so intent on not getting a better one.
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Debating on whether to repost this as its own comment. I really hope OP see's it and it doesn't get lost in all this chaos.
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Give it a couple weeks and see how you feel. If you still feel that way just end it nicely, don’t mention the nose job. Poor girl Jennifer Greyd her way out of a relationship.
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Play the long game. Play nice to get your college paid for. Record all your interactions with her. When you graduate have your mic drop moment with a video compilation of all the shitty things she’s said.
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Just wait a few weeks and you’ll get used to it.
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Please please please leave him. He is abusive and I am so so sorry that you don‘t have a partner who is willing to support you in this rough time. You deserve so much better!
Yeah, sure. Well, when you figure out why you “just don't like her”, you can clue the rest of us in on why and we can all give you a more honest assessment. You're leaving out details on why you don't like her and I'm guessing it's because the details probably make you out to be the bad person.
But go ahead and downvote me with the rest of the ageist hens in here. You're a woman, you can do no wrong in this sub.
This. Best advice ever. When I had my heart broken, that's what I did, and slowly the hurt started to fade. It keeps you distracted and you'll see yourself improving, which is great for your self esteem.
My spouse asked me to make him a list of gifts I would like, not because he’s forgetful but because he doesn’t really understand the things I like. I downloaded an app called Giftful that lets me save a photo, description, size, price, etc. for items I like. He has access to it and not only gets me things from the list but also has come up with great things on his own after being inspired by items on my list.
Does this take away the surprise of gifts from him? Who cares! I get gifts I like and he isn’t stressed out about trying to figure out my strange likes.
You're not throwing anything away, he threw it away when he decided to send his nudes to other women. You even said he wouldn't be okay with it if the roles were reversed – which means he knew exactly how wrong what he did was.
It is absolutely not reasonable. Leave this asshole.
Same happened to my fwb, as far as I felt sorry for him, it didn't bother me, cause he is single and we just had casual relationship, while we both seen others. If he was my partner, I would treat it as cheating, cause it is cheating. And he has no remorse, he is just sad because he got caught.
You deserve better, anyone deserves better. There is no way It is his first and last time
Well it's her stuff, so she can do what she wants with it
A therapist should never offer to provide therapy to the couple after they’ve already established a therapeutic relationship with the individual. That alone is a huge boundary she should not have violated and would make me question her judgement in general.
So, it sounds like your sister is getting to enjoy the early 20's period she didn't really “Get” to have because she was being the responsible one for you.
\ I know you look at your sister as a parental figure, and look up to her, but you realize that no one should have to be a parent to their sibling right?
She didn't sign up to be your parental figure, she was thrust into that role, and it's great that she was able to be there for you. But now you are grown, and it's time for you to take on some of the shared loss you both faced due to your mother's mental health. You've got to build a new support system for yourself, friends, therapists, yourself. Your sister will always be there, but it's not always going to be you relying on her, sometimes she will need you too.
(Everyone goes through this btw, eventually everyone's parents, or caretakers need care themselves as they get older. It's part of growing up, you have to learn to rely on yourself for strength. I know that doesn't make it easier, but it means there are lots of people going through this with you in different ways that you can connect with.)
It sounds like she's trying to re live! her early 20s on fast forward with less responsiblity. There are consequences to that, and she'll have to deal with them, but you're not in charge of her, and she's not in charge of you. Her behavior is really concerning, not because of a younger guy, but because being drunk at work, and drunk…. SO much, could be a problem. It sounds like she's really had her head turned by this guy if she's doing so many out of character things.
Direct confrontation when it comes to significant others never works, friends, sisters, it does not matter, you can gently express reservations about her taking care of herself and making sure she doesn't lose her job. The best thing you can do now is look ahead, 21 year old guys are not known for long term commitments, this is not going to last, and the fall out will be rough. Give her some space to make this mistake and be there for her when she needs you in the future, just like she was for you.
Blood is thicker than booze, so just wait it out.
We're long distance. Sorry for not specifying that detail. If she were here irl I would've invited her for sure!
I feel like they had something on this on that doctor show House
“Wouldnt let me” you are not her property. Take a job, and leave the toxic gf.
Yes, but he just says that he’s not trying to hurt my feelings since he’s just trying to point out things that would look nice on me. He’s also apologized but then continues to do it anyways.
One of the friends was a male and he did pay for himself and his gf for a getaway in the mountains for Xmas instead of a gift because apparently she doesn’t celebrate. This isn’t in the post but was clarified in comments.
Dude. They didn’t try to blackmail her. She didn’t slip up in a moment of pure ecstasy.
She cheated on you and lied about it in the most vile way. She tried things with this woman / couple she never would try with you while your own sex life fell off a cliff.
Now you are lying to yourself to avoid that painful truth.
When you say it's about health are you really saying it's about a possible drinking issue? If so you absolutely should address it but not as a weight issue but directly as a drinking issue and the weight as an unfortunate side effect that is nearly irrelevant in the face of potential alcoholism.
Ask him if he wants to try a relationship. He'll say no. Broken up. Done.
We're talking about human rights.
IDK why hit this is intentional, it’s not about what she can’t find and it is 100% abuse. Something is very wrong with her, this is a mental health issue. She won’t stop , you’ve asked. What’s your plan?
IDK why hit this is intentional, it’s not about what she can’t find and it is 100% abuse. Something is very wrong with her, this is a mental health issue. She won’t stop , you’ve asked. What’s your plan?
DO NOT have plastic surgery just to get his approval!!!!
You are contradicting yourself left and right and its because you know you're an AH you just hope people validate you.
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What would be great is if OP could talk with the affair partner. Find out that person's version of the timeline, and also why the affair relationship ended — for example, affair partner could have dumped her — and she went back to OP because of limited options. However, that ship may have sailed if OP is giving the impression to his wife that this is resolved (even though in his mind it is not).
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Forreal. My husband has learned the hard way, by getting accidentally elbowed or kicked or whatever happens as I flail around. I never do it intentionally, & then he gets mad that he got hurt lol he’s learned his lesson & we don’t play fight anymore.
It’s just never a good idea.
He is slow dumping you. Dump him now and kick him out.
This is a very tough situation. Long distance is very difficult to maintain and requires a lot of trust and discipline. I don't have any statistics, but iirc a lot of long distance relationships fail.
On the other hand, me and my gf have been long distance for almost 4 years now (I was 18 and she was 17 when we met). Soon we're planning on moving in together and it has been great so far. We visit each other whenever possible, so it's not that bad – but not having your partner physically by your side is really, really tough sometimes. We make it work though, and so far (hopefully I don't jinx it) we haven't had a single fight – 99% of problems we've had are just due to the fact that we're far apart and can't, for example, comfort each other or help when life is difficult.
So if you think this guy deserves it, maybe trust yourselves and at least try it. I'm probably biased though, due to my experience.
It’s not that, I’m very flirtatious and very forward when I wake up because my brain isn’t there to stop me.
My family is narcissistic and I've wanted to go NC for a long time. This seemed like a good opportunity. My family love my husband so it has nothing to do with him.
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Dump him. As long as you are supporting him he will never learn to do it himself. And as long as you are supporting him you are not able to support yourself. If you want a better life standard for yourself, you have to cut out what is keeping you from that. If you want to stay with this man, you are choosing to let go of the standard you wish you had, and you need to accept that. After five years you know what you're in for. If you want change, it has to come from you
What state? Lol
Here's what I'm seeing and please…. If I'm wrong forgive me. We started out as she was raped and you didn't get mad but was worried about her but then you get upset and hunt them down on the internet then we move to she wasn't raped and it was mutual and more involved on her part and you weren't mad but relieved she wasn't raped but then you get upset thinking about what all happened. You're a nice decent easy laid back guy but you are also a slow burner meaning things don't immediately start to get into your feelings especially on the anger side. Now knowing this (if this is at least close) and at this time of you setting down and writing this you are on a slow simmer and what's going to happen if you don't separate yourself from your pain, you are going to end up hating her and you're going to push her to a point that she'll despise you and the real victim will end up being your child. You might not be able to see it right now but it's coming. Separate, get away while you still have a good head and some kind of temperance about you. Tell her this is what you are doing because you don't want to end up hating her, work out a good shared parenting schedule and once you have achieved all of that and you are finally away…..breath and realize that this is not your fault….regardless you were betrayed, you're a helluva good person and a person you thought you knew betrayed you for her own sexual pleasure and then told you a horrific lie and betrayed you once again and it's likely with her erasing all evidence that she's lied about her true involvement in a continuance of her betrayals letting you know that regardless of what she says you'll never know the whole truth or at least will never feel you know….. Get away, breath, get some counseling and get on with your life with someone who deserves a good, decent, good hearted man.
Sorry I may not have made it clear.
The issue wasn't with the fact it was boobs, I have children myself and breastfeeding is the most natural thing there is. It was more her reasoning for sending the picture as it seemed to be with bad intentions.
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Hate to break it to you, but you already cheated. You “can't stop yourself”? Give me a break – you're a grown adult with control over your actions. You can stop, you just won't. Leave this poor girl and let her go find someone loyal. Either work on stopping yourself, or just lean into it and make it clear to everyone you date that this is what will happen.
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Tbh I agree with this, if my girlfriends mom asked me a favor like transporting her grandma somewhere if it wouldn’t take too long I wouldn’t tell her no just because I don’t know her that well. Why not just do it because you do things for your partner. Although I disagree with the part about her in her 20s — older women can still be very beautiful and amazing
A broken clock is right twice a day.. your in-laws didn't know shit, they gambled and got lucky
She is mentally abusing you, you are suffering.
First off, she keeps pushing you out the door. Help her out and walk right through and don't look back. Go No contact as you will need it to get over her. She has a pattern of abandoning you for half a year at a time, this isn't normal at all.
More than likely, if she is ignoring you that long, she is probably meeting other guys anyways. She probably escalates minor arguments to give her an excuse to cut you off completely, then dates someone else. There can't seem to be any other rational reason for her behavior.
Get rid of her and don't look back. She obviously doesn't see you as long term or she wouldn't ignore you for long periods of time. There is no long term potential with her at all.
Cut the cord – stop being his mother. This is not healthy.
Cut the cord – stop being his mother. This is not healthy.
Tell me you grew up with more bathrooms than people in your household, without telling me you grew up with more bathrooms than people in your household…
we discussed this intensely and we agreed we will both educate them to know all the possibilities, her mother's religion, my faith and all the other major ones like hindu islam etc, and let them to finally decide when they grow up
Thank you, this was really hard to hear, but a large part of me feels it’s the truth. We’ve been having so many issues with intimacy this past year (on his side) that it was very shocking this happened. After it happened I also asked if he’d forgive me if I was the one who had done this and his initial answer was “definitely not”, before he changed it to yes later on ?
Depends on where OP lives. He'd have to be evicted if he didn't agree to leave. Otherwise, it's illegal to just kick him out.
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You see everyone as people and that's fine however a large percentage of them would see you as a prospect and your boyfriend knows it.
Now you have already tried for the 7pm meeting which most would agree looks sketch and now any meeting with this guy looks sketch
All guys you want to spend alone time with outside of MAYBE work lunch you should introduce through partners first.
When your husband asks for more alone time, how does he ideally envision it? Does he just want you to go out on work functions independently? Does he want to spend time alone at home, or time with friends outside? Don’t assume he wants you to book a two night stay at a hotel each time. Just ask him how does alone time look like for him?
He said she lost him, and goes no contact. It’s obvious he broke up with her
Theres not a lot of difference between platonic relationships and attraction relationships. There’s tons of overlap, think of a Venn diagram. What you’re describing almost completely also fits within the realms of an attraction relationship. Which then creates insecurity in your boyfriend because it could be just platonic like you’re saying but, humans are notorious liers and cheaters, and so it is difficult to put full trust in others. What you’re describing sounds like an attraction based date but also totally has the potential to be a platonic event.
I would say: first be real with yourself. Do you really have no attractive feelings for this person?
If no then you have to find a way to meet part of the way with your bf.
He needs trust from you. Trust is made by consistency and proof. Being willing to do basically do anything necessary to prove your trustworthiness. You won’t be able to prove everything obviously so it can be challenging.
You’re going to need to talk to him about what you can do to build trust with him that it is just platonic. But do him a favor if it ends up you are attracted to the friend then leave your bf
Your ex should remain an ex.
Neither of you sound mature enough or stable enough for a relationship, tbh. Be glad you're free of the toxicity and work on regulating your emotions and avoiding red flags.
No.
That letter is batshit crazy. Just stop.
You're not happy that they are together. That's OK. Sit with it and then move on with your life.
Oh my god yall theyre meeting late because he has to work do you really not knoq the meaning of being friends?
Look if youre just friends and 100% all it is thats great. Also consider safety from your standpoint since you dont know this guy outside of work, you may want to meet him somewhere more public since you know YOUR intentions but its impossible to know his.
It was more hesitation than no. I don’t have the self-esteem and don’t know how to build it up for myself.
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You have known him for 8 years, but how long is the relationship? If you lied to him for 8 years I could see how he would feel betrayed enough to not want to work on things. Your choice of words “magic dick” makes it seem you blame him for your lies which is another problem.
Should he have know better? Yeah maybe, but he trusted you which is something you want in a partner.
With that said it seems his bruised ego is a factor here as well.
Not necessarily your last comment. Some people are satisfied with the just controlling.
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Sounds like a silly joke he made. If this was an isolated event, and not part of a larger pattern, I honestly have no idea why you're so bent out of shape.
Hey there. My parents divorced when I was 16 ish. There are four kids in my family. My dad met a lady within a year, they’ve now been together 19 years.
His partner wishes, desperately, that he didn’t have kids. She has made us feel extremely unwelcome in the last 19 years. We have done everything to try to be respectful, but the truth is she doesn’t like us – even as adults, she sees us as disrespectful children even though she cannot give any examples of our being disrespectful.
19 years, and I’m fucking done trying to have a relationship with her. I wish my dad would see the real hateful person she is, rather than just try to “get along”
Your children are worth love. There is a person out there who will love you, and your kids too. Find that person. Fuck this lady.
The usual excuse, alcohol made me do it ?♀️?♀️ complete cop out. She was perfectly capable of having sex, she was perfectly capable of saying no. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but would you ever trust her to visit her parents again?
He is 13 years older than you and was never financial independent nor able to support himself. He sounds like a real catch.
You need to leave and never get into a relationship with someone like that.
I say this lovingly, but don't be such a door mat. This guy doesn't care about your pleasure, says it's “too much work,” he's scared of a vibrator, and is generally shitty.
Do not bend over backwards for a dude who clearly doesn't care about you. At 45 years old he has absolutely NO excuse for his lazy and selfish behavior in the bedroom.
No foreplay? No warning up? Just his magical dick and you doing all the work? Hell no.
You deserve better than some baby of a man who only cares about his own nut. He did you a favor by leaving. Drop him and move on with your life.
Being dramatic and saying extreme things instead of being realistic and listening to advice about your situation is what teenagers do. You’re a middle aged woman. Act like an adult. You’re allowed to cry and struggle and feel all your feelings, but who are you doing this self pity act for?
It's way more cruel to have him travel all the way to you for you to break up with him. When it comes to long distance relationship, those relationships are actually the ones where its okay to break up in a phone call.
Or you go to him before he comes for visit, and break up with him there. But break up ASAP so he can make some plans with his friends to celebrate the new year's eve with instead. (And yes it's always time to cancel the trip as long as he is not on the train or plane yet. Just pay the ticket for him or something).
And deny split custody just to hurt him some more!
Because cheaters tend to be petty and vindictive.
At some point it will be your mom pushing you away to keep the peace with him.
No one will have compassion for an almost 30 year old man dating a literal teenager, you fucking creep. You can't impress women your own age so you've become a predator. It's gross. Take some time for self reflection and improvement and maybe you will find a woman closer to your own age who isn't repulsed by her. If she finds out you date teens, though, she's gonna be disgusted by you too. You're gross.
Why did you marry your wife if you hate how she is, i highly doubt she just started crying over everything after you got married
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Maybe before you bring my child into the picture, you should ask, instead of assuming. She's met him a few times, at family functions or when we've taken her out. He's not just wandering around wasted all day long. He's highly functioning and to be completely honest not everyone knows he's like this unless they're very close to him. She doesn't live! with me and I have NOT lived with him for the entire 4 years. I JUST started living with him a year ago, I had a roomate for the past 7 years, of which we had to part because they got engaged. And I do not introduce my kids to whomever I date in the first 7 minutes. So, yeah… please do not insert your opinion of how I raise my daughter based on who I choose to love. I'm not a monster, I just love nude and I'm the type of person that has hope for every last soul on the planet. And yeah, teenagers are naked. We've already gotten past our hardship and are much closer… all in one year.
Thanks. Sorry if I haven't explained myself well. I'm one of those naturally slim people – I don't need to do an “intense workout regimen” to stay in shape, although I would disagree that contact sports are just cardio.
Regarding my husband. I'm not talking about a small amount of weight. It's definitely unhealthy at this point, just not grossly so. However, if he continues as is then I could certainly see it getting to that point in another decade. Though, all of these terms are kind of relative based on personal perspective, so I can see how things might get misconstrued.
Increased physical attraction isn't the only reason I would like him to get physically healthier. I would also like him to live! long enough to see his children graduate. His family has a history of blood pressure issues. I would also like him to feel happier and more comfortable/confident about himself.
Sorry dude but you sound super anal about almost everything. It's fine if it's a deal breaker for you. Break up. But you come across like you're doing her a big favour dating her.
I cry literally everything. Movie I've watched 70 million times? I still cry. Sad musical scores at a television show that I don't even care about? I cry. Reading a book that has a sad part? I cry. When I get really frustrated with someone else or even myself? I cry. When I feel really alone or overwhelmed? I cry. It just happens. I can't control it and honestly I'm very embarrassed by it. It's not fun to cry. It doesn't feel good. You get a headache, your eyes are swollen, your throat hurts, you're nauseous, you're tired, and you're really really embarrassed.
You knew that that's just how she is. You said so yourself. She's an easy crier and she's emotionally connected to everything and you thought she was using it as a weapon when it's just her reaction to being overwhelmed in a stressful situation? You're an ass. You knew that. You knew that way before this fight. You don't care. You said it to hurt her.
There's not much you can do to fix this. It's up to her if she wants to forgive you. You didn't insult something superficial, you insulted her character. You told her you don't like who she is as a person and you think that her emotions are a weapon. The ball is out of your court, but you might want to do some serious self-reflection as to why someone having emotions and expressing them irks you so much, and why you chose to spend your life with them. It's not a quirk, it's an integral part of who she is.
something my father used to say about her.
You're your father.
Deal with your shit. You're horrible
One of my close female friends and I had a random fling during law school (finals season always gets weird) but we realized we'd be toxic as a couple and went back to being just friends.
A year later she starts dating another one of our classmates. They get engaged, move in together, the whole happily ever after package. Then one day that stupid sonuvabitch asks her this stupid ass question and she stupidly tells him that I was the best. She tries to walk it back, point out how we would've never worked, how he's much more considerate and in touch with her needs, yadda yadda but the damage is done.
Now I don't get to see one of my best friends get married and I'm missing out on the open bar and buffet of the year, all for the crime of slinging slightly above-average dick.
He totally does. And calling out your partner in a social setting is equally as manipulative? Now she’s afraid of you.
From this post it seems she’s emotionally checked out, hopefully she can find the courage to leave.
I wouldn't say anything. He needs to be the first to reach out to you to thank you for the gift.
No problem my G
Yeah I mean, I've been with guys on Adderall and they do sometimes struggle to finish? (One of them had good luck with weed?)
It does sound really suss. (Also you should be able to say ow sometimes if something hurts!)
Have you tried doing non intercourse things? Like how do things go if he goes down on you and you jerk him off or other things that would clearly not cause pain?
I once had a crush on a friend of mine. We were both not very ideological politically (although I will say I lean left), but I started realizing that we had disagreements over topics that were political in nature that stemmed from core differences in our value systems and the way we looked at the world. Where I was more compassionate and accepting of those who lived different lives, he was set in his ways over the “traditional” attitudes and lifestyles. It really helped me get over him to talk more and more about it because it was confirmation that he was all wrong for me.
Don't be embarrassed – if anything he should be embarrassed for not thinking about you. Just ask him why it was assumed you wouldn't want to spend it with him.
Turn why the fuck are you posting here in the first place?
Also, your wife is right.
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How would that make any sense with four kids. Reddit is wild these days on dealing out “advice” lol
Since the pandemic, the only person I share a joint with is my husband. If we’re smoking with friends, they smoke their own joint as yet another precaution against catching Covid (or flu, cold, other diseases transmissible through saliva).
Not too difficult a concept , unless you’re crap at rolling.
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What was the question?
Threatening to kill himself when you try to leave is abusive and is a manipulation tactic to get you to stay. If you try to leave and he threatens it, call the police. Call the police every time. If he’s serious, he gets the help he needs. If he isn’t, which he likely isn’t, he might learn not to make that threat since it has consequences. Regardless, you aren’t responsible for his mental health, only he is. I had an ex who made passive threats like “I wouldn’t be able to live! without you” and it kept me around longer than I should’ve. But I left. It was scary and I felt bad, but I had to get out of the toxic situation. Eventually you have to realize you are not responsible for how they feel and that you need to on-line your life for YOU.
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The moment the thought crossed her mind (not the moment she asked this of you, the moment she actually thought about it) your relationship died. Game over. You just walked away from something… dead.
Why stay in a relationship that has no future instead of looking for new partners?
Now I'm writing to ask, why would a man keep bringing up something he himself said was never going to happen?
I see these both as similar questions. And maybe the answer is just “lingering hope”
I'm going to start this by saying that I'm an ICU nurse and I've worked in Diabetes education before. So I know about diabetes.
Diabetes is not why he isn't answering you. It could very well be why he lost his erection. He may have been embarrassed in the moment. That's not why he's not answering you though. If he had been embarrassed, then you sending sexy pictures showing you're still interested after what happened would have eased that anxiety for him. He's not answering you because he probably just doesn't want to. Or he had something come up that took his attention away from you, like a death in his family or medical emergency. Hell, he could be dead, who knows.
You seem to have an unhealthy level of attachment to someone you were just using for casual sex. You need to let this guy go and move on. You weren't in a relationship, it was just casual sex, and now it's over.
You seem to both love each other, so I feel you should give it a chance.
Talk to him about her excessive tags. Strong boundaries need to be set. It's also very possible she tried to baby trap him and is obsessed with him. Discuss this with him, and make it clear while you understand she is the mother, you will be the mom, too, and you and your bf need to be a unified front against this woman if she is in any way trouble.
Yeah he’s definitely getting a paternity test. The time adds up, but he wants to be sure. If a drunk one night stand happened with them, it’s possible it’s happened with others. And yeah, being a step parent is a huge change. It’s going to be difficult for sure. But idk. I think it might be cool. As I said in the post, it’s very unlikely I can have kids of my own. And it sucks cause I want a family with him and know it won’t happen. So even though he won’t biologically be mine, it’s my chance at having a family ya know? Of course it’s way sooner than we both planned and definitely not the ideal situation. It’s still new and a lot to figure out. Maybe I will love it, or maybe I figure out that I don’t and can’t handle it. But I don’t want to walk away until trying
Put yourself in her shoes. A bit of empathy goes a long way, dude.
Send her packing bro you gotta be kidding me.
Before your relationship started, it was your responsibility to explain to her exactly what your asexuality would mean for your sex lives together, ESPECIALLY knowing that she has a high sex drive. It just makes no sense that the two of you would even enter into a relationship knowing that you were sexually incompatible. Why not just go back to being best friends that live! together?
She didn't cheat on her ex either she fucked the friend after they broke up
Lol it was in the end of October, and like I said, an extensive surgery. He can't just travel on planes for 10+ hours, and he is afraid to travel so soon after in case he needs to go urgent care at the hospital.
What's his reasoning for calling into work?
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2.5 months? Just like, live! your life
Do you talk to your husband about anything? Shit what do you think you should do? Tell your husband how it made you feel. He’ll either say, “Yeah that’s grandma’s sense of humour she always does this kind of shit.” or “I can see how it would make it awkward I’ll have a word.” or some other response that you can then discuss further.
Or you can keep asking Reddit and getting 95% of responses saying they wish they could get that sort of a gift and not to be uptight because they can’t fathom people having different boundaries than they have.
this dude watches creepy porn
That’s so cool. What a cool grandma. Sex is natural, normal and fun. None of us would be here without it.
Giving people presents that will bring them lasting pleasure is a thoughtful and interesting gift.
The only one I’m weird on is the tits. But maybe it’s how I’m reading it.
Loosen up a little. Sure, it’s wildly inappropriate but life is short, treat it like the joke it is.
God. I’m so upset. I don’t want this to be it.
See a therapist together…it will not go in his favor…he needs to get a new job and cut all ties with her and maybe quit smoking weed since they have soooo much fun smoking together…might be cool for a single 20 something dude but not an older married man
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I literally stating for him to list the reasons of why he doesn’t want to get married so not just “I don’t wanna” as you erroneously state.
And if he’s set on not getting married then the relationship is literally “never marry or break up”. There’s certain things there are now half way compromises. Marriage and kids being two of the big.
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Yeah, um, you do NOT need his “agreement” to make plans. Your assumption that New year's EVE panda would be in the evening was entirely reasonable. He needs a wake up call about respectful relationships.
This is so weird, I kinda hope it’s true.
Really sit down with yourself and sort out what defines your sexuality. Not what you’ve been programmed, the actual stuff.
Beyond all of that, they are their own human being. How they keep their meat suit is between them and themselves. They share it with you. They do not exist for you.
All of that said, sexual attraction/comparability is a valid reason to end a relationship. If you’re not feeling it, exit it and find someone who fits.
Thanks, Grandma! ???
The dad doesn't help out much and she just doesn't make a lot.
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Tbh she's probably wasting her time with you. Your attitude is rude, ignorant and has a classic case of “why me” behind it.
I'd advise you to rethink your relationship because I. Your comments you show that you're so fixed in have a way out that makes me doubt if you really love your girlfriend.
You're more worried with people jugement than if your idea of a relationship will work for the both of you.
In your history and In the comments you barely talk about your girlfriend to the point she seems a mere bystander in your decision.
Before talking with her about your idea of a relationship, I truly advice you to think hard if you really love this woman or if are just confortable.
Early in the post you claim to have just had a son. Then you say your stepson would like to meet his half sister
How is this not a betrayal? It is basically accusing her of cheating without having the balls to actually speak to her about his concerns. Then going behind her back with his ex of all people…. If this happened to you or your mum or your sister I doubt you would be so forgiving and benevolent.
If she wants to get married and you don't, end the relationship. Definitely not compatible. Let her find someone who values and loves her enough to marry her. And you remain single or find someone who's ok with being in a LTR.
What a bunch of crap…. he's bullshitting you… that you even had to ask… dump him.
Not Qatar
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Leave, you don't want a partner whose love is this conditional. What do you think would happen if you had a baby and didn't lose that extra weight “real quick”?
Ask him if the circumstances were changed how would he feel? But before you do ask yourself if your willing to tolerate that. The fact is he didn’t intend to tell you.
Yeah I agree, we talked about how that was a stupid mistake on my part. I thought it would have been awkward since he knew none of them and I didn’t want to deal with it. When I look back I realize that’s how I felt and it was wrong of me. We talked it all out and I thought it was resolved but it does just keep coming up because he thinks I wanted to hook up with the guy who took advantage of me
I don’t think that you should take this personally. Things said in anger hurt the most and tend to linger. That being said, I also don’t think it’s okay that she made a comment at your expense because she is trying to lose weight and is seeming to blame you for the failure before she starts.
If you both can agree on what healthy is, regarding exercise and diet, and baseline that for both of you to support doing better for each other, that’s a start for her initial trouble. If she can take responsibility for her outburst and start taking responsibility for her own feelings, instead of blaming you, then that would probably go a long way for mending the damage done.
Actions speak louder then words.
thats what the coffee is for
its just an act of conversation
funny because (“You don’t have to be her emotional punching bag.”) thats exactly what i told her before leaving
She sounds shallow af. Id personally tell her to take a long hard look in the mirror before judging me, cause I know damn well she probably ain’t got the body of a supermodel.
He knows that is something that is a major part of my needs in our relationship, when things turn around he makes it up to me.
And my point here is that his wife isn't doing any of that. She's not even communicating with him. He said in comments that he's basically looking for any affection, holding hands, a hug, some emotional connection etc. She's just refusing it all, and refusing to talk about any of it.
If it’s a non negotiable and he’s not willing to compromise you’re free to end the relationship. But the fact of the matter is guys have a natural instinctual urge to mate with multiple females and porn is the next best thing when society brainwashed everyone into thinking monogamy is normal. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that he doesn’t find you attractive
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I totally agree with this! he absolutely is laying the groundwork.
Thank you so much this made me look at everything better. I used to think greif would bring them closer since they both were rasied around each other.
Yeah, OP should wait at least 9 months, then he’ll have a better idea…
He provoked you into hitting him I guess. You are still more in the wrong, as you have committed a physical act of violence against him, which could be construed as domestic abuse.
I would suggest that you both apologise to each other and move on from this. If that is not possible, then it would be best to end the relationship.
Make no mistake though, you did a physical act of violence against him (albeit provoked). That is unacceptable (although I agree that he provoked you into reacting).
Nobody has the right to hit anyone. If she had said, I refuse to put up with this shit and I left him, we wouldn't even be here. Maybe he's on the spectrum and doesn't know better than to make this annoying noise. 2 doctors have said another one of grandsons is on the spectrum, 2 doctors have said he isn't. I wonder which doctors are right?
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Of course she wants you to stay and figure things out. Have you never heard of having your cake and fucking it too?
Your boyfriend is an insecure baby back bitch
You are a doormat. He has no respect for you. Have enough respect for yourself to walk away!
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Well, you're not her closest friend. Her closest friend right now is probably someone she met in college that you don't know and who has her personal contact. You said it yourself, she was distant since the beginning. It might actually be because even though you were the person she liked the most, she didn't like you that much either. Maybe she has cousins she likes better, some people prefer family to friends. Or she has friends you never heard of. People who say “I won't give my contact to anyone” aren't brave enough to just say “I'm not sure that I want this friendship to continue”. I don't think you would be wrong in assuming that's a signal to stop putting that much effort towards her. She doesn't want to give her contact ? Fine, she has yours, she can contact you if she feels the need to. Otherwise, take some distance. If I'm wrong, she'll come back eventually to ask what's wrong.
How did it go with the BF, have you told him?
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sometimes it's kinder to hurt someone with the truth than it is to hurt them over and over by lying..
hurting someone really sucks, i hate dumping ppl and I've stayed too long because of it. it is so much worse in the longrun, stringing someone along
you wanted him to believe that you loved him, and maybe you recognized that this was a temporary infatuation and didn't want to make decisions based on that. maybe you know you and your friend would never work despite the crush. but you should have stayed away and worked on repairing your relationship OR ripped off the bandaid and left
instead you dragged someone through lie after lie whilst you indulged your infatuation. you hurt someone because you were a coward. you hurt him so you wouldn't need to feel bad about your choices and worse.. you're glad he dumped you because now you don't need to do your own dirty work
you need to be brave sometimes, even when it sucks, even when he will hate you for it. one day he will appreciate the kindness you did. and next time you can sleep a little better knowing you spared him from the cruelty you did to your ex
You just said he wouldn’t make an effort to see you if circumstances changed because he prioritizes BMX…and you’re still staying with him? lmao. Girl. Goooooood luck.
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You've probably got a trauma bond – which is where it's hard to emotionally detach from the person abusing you and feel unable to cope without them. the country subreddit of your location can direct you to resources/organisations that can help you escape from your situation. Use a throwaway account if you're worried about being discovered.
An acquaintances brother is like this. He marries 16 year olds because they are malleable and can be molded. It works for him for about 7 years (his longest marriage) until they grow up and realize he's a predator who manipulated and abused them psychologically. He's been married 5 times and is 43 with an 18 year old wife. Every single wife has either upped and left when he was at work or locked him out of their house and taken everything he had. I always wonder who these girls parents are because they've allowed their kid to marry this dude over and over.
There's a good chance she fucked her ex before you two broke up.
There's private, and then there's concealing your identity from someone you're supposed to be forming a leading relationship with. I would not be cool with this at all.
Please update on how you handle this assholery.
Time to walk away dude. You’ve been together 4 months not 4 years and she is so secretive she won’t tell you her surname? Run, don’t walk away from this one. There’s privacy and then there’s paranoid.
Well, this is a disaster waiting to happen man.
The only thing you should be focusing on right now is finding another place to live!. There are no solutions to this other than getting this girl completely out of your life. Don’t talk to her, don’t talk about her, if she tries to initiate any verbal or physical contact, ignore it and remove yourself from the situation. That’s all you can do.
If she ever scratches you again, I would suggest holding her arms instead of a choke hold.
That sounds fishy. Where do you think his money is going? I hope he’s simply hoarding it rather than the alternatives.
Your bf is a dick. He also can’t be good for your mental health.
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Jesus. Right? I'd be very interested to hear what she has to say.
“Well good luck with that. I won’t be involved.”
(This, assuming there isn’t a medical condition or something causing her to feel that way)
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I don’t think he asked what the consequences was of not doing it. That’s YOUR own tangent you decided to go down and beat to death.
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Nope never forgive cheating especially emotional cheating. Why even give a second chance if she hasn’t even reached out?
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This doesn't sound like a good relationship, don't stay with her
You think it’s hard splitting a life with three pets, imagine how much harder it will be after you have shared property or even kids when he will inevitably go too far and hurt you seriously. He doesn’t see anything wrong with coming drunk (red flag) to your work event (red flag) and being violent towards you (red flag parade). Are you waiting for him to leave actual bruises? Break something? Get you in trouble at work (and people will already pity you and have lost respect for you, you can be sure of that)? Where is the line for you, if not here?
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The grass always looks greener, but often isn't. She hasn't said anything negative about him that can't be all in her head. It's quite possible she is bored with herself and putting those feelings on him. It is also possible that if given the chance, her bf would love to spice up their life. Maybe the BF is stressed because he so wants to take her to that concert, the play, the rock wall or whatever, but because of finances: they need to eat Ramen tonight. We don't have all the details. All we really know is that she is bored and blames her BF for it. Asking her to find a way to pull him into something that excites her might lead to 50+ years of marriage.
I had the exact same problem with my ex-girlfriend and it never got better.
We lived together, and during the week, she would spend every waking hour after work gaming, and on weekends it would be from the minute she got up until the minute she went to sleep.
It wasn't always like that; she presented a version of herself during the first year of our relationship of someone who only gamed occasionally. As soon as she moved in, that changed completely. We would never go out together, she would constantly turn down requests to hang out with my friends and family and our sex life dwindled to zero.
I spent the next two years of my life pleading with her to game less so we could actually live! life again together as a couple. I was desperately holding on to the relationship we had in that first year hoping we could get back to that point while making myself completely miserable in the process.
I started to feel like I was suckered into falling for her under false pretences, and once she had me “locked down” In a committed relationship, the mask came off and she revealed her true self. Eventually I couldn't deal with it anymore and I left.
I completely understand that there's mental health issues at play with your boyfriend, but I think you need to face the fact that even if he gets those under control, this might never change. I know that's difficult, but feeling alone in a relationship is one of the worst feelings ever. If you're at the point of feeling like that, you may as well just be single because you essentially already are.
I hope you can work this out, but please don't be like me and waste some of the best years of your life on somebody who would rather on-line a life staring at a monitor than participating in real life with you.
If “everyone” picks the guy who sexually assaulted your husband instead of your husband, the victim here…do you really want to remain friends with people like that anyways?
Op this is exactly how I found out my ex was cheating, he is cheating and there is no sugar coating it or getting around it, plus if he’s contracted a STD it’s likely been more than once with multiple people
Stand up for yourself and go! Her controlling behaviour will ruin the relationship if you both don’t sort this out
How would I bring something like that up? It’s a good idea
I think he needs to get over it. It's the neighbours kid.?
I had something similar happen to me. My boyfriend at the time was abusive and a piece of shit, and also living a couple hours away. He didn't want to come down but then got angry with me when my male best friend came down from the same town as my pos ex, and stayed for a week, even though my sister also came down with him. We slept far better that first night they were there, and then we got a bunch of spikes etc to put around the walls of the garden so no one could climb in via there again.
Do what you need to do to feel safe.
If you've been choked once you are now 750% more likely to be killed by your partner.
What a lovely relationship
You were 18 when you got together with a 31 year old with a baby?? I mean, that alone sets you up for all sorts of unequal power dynamics. Him trying to keep you from working reads more like him controlling you than anything else.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ this!!!! And flowers and ur favourite snacks won’t change the fact that he’s cheater.
“Yes I’m at fault too”
No no you are not. You are never at fault for someone abusing you. You need to quietly make a plan and you need to get out. There is no other advice that is rational in this situation.
Used to be, in some sections of some societies, that saving sex for marriage was for both parties’ protection. If someone was going to eventually make that decision, they didn’t get to test-drive you all the way to Prague and back: a man was expected to have enough self-knowledge to know that it wasn’t going to work out before he polished his torpedo below your decks.
It was, at least officially, considered scoundrel’s behavior to have sex and then return someone to the shelf to go shopping again.
That was only ever officially true, rarely in practice; and it didn’t last for good reasons. But consider how things have changed.
Dating is at least as much about having sex as it is about finding a life-partner. Is that “okay”? You’re experiencing the down-side after having experienced the up-side.
Words to live! by
Wow. What you did was really, really horrible. And it is rooted in your own insecurity. He said his coworker has dank lunches. Did you really need to take that as a personal attack on you? Can someone else not be good at something without you thinking it's an insult to you? That's messed up of you. Really.
I don't know how you fix what you did without also fixing yourself. If my husband (he makes my lunch, they're f-ing delicious every time) shoved a diaper into my lunch after I told him my coworker gets tasty lunches from her spouse, I'd… I don't think I'd ever look at him the same way.
I think you need to accept your husband's feelings and accept that you really fucked up. You need to really mean your apology to him, and you clearly don't since “he's taking it worse than expected” and “isn't he taking it a bit too hard?” NO. You're an insecure bully. He's not taking anything too nude, you're messed up.
Do you regularly see a therapist? If so, talk to them about what you did, unpack why you did it, and figure out how to apologize for it in a way that your husband will actually believe that you're sorry. And maybe, eventually, things can get back to normal for you. And if you don't regularly see a therapist, you should, yesterday.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You are a self-centered manipulative narcissist. This isn't about you. See past yourself for once.
Walk away.
If he believes it’s in the nature of men to be sexually forceful in a way that sometimes overrides consent, then you’re going to be in for issues down the road.
And it’s not just whether he does something to you. He (hopefully) would never do something again like that event from last year. But there’s so many other situations where this comes up. What if a friend is sexually assaulted and he starts victim blaming? What if you want to do more SA advocacy and he starts making more arguments that you disagree? What if, down the road, you have kids…what is he going to teach them then?
This problem doesn’t seem like something you’ll be able to resolve, and consent seems extremely important to you and not something that you want to “agree to disagree” with your partner on.
No I don't, you are confusing what I said. He is the one telling me he loves me dearly. Yes we have to be together to spend time with each other, I didn't say together as a couple. I am now asking if I should remain friends with him since most replies here are saying we shouldn't. It don't see it being a problem being friends. He doesn't either, but he likes dropping hints.
Whatever you do, draw a clear distinction between being involved with the child and being romantically involved with you. Being a father has nothing to do with you two being a couple.
If I were you, I'd tell him that you won't have the ability to think about romantic relationships until the baby is through the newborn phase, because you won't have the emotional capacity or energy for it.
If you don't have friends or family to stay with, please reach out to a women's shelter in your area. Anywhere is better than staying with him. He is trying to baby trap you. Stealthing is sexual assault. Reproductive coercion is abuse. Limiting your access to finances is abuse. He is verbally abusive. You don't say, but I'm betting he has already been physically abusive. If you think it would be difficult to leave now, imagine how difficult it would be once you're pregnant. Get out now while the getting is good.
This actually isn’t accurate. He wouldn’t be able to make medical choices, but he could visit, and can be one of the schools point people. They could also sign a pretty simple document about the medical choices part of things, for a child. Reference: I have done all of these things with my son and my partner, also my dad, and never had an issue.
someone else’s shit particles in my mouth
I don't think you're doing it right.
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It was so hard to get through the rest of your text after I read that you guys met when you were THIRTEEN and he was a peer figure to you, and then 3 years later—he said he wants to build a life with you—a child (at the time) and no one saw anything wrong with that? He literally preyed on you.
You have even claimed that being intimate with him is off-putting because he feels like a parental figure at most.
He is sour with your job because he cannot control you when you’re working, so he tries to make you feel bad and lose the joy in your job so you quit and he control you 100% of the time.
He wants to trap you with marriage and kids, wants to make you barefoot and pregnant so he can control every aspect of you.
Please.
Please.
RUUNNNN.
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How would you handle this if a girlfriend of yours had been assaulted in this way by a straight man? How would you want your husband to handle it if you were assaulted in this way? That’s your answer.
Do you have a male best friend or male friend? Tell your boyfriend whilst he is away on your trip your male friend is going to come over and sleep with you since you don’t like to sleep alone. See what he says to that! Your boyfriend is disrespecting a perfectly reasonable request that they don’t share a bedroom. Are they too poor to get separate rooms? I wouldn’t share a bedroom with anyone of the opposite sex if my partner told me that they were uncomfortable with that. I respect them too much to go against their boundaries.
It's not nearly as very hot as you think. He's convinced you in a million ways that you need him, but it's a lie. You are strong and capable, and you will be fine without this loser dragging you down.
I didn't show up unannounced, I called me ex 1 day before, he told me where my stuff was and to come get them the next day as it was late at night, again, she struck me first and I did not lift a finger!
I didn't show up unannounced, I called me ex 1 day before, he told me where my stuff was and to come get them the next day as it was late at night, again, she struck me first and I did not lift a finger!
I didn't show up unannounced, I called me ex 1 day before, he told me where my stuff was and to come get them the next day as it was late at night, again, she struck me first and I did not lift a finger!
Without assuming your life plans, is this really the sort of person you want to hitch your wagon to, have looking after you/fathering children?
In times of emergency a partner should be able to put aside their own fears/discomfort a bit… And drive to a hospital
Hunny. You’re 22. If you can stay home and save. Stay home no save. I think the savings might be high. But one more year at home will be a life changer for your future. Don’t rush to be on your own. You have a lifetime ahead of you.
You have to stay sober, to protect the innocent child.
Get a lawyer and get full custody.
Were you born stupid or have you just acquired stupidity over time
Shut it down. Make it 100% clear you’re not OK fantasizing about it let alone doing it. Let him know you don’t want to even talk about it.
If he brings it up tell him “STOP! I told you not to bring that up”. Then if possible remove yourself from the situation. Leave the room. Go for a walk, etc.
If he brings it up while you’re being intimate then stop the action. Tell him the same as above and get up and get dressed and remove yourself from the intimate situation. Go watch TV, browse the internet, read or whatever.
Make it clear with actions that you won’t be a part of this. Do not give him any hope that you’ll entertain this. Letting it go to see how far he’d go was a mistake so now you need to do a full reverse on that.
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It seems like she did want kids tho for a majority of their relationship
No financial advice, but I will say that until you have a baby and love the life of a stay at home mom, you have no idea if that’s the way you want to live!. It’s really nude, whether you work or stay home, but you should have the choice. He’s asking you to make a promise about how you’ll spend your life without ever working in your profession or experiencing what it’s like to stay home with a baby.
should he know my feeling without me expressing it?
I would love to see more flaws in my logic. But I didn't say a year. I said 6months. For a car that will basically only be used for school transport and the occasional park that's only a couple miles away.
So how much would it actually depreciate by the time I'm trying to sell it in 5-6 months?
Because as a ballpark guess. It wouldn't depreciate more than $600ish.
So again. Losing $600 and debt for 2-4 years, vs putting ourselves in debt for 6-8 years and having payments that could hurt everything else we try to do?
What was her reaction
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The “prenup” as written is effectively the divorce contract with some marginal parenting agreements. basically, lets write the divorce then get married. How do you enforce it?. This is a me & you approach, not a WE approach, which includes the family. You will get the same on divorce anyway, so what is the incentive for the man. the legal system isn't extremely fair to men, even if the women is the divorce culprit.
marriages should be partnership. one person has to serve as CEO/CFO and the other as COO/Treasurer. CEO is looking into the future (3-20 years, things like savings, income, life insurance, income alternatives), while the COO is managing daily (0-3 years, managing the family enterprise, billing/shoping, growing the children, working on which schools to attend, social events, etc).
The focus of this marriage would be children, except this prenup is about her and her career. The children appear to be a 'oh yeah, them too” – you do this, I do this and what about the kids?. Children are your ONLY legacy and need to be that ONLY focus. Wait until the child skins their knee and runs to the nanny for comfort. WILL KILL YOU INSIDE. The primary earning has this burden, but accepts the outcome because they know that the partner has it covered, ie partnership. I am a godparent for a family where he stays home.
Earning power and existing wealth. Could be either way. He brings this to the marriage and she benefits without earning and is gifted this situation, so he carries the risk for the current and the future. Agree that she shares in the common development from marriage forward, but she gets to start at an elevated level. You know, the guy that started with a million and made 5 more. What if it were only $1000, it would not multiple the same.
Second, chances are that she doesn't have the earning power and it is certainly not the same value as a SAHM. One day, take the time to determine the SAHM monetary value and you will be stunned. Most careers never reach that tangible monetary value, much less the rewards of family. SAHM is the hardest and most rewarding role possible. Your children with your principles, not the nanny's, neighbors, etc.
I wont write much more, but We is not you and me.
The dead bedroom thing was bound to lead to this. Not your fault, but you can't be in a relationship and not have sex for that long and expect somebody to be faithful.
Should give her a second chance. But if the bedbug continues to be dead, this thing is over.
Well you're still a stalker with control issues.
This. My husband and son are both gaming addicts, but both would stop in a second if I lost one of my dogs.
OP's soon to be ex is beyond help. He doesn't love her anymore, he just wants to game. This is fine. But it does not make husband material.
Why though
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Don't do it if you can't or won't be able to handle him giving her oral sex. It is hard to handle and watch . There was a story on here a few days ago, where the husband wanted a FFM 3some and his wife caved (didn't want to) and told him to pick the girl, he did and they had the 3some and now his wife still won't undress in front of him, will change in the bathroom, won't kiss or hug him and they haven't had sex since (this happened months ago) and he doesn't know what to do. They are probably heading for divorce. If you can't handle this part of it then talk to your husband about the rules of the 3some. Good luck
She needs to get into some serious therapy and learn to take control of her life.
You need some help, too, but not nearly as much, so you can handle this properly. You need to draw a line–“You don't want me to help you, you keep getting into these situations, and I'm tired of all the drama.”
And if she won't get help, well, you know what you need to do, and it involves lawyers. For your own mental health, you can't allow this emotional vampirism to continue.
I feel sooo annoyed when he wants to show me affection infront of people.
I’d dig into this part as that could be the issue. Does this happen when just you or just him are high or only when you both are? Does he show affection differently to you when this happens than how he normally does? Do you want affection differently when this happens than how you normally want affection?
Thanks, helped a lot!! Finally created the id. But i have to take trial subscriptions, which means once I don't pay, the playlist will get deleted and the other person can't access it. Right ?
Maybe both guys don't deserve your amazing humor and grace.
peanut butter is bad for dogs? Thats your concern??? Girl what in the ever loving fuck.
No. Animal abuse is not “normal”. What the fuck is wrong with you.
I'd rather just answer replies, wasn't expecting the hostility?. And idk what you'd consider relevant context. The question was general so other people might relate. Whether or not I care if she's fucking other people is irrelevant, bc even if I said I didn't care I'd be accused of lying.
I can talk to her about any of it and I have. The relationship is open and I have no interest in pursuing something more than what we have, but that requires me to avoid disrupting what a wonderful relationship we had before we got to where we are now.
I'm a jealous person and I want to know how other people deal with jealousy, and if it's simply approaching your parter, how would one do that?
Yep the intimacy is being taken out of your bedroom. I would break up with him. What do you say to that? Especially since you’re laying there right next to him while he’s doing it. I’d feel like he chose her instead of me.
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New year new dick
Unpopular opinion here but you were the one adopting a dog while in a 4 year relationship with someone who dislike dogs (which is very respectable). Out of love for you he accepts the dog but treats it as a dog (for a non dog-lover). Sorry but your boyfriend is NTA here for ne
We don’t know. Do you trust her? Does she have platonic relationships with other men?
that the people he slept with in the past just wanted him to stick it in
Fortunate for him, you are not them people in the past and you are communicating the opposite to what he has experienced – if he is not wanting to change then I'd see this as a major red flag, potentially sounding like he is not sexually compatible?
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Have you told your wife that you would like her to stay or did you tell her that it's alright to still go? Or haven't you said anything at all?
This sounds like one of those stories where the OP has some expectations but either doesn't manage to convey them to his wife or even tells her to do the complete opposite of what he wants her to do.
People aren't mindreaders. Not even your wife.
Like what exactly is she regretting? I would have been pettier than that, but honestly I wouldn't have let it come that far, I am second to noone, if I was married and my husband did the same, I would have snipped that the moment it arose, cause NOTHING IS WORTH MY SOUL I ain't losing myself cause of a man acting all pathetic, desperate and arguing all the time and most all I'm not gonna beg for attention or for MY husband to put me first
The person you’ve described sounds like an abject loser with the emotional maturity of a pre-teen.
Not sure what you’re looking for here because all you really need to do is re-read your post. I feel sorry you have to deal with this moron.
I saw her phone open, saw I clicked on their text . they were sending nudes to each other and they were planning to meet up at a hotel the same city her sister lives in.
You should've dumped her there and then.
38 years old and can't even take care of your self with a little flu…. My bf and I are a decade younger than you, and we both don't want the other near us when we get sick because we don't want to chance getting the other person sick. You're 100% a baby lol take a Tylenol and cool shower if the fever gets that bad.
Its a cut. More wider and baggy. Google it? “Sounds made up”? What? Yes its her relationship but SHE could actually be in the wrong here!! And quite frankly, if I were doing nothing wrong I would pick my friend that I have known for YEARS before my SO I would pick my friend aswell. “YOU have to ditch your friend because I don't trust you.”
They’re right though…
communicate how you feel. not in a demanding way but how ur feeling uncomfortable but at the same time don’t wanna take your bachelor party fun away from him. also is he ok with you going to a strip club for yours or is this a one sided thing? what ever you do make sure you communicate in a respectful way.
You gotta put two “enter” lines each time
There'll be a space between the paragraphs
I’m actually in the same situation you are right now and I’m going to give it to you blunt. If a girl falls out of love with you, the relationship is over and you’ll just hurt yourself more trying to get her to fall for you again. It’s perhaps best you just move on
Yeah exactly. It’s so hard. He says he’s willing to speak to anyone he needs to but there’s just no guarantee that he’ll ever get the approval. And even if he somehow did I know how difficult it’ll be afterwards trying to feel accepted and welcomed due to differences in ethnicity. Family is a very big part of my life and I don’t ever want to disappoint them. But at the same time I don’t want him to be hurt. I’m so confused and stressed I don’t know what to do.
FYI he was married an American woman for 10 years she is local
Is this someone he is still married to? Most men who are married and looking to start a relationship are not to be trusted. America is largely based on two person relationships, does the wife know about you? Do y'all contact each other regularly? If he is still married, would you say he uses the term polyamorous? If any of the answers is no, this might be an affair he's having with you
I didn’t care if we went to 5-star restaurants or fast-food my focus was on us. Also, I love nature, I don't care if we sit outside or walk.
That's actually really wholesome I just had to point it out. I feel the same way lol.
for his birthday we went to New York
What state does he usually live! in? Is this a big trip for him? It seems like he was very focused on the amount of money he spent during the trip, and made you look back and count how much you spent because of his complaints. I was rather surprised by it seeing as this is your gift to him for his birthday, but if it was a huge trip it's reasonable to ask him to put some money towards it. If he was expecting you to pay the whole thing, he should have made that clear from the start.
he was so upset when we were back to dc that I didn't help him driving and I didn't suggest any restaurants
Again, this is starting to look like a red flag. Now that you're focusing more on paying for things he starts making accusations about other areas instead of recognizing the sacrifice you made.
He told me that is America and western culture.
You should tell him that if he's so focused on American culture maybe he should spend the time to come to Africa and visit your family some. It would be an amazing experience and he could meet your relatives. He could learn some about the culture you're from and y'all can start compromising instead of only doing what he says (because currently I would say he's in control of your relationship)
Is everything 50/50? do you calculate every penny? Also if I get married do I have to do separate grocery? And when we go out to eat separate bills?
No, it's nothing like that. If he's making you feel this way it's likely an abusive tactic. Most people will divide things based on salary. If one person makes more, they might pay for a bit more stuff on average. Some people even have a shared bank account. Groceries and restaurant bills are typically shared. I've even gone to get groceries in long term relationships, before we're talking about anything like marriage.
Again, I would encourage you to confirm that he is no longer married because it looked like he could still be. I think he is being emotionally abusive (please look it up) and might not be as healthy of a relationship as you think
I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean by “higher class”?
You make sound like she just got dressed and dipped. I would expect her at least make sure you’re ok so get you some water,soup and what nots. Aside from that is just a lack of communication. You shouldn’t assume even your wife has the same thought process as you no matter how obvious to you it might be. Don’t be mad what seems like a slight to you might just be a causal thing to her
Do NOT prioritise someone over your education, finish school, go to Uni.
Do not make your self dependent on anyone.
If he is against you bettering youself then he is not a supportive partner.
Finish yr 12, go and visit and see if anything he is saying is true, come home start uni and make a decision after careful consideration.
There are actual meds on the market now that can help him. Have him ask his PCP, and make sure he gets blood work done, because they're easier to get insurance paid for if he's diabetic or something.
I went to a Christmas party in early December and this was everyone “I’ve been so sick but mama needed a night out!!!”
Now multiply that times like 6 people and it’s a miracle I didn’t get sick.
That’s what I was thinking too.
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I have been married for almost 20 years to a woman I have dated for 5 years before that…so 25 years later, I am sad when she goes on trips. I used to lose weight. Once I didn’t shower for 3 days while diving into video games….I get it…
This being said, try and fill up your day…tell yourself you are going to go out hd do something and bug yourself until you do it…stupid things like getting and ice cream at the mall or taking a hike up a hill, or walking on a pier (and then walk back!)….it’s kinda fun to just walk around and check out your city a little…
I don't think he is as sketchy as his family is. He appears a little different than them, in a good way.
I'm just cautious because I don't know him that well, and truthfully I don't think my sister does in such short amount of time. And vice versa with her bf.
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I hate to ask the painful question but is he in this for the right reasons? 6 months and pregnant is early, maybe he felt the pressure to move in.
Jeez dude. Go take a nap
i'm an every day weed smoker and i agree with all of this. this isn't about weed, this is about you repeatedly not showing up as a partner and parent.
op, do you know exhausting it is to constantly try to figure out if your spouse is lying to you? if you're not going to quit, tell her that and let her get on with her life. you should also prepare for little to no custody (or supervised visits) if part of her “catching” you involves times you were supposed to be caring for your child.
It won't be fixed. You wanted to fuck around, and he warned you what would happen, then it did. You are merely reaping what you yourself have sowed. You deserve this. Leave him and his new love alone.
Bud, you have a full out addiction and your wife is telling you…go into treatment or I'm leaving.
Do you want to be sober? Because if you don't, quit being a lying jerk and let her go.
You were always the backup. I’m sorry.
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So here is what you do. Step 1, you make sure she can no longer take advantage of the situation.
Step 2, When she comes with arguments, you tell her what is required for the situation to change.
Have you cheated on her at all? If so, then it's understandable. If not then yes, this is very controlling.
Huge red flag that your husband didn’t immediately volunteer to rehome the dog
Sounds like a 'they' problem. I'd stay out of it to be honest
Maybe break up with him. And apologise because he deserved more kindness and consideration.
He's not like this at kindergarten
His other kid is 15. He didn't say how old this one is .
Mmm you don't know how to say no, like this the most basic of lesson that as parent you have to teach.
Also you can control what he see, in terms of what is and what is not healthy for him
And this is not stepson issue is a husband issue, you need to stand up for yourself.
Too many people think being the dominate person means doing whatever they like and telling the other person to do what they want. But being the dominate person means you are responsible for the other person. Making sure they are comfortable with what is happening, that they are enjoying what is happening, and everyone feels safe. Hence why they usually say the sub is the one actually in charge, it's not all fun and games being in charge.
Life has already kicked my ass plenty.. so thanks? ??♀️
Yep, she's a narcissist.
Honestly sis would probly be better off. OP thinks the world revolves around them.
Everyone’s really cool and we’ve all been friends since high school and through college so we’ve grown up and started our adult lives both together and separately and no matter how much time passes between get togethers it’s like no time has passed at all but idk if he could ever look at me as more than a friend and I don’t want anything to be weird if I make it obvious and he’s like mm no
You don’t give a fuck about your marriage & you’re a piece of shit. I hope she leaves you.
Yeah… that's a pretty sure-fire sign, dude. I'm sorry.
So thirsty reddit weirdos know she has a “muscular, phatt butt”. I cringed so fucking hard reading it.
Just go without him and leave him at home. Solo travel is fun because you get to do everything you want to do and not have to worry about what somebody else wants.
If she’s breaking up with you, she’s breaking up with the sweet rent free house she lives in. Give her a date to move out and move on. The way to fix problems in a relationship is not to start another one along side it. Give her options so you can heal without her child becoming homeless.
Most men are in relationships where there is no doubt. But, sure, there are men who don't have that certainty, and tests are available.
Please stop projecting, the fact you read reddit with one hand down your pants doesn't mean everyone do.
Of course you got downvoted
My dogs sleep on a dog bed next to the bed. Doesn't mean I love them any less.
Appreciate it bud, half of my thought is ending this one for good for the amount of disrespect she is showing me in 2 months, atm i am just still feel sad of missing her. I just need a push from community for which road i should take ?.
Please let her go.
This is clearly something she needs to do and it will empower her.
Personally I would end the relationship and if you’re both single when she comes back, try then.
I did't explain well, I want adopt too but I need have biological children too. Thank u so much for ur advice.
Sad
Do you think the age is significant? He didn't seem very concerned about it and said it was okay. I see it as a good thing considering he is established enough to where there's no worry there.
Well, I can deal with it! I'm just feeling insecure about it since it's still new information.
I mean what can you do, everything seemed mutual. I understand it’s her first relationship/she’s inexperienced but bringing her friend to talk for her was over the top IMO. I think you made the right call on ending things. Hopefully she can work on her communication skills/anxiety for her next relationship.
Sex is not meaningless to men, he's talking out of his ass to gaslight OP into thinking it is okay to fuck other women.
He is not the spokesperson for all men.
Then he can use his hands or mouth. Doesnt have to be toys. Hes a lazy and inconsiderate lover.
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In this day and age, 30 is the new 18. His behavior sounds like the behavior of a completely immature and inexperienced boy. Since she says he's completely great in every other way, and he has only had 1 gf ever, he could just be completely underdeveloped in this one particular area. Maybe he's on the spectrum. Maybe he's mormon and completely misinformed about sex. We dont have enough information. The lack of self control thing is definitely concerning and the physical pestering is a huge red flag but you're wrong about consent not being something you have to teach.
Some men had terrible role models or no role models. There are too many women out there willing to accept a loser, and too many men are allowed to just be losers without consequence. If the man is bad, throw him out and hope that some poor woman with low self esteem doesn't find him. But if he's good and just needs help in one area that definitely can be taught, and she thinks it's worth it, which it sounds like she does, then why not? I know most men in these posts are trash but if we don't make an effort to teach the ones who can be saved, it's just releasing an ignorant man into the wild to do damage to countless others.
Make him picture that he could literally be her father…! If this will not be enough, ask him to picture HIS daughter at her age, being intimate with an older guy, of his actual age…!
Make him picture that he could literally be her father…! If this will not be enough, ask him to picture HIS daughter at her age, being intimate with an older guy, of his actual age…!
“My boyfriend is a piece of shit, what do I do?”
That's inviting trouble. A clean break or LDR are the two best options here, what bith of you need to decide is if you can stay loyal during this undefined time.
Mostly because there is no time limit, my recommendation would be a clean break, you can still go out and meet new people and when she's back if you're both single you can catch up and see if the sparks are still there.
I wonder what the average is? I had 2 relationships before college, might be on the low side. But damn, counting out 7 relationships at that stage then bragging about it feels like a notches on the bedpost thing.
Honestly, it sounds to me like you and your boyfriend aren’t compatible. He’s holding you back from friends and interests and he won’t even come visit you to meet in person. Let’s say you do end up moving to a new country for him. He never leaves the house. Is that how you want to live!? You won’t be able to make any new connections stuck inside the house, being guilted anytime you go out. I’ve lived outside of my home country. It would have been miserable and lonely without being able to go out, explore, and meet people.
Break ups suck, they just do, but you’ll feel better once it’s over. Let me tell you from experience, you don’t want to stay friends with him. He’ll only guilt you for moving on and living your life, which you need to do. Don’t do it because of your crush, do it for you. The crush you have seems like a symptom of bigger issues, not the issue itself.
I'm sure they're close.
Serial rapists/killers often have close family members and/or spouses that have zero idea of what they're up to when they're not around. They find little hints now and again and accept the lame excuses given while they continue to live! in denial– because never in a million years would they think this person could do something so horrible… idk… this sounds awfully shady and suspect to me, especially since he's never used any of these things on you or even hinted towards it, but kept them locked away like a dirty little secret from a partner who has made it clear that they would be open to trying new things and remain non-judgmental…j/s… it's weird.
I'm joking here, kind of…
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Forces you to go on walks at night. Tells you to stop being pathetic when people are actively harassing you.
This dude should be your ex.
you're making a lot of awful generalizations about women based on your own incredibly limited experience.
Ditch her
Should I try to hear him out or end it?
End it. Your entire relationship is founded on a lie, you'll almost certainly never trust this guy. This isn't even the first time he cheated on his wife.
What do you think happened for 5 minutes, dude
No problem
Unless you live! in a country where you aren't legally allowed to have an independent bank account, sign a lease, etc, without being married, there is absolutely no reason you'd need to be married to move out of your family home. In fact, it's important for any adult to build the skills to support themselves independently, whether married or not– so even if your boyfriend was ready for marriage, I would encourage you to secure a job, credit, etc that's solid enough for you to survive on your own without your family or boyfriend.
He's not ready for marriage, as most 20 year olds are not. Frankly, I doubt that you're actually ready either in terms of maturity. Start making plans to move out of your home now that are not connected to getting married or not.
Lmfao, while we just went our 4th round, we are laughing that some of y’all are hating?Don’t read if it hurt yall feelings that you don’t get enough ? or ?
You reap what you sow.
Saying that you won’t cheat again means nothing because when you entered the closed relationship it essentially was a promise to not date others.
There is no trust now, which is part of the foundation of a relationship; you are not an emotionally safe person for her to be with.
Until you enter couples counseling and show her that you are truly remorse, there will be no improvement. If there is improvement, know that it can take years.
Until then, she needs the reassurance of knowing where you are, which is nowhere near having the reassurance that her partner has been and will always be faithful.
They do receive help from our state. My mom refuses to work, my aunt is working but she hardly contributes to bills regardless of her living in our home with her husband. I help my mom, but I plan on not doing so anymore. I know it will be hard for her but she’s been doing this for too long.
Just went through this same scenario for the last year. Things would be going great and we started building a relationship and we would both be happy then he'd become distant and started getting close to other women in our friend group to just come back to me when he realized he messed up.
We didn't talk for a month after a fight and i removed him from everything but he found a way to contact me and apologized. He really started trying and wanted to make it work. I decided to give it a try again. Things are good for a couple of months and I think we're finally getting somewhere. Then he gets distant again overnight.
We end up having a big talk and I tell him I'm done. I've wasted enough time trying to get something to work with him and that I feel like I'm just a back up plan. Every time he gets attention from another woman, I'm just dropped and I'm worth more than this.
I've tried maintaining a friendship with him because he is a good friend. Relationship wise he's terrible and self-sabotages. I no longer have romantic feelings for him and it's made it easier to move on.
Don't continue wasting your time with this guy. He's just gonna keep doing it and tell you everything you wanna hear or say things to give you hope.
Her husband and I are as distanced as we can possibly be which is why this entire situation is odd in the first place. It's very difficult to get any proof since we don't communicate a lot outside of my friendship with Mia.
Personally I think that is ridiculous. Unless she is painting her skin actually black (not tanning) she isn’t doing black face. Black face by intent is to mock and to be mean. Doing a cosplay and also being someone who tans is not blackface. It’s fucking ridiculous that this is such an issue for some people.
Why do you think he is expecting so much more? It seems like a nice thoughtful gift to me.
He’s wearing it himself, or he is having an affair. There is NO plausible reason for used lingerie to be in his car otherwise.
You want to meet another woman while your wife is out of town and you're having a rough patch and this… is going to make it better?
When you go out of town… would you be okay if your wife met an ex of hers “for coffee” without telling you? How would you feel? Would you feel as if it was sneaky, hiding things, inappropriate?
I think you know the answer…
Where does OP say his girlfriend is changing her skin color as part of the costume? It sounds like she will have the skin color she always has.
I think it might be sexual harassment but I could be wrong. Not arguing semantics for the fun of it, just there are levels to it.
I was sexually assaulted when a man grabbed me by the pussy from behind and rubbed up to my butt very slowly and rough.
So I don’t know if someone trying to kiss you unsuccessfully is assault or harassment.
Let me be clear though, it’s shitty either way.
You really need therapy
At 11pm say “I am going to bed, but I will help carry your things to your car, if you need help leaving.”
There you go making excuses for him again. Even though im just quoting what you said.
Lets say you are insecure which btw I do think you are as a more secure person probably would've left this relationship by now. Lets say you're wrong and it was you being insecure. You still gave us a whole page essay on your boyfriend being an asshat. Regardless of him wanting to be with her or not, that would just be the cherry on top of a shit pie.
He obviously needs to let go of his anger and that's not something you can do for him or baby him for it.
It’s probably more likely that he’s cross-dressing than cheating. Why on earth would he have someone else’s bra and panties in his car even if was cheating? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Versus keeping something that is “his” that he wants to keep secret.
but wouldnt that. make him… act? Lol
You cannot buy it, but it definitely happens. I doubt he was sitting there watching her dress and do inventory of her clothing/undergarments. It’s extremely naive to think this would never happen.
So, unless he is cross dressing or he’s a coward looking for her to break up the marriage because of cheating. Because he won’t do it himself. They were left with a purpose by the owner.
OP is on here to ask so that they are acting appropriately. I do not understand how someone can criticize an Asian woman's natural skin tone and not be a bigot. As if women from Asia don't range the entire spectrum of color. It looks like the GF is bring treated like a white person with a spray tan. She isn't. OP states this is her natural skin tone. Humans need the sun to survive. People with darker skin need more sun to make vitamin D. I could have dark Olive skin if I wasn't a night owl and I tan in the spring because of depression. Am I doing “black face” because I go from “fairly light” to olive tones? Of course south Asians are all different shades like most other people and because of colonialism. But it's crazy you mention skin lightening when you seem to think the GF shouldn't tan or play this Asian character that has a darker skin tone.
I felt that I was to controlling. I was bad to him, he wasn’t all perfect either. But it had a lot to do with me.
Except it wasn't even directed towards my boyfriend, not to mention my boyfriend is 6' 5″, and the short friend is literally like 5' 3″, so it looks weird when they are hanging out together.
Your friend is a grown adult who is exchanging services for free rent. I’m not sure why you think she’s being taken advantage of?
Go see the movie The Apartment.
Mind the gap
Damn he’s going to need some aloe for that burn
Your boyfriend is hypocrite and controlling. He knows the hurt this causes because he himself feels insecure, but does it to you. He even made you believe it's okay for him to do it, but not you.
This is royally messed up.
That was my take, too. Whether or not she was genuinely confused, the damage she could do to OP, with an activist cop and DA pressing charges against her express wishes once she sobered up, is just too much risk. She’s out of control and while you can’t ever be sure what she really thought was going on, the next time it happens it could cost you your entire future.
I gotta do something to occupy my mind. They're not related, and maybe don't feel or never really felt related, but I am related to both of them so I don't know it makes connections in my mind that aren't really there that make me really uneasy. Even if it's baseless and irrational on my part, I can't make it right in my mind that two of my blood relations are probably sleeping together
Since you split everything 50-50, I’m guessing you mean when you go out to eat, vacation, etc. so it makes sense the relationship is her biggest expense. So either she and you need to adjust what you spend when going out/memories that cost money aka do barely anything lol or she needs to date someone whose willing to pay for those dates.
I don’t think either of you are wrong, I think you both have different expectations. For example, in one relationship I paid more for things we did/expenses because I made much more than my ex. In my current relationship my bf pays more for things because he makes more than me. I think you guys might be a bit incompatible especially since you wanted to at first split rent 50-50 and she was making 25k. I do think you seem a bit inconsiderate but I wouldn’t call you unfair.
I think she’s doing the right thing here, reevaluating her priorities. She clearly is realizing she doesn’t make enough to money to go 50/50 on memories/dates/etc with a partner. So she needs to either get a better job (make moves towards that) or date someone whose the type to pick things up in proportion to income.
So none of you are wrong, just looks like she’s reevaluating the relationship and also what she prioritizes (budget vs dates vs 50-50). I don’t think you need to change because I think this is your nature. Some people are very 50-50 to the penny about things. Some people are not. I think she’s the latter and I think she should date someone that’s the latter.
I’m sorry that all happened. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this with a young baby. But, your husband is a danger to you and your child. He didn’t his you by accident, and he didn’t hit the baby by accident.
He may not have actively intended to hit the baby, but it wasn’t an accident. An accident is slipping on ice, not slamming a door in your wife’s face while she’s holding a baby.
And your husband made a choice to hit you. And it wasn’t an accident.
And once an abuser feels comfortable with physical violence, the violence will continue and will escalate over time. Neither you or your baby deserves that future.
You need to leave. If you have friends or family you can go to, go there. The sooner the better.
You didn’t make him behave this way. He chose to, of his own free will. If you could control him that easily, you probably would have used your powers of control to get him to clean up after himself.
Your husband is abusive. You are in an abusive relationship. And the fact that your husband doesn’t believe he did anything wrong only proves the point that you aren’t safe.
Lmao! Well his ex gf was 20 and he was 38 when they dated 2 years ago, before he met me. He finally dated someone his own age with me lmao
Joke my ass. You did the right thing.
Bet her “work crush” blows her off. Too bad too sad.
Yeah, the way you're phrasing, 'one-sided open relationship' is correct, and sounds worse, than the concept explained the long way. Glad you're over your problem, and thanks for sharing this. I will suggest her going to therapy (together) and maybe stopping taking birth control.
Happens to most guys, at some point u need to decide whether just being a companion is enough or to move on to the next guy, + then repeat the cycle. New couples have too much sex to begin with
That he's a wanker.
I mean, sometimes the person themself doesn’t know they have trauma. Therapy has done a lot for me, and I always look forward to my appointments. It helped me realize the reason I wake up in “fight” mode was because my mom and I fought every morning horribly and sometimes physically before I went to school. My body was just conditioned my entire life to be a mean bitch when I was woken up by someone else. Now when I do wake up in that enraged state (which isn’t often anymore) I’m able to kind of be like “wait a second nobody is going to frisbee a text book at ur face this morning” and I calm down much quicker before I even have a chance to be a btch
Can you not use condoms?
Sounds like a book idea or maybe some way of trying to expand vocabulary and metaphors
u/AlarmedFlounder6890 I agree, it was so direct and right in my face so I reacted. Nothing in the past has made me question the relationship and I'd like to think our communication is transparent and open.
I don’t even know if I have any proof that he abused me at this point let alone being able to prove I’m innocent. I got rid of everything that had to do with him the second I was safe.
Bro, block her and stop taking her calls. You either want to take her back or tell everyone she’s a liar? Those are your only two options? Lol. Man, just walk away. She is manipulating you. How can you not see that?
That's a reason to forgive her but that's not a reason to stay in touch
She don't fuck with you like that.
Take everything you can get from her before you kick her out. Also get tested.
You don't go to a person house the first time you meet. End of story. You meet in a public place. You have no idea what you could be walking into. Stay safe.
Good luck
Bad idea
If I had a neon sign flashing the words sexual assault I’d hang it here.
Yes, if you go on a vacation with your female friend that your girlfriend is not invited to; you are most definitely putting yours and Amy’s feelings before Beth’s. Once you date someone they come before anyone else. If you aren’t ready to make that commitment with someone you aren’t ready for a relationship. You are sabotaging your relationship. Do not make beth feel crazy for her feelings. She is 100% valid in her feelings. The fact you can’t see this might be the first clue you aren’t ready for a relationship.
I think you made the right decision. You can’t wait around for someone else to possibly change their mind over something you know you definitely want and kids is a big one. Best now (and easier, for sure) at four months rather than already having an established life with this person. Regret/doubt is normal but she just isn’t the right one for you.
So, tldr, 'my wife doesn't speak specifically how I would choose to speak'. Your intentional use of the phrase 'direct communication' minimizes any potential value of her contribution.
The B) point tells her that you're all take and no give, my way or the highway. 'I asked you to quit doing this, even though it might just be how you normally converse, so respect my request!'
It doesn't feel honest to me.
From what you described it seems like a very 'walk on eggshells' situation for her. Maybe that's the source of your feeling? Asking questions, analyzing the response and planning an action are all the basic building blocks of observing any situation.
You sound a little bit of a short fuse, or become grumpy easily at things such as in your scenario, so she's trying to approach it non-confrontationally. Lord forbid you have to eat sage once in a while.
Is there a specific reason you're hypercritical of her? I noticed you didn't care to offer up any items about yourself, or how you could improve the situation, just that she annoys you by existing.
Your question gave me flashbacks. I'm sorry you have to deal, too.
By “train the dog” he means that the dog doesn't pee indoors, and knows how to sit.
You should be happy for her!
You told her before that she can go out too.. so now she's going out and enjoying it.
She went once to the bar and now you are pissed.. you want to leave her but you can't coz of kids, wow you are a great dad!
What about her resentment towards you? Did you make her happy you all those years you were going out?
Who is the hypocrite, you or her?
You should be happy for her!
You told her before that she can go out too.. so now she's going out and enjoying it.
She went once to the bar and now you are pissed.. you want to leave her but you can't coz of kids, wow you are a great dad!
What about her resentment towards you? Did you make her happy you all those years you were going out?
Who is the hypocrite, you or her?
I partially agree with this. But the husband is a fully grown ass adult also.
He is equally responsible for putting out options to get a separate bed, and to look into what's causing the sleep issues for his son.
Right now instead, he's giving the silent treatment to a 6 year old instead. The husband is responsible for everything she is and getting the same sleep, but she's not taking it out on a poor 6 year old boy who doesn't know why his parent is treating him like that and will be developing habits that affect his relatinships in the future. As if going silent and ignoring a 6 year old is going to stop him not waking up at night. If anything it's like to cause subconscious stress and anxiety that wakes him up more.
She hasn't said anything about her husband not deserving sleep. But he's not contributing any solutions himself except mentally and psychology hurting a child because he's in a mood.
Given she's already brought up separate beds, and has the kid in therapy to figure it out… and he's already made it obvious he doesn't want to sleep in a separate bed from her, I think it's pretty evident he's showing he wants to sleep beside his wife, not be disturbed by his son, this isn't happening so he's taking his mood out on the son, he then isn't realistically talking about it, opening up or offering a single solution himself. This really reads like being a much bigger problem on his side than hers.
There has to be trust in a relationship. If Beth can’t trust you to go on a trip with your best friend of nearly a decade, the problem lies with Beth.
My advice: – Go on your trip with Amy. – Help Beth feel more secure in the relationship by planning some special, yet budget-friendly dates, day trips, staycations, etc. – Help Beth feel more secure with your relationship with Amy by suggesting some fun FaceTime/Zoom calls: open a bottle of wine, have some appetizers, then let your girlfriend and Amy bond over their shared love for you. You can do so much over video calls: play games, try recipes, etc. – Once Beth and Amy have built a rapport, encourage communication between the two. Nothing outrageous, Amy is your friend. However, if they texted a bit over a shared interest or became friends on social media, that may curb some of Beth’s insecurities.
Personally, I think the issue is more about Beth’s age and level of maturity. At 23, you simply haven’t had enough life experience to see this for what it is: a trip with a friend, a time to connect and catch up.
Finally, I gently suggest you consider your girlfriend’s actions. She pressured you to lie to your best friend by trying to control the narrative. After interjecting her control/trust issues with the trip. ?. We all have our issues. No one is perfect. Just something to think about.
She's ranting, god, let her.
Are you a lawmaker? Is she?
Then, what's the harm?
What's the harm in all other cases?
Well its this now. You can talk to him and if he agrees to change great give it 6 months if he doesn't even listen dump him.
I wouldn’t say toxic but I would say it’s unrealistic to keep up forever because as humans we are social creatures and in that need to develop friendships consistently. It’s healthy and normal. Having a community of people around you with diversity is important and I find it to be a green flag when my significant other is capable of platonic one on one friendships with anyone regardless of gender. I think it shows maturity and it shows that they care about me and their friendships. Also you never know who could end up being an amazing friend and it would be a shame to live! in a bubble where that’s denied.
Plus honestly a person who is gonna cheat is gonna cheat regardless of a rule set up like that so it really isn’t all that bulletproof as you might think. Trust is not defined by control. It’s having confidence in another person to communicate and be transparent.
At the end of the day it is your relationship and you both will do what you want in that regard but there is absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of an opposite sex. I highly recommend exploring your insecurities and also having more discussions about his trust issues so that he can head towards healing. Like I said you’re not toxic, you’re both just dealing with hurt on the inside and I think you’ll have a much more fulfilling life together if you work on it rather than push it to the side with a rule.
Like a month
Trying to control her partners behavior does make her a bad person. She did this before kids too. Why is everyone ignoring that?
Dude. I’ve had friends be jealous of other friends and the amount of time I spend on them. It says more about them than me.
I can see her having two guys who have fuck zoned her (one of whom does have a shot at a relationship but who doesn’t have one yet) have a dislike for each other. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s a free agent and OP equally doesn’t have any claim on her nor any obligation to keep talking to her.
Leave. You’ll only regret it later. You have no freedom and you’re patient. You get to know people so you can be sure of who you should be with . You know better than anyone that this doesn’t make you happy. Healthy sex lives are important and she sounds miserable you don’t have to be if you don’t want to.
OP is hypercritical and grumpy, with a short fuse.
Where are you finding this information? Is this just your assumption because you think beating around the bush with loved ones is correct?
No dude, you need to run, she needs to abort.
Is she actually pregnant? Or is she just baby trapping you/faking it?
Sounds like a last ditch effort to have you not leave her because she's desperate and loves bringing you down to her (shitty) level.
You both made up your minds before hand and actually had a discussion about it. If she has this baby you can kiss your life (or what's left of it) goodbye. You live! for her, if she's not happy you're miserable, if you don't always make sacrifices for her you will be miserable.
Don't do it! That feeling you're feeling is just fear of being lonely because you've been stuck in this life for so long it's all you know.
Grass is definitely greener on the other side and a baby will NOT FIX ANYTHING
Before, I think they were friends for a few months when I found out and called Jill about it. I’m okay with staying friends with Jill if she doesn’t bring this up again and I don’t ever have to hear about OW. She’s the kind of person that if I said it and made a boundary I think she would get it but I haven’t done that yet
Ok have fun being cheated on then
I mean, you've both agreed to it so I wouldn't call it toxic, but it's certainly an insecurity that both of you need to work on. I hate to be one of the people who throws the word therapy around but… I feel like one or both of you would benefit from therapy regarding this.
No symptoms, sure, but she tested negative for it in October. So she got it after that. While a false negative test is possible it’s very unlikely
She has been seen by doctors and they said she suffers from depression but will not take medication
She doesn't destroy anything from you, BLOCK her and DELETE her and GHOST her from your life and get tested for STD'S and move on and away from her! You owe her ABSOLUTELY nothing, and you will heal from this and will be a be wiser for your next relationship, good luck
Taking his agency or of it in the process.
She has another one up where her bf is 25, Indian, and won’t bring her to a wedding. The nightly handjobs line made me think it might be so I checked the profile
Therapy for her.
I'd let it go personally,
I would however communicate your fears about your current relationship with him. I mean, after all, let's face it, that's really why you're insecure.
Just leave the past out of it.
Let it go.
Omg. Kick him out now. Do not stay with this piece of shit. He does not own you or any part of your body. He does NOT get to tell you how to wear your hair, how to dress, or how to behave. FULL. STOP.
If it had been me, they would never find his body. I sm NOT kidding.
And then when OP got upset and told him to get out, he refused to leave. That’s not a red flag, that’s a blaring police siren.
I’m curious why this triggers an end to their relationship with their neighbors with so many comments.
Why can’t OP decline, neighbors know the boundary is set, continue being neighbors?
I agree the way it was proposed sounds awkward as hell.
That said what prevents them from being good neighbors after some time has passed and awkward moment is history?
Honest question.
She make you feel great about yourself! I don't do that but you are so special!
I have multiple sexual situations going on but you are so special I don't want to leave!
I don't like to cuddle but you are so special I'll cuddle with you!
She gave you a lot of sex because you are so special!
After the lovebombing stage, that girl will destroy your inflated ego and make you miserable. Buddy, you are not special! Stay grounded if you don't want to fall hard in about 6 months!
Yikes. So many red flags.
She's blackmail you.. call the police and have her escorted out! Don't threaten her with the cops but just call them. Don't argue with her .. you told her to leave, period. No more talk! More you talk, more she'll threaten and guilt trip you..
She could hurt herself and call the cops on you.. so be smart and not afraid!
Info: Do you have orgasms when you have sex? Is there enough foreplay? I'm somehow getting the feeling that he doesn't do enough to make you want to have sex with him, to the point that he has soured the concept itself. I might be misunderstanding this, of course, but it feels like you might want more sex too if you had a more engaging snd pleasing partner.
If that's the case, maybe you should open up the marriage snd date other people. You might discover that you actually like sex, just not sex with him.
Four months without sexual activity would make a lot of guys sour and feel misaligned with their partner, and hours on the train every week to see someone I’m not sleeping with would definitely be super inconvenient.
Sexual compatibility is so important, and being in a very new and very not intimate relationship coupled with the move, might have been more trouble than he thought it was worth.
All of this backs up what i originally said, not you. The mortality rate is still less than .1% for all women.
Yeah sure I'll go tell my 1, 5,8,10 &13yr old boys that I'm putting them up for adoption! WTF! Did you actually just say I should put up my children up for adoption! I surely hope you are not a parent! Do you know how traumatizing it is being given up by your mother? Coz I do! I am not (usually) a violent person nor a drinker. I definitely try to give my babies the world! I'd like to know how you think a few fuck ups means I'm not capable of being a mother? I might not have the healthiest mindset right now, but all I am is a MOTHER.
Two absent parents. Go figure.
You sound a little confused, and I think it is the girlfriend who is deliberately doing the confusing. I would suggest Therapy for yourself to begin with. Your person needs therapy, but very likely would be unwilling to engage, or might once again as you mentioned; twist things against you. But please get some for yourself to deal with the trauma they are inflicting on you
You did the right thing, she showed you her friend's feelings are more important to her than yours are. What you're feeling is normal, it'll all wash over soon. Also if she contacts you out of nowhere, my advice would be to don't respond unless you wanna go back through these feelings all over again. Just keep your head up
oh man, I wish I had thought of dating older women when I was 22. I didn't start until I was around 29 or so. but at 29 i kind of opened my range up to 45 was the oldest lady I dated and I've never really gone back. if i were you I'd open my range up to like 40ish.
Yes, I also agree. Where did you come up with this advice? Experience, education, other?
Thank you, by the way.
Your title is confusing.
I think really nobody should have to wait that long. Anyway, what if his plans fall through? Does that push it back even further? You could be 40 and still waiting. I'd say if you're not liking this, leave, because you will resent him.
Only place for asking that imo is if he’s taking you to a fancy dinner or something and there’s a dress code. He sounds like a jerk.
You're 19. Dump her and move on with your life.
True might as well
That’s why you had to be convinced
I'm shocked both of this people move on so fast. They divorced 11 months after the accident, and much of that time was spent healing from injuries, and 2 years later she married you? And he also go married fast? This is not getting married after a normal divorce situation. It's like neither of them processed the death of the children and for some reason, don't care about this poor girl who was born during all of that. At this point, I don't think it's because they didn't bonded with her when she was a baby. They are deliberately mean and cruel.
You can talk to a lawyer and see if Mark would go for giving up his rights and you adopting her. Maybe you can sort of play a ruse there, and after everything is done, file for divorce from your wife. Given that Mark doesn't give a fuck, maybe he'll go for it.
I don't even want to know what growing up with a mother who doesn't pay attention to your half-sister is going to do to your son. She is not just a bad mom to one kid, she is a bad mom in general.
Meh, no problem, bruh.
Hope you'll put at least some of that wage you're constantly flaunting into therapy and some basic education. It hurts to read.
Ok
What kind of help do you want? A way to break up with no hurt feelings? That doesn't exist.
Eh, ditch them.block them and move on he's not worth your time.
I would totally break up with him. This is just the time he was caught. Stop wasting more time on a cheater.
A kiss on the head is very friendship like.
OP seems chronically allergic to the idea of admitting his boyfriend did something dumb without excusing it, which is a little weird.
If me or my wife did something really boneheaded that ruined a moment (probably me) it’s not like the only two options are “you’re an awful idiot” or “it’s completely fine and was never a problem!”
Boyfriend fucked up. Now figure it out from there, don’t have to ignore it and keep wondering what made things uncomfortable and how to fix it without addressing the central factor.
Your boyfriend is an idiot. Who the hell makes that kind of joke to your boyfriend's parents, let alone on the first meeting.
Let time do its thing. A lot of us go thru this at the start of a relationship. The more you get to know her the less her past will affect you.
You both need to get educated on ethical nonmonogamy, and have excellent communication, boundaries to make this be something that enriches your relationship instead of destroying it. There are books and workshops available on this stuff and if you both want this relationship to survive opening it up to sex parties then you will have to educate yourselves and do the work. Otherwise you will be back here in a few months with a post about how going to swingers parties destroyed your marriage.
She's taking a train down the ski slopes.
I'm a typical modern woman and I have my cake and I absolutely eat it too
For the record i'm not a young woman
For the record I'm very well loved and cared for
And I love deeply and care for others
My relationships however are based on honest communication not on shutting down things that Each of us may need as we grow and change during the course of a long life
Oof, there goes your answer of “what will he do if he gets me pregnant.”
I don't want live! because I want something more physical I want to go on fun dates and whatnot
Did she go too far by blocking ? Lol
Bruh you will regret asking that question. Move the fuck on why the hell you need to know about someone past relationships when it has no bearing on the current relationship. I swear some of y’all are like speeding running to be single
Yes. As a matter of fact I've made an effort to befriend my wife's ex before because I thought we would get along. He couldn't handle it though. He was a pathetic, jealous loser who brought absolutely nothing to the table. You two would get along! Lots in common after all
I agree with your point of view on her not going. If she feels trapped by the relationship then she’s free to leave it but you have your boundaries and shouldn’t be wondering if your girl is getting ran through on some yacht in Miami. Also, Sally sounds like a bad influence so there’s that to deal with as well.
In fairness we don’t know how long in advance the wedding has been booked. It could have been booked before the date of the graduation was announced. That shouldn’t stop her family from making some kind of accommodation for her though. There is no way she should skip her graduation
This is Animal abuse.
It's clearly not going to stop.
It needs to, immediately.
The only person who is going to make this stop, is you.
This isn't something I would personally keep trying to “make work”.
You have two options – you leave him, the dog with you, or call someone to take the dog and you can remain with this frankly horrible sounding guy (though honestly if the RSPCA or similar got a hint of how he's behaving towards it, they'll probably try to prosecute him for animal cruelty).
There's no two ways about it – if he refuses to accept he's wrong, that what he's been taught is wrong, even gets mad at you these should be the only red flags you need to realise this guy is not a good person.
You had a chance in the past, maybe, to get this guy therapy and help – but from the sounds of it the only voice he'll listen to is his own and when an animal is actively being hit, thrown around and otherwise harmed.
The dog is going to end up with psychological if not physical trauma because of this – you need to act now.
Get out, take the dog, be a good and responsible person and pet owner.
I was editing as you responded to, so check my edit. But if you think that's what you need to do then it sounds like the marriage is on its last legs anyway.
Edited my own comment as well.
I'm an employer and I didn't even think of that. Probably because I would never hold something like that against someone when hiring them.
DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER DOING THIS. THERE IS NO VALID REASON.
Honestly my advice is to not talk to her and not go back- your mother is a horrible person and has taken advantage of you at every turn. Your brother is the golden child, and your mother is too sick to realize that and change.
Keeping your family low or no contact is likely to be best for you- you sound like you have worked very hard and accomplished a lot under circumstances most people would wilt under.
Please seek therapy for yourself, and put yourself first for once. You deserved that as a child, and you deserve it now as an adult.
I read the story, too. I doubt you'd be so blasé about it if it were your kids that were the ones who had to deal with an addict for a father. If girlfriend can't deal with a boyfriend who has to co-parent, then she needs to go find someone without children. Otherwise, she needs to be more of a help than a hindrance. Wanting a peaceful relationship with your co-parent doesn't make him scared. It's just better for everyone if it can be peaceful. This isn't a hill worth dying for.
Prepare for the consequences.
Why are you dependent on him??? He is a controlling AH and he has no right to tell you what HE is comfortable with you wearing. He doesn’t get to say that. There is a reason he never got with someone the year you were gone – he’s kind of a jerk. Find someone who doesn’t care what you wear only that you are happy!
This will not get better, it will only get worse. Once you show him that you'll let him control your clothes he will move on to controlling your friends, who you talk to, where you go, how you act.
Get out now because this is as good as it will ever be and it's already terrible.
You not feeling remorse or guilty gives me the impression you're ok with cheating
And if you're ok with it I wish it upon you
Old skippers/relics who jam out on Facebook when hitting the VLT'S while being spoonfed propaganda by the algorithm would like to have a word with you.
Just so you know, there are a ton of people who hit their kids who “would never hit a partner” and who hit their partner but “would never hurt the kids” and guess what… Some of them hit the people they would 'never' hit
Can you do remote work? Can he?
end it with him
This guy is abusing her and she's miserable.
There's no good outcome here. He keeps hurting her until she finally decides to leave.
You are her backup plan! Don't marry a cheater!
Her post originally didn’t include any information about her confronting her sister.
He's 36 and acts like a 15 year old. Not a good look. He's not going to change because he actually thinks this is funny. It isn't. Particularly around people he. doesn't. even. know. I guarantee you that people are talking behind your back about what a rude lout he is.