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play with my lovens [204 tokens remaining]
Date: October 27, 2022
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Your friends aren’t smart. It’s not “cool” to be dating someone 10 years older than you when you’re a minor. That’s messed up.
Just constantly give her affirmations and let her know you care. DO NOT bring up marriage or any other sort of commitment.
That's hilarious, because your orignial essay on how men are oh so repressed was exactly the same length. Guess you only like to hear yourself talking?
Well I mean how one hand your statement is true . he's the best type of person you've ever met.
And on the other hand , it means you need to get out there and meet more people.
You can totally find somebody who will be the way you want, and they won't harm your animals
Lots of things, like their plans over Christmas, school, how things are going… lots of things 🙁
She is explicitly telling you what she needs and you really can’t be surprised if she keeps pushing back in response to your not respecting her. Yes there does come a point of disrespect to your needs where a line is drawn. Space from you doesn’t mean she doesn’t need you. It means she needs other things AND you. Just not at the same time. One person cannot and should not be the sole person to fill your cup. She got comfortable and was probably looking to regain her interests and the things she enjoyed that she put on back burner for your relationship. It happens with every relationship at one point or another. But yea there can come a point of no return, remember this isn’t about you right now
Well good luck! Moving together is intimating, but it should be something you view as “looking forward too” and because you're here looking to 'prepare' for it. Things will go smoothly. Good track you're on.
Yeah, i was just thinking if the wife was something like twenty pounds overweight that’s pretty common after kids or when dealing with life issues, it’s nothing that really impacts your physical life and it’s not that nude to fix so husband was being a huge turd. But if op was something like 400 pounds bed ridden and refusing to change I’d definitely say the husband has every right to be done with that relationship lol
You’re in an abusive relationship.
I think the kindest thing to do is to be honest and end it. It will hurt like hell, but trying to carry on with her while you are having these feelings for your ex is far worse.
she doesn’t drive, and there are buses but it usually take up to 2 hours just one way (i’ve done it before) so i understand where she’s coming from. it just feels disappointing sometimes, like i’m putting in all the effort even though that’s not true. anyways. thank you for your suggestions!
He has a HUGE backbone when it comes to verbally abusing his girlfriend. It’s almost like he’s afraid to talk shit to his brother…typical.
The thing is, you are not her friend at all if you are secretly harboring romantic feelings on your side.
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Its one banana michael, what could it cost? $10?
Him: “You should wear that.”
You: “No, you should just date her. Since you’re unhappy with how I look I should get going.” Then leave.
Lawyer + Divorce is the only option left I am afraid ……
Just let the man watch the porn? Or break up. He’s not gonna stop and if he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to.
90% of relationships asks is 20/21 year olds dating 29+ people… I wonder what the issue is???
'Ads blasted all over the internet' — lol! Soul of the hypocrisy. Most guys have no problem, looking at half nude women on the Internet, as long as it's not 'their' woman.
You both need to let it go, this a silly thing to argue about, it wasn't negligence cause you were just both tired
P.S. this is not the same girl from a post a year ago that’s dead in the water, ( I do notice I have a nude time of letting go of people do) ?
She says you can't just decide to not be a part of the village. To that I say, she can't just decide your time is hers to use for childcare.
Look, it's tough raising kids without help. But it isn't anyone's job except the parents of the young child. It's doable. Pay for childcare. Work from home making a bit less to offset daycare costs.
You are 100% in the right here, and she is wrong for assuming this is going to be your job. I'm mid 40's with 2 teens, and I feel exactly like you do. They have kids, good luck! I'll be a part of their lives of course, but I've raising mine at that point.
Be mad about a relative child not being impressed by a supposedly more worldly man.
Seems you need to find a girl your own age.
It usually is the case that he speaks to friends about an issue and then gets clarity about seeing my pov. Why can’t he just value what I have to say to begin with?
It usually is the case that he speaks to friends about an issue and then gets clarity about seeing my pov. Why can’t he just value what I have to say to begin with?
i know a bunch of people are gonna say go to therapy or some shit like that, so let me throw my 18 year old hat in the ring and suggest a unique idea. do some crazy big romantic gesture with the theme of the idea being the time you two have been together, and the unique way she is the only woman that could be your partner. it shouldn’t be accompanied by some lovey dovey talk that’s easy to pull out of your ass, you know something that makes it sound more guilt trippy than pure romance and devotion. then slow dance to jazz, or whatever old people do, idk some intimate activity that isn’t sexual. you know ur partner best but i think its good to take outsiders opinions into account, think of this idea like a skeleton, and format to your preference
I appreciate what you’re saying. I think because they happen very infrequently (and seem to be in the heat of the moment, he apologised in that instance) I don’t see them as being a main feature of his personality. But I know I also shouldn’t defend it
It sounds like a first love or close to it situation so you’re not only saying goodbye to her you’re also saying goodbye to a lot of the experiences and expectations you had with this person. The best advice I can give is give it time. Don’t try and find someone else new, but rather build a new you that doesn’t include her. Hardest part, I know. Let yourself grieve the relationship looking through pictures or listening to old songs or reminiscing, but then don’t get stuck there. As you’re ready to let go say goodbye to each of those things so they don’t hold power over you.
No advice here. Just finalize your divorce, the relationship seems like a lost cause.
He can promise to sort himself out, but you do not have to be there in the meantime.
I don’t know if you missed the part where I said “the very least I would have liked from him is to say something to the dude” is not me wanting him to intimidate people and beat people up. All I want is to feel like my troubles are his troubles. You wouldn’t want someone talking that way to your mom. If someone said that to my mom I’d definitely say something, why can’t someone else have the same response for me? No one has EVER defended me. I feel so alone in every situation.
I'll tell you that stories like this don't help, I'm sorry. I know your intentions are good but I was in this person's shoes at one point but the only thing I could think was how lucky that person was to have experienced being proposed to and how I longed to have that connection with my partner. At a certain point being engaged and then eventually breaking it off somehow feels better than never being engaged.
This is the most ridiculous request. Next thing you know she will want you to stop talking to your other kids once all of them are no longer minor. Nip this at bud.
Do you really want to get back together with someone who hits you, might be cheating and is incredibly rude to you? A part of me tells me that there might possibly be better people out there than abusive assholes
I mean, some can be uncomfortable, but the idea that there are none out there that fit comfortably is absurd.
Ehhh most orthodox/extremist interpretations of religion are like that. Hasidic Judaism, hardcore Catholicism, the random Christian megachurches, they're are all about women being subservient to men.
The issue isn't the religion, it's the fact that the religion is a convenient excuse for sexists/racists/homophobes etc. to act like they aren't responsible for their affirmative and continuing choice to be shitty humans. I know many Muslims who manage to observe the core tenets of their faith without being sexist or misogynistic about it. He's just a garden variety douchebag using faith to justify his douchebagginess.
That may not be the punishment you think it is lol
Just say it has become clear to you that the two of you are not compatible. Or You just wanted to let her know that you feel it is time to move on and you didn’t want to ghost her so take care.
17 years together, 7 married. Keep your beard. If you end up staying together for the long term, this type of scenario is inevitable. Eventually, your partner gets a haircut they love but you don't (this lasted 3 years, though it has morphed to a pretty cool hair style I like now ?) or they go through different wardrobe phases that you aren't a fan of (wife beaters out and about during COVID. That phase is over lol). Mine would prefer I wear skirts and dresses more than I do (this isn't about sexism, I actually look particularly good in dresses. Even people who aren't my partner have said so unprompted). I will never change my style and he knows that. I wear that stuff on occasion and I like that he likes it.
I think it's fine to express the preference once. She shouldn't be pouting or talking about it every time she sees you. Set a boundary and see what happens. “I like my beard. I am keeping my beard. I understand it's not your preference, but I need you to stop commenting on it. Your opinion has been noted. Let's agree to disagree.”
Beards are also quite popular. Most men I know have at least experimented with growing one. If she does something like leave over this, she is going to find it difficult to find a man who will never experiment with facial hair ?♀️.
Also, don't bring up your mother's opinion as your argument for it. YOU liking it is enough!
17 years together, 7 married. Keep your beard. If you end up staying together for the long term, this type of scenario is inevitable. Eventually, your partner gets a haircut they love but you don't (this lasted 3 years, though it has morphed to a pretty cool hair style I like now ?) or they go through different wardrobe phases that you aren't a fan of (wife beaters out and about during COVID. That phase is over lol). Mine would prefer I wear skirts and dresses more than I do (this isn't about sexism, I actually look particularly good in dresses. Even people who aren't my partner have said so unprompted). I will never change my style and he knows that. I wear that stuff on occasion and I like that he likes it.
I think it's fine to express the preference once. She shouldn't be pouting or talking about it every time she sees you. Set a boundary and see what happens. “I like my beard. I am keeping my beard. I understand it's not your preference, but I need you to stop commenting on it. Your opinion has been noted. Let's agree to disagree.”
Beards are also quite popular. Most men I know have at least experimented with growing one. If she does something like leave over this, she is going to find it difficult to find a man who will never experiment with facial hair ?♀️.
Also, don't bring up your mother's opinion as your argument for it. YOU liking it is enough!
Would you say it's OK to go over house owner's privacy? Because he was willing to give his password
So you're one of those “I think I know people from extremely limited information” people.
Your brain is dying, as you are killing it with your porn obsession.
Move on i guess. You already got your answer (no answer) from him.
Do you think it’s a bad idea to take a year? I do feel nervous about the long-term implications. I love travelling but feel like there are better ways to go about it. As someone who puts career first, is this something you would do?
He wanted to have sex with her when she was sore from sex the night before. He is very insistent and if wanting painful sex with someone is not insistent, then what is? Holding them down until they scream?
Because this is fake.
We hit it off through txt, she had a mysterious profile on POF and I caught her. Think it might be time to release, though…
He told me specifically in a groupchat with one other person. Also, the chats are still there of him talking about it.
I agree, it's mostly legal. My wife and I also earn very different amounts, but by filing jointly we get to take advantage of both of our deductions on our income. Filing singly would take more taxes out of the higher earning income and not provide as large a return on the low earner.
That’s a tough choice! I’d probably do the wedding because I have a personal rule not to skip weddings. People really hold a grudge for that. Also my graduations don’t stick out as fun or memorable, but I’m no MD. Too bad you can’t do both.
That’s a tough choice! I’d probably do the wedding because I have a personal rule not to skip weddings. People really hold a grudge for that. Also my graduations don’t stick out as fun or memorable, but I’m no MD. Too bad you can’t do both.
You stop bringing it up. She doesn’t want a threesome, so either you drop it and give up the idea of having one while in this relationship or you part ways and do what you want. If you coerce her into one then you’ll end up single anyway.
You stop bringing it up. She doesn’t want a threesome, so either you drop it and give up the idea of having one while in this relationship or you part ways and do what you want. If you coerce her into one then you’ll end up single anyway.
I tried to help him. I was very understanding, I gave him space, asked to go for a therapy, I promised not to judge him. All I wanted was not to be lied to. If it is addiction, then how can I convince him to look for help? He said he's too embarrassed to go to see a doctor. And I can't help him, and he doesn't want to see a doctor, then what's the third option?
Wait wait, within roughly a year and a half you'll have met her, moved her and her kids in with you, and married her?
That's a ridiculous timeline and this marriage, if it happens, will probably implode in a similarly sped-up manner. You're just getting to actually know each other ffs.
If you're set on this crash course, see if you can at least get her into premarital couples counseling. Blame it on your anxiety if you want to, but there are red flags all over the place and I don't see that you tried to address any of them.
She is going to fall into old routines and nothing will change if you keep up the pretence of a relationship without the intimacy you need that she does not. I’m not sure it’s even possible for her to make the decision with you living there fulfilling her needs while ignoring your own. I think you guys need to stay apart for a few months so you can both reevaluate whether the relationship can work because there are valid issues on both sides, and you’re only making things murkier by being in a halfway relationship.
That's up to you. But talking to both won't work. Commit one way or the other.
Yeah, I honestly think there's a lot of fake stories intended to portray trans folks as dishonest and reinforce needing to disclose from jump. I've got shit I would disclose before sex but would be embarrassed to reveal on a first date or having many people know so I think there's definitely a middle ground.
What do you mean?
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is also related to both autism and adhd. My husband is on the spectrum and a lot of op's post and comments reminded me of him.
Once he was unofficially diagnosed things started making so much more sense and he was able to take proper steps to function more productively.
Reject that idea.
I would have a nude time doing that for a family member, let alone someone I have barely dated.
If you’re soul mates and supposed to be life partners, then this is just the beginning. There’s nothing to do but to stay on the road and keep working at your relationship.
Instead of fixating on your fear it won’t last, continue to put effort into understanding each other. Identify your weak points as a couple without the hearts-in-eyes and work on them. Discuss your long-term plans and goals, and talk about how you’ll achieve them together. Think about what you want out of life and how you’ll make that happen within the framework of a relationship/how you’ll make space for you to do those things yourself (with his support, hopefully). Talk to him about your enthusiasm for the relationship and check in on how he feels.
There is your out, just say landlord said no and I can't afford to lose my home!
Ummm. Why is she friends with homophobic people?
Technically yes it is your fault they dumped her but I think they would have found another reason sooner or later…
Crimson flag bro
You’re 26 and dating a 46 year old taxi driver, and he think HE can do better?!
He’s negging you.
Sorry, why are you with this loser?
My mom’s ex gave her herpes and now she is happily married to a man who is kind and successful. But honestly, it would be better to be single than continue to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like this.
My bf takes a lot of pics of me.
I really hate it.
This should be taken into consideration by him.
Whenever we go out for date nights, my gf picks which photos we kept/delete.
So, I don't think its completely abnormal to say “I don't like that photo of me, please delete it.”
Regardless, if you feel this is a you problem, this is should become his concern as well. You're sensitive about it, so that sensitivity should be understood / handled appropriately by him.
Its a basic request by you that he is refusing to respect… Especially if he takes a lot of photos without warning.
Honestly we aren’t friends.
He just got out of a relationship. Maybe he’s not attracted to me.
We’ve gone out…
It's not about boundaries of not boundaries. He is saying it's a deal breaker. The question is, is going to the bar a deal breaker for you? I'd be willing to bet an ex of his gaslit him about being insecure while simultaneously cheating on him during nights out
Aside from her being upset at seeing that – which is fair especially if you haven’t talked about it much or she’s never caught or seen you before – I’m concerned that she’s taking so long to “process” this. A week is such a long time to give your partner the cold shoulder! It seems like she’s not actually processing, she’s just ruminating in her negative feelings about it. You mentioned she has trouble articulating her feelings, which is valid, but she might need some help figuring out how to think through this even in her mind. Likely she’s having an instinctual reaction and sometimes it goes like “I’m having these bad feelings, so this situation is bad and wrong” when it should be “I’m having these bad feelings, but this situation is not actually so bad so I should consider why I’m reacting this way.” She might be struggling with logic here and feeling overrun by emotion.
I caught my partner looking at porn a couple times, strangely not masturbating, just watching, and I was upset for about an hour afterwards.
Sorry he did that to you. Hope you gave him hell and peed in his cereal
Hey man you may be right. Just telling you what I'm hearing from my Tinder boys.