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  1. I personally make it a rule to Not associate with people who openly admit they would unknowingly drug, lie about, lace, or tamper with someone else's and especially my food! For me that is an absolute deal breaker due to boundaries and trust issues. I need to trust the food I'm eating and the people cooking it or I couldn't date that individual.

  2. It’s your choice to have an abortion or not. It’s not his, it’s not society, it’s yours.

    It’s also your choice to stay with this “man”, but I would hope you know to get the fuck away from him as fast as possible. Maybe he won’t hurt your kids but no mom in a couple of months or seeing their mom being abused is really bad for them.

  3. Yeah. I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and only 2 years younger than OP, but I’m no where near ready for marriage, my partner even less so. BUT we’ve at least seriously discussed the future and have a general timetable of how we want things to go. Especially since I want to cohabitate for a good year, maybe two, before I get that ring.

  4. It is over. You said couples counseling was your final straw and he refuses.

    So it sucks but take what you have left of yourself and leave .. or be his doormat forever.

  5. It's a proven incorrect opinion that he is holding because he likes the feeling of superiority it gives him. How is this not a clue to misogyny? If you're ok being with a misogynist, prove him right and stay with him.

  6. u/Illustrious-Start487, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  7. I know he's not leaving his girlfriend for me and I I don't want him to. I've come to the realisation that this isn't healthy and thats's why I decided to go to therapy. Really hope it will show me where my desire for that adrenaline comes from and how I can grow from this so I can become the person I want to be. Thanks for your advice and honesty, I appreciate it.

  8. u/umisar, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

    The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.

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  9. They have their sides and can require some patience. However they're good people and good parents and I visit them regularly

  10. Would “not attending if he is” be an option? Or would your family be really upset? Also could figure out a time to come where he won’t be there? I understand families that would be absolutely appalled if you didn’t come to holidays lol so that’s why I ask.

  11. Assuming this is real, it sounds like you're just freaking out right now. Maybe take some time to yourself to calm down. Is there any way you can speak to his therapist, or find a therapist yourself to help work through this? Maybe there's a couple's counselor who specializes in things like this, too.

  12. Hello /u/Majestic-Secret-80,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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    We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:

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  13. No you idiot. I read the OP's post that he wrote. The starting point for everyone responding here. You want me to glance through the fucking comments to find a needle in the haystack to support whatever the hell you're talking about.

  14. Hello /u/zeflap,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

    Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly

    Posts must:

    include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and

    request advice in real situations involving two or more people

    We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:

    [##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:

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  15. I’m here because I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends or family because they would murder someone just for looking at me offensively. Their opinions are too biased. I know I’m right, I was hoping someone might have a different perspective that could help me put my foot down.

  16. I brought with me basically nothing (maybe ~$1000) and was fine. But yes, they do only provide the airfare for one of you.

  17. She said he saw a text saying he was happy for her relationship… so he just breaks up with her with discussing it? And then comes back? Immature.

  18. You didn't get the ultimatum from him though did you? He may be quite happy for his Mom to dissown him or maybe he actually wants you to convert too. The one thing NOT to do right now is stop talking as you have no idea what he wants so what are you 'digesting' is unknown.

  19. I think it depends on the area you live in. In the Midwest, college kids still stay at home often, but those that choose not to go that route, and even some on college, usually get houses or apartments together. Our 22yo. Moved home for a year after a bad breakup, but then moved out again. It’s not fun to work 2-3 jobs, but it is possible to make enough (at least in our area), to on-line with others or alone if you choose to. Cell phones, streaming services, etc.. are wants, not needs. Maybe with some saving and rearranging of spending, OP could start making a plan to be more independent. Growing up can be naked, no doubt. Life has become very expensive. Let’s be real..I’m an adult and work two jobs to help support my family. My husband also works full time.

  20. Ask your wife to challenge her to do polygraph to expose her lying self. Otherwise you need to go at least LC with the family.

  21. Really? Damn I’m trying to make it super obvious by complimenting him when I do see him! I literally see him look at me and I’ll look at him but ugh ok so should I add hey well you should text me if you find out anything? Is that easier? To prompt him to ask and said sure yeah let’s exchange numbers

  22. You’re so right and I do agree 100% I just can’t find the courage to do it but I’m trying to do it! I want to post an update next week because I will see him but I think it’s I don’t know what to say because there’s either kids around to staff around us. Lol

  23. This is a mood. If he really has been through as much as OP says, he probably doesn't talk about that until he's comfortable. Can take such a long time for someone to open up, and what will she do when he does? I feel for him. OP's wording makes me uncomfortable

  24. I have no idea how someone is thirty five years old, and is like “Oh, gosh…I didn't know that if my ex sends me pictures of how good he looks with his shirt off, my husband might get mad. Who knew?” Are you truly this lacking in common sense, or are you pretending so you can keep up plausible deniability? If you took a poll of a hundred fourteen year old girls, and asked them if their boyfriend would be upset with them for getting a shirtless pic of their ex, at fourteen they would all already know that would upset them. It's insulting to other women for you to pretend to be this dense.

    And the reason I know this isn't in good faith, is because anyone with any real common sense and who cared at all about their husband's feelings, if something like this happened which we're pretending you had no idea would upset him, but then he did get upset for reasons that really do make sense, you would be apologetic and trying to make things right. You wouldn't be looking for internet strangers to tell you he's overreacting so you can weaponize and use it to win the argument. You being right about something in which you're clearly wrong is more important to you than saving your marriage.

    Send your husband here. He's the one who needs advice.

  25. I have no idea how someone is thirty five years old, and is like “Oh, gosh…I didn't know that if my ex sends me pictures of how good he looks with his shirt off, my husband might get mad. Who knew?” Are you truly this lacking in common sense, or are you pretending so you can keep up plausible deniability? If you took a poll of a hundred fourteen year old girls, and asked them if their boyfriend would be upset with them for getting a shirtless pic of their ex, at fourteen they would all already know that would upset them. It's insulting to other women for you to pretend to be this dense.

    And the reason I know this isn't in good faith, is because anyone with any real common sense and who cared at all about their husband's feelings, if something like this happened which we're pretending you had no idea would upset him, but then he did get upset for reasons that really do make sense, you would be apologetic and trying to make things right. You wouldn't be looking for internet strangers to tell you he's overreacting so you can weaponize and use it to win the argument. You being right about something in which you're clearly wrong is more important to you than saving your marriage.

    Send your husband here. He's the one who needs advice.

  26. He's trying to start a fight. He's pissy about the Dr comment to save your life.

    He's acting like a brat because you hurt his feelings and he's unable to articulate it and now he wants to fight because he thinks you should die and stay faithful to him or some other dumb boy logic.

    Seriously. I dated a very emotionally immature man. This is exactly the shit he'd start fights over. A comment made during a show or a movie would get twisted to me being selfish or blah, blah, blah…

  27. Nothing you’ve said indicates that she doesn’t have real feelings for you. Try not to worry about it; jealous can quickly push people away.

  28. OP, don’t be gulity, you are allowed to leave for any reason , talk to an lawyer about the money tho bc he might be able to sue you for it.

  29. You’ll prolly lose your friendship and age gaps never go over well on this subreddit so I would steer clear of this place tbh.

  30. Well, there really is not any magical solution to this.

    The fact is that you obviously want to date a guy that models your dad. You want someone that can provide (not for you) but just having the capability to be a provider. And you want someone that has that work ethic and independence that comes with it.

  31. Well, let's face it this move is a step backward from your perspective. You had a boyfriend that lived on his own and now you have a boyfriend with roommates.

    You should just say “I'm glad you get to keep your support system but it feels like a step backward to me. I'm not looking for a relationship that is only going to get more complicated. Like, what happens if we want to move in together? Does everyone have to find a new place all of a sudden? Are you going to be hesitant to take new steps with me in our relationship because of your living situation? It just doesn't seem like you all have thought through how much privacy you are going to lose and how much more intimate the living situation is going to get.”

    If he gets defensive or upset or anything but understanding of your position my advice is break up with him and spare yourself the messy drama that will come if you stay together and he decides to play Three's Company with these two friends.

  32. Ugh, what a horrible situation. I suggest separating your finances from your GF's so she only has access to her own money to support her sister, and don't cut your GF any slack on your shared expenses either. If you have plans to get married, postpone them indefinitely. I personally would end a relationship over this. I'm sorry.

  33. Don't wonder if you're “asking too much” from him, ask yourself why are you putting up with this for that long? Life's too short… pack up and leave…

  34. You should know what he likes. Give him more of it. Be ready to step up financially when you get a job

  35. Holy shit the top comments suck. One, 110 is super skinny for ANY height, and two, the people telling you to “just lose weight” are ignoring the bigger problem here.

    170 isnt that bad. I'm 185 (5'5″) and I always get called “thicc.” It's still a decent weight. Yes, it's drastically different from 110, but it's not fucking obese or anything.

    ONTO THE ISSUE. It's pretty shitty of your partner to stop being intimate with you because of weight gain. If he really loved you, he would accept you for who you are. If he really loved you, he would be trying to find out why you've gained so much weight, since usually the reasons are because of depression, eating disorders, anxiety, etc. And if he wanted you to do better, why not help you?? Like, “Let's go to the gym together! Let's make healthier meals! Etc etc!” Instead he doesnt think that you're worth sleeping with now, which is a HUGE issue.

    I'm not telling you to separate, but you should really, really evaluate your relationship and how he sees you. And fuck these comments saying “just eat less calories, eat less food, just this and that, etc…” I used to be 205 and FAT and I've been working extremely very hot for the past couple months. It takes WORK and it's not as simple as “eating less,” and you have to want that for yourself, but if you have shitty things going on in life, you wont want anything, including better health. Best of luck OP.

  36. I mean, she's 34 and has ostensibly been in bands for quite a while. If she sucked as badly as you are describing her here, what bands would play with her and who would join her band? You sound like you're jealous.

  37. I mean, she's 34 and has ostensibly been in bands for quite a while. If she sucked as badly as you are describing her here, what bands would play with her and who would join her band? You sound like you're jealous.

  38. Uhmm that is the cutest thing ever?? I wish I had a partner do that for me. What an unappreciative & inconsiderate jerk your bf is. Make sure to tell him how it made you feel. No partner should make you feel worthless for putting in efforts to do fun things.

  39. Yeah very true. She has major trust issues due to her last ex I guess he ended up being married lol she’s been through some shit. I never really cared like I said I’m not upset about this and I tell her all the time we aren’t dating she can do what she wants. It’s why my gut feeling is to play it out see what happens I’m not judging her what so ever but honesty is huge in any relationship

  40. He is an amazing and understanding, caring, loving boyfriend in all aspects of our relationship

    Your entire post contradicts this statement right here.

  41. All I have to say is he really thought he ate that. Now go out and have fun being single you’ve seriously deserve it and have dodged a massive bullet.

  42. Just tell her you didnt mean being disrespectful, but you dont see a difference in her asking for vasectomy or you asking for a tube tied. Tell her the both of you need to mend this relationship first before discussing difficult decisions like this and this is not time and place.

  43. I've been the female friend in this scenario. My housemate at university was in a relationship since before we met. We got close at uni, never ever anything other than platonic. I love him like a brother, he irritates the shit out of me, and me to him likewise. But because we had this friendship, his girlfriend never took to me. I assume she felt threatened but she never tried to get to know me, she just tried to make him stop being friends with me. If she'd got to know me, she'd have seen there was never a cat's chance in hell we'd ever get together like that. The way he dealt with it was after we left uni and went our separate ways, he'd call me to catch up from the car on his way home from work, and sit outside in his car when he got home because he couldn't go in the house while on the phone with me, because she'd hit the roof. Once he was away for work and was driving home past the town where I live, so he diverted for a coffee with me and then told me he'd told her he was stuck in traffic instead of telling her the truth.

    The difference is, I told him 'what the fuck are you doing that for – she already has a problem with me, this behaviour is not going to help that, you're going to make her more insecure, stop being a dick'. I think he took my advice because a few years later, I got invited to the wedding, gave her a hug, told her she looked beautiful, and it's been ok since. We'll never be close but I was eventually given the opportunity to show her I was never a threat to her relationship.

    Now, the point of my story is it could be totally innocent between them, and your boyfriend is just immaturely handling it, like my friend was (he was basically trying to have an easy life by hiding his contact with me) but unless you're given the chance to meet her, and get to know her, you won't know – and he's actively preventing that from happening. Whether they both decided or just him, that's a little red flag in my opinion. I've been her, and I wanted the girlfriend to get to know me and see that I'm not going to create issues. You also want that, it's him saying no. I'd ask him why.

  44. The fact you think people, whether man or woman, should stay in an unhappy marriage just because it’s “marriage” is concerning.

    The fact you also think marriage is only a FINANCIAL COMMITMENT for men is also concerning. As if it’s not a financial commitment for women?? But lemme guess, you’re the type to think women are “gold diggers” who use their husband for money, while conveniently forgetting that some men want the traditional “I work while you stay home & take care of the house &/or children” so no duh, he pays for her things.

    Good job outting yourself as that lowly guy too btw.

  45. She hasn't been back to the gym in quite a while now so that might not be possible, and while I see your point, it's mostly the mixture of insulting her husband and complimenting my bf's appearance that makes me think she wasn't just being friendly

  46. Tomorrow happened already. That day passed.

    Yea, but I saw he read my message about my asking him what it is. He only read it.

    How am I supposed to take that message? And now with what he’s doing… changed his mind?

  47. He’s not rude and unpleasant to be around like he used to be. And he doesn’t treat people badly anymore like he used to.

  48. you have been emotionally distant for 3 years when you said :

    every time that something was happening I always found support somewhere else.

    That would make you emotionally distant during the years of your most trying things in your life, you didn't feel comfortable discussing them with your SO.

    I think that is where the commenter was coming from.

    Not letting someone you call an SO, in on your most scary/trying times, is being emotionally distant.

    Your bf might take the past as “well, why should OP talk to me, they haven't bothered in the past, so why should I bother to care now?”

  49. “I just know what he wants or expects from me”

    Do you do it because you want to or do you do it not to disappoint him? Also that sounds like he has you well trained no?

  50. You are a flipping genius for dumping him now. Don't waste your time on that derelict. You don't need him. Be good to yourself and have one less thing to worry about. Dump him, dump him, dump him…

  51. Run, Just Run!

    Red flag city this is! she just wants to use you for the apartment nothing more nothing less!

  52. This is how you know you and he aren't a good longterm match. Like it or not, your zeal on this is outside of the norm. While not everyone wants kids, burying loved ones does tend to make one think about the value of family. See, people who had happier childhoods than yours don't have a visceral aversion to familial things. But don't disabuse yourself that he's the only one being “selfish” here. He's entitled to his views just as you're entitled to yours. Unfortunately it just means the two of you need to break up.

  53. I don’t get her problem. Like: at all!!

    He’s not her boyfriend. He’s her brother.

    I would be glad if my sister dated my best friend. Because I know for sure he’s a good dude.

  54. He’s not a partner… he wants his cake and to eat it too! Consider yourself lucky he called it off because he will always cheat and yes it’s cheating not open where there are no ground rules and everything is slanted towards him. Find yourself someone that wants to be with you!!!

  55. Yes. And the manipulative lies that came with it. It was a black vortex that took me 2 years to break free from. I thought he HAD to love me of the sex was that good. I was so so dumb.

  56. I feel like the nature of this crime means the “reformed” person has absolutely nothing to gain from admitting to any remaining urges or speaking up for assistance if any urges return. If they did, anyone who doubted it will have no room to still doubt, children will become even less accessible, and what ever illusion of stability the family has regained will be dissolved.

    They'll never be trustworthy because they can never risk honesty.

  57. Thank you for your kind words! Maybe I’ll try to find a good time to bring that up. Come to think of it, most stable relationships are built upon truth and communication so maybe my biggest problem is my own anxiety fueled what-ifs ?

  58. Thank you for your kind words! Maybe I’ll try to find a good time to bring that up. Come to think of it, most stable relationships are built upon truth and communication so maybe my biggest problem is my own anxiety fueled what-ifs ?

  59. Thank you for your kind words! Maybe I’ll try to find a good time to bring that up. Come to think of it, most stable relationships are built upon truth and communication so maybe my biggest problem is my own anxiety fueled what-ifs ?

  60. For starters? She did not tell him she was tracking him! Think about that. There's more. But think about that. I'm sorry. Respectfully.

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