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Date: October 30, 2022
Ummm…my Christmas dishwasher is arriving today and I’m pretty damn excited. But I’m also kind of old and tired of my crappy dishwasher, and I got my husband a snowblower for Christmas, so we are boring together.
he showed no affection and passion and desire … I need someone emotionally available and that’s just not him
This is EXACTLY why I left my first husband. I loved him and he was a good, decent, caring, man. But I know me, and I need a man who feels things to the hilt – who’s warm, who’s PASSIONATE. You know – actually shares his fears and worries and griefs with me, not just the surface “polite” stuff; who smiles with his whole face when he sees me, not just wrinkles up his eyes in a polite “colleague smile”; someone with a raging appetite for the mess and the fun and the filth and the glory.
After eight years, I finally realized I’d never be truly happy with him, and I left him. He was heartbroken. Only time I ever saw him cry.
And yeah, it was really REALLY very hot to hurt him, because I truly loved him and wanted him to be happy. But that’s also why I left – because yeah, I want to be happy, sure, but also because he deserves to be with someone who fucking MADLY LOOOOOVES him, who wakes up ecstatic to be with him, who actually ADORES all the things about him that I just wasn’t truly compatible with.
And that’s the key to how you move on. Because if you know – if you KNOW – that he’s not right for you, then every day you spend with him is a disservice to him and you both. If you care for him where it counts, you have to set him free so he can find someone who’ll love him madly for all the reasons you can’t.
Good luck OP. It’s hard. Really fucking very hot. I’m sorry. But it’s the kind thing to do, I promise.
PS FWIW, I’m now married to a man who is everything I never dared to even dream of during those long, lonely, unfulfilled days in my first marriage. He and I laugh like hyenas together every single day, he’s loud and communicative and hilarious and unapologetically weird and I love him more than I ever thought I could love ANYONE and I hope you get to find your version of that – and that your current person does too.