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PLAY WITH MY TITS [63 tokens remaining]
Date: November 1, 2022
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I understand that but I also feel a lack of effort on his part
Okay, here's where you're rubbing me wrong. The way you're talking about this is like “victims owe society to put themselves through the system because they were raped”.
There's been extensive work looking at the “re-victimization” process that happens when victims turn to the system and of course, there's no promise it will accomplish anything.
So, while I get that you're mad at yourself. I recommend you work towards accepting that what you did, was more than likely in your best interest and may not have prevented anyone else from suffering.
Because right now, you come across like other rape victims “owe us/you” to come forward to protect other people because you feel badly that you didn't.
Ha! I got lost in the chain. My bad.
The comments you’ve added to this…hun this is emotional abuse at best
Rape jokes, gaslighting your legitimate hurt at cheating, your own trauma and his saying all the right things but doing none of them…? Please, get out.
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It does seem pretty controlling, but have you tried inviting her to these work outings? Perhaps if she sees what they’re like, she’ll feel less insecure about it.
Some of the comments here are way out of line. Saying that the husband doesn't care about the baby or her? Take what redditors say with a grain of salt, most of them have never had contact with a member of the opposite sex. Your husband is being a douche, you just need to tell him that. The joke he made was out of line, but he may of nervously been saying it to lighten the mood. You must remember that this is all new to him aswell and his thoughts are all over the place. If before the birth you and your partner had sex frequently he may just be used to that, there are plenty of other ways you can both enjoy yourselves until your body has healed. You need to speak to him about how you feel, and work things out between yourselves.
There are waaaay better ways to get drugs. Dude is either sexually confused or is just straight out lying
Why keep the baby? You have the choice to give it this kind of father and to struggle in life raising it. Or opt out of it.
I personally don't understand why women go through pregnancies with men who abandon them when they don't have to. When they have other options.
My mom did it 3 times with a complete loser. And the kid always pays the price.
It's not a noble choice.
Apparently not much if you think that voice raising is abusive
It's a horrible idea.
And stop having secrets from your wife. You need 100% openness and honesty.
I would suggest you get into therapy. You have poor boundaries which usually come from trauma.
Your text to the dude sounds rude too…if you want something serious with him…you should say so …otherwise it sounds like you don't care one way or the other
Just because your body does not look exactly like what he fantasizes about, it doesn't mean you're sick, ugly or anything. I hate these comments. My husband sometimes has these moments where he worries I'll get diabetes, cancer, become obese if I eat too much of the unhealthy stuff I love (mayonnaise, fatty foods) and it's so hot to explain to him that eating those once or twice every two weeks is not gonna make me sick/ugly/die any time soon… That we argue. He does it out of concern for my health but if I interpret his comments as the slightest hint of some vanity or body shaming coming from him, I shut him down quickly saying I am both healthier than him (did a checkup recently) and I've only looked better and better since we got married.
I know how you feel about the unsolicited comments about your body. Do not let him blackmail you “if you don't look like I want you to, I'll leave”, don't let him destroy your confidence and all of the hard work you've put into being healthy. You deserve so much more and he needs to learn that physical appearance does NOT define anyone's worth. Leave him if he doesn't learn this soon, trust me there are great men who will appreciate you and will care about you being healthy, not your appearance.
I understand being hesitant but that’s not how a healthy relationship works and I told him that. You can’t just “half” give to your girlfriend. I am not the same as her and he knows that
Ok this guy creeps me out. He sounds like a child molester or pedophile getting excited to think about his daughter going down on another girl..
What father does that Is her mom still around? If she is tell her whats going on and get that kid far away from him
He will be acting on abuse if he gets a chance. Next after you get daughter safe.
Run
Away from him break it off pull all your resources get your own place
And do not get preg by the dude
Yep that is what i have in mind as well. I cant quite repress my sexual attraction with women. Sex with him feels great, but as you said something is missing since there is a strong affinity for me to think about having sex with women as well. Well noted on further exploring some bisexual community for more advice.
Thanks for replying!
The person who could help you the most is your sister in law. Tell her that since they’ve been dating for awhile, you’d like to get to build more of a rapport with her bf and ask her what she thinks of that idea and if she likes it, ask her for suggestions that could help with that.
Love your dad!
I'll bet you never give him oral back because it's not a woman's job to service men sexually like some kind of dehumanized sex-object.
Literally 0% this is real.
Adds the strangling comment in comments to get more drama.
Then adds he's autistic.
It's clearly fake.
The other unfortunate thing is because of the financial situation she ends up back at her alcoholic parents
I think for most people that would not matter. I’ve never, ever met someone who drinks first thing in the morning, no matter what day of the week it is, that has a normal relationship with alcohol.
u/RominaAndDot I got a notification from your reply but I can't see it, same thing for other replies: I just wanted to add that I'm not looking for love somewhere else and want for things to keep going with my GF. That's the reason why I hoped for a way to reduce these emotions, because I've known that friend for years and it seems horrible to just stop altogether to meet. But of that's the only possible solution… what could the best way to tell her that? I can't just ghost her. Once again: I'm not in a relationship with her, nor do I wish for an actual one of any kind.
And what if it was my birthday? Would it still be okay? He knew it was a special day for me
I might be the weirdo in these times……….but I don't think it's appropriate for him to ask about sexual experience questions after 2 weeks of dating. After a few months? Sure, whatever. The irony is that he thinks you're sharing too much.
Idk, he seems rather exhausting to be in a relationship with. You never know what he may find triggering from one day to the next, from one conversation to the next.
I agree, just don’t expect that to happen in 3 months.
Right. It sounds like she was still very young in this last relationship. And – I’m sorry, but I just don’t think 21/22/23 yr olds have any business getting engaged and married. Your frontal lobe hasn’t even fully developed! So yeah, it’s good that they didn’t just get engaged to move in together, bc it wouldn’t have been the appropriate time for her.
How about you get to that age first and see if you're still together. Then start thinking about marriage.
Either she's just not interested in you (so it's just an excuse to let you down easier) or she really is telling the truth, she has had past traumas and she probably is not dealing very well. She probably can sense that due to her past unresolved traumas, she may end up hurting you worse so she definitely needs therapy and not a relationship.
If I were you, be glad she lets you go, mate. She probably can sense (if she's already on therapy) that she's not “healthy” mentally and she knows you deserve better. She may also be afraid that she ends up being toxic toward you.
Check her current phone you know where to look and what to look for, you will have all the answers you need
Did you wrap your mouth around the words “hey, my bday starts at midnight. Stay here with me. Don’t go out with your friends!”?
He is slowly trapping you. Find a new job, put the money in an individual account and GTFO. This is not safe for you or the baby.
He is slowly trapping you. Find a new job, put the money in an individual account and GTFO. This is not safe for you or the baby.
Look, are you okay with nonmonogamy? Because that's what you're doing right now. Your wife has a boyfriend.
I say this as a nonmonogamous woman who until very recently had two boyfriends.
Paragraphs.
He says she doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong. So I’m guessing she has no regrets.
I've told her something along the lines of this. I said if she wants to take the kids that Saturday and do the plans that she wants to do, that is fine, but the rest of my family will be out celebrating his birthday. She then proceeded to say that the kids would get jealous since I'm going on my own and they've been talking about him non-stop so I should just do something with my dad another time and spend time with her and the kids. We could easily do something together on Friday or Sunday or any other day. It doesn't have to be this Saturday that we have some family plan because I already have a family plan.
Just because I don't have experience doesn't mean that I am clueless. The couples who do not celebrate it usually have discussed it beforehand, I mean he could have given me a heads up that he doesn't celebrate it and I would have not expected anything. “They don't actively celebrate it with flowers” but they do celebrate it in other ways, usually.
I don't see why you feel the need to attack me when I am honestly asking a question BECAUSE I am not sure if my feelings are justified.
My doctor recommended it to me in my 40s. She said that the newer version covers more strains and it’s worth doing. You may need new doctors.
She didn’t, she was too busy writing this plot.
Ah, the old and tired “you must be a kid because your life experience was different than mine”. It screams naivety. Ask homeless people in major cities like NYC and LA how they feel about cops. I'm sure in your town of 80, Sherriff Niceguy gave you a hot cocoa and a blankie. That's not how shit works in places like LA.
Shame, insults, guilt, the need to be right? Oh man, you don't know how correct you actually are. Sometimes, a Reddit thread knows a person better than they know themself!
I think I've got to leave.
One day you will look back on this situation and you won’t believe you had to ask Reddit for advice because the answer will be so glaringly obvious to you.
This whole situation is an absolute train wreck and the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to walk away. Or at the bare minimum tell him you aren’t interested in his suggested arrangement and let him figure out who he wants, but honestly if I were you I wouldn’t even want to be in the running for his attention because he clearly isn’t as into you as he should be!
For the record I think non-monogamy is a very valid life choice for many people, so this isn’t a down with poly response, just a down with this man response! If you’re truly interested in non-monogamy in the future, maybe do some research while single before embarking on it. The way he’s suggesting it is not the way to do it!!
So much yikes here. Very much hope you ditch his ass!
Homie, don’t date people who are mean to you.
I'm not about being petty, and I'd tell her off before I left her but I mean, why not play that game? Imply that maybe if her vagina wasn't as big as an elephant's ear, having an average sized dick wouldn't be seen as a negative and perhaps she should look into some muscle toning for her lady parts. Just sayin.
Forgot to mention I’m paying off a car financed. I pay $800/month. Insurance is $220/month.
You weren't rude, and she's not out of line. This should be a minor disagreement where you both discuss what to do differently next time and then get over it, shit happens and tempers flare.
“I'm sorry I was rude. Next time if you give me a heads up I can react appropriately”
“I'm sorry I got angry at you, next time I will let you know to expect company, but expect you to greet our guests before excusing yourself”
Easy. If you can't get past this, you have deeper communication issues.
I had to go to the ER yesterday – the Security Guard on the way in “You don't have to wear a mask now!” (all bright and cheerful) – me (only in my head because I know he's been instructed to do that) “I need it more here than anywhere! FFS.”. Immuno compromised and last time I had a cold it went to my chest and I thought I was gonna die. I'm done with other people's bugs.
You're an adult. Do what makes you happy.
Would you be moving into your motor home?
He sounds crazy af if he's moving that fast and needing to know your exact life plans after 4 dates.
: ( I’m so sorry. That’s awful. How do they go about their days thinking nothing is wrong with that?
You highlighted the most critical thing to knowing if an addict is serious about changing and getting sober: action. If you they don't change their behaviour they have no intention on changing, and it's just words. I have more examples than I can remember of people who said all the right words on day 1 and then didn't follow that up when things got serious.
After a while you get the sense of who is serious about sobriety or not. People who go to meetings multiple times a week, get a sponsor, work the steps, generally get sober. Sometimes people do that and still don't stay sober and people are suprised. The missing piece of that puzzle is that they weren't honest in how they felt. They hid a big part of themselves from everyone. That's the part they need to reveal to get and stay sober.
I think the difference here is that you’re the one who worked to rebuild that trust. OP can’t be the one to make that effort here—it has to be her husband.
Congratulations on getting clean! And on all your hot work earning that trust back—that’s a huge accomplishment, and it says so much about who you are as a person. You’re doing amazing.
He doesn’t ‘struggle with aftercare.’ There is no struggle or attempt to change on his part. He uses your body to get off. He then cares more about his phone than your feelings. You feel used because you are being used.
Sounds like she’s already checked out and is soft “warning” you so you aren’t blindsided when she leaves. In every single relationship I’ve been in, if it’s gotten to the point where I’m threatening to leave, I will be soon. She grappling with her leftover feelings for you right now but as soon as those are gone, all the things you haven’t been working on in the relationship is going to make her start hating you ??♀️