If Marissa was drunk after David handed out shots, not only did he cheat, but he raped your friend. There is no amount of “not too drunk to consent” after having multiple shots of alcohol. She didn't have full cognitive capacity, she was raped. DAVID WAS HANDING OUT SHOTS AND TOOK THIS DRUNK WOMAN TO HIS ROOM!
So not only are you an ass for not telling the pregnant wife, you're an ass for not comforting your friend that was raped. If anything it seems you are happy to ignore the facts so that you only have to deal with your husband's friend being a cheater instead of the actual CHEATER AND RAPIST DAVID IS. Good luck telling the wife, and good luck if this rape case makes it to court. Do you really want to say “David was handing out shots… and left early the next day before talking to anyone… Marissa was drunk and couldn't remember everything…BuT i'M sUrE iT's NoT rApE”
Don’t play games just talk to her about it. Tell her you’ve noticed her checking out other men when you are out on multiple occasions and it really bothers you. Maybe she doesn’t realize it bothers you, maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, maybe she just sucks. Only one way to find out.
You're young, don't mess with your hormone levels just to try to please this asshole. You're the one who would have to on-line with the repercussions of hormonal therapy, ? not worth it. What if it causes your body to be dependent on external hormones for the rest of you life. It might also mess with your mental health and you definitely do not want that. I'd say break up with someone who makes you feel like you need to change your body to visually please them. Our bodies change over time and health issues can happen, so find someone who isn't a superficial fuck.
you don't understand, he pulled the ol' switcheroo on me, he asked for sex, i said no, he said yes, i said no, he said yes, i said no, he said no, i said yes and after we had sex i shot up out of his bed like “wait a minute…”
I can completely empathise with your struggle here, OP. I have been through something very similar with my BF.
I had multiple small conversations with him about these things & nothing ever changed.
It all came to a head after there had been no action in the bedroom for weeks and I could tell he was getting a bit sulky over it. He had also been put in charge at work for a couple of weeks (so he had got a small taste of what I was dealing with at work & at home).
So I sat him down. Told him we were going to have a tough conversation, but he needed to listen to me. I wasn't trying to attack him personally, but there were things going on that made it impossible for me to want to be intimate with him.
I explained that when he put the majority of the responsibility of managing the house (paying bills, groceries, meal planning etc), organising how we spend our time etc, on me, that it left me feeling like I was his executive assistant, and his mother and his housekeeper and his manager. I didn't feel like his partner. I pointed out specific events & scenarios (Me: “Did you notice the pile of clean laundry that needs to be put away?” Him: “No” , Me: “It's sitting right next to you”, “Oh, that… I wasn't sure what that was or if it needs to go away” , “So work it out”), and explained how they made me feel.
I was clear. From now on, I expect change. I was clear on what I wanted from him, and I was also clear that this was something that was severely impacting me. I also made it clear that this was a boundary, that I was no longer willing to accept being in a relationship like this.
I acknowledged that I didn't think he was doing it deliberately to hurt me, that most of the time he just didn't think about these things because he never had to. But now he does, so time to shape up.
For some things, I showed him what to do, how to do it, tips/tricks and the final outcome, for example if you do a “reset” of the bathroom daily, the weekly clean isn't as bad, and we only need a deep clean every 2-3 months. Toilets need to be cleaned with bleach once a week. This is how you clean the shower/bath/floor weekly. Use X in the shower, and X for the mirrors.
That was about 6 months ago & I want to tell you he is now perfect… he isn't. BUT he is has massively improved from where we were before, and he is making an effort.
One major thing… he knows I mean what I say, and if I say I won't tolerate something, then I won't tolerate it. So that probably helps.
Just cut ties, block him and stay out of it. Keep your moral crusade to yourself and move on with your life.
I appreciate it thank you
If Marissa was drunk after David handed out shots, not only did he cheat, but he raped your friend. There is no amount of “not too drunk to consent” after having multiple shots of alcohol. She didn't have full cognitive capacity, she was raped. DAVID WAS HANDING OUT SHOTS AND TOOK THIS DRUNK WOMAN TO HIS ROOM!
So not only are you an ass for not telling the pregnant wife, you're an ass for not comforting your friend that was raped. If anything it seems you are happy to ignore the facts so that you only have to deal with your husband's friend being a cheater instead of the actual CHEATER AND RAPIST DAVID IS. Good luck telling the wife, and good luck if this rape case makes it to court. Do you really want to say “David was handing out shots… and left early the next day before talking to anyone… Marissa was drunk and couldn't remember everything…BuT i'M sUrE iT's NoT rApE”
Don’t play games just talk to her about it. Tell her you’ve noticed her checking out other men when you are out on multiple occasions and it really bothers you. Maybe she doesn’t realize it bothers you, maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, maybe she just sucks. Only one way to find out.
Some folks like to see the worst in everyone.
That man is SWEATING thinking you’re going to come to your damn senses if he’s out of sight for more than five minutes
Ah, so it's an ongoing modulating/communicating issue, right?
Like, “OK, touch/rub/pinch [XYZ], but look at my face to see when it is and isn't working.”
Right?
This is arguably one of the stupidest ideas I have ever heard. You don’t leave to make things better.
You're young, don't mess with your hormone levels just to try to please this asshole. You're the one who would have to on-line with the repercussions of hormonal therapy, ? not worth it. What if it causes your body to be dependent on external hormones for the rest of you life. It might also mess with your mental health and you definitely do not want that. I'd say break up with someone who makes you feel like you need to change your body to visually please them. Our bodies change over time and health issues can happen, so find someone who isn't a superficial fuck.
you don't understand, he pulled the ol' switcheroo on me, he asked for sex, i said no, he said yes, i said no, he said yes, i said no, he said no, i said yes and after we had sex i shot up out of his bed like “wait a minute…”
I can completely empathise with your struggle here, OP. I have been through something very similar with my BF.
I had multiple small conversations with him about these things & nothing ever changed.
It all came to a head after there had been no action in the bedroom for weeks and I could tell he was getting a bit sulky over it. He had also been put in charge at work for a couple of weeks (so he had got a small taste of what I was dealing with at work & at home).
So I sat him down. Told him we were going to have a tough conversation, but he needed to listen to me. I wasn't trying to attack him personally, but there were things going on that made it impossible for me to want to be intimate with him.
I explained that when he put the majority of the responsibility of managing the house (paying bills, groceries, meal planning etc), organising how we spend our time etc, on me, that it left me feeling like I was his executive assistant, and his mother and his housekeeper and his manager. I didn't feel like his partner. I pointed out specific events & scenarios (Me: “Did you notice the pile of clean laundry that needs to be put away?” Him: “No” , Me: “It's sitting right next to you”, “Oh, that… I wasn't sure what that was or if it needs to go away” , “So work it out”), and explained how they made me feel.
I was clear. From now on, I expect change. I was clear on what I wanted from him, and I was also clear that this was something that was severely impacting me. I also made it clear that this was a boundary, that I was no longer willing to accept being in a relationship like this.
I acknowledged that I didn't think he was doing it deliberately to hurt me, that most of the time he just didn't think about these things because he never had to. But now he does, so time to shape up.
For some things, I showed him what to do, how to do it, tips/tricks and the final outcome, for example if you do a “reset” of the bathroom daily, the weekly clean isn't as bad, and we only need a deep clean every 2-3 months. Toilets need to be cleaned with bleach once a week. This is how you clean the shower/bath/floor weekly. Use X in the shower, and X for the mirrors.
That was about 6 months ago & I want to tell you he is now perfect… he isn't. BUT he is has massively improved from where we were before, and he is making an effort.
One major thing… he knows I mean what I say, and if I say I won't tolerate something, then I won't tolerate it. So that probably helps.
Sorry for the wall of text! PM if you need.
Was he yelling at you or video games?
Well I mean yes she asked him out but what kind of signs was he giving her in person? Was he flirty with her and maybe planted the seed?
Not typical but not weird