Well, it seemed like you dated for a month, were gone for a month, and have dated another month. I went off the assumption that things werent as clear to you upon your return as they are now that you've had a few wks to ponder it. It can be a tricky situation. Maybe you thought it was you at first, or ignored those feelings bc you really wanted it to work out. Then you've probably spent a wk trying to figure out how to end it. Its normal to take some time to figure out what they're feeling and to make sure ending things is what they really want/need to do. Now, if you kept on like that for longer than you have, I'd have some more criticism, but what I took from it is that you're human, you wanted to be sure of your decision, and to end things as gently as possible.
As a teen, I was told to spend a week with a member of my extended family while she was recovering from surgery.
Five cats, one litter box. Three small dogs and those “potty pads.”
My aunt scooped the litter box once a week, so the cats had to find other places to go. The dogs were never walked and the potty pads were changed once a week.
I spent the week scooping litter and walking dogs, with my aunt scolding me for “spoiling” the animals.
One of the cats came home with me. And after I described the living conditions to my Mom, she got in touch with Auntie’s kids, and things got cleaned up/better.
It depends how hard the hit was. I think it would be reasonable for a guy to do it so long as it was more of a stop, get away from me hit vs a hit that would leave a bruise
Why doesn't your girlfriend care about your feelings? Why is it more important to her to make this “joke” that isn't funny to anyone except her? Why is it your job to make sure that your girlfriend doesn't feel bad about being insulting to you?
From what I'm reading it sounds like your boy's gotta study abroad for a couple months this summer and that's got you feelin' anxious. I feel you on that, distance is rough on any relationship. But it sounds like you had a bit of a panic attack when he told you about it and maybe overreacted a bit. From what you're saying, it sounds like your boy was pretty excited to tell you about it and you made it all about the relationship which ain't cool. It's important to remember that just because he's going to be away for a bit, doesn't mean the relationship is ending. It's a temporary thing, and you guys will get through it.
It sounds like you tried to apologize tonight but he wasn't really in the mood to talk about it. And then he went and talked to his friends about the whole thing and they said you overreacted, which is frustrating. It's not cool that he's going to his friends and not really hearing you out. It makes you feel like you're not being heard and it's not okay.
You guys are planning to talk about it more on Sunday, but in the meantime, he wants to have a fun weekend and not dwell on the fight. Which is totally understandable, no one wants to be stuck in a negative mindset. But it sounds like you're still thinking about it and it's stressing you out. Just remember, you guys are in this together, communication is key, and you're going to get through this. It's not the end of the world, just a temporary inconvenience. But make sure to express your feeling and be honest with him on sunday. And also, it's important to remember that it's okay to have feelings, it's okay to have a panic attack and overreact sometimes.
And remember, your boyfriend's friends are also your friends. Just because they might not understand what you're going through, it doesn't mean you should feel bad about it. They are not in the same place as you. Just keep that in mind, and everything will work out.
Wait though, we're all assuming that the dad has told his son the truth, dad is known liar so this could be another lie, I mean how convenient that he's not on the birth certificate so can't really prove if he's the father or not unless a DNA test is done..Better get more proof than just your dads word OP.
Anything private in a relationship is point of failure that could be exploited or broken, there are not to many honest relationships out there these day obviously.
I mean, to me he is good enough. He's loyal and smart. I'm in love with him. I would love to marry him. The only thing I don't like is his angry issues and his tendency to say shitty things when he is upset, but he's been getting better with it and improving. To me, that's a valuable trait as well, to be able to change for the better and recognize your issues. So all this considered, I'm a sitting duck because he meets my standards
Imagine arguing that someone's sexual partner should be allowed to expect oral sex and then not reciprocate to provide his partner an orgasm as well. Double standards. Your comments are asinine on nearly every post, though.
On the chance your BF decides to break up with you if he doesn’t want this baby, would you be able to support yourself and a baby as a single mom? Who would watch your child while you’re at work? Do you have any family that could watch them during the week? If not, are you aware of how expensive daycare is? Do you and BF live together or separately? Lots of serious things to think about before deciding whether to have the baby.
Hah. Theres a few famous posts about food being referenced here. One about a yogurt collector, a spouse who insisted his wife eat mustard and my apparently unwelcome contribution of a partner who refused to understand that there are multiple types of rice and mixed all of the rice in the house together.
And this is why many women have a hard time with bachelor parties and strip clubs in general. Someone needs to tell her she gets dirty dick. Would you want that?? How would you feel if you eventually found out your bf cheated?? So much community dick outside..disgusting
Well it might be natural cgange in which I have no insight to offer.
With that said consider alternative possibilities.
Is she on new medication?
Was she ever actually into sex? Many times on this sub there have been posts about asexual partners that pretended to enjoy sex until they properly entrenched themselves with their partner. This is a real possibility, do not discard it.
Finally the obvious question of fidelity. Is it feasible in terms of time, for her to have someone on the side?
Women dont divorce a man they are in love with for no reason other than at 28 years old they haven’t figured out how to hold a job and pay bills. Its not like she asked for space to improve herself, she asked for a divorce and moved away and will meet him in a month for some reevaluation of what they wanna do.
She either has another guy she wants to test or simply she is just not in love anymore and wants to move on.
Right, that’s not the issue, I’m asking if I should break up with her because of that. You do get heavily influenced by the people around you, in my heart and gut I said “no,” but listened to her, which was dumb, but I’m pretty pathetic and wondering if I should stand up for myself now.
I am an artsy gay man who does community theater and life drawing and I don’t think you should be with someone who treats you, or your hobbies, this way.
She might not enjoy having sex with you, she may be unsatisfied with the quality so she has diminished the quantity. My advice is to ask her why she is declining and ask if you can help in any way.
I do stay over some times, but it’s maybe once every few weeks and that’s if I’m too tired to drive. The most I’ve stayed is a single night because I don’t have any of my stuff there and her clothing is too petite for me. I’ll start bringing a few overnight things and try staying for more than a day
You dumped all this on him like a bucket of cold water. From questionably childfree to your list is a big swing. Give the guy some time to digest it all. Just like your views, he's entitled to his. This may be too big a problem to overcome or perhaps he'll work thru it and be agreeable. Your timing and delivery could have been better.
If you're not 100% interested in an open relationship, don't be part of one. This relationship isn't going to work if you're not comfortable with being poly.
Break up and find someone who's down to be monogamous.
Honestly brother she just sounds stupid. Obsessed with a man from 20 years ago who didn’t give her the validation she wanted and can’t let it go. Pathetic. You shouldn’t have read the diary, but she should try better to be better.
Well, be aware that your framing makes you a yellow flag as well I guess. Only letting her dress up if you are there to watch over her doesn't show a lot of trust and etc.
But yes, these sorts of incompatibilities are not easy go get over. As it stands you've already pushed her into dressing down and I think on top of not wanting to control her you should reflect if that is really the kind of guy you want to be as well.
There's also the chance the original message was in Dutch and it's just kind of an odd translation.
Sounds like he's into BDSM. Compatibility might be an issue, but its an area that's very big on consent and rules.
Totally normal, rational behavior in his end….
If you don't trust your partner, you need to break up. You can't have a proper relationship with someone who wants to be with someone else.
Yes you're the one exaggerating. This entire post.
This whole thing is a train wreck. You and him. Don’t get married break up and work on yourselves.
Yw!
Well, it seemed like you dated for a month, were gone for a month, and have dated another month. I went off the assumption that things werent as clear to you upon your return as they are now that you've had a few wks to ponder it. It can be a tricky situation. Maybe you thought it was you at first, or ignored those feelings bc you really wanted it to work out. Then you've probably spent a wk trying to figure out how to end it. Its normal to take some time to figure out what they're feeling and to make sure ending things is what they really want/need to do. Now, if you kept on like that for longer than you have, I'd have some more criticism, but what I took from it is that you're human, you wanted to be sure of your decision, and to end things as gently as possible.
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As a teen, I was told to spend a week with a member of my extended family while she was recovering from surgery.
Five cats, one litter box. Three small dogs and those “potty pads.”
My aunt scooped the litter box once a week, so the cats had to find other places to go. The dogs were never walked and the potty pads were changed once a week.
I spent the week scooping litter and walking dogs, with my aunt scolding me for “spoiling” the animals.
One of the cats came home with me. And after I described the living conditions to my Mom, she got in touch with Auntie’s kids, and things got cleaned up/better.
But never again.
Funny, I have HSV2 and have never been turned down and somehow still landed a 10 who proposed within 2 years.
It's herpes, 80% of North America has type 1 or 2.
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It depends how hard the hit was. I think it would be reasonable for a guy to do it so long as it was more of a stop, get away from me hit vs a hit that would leave a bruise
The technicalities don't matter. Break up with her again if this is a deal breaker. You don't have to date her.
Why doesn't your girlfriend care about your feelings? Why is it more important to her to make this “joke” that isn't funny to anyone except her? Why is it your job to make sure that your girlfriend doesn't feel bad about being insulting to you?
Depends. How long are you willing to wait and, how long will it realistically take for him to start earning an income that meets your requirements?
From what I'm reading it sounds like your boy's gotta study abroad for a couple months this summer and that's got you feelin' anxious. I feel you on that, distance is rough on any relationship. But it sounds like you had a bit of a panic attack when he told you about it and maybe overreacted a bit. From what you're saying, it sounds like your boy was pretty excited to tell you about it and you made it all about the relationship which ain't cool. It's important to remember that just because he's going to be away for a bit, doesn't mean the relationship is ending. It's a temporary thing, and you guys will get through it.
It sounds like you tried to apologize tonight but he wasn't really in the mood to talk about it. And then he went and talked to his friends about the whole thing and they said you overreacted, which is frustrating. It's not cool that he's going to his friends and not really hearing you out. It makes you feel like you're not being heard and it's not okay.
You guys are planning to talk about it more on Sunday, but in the meantime, he wants to have a fun weekend and not dwell on the fight. Which is totally understandable, no one wants to be stuck in a negative mindset. But it sounds like you're still thinking about it and it's stressing you out. Just remember, you guys are in this together, communication is key, and you're going to get through this. It's not the end of the world, just a temporary inconvenience. But make sure to express your feeling and be honest with him on sunday. And also, it's important to remember that it's okay to have feelings, it's okay to have a panic attack and overreact sometimes.
And remember, your boyfriend's friends are also your friends. Just because they might not understand what you're going through, it doesn't mean you should feel bad about it. They are not in the same place as you. Just keep that in mind, and everything will work out.
Da taa dat tada daaaaaaaa.
Find someone else. You will never be happy with a trophy.
Your “friend” is a dumbass, I’d drop her
Wait though, we're all assuming that the dad has told his son the truth, dad is known liar so this could be another lie, I mean how convenient that he's not on the birth certificate so can't really prove if he's the father or not unless a DNA test is done..Better get more proof than just your dads word OP.
Anything private in a relationship is point of failure that could be exploited or broken, there are not to many honest relationships out there these day obviously.
Long is fine but it just shows you need to talk to a therapist.
Good luck
I mean, to me he is good enough. He's loyal and smart. I'm in love with him. I would love to marry him. The only thing I don't like is his angry issues and his tendency to say shitty things when he is upset, but he's been getting better with it and improving. To me, that's a valuable trait as well, to be able to change for the better and recognize your issues. So all this considered, I'm a sitting duck because he meets my standards
Imagine arguing that someone's sexual partner should be allowed to expect oral sex and then not reciprocate to provide his partner an orgasm as well. Double standards. Your comments are asinine on nearly every post, though.
On the chance your BF decides to break up with you if he doesn’t want this baby, would you be able to support yourself and a baby as a single mom? Who would watch your child while you’re at work? Do you have any family that could watch them during the week? If not, are you aware of how expensive daycare is? Do you and BF live together or separately? Lots of serious things to think about before deciding whether to have the baby.
You getting the point yet?
No, they will hate him forever!
just give him a deadline and if he doesn't get it by then, it's on the curb with a curb alert posted.
My suggestion would be to stop looking for a way to reach him and leave this toxicity in the hazardous waste bin where it belongs.
Time to learn how to stand up for yourself fam. You treating this situation like your back in high school but your damn near 30.
Hah. Theres a few famous posts about food being referenced here. One about a yogurt collector, a spouse who insisted his wife eat mustard and my apparently unwelcome contribution of a partner who refused to understand that there are multiple types of rice and mixed all of the rice in the house together.
And this is why many women have a hard time with bachelor parties and strip clubs in general. Someone needs to tell her she gets dirty dick. Would you want that?? How would you feel if you eventually found out your bf cheated?? So much community dick outside..disgusting
Ick
thank you for your input. I’ll consider this.
Well it might be natural cgange in which I have no insight to offer.
With that said consider alternative possibilities.
Is she on new medication?
Was she ever actually into sex? Many times on this sub there have been posts about asexual partners that pretended to enjoy sex until they properly entrenched themselves with their partner. This is a real possibility, do not discard it.
Finally the obvious question of fidelity. Is it feasible in terms of time, for her to have someone on the side?
You are making yourself the victim here…
I am relieved to read there is still a chance to save that dress.
I can guarantee it's not because of any of that. He's the problem, not you. You didn't do anything wrong
Women dont divorce a man they are in love with for no reason other than at 28 years old they haven’t figured out how to hold a job and pay bills. Its not like she asked for space to improve herself, she asked for a divorce and moved away and will meet him in a month for some reevaluation of what they wanna do.
She either has another guy she wants to test or simply she is just not in love anymore and wants to move on.
Right, that’s not the issue, I’m asking if I should break up with her because of that. You do get heavily influenced by the people around you, in my heart and gut I said “no,” but listened to her, which was dumb, but I’m pretty pathetic and wondering if I should stand up for myself now.
I am an artsy gay man who does community theater and life drawing and I don’t think you should be with someone who treats you, or your hobbies, this way.
She might not enjoy having sex with you, she may be unsatisfied with the quality so she has diminished the quantity. My advice is to ask her why she is declining and ask if you can help in any way.
I do stay over some times, but it’s maybe once every few weeks and that’s if I’m too tired to drive. The most I’ve stayed is a single night because I don’t have any of my stuff there and her clothing is too petite for me. I’ll start bringing a few overnight things and try staying for more than a day
That feels like weaponized incompetence and someone being fed up with that.
You dumped all this on him like a bucket of cold water. From questionably childfree to your list is a big swing. Give the guy some time to digest it all. Just like your views, he's entitled to his. This may be too big a problem to overcome or perhaps he'll work thru it and be agreeable. Your timing and delivery could have been better.
If you're not 100% interested in an open relationship, don't be part of one. This relationship isn't going to work if you're not comfortable with being poly.
Break up and find someone who's down to be monogamous.
Honestly brother she just sounds stupid. Obsessed with a man from 20 years ago who didn’t give her the validation she wanted and can’t let it go. Pathetic. You shouldn’t have read the diary, but she should try better to be better.
Well, be aware that your framing makes you a yellow flag as well I guess. Only letting her dress up if you are there to watch over her doesn't show a lot of trust and etc.
But yes, these sorts of incompatibilities are not easy go get over. As it stands you've already pushed her into dressing down and I think on top of not wanting to control her you should reflect if that is really the kind of guy you want to be as well.