The only way I can see something positive coming from this is if you organize a couples counseling session and discuss it there. If he truly believes what he's saying then having a third party explain why it's an issue may help get him to open up, and if he's gaslighting you about an affair the third party will be able to confirm it for you.
The 2-week “break” is very suspicious to me. Her lack of emotion after your “Dear John” in person talk seems a little too cold to me as well. While there is merit to the theory that she grieved and moved on, you would think after 8 years there is more to be discussed.
Alternatively, she found someone else she is in love with and that break was to make sure this someone else she prefers over you (sadly) and that her logistics were together for the split. She wanted to spare you the detailed story so you wouldn't try to plea bargain your way back into her heart, thus the terse answers.
So, it's over, It's been over since she chose to seek other lovers which was probably quite a while ago. And you are seeing her cold and ruthless side. I think you need to allow yourself to grieve and then get back to work–a perfect environment to reborn yourself.
If he doesn't even wash his hands after using the loo, what are the odds he's not washing his dick either before getting intimate with you? Or heck, putting his “the toilet is clean” hands on your intimate areas? I think I got a UTI just from reading that part, how can you stand it?
When I was younger (and much more naive) I was with a guy that hadn't gone to the dentist in ages either, he hadn't been in 20 years. He ended up with nearly full dentures at before 40, he only had about 8 teeth left that were his own. That's what you have to look forward to, along with the horrid breath (just think of all the yummy kisses!) and putting his toilet hands all over you of course.
I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but you're like the 10th person today complaining about their male partners refusing to practice basic (let's face it, this is kindergarten level stuff here) hygiene, get some better standards.
du er pisse ung, og man ved aldrig om nogle forhold vil holde indtil døden skiller jer. Lad vær med at fysisk og permanent ændr din krop for en anden families religion. Hvis hun og hendes familie elsker DIG nok, burde det for dem være nok at I to elsker hinanden, og du er villig til at være og blive og elske hende. Do not cut.
He obviously cheated emotionally, at least. I often say, it sounds like you like her and she friend zoned you. It's really an absolute ridiculous conversation to have with your husband. He has never respected my opinion or boundaries. He said the gun thing and confrontation with the other husband scared him straight, but it's obvious it has not.
It's very difficult with kids. I've been home with them and gave up career. (Never really had a chance to start). It's really a situationship at this point. Just stuck.
My attitude. My attitude starts because sometimes I dont wanna talk about something because I'm not ready to talk about it and he pushes me to talk about it. But it's the exact opposite for him. I ask him what's wrong and hes like “nothing I dont wanna talk about it.” I am not allowed to push him. And so i get upset cause it's like i have to talk about it right away, but he doesnt.
As someone closing to your age (21f) I can see the sentiment of waking up next to your SO on your birthday. I can see how someone waiting till midnight on your b-day to wish you a happy day would feel very nice. Those things would all be wonderful and I don’t shame you for craving that kind of scenario.
However, I don’t think it’s not some thing to be upset with him for. He asked to bring you along, and it sounds like the day of your real birthday was pleasant.
I think it might be worth a small, easygoing convo with more of a future-focused, positive light. Stuffing it away might make snowball resentment issue later on.
Instead of “you ditched me on my birthday eve and weren’t there when I woke up on my birthday and I’m upset about it.” Avoid any accusatory or hostile language.
More along the lines of : “hey I’m really glad you had fun with some friends. I also appreciate your effort in inviting me to go along. Going forward, I would love to wake up next to you on important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Having you around at 12 am on my birthday would have been very special to me. However, I also don’t wish to stifle your social life. Is there a way we can compromise on how to better meet this need of mine for special day recognition in the future without impeding on your freedom?”
It may be incredibly difficult but you did the right thing for both of you. Knowing that he lost you may help him change. All he’s ever known before is that you’ll stick around every time he falls off the wagon.
I was in a relationship like that before and I know change was always short lived. I also left when I was 30. Having a child with that man would’ve been a huge mistake. I’m now happily married with two lovely children. You deserve a chance at happiness. You’ve done all you could here. Listen to his mother.
Sorry but how did she hurt you exactly ? You’re disappointed as she has a different idea about this subject but you didn’t even really talked about it seriously. She was just being honest saying she THINKS she doesn’t want kids.
YOUR reaction was toxic and manipulative, walking away from the whole conversation. Saying hurtful things.
Welcome to the consequences of your actions lol. Sit tight because your going to miss out on your grandkids lives aswell. I hope it was worth marrying a child and choosing said child over you own. Because after what you said to your daughter your only a sperm donor now.
Wtf…? I was asking tips on how to flirt with someone I already dated before without it looking weird. I dont wanna force things. How did you interpret that?
Don’t be silly and wrap up your Willy. If you don’t want a kid, use protection. Don’t leave 100% of the protection in someone else’s hands. Plus have you both had STI screenings? Has she been taking her BC a prescribed? Even on BC shit can happen.
I am going to go to therapy next week, but I need to understand if I am an abuser of a victim of his gaslighting. It never happened that I became abusive out of a sudden. I am not trying to justify myself, but my boyfriend always does the things that make me anxious (threatens me with cheating / breakup / eviction etc), and I explode. And the biggest problem is that he does it on purpose (he knows in advance it makes me upset). Is my explosion considered as abuse?
I wouldn’t consider it sexual harassment unless I really disliked it. I started to find him attractive over time & I think since I welcomed the behavior it just made him feel more comfortable with me.
i literally tried to settle things down, but you just want to fuckin' argue. fits your comment history to a tee – everything is some snide argument about stupid shit. typical.
i'm actually gonna tell my fiancee about this stupid conversation and we're going to laugh at you. isn't that great? i actually agree – communication is fun! ?
Not only did she cheat by letting her friend see, she also cheated by letting the piercer see them! /s
The only way I can see something positive coming from this is if you organize a couples counseling session and discuss it there. If he truly believes what he's saying then having a third party explain why it's an issue may help get him to open up, and if he's gaslighting you about an affair the third party will be able to confirm it for you.
Is it just me, or does it feel like OP might be a side chick?
The 2-week “break” is very suspicious to me. Her lack of emotion after your “Dear John” in person talk seems a little too cold to me as well. While there is merit to the theory that she grieved and moved on, you would think after 8 years there is more to be discussed.
Alternatively, she found someone else she is in love with and that break was to make sure this someone else she prefers over you (sadly) and that her logistics were together for the split. She wanted to spare you the detailed story so you wouldn't try to plea bargain your way back into her heart, thus the terse answers.
So, it's over, It's been over since she chose to seek other lovers which was probably quite a while ago. And you are seeing her cold and ruthless side. I think you need to allow yourself to grieve and then get back to work–a perfect environment to reborn yourself.
INFO
how exactly did he get pinworms this time and how exactly did he get them the first time?
Cus I gotta be honest
If you don't think you can do better than a guy who's gotten pinworms twice in his life, then you need higher standards
I have been on this planet for over 40 years and don't know a single person who's ever gotten pinworms
You are 5 months in and pinworms isn't a dealbreaker?
Really?
I hope your baby doesn’t get their intelligence from your husband.
If he doesn't even wash his hands after using the loo, what are the odds he's not washing his dick either before getting intimate with you? Or heck, putting his “the toilet is clean” hands on your intimate areas? I think I got a UTI just from reading that part, how can you stand it?
When I was younger (and much more naive) I was with a guy that hadn't gone to the dentist in ages either, he hadn't been in 20 years. He ended up with nearly full dentures at before 40, he only had about 8 teeth left that were his own. That's what you have to look forward to, along with the horrid breath (just think of all the yummy kisses!) and putting his toilet hands all over you of course.
I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but you're like the 10th person today complaining about their male partners refusing to practice basic (let's face it, this is kindergarten level stuff here) hygiene, get some better standards.
Welcome to fatherhood in America. 5% of men are raising kids that they don't know aren't their's.
RemindMe! 8 hours
du er pisse ung, og man ved aldrig om nogle forhold vil holde indtil døden skiller jer. Lad vær med at fysisk og permanent ændr din krop for en anden families religion. Hvis hun og hendes familie elsker DIG nok, burde det for dem være nok at I to elsker hinanden, og du er villig til at være og blive og elske hende. Do not cut.
i couldn’t see, i just saw that it was from tinder
He obviously cheated emotionally, at least. I often say, it sounds like you like her and she friend zoned you. It's really an absolute ridiculous conversation to have with your husband. He has never respected my opinion or boundaries. He said the gun thing and confrontation with the other husband scared him straight, but it's obvious it has not.
It's very difficult with kids. I've been home with them and gave up career. (Never really had a chance to start). It's really a situationship at this point. Just stuck.
And what happens if you go through another “rough phase” with her? Will she cheat on you again? That’s vindictive behavior, and it’s worrying.
Or maybe she’s acted like this before. We don’t have the whole story
My attitude. My attitude starts because sometimes I dont wanna talk about something because I'm not ready to talk about it and he pushes me to talk about it. But it's the exact opposite for him. I ask him what's wrong and hes like “nothing I dont wanna talk about it.” I am not allowed to push him. And so i get upset cause it's like i have to talk about it right away, but he doesnt.
Ha! What an inappropriate typo!
Eviction notice and don't be there to accept his child!! Go visit family with your kids and let him be screwed for his child's care!
As someone closing to your age (21f) I can see the sentiment of waking up next to your SO on your birthday. I can see how someone waiting till midnight on your b-day to wish you a happy day would feel very nice. Those things would all be wonderful and I don’t shame you for craving that kind of scenario.
However, I don’t think it’s not some thing to be upset with him for. He asked to bring you along, and it sounds like the day of your real birthday was pleasant.
I think it might be worth a small, easygoing convo with more of a future-focused, positive light. Stuffing it away might make snowball resentment issue later on.
Instead of “you ditched me on my birthday eve and weren’t there when I woke up on my birthday and I’m upset about it.” Avoid any accusatory or hostile language.
More along the lines of : “hey I’m really glad you had fun with some friends. I also appreciate your effort in inviting me to go along. Going forward, I would love to wake up next to you on important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Having you around at 12 am on my birthday would have been very special to me. However, I also don’t wish to stifle your social life. Is there a way we can compromise on how to better meet this need of mine for special day recognition in the future without impeding on your freedom?”
It may be incredibly difficult but you did the right thing for both of you. Knowing that he lost you may help him change. All he’s ever known before is that you’ll stick around every time he falls off the wagon.
I was in a relationship like that before and I know change was always short lived. I also left when I was 30. Having a child with that man would’ve been a huge mistake. I’m now happily married with two lovely children. You deserve a chance at happiness. You’ve done all you could here. Listen to his mother.
Good for you, truly. You may want to also report her dad for what you have learned about him.
She still wouldn’t tell me shit. She hates me. She wants him for himself.
I actually don't have any such insecurities.
I was just trying to get you to see his point of view.
This is complete gibberish. I said nothing of the kind. Your intellectual dishonesty is gross and makes you look bad.
Sorry but how did she hurt you exactly ? You’re disappointed as she has a different idea about this subject but you didn’t even really talked about it seriously. She was just being honest saying she THINKS she doesn’t want kids.
YOUR reaction was toxic and manipulative, walking away from the whole conversation. Saying hurtful things.
You sound exhausting tbh. You obviously have a big ego and felt embarrassed. Just do her a favor and end it so she can find someone mature.
HES NOT WORTH IT and/or SHES NOT WORTH IT
Don’t apologize, break up with him. He is so arrogant that refused to talk. You will find a man not a boy
My wife uses a huge amount of ketchup. It’s gross.
We have a lot bigger problems.
Welcome to the consequences of your actions lol. Sit tight because your going to miss out on your grandkids lives aswell. I hope it was worth marrying a child and choosing said child over you own. Because after what you said to your daughter your only a sperm donor now.
I feel like he said he doesn’t want to get it either way because they’re back and forth so much. But hey, it’s up to OP. It’s his body and decisions.
Yea I agree, he treated me so well but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to give him what he wanted and he deserves better.
Wtf…? I was asking tips on how to flirt with someone I already dated before without it looking weird. I dont wanna force things. How did you interpret that?
Don’t be silly and wrap up your Willy. If you don’t want a kid, use protection. Don’t leave 100% of the protection in someone else’s hands. Plus have you both had STI screenings? Has she been taking her BC a prescribed? Even on BC shit can happen.
I am going to go to therapy next week, but I need to understand if I am an abuser of a victim of his gaslighting. It never happened that I became abusive out of a sudden. I am not trying to justify myself, but my boyfriend always does the things that make me anxious (threatens me with cheating / breakup / eviction etc), and I explode. And the biggest problem is that he does it on purpose (he knows in advance it makes me upset). Is my explosion considered as abuse?
I wouldn’t consider it sexual harassment unless I really disliked it. I started to find him attractive over time & I think since I welcomed the behavior it just made him feel more comfortable with me.
You're going on regular dates with another woman in secret and lying to your wife about it.
Wake up, dude
You don’t accept it. You move on to someone that isn’t an asshole.
But you have an acknowledged history of these jokes
They don’t
good for you. he's a really lucky guy!
i literally tried to settle things down, but you just want to fuckin' argue. fits your comment history to a tee – everything is some snide argument about stupid shit. typical.
i'm actually gonna tell my fiancee about this stupid conversation and we're going to laugh at you. isn't that great? i actually agree – communication is fun! ?
Sounds like you don't have the same goals. Probably best to end it and move on.