She takes her son of course. She's hasn't moved out since february. When she leaves she tells her son not to talk to me and goes no contact with my son. About a dozen times from a few days to 3 weeks. I honestly think her mom was sick of her moving in and out constantly why she hasn't this year.
I'm not perfect, I did tell her to move out once about 2 years ago. I've called her names, but nothing this year I'm trying to improve.
She expects that it's the “Man's job” to reach out every single time. I know I could have ended this 10 days ago by groveling and apologizing taking 100% fault. I just don't think that's workable long term. Also, if she doesn't want to marry I think that's incompatible with my needs, that I expressed from beginning. My father thinks she is actually wanting to get married and is upset I don't talk about it and this is her way to communicating that; if that's true my head hurts. Bottom line she called off the wedding plans this year and now next year so my motivation is really low.
I constantly walk on egg shells with her.
Every mistake I've made is brought up. When we argue she brings up my exs and tells me this is why they broke up with me, she's never met them.
She's currently in court to get full custody of her 8yr old. the baby daddy is local, business owner- Has paid $0 and barely sees him, often canceling. He left her to be with another woman. He was her first. He physically beat her to the point of the ER, supposedly– I never heard his side, I'm sure he would have a lot to say.
She used to say how bad he was, now when we argue he's better than me. She never wants to offend him, refuses to go get child support. I have to hear about this guy too much.
Oh, apparently she would give her own mother the same silent treatment for days/weeks even though she lived with her. I know i'm not special.
On the pluses we don't drink/drugs When she's not icing me she's amazing to me and my son. Very clinging, like crazy. Extremely jealous, if I don't respond to a text even at work she'll ice me. She's very loving when not icing, will go anywhere with me, do most any activity.
Lately she's put her job ahead of family, but she wouldn't admit that. Works 70-100 hours a week
She doesn't need the money at all. No rent, car was paid for by her mom, no utilities, no college loans, no cell plan, health insurance. Clearly no financial need to work overtime. She barely sees her own son, as he goes to the grandpa, and she's working so much.
He is not high value. He is a f$&@boy. You can do better and deserve better. What a low disgusting human! I work out most days, sometimes twice and I don’t think that makes me any better than anyone else. I also have a decent body count (also 35F) honestly don’t know the number because it doesn’t matter! I’d kick him the the curb but that’s me! I’m happy single and won’t change that just to not be alone. Especially for someone who tries to hypocritically devalue me. Was that man right out of your hair!
I’m assuming you’re both young and he’s inexperienced with relationships? To me, that sounds like he most likely said yes because he felt like he was supposed to and then he got stressed about it and didn’t know how to talk to you about it. It’s easy for small things to roll into arguments. In this case, it was mostly a lack of communication.
Majority of the top comments are saying this tho. Alot of people are saying don't throw your marriage away for job, he can't control you but he can leave you, or saying it seems like a scam.
Some are asking if he usually acts like that etc I thought the comments seemed okay??
Cheating is sometimes a tragic expression of unmet needs and sometimes a psychopathic act. It can also be other things.
The notion that cheating is absolutely inexcusable is laughably simplistic. It's the logic of a child.
Even so, I understand someone worrying that you might cheat because you trust a cheater and cheating is a grave violation of trust. It sounds as though, in this situation, there was not much trust to violate. What an unfortunate situation all around.
I'm not in your shoes. I would state my position as you have outlined it and hope for the best from my partner. If they replied utterly unreasonably and refused to discuss the matter, then that would figure in to my long-term plans with them.
If you talk this through and the relationship survives, it will undoubtedly strengthen. If you don't, then at least one of the ticking time bombs you're sitting on comes into clearer view. That's something.
Yeah I have been told that by my family. 🙁 The break was due to his flaking & lack of communication. The problem is he says a whole lot of things & whenever we do see each other it's amazing, but the in-between is not good. My standards are also super low & I started to believe that I am the issue, like I am wanting too much from him. Ironically I was more confident in myself before dating him, but the back & forth has wrecked my self-esteem…even typing this I wonder why I put up with it. Partly because I have 0 friends (have struggled with physical & mental health so lost all of them due to that) so it's nude to be completely alone. But probably better to be with my own company than this.
Thanks – I'm definitely not breaking up with her, but still struggling with this feeling and probably will be for a while. I'm supposed to leave the house in 5 mins to go meet her for a volunteering thing but I'm so anxious I don't want to go. I feel ashamed of myself , like everyone outside will be able to see my dick or something and mock me. It's not really logical
I have been to many Strip clubs just with friends and it’s never been all that fun. What does he think he’s getting out of a lap dance… it’s not like she’s going to have sex with him. Every lap dance includes your head going in between her boobs it’s not that special. He will get the same exact dance if he goes back. I don’t see why he wants this so bad but it sounds like he’s attracted to that stripper. Sit him down tell him going to the strip club is never going to happen. He shouldn’t want to go if you don’t want to go. If he can’t get over it then maybe it’s time to move on. I know it sucks but just see what happens after talking to him and if he can’t accept not going to the strip club it’s just time to move on. I wish you the best in figuring this out.
We went on a date last week to the movies and often go on playdates with kids together (not just my friend's kids, but my wife's collegues kids, school kids, …). We try to hang out most nights and watch TV/movies/go for walks.
It's nude for my wife to be around kids; she had a really rough childhood and the lack of freedom kinda drives her nuts. We have tried lots of strategies to deal with this but it's a constant struggle…
I usually prefer to hang out with people 1:1, don't deal well with groups of people. We do sometimes have outings as families (my family + friend's family) but no matter who I hang out with I prefer 1:1 time.
Add “chick” to his name every time til he gets the message
She takes her son of course. She's hasn't moved out since february. When she leaves she tells her son not to talk to me and goes no contact with my son. About a dozen times from a few days to 3 weeks. I honestly think her mom was sick of her moving in and out constantly why she hasn't this year.
I'm not perfect, I did tell her to move out once about 2 years ago. I've called her names, but nothing this year I'm trying to improve.
She expects that it's the “Man's job” to reach out every single time. I know I could have ended this 10 days ago by groveling and apologizing taking 100% fault. I just don't think that's workable long term. Also, if she doesn't want to marry I think that's incompatible with my needs, that I expressed from beginning. My father thinks she is actually wanting to get married and is upset I don't talk about it and this is her way to communicating that; if that's true my head hurts. Bottom line she called off the wedding plans this year and now next year so my motivation is really low.
I constantly walk on egg shells with her.
Every mistake I've made is brought up. When we argue she brings up my exs and tells me this is why they broke up with me, she's never met them.
She's currently in court to get full custody of her 8yr old. the baby daddy is local, business owner- Has paid $0 and barely sees him, often canceling. He left her to be with another woman. He was her first. He physically beat her to the point of the ER, supposedly– I never heard his side, I'm sure he would have a lot to say.
She used to say how bad he was, now when we argue he's better than me. She never wants to offend him, refuses to go get child support. I have to hear about this guy too much.
Oh, apparently she would give her own mother the same silent treatment for days/weeks even though she lived with her. I know i'm not special.
On the pluses we don't drink/drugs When she's not icing me she's amazing to me and my son. Very clinging, like crazy. Extremely jealous, if I don't respond to a text even at work she'll ice me. She's very loving when not icing, will go anywhere with me, do most any activity.
Lately she's put her job ahead of family, but she wouldn't admit that. Works 70-100 hours a week
She doesn't need the money at all. No rent, car was paid for by her mom, no utilities, no college loans, no cell plan, health insurance. Clearly no financial need to work overtime. She barely sees her own son, as he goes to the grandpa, and she's working so much.
He is not high value. He is a f$&@boy. You can do better and deserve better. What a low disgusting human! I work out most days, sometimes twice and I don’t think that makes me any better than anyone else. I also have a decent body count (also 35F) honestly don’t know the number because it doesn’t matter! I’d kick him the the curb but that’s me! I’m happy single and won’t change that just to not be alone. Especially for someone who tries to hypocritically devalue me. Was that man right out of your hair!
Ding ding ding ding ding. This is the answer
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this.
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I’m assuming you’re both young and he’s inexperienced with relationships? To me, that sounds like he most likely said yes because he felt like he was supposed to and then he got stressed about it and didn’t know how to talk to you about it. It’s easy for small things to roll into arguments. In this case, it was mostly a lack of communication.
Whoops my b
Majority of the top comments are saying this tho. Alot of people are saying don't throw your marriage away for job, he can't control you but he can leave you, or saying it seems like a scam.
Some are asking if he usually acts like that etc I thought the comments seemed okay??
He's purposely making you feel like shit to break you into compliance.
When derogatory and hurtful names are constantly being told to you, you start to believe them.
You are not any of those things. Remind yourself of that every moment you can. And for the love of God leave this fucker.
You said in your original post you said he was a much better father than yours and his. You never said in your original post that you felt unsafe.
To be honest, I do think the felony murder rule is unjust and unfair though just like many other laws which currently exist.
Cheating is sometimes a tragic expression of unmet needs and sometimes a psychopathic act. It can also be other things.
The notion that cheating is absolutely inexcusable is laughably simplistic. It's the logic of a child.
Even so, I understand someone worrying that you might cheat because you trust a cheater and cheating is a grave violation of trust. It sounds as though, in this situation, there was not much trust to violate. What an unfortunate situation all around.
I'm not in your shoes. I would state my position as you have outlined it and hope for the best from my partner. If they replied utterly unreasonably and refused to discuss the matter, then that would figure in to my long-term plans with them.
If you talk this through and the relationship survives, it will undoubtedly strengthen. If you don't, then at least one of the ticking time bombs you're sitting on comes into clearer view. That's something.
Good luck.
Yeah I have been told that by my family. 🙁 The break was due to his flaking & lack of communication. The problem is he says a whole lot of things & whenever we do see each other it's amazing, but the in-between is not good. My standards are also super low & I started to believe that I am the issue, like I am wanting too much from him. Ironically I was more confident in myself before dating him, but the back & forth has wrecked my self-esteem…even typing this I wonder why I put up with it. Partly because I have 0 friends (have struggled with physical & mental health so lost all of them due to that) so it's nude to be completely alone. But probably better to be with my own company than this.
You poor thing. He must be convinced you are his doormat.
Thanks – I'm definitely not breaking up with her, but still struggling with this feeling and probably will be for a while. I'm supposed to leave the house in 5 mins to go meet her for a volunteering thing but I'm so anxious I don't want to go. I feel ashamed of myself , like everyone outside will be able to see my dick or something and mock me. It's not really logical
I totally get it, just didn't read it right! Lol I'm sorry!
I have been to many Strip clubs just with friends and it’s never been all that fun. What does he think he’s getting out of a lap dance… it’s not like she’s going to have sex with him. Every lap dance includes your head going in between her boobs it’s not that special. He will get the same exact dance if he goes back. I don’t see why he wants this so bad but it sounds like he’s attracted to that stripper. Sit him down tell him going to the strip club is never going to happen. He shouldn’t want to go if you don’t want to go. If he can’t get over it then maybe it’s time to move on. I know it sucks but just see what happens after talking to him and if he can’t accept not going to the strip club it’s just time to move on. I wish you the best in figuring this out.
We went on a date last week to the movies and often go on playdates with kids together (not just my friend's kids, but my wife's collegues kids, school kids, …). We try to hang out most nights and watch TV/movies/go for walks.
It's nude for my wife to be around kids; she had a really rough childhood and the lack of freedom kinda drives her nuts. We have tried lots of strategies to deal with this but it's a constant struggle…
I usually prefer to hang out with people 1:1, don't deal well with groups of people. We do sometimes have outings as families (my family + friend's family) but no matter who I hang out with I prefer 1:1 time.
You’re right. They have a pact.
Yeah. Let me just say this, bro: my ex did the exact same things. Let me guess here:
You tried to de-escalate and she told you that you were condescending and turned it into a giant argument that you couldn’t escape from.
Then she wanted you to apologize for her manic bullshit and here you are now.