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Date: December 1, 2022
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Good people do make big mistakes, and do things that hurt the people around them. The idea of good and bad is really a reflection of our morals and beneficial behavior, and isn't a dictating mold that predefined everything before it actuates.
The way you're reacting to this tells me that you are not a “bad person” who can't learn from his mistakes. You did something wrong, and you will always be responsible for that- but it's something that should teach you, not define you. The guilt you feel is the price you pay for what you did. Try to live with it for what it is. Sit with the guilt without trying to deflect it into an all or nothing, and realized what that actually means to you.
My advice is that you do this from time to time when you're attacking yourself.
Stop. Take a deep breath and take a second to ground yourself.
Label and identify what you're feeling.
What is this telling you about what you want?
How do you achieve what you want?
Don't run away from the guilt. It is your penance. It will pass.
Yes, you are dumb and can be on the hook for child support no matter what she says now. Why are you even on a babies and pregnancy forum anyways? To hookup and take advantage of desperate women trying to have a baby?'
Go get some therapy and wait to have a kid with someone you can actually raise the baby together with.
Divorces are pretty much never “no problem”, especially when there are kids involved, there was adultery, there are significant shared assets, and especially especially if the couple works together. They tend to be miserable, drawn out, and enormously expensive, nearly all the time.
Its none of my business so feel free not to disclose. Were you seeking, or was there a time when you were seeking a more intimate Bond with your friend? It would not impact the advice I offered, but I Was having a challenge with some of the puts-and-takes you reported. FWIW.
Id be mad too
Use condoms AND birth control
Yes I’m very sick of this mentality that SAHMs have to be perfect bangmaids in order to not “Taking advantage” of their husbands, when so often it is the other way around. Yeah some mothers do take the piss, but mostly it’s the bread winner putting down the other, growing resentful, acting like the SAH(M) doesn’t do shit and has sacrificed nothing, starts to treat them badly, cheating on them, divorcing them once the kids grow up and leaving (her) nothing but (her) childrens love that (she) raised almost entirely on her own.
Pronouns that way because of course there’s some homosexual or reversed-gender situations also applicable but obviously we know by and large who this applies to.
It's true, no one gives a damn about the girl's hypothetical bf. Stop bothering her, god
The Universe is doing you a favor here. Take it.
Break up and block him completely on all fronts. He wants to have you as a back-up plan B to go back to after sleeping with other people without repercussions. Fuck that. Let him feel the consequences of his selfish behavior, and dont give him an option to come back after finding out that dating isnt as fun as he thought it would be and he is ready to return to you with excuses and STDs.
You cant reverse this, OP. There is no going back. Research sunken cost fallacy. You are still really young. He sees you as expendable and also expects you to be his doormat possibly-future-GF that would run back to him when he snaps his fingers. Serve him a warm wake-up call with “Fuck Off” muffins and chose your own self worth over this clown.
Thank you for the comment! I appreciate it
So he is manipulative and is showing the first signs of emotional and verbal abuse. By telling you this he is trying to train you not to believe his abuse because “it is not true.”
You need to break up.
Ok, so she needs therapy then. Do you help clean the house, and do laundry? Do you give her a break to go to dinner with friends.
They are from a different era. They abused me growing up but they haven’t abused their grandchildren. The only way they know how to show love is through money basically. I hope you understand what I meant now by them being cold.
You can't ask him or force him to take medication. Best you can do is find out the benefits and side effects (Which there are) of the medication and maybe tell him there are solutions if he starts feeling self conscious of his hair loss
Fwiw, it doesn’t seem like either of you actually do understand the other. And you sound like you may well be as close minded and as sexist as you accuse him of being. Maybe spend less time letting yourself on the back and both of you just try to understand where the other is coming from.
I’d recommend you both try naked not to view life’s struggles purely through the lenses of your respective biological sexes. He’s not immune to the dangerous posed by other men just be nature of having a penis in common, for example. This is a stupid hill for either of you to die on after three years together.
If she can’t gracefully accept that not everyone can afford to jump through all of her bridezilla hoops, then she is not a true friend. Many weddings these days have become out of control both financially and logistically as the bridal party is expected to shell out thousands of dollars and burn through limited vacation days in order to meet unreasonable demands.
Your priorities are your husband, child and household, not your friend’s wedding. She is asking too much of you. Don’t sabotage yourself to keep a friendship.
She’ll win everything because thats how it works
For some reason the old post won’t open for me, but from the jist of things, you fucked and married his friend and completely disregarded him.
As the Joker says: you get what you f*ing deserve.
Her sex toys were in the trunk of her car? She is taking her masturbation on the road? Does she travel for her job? That is highly unusual.
Why? Whats the cool down period? Must wait at least 24 hours post sex to be serious? If I just keep banging I can avoid all serious discussions?
This relationship is not good for you. Break it off.
Because clearly you don't understand how bat shit insane you're being.
If someone doesn't reply to your texts, you move on. You don't yell at them, then get pissy when they don't want to hear from you.
He probably answered the phone just to get you to shut the fuck up and leave him alone.
It is really too bad that you got married. He seems to make some really huge kneejerk decisions that aren't well thought through (like getting married again). Time to sit down and have the conversation. Let him know that being married to someone in the military isn't what you want for your life but you're happy for him if that's what he decides to do. You just won't be joining him, and you'll file for divorce. No pressure either way.
So, about 1 in 50? I wouldn't want to take that chance.
If he would treat her that way, what’s stopping him from doing the same to you?
Not saying he is, but there’s a precedent for it now. Gonna be naked for you to trust him. I’d end things personally but that’s just me
Like, what the hell did he think was going to happen?
Even if you had “given up” and figured your cat would have a good life with his co-worker eventually you would have had a conversation with his wife about it.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she left him as well for taking part in something so shitty.
Why would a man want to benefit from his girlfriend money?