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Kristy, 19 y.o.
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Date: December 4, 2022
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obsession and love are two different things. your definition of love sets off so many alarms in my brain for an unhealthy attachment style that can border dangerously on being abusive. IM NOT CALLING YOU AN ABUSER. but that line of thinking has lead many people down that road.
It's a jealousy grab, only reason to go out to bars is affirmation and shopping for the bbd my guy (bigger, better deal) drop the relationship. Don't pay for anything at the least man.
You should look up toxic female personalities and misandry and the guise of feminism.
Maybe watch some jordan Peterson as well. Just saying you should be armed and aware of the predators out there. It's not money it's after, it's your happiness.
Typically people will expect more of what you give them. Which is why it's very important for you to establish boundaries early.
If you desire to have a relationship with this person, you need to tell them about everything you've written here. And that in order for you to stay in this relationship you'll need to change some things about the dynamic you have currently.
Pay attention to how your partner responds. They'll likely be upset. But if they're willing to hear you and make adjustments then that's a good sign. If they get upset and expect you to manage their emotions then that's a sign that they're emotionally manipulative and it might be best to cut your losses.
Plan plan plan and leave her.
She often asks me to be “more understanding” but won't communicate exactly where i can improve. It's kind of frustrating at times, but I just assumed it's the same for all women. Thanks for clarifying
If you are telling him it hurts you and he continues to do it then that is abuse. Tell him it is abuse. I had a similar issue with my bf but he was (or so he claims) unintentionally hurting me while angry. One broken nose, busted up face, too many bruises and two fractured ribs later and I broke up with him. I had a hot time figuring out if it was intentional or not and separated from him for a year. I told him if he lived me he would have to go to anger management and therepy. He did. Don't let anyone hurt you ever.
Then I don't see anything controlling here. What I see is a woman taking her frustrations in life out on her partner.
Also, I wouldn't marry someone who was lying to me about something critical to our financial stability as a couple.
Honestly I was going to clear the air but since you put it that way I’m going to just leave things the way they are. Thank you for the comment! I really needed an outside perspective.
Not religious enough to not have unprotected sex without being married, but religious enough to bring an unwanted child to an less than ideal situation. Marvelous.
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He's not the one who cheated – it was a previous boyfriend.
he already did gift her parents. it was her turn now, read the post.
WHERE ARE THE DRUGS?! and WHO is he doing it with?
You are not the majority of people which is why we have specialist divorce lawyers and divorce laws. Whether you feel a certain way or not doesn’t mean the OPs partner would be amicable in a breakup.
Bottom line : It’s impossible to trust a cheater again . Nothing is ever the same after someone cheats.
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Kids and together for life? Get married or you are doing it wrong.
I'm sure your reasons for not doing so are very unique and make you feel very cool and greater than, but you are actually just being childish.
There are innocent people in jail because of women like her. People like her are not to be trusted and are the scum of the earth. You would be insane to not run for the door.
Have you tried telling him how you feel?
Block him, and move on.
So what you're saying is that you thought she would be more attractive than she actually turned out to be? And so, you were no longer interested in hooking up.
But you did, because why? You couldn't help yourself or you felt trapped or you felt you should?
So you're feeling unsettled, which means lesson learned. Next time, more self control.
Later, privately, her girlfriend told me she’s a trans woman and doesn’t get periods.
The girlfriend outed herself to OP
Proud of you. I wish you much happiness in your future.
You’re only 20lbs more than what you were before after 2 kids? That’s barely anything, your husband is just an asshole. It took my wife 2 years to even start losing weight after the second kid and even now she’s still 30lbs more than she was before pregnancy (she’s still working on it, it was a slow recovery), but I still think she’s incredibly cute and never take my hands off her.
You don’t need to change, your husband does
I used your name to make sure you saw the post. He’s saying the hormones has changed her agreed upon attitude.
Just another creep with teenage dating mindset chasing after girls have his age. Just Wow!!
No. Ultimatums don’t work. Maybe once or twice but then they go weary of them and resist.
Find a girl that knows how to apologize. Find a girl that can have a calm discussion of a problem and not a yelling match. Find a girl that is not using you as the backup plan. Find a girl who’s DNA is respect. Check out how she treats her parents.
She don't compromise, so you don't have to. She is unreasonable, not you.
She wants your attention. It is a childish need. I see it in some of my children. You can give her in another time and other way. Buy the problem is deeper and it may require a professional counselor.
Keep your ground. You are in your right and she tried to sabotage your plans.
THIS IS THE ONLY ADVICE TO TAKE GIRL I HAVE BEEN THERE
He is ONLY staying because you're gonna be helping with a place to on-line
He NO LONGER RESPECTS YOU he is LITERALLY talking to you about other women and doesn't Even Expect you to leave him.
CUT HIM OFF NOW
If not your BEST case Scenario is you're going to be stuck in a lease in a new city with someone who Dumped You and he will be bringing that coworker over to your home because “he's single now and can”
DO NOT MOVE WITH HIM
You would Never Do This. You need to seriously think about how little you would have to care about him to tell him you're falling in love with another man and constantly think about another man when you're with him.
That's exactly how he feels about you right now. RUN
Thanks for your input. I just find this situation strange. He openly hates his job and I've made every effort to help him find a new one so I don't understand why he hasn't tried.
I would report it to his work if ya can or serve him divorce papers at his job.
Not a lot of sense to talk, between you and his sister he is choosing her.
Get out and find someone who puts you first
Leave the email open and full screen on the laptop for the next time she uses it. Fuck the haters, its your laptop and you trusted your gut.
Let the fact that her own bullshit is washing over her while you watch her reaction, then start the confrontation.
Cut right past her bullshit. She'll probably, immediately try to go into storyweaver/”I can explain” mode, so come out of the gate strong.
I have always been told to open with a joke, so hit her with: “As a hypothetical, do you think your phone would get physically lighter if you deleted all your messages with him?”
Maintain eye contact and proceed. Get the answers you need.
I’m DEFINITELY not making any excuses for him, but this is very typical of guys his age. I’m not saying all men in their early 20s are perverts but they do tend to be fixated on all things sexual and spend a lot of time talking about it with their friends. This is NO reflection on you. I’m sure he is very much attracted to you but his behavior is rude and disrespectful. Unfortunately as others have said, he may agree to stop doing it but he’ll probably just learn to hide it better. On the bright side, most guys kind of grow out of this behavior when they hit their mid/later 20s. You could always give him a taste of his own medicine and send your girl friend’s pictures of half hot guys!!
Not when you're raised to be a conservative. Those people are a fucking cult.
He's not able to date right now for whatever reasons. Maybe it's his business, maybe he's got ADHD. Whatever, stop chasing and making plans. If he asks you out, lay down the law- its disrespectful to not show up and treat you like that. You're worth more.
OP, this information is what you need to know!
Ah ok. I see it going one of two ways
1) You take this loudness thing and her not being able to be quieter as an incompatibility thing. You decide that you can’t spend the rest of your life being anxious and annoyed and unable to sleep at night.
Or
2) You decide that the relationship is worth it despite the night challenges. You get your own noise canceling headphones and play white noise a little louder than you might want it. Maybe even taking melatonin or something as well to try to get to sleep easier. You close the door and learn to on-line with it.
Neither option is right or wrong. But you have to decide. Time will likely not solve this problem, so you will have to.
You say he's going to therapy, but have you actually done couples counselling together? Like, in all honesty, you really should've done that when you first got back together. Even if he did do a total 180, going through a separation like that is going to take a toll on a relationship.
It sounds like you're worried your relationship may be unbalanced-with you having far more control than him. Like, sit down and talk to him about it, then, tell him while you are happy with how things are, maybe it's for the best you get some joint therapy to ensure you get on the same page and everything's balanced (emphasise that you're not about to leave again, but this is a problem that can be fixed and it's okay to get help with it)
and, the pathetic scum he was cheating with!
Just because she's pretty doesn't mean that I'm a door mat