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I would think so, yes. If touch is his primary, that means that there are definitely times he feels the lack, unlike you who likely barely feels this bc Quality Time is something you get often. I think over time it will just chip more and more off of him. I'm sure he's grateful for your efforts though but I'm a bit doubtful if it will last if it's something he values very much and you never progress in getting used to it. Good luck though!
She remember the kissing and groping so she does remember some of the night to that point, and their was a witness who said she willingly went to the room with the guy so she choose to go with him there. What happened after wasnt her fault, she got assaulted but if what the friend says is true and she made thay choice to go to the room then she choose to break the boundary
Get professional medical help
Being a depressant doesn't mean it makes you depressed emotionally, it means it slows your breathing and heart rate. This is the reason mixing two depressants, like alcohol and opiates, is a bad idea. They have similar effects and when combined can kill a person, as they can stop breathing or breath so slowly that they don't get enough oxygen.
Please stop saying “it's a depressant so it depresses your CNS” as if depresses in this context is sehow related to depression or suicidality
You already know what to do. It wasn't good of you to lead him on and you know that. So do what is right and stop dragging it on even more and end it
its gonna get far worse then that man ,hes finna show up at her work waiting for her or at your home
Yes, she is the one who calls me. Doesn't even say, hold on a sec or anything, just starts yelling at her kids or talking to someone else while I'm talking or if shes in the middle of talking to me.
How did you find out he used to look her up in the past? Also how did you end up in his search history?
If she really wants an open relationship and you don't then maybe it's time to go your separate ways. Also date someone closer to your age.
You’re right. He might be even taking advantage of that situation now depending on his actions.
Not really, porn sometimes maybe i see your point but following other girls of course not
YES. Please read some posts about infidelity and how it absolutely devastates the betrayed spouse. It is literally the most selfish thing a partner can do in a monogamous relationship. You may be in an open relationship but your friend is not. Infidelity will even affect their family members. Do Not do this.
“I don’t understand why he chose to watch these girls” why do women say things like this? Men like large breasts, we’re animals. Most of your future bfs will watch porn of women who don’t look like u, spk to a good male friend about this, so u don’t spend the rest of your life being disappointed
Even if you weren’t OK with it you did absolutely nothing to stop it. You enabled it and made excuses for it by saying it’s his mental illness it’s not him. His mental illness is a fundamental part of him
There is something wrong with your bf. What he did is illegal in most western cultures.
I hesitate to point out the myriad of things that could go wrong, but I'll say this: it's a decision that removes much more positive outcomes in your life.
You have done 5 times more than enough. These people are grifters. They have been showered with help and only want more. Cut them off or you will be subsidizing their grandkids. They are going to bleed you dry. At the very least STOP GIVING THEM STUFF. if people try tell them that have all they need now and are so grateful and want it donated to a refugee center.
Eventually the boss will get tired of taking care of them as well.
People have given you good advice and I’m going to offer an alternative perspective.
Do you have mental health problems and do you have problems committing to things generally? It may be worth approaching this from that angle. Perfectionism can really ruin a relationship. If you have trauma, it can make committing to relationships more difficult, because it can breed a perfectionism expected in people. I like the Instagram account “yourdiagnonsense” for discussion about these sorts of things.
If you suffer from any kind of OCD, look up ROCD.
People say relationships should just be easy and that we always know what we want but it’s not always the case. If you don’t know what marriage and commitment looks like then you have every right to be concerned about “til death do us part” vows.
I do agree that if you know she wants to marry you and you don’t think she’s right for you then maybe you’re wasting her time. People deserve a “fuck yes”.
That being said, marriage is a big commitment and you want to be sure about it. It sounds though like you don’t know what would need to change other than just…who she is as a person, which isn’t fair on her.
What are you expecting the right relationship to look like and why? Is it realistic?
You are staying with her out of convenience and are wasting her time and leading her on .
Just call the cops
What he doesn't know can't hurt him. If his ex didn't want him to know and had no identifiable father, no use getting involved now.
he said he doesn’t have to listen to me I asked him why? and he brought up that he’s the man and I’m the woman. The man always get the last say so.
He told me “Because… it's how it has always been. End of the day the man is the leader, he makes the final call & His woman has to trust him plus his word.”
holy sh*t what!?!?!
So glad I read in your other comments that you were going to end this relationship! I would have been laughing so naked in that guys face if he said something like that to me hahhahaha
Ah yes, great way to start fixing things between them, having his wife resent him for the rest of their lives for basically threatening her into get an abortion. You sound like a very uncaring person.
Omg lol she asked though
I've always told my husband… If you do something that you know will hurt me, and you hide it or lie to me about it, the betrayal of you lying to me will hurt worse than the act itself.
If she just admitted it to you, that she messed up at the moment when she downloaded it, and talked to you how she was feeling, I imagine that it would be bothering you a lot less now. Because she hid it, and then tried to cover it up when you asked, that's making it harder to trust anything she says.
I think that the only way you will know how you can move forward, and whether or not you can both feel happy and satisfied and secure in your relationship, is to have a talk about everything. Healthy communication helps a lot.
Best of luck to you.
My boyfriend had an ex like this who was so insanely jealous she wouldn’t let him talk to his SISTERS and accused him of having sexual relationships with male friends whose homes he slept over at, and he’s completely straight. That relationship only lasted a few months but it hurt him deeply enough that he was shocked and grateful I didn’t care if he had female friends or wanted to spend time with his family members. Run because it only gets worse from here.
I can't help but notice that every comment is a stance that the gf can only be at fault here on some level of another. I think it's important to acknowledge that it's not the only possibility. I'm certainly not saying this reaction is okay. But the reasons why it happened aren't limited to she's a bad or immature person.
In my experience with people very close to me, this combination of elements could be triggering because of something traumatic that she went through. It could be something that she didn't even remember happened or still doesn't.
Obviously, I'm speculating. And I fully acknowledge that maybe she is just immature or something else that should cause concern about her mindset. But it's not the only option and I assume you didn't post here to hear only one point of view.
I'd just suggest using what you know about this person that none of us internet strangers know. It's your relationship. You know this person as a whole. We only know her through the snapshot of this conversation.
Yes that would make it their date.
Marriage counseling, and if that don't help. Divorce
Because there is no excuse for cheating. If you feel the need to get your needs met from someone else you should end the relationship before starting another one.
Why do you know so many details of your female friends marriage? Her sex life, dull marriage etc etc etc. How often do y’all get together to discuss your marriages?
No, people can not change. This is not worth your time.
You deserve better.
Please end this, tell her to piss off, and never contact you again.
literally
I'm not comfortable about her past, and I don't even know her. She needs some therapy . She was probably aroused thinking about her dirty little secret..and there's a chance she's thinking about it when you 2 have intimate relations
I wouldn’t place any value on any comments from “the naked one” – she sounds like a nasty bitch. Literally just dismiss everything she says as being shallow crap.
The other comment about Thailand is vague and it’s not clear if the coworker would’ve made the comment about any guy going to Thailand. You could ask the coworker if there was a reason for his comment. Unless there are more examples like this, I wouldn’t read too much into it.
If you have an issue with him following/liking girls stuff, that’s okay and you should bring that up with him. Some people are fine with it, some people aren’t. Personally I wouldn’t be okay with my bf liking instamodels bikini pics (there’s just no need) but if it’s just his girl friends posting normal pics of their life then I would have no issue.
I understand if it’s making you think that maybe they’re seeing a side of him that you don’t see and that’s worrying you.
If you are worried that they’ll think less of you because they think your bf is fat/stupid then you need to learn to care less about what others think and be more secure in yourself – I wouldn’t bring that up with him as it doesn’t make you look great.
Frankly, if she cheats or not is secondary concern. You are both threatened by a ” crow”. Thus is already blackmail level of manipulation. There is reason illegally obtened evidence are not accepted in court, and often lead to dismiss. Your cannot trust it and they can be far more offensive as the original perpetuation.
So stand with your gf. You will clean non monogamy concerns when you will be in relative safety.
I'm not with him. I kicked him out. I'm just wondering if I'm wrong for believing he cheated again. My gut says he did because he hadn't given any explanations as to why he would block someone nice to him if he didn't messed around with her.
It’s really tough to say.
but what’s more important is she can earn enough to “support the family”
It shouldn’t be. You just crunch the numbers on a spreadsheet. Then add other expenses because children cost more.
I’m not willing to take on the stress of a family being financially dependent on me.
That’s often the way life works. Are you willing to be childless otherwise?
She doesn’t do more at home because she feels it should be a shared role.
But she’s not sharing the costs or time. Sharing doesn’t mean equal house unless it’s equal work. It means equal relationship contribution.
In particular I know she wishes I cooked more and cleaned better because I do both tasks worse than she does.
Why wouldn’t she. Everyone wishes they did less. She should be more concerned about getting better and contributing more effort.
She has been looking for work and wanted to start a business. I paid for about half the set up of material costs to show support, but she hasn’t really pursed this.
For how long? What’s the time frame in months?
And I really don’t know what role she wants. She’s from a more relaxed culture so maybe that’s a part of it.
You just ask her. This is what you discuss.
You likely would be fine with traditional roles if she pulls her weight. The irony is you already have them without the benefits of a traditional GF/wife.
Whether they break up or not, you need to back off from her or you will lose your friend.
Your choice.
We’ll doesn’t sound like he wants to be serious with you either, if he can toss you away this easily after hooking up. Find someone else, this is honestly getting pathetic.
I would let it be. You weren’t rude IMO. The reality is, Bob knows damn well what he pulled, and his own embarrassment, shame and guilt is the driving power behind his discomfort.
Are you sure he didn't decide to leave because he'd done something wrong and didn't want to risk being found out?
It was a provocative picture and he said that it's probably a side chick and I hate that he's too chill about it. I probably overthink this but what if he does it to me too? Idk
I agree. Their issues can't be over an all you can eat crab feast. Lol. No biggie on the downvotes, they even out with my original posts upvotes.
This is a tough one.
You're possibly early enough in the relationship to address these concerns… But if you don't, it will get worse.
The other thought I had on this is that often people's expectations of others is based on what they would do (con men think everyone's working an angle, frequent liars think everyone's lying often). Is your boyfriend someone who would mess around on you? Would you know? And yeah, I know how toxic that line of thinking can become.
If he's not playing games and this is heartfelt, then he's got all sorts of self-doubt that he needs to resolve. You can support him in that, but you need to let him know that this is -his- problem and that his self-esteem issues impact you.
If he's not careful, he may create a self-fulfilling prophecy by driving you away with his suspicion.
Of course it is, Jesus. And stop being so dramatic eh
I know exactly what I'd do. His shit would be out on the front lawn waiting for him when he gets home from work.
Ooooooooo shit I'm getting my hopes up
… the guy brandishing his weapons is not something to be taken lightly. At least let someone like a family or friend know, if you plan on staying with him after this.
Saving souls one sphincter at a time. Amen.
Was waiting for the gross stuff.
So leave. If you aren’t comfortable with his past and his desires, find someone who matches your comfort leve
Maybe she's just depressed because she feels stuck in a relationship with you
What example can you give us? Were you apathetic to someones feelings because they put themselves in the situation? Did you call someone ugly when they felt insecure? It's good to be truthfull, but you don't always need to say it and you can always package a message into nice words. Without an example we can't know who's right here
I would say this is likely not the best solution.
You talk to your BF, and make it clear it's on HIM to deal with this. If he doesn't, that's all you need to know.
Yes, I did
I know it is but I don't like doing that, because I hate when people do that to me. I feel like I should give them reasons
Time to evaluate the future of this relationship. If they do not like you now, then the hope of a future relationship with his family is bleak. The fact that you’ve met them 5x in three years and online together in a location close enough to visit on the day of his birthday, does not speak well towards how he views his relationship with you. It would be different if he had a bad relationship with them. But that doesn’t seem to be the case
You don’t have an in laws problem, you have a bf problem. He should have invited you, he should put his family in their place. He lets them disrespect you. It’s unacceptable.
I don’t want to not have him in my life? I just want to know if it’s possible for the relationship to be successful like this.
How much longer are you willing to stay with him if nothing changes? You gave him notice that you were unhappy with your sex life four years ago, and you've continued having that conversation to no avail.
I think you should tell him that you are considering walking away, and the main things keeping you there right now are your child and your financial entanglements.
The longer you stay in this relationship as is, the more it will continue to erode your self esteem and your mental health. You can leave now and keep them intact, or you can leave years down the line when they're nearly completely destroyed. Frankly I think it will be less damaging for your child to grow up in a co-parenting situation with a mentally stable mother who has self-love, rather than for them to see their mother broken by their father's porn addiction every day.
She seems very into herself. Is she a narcissist or just immature. She cheated. Now she is punishing you for her cheating
Pretty reasonable to consider fucking a family member something that should be disclosed prior to marriage.
Support him on his divorce, show him that he is not alone
I saw your other comment and you are 100% correct. It’s not about the stuff!! It’s about getting access to and control of YOU! Do not be or meet alone with him EVER again. Make sure he never gets a chance to see or speak to you without someone else with you.
I have done that before. I have ended things before where I would give him everything back, still he would contact me nonstop from different numbers and social medias and wait outside my house until I talked to him. All those times I forgave him because he promised to change.
The gifts mean nothing to him. I think It’s just his way of feeling he has control over me & happy that I do whatever he tells me to.
She’s not distancing herself because you are a “grumpy” dude. She’s doing it because you’ve consistently dismissed her complaints about your behavior. Do you understand the selfishness of that kind of entitled behavior? You exist in an ecosystem, not a vacuum. How you behave effects others around you.
Why would she stay with someone who makes her feel like she doesn’t matter? You claim to love her, yet you’ve allowed your behavior to impact her to the point where she no longer wants to be in your presence.
You don’t need couples counselling right now, you need personal counselling yesterday.
If you want to salvage this relationship, or have a healthy one in the future: (1) connect with a therapist ASAP. (2) give her space. (3) PRACTICE KINDNESS with her. (4) expand that practice to those around you.
Jerks end up alone. If you see your behavior changing the close relationships around you, adjust your behavior. It’s not up to other people to accept poor treatment from you.
Brad is a wanker. Jake sounds like a good person. You need to grow up a bit and stop being in any way concerned about what a bunch of frat guys think about anything, least of all what they think about who you are or are not friends with – clue: stop being friends with Brad. Be friends with Jake.
You invited chaos into your life so you shouldn't be surprised that you've ended up with chaos. For someone 27 years-old to have no ambition to earn a living and to expect a non marital partner to support them is borderline pathological. It's just not a condition that an emotionally healthy person would be okay with. So of course she doesn't behave in the standard way. Her mind doesn't work like that of a standard person.
Agoraphobia is leaving the safety of an item, person, or place that makes you feel comfortable. Often described as uncontrolled social situations.
Claustrophobia is the feeling that the world is caving in on you because there isn't enough space to breath.
I feel like OP's boyfriend is showing agoraphobia because he is comfortable in places he is familiar with. He also seems afraid of situation s out of his control