Yo, I'm that level of petty. If he feels the need to think about someone else while doing it “with you” that's sad enough, but if he asks for you to pretend to “be them” that's a whole different level of wtf. Ask for him to pretend to be someone else and see if it's returned, if he agrees, tell him you don't feel comfortable that he wants to see “different people” while having sex.
What you should do is dump his ass for even trying to open up this ridiculous double standard and ridiculous idea in general in your relationship. He doesn’t want a relationship he wants to fuck around the campus while you wait for him like a good girl. Go on-line your own life, dump his ass and make the best of it for yourself. Boys like this are nothing but trouble and are absolutely not worth your time
Probably not going to say anything too different from others. But what I've recently learned is it doesn't matter how much you love them. If they lie , even if caught , even if you know them well enough to know it's a lie , even when you express how much it hurts you . ESPECIALLY for silly reasons.
They're going to keep lying. It's all they know . And when they can't accurately communicate with you. There is nothing you can do to fix , repair , or feel safe in the relationship.
I wish it wasn't this way. There are many amazing and beautiful people who are compulsive liars for various oftentimes defensive reasons. You cannot sustain a relationship if your open and honest and willing to work and they want to hide and lie to escape.
Actually yes I have, and I understood that was a part of his job. Just as when I worked in high end commission based menswear my partners understood that I was a little flirty as a part of the job. Are you going to hand her a few bucks every time she flirts with you? No? Then she can’t do that with you.
I guess I know this, but as several of my friends have pointed out I can be a doormat. I just keep hoping the situation improves and it doesnt. But the “you shouldn't be paying her mortgage” comment has really got me.
She is doing this shit because she’s thinking that you might cheat on her to get back at her. Most cheaters have this way of thinking because they’re shitty people themselves, so they project their shittiness onto other people.
That being said.. She may be right about your lack of commitment and you might not be aware, as it could be subconscious (as it was for me). You’ve been burned once in this relationship already, and since then she has continuously manipulated you and tried to force her way.
Break up, you’re already broken and that shitstain (the cheating) will never go away!
So you need to separate making fun of, and criticising thing about your country.
Ideally he should do neither, but if you are discussing something like the cash culture there (which is weird to a lot of outsiders given how advanced technologically Japan is for most other things) him pointing out the things that are from his point of view incorrect (so criticism) is fine so long as it is within the confines and context of the discussion.
Making fun however is a different thing, and as you are obviously not okay with it, then he shouldn’t do it at all (other people might have different views to you about what is acceptable. For example I know some Americans who hate when outsiders make fun of America, and others who laugh along as they think their country is a joke)
Now as to his comment about earthquakes – they are not a joking matter – they are in fact a deadly serious matter, and no where hat has earthquakes treats them as anything else. He is completely ignorant and disrespectful to think that people are not scared of them, and that the fear is not valid.
You probably need to seriously consider if you want to be in a relationship with him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I have kids with my ex husband, who I left because of the way he treated the kids and I. I got remarried last year and I was surprised today when new husband snapped. My kids are very young and my first grader didn’t want to go to school this morning. They haven’t been feeling great and stayed home yesterday. I understand husband was running late for work, kid was late for school, but he just snatched them up, yelling and child started crying and then I told him not to yell at the child like that, which caused more yelling and cussing and now we’re in a huge fight. Kid is home. I am home. I need advice, please
He actively lied to you and hid a side piece for 6.5 years! He is a liar and a cheater. Over and over and over.
This is not a guy who can be trusted. He is not marriage material. He is the painful lesson you learn before you go out and date other people and find the one.
We guys get caught up in the moment. Our feral side comes out and we only care for our needs. It's not something we can control, it's just nature.
Someone told me that you should marry someone you want to be like, and you should have children with someone who you want your children to be like.
I wouldn’t want this person in my life based on what you said here. I don’t think there are any good qualities that outweighs bigotry.
I know for sure it was meant for me. He put a Calendar emoji referring to our Anniversary Date. But yes. It is best to block him!
Thank you!
Maybe she can ask the company, because I doubt she's the only one with a partner.
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How are we supposed to know why he's doing that?
I mean sure, I could guess probably….Let's see.
He's lonely and wants a friend to talk to?
He's trying to make you jealous?
You were his comfort place so he feels he can tell you anything/everything?
He's having a hard time letting go?
He's a selfish asshole?
Pick one or a combo. We don't know the guy.
I know you don't want advice, on /r/relationship_advice but I agree with /u/FrauAmarylis. Cut all contact with him and move on.
It's probably the only way you'll be free of him and happy.
Yo, I'm that level of petty. If he feels the need to think about someone else while doing it “with you” that's sad enough, but if he asks for you to pretend to “be them” that's a whole different level of wtf. Ask for him to pretend to be someone else and see if it's returned, if he agrees, tell him you don't feel comfortable that he wants to see “different people” while having sex.
What you should do is dump his ass for even trying to open up this ridiculous double standard and ridiculous idea in general in your relationship. He doesn’t want a relationship he wants to fuck around the campus while you wait for him like a good girl. Go on-line your own life, dump his ass and make the best of it for yourself. Boys like this are nothing but trouble and are absolutely not worth your time
Probably not going to say anything too different from others. But what I've recently learned is it doesn't matter how much you love them. If they lie , even if caught , even if you know them well enough to know it's a lie , even when you express how much it hurts you . ESPECIALLY for silly reasons.
They're going to keep lying. It's all they know . And when they can't accurately communicate with you. There is nothing you can do to fix , repair , or feel safe in the relationship.
I wish it wasn't this way. There are many amazing and beautiful people who are compulsive liars for various oftentimes defensive reasons. You cannot sustain a relationship if your open and honest and willing to work and they want to hide and lie to escape.
Actually yes I have, and I understood that was a part of his job. Just as when I worked in high end commission based menswear my partners understood that I was a little flirty as a part of the job. Are you going to hand her a few bucks every time she flirts with you? No? Then she can’t do that with you.
Did you still see them from time to time? Has either of them apologized to you? I hope they lost friends and they rallied around you.
He's the problem, not you.
Eh. She married a cop. She knew she was signing up for domestic abuse, him cheating is the least of her worries.
I did also say superior, first actually.
I guess I know this, but as several of my friends have pointed out I can be a doormat. I just keep hoping the situation improves and it doesnt. But the “you shouldn't be paying her mortgage” comment has really got me.
Or porn learned. A lot of bad habits get picked up
I think your husband was being creepy and she's distancing herself now. Ick.
She is doing this shit because she’s thinking that you might cheat on her to get back at her. Most cheaters have this way of thinking because they’re shitty people themselves, so they project their shittiness onto other people.
That being said.. She may be right about your lack of commitment and you might not be aware, as it could be subconscious (as it was for me). You’ve been burned once in this relationship already, and since then she has continuously manipulated you and tried to force her way.
Break up, you’re already broken and that shitstain (the cheating) will never go away!
So you need to separate making fun of, and criticising thing about your country.
Ideally he should do neither, but if you are discussing something like the cash culture there (which is weird to a lot of outsiders given how advanced technologically Japan is for most other things) him pointing out the things that are from his point of view incorrect (so criticism) is fine so long as it is within the confines and context of the discussion.
Making fun however is a different thing, and as you are obviously not okay with it, then he shouldn’t do it at all (other people might have different views to you about what is acceptable. For example I know some Americans who hate when outsiders make fun of America, and others who laugh along as they think their country is a joke)
Now as to his comment about earthquakes – they are not a joking matter – they are in fact a deadly serious matter, and no where hat has earthquakes treats them as anything else. He is completely ignorant and disrespectful to think that people are not scared of them, and that the fear is not valid.
You probably need to seriously consider if you want to be in a relationship with him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I have kids with my ex husband, who I left because of the way he treated the kids and I. I got remarried last year and I was surprised today when new husband snapped. My kids are very young and my first grader didn’t want to go to school this morning. They haven’t been feeling great and stayed home yesterday. I understand husband was running late for work, kid was late for school, but he just snatched them up, yelling and child started crying and then I told him not to yell at the child like that, which caused more yelling and cussing and now we’re in a huge fight. Kid is home. I am home. I need advice, please
Edited to add:
Also, I’m pregnant with his child
If the roles were reversed you’d all be accusing him of cheating or not being honest. If it’s just a joke, why keep it?
I'm sorry, but you leave.
He actively lied to you and hid a side piece for 6.5 years! He is a liar and a cheater. Over and over and over.
This is not a guy who can be trusted. He is not marriage material. He is the painful lesson you learn before you go out and date other people and find the one.