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Erica, 19 y.o.
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Date: December 8, 2022
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Unless both these adult brothers are paying rent the only person(s) who can do anything about this is whomever is paying to keep a roof over all of your heads. No one else has any authority to demand quiet at night. So your boyfriend should speak to his parent(s) and ask them to have a word with the brother about all these late night histrionics. He should be told that if his girlfriend can't respect that sanctity of everyone else's sleep she'll no longer be welcome in the home.
I have a brain tumor. I admit the rest of my health has taken a back seat.
I would find that super alarming.
To me it sounds like a threat, like “quite complaining or I will give you something to complain about” kinda vibes.
Not saying that is what he is doing, just how I would feel if I was in that situation.
Real question: Why are you still in contact with anyone in your family at this point?
Well yeah but I've been cheated on in the past this sounds like a for of dependency or emotional love yes if unchecked it will probably lead to them having sèx
It might be a big deal if Dengar was somebody who mattered. Was he? You made him seem like some random nobody. If everybody but you thought he was irrelevant, it might not be a big deal.
Don’t ditch your schoolwork for your boyfriend. Your education is the most important thing right now. If your boyfriend doesn’t understand the sacrifices you have to make to achieve your educational goals, he shouldn’t be your boyfriend.
A lot of people are giving some very good advice here, but I just want to ask. Who the hell listens to the person they supposedly love cry for two hours alone, then watched it for another 20 and thinks “aww yeah that's nude, sex time”? Like just all of the no. Even the most touch love language people I know would just be offering hugs and cuddles and tissue, unless the conversation had been had ahead of time that sex makes their partner feel better when in emotional distress. I don't think your boyfriend actually gives a shit about you. His only concern with what he wants, and he wanted to get off and his bang maid needed to stop being broken and give it up.
I understand your concern but your sister already knows what she is doing if she continues to choose it is not your fault. if she blames you or if you're parents blame you again it is not your fault.
Imagine if you get married how much worse it's going to be when you find him with other women. I don't know what you want us to tell you but he is not going to stop and he doesn't feel bad. He only feels bad he was caught
At best it's disloyal and shows he doesn't seem to understand or support you. I think you need to have it out with him.
I really don’t want to involve his kid as he’s only 4 and I don’t think it’s like the best thing to do, and he hasn’t actively cheated and I don’t want to be a home wrecker unnecessarily
I will end my friendship with Sean, that’s the right thing to do. I’m not really in love with him, it was more sort of a mental connection, but I really love Bob instead
Why is he your boyfriend? It seems all he cares about is sex.
I hate to say this, you have boundary issues.
What happens when someone communicates interest in you is you turn them down and you don’t want consider the friendship with them. Out of respect for your partner. It seems you continue to build some sort of friendship with this person. It could probably be confusing and some mixed messages. If someone was to slide and message me telling you they like me I will tell them no thank you I have a girlfriend, and if they didn’t respect it, I remove them from my life without being told.
I am also a very touchy person. Touch is my language. However, you sound like me when I was 19. Touch is also a means of justification to open doors and give comfort. Touch without boundaries is dangerous and unacceptable in a relationship. You need to set boundaries of touch of is it is not acceptable and what is OK. I don’t walk in and give my coworkers hugs. In a professional setting, I might shake your hand. I have very few female friends that I would give a hug to. The ones that I would, have been strictly friends since childhood. Any partner I have ever had has known this.
Right now you were learning what commitment actually means. Today we on-line in a world when we can just talk to anybody at any time. Anybody can reach out to us and we can look for comfort anywhere we see fit. Unfortunately, that is the opposite of commitment. if you truly are committed to a relationship, you don’t enjoy those conversations with other people who are interested in you. You don’t begin to crave things from other people. When you are committed you establish boundaries and you hold firm to them and you see a relationship to the end, knowing that you and her did not work out because you and her we’re not compatible. This does not happen anymore. As soon as someone feels there unhappy they just MoveOn. It’s everyone’s right to do that but it’s also destroying the world. We live! in as far as relationships.
If you’re committed to your girlfriend, stop your crap. If you’re not committed to her, let her find somebody who will be committed to her. You are having micro affairs with this person.
Well, he’s clearly the exception the
Yeah true. It is early enough now where we have time to figure out what we wanna do. I just don’t wanna end up wasting either of our times
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I’ve not made excuses at all I’ve tried to be really really careful about it. I’ve not mentioned the spiking theory to anyone involved it was just suggested by another friend I don’t want it to sound like an excuse at all. All I have done so far is apologise as much as I can and give people the space they are asking for. I agree with everything you’ve said around that.
My boyfriend has emphasised that he wants me to sort things out with our friends as well as we’re all a very close group so I’m trying my best to make things right with everyone
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In my experience of having multiple friends in their early twenties, when dating someone with more than 10 years older, it is often toxic. Maybe 30 and 40 is not a big deal but 20-30 is. It always start with the love bomb, luxurious trip,flowers, bags. Than the mask slipped off…
When you say that you fight, does he ever grab you or scream in your face?
Red flags are everywhere in this, but be honest, he is obviously dangerously unstable.
I agree with you actually, until this is sorted it's much better to have no sex.
And no form of contraception is completely risk free.
All I'm stating is that it she is willing to risk it with condoms, but still wants to be child free. Maybe think about female condoms so she is the one in control.
This is often just a random function of training/experience and the current job market. As long as you enjoy what you do and so does she you just be happy that you two can earn above your basic needs and save for the day when that the market is not so kind. It will come sooner or later.
I think he having never encountered the situation needed to process it
Honestly, this is the worst way to come out to your child about being poly. Then not helping him cope with the trauma through therapy and continuing to aggravate things by dressing up to go out on dates etc
A good parent will help their child get support for a traumatic situation.
So yeah I’m this case these people can’t be a good parent and non monogamous.
This is my oldest friend so I can’t help but make excuses for her. Like maybe this is something she does unconsciously, and if I point it out, she will try to work on it to stop it?
His comment was fine, your apology comment is the weird one.
Also I just don’t want to personally speak on the effectiveness for a person with allergies this severe. My cat tolerated the waterless shampoo (TropiClean) but I don’t know exactly how effective it was at reducing the dander
Not everyone is same…
Ask him, not strangers on the internet. Not everyone is into sharing personal pictures of a vacation. Nothing worth worrying or thinking about.
Wow!! Just wow. I have no words of advice just words of comfort. Kudos to you for keeping your composure during what I’m sure was a difficult time. I know your wife appreciates your support and love. Keep that going. There is some good advice on here pick what works best for you and your family. Best of luck to you man. ??
Yikes what’s going on?
This is kind of 'precarious.' I mean, I'm the type who'd say, yes, he should know your background. But uh…he's working at the same place…
I'd suggest before telling him, you have another job lined up.
There's always that likelihood, you guys break up/stop dating in a month or so (due to whatever), then he gets bitter and he decides to spill to HR and/or workplace about your past and possibly causing you more issue with your employment.
You've only known him for 3 months you do not have to give him your history. Let me tell you what's going to happen if you tell him he's going to tell everybody in your office and then he's going to kick your ass to the curb sorry to be harsh but that's what's going to happen everybody in the office is going to be looking at you as if you're a w**** and then you will lose your job. If only one other person in the world knows what you have been doing leave it alone you don't have to be totally honest with somebody who you've only known for 3 months.
My head hurts
Then for her it is really important. I am from Eastern Europe and my mom would be pissed if I didn’t wish her happy women’s day. I do think she overreacted a little because she should know most other places don’t take it as seriously.
Yes and yes
Go. You basically committed the full litany of trust destroying choices. It will be nude if not impossible to overcome that and you need to work on yourself urgently.
One of the key things is to realise you make decisions in the present. Those decisions may be impacted by previous patterns of thoughts, but you need to stop using that as an excuse. You are not a programmed drone incapable of learning and making the right choice. Blaming it all on who you have been is a cop out.
You knew what you agreed to, knew what you were doing and chose it anyway because you felt you could. Look into where that entitlement comes from.
It's your body, he can state his preferences but he gets no actual say in what you do about your body hair.
The only non-lying answer would be he contracted it, but tested within two weeks of his infection date. It can occasionally take that long to show up on a standard test.
The only benefits I can think of are the tax breaks.. I hyphenated my last name when I got married but my SO and I discussed it long before we actually married and our children all have his last name. Considering she was literally holding your ability to see your child over your head over a name I have to wonder what her issue is and it's not being a “modern woman ” because the rest of us modern ladies aren't that cruel to our SO.
Is he opposed to of hiring some help with the house ?
I think you know exactly what is going on and I would hope you husband can see the forest for the trees here. Good luck OP i hope you don't need it ??
To be fair though I think that he's really just caught off guard by how much a stupid lie this is.
My youngest sister did this to me as well. I was helping her out of a shitty situation. Helped her get a job, paid for her public transport travel, and gave her a spare card to pay for that. I was not worried because, well, she is my sister and I didn't think after all I had done to help her do that she would do such a thing. Wrong. She used it to pay for drinks on a night out (which was clearly more than one at a time) and taxis.
Long story short, she is my sister and she still got kicked out and asked to pay it back. This person is not related to you and should bloody well know better. I'd be done.
Lol yea this relationship is going to work. You’re out, the new girl is in. He ain’t marrying you.
These are not small sacrifices. You wanted her to sell her car and get a family car. That's not her responsibility. That's your responsibility.
Don't act like your daughter made snap judgements about your sister. Your sister has a history.
You are right. But people that do that type of stuff don’t think that far down the road. Plus since the business is a partnership instead of a sole proprietorship, the tax filing is done for the company and the principals only have to account for distributions of money to them. I am guessing that the company is making money, maybe not much, but it would not make sense financially other than them avoiding unemployment and employer social security tax payments, which even if avoided will not materially help a financially failing business.
He sounds like an asshole. Why are you even with him?
Depends on whose name on the list whether you can kick him out or you have to leave I think?