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Date: December 9, 2022
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You lost me.
I am bot sure if his grandparent told him about my marriage or not.
I don't want him to feel bad, i feel as if it was my duty as his mom to try harder to stay in his life.
Most dudes watch it, I also fond I silly for you to not want a man to watch porn. Work on your insecurities.
You get child support from him . Hopefully he will want to see his son..if not do like a lot of moms do fight for child support and college plan.
When sons old enough and asks….cross that bridge at that time
You might meet someone fall in love get married and he adopts son..or his dad might want to see him..
POV: a woman who was stalked in her early 20s by a man living in the same apartment complex.
I feel for OP's girlfriend. When I called the police because he punched a hole in my front door, they asked if I had a romantic relationship with him. When he waited in the hallways and played music on his gutair for me, the cops asked me what I had done to make him so obsessed with me.
It took my older brother coming down and banging on his door and threatening to kill him if he ever so much as looked in my direction AND getting a restraining order. After which I was able to get the apartment complex to evict him since he lived too close to me.
Long story short, I was so scared of the retaliation in the beginning. The fear of not being believed ( which I wasn't alot of the time) that it kept me from taking action and he kept escalating, i.e., slipping notes under my door, hiding behind doors when I would enter the apartment corridors late at night (literally last straw for me).
100% take action. Take all the actions you can. Get the police involved. Confront him at his employers. Out him. He should be the one who is scared. He should be the one who is shamed. He should be punished. Get a restraining order. File a report. Do it all. Fuck that creep.
I put a man into a similar situation. We set a very clear boundary on what was okay and what wasn’t. He had a problem with a porn addiction and I warned him ahead of time that I would be supportive in him getting better, but if he wanted to stay with me he needed to lessen it. He refused to follow me on social media because it could have been “too tempting” but stayed following several other accounts that were pornographic. That immediately made my stomach turn over and things were ended immediately. It sounds harsh, but that was the boundary and that’s where my line was drawn and he fully knew that.
When you set a boundary or agree to something or promise something, you know full well the consequences of NOT following it. You’re an adult. You knew doing this could have hurt her. It sounds over dramatic, but you fully knew that audio porn is still porn deep down, there’s really no justification.
Is this a mistake you can work through? 10000%. It’s up to you both to figure out whether or not you want to. It sounds like she’s willing to, but you agreed to something and didn’t uphold it. That’s a huge problem in relationships, not only with porn.
You are only in for the romantic (infatuation) stage. Get the right one and you will move to the calmer enduring love – or not! There are plenty of unmarried for that reason. If you know this it is more of a strength than anything. You know what you want and do not harbour the notion that infatuation only lasts so long. Then love is a bit of work.
Of course it would happen.. the fact she said those things to you along is enough move on.. think about it.. in her mind she will always see you as a guy she settled for and that’s fucked up. You don’t deserve to be seen like that if she truly loved and cared for you she wouldn’t had said those things to you.. imagine if it was the other way around
If he lies about little non important things he will lie about the big important things as well.
Why is that a problem? What are you making it mean that it's a guy? If she was bi, would she be allowed to hang out with anyone?
If she's going to cheat, no amount of policing her friends or controlling her social events is going to change that. People who cheat will find a way to cheat.
What policing friends and controlling her social life will do is create distance in the relationship and make her stop telling you things.
Do you want a healthy relationship? Because this isn't it. Healthy relationships can't exist without trust and communication, and sounds like you don't have either.
You want your options. Tell her that.
But understand that if she has any self-respect at al,l she is going to leave you so fast that you won't know what hit you.
I don’t think you did anything wrong here, you could have offered to take her car shopping or something if your budget allowed, but you didn’t do anything that is wrong.
It sounds like her husband is upset cause he feels upstaged as you said, and he probably feels insecure about his gift, but it also sounds like if she was single and not with him this is something you would have done as well, I think he may get over it in time and you pointing out that this was to help you say thank you for all that she did for you in the past.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a BIG gift, and any big gift always runs a risk of making people uncomfortable, so maybe you could have asked her how she would have felt about something like this, but now that it is done there isn’t anything really wrong, and perhaps just some time will help heal things.
This part got me ?
Stop cock blocking
It’s only an issue if her spending time with him causes him to react negatively to you or she joins the friend group. It’s only an issue if she joins the friend group if y’all had a bad breakup though.
Yup. Either way, if she wants to be with him, definitely shouldn't go to the party where:
Her ex is having likely the most influence (atleast that's how it sounds like and I wouldn't be comfortable with her going there even if the ex wasn't from the same college) On top of that, people they know who are going are very much disrespectful (? I dunno if that's the right word but they definitely are hostile towards him in a sense) towards the “significant other” of hers. Idc if she's in good terms with both sides, she needs to choose. Can't have your cake and eat it etc etc.
She should never ever drink again
You are way too old to deal with this racist idiot.
Nah, that baby is made up of two people. She’s just the one who’s oven it’s being baked in so, she gets the choice. Abortion isn’t the default setting Hun. Men either abstain, get a vasectomy or pray that they get a pro choice partner who doesn’t want kids.
You may think you're safe since you'd never cheat. But what if tou did something else he didn't like? He tells toy he's a psychopath who'd kill your family because of something you might do. Doesn't that tell you there's something to be really, really afraid of? Doesn't that tell tou he's not an ok person? Seriously not ok. Get some help for getting away from him.
Hi OP, I have a friend/Roommate who does this.
Sugar Dating does not mean she had sex with these men. My roommate does this and does not have sex with them, or do anything physical. Sure you can make more money doing that, but she doesn't find it worth it.
A lot of people have a very skewed view of what it means, I have known several people through her that do this in all kinds of different ways. You'd be surprised how many middle aged men will pay just to take a younger attractive woman on a date and spend time with her.
People do things all the time their partners think them incapable of. It doesn't necessarily mean he thinks she's trying to trap him.
Haha absolutely not. I was being actively stalked at my house and uni after leaving an abusive relationship. At one point he was riding his motorbike up and down my block at 1am. He called me 70 times in one hour. He came into the studio at my uni and started screaming at me. I called the cops and they said “there's nothing we can do unless you have recent bruises”. I ended up having security assigned to me at the uni. So no, cops are absolutely useless if you need help.
This person does not want to be a member of society. He needs some serious psychological help. You are not qualified.
Quite a worrying update from OP, carrying on like it might be okay somehow. Some way. Life is too short. If someone isn't that into you, have some self respect and move on.
It doesn't matter how he “meant” it.
Throwing objects at people is Immature & violent.
Full stop.
Realize he probably has his phone within arm reach like 14 hours a day. He has plenty of opportunity to text if he wanted.
Well… your story isn't the greatest. Most are going to overthink that one. It doesn't sound good. Sounds like bs tbh.
Because I haven’t dated anyone serious in months now and I’ve decided to take a break and be happy single and I am actually very but when I met this Jake guy the thought of getting to know him made me blush and I’m curious about him. I’ve learned to grow and change my bad habits and be free of any relationship by enjoying my own company but I wouldn’t mind getting to know Jake he’s very handsome and seems to be a great sweet guy working with sped classes
what's your fucking problem seriously
People keep saying this so I feel the need to clarify, in my post I said she is one of the only POC but I mean in my unit. The corp consists of hundreds of units (it’s a hospital lol) there is not a racism as a whole issue. The CEO is a woman of colour
Go to your mother's wedding adn break up with him. He is being controlling and appropriating the language of therapy to manipulate you into isolating you from your best friend and your family.
Why are you a stay at home girlfriend?
He's pathetic and you need to get a job (or if you're disabled, get the appropriate social security benefits) and become independent.
You can back out of friend 2's wedding.
To put this in the nicest way possible; you’re an idiot.
People can change, absolutely.
He’s very clearly not going to change. Not anytime soon at least.
You knew about him before you dated him, decided to date him despite the relationship starting on the wrong foot, got cheated on, and now wondering if he is going to change?
From his point of view why would he? He gets the girlfriend and he gets to go fuck other people because there are no real consequences for that behavior.
I'm autistic too, and autistic or not, it doesn't seem like it's a healthy relationship for you.
You've done your best and gone far beyond many people would do.
As an autistic person, I find it very naked to make and keep friendships, but specifically because I know what type of relationship I can provide and what I expect of a friendship back, which is not everyone's cup of tea and I understand that- doesn't mean I force my friendship on others or think people should keep being my friend if the relationship turns to be bad for either of us.
I was also late diagnosed, at 21 last year, so it's been certainly a time to adapt and understand why and how it affects me the way it does, and how it affects others-
One thing I think would be very good, if you want to contact her one last time, is to expose what you think truthfully, and what things you think should improve for her to have better meaningful relationships in the future, at least me, I would appreciate that (maybe not in the moment if I feel bad about it, but over time so I can improve). I like when people are direct and tell me how they feel. Your said you aren't good about opening up and saying how you really feel, and while I know you tried it, it might have come out of left field for her since it's the first time hearing you weren't happy with how things were going (I imagine). Don't expect or give foot to any answer though, good or bad- and you don't even need to do that if you don't want to, I just know I would appreciate it myself, but if you think it risks more emotional turmoil for you, then don't.
She asked you to leave her alone. The best thing to do is respect her wishes. Especially if you are anticipating her blocking you anyway.
You messed up. She has requested you to cease contact. Respect that.
There’s a downside to longevity. I’d recommend OP look into “edging” but not too much so as to avoid this exact problem.
Why put a post on an advice subreddit if you’re not going to listen to any advice being given. All your comments are childish and accusatory. You have already made up your mind of why she was crying so why tf come on here. Maybe talk to her like an adult and stop being combative and defensive towards people YOU asked advice from.
Excellent reply. Emotions can get a little crazy in situations like these, and I believe her that she may not know exactly what came over her.
Give her time to process OP, then talk it out.
Since I have gotten questions on this, clarifying that emotional incest and physical incest are to different things.
It sounds like he behaved the same way he always behaves, the difference was that this time it was your birthday. But he has consistently shown you how he is willing to treat you, and by staying with him, you’re consistently showing him that you’ll absorb that treatment. Your expectations didnt match your reality, and that’s disappointing, but setting higher expectations for someone who doesn’t care enough to meet the bare minimum most days doesn’t ever work.
And while other commenters have said you should leave him for driving a motorcycle drunk (and they are 1000% correct), I want to address this a little differently. Don’t ever get on a motorcycle behind someone who has been drinking. Value yourself and your life more than that, please.
You conquer the fear by pre planning what you will do and say.
Figure out your top fears.
It’s a decision, not a debate.
If you have safety issues. Figure out how to ensure or fix it.
Good luck.
Wow. Zero compassion for what I want. Did you apply empathy?
I do care about him. I also care about sharing with the 40 some-odd people in the room I'm close to WHY I love him. Part of the point here is a public commitment, and I'm very close with these people and really want to share with them, as part of this commitment, why after 41 years alone I've chosen to walk the rest of my life with this guy.
Well because I'm operating off the assumption you were raised by a single mother and you are unknowingly trying to continue the cycle of a single parent household. You think it's okay for a woman to have to shoulder the burden of raising a child on her own.
That's good to hear. Obviously, I'm pretty embarrassed by my eye, but I definitely wouldn't want my appearance to cause other people discomfort or embarrassment.
Don't confront him. End the lease and move countries, thats the only way you'll get away from him. Good luck.
“Committed” relationship
That’s the only part of this drama that makes sense. Lol why would anyone let an obsessed creep keep obsessive creepy stuff about their partner
Drive ? Take a train ?
Do you know why some people tell you that you are not easy to get along with?
I support this, smart ohones to know too much about us generally but it is a pretty safe bet it is an clean way to explain yourself if needed
This could be an actual issue or attention-seeking behavior. In either case, she should talk to someone about it. You can encourage her to do that, but it's really up to her. Do not try to become her therapist. Just let her know how much you value taking care of your mental health.
Probably because most people don’t outright say “I don’t want you to come”. It can be rude, can hurt someone’s feelings, lead to confrontation, etc. there are many reasons.
Idk if, from the details, I can confidently say she is “treating him like crap”.
Ah, gotcha. Thank you for the clarification.
If this is a hill you're willing to die on then so be it. Unfortunately relationships are about compromise and sometimes it can feel like you're being slighted.
Remember, it's never you vs. her or her vs. you. It's you and her vs the problem. If that picture really means that much to you then come up with a solution where both of you win.
I think you should sell the house and move. Tell any mutual friends what he did.
You’re either dating an idiot or a cheater. What kind of girl in a relationship brings back a guy from a bar. And then continues to invite him after you voice your displeasure. Massive disrespect. Toss this chick. Writing is on the wall. A future with this kind of person is just going to be shit.
No??????
Then stop doing that. You can choose not to. Tell him it’s over, and don’t pick up the bone or answer his messages.