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Mary, ♥, 18 y.o.
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Date: December 14, 2022
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I’d say he was insensitive but not in the wrong (but I wasn’t there). Maybe he said it in a dick way. Maybe it was a simple observation. If there wasn’t malicious intent behind it, I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. And, if the dude is with you and enjoying being with you who cares how big he might see you. Although, as a dude, your reaction would be a red flag for me because I’m wouldn’t want to be bitched at if I was just having a conversation and not purposely being an asshole.
I suppose he would have easier time finding job in a city then you would in a town. Not sure what can be done if it was just family thing I would suggest moving to him anyway, but not in these circumstances.
However do not marry anyone you don't know very well. It's a recipe for divorce and/or domestic abuse or neglect. People have easy time pretending to be someone they are not. To have ant confidence about any partner you should live with him for at least a year in the same house.
I think you made the right decision in stopping the relationship. In the end, you clearly cared more deeply for her than she for you. You were ready to be exclusive and she was not. If you remained in the relationship you would have become resentful of her for seeing other guys (and lets face it in today's hookup culture, seeing other guys means she's having sex with them too). No way you should want to pine away while she's out having a good time with other men….. No bro, you're good. If she wasn't ready, just move on…..
Its a part of apartment life. I think you are over paranoid.
You’re so right boo ?, yes I am a teen, yes I am disagreeing with everyone. Sheesh
What are you asking about? She is a lesbian and she’s leaving you. Seems pretty clear cut to me
JESUS NOO! NOoo. Don't help! Do not reward this cheater!
Are you still in therapy? I think your therapist can definitely help you with this!
Also I’m going through something kinda similar. I had two friends I thought were my best friends since grade nine. We are all 24F. When I got my dog last year, it was like they finally had an excuse the exclude me and ask me to not come to events (like our outdoor climbing or hiking) because they didn’t want to see my dog. I was really really hurt, and I am SO BITTER, but the signs were all there before I even got my dog. Miss Luna is super sweet and loving and so well behaved and it hurts my heart that they used her as excuse to exclude me.
My best advice from what’s helping me cope with this is that I have to accept that some relationships with people just don’t last or age well, and focus on the good friends you do have currently. I’m trying to not focus on it, and when I feel upset, I have to remember my friends who are there for me and who love me AND my dog. I actually just removed those two now ex friends from social media because seeing them just made me feel bitter and upset all the time.
Whatever you and your husband define as cheating, appropriate porn usage, etc. is a conversation that you two need to have in your relationship. I'm not going to go out and say someone looking at some butts on instagram has a porn addiction problem like so many of the posters on here, I think that's putting the cart in front of the horse.
What I will say is that your husband has a basic RESPECT issue. Whatever his kinks are or material he uses to take care of his business on his own time isn't my concern. What is my concern is that he has so little respect for you that he thinks it's appropriate to do it look at thots shaking their bits right next to you. It's completely inappropriate and he needs to be made to know that it's not OK.
Yes.
Sorry didn’t know you were there ?♂️
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please say you're not asking reddit for advice on what to do after finding CP on your boyfriends phone!!!!!!!!
please say you're not asking reddit for advice on what to do after finding CP on your boyfriends phone!!!!!!!!
Yes you would need to discuss what is acceptable and what is not…swinging is just sex…absolutely no emotional attachment on either end and you both will be ok…
Send a message! If you get a negative or no response, then at least you tried.
Makes you realize how many stupid and shitty the average person is. They’re everywhere and they’re the loudest. It’s tiring.
I’m always open with her about everything and I clarified it in my other reply a lil bit more in-depth but she had them but didn’t start them until about a month later then the 7 days is actual time in between starting both of them not actual prescribed times. I know she’s going through a tough time at the moment being about week 3 of both of them. We occasionally spend some time together but nothing like before. She tends to not open up overtime but rather big groups we’ve had talks before about our past and ways we can improve for each other. it’s just concerning with all this happening in such a close time frame.
Well said.
OP's bf must have an ultimatum or he will never act.
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…if it’s not at your home then absolutely you do it yourself. Find a time to go.
I’m sorry, just to clarify, I wasn’t messaging her “for months” just those few times on the holidays. In between them I wasn’t messaging her at all.
Well, while you might have some co-dependency issues you need to work in, I will say that his answers and behavior is alarming, but unfortunately not uncommon. You're pretty young and I think it's good to see younger people have a more serious attitude about relationships compared to most of this generation.
That being said, as a former serious gamer, and now a casual gamer…………I will tell you that 6 hours is a long gaming session. Don't let him tell you otherwise. I suppose an average gaming session is about 2 hours.
There are many people that have experienced failed relationships because one person was completely addicted to gaming, even people who were married. I've heard of stories of one parent ignoring not only their spouse, but newly born children……because they were so involved into gaming.
When your boyfriend said that he wanted to go a week without speaking, it may not necessarily mean that he's cheating or talking to other girls, but he wants his gaming sessions uninterrupted.
Long answer shorter? No, your standards aren't too high. Your bf does not view your relationship the same way you do and possibly does not view you the same way that you view him. He doesn't sound like he's mature or responsible enough to be in a relationship. When he said that you “hurt him” by your expectations that is a HUUUUUUUGE red flag. He's trying to gaslight you into making you the bad guy.
Career comes before love. No girl is worth sacrificing career over otherwise you'd live with a lifetime of regret. And what's if the relationship doesn't work out then you've lost on both counts. If she loves you she'd support your career.
You cheating won't help shit.
Your husband is shit. You're in your way to be as well.
Just leave him and fuck the new guy.
Send back a picture of you and your boyfriend laughing at her thirst traps! Tell her thanks for the laughs and have a nice life, then block.
Straight guys don’t hang out with other guys in their underwear. And you found him hot sleeping while his buddy is standing there dressed? Straight guys don’t do that either
Trust him?
This is the answer. Be okay with yourself first, OP and only date someone you want to date enthusiastically who also wants you enthusiastically.
I'm sorry this is happening, I also know another couple who waited and then after 6 months realised it wasn't working out. I'm sorry she wasn't honest how she felt. I hope you have support.
No. He just likes the name and since it's 'unique', he decided to use it.
The best predictor of future behavior is current/past behavior. Your boyfriend is not going to magically become the person you want (makes you feel loved, helps around the house etc) if/when you have a baby with him. If anything, you'll have more work to do… alone. If this isn't the life you want, leae before you ate tied to him forever.
She's used two types of birthcontrol and is on the waitlist for sterilisation. What else do you expect her to do?
Look I’m 20. My bf is 20. I would never try to go for someone in high school or that JUST graduated. It’s two different stages of life. Just bc someone is 18 and the government says they’re an adult doesn’t actually mean much. 18 is exactly the same as 17 just with different rules.
Move back out. Everything you listed are nails waiting to seal the coffin:
He is cold and unaffectionate. Gets mad about chores? HE LIVES THERE TOO. So did he just exist without doing any chores or taking out trash or anything before you lived together? He also gets mad at me for helping me do household chores Stop right there. He's not 'helping' you. It's not your job and he maybe helps when he feels like it. You are partners. You are a team – not the mommy that does everything and the kid who 'helps'. Grindr? Really?
You are 18 years old, barely an adult. Learn now to not put up with this shit of the bull. You need to live on your own, make your way independently, especially financially independently, and don't settle for using selfish crappy guys like this one.
You know the answer: you current bf is intensely insecure and he shouldn’t even be in a relationship because he can’t establish trust.
Also, maybe your ex guessed your password/security on your FB account and did all this? He’s a persistent fucker so, I wouldn’t put anything passed him. If he was trying to torch your current relationship, it’s working.
This is just how I see things i told him. After a day, I would link him the post to give his side. idk if that changes anything
Your sister has your back here. While she wasn’t right to do this, she probably saw what was hot for people with rose coloured glasses in the relationship can’t see, which is that your bf has wandering eyes. Dump your bf and thank your sis
Yup that wont work out in the long run
As a 58M with three marriages under his belt I can tell you this totally works, just tell her to get over it.
You can address the rest of the friend group, but don't be shocked when they tell you to take a hike. You fucked your best friend's girlfriend, why would anyone trust you?
It’s a possibility he’s creating new phone numbers to contact her. She may have to change her own number.
Thank you. I do want more open communication, I don’t want to be left guessing or be told after its too late that I messed up. I’m not perfect and am sometimes oblivious, but it’s something I’m working on. To be told I’m denied the little bridge in communication of “hey, I’m feeling anxious can you talk about something?” is difficult to hear. Because it would, in my mind, kick start the cold engine that is my brain. I’m not a magic robot for sure, but I want to do better.
So here’s the thing – even if you both agree that your job is to keep the house spotless, a good partner in a healthy relationship would have just spoken to you about this issue.
They would have communicated respectfully that you’re not meeting their expectations and had a discussion where you both work together to find a solution that meets both your needs.
The 3 C’s – communication, compassion and compromise – which are required for any healthy relationship, were completely missing from his side. He didn’t talk to you, instead he withheld love and affection which is HUGELY UNHEALTHY. It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship if he continues to handle issues like that.
So, if you want to try and fix this, you both need to go to couples therapy and work on your communication. But honestly, I doubt someone whose reaction to a dirty house is to punish you and withhold love and affection actually loves you or is even capable of a healthy relationship. That’s not how you treat someone you love!
Not loving someone is enough of a reason to leave a relationship, OP. Not just for you, but for them, they deserve the chance to be with someone who loves them.
The answer you’ve quoted definitely isn’t the case. You’re already unhappy.
You don't miss the person you were with, you miss the person you THOUGHT she was. I hope you would choose a better partner for yourself than someone who would leave you when you are at your lowest. That isn't someone you can count on, isn't someone worthy of your love and mutual support.
Dodged a bullet. Took you 8 years to get out of the way, granted, but you dodged a bullet. Focus on your recovery, regaining the progress you lost in the gym. If it makes you feel any better, muscle that has been trained before is easier to get back than muscle that's never been trained. You'll get better, and now will see the signs of an unworthy partner moving forward.
Wait, her NSFW fanfic handle is the same as her twitter handle?
But why is that snap still in her my eyes only though
But why is that snap still in her my eyes only though
Exactly. Passivity is a factor in my decision. I am unsure if she fully grasps the reality of the situation despite many conversations about it..
Thank you, I really appreciate you breaking it down for me like this. Super helpful
Uh… that’s not how sex works…
Yeah it’s just hot to not feel dumb cause I just had like a goodbye party a month and might just be coming right back.
Yeah I guess you are right, I was a little nervous when he got this job and now I don’t have to worry about it ever again 🙁
Yeah it’s just hot to not feel dumb cause I just had like a goodbye party a month and might just be coming right back.
Yeah I guess you are right, I was a little nervous when he got this job and now I don’t have to worry about it ever again 🙁
You're not. Calling you one is part of the abuse. Why are you staying in this miserable and abusive situation?
Do tell your boss. But if your ex turns up at your workplace, call police instead of having your boss show him out. If your workplace has security, let them know now too, and show them your ex’s photo so they’ll be aware if he shows up.
If you want split the rent and household expenses fairly, then it should be according to income, not salary.
Your salary plus any other income, should be compared to your girlfriend's salary plus her income from the rental apartment. Then you split that proportionally and see where this ends up.
It sounds like you've done this and you will be earning a bit more, therefore it's fair to make the adjustment your GF is requesting.
I will say that it sounds like you and she are fundamentally uncompatible as a couple based on your different approaches to finances and dating.
Finances: You and she have radically different approaches and this does feel like it would be a continual source of friction. You speak so negatively about her lack of financial acumen, but notice that she was sensible enough to ask for a change to the split once you got a higher income. Shes not stupid, even if you think she is.
Dating: the initial impression I got was that she wants you to pay for all the dates, and pay more of, if not all of the joint household expenses, while her money is to be kept for herself. She wants a traditional ('man pays for everything', 'woman keeps her own money') situation.
she doesn't take any initiative and remains convinced that she doesn't have enough money 'because of living together with me',
Then let her move out and live by herself again if she wants to save money.
But when I re-read this there was one question that came to mind. Has there been a significant increase in joint expenses? Have you both had lifestyle creep?
Leave her bro. It will haunt you if you don't.
I was in this situation once, and the only real advice I could act on was, “Move out AROUND him.” And that's exactly what I did. Just packed up and left, terminated or transferred all services and never let him set foot on my new place.
“Donate” boxes to charity. “Organize” closets. One box at a time. Hell, “move in” with your mom. But don't let him.
Upvoting cuz this should be higher. Thanks for doing some digging to see if there was more to this!!
One weekend with his family, next weekend with your friends
This isn’t rocket science, stop trying to create something out of nothing. Do you have any clue how many lonely people there are that can only dream of a weekend lake trip with their partner?
You have a couple options.
Leave him. Make him get therapy for his insecurity.
…. that's about it.
You have done nothing wrong and he is gaslighting and emotionally abusing and manipulating you. You are not the one that needs to fix anything. He does. He needs to fix himself.
You're better off without him until he does.