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  1. Thanks for the context. The reason I asked, is because there’s a difference between her asking you to do something compared to you offering to do something. To acknowledge what you said, I get that she has made it clear that she’s wanted you to do so.

    Unfortunately, that tiny bit of context changes everything. We’re talking about a singular moment; this instance/day. You suggested that you’d cook her favorite meal for her arrival home. Awesome. Sounds like something a great partner would do.

    But then you made it conditional. That’s where you lost any support you expected to get here. To add clarity, if you came here saying that she asked you to cook her favorite dish, and you responded saying that you’d love to do so if she split the costs, I’m sure we’d still have some thoughts or questions, but to be fair to you, there’d logically be no issue with your request. She’d have been requesting something where you’re doing the work, and you’d be requesting she contribute. Absolutely reasonable.

    The issue here is that you initiated the conversation and made the offer. You could have led with the condition. “Hey, if you split the costs, I’ll make your favorite dish.” That’d given her an opportunity to decide based on said condition.

    You didn’t do that though. You suggested that you cook her favorite meal before she got home. She logically responded quite happily. You then told her she needed to pay for it (half or otherwise). At that point, why did you even offer as if you were making some sort of amazing gesture?

    You don’t need to “mind us.” She didn’t ask you; you brought it up. To drive the point home, it’d be like if she had told you she was dying to see some random movie. Days later, you then tell her that you’re planning to buy tickets to said movie tonight…if she pays for her ticket. Out of context, it’d be reasonable to expect that. In context, you laid it out like you were doing her a favor. What’s more, is incorporating the “mind you.” That’d be you saying “mind you, we’re watching the movie in IMAX.” That’s you choosing the best experience, even if unnecessary, never asking for her input on it, paying for it, and then asking for reimbursement. Nothing you did comes off as positive at all. Understand that.

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