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KASSANDRA-BIGASS Public Chat Channel
Date: December 16, 2022
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The issue I see with that framework is that follow through can't be observed until the other party calls the bluff, if it is a bluff, and even the one making the ultimatum might not know if they'd really follow through until that moment.
It's entirely possible that at the last moment, you might realize you're about to lose something good and you've just been being a stubborn ass who took their partner for granted, and you love and want to be with your partner regardless of whether or not they smoke weed on the weekends sometimes, but it's also possible that a controlling douchebag, having had their bluff called, might be too proud to admit that it was a bluff and carry through with the breakup anyway even though it isn't what they wanted.
If even the person making the ultimatum can't know which category they fall into until the last possible second, it seems like the categories themselves lose a lot of value and distinction from one another as a means to classify ultimatums.
Not controlling he doesn't want to date somebody who smokes. Choose the pot or the BF.
ACAB.
Just stay firm. You gave her a second chance and she didn't even attempt to make things right, she didn't last a week. She just gaslight you and got craftier on ways to hide it. No need for a third chance.
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Hi OP, currently dealing with something very similar. Just add in a pinch of emotional tantrums and meltdowns, and we'd be twins. We both need to get out, I know its naked. Some really sound advice in this thread, really helping me put things into perspective.
The original statement of “this is top3,… top 2” lol
At 31 he should have good hygiene habits, if not it’s probably too late.
He did the right thing by breaking up with you. Would you have preferred he cheated? He didn't want to be that kind of person. Just agree you both liked each other but that wasn't enough.
It's for sure different if the cat is still growing and maturing. Adult cats tend to be more stable in their attitudes.
I hate that you feel the need to be kind, because it’s routed in understandable fear. He’s not being kind to you, he’s being a selfish over bearing prick.
He sounds like he is using you. If you are working so much, being single shouldn't be that naked and when he has his parenting time he will have to step up. I would speak to a divorce attorney to figure out your options. BtW, your marriage counselor is horrible…so bad in fact that I wonder if the person is a licensed counselor
Relationship is made of two.
Rn yours is made of one.
Therefore, it's not a relationship anymore.
Smdh and you fell for it. You are caught up in a cycle of manipulation and abuse, the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
Hi man thank you for the advice, I do wanna get a few peoples opinions together and sort of go from there before I make such a massive decision although part of my mind is sort of leaning to agreeing with you. I obviously love her and my preference any day would be to fix things and keep going but I know I’m gonna have to have a conversation with her about what’s going on and where to go from there. Weather that turns into a break up or not it’s better to have closure, thats where my minds taking me.
Slightly off topic but a couple of months ago one of my best mates broke up with his girlfriend of a year and basically said they just “fell out of love” and they both stoped seeing a future with one another, at the time I just didn’t understand how that’s possible but I must admit I’m starting to see (if not from my perspective but from my girlfriends) how that can happen. Really really sad that that happens but it’s life ig, I know that he actually dealt with it really after a couple weeks and got himself back out there so a sort of happy ending I suppose.
Anyways thanks for the response man
I wanna also say that you have a right to be upset about this. I want my SO to be upfront with me no matter what, even if it's something like this and I do my best to do the same. I
Fighting has mostly been starting with me slowly seeing her enthusiasm get lower. I kept her asking on whats wrong, whats going on, talk to me, this and that, instead of giving her some space to actually miss being together.
It happened 6-7 months ago, just turned 24, she’s going to turn 20 soon. So I personally dont think its really that tragic of an age gap honestly.
I understand that all i wrote might be all over the place, but its quite complicated to explain the WHOLE situation, that will require countless paragraphs (Honestly I’d be willing to write them, if anyone is really willing to go over each small detail of it and help me out here). But that’s why i wrote the TLDR as well.
She’s basically starting to get tired of being chased and stuff, and I figured having her wanting to chase me now is the best way to keep the relationship balanced and healthy.
I truly love her with all my being, theres no doubt in mind regarding that. But I dont want to risk her getting fully tired of it, to end the relationship. And it’s too early to talk about “if its true love this shouldnt matter”. I’m trying to be in the relationship, to eventually figure out if it’s meant to be true love.
And my thing of chasing her and being all lovey-dovey, isn’t something that is a core part of me. The circumstances were as such, and I mistakenly got too carried away with that behavior. I now need help finding the way to re-ignite her flame for me.