What about it is fake. I went out of my way for an older (senior) gentleman. Helped with getting stuff out of way when he was moving. Interceded on his behalf with his Realtor that was off base. Long story but suffice it to say I really did help in a time that he really needed it. He was a rich guy and had 5 cars. They were meticulously cared for. I asked him if he’s sell me any one of them. Bc he was downsizing. I’d be proud to own any of them. When he finally settle in he sent his son to meet me at a coffee shop and I was presented with the title to a 5 year old MERCEDES GLK with only 7k + miles on it. I was floored to say the least. I sold the one I had – plenty left over to pay the registration and transfer tax and pay for new insurance. A godsend.
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Now you have the chance to do things differently: pack your things and leave. Or pack his things and kick him out, if the house is yours.
You have a history of abusive relationships, so you still stay with an abusive guy, because you think his behavior is justifiable. It's not. Get out of this situation before he really hurts you. Yes it will happen. Not may, will.
I mean… she pretty much told him she expects him to be a live in servant for life based on what he said? Whether or not that's an accurate description of events is certainly up for debate, but assuming he's telling the truth, what conversation could you have with someone that thinks that little of you? Even the suggestion is disgusting, I'm not sure how you come back from that. If she actually said what he is saying she said, even her thinking that is relationship ending. I'm not sure what conversation could possibly make someone want to stay with someone who sincerely wanted that from you.
how would it have any effect on ur kids? that makes no sense.
i come from a blended family and I can guarantee my parents contact had no adverse affect on my half siblings, if anything they benefited from it (house cleaning jobs, inclusion on trips and etc)
ur wife is unreasonable and should have never married a man who coparents. shes in the wrong and just doesn't want u to talk to her. But, its not her place. Dont u owe it to ur children to take them in to consideration on this request?
Probably not gonna be popular on here cause a lot of people like to jump to the cheating narrative.
What if her sister and her BIL are having problems? Or if she knows her sister will jump to conclusions, just like you? What if she once had a tiny little crush on BIL and sister knows about it? Because this all might be completely innocent. It is likely it might have been an accidental transfer from her sisters house or from the place where you do your laundry. And if she indeed does her laundry at her sisters house frequently it is logical that she would know what kind of undies he wears.
I can also understand that you going there and asking about it would be really embarrassing for her. Because it would be you accusing her of possibly cheating with her BIL and would show how little you trust her and that the relationship she has with you is not so fantastic. And a combination of any of the possibilities I mentioned above would be a dealbreaker for me too.
My older sister had a childhood cancer that left her delayed. She matured to about 13/14 mentally & emotionally. I'm not going to lie, there were parts of life with her that were a challenge. She was an extra “litmus test” for anyone I dated. She was part of MY life, so anyone who was seriously considered to join my life had to be able to accept that. I would've been the one to take on her care if she outlived our parents.
As is turns out, she ended up with a fatal brain cancer (glioblastoma) that took her April '21. Towards the end of that, she was bed-ridden & the family took care of her needs in between hospice visits. Your gf (former?) is absolutely delusional if she thinks there's anything “incestuous” about that whatsoever. It's medically necessary, basic human compassion, normal bodily functions? Not sure, but it pulls from a part of you that you never thought you could do, but you can.
Anyway, I'm telling you this as a way of relating. I understand where you're coming from. FWIW, you sound like a great son/brother. You would be a loyal & compassionate husband /father. She is twisting all of that, so I don't think she'll be the one to appreciate those qualities in you.
I don't get it, you made plans beforehand, flew out to see her just for her to flake out at the last minute? Boy have some self respect cause I can tell you she does not.
It sounds like the 2 of you are ideologically very far apart. If I were you I'd look around for someone who is into more critical thinking than he seems to be.
more than two years ago, his soccer group suddenly changed their soccer-days from thursdays to fridays. That bothered me the very moment he told me about it. I've told him several times that I'm not okay with it because friday is the day when we're usually invited over by family or friends for dinner, or when people ask us to get a drink (usually the guys from his former group, who don't play videogames). Husband shrugged it off and dismissed my feelings. I have put up with it for about three years now, spending my friday nights alone in front of the tv, feeling depressed and lonely. We're not even invited anymore now because everyone knows that he plays soccer on fridays.
Why aren't you invited even if he can't come? Why can't you invite people over on Fridays if you are lonely?
Why are you sitting around waiting for him to fill your time? Make your own plans!
Thank you for the hug and your comment! I'm sorry to hear that you went through childhood trauma as well. I've been in abusive relationships before too and I really thought this one wasn't problematic. What really hurts is that she had a bad childhood as well and I thought she understood.
Yeah not ruling out the possibilits here but I wouldn't trust anything she said.
Lololol at “lovable biohazard”: name something that applies to a person with pin worms, and every toddler during cold and flu season.
Lololol at “lovable biohazard”: name something that applies to a person with pin worms, and every toddler during cold and flu season.
What about it is fake. I went out of my way for an older (senior) gentleman. Helped with getting stuff out of way when he was moving. Interceded on his behalf with his Realtor that was off base. Long story but suffice it to say I really did help in a time that he really needed it. He was a rich guy and had 5 cars. They were meticulously cared for. I asked him if he’s sell me any one of them. Bc he was downsizing. I’d be proud to own any of them. When he finally settle in he sent his son to meet me at a coffee shop and I was presented with the title to a 5 year old MERCEDES GLK with only 7k + miles on it. I was floored to say the least. I sold the one I had – plenty left over to pay the registration and transfer tax and pay for new insurance. A godsend.
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My dad would say, “if you thought you liked that guy, wait until the next guy. You’re going to like him so much more.”
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You shouldn't have done what you did, sure.
Now you have the chance to do things differently: pack your things and leave. Or pack his things and kick him out, if the house is yours.
You have a history of abusive relationships, so you still stay with an abusive guy, because you think his behavior is justifiable. It's not. Get out of this situation before he really hurts you. Yes it will happen. Not may, will.
Don't put your life on hold for someone else.
I mean… she pretty much told him she expects him to be a live in servant for life based on what he said? Whether or not that's an accurate description of events is certainly up for debate, but assuming he's telling the truth, what conversation could you have with someone that thinks that little of you? Even the suggestion is disgusting, I'm not sure how you come back from that. If she actually said what he is saying she said, even her thinking that is relationship ending. I'm not sure what conversation could possibly make someone want to stay with someone who sincerely wanted that from you.
….
how would it have any effect on ur kids? that makes no sense.
i come from a blended family and I can guarantee my parents contact had no adverse affect on my half siblings, if anything they benefited from it (house cleaning jobs, inclusion on trips and etc)
ur wife is unreasonable and should have never married a man who coparents. shes in the wrong and just doesn't want u to talk to her. But, its not her place. Dont u owe it to ur children to take them in to consideration on this request?
Probably not gonna be popular on here cause a lot of people like to jump to the cheating narrative.
What if her sister and her BIL are having problems? Or if she knows her sister will jump to conclusions, just like you? What if she once had a tiny little crush on BIL and sister knows about it? Because this all might be completely innocent. It is likely it might have been an accidental transfer from her sisters house or from the place where you do your laundry. And if she indeed does her laundry at her sisters house frequently it is logical that she would know what kind of undies he wears.
I can also understand that you going there and asking about it would be really embarrassing for her. Because it would be you accusing her of possibly cheating with her BIL and would show how little you trust her and that the relationship she has with you is not so fantastic. And a combination of any of the possibilities I mentioned above would be a dealbreaker for me too.
I swear this is 100% real. The language we use comes from couples counseling.
She is not the one for you.
My older sister had a childhood cancer that left her delayed. She matured to about 13/14 mentally & emotionally. I'm not going to lie, there were parts of life with her that were a challenge. She was an extra “litmus test” for anyone I dated. She was part of MY life, so anyone who was seriously considered to join my life had to be able to accept that. I would've been the one to take on her care if she outlived our parents.
As is turns out, she ended up with a fatal brain cancer (glioblastoma) that took her April '21. Towards the end of that, she was bed-ridden & the family took care of her needs in between hospice visits. Your gf (former?) is absolutely delusional if she thinks there's anything “incestuous” about that whatsoever. It's medically necessary, basic human compassion, normal bodily functions? Not sure, but it pulls from a part of you that you never thought you could do, but you can.
Anyway, I'm telling you this as a way of relating. I understand where you're coming from. FWIW, you sound like a great son/brother. You would be a loyal & compassionate husband /father. She is twisting all of that, so I don't think she'll be the one to appreciate those qualities in you.
Hold your ground. Depending where you are in EU and her status, it will be TONS easier to fly in. Driving is absolutely NOT the way to visit NYC.
Source: Me, a NYCer for 20+ years.
I don't get it, you made plans beforehand, flew out to see her just for her to flake out at the last minute? Boy have some self respect cause I can tell you she does not.
It sounds like the 2 of you are ideologically very far apart. If I were you I'd look around for someone who is into more critical thinking than he seems to be.
You learned something huge about your girlfriend; she will lie to invent the reality that she wants to portray. IMO this is a giant red flag OP.
The age gap is a marinara flag but this is not about the Iranian yogurt.
more than two years ago, his soccer group suddenly changed their soccer-days from thursdays to fridays. That bothered me the very moment he told me about it. I've told him several times that I'm not okay with it because friday is the day when we're usually invited over by family or friends for dinner, or when people ask us to get a drink (usually the guys from his former group, who don't play videogames). Husband shrugged it off and dismissed my feelings. I have put up with it for about three years now, spending my friday nights alone in front of the tv, feeling depressed and lonely. We're not even invited anymore now because everyone knows that he plays soccer on fridays.
Why aren't you invited even if he can't come? Why can't you invite people over on Fridays if you are lonely?
Why are you sitting around waiting for him to fill your time? Make your own plans!
You don't have a relationship, or a girlfriend. You have wishful thinking.
Plus you have a woman who lives in the same town as you who's interested.
Why not pursue the one that is actually interested in you.
Cause it sounds like your long distance FRIEND. Is a waste of fucking time.
Thank you for the hug and your comment! I'm sorry to hear that you went through childhood trauma as well. I've been in abusive relationships before too and I really thought this one wasn't problematic. What really hurts is that she had a bad childhood as well and I thought she understood.
So a person who is female and was employed by your husband is now apparently just going to fuck him because they are of the opposite sex?
Yeah, your insecurities are shining through.
If you don't trust your husband, end the relationship.
My dad just stays in his room. He really doesn t want to come at us, but he has no choice. I asked her each time before coming to us.
Why did I get downvoted:(
I just felt sad that because of an action of a few perverts, we always get generalised
I’m sorry if I upset anyone
The alarms starting ringing early on, but “slapped me in the face too nude (lovingly)” was the loudest one
She’s already agreed to pay for those!!! He wants the extra money on top of it!
All men? No.
All men 45-years-old, hanging out alone on the beach, approaching and feeding drinks to pretty 25-year-old girls? Absolutely.
Sometimes the lead up to the relationship is better than the relationship itself.
I’d move on since it’s only been a few weeks