Your boyfriend is allowed to masturbate. Most adults of all genders look at porn sometimes. It’s not about you: it’s just stimulation for jerking off. I’m a married woman. I masturbate regularly and have sex with my husband regularly. We both look at porn, both alone and together.
You can be uncomfortable with it, but trying to control what someone else looks at when they masturbate is not only invasive, I have never once heard of it ending well — the person being told to never look at porn either does it in secret or quietly builds up resentment that their partner feels entitled to police their solo sex in this way.
I’m sorry you were SAed. It’s totally fine for you to decline sex sometimes or for longer periods of time.
But you can’t expect your partner not to masturbate during these times (or any time, frankly). Your expectations are not realistic. You are making him responsible for your self-esteem, which isn’t his responsibility.
You’re violating his privacy and trying to police his behavior.
It sounds like you have a lot more healing to do before you’re ready for an adult relationship.
Your self-worth cannot be dependent on whether your boyfriend masturbates and how.
?? thank you thank you agreed
Your boyfriend is allowed to masturbate. Most adults of all genders look at porn sometimes. It’s not about you: it’s just stimulation for jerking off. I’m a married woman. I masturbate regularly and have sex with my husband regularly. We both look at porn, both alone and together.
You can be uncomfortable with it, but trying to control what someone else looks at when they masturbate is not only invasive, I have never once heard of it ending well — the person being told to never look at porn either does it in secret or quietly builds up resentment that their partner feels entitled to police their solo sex in this way.
I’m sorry you were SAed. It’s totally fine for you to decline sex sometimes or for longer periods of time.
But you can’t expect your partner not to masturbate during these times (or any time, frankly). Your expectations are not realistic. You are making him responsible for your self-esteem, which isn’t his responsibility.
You’re violating his privacy and trying to police his behavior.
It sounds like you have a lot more healing to do before you’re ready for an adult relationship.
Your self-worth cannot be dependent on whether your boyfriend masturbates and how.
That's not healthy.