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1. Sometimes the right thing to do as a parent, is also the hardest thing.

   I have two little boys who love their cousins and grandparents. My sister is bipolar and had an episode that resulted in the emotional abuse of my so. While my parents stood by and did nothing.

   I promptly packed the car (we were out of state on vacation) and left. I haven’t spoken to any members of my family since then. (*To be fair, this isn’t an isolated incident. My parents were abusive to me while I was growing up. They sought therapy and treatment at my request prior to having access to me or my family. They went 5 years without incident. I have told them at least once a year that if they are ever party to my son’s abuse, they will I’ll never have access to him or the remainder of my family again- so they were warned.)

   Christmas and birthdays are tough. My son asks me to hey we can’t see his cousins and my parents. I tell him the truth- that sometimes people aren’t mentally healthy and can hurt your feelings. I told him that until they get better, which may never happen, it isn’t safe to be around people that hurt us.

   It is teaching healthy boundaries. I share that I still love and miss my family and it is okay if he loves and misses his family too. Sometimes doing the right thing to protect ourselves means that we hurt at first too- much like cleaning out a cut.

   Honor your feelings and the kids feelings while also holding your boundaries. To be honest, learning this lesson now will teach them a valuable lesson about healthy boundaries, healthy love and self-live and how to accept and feel difficult, painful feelings. It is important to shift the focus back to places and moments of pleasure- new moments of connection, adventure (going some place new without memories), cuddling and letting them express their anger and frustration with you as well— And showing them that you still love them and will never leave.

   I can’t emphasize enough. Never lie to your kids. If your boyfriend is an alcoholic, he is an alcoholic. If he anger issues, than share that with them.

   Alcoholism is an incurable disease that can get better with treatment. It can cause people to become angry and do stuff that isn’t safe from themselves or you. Your fiancé chose not to get better, and because you and the kids can’t be safe with him, you had to leave.

   There really is nothing more to be said. The rest of the conversation will be about holding space for their emotions and validating them.

   Simple (and as hot) as that.

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