That’s just them giving their unwanted opinions me and my wife have never discussed it before but Ik she wouldn’t be comfortable with me hanging out with a woman alone and I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with her doing it tbh I can’t think of one married couple that does that if it’s working for you and your bf and you guys are happy I wouldn’t change a thing who cares what they think those people are gonna matter less and less don’t put stress on your relationship because they don’t like it you don’t owe anyone an explanation
True and he knows how I feel about physical things as my ex did a similar thing. But I’d still feel bad leaving especially if I was in the wrong with this situation
Finally a sensible, rational comment on this sub. It has really gone to the pits. Sure there will be a ‘divorce’ or ‘ abuse’ remark elsewhere in the comments
Ah, ok, the way she brought it up, is a bit manipulative. It’s like she knows it’s a problem but wants permission, but also doesn’t want to admit she wants to do it. So if you’re mad about it, she can lie and just say she was only asking.
A better way to say it that would be more direct and less manipulative “hey, just fyi, I plan to flirt and guys might give me some numbers, but I see it as just good fun, I’m not trying to get with anyone, that cool with you?” She’s still asking but also owning she wants to do it and why.
But that’s a benign reason for why, she also could have less savory reasons as well. Maybe tell her if she wasn’t going to do it, she wouldn’t ask, so she clearly is thinking about doing it, so she needs to own that and tell you why she wants to do it, before you give more of your opinion on it. And to be honest, how good are you at telling if someone is trustworthy, do you have ways to tell? As this gives off very iffy vibes and you might want to double check if she’s as trustworthy as you think she is.
Your friend is 1000% right. There’s a reason that guy isn’t dating women his own age. Because he can get away with things (disrespect, control, etc) that women his age or closer to his age, wouldn’t tolerate.
You have such little dating experience. I don’t care if you’ve dated a handful of guys, had a long term relationship in high school, or whatever—it’s literally not enough time on the planet to experience all the elements of dating.
Watch. Refuse to have sex with him. Say you want to take it slow. He will dump you. I guarantee it. He is only with a 19 year old girl for sex and her naivety. If you refuse to sleep with him, he will just move on to another young naive girl.
He does not care about you. At all. Your friend cares immensely about you. Your friend is sensible.
You writing this entire post SCREAMS how naive you are. I’m sorry to say it, buts true. I’m just a 29F telling you how the world works as a woman to a woman.
I mean, if he agrees then what’s more to talk about? He should stop replying to her outside of work related matters. He doesn’t need to make a song and dance of it – but he should definitely do it.
You tell your grandmother that this man stood by when her son did not and though he is in your life he is not the same level as the man who Was there during your very hot parts of your life. You are making right decision.
Right?? You are way too young to be dealing with this. Don’t have a kid for the love of God. You will be stuck doing 90% of everything plus taking care of a kid. Men like this will not be waking up in the middle of the night or change diapers. This should be the push you need to remove yourself from his life
Removing a condom without the other person not knowing is rape: it invalidates the consent, because consent was given under different conditions.
That said, your communication and decision-making around safer sex practices is just a mess in general, and I'm willing to believe this was a good-faith mistake on his part because of that. Really, your general inconsistency and ambivalence about using barriers, and the apparently unclear communication about it, is the much more worrying problem than the specific incident you mention. You say you “never” use barriers, but then describe using them on multiple occasions – that's a contradiction, and it suggests that youhre not being clear with each other and haven't established a clear baseline of expectations around safer sex practices.
Do you default to using condoms or not? If you “never use protection,” why did he have a condom on to start with? I think you need to figure out what your ideal sexual health practices would look like for yourself first. Maybe that means not using condoms, since you say you don't like how they feel – though it doesn't sound like you've tried all that many different kinds of condoms if hehs run into yhe same.problem every time, so it also might be the case that a different material or brand would feel better. (There are also insertion condoms.) Does it include any other kind of birth control? What kinds of discussions are you having about the sex you're having, and is there a way those could be going better for you?
Once you know what you want, have a series of conversations with your boyfriend about what he wants, and how you can accommodate each other. I'd also say he needs to learn how to use condoms – the problem you're describing is user error, probably in sizing. He needs to try different sizes and materials until he finds one that stays put. He should do that even if the two of you arenht going to use condoms, because he's going to need to know for future partners if you break up or if you die before he does.
That’s just them giving their unwanted opinions me and my wife have never discussed it before but Ik she wouldn’t be comfortable with me hanging out with a woman alone and I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with her doing it tbh I can’t think of one married couple that does that if it’s working for you and your bf and you guys are happy I wouldn’t change a thing who cares what they think those people are gonna matter less and less don’t put stress on your relationship because they don’t like it you don’t owe anyone an explanation
you said “call or message her somehow” which sounds an awful lot like stalking when talking about someone that you´ve never spoken to before.
…so then this is a perfect thing to start a conversation about…
True and he knows how I feel about physical things as my ex did a similar thing. But I’d still feel bad leaving especially if I was in the wrong with this situation
are you a mental health worker? and, does your period send a notification before coming down? mine doesn't
Finally a sensible, rational comment on this sub. It has really gone to the pits. Sure there will be a ‘divorce’ or ‘ abuse’ remark elsewhere in the comments
Ah, ok, the way she brought it up, is a bit manipulative. It’s like she knows it’s a problem but wants permission, but also doesn’t want to admit she wants to do it. So if you’re mad about it, she can lie and just say she was only asking.
A better way to say it that would be more direct and less manipulative “hey, just fyi, I plan to flirt and guys might give me some numbers, but I see it as just good fun, I’m not trying to get with anyone, that cool with you?” She’s still asking but also owning she wants to do it and why.
But that’s a benign reason for why, she also could have less savory reasons as well. Maybe tell her if she wasn’t going to do it, she wouldn’t ask, so she clearly is thinking about doing it, so she needs to own that and tell you why she wants to do it, before you give more of your opinion on it. And to be honest, how good are you at telling if someone is trustworthy, do you have ways to tell? As this gives off very iffy vibes and you might want to double check if she’s as trustworthy as you think she is.
Your friend is 1000% right. There’s a reason that guy isn’t dating women his own age. Because he can get away with things (disrespect, control, etc) that women his age or closer to his age, wouldn’t tolerate.
You have such little dating experience. I don’t care if you’ve dated a handful of guys, had a long term relationship in high school, or whatever—it’s literally not enough time on the planet to experience all the elements of dating.
Watch. Refuse to have sex with him. Say you want to take it slow. He will dump you. I guarantee it. He is only with a 19 year old girl for sex and her naivety. If you refuse to sleep with him, he will just move on to another young naive girl.
He does not care about you. At all. Your friend cares immensely about you. Your friend is sensible.
You writing this entire post SCREAMS how naive you are. I’m sorry to say it, buts true. I’m just a 29F telling you how the world works as a woman to a woman.
Please break up with your fiancé- you do not love her. It’s not enough to marry so you can keep your friendship with her brother.
Your fiancé engineered the whole thing … that’s not right
Bro you don't have to put up with anything. You need to leave to save yourself from a long heartbreak you will be putting yourself into.
I am not hung up on denying it.
I simply just do not perceive myself to be controlling.
I am very open-minded but clearly reddit is not the place to come to for advice as there are so many beta males on here.
No wonder there are so many cheating stories.
Best of luck, everyone.
I mean, if he agrees then what’s more to talk about? He should stop replying to her outside of work related matters. He doesn’t need to make a song and dance of it – but he should definitely do it.
Has he committed to it?
You tell your grandmother that this man stood by when her son did not and though he is in your life he is not the same level as the man who Was there during your very hot parts of your life. You are making right decision.
r/bedrooms
This won't be the first or the last relationship that residency breaks.
Right?? You are way too young to be dealing with this. Don’t have a kid for the love of God. You will be stuck doing 90% of everything plus taking care of a kid. Men like this will not be waking up in the middle of the night or change diapers. This should be the push you need to remove yourself from his life
His wife wants someone else…. nothing to fix about that
Cut your losses. There's people out there who will treat you better.
Removing a condom without the other person not knowing is rape: it invalidates the consent, because consent was given under different conditions.
That said, your communication and decision-making around safer sex practices is just a mess in general, and I'm willing to believe this was a good-faith mistake on his part because of that. Really, your general inconsistency and ambivalence about using barriers, and the apparently unclear communication about it, is the much more worrying problem than the specific incident you mention. You say you “never” use barriers, but then describe using them on multiple occasions – that's a contradiction, and it suggests that youhre not being clear with each other and haven't established a clear baseline of expectations around safer sex practices.
Do you default to using condoms or not? If you “never use protection,” why did he have a condom on to start with? I think you need to figure out what your ideal sexual health practices would look like for yourself first. Maybe that means not using condoms, since you say you don't like how they feel – though it doesn't sound like you've tried all that many different kinds of condoms if hehs run into yhe same.problem every time, so it also might be the case that a different material or brand would feel better. (There are also insertion condoms.) Does it include any other kind of birth control? What kinds of discussions are you having about the sex you're having, and is there a way those could be going better for you?
Once you know what you want, have a series of conversations with your boyfriend about what he wants, and how you can accommodate each other. I'd also say he needs to learn how to use condoms – the problem you're describing is user error, probably in sizing. He needs to try different sizes and materials until he finds one that stays put. He should do that even if the two of you arenht going to use condoms, because he's going to need to know for future partners if you break up or if you die before he does.