I can't imagine Amy feels that way though. I think she would be just as repulsed as me. As even if she did feel that way, she has a partner and has had years of us both being single to say or do anything to indicate she feels more.
Look, people have many degrees of emotions. I'd bet Amy at least likes your attention and enjoys the fact she can have it fully, even if you have a gf. There's certainly a sexual component to that
A roll of tp a day is outrageous and that’s coming from a woman. Good Tp is expensive and she’s being incredibly wasteful. Plus she’s making you clean up her messes every single day? Nah, even if she had some kind of disorder she’s still incredibly selfish and inconsiderate for making you clean her messes every day and wasting all the tp. That would be a dealbreaker for me too.
Stop making excuses for your dad! Stop lying in order to protect him! She felt violated and you ignored her and make excuse that she was sick. Confront your dad and stand up for your girlfriend.
“she will not listen to me at all” – you are not listening to her at all! Ignoring how your dad made her feel for what he did because you can't see your dad as an abuser!
Like I've commented a million times even though I've been discouraged to get one, I have one tha t I'm about to start in a couple weeks but thanks Angel lol.
Right now you are in charge of the power dynamic. You need to take advantage of this by clearly establishing … whatever you want to call it: ground rules, boundaries, whatever.
Sexual frequency and variety. Yelling or verbal abuse on her part will not be tolerated. Add to the list my man…
You’ve got one shot to set up your dream relationship. Every day you lose power.
Body fat percentage is a much more reliable indicator of health than BMI. As someone who was super morbidly obese and lost massive weight, getting into the healthy BMI category would mean that your mom would likely be dangerously underweight because of the large volume of excess skin she has! BMI was designed for use on a population level and is not meant to be applied individually in this way. Obviously her medical team understands this and your wife is intentionally refusing to listen and learn.
I lost 80 pounds myself over the last few years, and have now gained back a few due to two recent knee surgeries. I now ride the line around a 25 BMI, a few pounds over at the moment (5’7.5” and 166ish pounds). I can still do pull ups and am very healthy. This is not only an insane, inappropriate ask, it’s medically ill-informed and dangerous (I’m not a medical doctor but I do have a PhD in Pathobiology!)
Why the hell do you think someone who is dating a child (you) when they are twice your age, wouldn't be up to something? He wouldn't be chasing a piece of you tail except to have someone he can easily lie to and manipulate.
Leave him. He will undoubtedly cheat on you too. Please find someone nearer your age next time.
Honestly OP, a 3-4 year old screenshot that's flirtatious but not conclusive may be a real yellow flag – but not anything more.
But while I don't think that a big age difference is automatically bad, I'd be more concerned that your bf may be more of a serial monogamist – than necessarily someone who cheats. Which means that it's okay to enjoy what you have – as long as it's really working well for you – but not to plan on it being “forever”.
You're acting a little entitled to people's time. When you “quickly” made plans to hang out with your sister did you even check with her? It sounds like you showed up and burst into her room. I feel like they are naturally closer obviously to each other and rather than accept that you are demanding to be included, which is probably irritating them even more. If it hurts you, then you can decide whether they are worth your time, but you can't force people to do things
The financial side of him is very problematic and i really dont admire it. But many other things are good. I guess i was also very frustrated while writing the post. Do u think im being unreasonable or was it really rude and stingy of him to do yhat?
I'm so confused about the timeline on all this, can someone explain please? Did it start a year in and then you stayed for another 4 years and they continued and you found out again? Or you separated for 4 years and he's back?
Either way cut them both off and get yourself some therapy. The best thing to do is live! your life to the fullest and never let them see you hurt and down. Best revenge is being happy.
So how many insults per month are you entitled to to equal her share of the rent because clearly you think it’s ok to not stick up for your girlfriend.
OMG. It just gets worse. The dog isn't neutered?! I am appalled in so many ways. I'm glad you seem open to learning, but I do hope you understand that you have really done a lot of harm here and you can't just put this off on your wife and kid.
Keeping a dog cooped up in a state all the time unless he is going straight outdoors is a form of animal abuse and neglect. The fact that you are complacent to it and go along with it makes you equally culpable as the monster you are dating orders it. That fact that your man does this to an animal speaks volumes about his character. The question is to you want to date some one of his character? If so, give the dog up to people who will actually make the dog part of their family. If not, get rid of the loser immediately and don't date men who hate your dog.
My partner and I have purchased several properties together. Everything in both our names even if my financial contribution was less, because I was doing less paid work and the vast majority of the unpaid work. If either of us dies, our share goes to our children. It's clearcut, no mess. No need to get married. Either of us can up and leave whenever we want, no lawyers will get rich off of us.
I don't understand why anybody would entertain the thought of getting legally tied to a person who might end up cheating on you.
Yes, that's too far. If he wouldn't act that to a male colleague, he shouldn't act that way to you.
It's likely typical behavior for him, and he thinks it charming in some way. It's not. Please tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and tell someone else, factually and unemotionaly what happened and your professional response. If he still does it, or acts hostile, go to hr.
And you don't even remember it? Yeah. Break up. Explain to your ex all you can and then work on yourself. Be single for a bit. Is it possible she drugged you and/ or assaulted you at that party? Because too drunk to remember/ still up for sex sounds like one huge lie. Although also, the pregnancy was also clearly a huge lie unless you have evidence to back it up. I'd get the woman's parents involved too when you break up, because she sounds insane.
This is her house just as much as yours. If you can smoke your vap in bed, then she can also smoke in bed.
If you have asked her to stop multiple times, and she has already chosen that her smoking in bed is more important than listening to your wishes for her to stop. Then it's now your choice to either accept it or leave.
I’m too much of a pushover to do anything about it 🙁
Then there's nothing you can do. Seeing as you've already decided you won't, there's really no point in coming here and asking what magical solutions there might be, because the realistic solution of do something about it, apparently is crazy to you.
Until you change this attitude, nothing's gonna change.
I’m too much of a pushover to do anything about it 🙁
Then there's nothing you can do. Seeing as you've already decided you won't, there's really no point in coming here and asking what magical solutions there might be, because the realistic solution of do something about it, apparently is crazy to you.
Until you change this attitude, nothing's gonna change.
Quality Time – we spent nearly two years straight doing nearly everything together. I moved in on Mar 1, 2020, and anyone who hasnt lived under a rock knows that means we were in lockdown together. I think she's just salty AF because COVID started to go away and social events came back, so I was no longer giving her as much attention as I did when I LITERALLY was only leaving the house for groceries, or when we would vacation together in a cabin in the Smokies. I guess the good news is that she doesn't think I'm cheating, and I have no efforts towards that end.
Family – she was raised Catholic liberal, I was raised Catholic conservative. Her parents no longer do the church thing and are still liberal, just like her. My family is still the same, while I have changed to be more of an omnist and left-leaning. Does it bother me that my family still votes the way they do? Absolutely. Does that mean I'm gonna just cut them off? Heck no. She just refuses to put herself in any situation where she knows someone is Christian and/or conservative
Going out weekly – it's not truly every week, but 3 evenings a month is not out of line. And usually it is when I get done with my running group and we all go out after the run, while she's off doing improv rehearsal. And I'm home when she gets home at least 75% of the time, so it's not like I'm taking time away from her in that regard
My drinking – I do think it's safe to say I have a history of alcohol abuse(honestly the last 14 yrs, since I was a freshman in college), but I'm far from the “needs alcohol to function” kind of alcoholic. Heck I've been dry for a week and the only thing really that I've noticed is some late-night restlessness. Though, i won't argue the fact that late night drinking caused issues for the mornings, for obvious reasons.
I’m not going to touch on the age-enough people all ready have..so… Why would you even want to be in a relationship with somebody so possessive, so controlling, so emotionally immature and so insecure with themselves and the relationship? He is waving so many flags around.. he is telling you that he owns you, he is telling you he doesn’t trust you, he is telling you you get nothing outside of him…
Pick up an old or new hobby, go to places or events meant for making new friends, and most importantly let yourself feel whatever you need to fell don’t bury it.
Yeah, tbh after sleeping on it I realized that just shutting it down earlier was my responsibility and their behaviour is not mine to control, the salt dissipated and we're back to Minecraft memes 🙂
Take her for a walk in a nice park. It's Spring here. You can pick from a plethora of flowers for her as you two kids walk and talk and enjoy each other.
After a big test, I always liked my favorite snacks, a bottle of wine and a nice relaxing time. maybe that's just me though. Anyway I did that for my ex and he seemed to like it. Never reciprocated…
Probably forgot he was still friends with her until he saw a post on his feed and unfriended her. Also didn't realize 25 year olds are still using Facebook, no one I know is on it anymore.
girl wtf? you think these actions are equally bad?
You should be happy for her!
You told her before that she can go out too.. so now she's going out and enjoying it.
She went once to the bar and now you are pissed.. you want to leave her but you can't coz of kids, wow you are a great dad!
What about her resentment towards you? Did you make her happy you all those years you were going out?
Who is the hypocrite, you or her?
But why wouldn’t the symptoms show earlier, it can’t be a coincidence?
I have some autistic traits stil
Explains a lot, no offense.
I can't imagine Amy feels that way though. I think she would be just as repulsed as me. As even if she did feel that way, she has a partner and has had years of us both being single to say or do anything to indicate she feels more.
Look, people have many degrees of emotions. I'd bet Amy at least likes your attention and enjoys the fact she can have it fully, even if you have a gf. There's certainly a sexual component to that
A roll of tp a day is outrageous and that’s coming from a woman. Good Tp is expensive and she’s being incredibly wasteful. Plus she’s making you clean up her messes every single day? Nah, even if she had some kind of disorder she’s still incredibly selfish and inconsiderate for making you clean her messes every day and wasting all the tp. That would be a dealbreaker for me too.
You idiot are not listening to her!
32 and still baby!
Stop making excuses for your dad! Stop lying in order to protect him! She felt violated and you ignored her and make excuse that she was sick. Confront your dad and stand up for your girlfriend.
“she will not listen to me at all” – you are not listening to her at all! Ignoring how your dad made her feel for what he did because you can't see your dad as an abuser!
Like I've commented a million times even though I've been discouraged to get one, I have one tha t I'm about to start in a couple weeks but thanks Angel lol.
Crush mean having feelings that potentially could lead to more.
But in the “seeing as a woman” comment, relationship and dating wasn't mentioned.
It's a very common question for trans women to ask. And a very common fear of them.
Now where did she use the term terf to force her into dating. You just decided that on your own.
Right now you are in charge of the power dynamic. You need to take advantage of this by clearly establishing … whatever you want to call it: ground rules, boundaries, whatever.
Sexual frequency and variety. Yelling or verbal abuse on her part will not be tolerated. Add to the list my man…
You’ve got one shot to set up your dream relationship. Every day you lose power.
Body fat percentage is a much more reliable indicator of health than BMI. As someone who was super morbidly obese and lost massive weight, getting into the healthy BMI category would mean that your mom would likely be dangerously underweight because of the large volume of excess skin she has! BMI was designed for use on a population level and is not meant to be applied individually in this way. Obviously her medical team understands this and your wife is intentionally refusing to listen and learn.
I lost 80 pounds myself over the last few years, and have now gained back a few due to two recent knee surgeries. I now ride the line around a 25 BMI, a few pounds over at the moment (5’7.5” and 166ish pounds). I can still do pull ups and am very healthy. This is not only an insane, inappropriate ask, it’s medically ill-informed and dangerous (I’m not a medical doctor but I do have a PhD in Pathobiology!)
Why the hell do you think someone who is dating a child (you) when they are twice your age, wouldn't be up to something? He wouldn't be chasing a piece of you tail except to have someone he can easily lie to and manipulate.
Leave him. He will undoubtedly cheat on you too. Please find someone nearer your age next time.
Honestly OP, a 3-4 year old screenshot that's flirtatious but not conclusive may be a real yellow flag – but not anything more.
But while I don't think that a big age difference is automatically bad, I'd be more concerned that your bf may be more of a serial monogamist – than necessarily someone who cheats. Which means that it's okay to enjoy what you have – as long as it's really working well for you – but not to plan on it being “forever”.
You're acting a little entitled to people's time. When you “quickly” made plans to hang out with your sister did you even check with her? It sounds like you showed up and burst into her room. I feel like they are naturally closer obviously to each other and rather than accept that you are demanding to be included, which is probably irritating them even more. If it hurts you, then you can decide whether they are worth your time, but you can't force people to do things
The financial side of him is very problematic and i really dont admire it. But many other things are good. I guess i was also very frustrated while writing the post. Do u think im being unreasonable or was it really rude and stingy of him to do yhat?
I'm so confused about the timeline on all this, can someone explain please? Did it start a year in and then you stayed for another 4 years and they continued and you found out again? Or you separated for 4 years and he's back?
Either way cut them both off and get yourself some therapy. The best thing to do is live! your life to the fullest and never let them see you hurt and down. Best revenge is being happy.
So how many insults per month are you entitled to to equal her share of the rent because clearly you think it’s ok to not stick up for your girlfriend.
OMG. It just gets worse. The dog isn't neutered?! I am appalled in so many ways. I'm glad you seem open to learning, but I do hope you understand that you have really done a lot of harm here and you can't just put this off on your wife and kid.
Keeping a dog cooped up in a state all the time unless he is going straight outdoors is a form of animal abuse and neglect. The fact that you are complacent to it and go along with it makes you equally culpable as the monster you are dating orders it. That fact that your man does this to an animal speaks volumes about his character. The question is to you want to date some one of his character? If so, give the dog up to people who will actually make the dog part of their family. If not, get rid of the loser immediately and don't date men who hate your dog.
My partner and I have purchased several properties together. Everything in both our names even if my financial contribution was less, because I was doing less paid work and the vast majority of the unpaid work. If either of us dies, our share goes to our children. It's clearcut, no mess. No need to get married. Either of us can up and leave whenever we want, no lawyers will get rich off of us.
I don't understand why anybody would entertain the thought of getting legally tied to a person who might end up cheating on you.
Idk why but I can’t see some comments rn
Yes, that's too far. If he wouldn't act that to a male colleague, he shouldn't act that way to you.
It's likely typical behavior for him, and he thinks it charming in some way. It's not. Please tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and tell someone else, factually and unemotionaly what happened and your professional response. If he still does it, or acts hostile, go to hr.
I want to be closer than we are. I would say we’re middling close. Not like we should be, thanks to them.
You probably aged out of his sexual preferences
Yes, in the process of adoption when there is someone else to support the child. Not in the process of “I don't feel like paying child support.”
He be lyin'.
I did.
UpdateMe!
And you don't even remember it? Yeah. Break up. Explain to your ex all you can and then work on yourself. Be single for a bit. Is it possible she drugged you and/ or assaulted you at that party? Because too drunk to remember/ still up for sex sounds like one huge lie. Although also, the pregnancy was also clearly a huge lie unless you have evidence to back it up. I'd get the woman's parents involved too when you break up, because she sounds insane.
Yea he’s even tried to text me this morning. Again, trying to get me to beg for him to stay
This is her house just as much as yours. If you can smoke your vap in bed, then she can also smoke in bed.
If you have asked her to stop multiple times, and she has already chosen that her smoking in bed is more important than listening to your wishes for her to stop. Then it's now your choice to either accept it or leave.
I’m too much of a pushover to do anything about it 🙁
Then there's nothing you can do. Seeing as you've already decided you won't, there's really no point in coming here and asking what magical solutions there might be, because the realistic solution of do something about it, apparently is crazy to you.
Until you change this attitude, nothing's gonna change.
I’m too much of a pushover to do anything about it 🙁
Then there's nothing you can do. Seeing as you've already decided you won't, there's really no point in coming here and asking what magical solutions there might be, because the realistic solution of do something about it, apparently is crazy to you.
Until you change this attitude, nothing's gonna change.
I'll answer in pieces:
Quality Time – we spent nearly two years straight doing nearly everything together. I moved in on Mar 1, 2020, and anyone who hasnt lived under a rock knows that means we were in lockdown together. I think she's just salty AF because COVID started to go away and social events came back, so I was no longer giving her as much attention as I did when I LITERALLY was only leaving the house for groceries, or when we would vacation together in a cabin in the Smokies. I guess the good news is that she doesn't think I'm cheating, and I have no efforts towards that end.
Family – she was raised Catholic liberal, I was raised Catholic conservative. Her parents no longer do the church thing and are still liberal, just like her. My family is still the same, while I have changed to be more of an omnist and left-leaning. Does it bother me that my family still votes the way they do? Absolutely. Does that mean I'm gonna just cut them off? Heck no. She just refuses to put herself in any situation where she knows someone is Christian and/or conservative
Going out weekly – it's not truly every week, but 3 evenings a month is not out of line. And usually it is when I get done with my running group and we all go out after the run, while she's off doing improv rehearsal. And I'm home when she gets home at least 75% of the time, so it's not like I'm taking time away from her in that regard
My drinking – I do think it's safe to say I have a history of alcohol abuse(honestly the last 14 yrs, since I was a freshman in college), but I'm far from the “needs alcohol to function” kind of alcoholic. Heck I've been dry for a week and the only thing really that I've noticed is some late-night restlessness. Though, i won't argue the fact that late night drinking caused issues for the mornings, for obvious reasons.
I’m not going to touch on the age-enough people all ready have..so… Why would you even want to be in a relationship with somebody so possessive, so controlling, so emotionally immature and so insecure with themselves and the relationship? He is waving so many flags around.. he is telling you that he owns you, he is telling you he doesn’t trust you, he is telling you you get nothing outside of him…
Pick up an old or new hobby, go to places or events meant for making new friends, and most importantly let yourself feel whatever you need to fell don’t bury it.
Yeah, tbh after sleeping on it I realized that just shutting it down earlier was my responsibility and their behaviour is not mine to control, the salt dissipated and we're back to Minecraft memes 🙂
Just replied ?
Same here!
Take her for a walk in a nice park. It's Spring here. You can pick from a plethora of flowers for her as you two kids walk and talk and enjoy each other.
After a big test, I always liked my favorite snacks, a bottle of wine and a nice relaxing time. maybe that's just me though. Anyway I did that for my ex and he seemed to like it. Never reciprocated…
Probably forgot he was still friends with her until he saw a post on his feed and unfriended her. Also didn't realize 25 year olds are still using Facebook, no one I know is on it anymore.
Same here!
You're not insecure.
She keeps going back to the 1 place where she's guaranteed to see her ex affair partner.
At this point it sounds like you're her back up plan and as soon as the AP wants her back, she'll be back in bed with him.
You're only going to hurt yourself more in the long run.
Can you afford a PI?