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Date: January 10, 2023
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Then you should add an update to your post because according to your original post you're the only cheater
Wow I’m so sorry. My husband and I are trying. We had a bad miscarriage last spring.
He was absolutely nothing but supportive. He took care of me and made sure I had what I needed during and after. When we talked about when to try again his exact words were “Whenever you are ready. And we can even even consider other options if you don’t want to risk going through that again”
He has never pressured me or blamed me for what happened. Your husband needs to understand that there is A LOT of reasons you can miscarry and most we don’t understand.
Best advice is he needs to get counseling and educated about pregnancy. You could probably both benefit from couples therapy. Also maybe consider genetic testing for both of you. Genetic disorders are definitely a reason for miscarrying.
If you don’t want to get pregnant again that’s fine and your choice. You don’t have to. You guys may not be compatible in that way. Maybe look into surrogacy or adoption. If you guys can’t reach an agreement as to what you both want then it may be time to part ways.
Forcing yourself through it when you don’t want to could severely impact your mental health and well-being. Realistically as your partner, that should be your partners primary concern.
so with this revelation, what do you plan to do? is he a violent man? if so, be careful when you break up with the bum okay?
Yall need to breakup. If you don't want kids and she does, yall aren't compatible.
lots of people do homebirths are perfectly fine
Biology is crazy. Lots of people get diagnosed as 100% sterile and then have children.
You don't know that for sure. This also wasn't an all at once thing, took a bit for it all to come together. Still have been too long.
Get yourself some therapy.
At that point she'll know that the marriage is truly over and I've filed obviously. That will cause her to have an extremely emotional reaction as the cat will be out of the bag at that point. After that initial shock passes then we can begin the hard work of actually ending things as well as possible whatever that looks like. But in the meantime I have a few weeks of basically knowing what I'm going to do and having to online with it and I was just wondering the best way to do that.
Neither one of us want kids right now, and the pregnancy scare shook me up pretty bad too. However, I was able to get over it once I found out we were in the clear. I thought that would have been the case for him too, especially considering he would not have been the one carrying or birthing the child. The pregnancy scare shook him up 1000x more than it shook me up, which is a bit offensive the more that I think about it. The idea of having a child with me is so horrible that he couldn't sleep right for months? Ouch. I'm not saying that I wanted to be pregnant by any means, but I am saying it is pretty insulting that he was shitting himself at the thought of having a family with me and commiting to me. Honestly a huge red flag that I didn't even think of.
In all honesty, he has always had trouble expressing his emotions and also emotionally supporting me. So I think the support part is spot on.
Honestly I think you're right. My eyes have been opened and I think I do need to move on.
Didn’t know there was an actual term for this. This is what happened to me when I was groomed & he decided he wanted to have sex with me. It’s just stillness. Like you can’t breathe. Like an out-of-body experience. Internally screaming, and yet nothing is coming out.
It's a dance.
WTF would you be upset or angry about a dance?
This smells like control. He can help you, but he won't, but he might sometimes, and it is fun to watch you beg and/or get punished. Maybe he's not happy about not being important anymore. Maybe anything. But I'd look at breaking up because (it sounds like) this is literally the only thing he can use to be annoying with and he is literally paying money for the pleasure of being just that. Who knows what he would escalate to if he had the opportunity.
Sorry, but he sounds like an asshole. Who asks to know every detail of your abuse and then gets butt hurt because you do not “trust” him? So you are going to relive some of the worst moments of your life for him?
And then he tried to quiz you on things you could do or things you couldn't do bed? Even if you had not be SA'd, that's not nice.
Make real friends. Don't try to treat this person as your friend, because he is not and I don't see the way he treated you as a healthy one.
The more I try to leave the stronger she holds me back
I think all that really matters is that you don’t trust your wife, and wether that is a you problem or it is genuinely because she is being untrustworthy, it is not healthy for you to be in a relationship where you don’t trust your partner.
The way I see it, your options are to work together to rebuild that trust and address the causes of your distrust, or to get out of this marriage. Neither option is going to be easy.
Knowing most guys, I have a feeling the boyfriend probably didn't like the idea of a “guy” best friend. Seeing that, yeah… hard to come back from that.
Return it to him along with the rest of his things. Put it in a labeled ziplock bag on top… no words or explanation necessary.
Op. You’re a secret. You deserve more than that. My friend dated a guy for two years and had your situation. One night while he slept she took a picture of his drivers licence to make sure she had the right address and made a copy of his house key from one of those instant key kits. The next day while he’s at work we walk into his place, to set up for his surprise birthday (it was part cover because she wanted to see his house and to prove to us that he wasn’t being shady). The foyer was ladies shows and kids shoes. He had a wife and two kids. This smells like that situation.
UpdateMe!
That’s kind of how I feel. It’s unorthodox but it’s not gross.
I think you should cut off this supposed friend. She’s not a friend and she’s ruining your mental health. You can’t change another person. She is selfish and doesn’t care about you.
Start by loving yourself. Do things to help you grow. You are too focussed on her and for too long. It’s time for you to move on. Eventually you’ll meet people that will care for you. When you see your therapist choose what is more important for you to fix.
You have low self esteem and confidence in yourself this is why you think you are nothing maybe it will be good to fix this with your therapist first.
Wait a minute…he had a vasectomy and uses condom religiously and you get pregnant? He would be an idiot if he don’t ask for a paternity test
I mean the easiest way to drop a lot of weight and solve this problem is divorce him. He does not sound like a good partner at all. You're not the one in the wrong here. He's an unsupportive selfish partner.
Wow your husband sounds awful. Inviting 7 friends is not a 'large children's party' like he thinks are stupid…
Do you think there's something deeper going on here? Money troubles that you aren't aware of? Is he lying about being a volunteer firefighter? Not wanting to help with his own child's bday party is one thing (and would still be a red flag for me personally) but by saying he would book this venue and then leaving it so late that you'll struggle to find somewhere else seems like he's sabotaging it on purpose.
Replying here to add that if you attended, you would be setting yourself up to be the scapegoat for ANY (real or perceived) misbehavior or accident with two little toddlers and a high maintenance bride. Do NOT put yourself in this position to be either their servant or their scapegoat. You have lots of great advice here on how to go hands off this train wreck of a wedding or compromise, but do not put yourself in the path of public blame.
Do absolutely everything you can to get that video, even tricking her if needs be
Dont miss on opportunities with new girls if your old one doesnt like you
Thats why women should never play the „cool girlfriend“
Just to provide some balance to this comment section, personally I wouldn't take her claim to want to travel for an undetermined amount of time very seriously. That is, frankly, not something she's capable of doing. That is almost exclusively for rich people. Kids can get away with it for a few years if they're willing to be au pairs or farm workers but that gets old very fast. The other thing is that traveling kind of sucks. You're often out-of-sorts, you might not be able to communicate with the locals very well, and living out of a suitcase is difficult and uncomfortable.
She's lived in her same hometown with the same friends and the same life for a long time. I think many people experience the same funk at some point or another, call it a midlife crisis if you want, where their lives seem stagnant and they're wondering what life could be like if they did things differently. So they want to shake things up. This can be a good thing. It doesn't necessarily means that she'll cheat on you or leave you. A trip could help reset her priorities.
Encourage her to go on the two week trip and to come home and take stock afterward. If she feels that she needs to travel and be away from her family to find some nebulous “happiness” that she doesn't have with you, then so be it. But I have a suspicion that being away from her baby and her loving husband and her job that she loves and her home for two whole weeks (perhaps the longest in her life so far?) will cause more homesickness than wish fulfillment. France is wonderful, but two weeks of vacation is more than enough for the average non-traveler to be done and ready to go home.
But are you ok with him calling other women bitches?
He sounds juvenile and I’m so embarrassed for you
This dudes music sounds like ass just reading this post lol
Well I think you learned a lesson here. Your fiancé seems like a really good guy though.
Last refuge of the judgmentally superficial: pretend like everyone else is as shitty as you and make juvenile personal attacks.
Couldn’t have said it better thank you.
Ehhhh.
I don't know OP. Her father could have changed since his grandson was born.
It's impossible to hate a baby that is part of your bloodline.
Because he has a shit personality and doesn't respect you the way you deserve to be respected in a relationship.
Either that or you've taught her already that you will not support her in a meaningful way.
What the hell is the big deal with poo. Everyone does it, and I don't understand why this so-called girl had to go downstairs and tell everyone. I would dump him myself. They embarrassed you and it wasn't ok
This isn’t /r/amitheasshole.
This is /r/relationship_advice.
Calling someone an asshole for walking into their own home and looking for a safe space is counterproductive to the sub and the post.
It’s not productive, moves nothing forward, and berates OP for submitting content.
Despite the fact that you are attempting to be empathetic, you’ve managed to berate someone for simply existing in a place they feel safe.
Use your “big girl words”, and maybe attempt to support someone simply asking for help and advice.
Keep looking and keeping calling landlords.
If you want to be a bit crummy about it, see if you can get the cats registered as emotional support animals. Some states have no limit on the number. Then they wont be able to legally turn you down because of the animals, but you'd be starting off on the wrong foot.
I'm honestly in a similar situation so I understand the feeling. Funnily enough, mine was also brought up during therapy and has been swept under the rug for nearly 12yrs.
I've been tempted to go low contact or no contact with my own mother because of certain things she's done. Whether it was siding with my sister and BIL after my BIL SA'd for, taking her anger out on me when she's frustrated about everything and anything, leaving me with cousins that nearly killed me twice while I was a kid, and so on. Each time I try to talk to her about them she'll either walk away or evade.
Honestly, I'd sit down and figure out if your father is worth having in your life. Does he bring you any joy whatsoever when you think of him or is it purely disgust and bad memories? Limiting contact may help while still allowing for some communication. You know this situation better than anyone in the comments and hopefully know what you can and can not handle. Sometimes cutting someone off for your own mental health is the best thing you can do if things are bad, but it's ultimately up to you.
I agree that were young and that we've moved in together incredibly soon, despite that, the living together part has been really good and we work pretty well together. Idk about prioritizing the parents tho, at least i thought he should prioritize himself, because (for me it's been like this at least) I reckon parents have their own life and in our(my) twenties I want to focus on myself, on my future. Tis true that this is because of my perception of self and the way my parents raised me to be independent, so maybe his point of view is the same as yours
Marriage isn’t going to change him.
Here is your choice: Marry him and accept who he is …and maybe a weekly maid OR leave because he won’t change.
And what was the name of the game with the number one best story line?? Lol
Why would you stay with someone who yells all the time? It’s uncouth and nothing to do with any race or culture, just their family. It is not a healthy way of dealing with emotion. Just tell him to do one.
I understand where you’re coming from and I guess I had the day off but not the evening (I met with the client at about 600 PM).
My mom just cleans. And there is nothing passive if she wants some help.
Eeek. I think you have good intentions but this is wildly inappropriate in a professional setting. If my boss was to invite me to lunch with his wife, that would be a signal that part of my job is now making sure his wife isn’t threatened. That’s an unreasonable burden to put on Marcie or anyone else in an assistant role.
According to my bestfriend I guess im wrong ahah
The best metaphor I can think of for a relationship is a pair of jeans. Every break up, every time you go stay at your moms during a fight is like a hole in the jeans. So you patch it… you have a long talk and you make up… here’s the thing eventually you can’t patch it anymore. It’s all patches and no jeans are left.
Yeah, no. If he wants you to avoid them, you have to understand them.
If he's not willing to work on them with a qualified professional, not much you can do.
If they are interfering with your relationship, and frankly, it sounds like they are, it's perfectly valid for you to ask him to work on them and there are plenty of ways for people to learn coping skills to minimize the distress of triggers. (Think fireworks as a trigger for combat vets).
As I said, I think the word itself is being misused a lot by the general public.
It's going to be up to you to have a hot think about if this is the partner you want. It's perfectly ok to move on if it's not working – and mental health issues not being addressed is valid.
I get it. You don't want to “give up” on a partner you care about bc of “mental health issues”, but hon, you can't fix anyone and anyone who isn't willing to put the work in, really isn't worth your work.