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Lilith, 18 y.o.
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Date: January 12, 2023
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What the actual fuck did I just read?
He doesn’t want dudes seeing me without him
Working out looks gross actually. At least I look sweaty and my hair goes crazy. Does he allow you to go to the beach or is that forbidden too? What about wearing a skirt above your knees? OMG men could see!
You might ask her about any medications she's taking because that's the usual suspect when someone her age suddenly has sexual problems. But if she doesn't even explore her own body then she's leaving it up to you to try to figure out what gets her off and that's never fair. If she's not on any SSRIs or any pharmaceutical that would be causing this then you'll both just have to experiment until you find a way for her to enjoy sex again.
If your husband wants a relationship with his child then he needs to go to court. It isn’t just the mothers decision to make. That being said do not use this opportunity to make a family with this child for your benefits. It sounds like you might think this is your chance and it isn’t. Your husband needs to go slow for the child’s benefit and you shouldn’t pressure the kid. Both you and your husband need to think of the best interest of the child which is making sure his mother is comfortable with any arrangement. He’s entitled to know his child and the child is entitled to know his father. If your husband isn’t 100% committed to being a dad then do not pursue it.
What sucks is that I’m at his place right now and I’m kind of avoiding like a hawk and hiding in the bathroom. I put on the shower, but I really do want to confront him
I wanted to suggest that but kinda got scared by his degrees. His armchair university was not joking with all this cheating semantics.
Though, a tiny part of me is still interested in what piece of hypocrisy he can propose as a counteroffer.
“It's cheating because her parts are in and my are out” or “It's cheating because I did this for my friend as a favour and was just passively offering a dick, my girlfriend has no dick to offer and her friends are not like my friends, that's different”.
Pathetic.
Why do you want more children if you can't afford them? Economic disadvantage is linked to poor child development so you're putting the child you already have at a greater disadvantage by having more children.
Your partner won't stay but if he does it won't be because he's changed his mind. It will be solely out of a sense of obligation to the children. He will resent you when you're both financially worse off. He will resent that he has to work more. You will resent that he's never at home to help with the children. You will get burnt out. You and your partner will teach your children that this is what love looks like.
Tbh, you should both be using protection. He doesn't want more children, you do, if this is a deal breaker for either of you it's okay, it just means you're no longer compatible.
Fruitfly gave you excellent advice, I just want to tack on… avoid having sec with her if you can. The last thing you need is to get her pregnant.
Yes. We do.
FWB is basically fulfilling a set of needs without taking it further into something more. So the intimacy side of thing is totally fine. Some people are meet, screw, go home, others are Netflix and chill with extra intimacy.
The only FWB I've actually had (other than short dating cycles that aren't the same) didn't even involve sex. It was just taking the edge of single life, meals out, valentines gifts etc… Just a bit of warm fuzzy niceness etc… So the “benefits” side, usually it means sex, but doesn't have to be sex.
Reading this post made me feel sick. This is abhorrent
You do you and leave her alone. She shouldn't have to hold your hand for you to get better and she deserved better… Like she doesn't deserve to sit next to you while you “get better” she deserves the already better version, which you are not. You need to work on your own to be better and then if she's interested, she'll contact you.
Either he’s ended it, or he’s too immature (the silent treatment and ignoring you?? Really??) to be dating in the first place. Either way, delete him off of everything and move on.
I’ve been in a similar situation before. His girl best friend would sit on his lap and constantly need to be touching him then she made several comments about how everyone thinks they fucked but they never have. I told him how it made me feel and that I felt it was inappropriate/made me uncomfortable and I guess she’d caused problems in his past relationships but that he never thought much of it till now. He decided to be very stern with her about boundaries and she got raging mad and he ended the friendship.
I’ve been platonic best friends with many men and I would never be touchy or flirty with them. They’re like brothers to me. So it’s clear they have a weird dynamic at least on her end.
Or things he's already done that she didn't bother going to get Mom about because she already knew Mom will run rug sweep and dent there's a problem. I feel like this may be a large leap, next will be, oh well he only accidentally brushed up against her boob/butt/etc 500 times he's just clumsy! Even though it literally happens to no one but her daughter
This is Sofie's choice right here. Either shut down younger sister or say goodbye to BFF.
Don’t give her a second chance, OP. Women like this are too common and disrespectful on dating apps. It’s truly weird cause the girls I ask out IRL are almost never like this. So many girls on these apps have issues they need to work on. You deserve better.
You can tell a lot about a person by the type of company they keep.
You actually seem like you're probably a pretty good human. Your friends have standards that they hold you to, and they expect you to do the right things.
Give it time, don't let them down moving forward.
It's okay to not want to find out what happened. Glad that you were able to reach some decision. Do what's best for you.
That’s not a relationship. That’s a 34 year old ass man preying on a teenagers naivety and inexperience.
No you are not mature for your age, or different then all the other girls.
That mofo has no business doing anything with you.
Do better
Yeah, you have not had healthy relationships modeled for you. This makes you easier to manipulate, so creeps like this guy will target you and try to mold you into what they want because you don't know any better. You learn a lot in the next few years, I (21F) was in very similar situations from 15-18 and I have found a great example of a healthy relationship with a partner who values you as a person, not what you can provide them with.
The rule I had as I turned 19 was date nobody more than 10 years older than me, but I'd also recommend lowering that to 5 (my uncle is 10 years older than me so he made a convenient stopping point- if you're older than my uncle I'll pass) and that will filter out a lot of the gross intent. You'll still find assholes and creeps of course, but not quite as many in my experience.
Feel free to DM me if you're ever in need of advice/chit chat 🙂 Good luck!
He's not your manager, and he isn't entitled to your earnings, especially if you are doing the work yourself. Tell him NO.
If you read the whole post I just edited it and described our situation a little bit better. But I do always go for people older than me bc I had to grow up very quickly due to my childhood so I’ve never been able to relate to people my own age, unless their women. But not to this extent. I wouldn’t just hangout w someone 20+ years older than me just to do it. lol
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We have been together for 2 years and living together for about 4 months , in that time he has been noticing things he didn't know before, I guess it's bc we couldn't see each other frequently bc of work. When we started to eat together everyday, he noticed I shake the soda bottles because I prefer them without the fizz, he said it was gross and starting buying his own drinks and naming them in the fridge. This continued happening with other types of food since we could never agree on what to it since we are polar opposites (i'm really sweet and he's salty). When we went to starbucks together he noticed that I took about 10 packets of sugar when I only use 4-5 for my coffee , he asked me about it and I said “you never know when you might need it” , similar conversation when he asked me why I also keep silicia gel packets. I noticed he would look at me weirdly when i did this things but i thought he would stop eventually. when things went south was when he opened my drawer to look for something and saw that I saved a bit of my dead animals fur in different ziplock bags separating them by name. He knew I had lot of memories from my pets around the house but for some reason this triggered him. This erupted into a huge discussion about how it's creepy ,unhygienic and beyond disturbing, saying it's some kind of strange obsession. At one point he said ” i can't even think about what other weird shit you possibly do”, I tried to tone the discussion down and explain but he wasn't having none of it and after some shouting from his part he left. I've tried texting and calling him but he doesn't respond, I asked his mother and she said he'll be staying for some time in her house to “think things through “. I don't know how to approach the situation when he comes back.
TLDR: boyfriend is ghosting me because of memories i have from my deceased pets
You literally have teen in ur age…. Baby you can’t even drink by law… most kids ur age need their parents to get a loan.
Your in college, barely legal (not even fully tho), you barely know what life outside your parents is. What do u and him have in common?
Your boyfriend is an older man who wants to bang naked young teens.
You can be that very hot young teen if you want, it’s legal. But don’t think it’s not that.
I know age gaps in queer relationships are more often, but this isn’t what they mean, and even when it IS you should still be suspect of it.
Can't believe your brother hasn't yet offered to move his wedding date, knowing that the graduation date is beyond your control.
I didn't get to attend both my graduations and it sucks but you must! Get that degree. Congratulations!
Thank you for taking the time to help me. I’ll try my best to document everything
When I was 15, I got black out drunk and went home, took all my clothes off and went to bed. Mom called ambulance. They said I was drunk. Got grounded and missed going to see Black Sabbath on my birthday back in 1979.
It’s really naked to tell unless you had some sort of soreness. I wouldn’t let your mind go too wild about it. People do lots of shit when they’re that fucked up, like strip very hot.
Yep. In grade school for a bit, which I overcame, and then by a superior at work as an adult who drove me close to suicide before I came to my senses.
What do you think? am I allowed opinions on the subject?
You're toxic, don't blame the victim. There's no excuse to cheat.
Time to say goodbye and move on to someone who actually cares and will treat you right. There are no redeeming qualities here, he hasn’t done a single thing that even warrants a second thought leave and find someone better
So I agree with you but how should I tell her? Is texting a bad way for such things?
she's new, why stick around when this is how she reacts to a death in the family?
If your masturbation isn't interfering with your sex life. Then it is NONE of her business.
Sounds controlling and toxic.
All penises, circumcized or not have a frenulum.
Ease her into trying different things – compromise somewhere in between. You probably won’t get everything but I can tell you if you take the route of escorts, the marriage won’t end well. As others have mentioned, that’s a trap – do not take her up on that offer ever. Even if she isn’t intending on it being a trap, you will crush her no matter what she says now.
Even if you do chew loudly his behavior is not acceptable.
I would not want to be with someone who deals with mild irritants by abusing and shaming me. You deserve better. So much better.
I'm so sorry he behaved like a complete ass. If you are feeling insecure about eating around others going forward you can practice eating in a mirror to get a true idea of what your eating habits are actually like.
He told you how he really feels. Believe him.
Leave while you can. Yes it’s naked, but the more time goes on, the harder it gets. You don’t deserve a relationship of convenience when you need one of love.
NTA but I think it's time to end the friendship. It doesn't really sound like you're friends with them anyway, it sounds more like it's just to avoid being lonely but isn't it more lonely to be in a friendship that makes you feel like this?
Is true.. It makes sense unfortunately
Having an unwell partner doesn’t mean your own needs disappear, nor are your needs less important simply because you are not also unwell.
Being a good partner doesn’t mean just being okay with whatever the hell they throw your way, and it definitely doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine when it isn’t.
Actually, I would say that pretending things are fine when they’re not is being a bad partner to your boyfriend (in addition to being a bad friend to yourself).
We’ve all heard that relationships are based on trust. That doesn’t just mean trusting them not to cheat or whatever, it also — more so even — means trusting that they’re being up front with you about what’s working and not working, about what they need from you and whether they’re getting what they need, about whether they’re truly happy in the relationship or just going through the motions.
Wouldn’t you be devastated if your boyfriend had been secretly miserable with you for months but never said anything? Wouldn’t that feel like a betrayal of some sort?
I’m not saying this make you feel bad! I get why you’re reluctant to speak up and why his depression feels like a reason to stay silent.
But I’m telling you it isn’t. You entered this relationship because you liked what it felt like to be his girlfriend. You no longer like what it feels like to be his girlfriend.
Maybe he can change that, and maybe it’s beyond his ability to be a good partner right now. But you’ll never know if you don’t bring him into the conversation.
It is okay to end a relationship that isn’t making you happy and isn’t meeting your needs. Even if the other person is depressed.
Starting a relationship doesn’t obligate you to stay in it no matter what — especially when you’ve only really just started dating. This isn’t a rough patch in the middle of a decades-long relationship; this is ⅔ of the entire time you’ve been together.
You have to take care of yourself. Don’t be a martyr. So far, this relationship has been a brief blip of good times followed by six months of unhappiness.
Realize your worth. Set an example for those that look up to you. Decide what is ok and what is not okay in a relationship, what happens if something not ok happens? Where are your limits? Would you be okay if your child told you their partner was doing this to them?
It's really fucking naked but worth it. I've had to set boundaries recently and it's really fucking very hot. I wish I started years ago.
Something along the lines of, “I also want to see you but this is my only chance to see x friend that I haven't seen in a long time”
You’ve put your boundaries down and he’s walking all over them. Whether he’s doing that in an overtly abusive way it or ‘nicely’ by lovebombing you, it’s the same outcome. I know it’s difficult since you work together but I’d one more time reiterate that you don’t want that sort of relationship and if it continues then stop responding to it. Stay professional at work but don’t engage further. He’s not your friend.
Ask her what is she doing to make the “big bucks” herself since apparently she isn't satisfied with your earnings.
Yeah, you need to leave this lying cheating loser.
You can do way better than this.
before my gf and I started dating and were just talking i made sure to talk about kids, politics, finances, and marriage
Chronically cheated on me, stalked random pretty girls on social media, addicted to porn, lied ALLLLL THE TIME. And more/worse. No, you can't come back from it. I tried and tried, for years. 5 years after the first cheating I found out about, I finally left permanently. Once you forgive them, they know theyve got you and they can do whatever they want because there's no consequences, you won't leave even when he fucks other people. Have some self respect, pull up your big girl knickers and break up with him. You can and will find better.
Minor note but the phantom/Erik is the antagonist of that story and is pitiable but creepy and not a good dude. Raoul is the love interest/one of the protagonists. Dude was accidentally right on the mark with that comparison.
Ummm i don’t know that i would believe him . But, it wouldn’t matter to me if he create or donated – it would be over !!
There is absolutely no reason he couldn't just show you the call log if he has nothing to hide. Someone with nothing to hide doesnt panic and lose their shit when confronted with suspicion.
My partner and I have had some abusive relationships so sometimes we get worried and ask each other stuff, “who was that? Whatcha talking about?” Neither of us have ever had an issue showing the other person what we are doing. Because we arent lying to or cheating on each other.
I'm sorry, but I dont believe he is telling you the truth at all.
Break up with him. He is dating you because a woman his age wouldn't put up with his bullshit.
i hope she heals from you
Take your time. It took a month before I could bottom out my girl out when we 1st met.
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I don't get this post. Why can't she take on additional work to make money? Kids could get work and chip in?
As I said, I am baffled by your attitude. She should have been fired weeks ago.