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Date: February 7, 2023
“Being in a tough time” doesn't justify lying repeatedly and doing things behind your back. And when it's being used as an excuse to invalidate someone's feelings is even shittier. I've been with my partner for 8,5 years, we went through mental health issues, financial problems, unemployment, deaths in our families. Never once did one of us feel like the other wasn't there to support, to listen, to try to help.
You have put aside any feelings of discomfort for 1 fucking year and he has been a pain in the ass for 1 fucking year? No, no, no. Being treated as a human being and not a punching bag, isn't something you should feel guilty for asking; it's a fucking given in a relationship.I can understand going through tough periods, but acting like a jerk isn't something you should tolerate.
All you can do is talk to him. You cannot force someone to try, if they do not want to. Tell him “Hey, I know you are going through the x thing, but you haven't been a good partner. You lied, you are mean, you make me feel this and that. And I don't want to be in a relationship where I don't feel like an equal, where I am treated like that. I can show patience and care about your [insert problem he is facing for the last year], but you have to treat me well”. If he sees that as a wake up call and actually starts trying to be a better partner, then great. If he doesn't and try to gaslight you that you are being dramatic or downplay your feelings, then you will have to really think if you want to be with a person that, when an issue arises and you have to work on it together to move on, acts like that towards you.
Call a counseling to make sure he will not put the blame on you and you will be able to say to each other what you really feel!