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Lonely day? Keep me company, I need to get fucked very hot. , ♥ Goal: Fingering time (Yes!!, I always have my toys ready for you ) ♥ [Multi Goal]
Date: October 4, 2022
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I’ve never been love bombed this long before, it’s usually like 3 months max. Just long enough for y’all to have your first fight and that honeymoon feeling to wear off a little, that’s when they search for a new fun fling. Putting up a facade for 7 months is absolutely psychotic. Poor OP
“mistakes”
Please for the love of God get a grip on reality.
Again, her interest in you was never the problem. Clearly she is not over her ex, she made clear the breakup recency was the problem. She acknowledged it was too intense and too fast.
Where you were both naive is thinking just 'slowing down' would be sufficient but while I think she is indeed leading you on a bit that you don't ever seem to take into account the things she says to you. You are so fixated on making it work that red flags and straight up explanations as to why it can't work you ignore hoping you can just wait it out.
And yeah, if you choose that path it will be messy. Clearly her and that ex have a lot of drama and even if she did get with you it would be a messy relationship clearly.
Yes she went on a date
This is a no no. I wouldn’t condone this. Walk away. Cus honestly how would he feel if he found the same thing vice versa on your phone ?
You made plans with your ex about your son, your wife knew all this in advance, then your ex tried to change the plans but you didn't allow it, and stuck to the original plans,
Then your wife gets upset that she isn't getting her way about something, and now is mad at you, and wishes your son didn't exist?
Is that right because that is what I got from your comment.
So if I am right on that, then something unrelated to the plans didn't go your wifes way, and she got upset, and decided to hurt you, by bringing up something that your ex wife tried to do, but didn't let her, and decided to take it out on your son instead.
So it shows you that any time your wife don't get her way she is going to take it out on your son. Which will cost all kinds of emotional and mental problems for your son as he grows up , and has to be witness to this behavior, and always wonder if he is the reason daddy is so unhappy in a marriage with a woman who got involved with a man with a kid, and expected to be put above the kid. Or she will treat him so poorly every time she gets upset that is causes him mental problems as well as emotional problems.
She knew what she was getting involved in when she married you.
I am a stepmom, and I knew what I was getting when I went into the relationship. I knew my life was going to have to be shaped around these kids at some points. Knew things were not going to go as planned all the time. But it is something I signed on for when I married my husband.
My advice still stands. Choose your son, and divorce her, before she moves in with you. There is no reason what so ever that anyone should ever say they wished a child didn't exist
Naked Flash:
You have absolutely NO CONTROL over how people think and feel about you .
None. Zip. Zilch. Nada.
People are going to think and feel about you as they will regardless of
who you are and what you do. Its a fact of Life and
not an aspect of the Human Condition a lot of folks feel
warm and fuzzy about. Sorry.
Just read your post history. You need to get out of this relationship asap. It isn't salvageable, nor should you even want it to be.
Ma’am I hope you know he 1000% knew he still had those in his phone and was just saving face. If you don’t delete your needs after you break up you know you still have them there’s no way to play ignorant.
If he is 22 years old and he thinks you cheated just because another female saw your boobs, you need to get rid of this guy. Not only is that completely ridiculous, but it’s also very controlling.
If she’s open to it, consider getting this book for her or having her purchase it. And then her actually read it. I found it very helpful when I was learning to set boundaries.
Boundaries (Henry Cloud & John Townsend)
You said it yourself, you trust your wife 100%. That’s a huge thing. Now you need to keep reminding yourself of that when you’re struggling with your own insecurities.
Perhaps start planning true date nights again at least once a week. Even if it’s just at home once the kids are in bed. Really use that time to focus on each other and your relationship/connection. Look at old photos, talk about fun memories, play a game where you guys ask some basic questions about each other again to remind each other about core values and likes and such. Truly work on re-connecting. And if you can’t do a full date night, plan mini-dates. 30min here and there of uninterrupted time is better than nothing!
I’d like to think some of this will help your self-esteem.
And keep being open/honest with each other, but do it in a calm and respectful way.
Is this what people call a midlife crisis?
Is a sapphire your birthstone, or the stone for the month you met?
None of your friends have a couch? Damn, that's harsh.
If you told her, would you be doing so expecting for her to have you move in with her again?
Thanks
Actually break up is how you deal with it
I believe I have control over it but I posted this to see if other people have different way they control their drive for i can try that as well. Maybe something else works better
I've been to couples counseling. It doesn't make someone care who doesn't care.
I have his login details so I saw it myself
I commend that man he has taken one for the team.
Thank you and yeah it was naked to right. I have not been able to talk to anyone about this since my family love him and see he is a great dad but it turns into them saying I need to try harder. It doesn't help having ADHD and trying to.write down thoughts. It's all a jumbled mess
Amazing. So much patience.
You need to have him get his own account without her or breakup. You cannot deal with this long term. You do not want to marry into this if he can't fix this. Sorry.
Is she also seeing a psychologist? If not then insist on it, there's not much point in taking the drugs if the underlying issues aren't addressed
Everyone in the subs I visit already knows my real name cause of the research I do, so I never post anything on Reddit I wouldn’t want people to know was me personally. That being said, my wife can look through any of my posts or messages on any platform or app anytime, we are partners in life and I don’t keep things from her. The only thing I would keep from her is a surprise of some sort.
She was wrong to accept the gift in the first place.
if you’re interested you have to initiate convos as well bc if she feels like she’s doing all the work she’ll be less interested
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Don't. Don't try for a relationship with someone who plays games.
She either likes you and is too immature to communicate (which is bad for intimate relationships) or she actually doesn't like you and doing as suggested would turn out poorly.
There's plenty of women (or girls since you said “girl” and this seems awfully immature), who won't tell you they don't like you when they do.
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It's a bad idea to wake up a baby. Since you have a guest room, just use it.
But also, you should be transitioning your kid into another room at some point, so talk about that, and talk about if it would be OK to return to your room when that happens. If you care about the impact on your relationship, I swear that everybody being sleep deprived is a lot less healthy than everybody sleeping in different beds.
Stop loaning him money and if he doesn't pay his rent, he needs to go!
I’m so sorry, that is a bad feeling. You deserve someone who treasures your gifts.
Thank you for that… Seems fair. I guess I just have to give myself time to heal
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Liars lie. You’ve been accepting this for a while-which is why your feelings include feeling normal
Nothing changes unless you act.
I’m his defense he was sitting in another chair when he answered my call but that doesn’t mean just didn’t get up so I am totally with you. I’m flying home today and it’s been hell. Also I asked him what he told her to get her to leave and he said “my gf is upset and jealous you’re here so you need to go”
I am seriously starting to wonder if you’ve reverse the points of view and you are the bf who made the inappropriate remark but dint want to admit it.
You go to grea t lengths to point out how awesome the bf who has the social niceties of your average ape is, but can’t offer the same grace to your father who was no doubt embarrassed by said bf.
So yeah, I think it was you who stuffed up and you were hoping Reddit would validate you and are getting defensive that nope, you need to do better n
Me being a new father, this is all new to me and I know that’s it a lot for her.
Hes not holding me back, he's supported me so much. He's helped me every step of the way and been the main bread winner whilst we try to find stability. He's taught me his native tongue and introduce me to his friends and family.
My family have treated us badly whilst we live! here. And I haven't done enough to defend him.
I've put a lot of self worth in him loving me. And I can't picture a future for myself without him.
He apologizes yet does it again and again. Sounds like he's pretty manipulative. You're worth more than that.
You can make a police report about that. Yes, it's not much actionable information. But they can add the info to a file about him and keep it around in case an actionable complaint about him comes up. It shows a pattern of behavior that would suggest the cops should investigate him a bit more than the average person off the street.
ask this in r/Deadbedrooms too
Honestly, you gotta take responsibility for what you did. Slapping someone is not cool, no matter how angry or out of control you felt. That's abuse, plain and simple. And it sounds like your GF has some serious trust issues from her past relationship, so hitting her would have been especially triggering for her.
You're right that you and your GF were both dealing with some personal stuff at the time of the incident, but that's not an excuse for what you did. And now you're feeling all messed up about it months later, which is totally understandable.
I think the first step for you is to take accountability for what you did, apologize to your GF, and really try to understand why you snapped like that. It might be worth considering couples counseling to help you work through the underlying issues in your relationship and how you can avoid violence in the future.
As for your GF's recent crush, that's definitely something you need to talk about. It's possible that she's feeling unfulfilled in your relationship and is looking for something outside of it. It's also possible that she's just going through a phase and it's nothing to worry about. But either way, it's something you need to discuss as a couple.
In the end, it sounds like you're trying to do the right thing and make things work with your GF, but it's going to take a lot of work and self-reflection on your part. And if at any point, either of you don't feel safe or happy in the relationship, it might be time to consider moving on. Remember that any kind of relationship should bring you happiness, not just make you satisfied.
Thank you
I've been thinking about this a lot.
CLEARLY there's no reason to sexualise cleaning the diaper of a 24yr old disabled person. None.
However – and this is from a personal perspective – the ONLY reason I can think of for the girlfriend to say this is if she has a history of sexual abuse. I say this because years ago, as a survivor of CSA I freaked out when my brother in law went upstairs to bathe his daughters, and I tagged along almost subconsciously, even though I know he is a cool dad and would never behave badly towards his daughters.
Having said that, this girlfriend's attitude is alarming at best. No idea what I'm trying to say here, just thinking out loud.
That’s most guy’s dreams. To fall in love with someone and grow long term with them. Looong term. Being friends for years first with no sexual stuff is totally the best.
No. OP’s reasons for going NC are still there, the selfish parents still are, no need to soften your boundary.
Well at 19 you are still mentally a kid IMO and I mean OPs post kind of backs that claim up.
You need to break up. Simple as that. You will always resent her for not letting you leave and she will always resent you for taking her away from her family. I'm in a 15 year relationship where my wife came to my home state and left her family. Trust me on this- she won't get over it… ever…
Granted it might be that they would enjoy time with you, but if you truly are thinking long term then they need to know up front. Some women don’t want children, let alone be involved with someone with kids, if they are seeking a life partner. Some aren’t comfortable with the idea of stepping into a parenting role as a step parent. For them to build a relationship with you only to be blindsided later with the news, it could cause much hurt for them and you.
You need to be upfront and tell them sooner vs later. Just as you should be upfront if you are only seeking casual dating.
Also, don’t introduce your child to anyone until you know for sure you see a future with them. It’s not fair to your child to have random women waltz in and out of their lives.
You’ve tried everything to appease him apart from completely surrender your free will and live! in a box in his room.
Assuming that’s not on the cards, no. The more you give, the tighter he’ll grip.
What you should have done on Day One is laugh in his face and say “that’s ridiculous! Of course I’m going to see my friends/family/movies/hiking/gym classes and study dates! Don’t worry, I’ll see you when I get back and I’ll tell you all about it!” It’s a bit late now but even if you charitably put it down to anxiety rather than a love of control, you have to learn that you can’t sacrifice your life for someone else’s mental illness- by definition, it’s not rational and the demands it makes aren’t rational.
I don't want for him to stop seeing his friends. I also don't want to break up. I love him very much. I know that I'm being unreasonable so I've never asked or would ask him to stop seeing his friends. But I still think that sometimes he is acting weird. From what he has told me some of his going outs resemble dates. For example once he told me he wanted to go to a certain place with me. The same night he goes out with his female friend and goes to the place, them bowling then went for naked chocolate. It sounded a lot like a date. But most of the time he doesn't tell me what they do. Like for example I ask how the going out went and he just says fine. But it's possible that he is just bad at communicating.
Not even a professional could if he doesn't admit that he has a problem.
Your feelings are normal. I think therapy might be the only way through this especially if you keep the baby. I would, to be on the safe side, get a paternity test – you never know. I would also Consult a lawyer I don’t know the rights a rapist has to the child.
We’re adults. I don’t think it’s creepy but that’s your opinion
Yes and no? He never ever tells me I can't do something I want to do, sometimes he just gets a bit sad or hurt when I want to do things by myself. I quite enjoy my own time and I don't always know how to ask for that without hurting his feelings
So for three years he have convingly lied to you about him previously being married, the split being amicable, and actually leaving her due to illness, all of which she had proof for. And no one told you a thing.
What I would gather from this is that he easily actively lies to you about major things in a believable way without it seeming to bother him. Should something happen and he were to leave, his family and friends would stick by him, leave you and lie about it to the next one as well if needed. Should something happen to you, could you trust him to stay and care for you? If you come to rely on him, his family and his friends, would he remove your whole network as well?
You should to talk to him about it, just please be careful and safe, and if what Kate told you is all true, be wary of a man that can keep up with a lie like this to your face and make the people around him follow him into complicity as well.
Can you go home? Please tell me they don't have your passport.
Yea no shit
Bcos she is still msging and calling me and blowing naked and cold when she does . I try and keep everything short and not ignore her .
Ye and it got removed. But either way, can u back off?
It sounds to me like he is asking to sometimes just receive oral sex without being obligated to reciprocate in any way, in which case oral sex sounds like both a sexual act and a favor. You can agree or not, you don't have to offer any kind of sexual favor that you don't feel like giving. Is he willing to do you the same kind of “favor,” where you're the only one that gets off sometimes?
Did you read what you wrote? Why are you with him? Jeez!
Picture of him at work only right? Why do you think that is and do you think he’s being honest?
If you can’t connect with people through messaging GO OUT AND MEET REAL PEOPLE.
You seem to already understand this isn’t a sustainable dynamic. That’s great. So tackle it head on man.
If this blows up your relationship, frankly it was never going to work out.
But you might be surprised that it’s not as big a deal as you’re imagining.
It was first time we were going to meet him and his wife. Does that matter at all?
I can understand that I was wrong. I won’t make any excuses.
They do… ?
Sir, don’t invite her back into your life by messaging her. She clearly wanted to feel less guilty so she would say you were cheating on her, that is her issue. Be glad and happy you don’t have to deal with her abusive and alcoholic ass. Cheers!
Have you considered doing something with him?
Board game, bowling, mini golf?
Something to occupy him and talk?
Some of us really do though, for some of us only penetration feels good and gets us off and oral/fingers do nothing at all.
Let her walk. You don't want to have that responsibility if you are not prepared.
Ever see that show Mama's Boy? You should take a look.
This is the rest of your life if you stay, nothing is going to change that, not even you,
“Bottom Surgery”? No, you are not ready!
Yep. Filed that under ‘a million variations’ cuz there are way too many to list out. That is a fairly common one though, maybe more common than waiting for the spouse to utilize the hall pass before fucking whoever they had in mind.
Unofortunately, a lot of single mothers are looking for a provider, not a boyfriend. Giving the rest a bad rep.
Ok… 3 days…. yea… f her. Id send her on her way.
Yeah it’s not sitting right with me, like yeah he’s been annoying before but it was never anything like this. We just got married 6 weeks ago, I’m feeling like he feels I’m stuck with him now or something and is starting to show another side of him if that makes sense….
My wife of 20 years was a FWB at first. I guess the question is, do you think you’ll like him (eventually) to be in a relationship?
You never know where you’ll end up, but if it’s just fuddy relationship and it’s too much “drama” than probably end it sooner than later… because I feel he’d inadvertently start disliking you if you didn’t show any interest when obvi this has opened his floodgates of personal life crap he kinda deals between your meet ups.
But suffocating your partner will never bring joy
But suffocating your partner will never bring joy
Thank you for your kind words! Maybe I’ll try to find a good time to bring that up. Come to think of it, most stable relationships are built upon truth and communication so maybe my biggest problem is my own anxiety fueled what-ifs ?
Thank you for your kind words! Maybe I’ll try to find a good time to bring that up. Come to think of it, most stable relationships are built upon truth and communication so maybe my biggest problem is my own anxiety fueled what-ifs ?
What is it that you wanted to know with this question? If she wants marriage at some point?
If he yells at you, belittles you, controls you, and threatens harm to keep you from self-advocating, how is this perfect?
Are you sure she didn't jump the newbie before she broke up with you
Maybe you only just found out now
So I guess it could have been worse
Honestly I would like to know how often you guys have sex? If he isn’t having sex with anyone else and you guys aren’t doing it everyday or every other day it could just be due to the fact of the frequency of sex! If my and my bf don’t have sex for even 3 days he will typically cum faster because of the “waiting period” I don’t think you should see it as a bad thing to be honest! There are definitely practices and techniques that can be done on his and your part that can make sex last longer! For example when he’s about to cum, perhaps slow down and stop it from happening, and if you do this over and over it can increase the amount of time you have sex. He can also engage in private masturbation or even with you, where he stops himself from cumming as well, gradually increasing the time it takes. Another tip I learned is to think of something that would perhaps make you not cum as fast, this one might be a little eh but it supposedly can work! You can also look up some more techniques that can be done to increase the time you guys have sex that might be helpful! Don’t ever be afraid talking about it with them either, they may feel insecure but just make sure to mention you aren’t bashing on them or calling them out or trying to make them feel bad, but more turn it into, I love and enjoy having sex with you and would love for it to be more intimate and not so fast perhaps?
Your post didn’t say unrequited when I replied to it.