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UPDATE: thanks for everyone’s comments. I decided to talk to him. I said to him: quality time is important and makes me feel cherished. I said I need him to at least acknowledge this and that I have suggested inexpensive date ideas. [For context, the last times we have spontaneously gone out for lunch/dinner, I have paid for it and it has been my ideas]. I told him the Brazilian wax ‘date idea’ made me feel uncomfortable.
His response: he said “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way”. He said he always asks me how my day was, and shows care for me. He said he feels I’m always stressed with work and “in a bad headspace”. He said he feels his efforts are going unrecognised. He then said that he was “offering” me something (Brazilian wax) which was “equally as uncomfortable” as me suggesting a dance class together (he hates dancing).
[For context, I recently moved to another city to support his work and full time studies. It’s been a tough transition as I’m missing my family and dogs. I’ve lent him money which has left me with little savings and having to stay in a stressful job to support us].
I responded: Asking how my day was and taking me on a date are two separate things. I said he’s not listening and making it about him. I said I need to be able to come to him with my feelings without it becoming a heated argument.
His response was: I need to “think about” my communication and “care” towards him because he “lets it go all of the time” that I’m in my “moods” and he doesn’t feel appreciated around me “most of the time”.
We spent the night in separate rooms and continued arguing about this until he finally came around and said he understands and he’s sorry today.
I told him I need some serious self reflection for this to work (because I’ve mentioned this 6 months ago already and he’s taken me on one date since).
He got really upset and told me I need to “take a long very hot look” at myself and figure out whether I’m going to “start being nicer” to him as a partner. He also said I’m not being supportive of his work [a couple of weeks ago I asked for less work talk, as he talks about work 90% of the time, so we can focus on our relationship].
He’s since booked a meditation class together. But at this point I’m feeling so uncomfortable with how he approached all this. Why is he getting so defensive? Should I just let this go now that he’s made an effort?
TL; DR – I’ve told my bf he’s made me uncomfortable suggesting to take me for a Brazilian wax as a date idea.
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