I realize that my original post lacked context. I apologize. Last night was such a blur. I posted, went to bed, and woke up at 3 am to a call calling me back into surgery. I didn't have the chance to read your comments until now. Here's the context:
I am a surgical resident at level 1 trauma center. At this level of training, my life belongs to my Residency, Attendings and Patients. I work long hrs, have 24-36+ shifts, I'm on call all the time. I've missed out on important events in the lives of my family and friends (graduations, weddings, baby showers, Holidays). Unfortunately, I've lost some friends over this, but there is literally nothing I can do about it. I love my job – it is the most exhilarating & fulfilling profession in the entire world – and I cannot see myself doing anything else with my life.
Yes, he is not my priority. We can plan, but when a call comes in, I get up and go and sometimes don't return until many, many hrs later. Yes, I am often late because my work hrs are not rigid, when trauma rolls in, I can't just say sorry, my bf is waiting for me, so I gotta go. But he knew what he's getting himself into. In fact, I didn't want to date him two years ago (even though I really liked him) because I knew how difficult this would be for him, but he assured me he understands and that we will make it work. Two years on, I definitely think he didn't understand – because how can he? He works a lot, but he doesn't work more than 12 hrs a day, works from home and is always off Friday-Sunday. I never wanted to feel like I owe him anything, so I still take care of all the life stuff myself. If I really need help, I ask my brother & sister-in-law for help (they're also doctors, so they get it) or one of my co-residents (we're like family at this point) and they're always there for me. So I'm not entirely sure what he means by doing so much for me – like what?
I was EIGHT MINUTES late last night. I apologize for the confusion – I was so tired, I don't even remember writing my original post. What happened is I was home early Sat and asked if he wants to grab dinner. He was already hanging out with his friends and asked if we can do it another day. I told him sure, but I won't be able to do it until next week because this week will be insanely busy. But he was very persistent, I felt bad, and gave in. We planned to meet Monday 7 pm despite my 24 hr shift. But nothing was set in stone, we didn't make any reservations, didn't discuss anything minus let's meet Monday at 7 pm. Well Monday was brutal. We had trauma after trauma, including a 4 yr old boy after a crash whom we couldn't save. I was exhausted. I asked if he could drive, he didn't feel like it, so I drove over to his house. I was 8 minutes late – why? Because I was sitting in my car at the hospital parking lot crying my eyes out for over an hr because a child who should be alive was now dead, because we couldn't save him, because I couldn't save him. He knew about it because I texted him, but despite everything he still wanted to go out and eat. I was too tired to argue, so I drove over, and you know the rest.
I understand you don't know his side of the story. I understand that I'm not the best gf at this point and that he feels neglected and overlooked, but I cannot give more. This is it. He either accepts it or we end it because I don't have the time and energy for such stupid little insignificant drama.
He did not text or call me since last night. Even though I apologized. I don't know if that means we're over or what.
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